Mari Ness's Blog, page 21

The Black Cauldron and other people's poetry readings

Not feeling the blogging bug at the moment, but two quick tidbits:

1. I chatter about The Black Cauldron over at Tor.com today.

2. Fellow poet C.S.E. Cooney is having three separate poetry performances in the New England area, including one at my friend Patty's bookshop, Annie's Book Stop. I love it when friends come together like this. And if for some reason you've missed Claire in performance before -- go watch. She's amazing.

Venetia

And the Georgette Heyer reread continues over at Tor.com with Venetia.

Apology from Lone Star Con

Just wanted to note that the chair of Lone Star Con has apologized to me over at Rose Lemberg's blog. Since my comment responded to is one of the most minor points, I hope that the Chair also has read my two other comments there as well as the feedback from other users, and that future Worldcon chairs will take a look at well.

Otherwise, I want to thank Lone Star Con for the apology, and hope that future Worldcons will be better.

Heyer reread continues, Lloyd Alexander reread continues, and poem!

So, while I was at Worldcon and recovering, various things happened, like, publications!

1. First, over at Tor.com, the Heyer reread continued with Sylvester, or the Wicked Uncle and the Chronicles of Prydain reread got going with The Book of Three. To answer the third most popular question that I was asked at Worldcon, yes, I will be covering the Westmark and Vesper Holly series, although there may be a small interruption midway through the reread for a different series (the timing, as always, is based on Tor stuff, not me.)

Sidenote: it was pretty gratifying to hear at Worldcon how many people are enjoying the Heyer posts, largely because those feel like complete indulgences on my part. But one of the first new people I met had been reading them and had Things to Say! We bonded over hating Bath Tangle. It's a good bond.

2. The fourth issue of Through the Gate went up, containing my tiny little poem Mountain. The issue also has a prose poem by Sonya Taaffe called Mari Mild which has nothing to do with me, but I loved the title so I am noting it here. Check out the rest of the issue while you're there (assuming the word "poetry" hasn't made you flee); it's really excellent.

3. And if you haven't subscribed to Daily Science Fiction yet, you still have a few days before my next little set of short stories for them (technically, one story subdivided into three separate flash stories), called "Gifts" pops up in your inbox later this month.

Worldcon: The Good Things

So, apart from the panels, the disability issues, getting sick, being woozy for much of the rest of Friday, and much of Saturday, needing long naps Saturday, Sunday, and Monday and having to ask far too many people for help, and now getting blamed for not asking for help and getting told that the lack of a ramp at a disability in science fiction panel was all my fault for not asking for one even though programming was aware that I was in a wheelchair, how was the rest of Worldcon, Mrs. Lincoln?

Not too bad, actually.

I had some wonderful dinners and lunches with various people, too many to list. I had a hilarious moment when SFWA didn't recognize me as a real member which led to an awesome conversation about how reality applies or doesn't apply to science fiction writers. I met, however briefly, a REAL ASTRONAUT (I think we scared her with our enthusiasm and I'm sorry about that, but ASTRONAUT. IN A BAR. WITH ME.) I got to drink with writers and editors during the Hugo awards (we were down at the bar, which I gotta tell you is the place to be during the Hugo awards) and yell in glee when Game of Thrones finally beat out Doctor Who. (That was hilarious.) I got to meet several writers I've never met before; I only wish that so many of those conversations had NOT been about disability issues, and I'm sorry about that. I got some signed books and a wooden puzzle of a cat and a dragon (I couldn't resist) and a fun T-shirt and resisted buying a lot of jewelry and touched the Iron Throne and forgot to take pictures of Daleks. I rolled with the stars (they strolled; I rolled). I attended a couple of parties (not too many this year because I was kinda dizzy and the noise was killing me); saw San Antonio at night from a 38th story window; wandered the Riverwalk with the help of people, took the little Rivertaxi around. I had dinner with an long term friend of mine (I promised us both I wouldn't type "old") who kindly drove down from Houston to see me, which was awesome. I saw some bats. I had wonderful conversations.

And finally, on Monday, with help, I made it to the Alamo. I didn't stay long, but I made it.

My original plan had been to go home Monday, but when I realized that I could save on airfare by going home Tuesday instead, I changed my plans, and I'm so glad I did. Monday turned out to be a decompression, relaxation day (it included a long nap and more time in the bar), where I met some more new friends. That evening was awesome.

So, yeah, good things, bad things. As I told people when I returned, definitely mixed, but I'm going to try to remember the good things.

Worldcon: Other things, part two: the Alamo.

This is the post that I didn't feel like writing. Friday morning I woke up pretty disoriented – but once I got past that point and had some coffee I felt fine. Energized, even, and very pleased – I'd managed to get to various places in San Antonio AND I'd only gotten slightly woozy. Everyone said I looked great and much healthier than before which was so good to hear. I was better, really better.

And then I found out that the Alamo tour was about to take off. Finally seeing the Alamo had been one of my minor goals for the trip - I mean, it's San Antonio, so, Alamo - and it was a short tour and Carrie Vaughn kindly offered to push me. I had my Gatorade and an extra water bottle and I drank lots before the trip. My feet weren't swollen at all, and although I didn't check my blood pressure my pulse was a nice 90, so off we went.

It was a fairly slow tour – going to an old church first, and then around to give us an idea of the setup for the final battle. The guide (a Worldcon person) was the excellent sort of guide who put in all of the good little geeky details – battle descriptions, historical controversies, Star Trek connections, and so on. To be honest, he was a bit too good: I was so fascinated that I stopped noticing that the ground was starting to move. I went through my Gatorade and through my water bottle. The ground moved again. We were right in front of the Alamo. The ground started shifting. My heart started pounding.

And then the ground dipped hard to the left and I was clinging to my chair before I fell off the planet.

For those of you wondering why I use a wheelchair with armrests and pushbars, which makes it more difficult for me to access and push my wheels, this would be why. When I am incredibly sick – and this is the incredibly sick stage – I can't sit up or push the chair and I need assistance.

Which was a problem since the tour wasn't over.

I didn't want anyone to have to leave on my behalf. I stayed in the chair and tried to follow my physical therapist's breathing instructions. These are good instructions but it's kinda difficult when the world is tilting that badly. I asked Carrie to just push me towards some taxis. She insisted on pushing me back to the hotel.

I felt terrible and incredibly guilty – I was dragging her away from a tour she was enjoying just because I had misjudged how well I felt. I also felt too dizzy to argue. She brought me back to the hotel and I told her I would be fine. I wasn't. We'll skip over the next bits, except to say thanks to a Marriott hotel employee/EMT and someone wearing a Star Trek uniform who helped.

Two and a half hours later I figured I could sit up. Cautiously. I realized I needed some solid food, so crept towards the SFWA suite, where I had a sandwich. The planet started tilting again. I headed back to my room and then started having more problems.

....so that was fun. Eventually my blood pressure got back up a bit and I finally slept. By the evening I felt much better, and even managed to come out for things.

Nonetheless this meant that for the rest of the con I tried to take it very easy: long naps, lying down, feet up as much as possible. I think it mostly worked: I definitely had multiple periods of wooziness and my feet would not stop swelling up, and I had some major problems at the San Antonio airport, but I convinced Southwest to let me go home anyway, and I wasn't coughing that much (this was a plus for everyone).

Thanks again to everybody who helped.

Worldcon: The numbers

So, post Worldcon the internet has been chattering about the number of attendees (apparently lower than usual) and the average age of attendees (high). As part of the conversation, several people keep saying that the reason Worldcon has more trouble attracting attendees than, say, DragonCon and ComicCon is because DragonCon, ComicCon and other cons stay in the same city so they are able to grow, while Worldcon keeps jumping around. Also it's expensive.

Ahem.

Allow me to introduce you to an organization called the Society for Human Resource Management, which I will now call SHRM.

Like Worldcon, SHRM runs an annual convention. Like Worldcon, SHRM is an event attended by a number of people with different motivations: industry pros, academics, job hunters, computer development teams, health care executives, people needing certifications in whatever, attorneys, students, and so on. For instance, most doctoral programs in human resource management – yes, this is a thing – require their students to attend, as do some master's level programs, and papers presented at SHRM count as academic publications. Like Worldcon, it has a large exhibitors room and many famous people running around. (Not "famous" just in HR terms – the upcoming SHRM is bringing in Hillary Rodham Clinton, astronaut Mike Kelly, and so on.) Like Worldcon, it "competes" with several other HR events, including regional and state SHRM conferences which typically happen at least once or twice a year. Like Worldcon it hosts an awards ceremony, and like Worldcon it offers things you can't get anywhere else (not so much Hillary Clinton, but certification classes and specialized seminars.)

Like Worldcon, it also visits a new city every year. 2013 was in Chicago. 2014 will be in Orlando.

Unlike Worldcon, it is growing, if slowly. When I attended about ten years ago, it attracted about 10,000 people; this year, about 13,000 people showed up and apparently they are expecting about 14,000 for Orlando.

This, despite the fact that SHRM is INCREDIBLY expensive. Just entering the exhibit hall for one day will set you back a solid $110. (On the bright side you can sometimes spot someone passing out little trays of food and, around 4 pm, small glasses of wine.) A full registration is a solid $1200 IF you are a member of SHRM and IF you register early, and this is all before you have paid for hotels, food, parking or airfare, seminars, certification classes, workshops and more, none of which are included. And this for a con where you have far less chance of even seeing, much less meeting, Hillary Clinton than you have, say, of seeing and meeting George RR Martin at Worldcon.

Now, yes, I can only take this so far, since the two events also have several significant differences. Just to start with, no one is going to SHRM for fun, despite the lavish dinners and copious alcohol in the evening. Most attendees are fairly to very well off to begin with, and can write it off as some sort of business expense and/or get their employers to cover the costs. SHRM also has a LOT more money – Google says the organization had $180 million in assets in 2010, which sounds about right, and SHRM attracts major corporate sponsorships – Microsoft, AETNA, Disney, that sort of thing. And in some cases, attendees have to be there to get whatever goal – academic publication, a job offer, certification – which provides an additional incentive.

But SHRM is hardly the only conference/convention that is extremely expensive and moves from major city to city and yet has no problem attracting new and younger attendees and people of color. Conventions do this all the time. Worldcon and World Fantasy are unusual among genre cons, granted. But assuming we agree that there is a problem with Worldcon attendance numbers (and I should note not everyone does agree that a) the numbers are dropping or b) that this is a problem) we need to look at the actual reasons. Moving from city to city and being expensive may not be helping, but they are at best inadequate explanations.

Worldcon: Non-Panel stuff, part one

1. Unlike everyone else, I have absolutely no cool pictures, mostly because I forgot my cell phone could take pictures until I got back to Orlando. Which in retrospect was not the best time to remember this.

2. First cab I got into, from the airport to the hotel, has a big sign plastered to the window about Your Rights As A Passenger, which includes Full Access to Wheelchair Accessible vehicles.

Naturally, the first cab did not have space for my wheelchair and I had to get into another one.

3. A convention of 3900 people (I think – I kept hearing different numbers all weekend) means that a lot of people have to show up early, and by a lot, I mean, the lobby is already filled up with geeks as you are checking in. The hotel helped me upstairs. I had a little conversation with myself.

"It's a NEW PLACE and it's FULL OF GEEKS and YOU SHOULD GO AND HAVE FUN!"

"ZONK."

Zonk won. But I did manage to drag myself back downstairs for a bit of dinner at the mall (which was attached to the hotel) and a first look at the San Antonio Riverwalk.

4. About the Riverwalk: it's a walking (and, outside the major downtown tourist area, bicycle) path which runs along both sides of the river (mostly) and has various little gardens and fake waterfalls and ducks and turtles and dining areas and Irish pubs and so on. A portion of it has been cut out to create a nice little circle so you can go round and round. It's extremely touristy with the usual overpriced touristy restaurants, but, hey, turtles and if you look you can find affordable food, or, because this is me, milkshakes. (I know, I know, diet, but hey. It was seriously hot.)

It's also well below street level and on its own goes up and down. This makes it rather interesting in a wheelchair. For instance, you can go down to the R level in the Rivercenter hotel (where the mall food court and some very boring shops were) and go through the mall and end up on one side of the river and then use an exciting sequence of elevators and street systems to get to the other side (and by "exciting" I mean "the elevators sometimes stop" or you can ROLL ROLL ROLL down a nice steep and bumpy ramp to the other side and then roll roll roll past the Riverboat tour and then pick a series of bridges to figure out which difficult to get to restaurants you would like to visit or PUSH PUSH PUSH up uneven pavements to a section of the convention center which was not on my map but which had an excellent bathroom, which is important.

Not that I saw much of that on day one because ZONK was winning out and it was just not worth the fight. I made it back to my room and slept for 12 straight hours.

5. COFFEE. This became a rallying cry at the con. I went to the overpriced Starbucks in the hotel lobby (seriously overpriced; there was another Starbucks in the mall that had the regular Starbucks prices, but it was a bit too far for me to manage, so I grit my teeth and paid the extra amount), confirmed that I could get my daily banana there and then headed off to registration, with the kindly help of some people who pushed me in return for my studying the map.

TOTAL SIDENOTE: The hands down best prepurchase I made for this con was my Dragon Magnifying glass, because, see, map.

Anyway, we found Registration. This was very well organized and I was done much sooner than expected with my shiny new badge (I got my Rainbow Ribbon later) which I promptly stuffed into my bag as I hailed a taxi.

6. The taxi ride: So, this started with another convention dude and me. As we swung by the Alamo, I saw the outside (this is going to be a theme, so hold on). He jumped off and then the taxi driver took off. He was very excited to hear about incoming writers since this meant he could tell me about his great writing moment: taking Alex Haley in a cab and then later finding out that Haley had lost all of his money on women (I am quoting the taxi cab driver; I have no verification for this.)

Anyway he eventually got me to the San Antonio Museum of Art.

7. Getting into the San Antonio Museum of Art was one of those unintentionally hilarious disability moments. Here's how it works in the wheelchair. Bump bump bump BUMPBUMP bump over to a narrow, relatively steep ramp lined with bricks. I probably could have handled one or the other, but not both. Someone pushed me up BUMP BUMP and then – the door with the little disabled button so it could be opened automatically, which is great if you can get to the door. Anyway.

The actual museum is pretty awesome – not too large, not too small. I spent most of my time looking at Roman stuff because, well, sarcophagi (I don't think anyone expected me to miss those) but they also had some highly pornographic Greek stuff and some really lovely Chinese stuff and a painting by John Singer Sargent that held me enthralled. I don't know what it is about Sargent and rich society women, but it's something.

Not that I saw the entire museum. Getting to some sections was going to be Interesting and I didn't feel like Interesting, plus I was a bit concerned about the overall heat.

Plus.

RIVER TAXI.

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP bump bump SHAKE bump bump bump then, WHEE down a long twisty ramp all the way to the river then a long long rest then boat.

This was great. The boat took me right up to the end of the boat trip – which included a lovely little waterfall and some ducks – and then we turned around and went back past the museum and very very slowly down the river, through the sound sculpture (under a bridge) and various other art projects (mostly under bridges) and through the boat lock. The slowly was mostly me because I kept seeing turtles, but also partly the boat: that's a very shallow river so the boats go slowly. Had I known that the water taxi stopped at the museum I would have taken that to the museum in the first place.

....ok, so I lied. The ACTUAL non-panel stuff is forthcoming!

Worldcon: The promise of more posts

Yes, yes, other good and bad and funny things happened at Worldcon, but my mind, it is zoning in and out. So, soon! Tomorrow, even, if not sooner.

Worldcon: the panels (warning, long)

Just before the Thursday morning Stroll With the Stars I heard a rumor that Programming was having some issues thanks to last minute cancellations and other things, with several panels having empty slots. Eyes rolled over in my direction.

Now, for various reasons, I haven't been on any panels at science fiction/genre conventions before (other types, yes). Partly this is because I still feel like more than a bit of an imposter at cons, but mostly, this is because I have a very unpredictable illness which may mean that I will have to cancel at the last minute – and may not be able to let anyone know that I am cancelling.

However. Thursday morning I was high on sugar and caffeine (thank you overpriced Starbucks) and trying to figure out how to cancel my ongoing guilt/imposter feeling. So after the Stroll With the Stars a very kind person took me to the convention center, where I met up with another very kind person who offered to take me to Programming.

Through no fault of WorldCon, Programming happened to be located in arguably the Most Difficult To Find Place in San Antonio. The volunteer and I went Round and Round and Round, and then, for a change, Round, and then more Round, before finally finding the place. There I met a clearly overworked woman desperately trying to work out con schedules. I gave her my brief bio and what I'm sorta known for (Oz, poetry, short fiction, children's literature.)

I was offered the Disability in Science Fiction panel.

I use a wheelchair.

I was also warned that the Disability in Science Fiction panel did not have a ramp to the stage but since I was now part of the panel she would try to find a solution. I was also put on the How to Publish Your Poetry panel, and then I took the little Water Taxi back to the hotel.

About an hour later, a poetry editor rejected a couple of my poems, kinda solidifying my thought that this whole paneling thing was really not a great idea, unless everyone wanted to learn How to Get Your Poems Rejected. That, I'm really really good at. I was also worried about the Disability in Science Fiction panel, largely because I mostly read biographies and mysteries, not science fiction, and I knew the other panelists knew more of the field than I did. A couple of very nice conrunners/SMOFs from another con assured me that even if I threw up on other con panelists worse things have happened. So, I stayed on.

Saturday morning Rachel Swirsky texted me to say that Nancy Hightower was moderating a Prose by Day/Poet by Night panel at 11 am which now only had two people on it and could I fill in? I said yes and got more coffee. Another very nice person pushed me over to the SFWA meeting which started at 10.

At 10:30 I left the SFWA meeting to make it to my poetry panel. I pulled out my little Helpful Map where my route had been marked out by a Worldcon volunteer. This meant going down carpet (check!) going up an elevator (check!) following my little map and going forward (check!) finding myself at another convention....

Uncheck.

After a short discussion with the People Magazine convention we agreed that I could cut through their convention IF I was escorted. I put my hands up and didn't look at anything (then) and made it to the other side. I decided to visit a bathroom, which went as those things do until I came out and someone accidentally spilled hot coffee over my right hand. Ouch. I headed over more carpet and looked at my watch and my little map and decided to ask for the most efficient route. Luckily at this point Juan Sanmiguel spotted me and took me to the panel, arriving at 10:59. Yes, it had taken me nearly a half hour to get from the SFWA meeting to the panel.

Where the three other panelists (L.E. Modesitt had joined at the last minute) were all up on a stage that did not have a ramp.

So they stayed on the stage and I stayed on the floor with a mike.

Otherwise I think that panel went well although I admit I was kinda sad when Locus came in to take a picture and missed me because they didn't realize I was part of the panel (it was when the others were talking). Oh well. Otherwise, it was a great discussion.

Sunday I headed over to the Disability in Science Fiction panel. There was no ramp to the stage. Instead, tables had been set up and we all sat in front of the stage to accommodate me. This was a relatively large room and people in the back apparently couldn't see me (some people later told me they couldn't figure out why we weren't on the stage until I mentioned that I was in a chair, but even then, they couldn't see that access to the stage was up steps, not a ramp. Also, the panel did not have an ASL interpreter. (I don't think any panels did, but for the Disability panel, that would have been a nice touch, especially since the subject of the Deaf community/writers did come up.)

I'm not going to rehash that panel here except to say that yes, I was upset, and no, honestly, I am not dealing with illness related stuff, including the wheelchair, right now all that well at all (in case it wasn't incredibly obvious.) Working on this. I also suspect that my disappointment about the Alamo (separate post) played a role.

Anyway.

A Florida friend not at the con told me to get away from the con for a bit, so I did, avoiding everyone. And took a nap. Then I came out and crept back over to the convention center for the How to Publish Your Poetry panel. This was me, Jo Walton, Rachel Swirsky and another older gentleman whose name I didn't catch. Jo asked us all to explain why we were on the panel. In answer to this, the gentleman noted that he'd been asked at the last minute to join the panel and be a warm body, and that he had last published poetry in the 1960s. Somewhat later he noted that he had written poetry to pick up girls, and that he had stopped writing poetry when it didn't get him any girls. Rachel Swirsky, who is awesome, instantly responded, "I don't know. I get plenty of girls."

I thought this panel was otherwise ok, although apparently some of my residual anger/emotional reactions were still around; the audience later said they found me intimidating. I don't feel particularly intimidating, so this is a hard word to wrap my mind around. I'm also not sure if I got my main point across, which is that we are currently in what I would call a miraculous, marvelous age for speculative poetry, with poets doing incredible work with traditional forms, experimental forms, fun forms, and just transforming words into beauty, so marvelous I want everyone to be a part of it.

It was an interesting experience overall, but I think I should probably stick to not being on panels for awhile.

Edited to add: To be clear, compared to a couple of past events, this was relatively accessible. The Marriott Rivercenter was mostly ok except for a few hiccups. The real problems happened outside the Marriott Rivercenter hotel, and were generally more associated with San Antonio/typical accessibility things.