S.M. Stevens's Blog, page 25
November 1, 2019
Fun Photo Friday: Guatemalan Paddleboard
Today’s Fun Photo Friday feature takes us to Lake Atitlan in Guatemala, where my daughter is volunteering at a paddleboarding company.
Lake Atitlan is a volcanic lake in the Western Highlands of Guatemala.
I love this photo because (a) it’s of my daughter, (b) it has a dog, and (c) the colors are just amazing. The blues are icy and peaceful at the same time.
And the water…it looks as much like clouds or snow as it does water.
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October 30, 2019
What’s Wrong with Trunk-or-Treat
Warning:
This blog post is going to raise some hackles. Sorry not sorry.
I’m
not old-fashioned, but when it comes to traditional Trick-or-Treating being
usurped by Trunk-or-Treating, I am willingly stuck in the past. Allow me to mix
my holiday metaphors and show you the ghosts of Halloween past, present and
future.
The
Ghost of Halloween Past
Halloween
in the 1970s represented an important rite of passage. I don’t recall how much
candy I got when Trick-or-Treating as a child because despite my sweet tooth,
the candy was secondary to the costume, the camaraderie of being out with
friends, and the surging independence that thrilled in my veins every October
31.
I
do remember my costumes: baseball player, pirate, and—in one uninspired
year—ghost. I remember cruising the streets farther than I thought I dared,
spurred on by a feisty friend but safe with my older sister. I remember how
grown-up I felt as my nose tingled and cheeks burned after hours in the damp
and frosty New England air. And I remember how liberated I felt being outside
in the night without my parents.
Times
Change
Fast
forward three decades to when my daughters started Trick-or-Treating. Parents routinely
ventured out with our children due to increased sensitivity to stranger danger
and—at least in our small Massachusetts town—a scarcity of streetlights and
sidewalks. But when my kids were old enough to watch out for speeding cars,
they were on their own. I didn’t worry because they were with friends, and many
other kids and parents were also wandering the rural neighborhood.
[image error]
My
older daughter often went to a friend’s side of town to Trick-or-Treat, which I
supported. Our street was particularly dark and the houses were separated by
considerable distances. I would drop her at Melissa’s knowing she had simply
transferred her Halloween fun to a different location. But she still walked,
knocked on doors and interacted with people while collecting her loot.
A
Shift Occurs
A
few years later, things started to change again. Parents started driving their
kids everywhere, even to different towns, targeting the most populous
areas for the largest haul of candy. Right there an important shift occurred. Let
me help you get as much candy as possible with the least amount of effort
because that’s the spirit of Halloween.
Kids
no longer walked door-to-door. The only steps taken were to and from the car at
each stop. Which was understandable, because those poor children were probably
all tuckered out from lifting their enormous bags of candy.
I’m
not a complete Scrooge. I do understand cars are practical if the weather is
bitter cold or rainy, even though in my day (cue sentimental music), we just
walked faster and ended earlier if our discomfort overrode our desire for more
sugar.
The
Ghost of Halloween Present
At
some point in the past five or six years, adults decided to re-structure
Halloween again. I learned this last week, as I passed signs for Trunk-or-Treat
events in several different towns. Imagine my horror upon learning what was
afoot with this bastardization of Halloweens past.
The
concept, if you’re not familiar, is that adults decorate the backs of their
cars, load up on candy and sit in a parking lot while the kids “trick or
treat”—if you can call it that—from vehicle to vehicle.
Some
savvy adults must have thought: Hey, since no one’s walking anymore, let’s
make it even more convenient/fun for me. Let’s congregate in one parking lot
and have the kids go trunk to trunk in a smash and grab operation thinly
disguised as community togetherness.
[image error]Photo by Pfc. Andrew King
I
do understand that if a neighborhood is simply not safe, Trunk-or-Treat is a
smart idea. Trunk-or-Treat is a fine way to make Halloween fun accessible to
all, including the disabled. If Trunk-or-Treat serves as another Halloween
party of sorts, that’s cool, and I realize many such events include other
activities in addition to collecting candy.
But the prospect of Trunk-or-Treat replacing Trick-or-Treat has any self-respecting mummy rolling over in its grave.
Truth
be told, I suspect other motivations are at play here: The adults’ desire to
show off their decorating flair. Their interest in hanging with other parents
instead of walking the streets. The potential to surreptitiously sip a hot
toddy. In essence, the grown-ups have hijacked Halloween, turning it into a
party run by adults for adults. We’ll let the kids dress up and eat candy to
keep them happy.
What’s
Wrong with this Picture?
There
are so many things wrong with Trunk-or-Treat that I barely know where to start.
Adults are doing the decorating. Don’t believe me? Google photos of Trunk-or-Treat. This triggers for me a nauseating flashback to Moms doing their kindergarteners’ school projects for them. Don’t they understand that sloppy and amateur are heart-warming?
The kids barely walk. Taking a few steps between cars in a parking lot makes walking around a housing development or cul-de-sac look like a one-mile jog. Gone is the thrill of slowly approaching a yard festooned with tombstones and skeletons, or a house with scary music emanating from within.
Social interaction (for the kids) is minimized. No tentatively knocking on doors to speak with people in your community you haven’t yet met. No joy when your group’s chorus of “trick or treat” is in perfect unison. (Do kids even say “trick or treat” at a Trunk-or-Treat? And shouldn’t it be Trunk-and-Treat?)
[image error]
Finally, it’s a parking lot. I don’t care if it’s a dirt one or paved. There are no crispy, recently fallen leaves to scuffle though, and no wet grass aroma in the air. For younger kids, there’s no need to clutch your Dad’s hand in the spooky, shadowy night. For older kids, there’s no small taste of freedom as you roam the streets with only your friends for chaperones. In short, it’s not an adventure.
The end results of this confectionary speed dating are more candy, more empty calories, less socialization and less exercise. So American.
The
Ghost of Halloween Future
[image error]
I
can only imagine what’s next. Kids will complain: Why do we have to go all
the way to a parking lot to see stupid stuff the grown-ups did to their cars?
It takes me ten minutes to get my candy and then I have to stand there being
bored while you talk with your friends.
The
next iteration of Trick-or-Treat will be posting children at the edges of their
yards like sentries, holding their bags open and waiting for the candy to come
to them. Adults will drive by and drop treats into the bags.
Grown-ups
still get to satisfy their creative jones and their desire to win the Coolest
Parent Award. I see themed cars with costumed parents inside: maybe the car is
decorated like a castle, the mother is the queen, and the father is a knight
who catapults candy out of the car into the waiting bags.
Once
the kids have been reduced to even smaller supporting roles, will they even like
Halloween anymore? Mommmm, I don’t want to stand outside in the cold while
your friends throw candy at us! It’s so lame. Can’t you just give us the money
so we can buy the candy we like, instead of all these Smarties and Tootsie
Rolls?
And just like that, Halloween will be as dead as the ghouls and vampires that symbolize the holiday. And parents will sit around drinking Melted Witch martinis and Bloody Punch, wondering how it all came to pass.
[image error]
Photo at top by Maj. Satomi Mack-Martin
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October 29, 2019
#HAHG on Chat About Books
So grateful to Kerry Parsons for covering Horseshoes and Hand Grenades on her Chat About Books blog, which has been nominated for Best Book Blog in the Annual Bloggers Bash three years running.
Kerry published an interview with moi, filled with fun questions like this one:
If you wrote an autobiography, what would your title be?
My answer: Shy Child, Tortured Teen, Successful PR Pro, World’s Proudest Mother, Solar Advocate, and Aspiring Author. Is that too long? How about: Finding Joy in Life’s Simple Pleasures: How I Turned My Teenage Angst into a Zen-like Peace of Mind.
Kerry also took the time and space to publish an extract/excerpt from Horseshoes and Hand Grenades. In the previously unpublished excerpt (other than in the book itself of course!), Astrid is propositioned by her boss Brad.
Read the full post including the interview and excerpt here on Chat About Books.
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October 27, 2019
Rutland Author Fair Coming Nov. 2
I don’t blog about every author event I do, but the Rutland Author Fair promises to be something special, so I wanted to share. Those of you in the Rutland, Mass., area, please take note. Better yet, tell your friends. And best of all, be sure to come!
The free Author Fair is Saturday, November 2 at Rutland Public Library, 280 Main Street in Rutland, from 10 AM to 1 PM. I’ll be showing my new novel Horseshoes and Hand Grenades, as well as my earlier works.
The energetic and lovely organizer (and author), Jean Grant, has put together a stellar program of meet-and-greet, pre-holiday shopping, and fun prizes and giveaways.
[image error]Some of the books on display and for sale at the Rutland Author Fair
Here’s a preview of what you’ll find at the event, which for some inexplicable reason, I decided to tell in rhyme. But don’t worry, the poetry available at the Author Fair will be much better! 
October 25, 2019
Fun Photo Friday: At the Edge of the World
A friend took this photo of his seaplane docked at a lake’s edge. It’s a cool photo but I think it also qualifies for Fun Photo, because doesn’t it look as if the plane is actually perched at the edge of the world? You may have to use your imagination a tad, but this is an author’s blog after all!
The water was so still that day that the pink, blue and gray-tinged clouds don’t look reflected in the lake. They look as if they’re in the lake. Or that there is no lake, and the plane hovers at the edge of a cliff.
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October 22, 2019
What #MeToo Tweets Reveal
San Francisco State University Assistant Professor of Economics Sepideh Modrek recently published the results of a study she and her research team conducted to analyze more than 12,000 #MeToo tweets posted from October 15 to October 21, 2017. This timeframe, you’ll recall, encompassed the initial tsunami of outcries in response to Alyssa Milano’s now famous tweet that turned Tarana Burke’s important crusade into a social phenomenon.
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Ben Renner describes the origin of the study on StudyFinds:
Modrek was watching the events unfold from the comfort of her home. As her Twitter feed was consumed with friends and followers describing their own harrowing experiences, Modrek decided to archive all of the #MeToo tweets. Modrek collected 400 tweets, which would go on to be the basis of her latest research project.
Sharing Painful Details
“I was floored that people were sharing details. They were writing things like, ‘When I was 15, this happened,’” Modrek says in a university release. “I was seeing pretty intimate details being shared in a public forum in a way I’d never thought people would do. I was impressed and captivated.”
“A lot of people spoke up and publicly shared these experiences,” Modrek concludes, “and it completely changed our dialogue. I wanted to capture and honor their courage.”
Modrek hopes her research will encourage victims to speak up, and that it will convey to others how damaging harassment is, even when the victims don’t speak up right away.
I wrote Horseshoes and Hand Grenades for similar reasons. I hope to help victims acknowledge that what happened to them — no matter the “severity” — matters. And I hope to help non-victims understand why some victims never speak up, and why some eventually do.
After all, opening the lines of communication, and reaching a common understanding, is where change starts.
#Metoo #TimesUp #HAHG #AlmostCounts
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October 18, 2019
Fun Photo Friday: Dog Advice for People
I wish I knew who made this so I could credit the person. It’s sage advice and fun to boot. Happy Fun Photo Friday!
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October 17, 2019
With Sexual Harassment, Almost Counts
Overt sexual harassment in the workplace may be decreasing but sexism or gender bias is increasing, The Boston Globe reported a few weeks ago in an article titled “Women facing ‘massive increase in hostility’ in workplace, #MeToo-era study says.”
Reporter Katie Johnston wrote that the subset of men who
feel threatened by the increasingly loud voices of their female colleagues are
foregoing inappropriate touches, which are no longer socially acceptable, and
turning to more insidious means of undermining their competition such as
exclusion from key meetings and withholding well-earned promotions.
This increase in a subtle form of workplace sexual harassment is troubling because women and society already “discount” less blatant cases of harassment.
Discounting Negative Experiences
Many women minimize negative experiences, pushing aside our
feelings so we can get on with the job, whether it’s running the company or
raising the kids. #MeToo may be giving us the support and courage to speak up
when harassment is severe, but what will happen in situations of gender bias,
which is harder to identify and harder to prove? Will we brush those under the
conference room carpet, afraid we won’t be taken seriously, doubtful we can
prove the transgression, or unsure in our own minds if it even counted?
Society, too, minimizes some forms of harassment. People try to measure the relevance of each transgression and the pain of victims using some still-to-be-defined spectrum or scale. The oft-asked question, How bad was it really?, is an attempt to assign a value to the incident, taking into account the harasser’s motivation as well as the victim’s experience.
Ranking Harassment Crimes
It is true that a ranking system for harassment crimes is
necessary to define appropriate punishment. It is true there is a wide swath of
harassment situations occupying the space between offenses widely accepted as punishable
and “locker room talk”. But that doesn’t mean that “lesser” forms of harassment
like gender bias are not worthy of acknowledgement, correction or punishment.
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As many victims can attest, any abuse or harassment, no matter the degree of severity, plays games with your confidence, your dignity and your outlook. The impact might not be as immediate or as visible as that from a violent rape or horrific incest situation. But all instances are wrong. There should be no acceptable sexism.
This zero-tolerance policy will be deemed overkill by some,
but it is widely accepted as the standard with other crimes. A street punk
stealing $10 from your wallet is as accountable for the crime as a professional
thief who steals thousands of dollars worth of valuables from a home. More to
the point, in both cases, we accept that the victims suffered, perhaps feeling
violated, frightened and powerless.
Crossing Invisible Lines
When the invisible line between acceptable and unacceptable social mores is crossed, damage happens. That line might be the bond of trust between adult and child. It might be a vicious invasion of a victim’s personal space and body. Or it might be the professional respect between colleagues that makes the workplace safe and equitable.
Almost counts in more than horseshoes and hand grenades. Victims of “lesser abuse” including workplace gender bias need to feel secure in speaking up and demanding action to ensure their fair treatment.
Society as a whole needs to recognize that almost counts, and work to abolish all forms of sexual harassment, including gender bias, for abusers will not reform their ways until forced to relinquish this increasingly prevalent weapon of workplace warfare.
#MeToo #TimesUp #HAHG #AlmostCounts
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October 15, 2019
“Barbara & Me” Video
Last week I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Barbara Foster, an icon in local TV, about my new #MeToo novel Horseshoes and Hand Grenades.
Barbara’s live show, Barbara & You, has been airing for more than 40 years! That makes it the longest running live television show in the entire country.
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October 11, 2019
Fun Photo Friday: Horsin’ Around
Promotion of Horseshoes and Hand Grenades began in earnest this week, but I need to take a quick break for Fun Photo Friday. Today’s post is a video of a horse/actor whose specialty is playing dead. Very funny!
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