Meredith First's Blog, page 4

Happy New Year from a Gridley Girl…

I’ve just arrived back in blustery Minnesota from another Christmas and New Year at home in California and I’m feeling sentimental.  So I thought I’d write to tell you all thank you.

I’m overwhelmed with the support of my family and friends at the launch of the e-book.  To me, this is like the Little Engine That Could.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.  That was one of my favorite books as a child and I think it had an impact on me while writing GRIDLEY GIRLS this past seven and a half years.   There were many times I wanted to give up and go get another recruiting job, but every time I felt that way, I saw my mom’s face and I knew I had to persevere.

I overheard my sister Lori, say to someone, once in the last seven years, “If anyone can get herself published, it will be Meredith, based on sheer will.”  That was such high praise from my perfect sister.  It inspired me to keep on during those dark days when I thought I was insane and didn’t really know what the hell I was doing.  Who was I to just up and quit a lucrative career and think I knew how to write a novel?

Who was I, indeed?  I was the Little Engine That Could.  I was a Gridley Girl.  We live in the best country in the world for girls like me.  All things are possible with hard work and faith.

In this new year, I hope for peace for the families of the victims of tragedies towards children, specifically the families of Newtown, CT.  I don’t know anything about gun violence, but I know a little bit about being in school one day with your best friend and the next she’s gone.  Just gone.

I hope they know that we’re all the Little Engine That Could.  We can all go on.  Always.  Persistence and faith.  That’s my motto.

To all of you Little Engines That Could, I send wishes of a wonderful new year for you and yours.

Y.A.L. (and Y.A.G.)  

My Brain on Reality TV?

I’m sitting at the computer trying to write my first ever blog entry, trying not to stare at Perez Hilton on The Talk and be distracted but I can’t help it. What is he talking about? Perez Hilton, now that he’s nice, is not the same guy. I’m not sure what he is now and although I’m grateful he no longer “outs” gays who don’t want to be outed, it does beg the question, “Is Perez Hilton still entertaining now that he’s nice?”

That question isn’t begging enough for me to answer today. Jury’s not out yet.

Meanwhile, I’m all caught up on my episodes of Real Housewives this week (Atlanta, Beverly Hills and Miami if you live under a rock or live in a cult with no TV’s and if you do, escape. Fast! You’re missing some great train-wreck-TV!) and am starting to jones for a new episode. And quick as you can say Andy Cohen is my long lost brother, I remember that a new episode of Miami is on tonight. Thank you, Jesus!

Do you ever worry about what is happening to your brain now that you watch too much reality TV? I do. I have these worries often. Most likely induced by my patronizing husband, Lance (who btw, is the one who discovered Housewives in the FIRST episode of OC and said to me while I walked in on him watching it – and looking as guilty as if he had a hooker on the couch – “You HAVE to watch this show. It’s as if it was MADE for you!”). He constantly says things like, “don’t you have a book to write? Quit watching that drivel.” Seriously? Man who watches entirely too many hours of sports on TV is judging me? How many hours of golf do you have to watch before you realize you’re just watching the grass grow? And don’t get me started about the wrap-up shows and commentaries. I’ll take a half hour of Andy Cohen over any of those sports shows. Why on earth must we analyze EVERYTHING over and over. Yawn. I just fell asleep thinking about it.

Sometimes, while watching Housewives, I picture that old commercial with your brain on drugs. You know the one? With the eggs frying in a skillet. I worry that my brain may be frying in a skillet from too much Bravo. All those years in the 80′s without doing as much as one line of coke could all go down the drain just by watching the Housewives? Could that be possible? What a waste of my saying no to drugs for my whole life!

I no longer worry about my reality TV watching. My brain is safe now and my drug abstinence is still in tact. I don’t have to worry because I found the antidote to all Housewives shows. It’s the guaranteed way to get your brain cells back regardless of how much Bravo you may watch. It’s called watching smart shows. Simple as that. If you’re feeling like you’re watching a little too much (signs like picking fights with your friends over nothing or trying to pull your friends hair, convinced they have a bad weave) Housewives, just watch The Good Wife or Downton Abbey. Even Breaking Bad qualifies. It’s simple, smart and it does the trick.

“But Meredith, how can this work?” you might ask and the answer is entirely too complicated for me to explain involving the firing of synapses and other such stuff. Just take my word for it. Nothing helps Housewife-itis better than a healthy dose of Julianne Margulies, the yummy Chris Noth or even Maggie Smith. It’s a sure-fire cure, I tell you. And this winter, when Downton Abbey comes back with Shirley Maclaine, I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to watch two episodes of Housewives for every one episode of Downton Abbey to be cured. It’s a two-fer! A bogo. And who doesn’t love a good bogo?

One official legal disclaimer though: my antidote has not been proven to work for Honey Boo Boo Child. As of this printing, there is no known antidote for watching her. Sorry (cocked head – crossed eyes).

I was 17…

Dear Auntie Mere,

I was 17. I was dating a guy my junior year of high school. He was funny and everyone liked him. I was pressured by him all the time like “I don’t think we can date anymore if you won’t let me be closer to you.” And things like “How can I get to know you better if you won’t let me touch you.” I really liked him and didn’t want to lose him. I was weak when I was with him. I even convinced myself that I loved him. He was manipulative and persuasive.

It’s so sad. I never even dated anyone until I was 16! I had standards to uphold. I wish I had been stronger. He started slowly to persuade me into little things. A touch here a touch there, then after a few months he stole it.  I feel cheated. The thing I treasured my whole life was gone and I could never get it back. He even tried acting like he regretted it to see if I would come out and say that I did. Of course I did! But I said it was okay to make him feel better, ugh I was such an idiot. Looking back I know he didn’t regret it. Why would he? From the start that was his goal.

While we dated he used my kindness against me to make me feel like I was in the wrong with everything. If we fought it was because I did something wrong. He had all the power. I wasn’t myself when I was with him. I lost two years of high school with my friends just having fun and being happy all for this creep who couldn’t keep it in his pants. Sure I thought I was happy at the time, but I know now that it was so unhealthy to be with him from the start. I have the hardest time forgiving myself of that time in my life. I say to myself “If I could go back and do it all over again I would’ve kicked him to the curb and had been stronger”, but who knows where I would be today. I love my life now. I have a wonderful husband who is kind, compassionate and loves me for who I really am and would never try to change me. So I guess this can all be a learning experience that had to happen. For me to be the person I am today.

Signed,

A strong independent woman.

Dear Strong, Independent Woman,

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. The whole point of this book and website, with letters like yours, is to show people of all ages that we’re just right, exactly as we are, and that there is hope. It’s never too late. Since you found this website, I’m hoping you saw the “12-Step Program for Virgins”. If not, take a look at them and I think you’ll see they’ll make you feel better.

Above all, it’s time to forgive yourself. So you made a mistake? You made a choice that given the chance again, you wouldn’t make this time around. That’s okay. You learned from it and moved on. That’s what life is all about.

My mission is to empower young people (gay, straight, everybody!) to take control of their spirits and their bodies. Don’t give your power away! You learned that at an early age. Be proud of yourself for learning rather than continuing to give your power away over and over.