Andrew MacLaren-Scott's Blog, page 39

Going to Dundee (not me)

Another day (please go away)

Another day
another person interfering and trying to manipulate what I do
Another day
another person talking nonsense and expecting me to agree
Another day
another person being ignorant and rude, oh no, it was two
Another day
another person trying to change me from the perfectly acceptable way I want to be
Another day
another mindless idiot spouting faith in things they cannot possibly know are true
Another day
another unwelcome and unasked for interruption to the business of being me
Another day
Just leave me damn alone, the lot of you, please do, please do, please do

A night on the steps again

My most commonly recurring dream traps me in a large dark building full of Escher steps. It is not hard to interpret, I suppose. It is often based on my old tenement in Leith, but widened into further dimensions, and I can see where I want to get to and the steps that seem to lead me there, but when I climb I soon arrive at an impossible gap, so I retrace my path and try again on what seems from a distance to be the correct route, but then I return again to a different but also impossible geography to negotiate, etc, etc, etc., and always on the edge of precipitous drops just ready to suck me downward to my doom. I was on the stairs again last night, and awoke exhausted, and then immediately wondering about the important news I am awaiting about a possible and precious major new endeavour. The dream is not hard to interpret, but I wish it would cease, and I would never again be trapped to spend an evening on the impossible and impassable stairways.


M. C. Escher

Experientiality

Days ruined by an accusation of error based on a lie, but before I knew it was a lie I had to spend the several days wondering... Was it true? Had I made that error? What response would I get to my own response that challenged the accuser for the evidence? Full of self doubt, for I do make mistakes. Don't we all? But surely no? Was it true? Again, again, again, in a turning mind that would not let it be, to just wait and see... Until then, today, in eventual response to the refutation and the challenge for the evidence, the story suddenly changed. Oh... So I was right. Oh... So the lie was deliberate. A con by a chancer trying his luck, and now offering up a very different tale, to wriggle away from what he earlier had to say. And then I was invited to let that cynical slyness pass, to avoid making a problem, and to smooth what could become an awkward path. Oh well, okay. So when offered a possible solution by an intermediary, and asked what I wanted to do, I sighed and said, "Just do whatever will make life easier for you, and him (the lying bastard - [that bit unsaid]), and me, I suppose." And so the lie will be ignored, the path will be smoothed, and the days of troubled mind will be set aside in the big and bulging box that is labelled:
________________
EXPERIENCE________________

Sun on the tracks

Invasion of privacy

I took a bath. The window was open, but it is too high for even the tallest of voyeurs to see in, but one prying female neighbour was capable of astonishing athleticism... then the photographer arrived.


The cat may have been wondering if she had found a mouse.

Metaphorically me

Until next time

It is time

It is time
Just look at the clockIt is, isn't it?Come on nowYou know what for
or perhaps for whateven if I do notand I certainly know what for
or perhaps for whateven if you do notIt is timeIt really isthis timeThink about itand you will know what it is time for
or for what it is timeAnd like me you will have thought about it a lotbut the knowing is not the problemIt is time to move on from the knowingand get started on the doingIt is timethis timeIt is time
to do, not talk
Just look at the clock
ticky-tock
ticky-tock
tick-tock

Demented

Another one seems to be going now, so sadly, although he is 93
His real being disintegrating each day before us, is dreadful to see
A grey shadow, turning black, creeping over a once bright mind
A stumbling, emerging, confused, incoherence, as consciousness turns blind


Light ebbing from a darkening evening seaAnd so who next?Maybe her, him, you, me

Coexistence

Coexistence is possibleif you leave me aloneand I leave you aloneand you don't try to change meand I don't try to change youWe may never be friendsbut we may coexist