Michael Harling's Blog, page 9

The Laundry Basket at the End of the Universe

WARNING: I am legally obligated to issue a TMI warning for the paragraph that follows. Unfortunately, it is germane to the story so, artistically, it needs to be included. I will, however, make it as brief and painless as possible:

The other day, I was getting ready for bed. I took off my underwear, dropped it on the floor, and put on my pyjamas. When I went to put my underwear in the laundry basket, however, it was gone.

(I hope that image isn’t seared into your retinas.)

*** This ends...

Condiment Conundrum

The other morning, I scrambled some eggs in a wide bowl, dunked slices of bread in it, fried them until they were nice and crisp, and served them for breakfast. My wife called it “Eggy Bread” and put ketchup on them, while I called it French Toast, and had it with butter and maple syrup.

French Toast, with butter and syrup, as God intended.An abomination.

It’s one of the stranger food-differences I find here in Britain, but I have to agree with my wife on this one. After all, I eat Scram...

Five Down, Three to Go

Book V of The Talisman Series, The Crystal Palace, is now behind me. Or, to be exact, sitting in front of me, on my bookshelf, as a complete paperback, published by Lindenwald Press, of which I am the sole proprietor, editor and author (but, for now, that is the way I want it).

This book comes with my standard offer:
if you buy a copy and find any errors in it, please notify me so I can correct them. I will then send you a new, updated and signed, paperback.

This was a surpri...

Branching Out

In addition to writing books, I also make books. This is a hobby that sorta sneaked up on me, but it has pretty much become entrenched at this point.

I started making books as a direct result of writing books. Back in 2016, as I finished up The Bard of Tilbury (The Talisman – Book IV), it occurred to me that, since it was about Shakespeare, it would be nice to present the book in a hand-made, leather-bound version. To facilitate that, I took a course at The Weald and Downland Living Museum—th...

Silly Love Songs

Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs
What ’s wrong with that…

I like musical theatre. I can say that because I am confident in my sexuality. And, for the record, I also like regular theatre. But the musicals! The singing, the choreography, the glitter…though, for me, it’s mostly the singing. I marvel at how anyone can flail around the stage, and yet produce such crisp, clear and consistent notes. I like to think I’m a pretty good singer, but the talent these people possess m...

Meet the New Car, Same as the Old Car

On the 27th of December 2022, we drove away from our flat in a white, Kia Picanto that was two years old when we bought it. Fifty-eight days later, we drove back to our flat in a white, Kia Picanto that was two years old when we bought it. Between those dates, we did a lot of walking, accepted rides from friends, and tried—unsuccessfully—to contact the insurance company.

Left: old car, with our pet fox posing next to it.
Right: new car, with a very similar Reg Number, except for the last three...

Computer 1 : Human 0

Five days ago, my computer and I went into a room.
Today, only one of us came out. And it wasn’t me.

Over the past few weeks, I have noticed that my usually speedy laptop was not so speedy anymore. I tried a few things to perk it up, but nothing worked, and on the 10th of February it came to a virtual standstill. And so, the following morning, I got up early and initiated the Return to Factory Settings sequence.

For those unfamiliar with this process, it involves (or used to involve) perfor...

Culinary Comforts

Having sated my gastronomic nostalgia by devouring both cans of Boston Brown Bread, sent to me by my daughter-in-law, my thoughts then turned to the culinary equivalent of a comfy sofa and a warm duvet that is a peanut butter and bacon sandwich.

Years without it, months to procure it, gone in two weeks.

That sounds fairly straight-forward. Unlike Boston Brown Bread, which is impossible to get over here, and which—when hunted for—elicits suspicious looks and hushed conversations about callin...

Techno-vention

Yesterday, my phone texted me to tell me I had visited five pubs in the previous week. This surprised me, for a number of reasons.

My first reaction was, that seemed a lot. While there have been times in my life when a statement like that would have made me think, “Is that all?” these days, I rarely visit one pub a week, much less five. So, that was surprising. As if sensing my incredulity, my phone then offered to show me a list. Curious, I clicked the link and, sure enough, I had managed to...

Schrödinger’s Car

You may recall that I ended 2022 by wrecking our car. If not, here’s a reminder:

Gosh, I love being reminded of this.

The question for today, however, is this: when is a car both a perfectly serviceable vehicle, and yet—at the same time—destine for the scrap heap? The answer, of course, is when Mr. Schrödinger—in the guise of an automobile insurance company—gets hold of it.

On the day of the incident, as my car sat atop the bollard, I called my insurance company to inform them. They told...