Beth Beutler's Blog, page 5

How and When to Apologize: Questions and Tips to Help You Decide

Earlier this month, I sent out an apology to my Breath of Hope members.

I had recently discovered that some of my website/post links were not working for mobile users. One responded, “Thanks … I thought it was my phone!”  For months, it was possible my readers were inconvenienced so I re-sent the links with an apology.

While I chose to apologize – was it necessary to?

We’ve all done it. We’ve irritated or inconvenienced a coworker or client, made an unintentional mistake, or did something we know was selfish, and we wonder if we should apologize.  

There are mixed opinions about the concept of saying “I’m sorry.”  Some of my associates feel strongly that (women especially) need to work diligently to NOT say “I’m sorry” so much.

On the other end, sometimes people are so rude they don’t even think about how they have inconvenienced people and never say, “I’m sorry.”

So how do you know when to apologize, and when not to? Here are a few questions to help you decide.

Did I inconvenience someone?
Did I intentionally cause pain? (You may think, “I would never do that!” but perhaps you did participate in gossip, or try to put your idea in front of someone else’s.)
Did I unintentionally cause pain or inconvenience? (In this case, I had.)

If you answered yes to any of these first three, there’s a good chance a sincere apology would be welcome, particularly if there is a pattern of behavior involved. (i.e. you tend to “run late” often and people have to wait for you.)  If it’s a first time, smaller thing (i.e. maybe just today you ran a few minutes late, but it’s not a pattern) then perhaps a simple, “Thank you for your patience!” is enough.

More questions …

Is this colleague super-sensitive and am I feeling like I need to continually apologize just to keep the peace?
Am I overly sensitive to never causing anyone else a problem, to the point of living in fear about it?
Am I thinking of apologizing mainly to get back into their good graces or to make sure they don’t change their opinion of me (but I’m really not sorry about what I said/did)?

If you answered yes to any of these three, you may want to hold back on offering that apology.

I have been blessed by a couple truly heartfelt, well put apologies. In one case, a colleague took responsibility for an issue and acknowledged the negative effect it had on me.  You can read about another here.

If you decide an apology is in order, here are some ways to make it more effective:  

Handle it as quickly, and as privately, as possible.
Acknowledge how you inconvenienced or hurt the person.  (“I didn’t respect your time.”)
Thank them for their patience with you (i.e. if they didn’t say anything when you were late for the fifth time.)
Use meaningful words such as, “I’m truly sorry. Would you please forgive me?” rather than, “Oh, sorry about that.”
If appropriate, share steps you will take to avoid the problem in the future. (“I’m starting to add a 10-minute warning before appointments on my calendar.”
NEVER say, “I’m sorry YOU took it that way” or “I’m sorry that’s how you feel.”  That’s not an apology at all!

And if you decide not to apologize, be confident in your choice, and move on with the relationship in a positive, courteous way for the future.

*****

Want to talk over a challenging situation at work with someone not in the middle of it? I offer a free 30-minute strategy session to any professional who’d like help crafting more work-life harmony.  Book yours here.

Image by freestocks-photos from Pixabay

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Pets in the Office and Elements of a Productive Day: Your Freebies, Features and Fun for June

If you had to list at least four elements of a productive day at work, what would you add to the list? Good coffee? Limited interruptions? An inspiring spot to work?  A dog or cat?

I’m writing this at my favorite co-working spot and they have a cute dog that comes to the office. I played with a puppy in an office downstairs. It’s becoming common for animals to become part of the workplace scene. So I thought it would be fun to see what pets, if any, would be most desirable in the workplace, according to YOU.

Chime in on our one question quick poll here and I’ll report back next month.

June’s free download is a template of four elements to help you formulate a productive day more often than not. It’s available at June’s Freebies, Features and Fun page, along with a few more tips, thoughts, and fun items for the month.

Each month I feature a service available to you through HOPE Unlimited. This month’s featured service is our Refresh bundle of prompters/activities. I used to sell this for a set price, but have decided to offer it via my new Patreon page. This allows you to pledge whatever amount you want (minimum $1.00.) It’s an easy way to be a supporting member of HOPE Unlimited and I say thank you in advance!

Here’s to a productive June!

Photo is of Caper, provided by Endeavor Greenville.

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Learning to Take Breaks that Work: Seven Things You Should Do for Yourself Regularly

Let’s face it.

Life and work can be stressful. Whether you are trying to wear all-the-hats running a small business (like me), have a pressure-filled position in corporate America, have to travel a lot for work or are under or unemployed, your professional life can be challenging. And when you add in personal pursuits and responsibilities (even positive ones) you can start to feel like you are running on empty more often than not.

It doesn’t have to be that way (all the time.) What if you could take small pauses in your day to refresh yourself without it becoming a project of its own? (Tell the truth–have you ever felt like taking a vacation from planning, packing and participating in a vacation?) You can.

Here are seven things you should consider doing for yourself regularly. They fit in the acronym REFRESH.

R – Rest Intentionally

E – Energize Yourself

F – Focus on What’s Important

R – Revive Your Inner Child

E – Entertain Your Mind and Spirit

S – Sense Your Senses

H – Help and Refresh Others

People who regularly incorporate these practices into their lives likely feel refreshed more often than those who don’t.

Let’s take a deeper look at what it means to practice these ideas:

Resting intentionally means more than falling into bed at night. It’s carving out specific times to rest and relax, without feeling guilty, knowing you are refilling your tank.

Energizing yourself can occur in multiple ways, including but not limited to wise nutrition choices, hydration, spending time alone or with people (or both) depending on your temperament, and pursuing activities that bring you joy.

Focusing on what’s important takes time. It could mean you put aside a project to have a date night or to play with a child or pet. It may mean having a weekly, monthly or quarterly meeting with yourself to review goals and habits and whether they still align with your values.

Reviving your inner child means that for a few moments, you throw away the fear of being childlike. Watch kids play and you’ll see how imaginative and energetic they are. They typically aren’t worried about whether people will think they are being silly.

Entertain your mind and spirit means different things to different people. Maybe you like to go to a movie. Or do puzzles. Or cook without having to rush. Find out what entertains you in a positive way and carve out time for it.

Sense your senses. Do you take the time to really pay attention to what you are hearing, smelling, tasting, seeing and feeling?

Help and refresh others. Proverbs 11:25 tells us, “A generous person will prosper. He who refreshes others will be refreshed.” I’m sure you’ve experienced that joyful, lighter feeling when you’ve helped someone or showed some extra courtesy.

Fortunately, you can do any or all these things during refreshing moments, even on a workday. You don’t have to carve out hours … even minutes help!

I’m here to help. Each month, I produce a simple document of 10 or more activities that you can use to prompt yourself to enjoy a few minutes focusing on one of the seven elements of refreshing yourself. I choose a monthly theme and you can print and cut the sheets to fit in a planner, purse, journal, or messenger bag. You’ll be coloring, or noting something you’re sensing, or doing something kind–the ideas and prompters vary each month.

These sheets aren’t super fancy, but they are fun, thought-provoking and simple – designed to help you relax and enjoy yourself for a few moments during a coffee break, lunch break, even a restroom break! (Want a sample? Click here.)

I launched Refresh in January 2019 and have recently converted it to a Patreon page to make it accessible to anyone. It’s supported by monthly pledges at an amount YOU choose (minimum $1 per month.) Each month, I post the link to that month’s Refresh bundle up as a post and you’ll be notified by Patreon, and you are also allowed to share it with one close friend OR family member per month.  More elements may be added in the future depending up Patron growth.

Learn more here! I hope you’ll become a Patron too, and enjoy taking breaks that work!

 

Image by StartupStockPhotos from Pixabay

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The Curse of Responsiveness

For years I have prided myself on being responsive, answering many messages within 24-48 hours if not sooner.  People would say I am typically very available.

But much of the world isn’t good at this. It’s more common not to receive timely responses than to receive them.  Frustrating.

But being responsive can be a curse too. Are you …

Training People to HAVE Unrealistic Expectations of YOU?

Be highly responsive, and others may come to expect it. They will notice when you are NOT, and may become disappointed, assume the wrong thing, or check to see if something is wrong, which may feel intrusive.

Training Yourself to Have Unrealistic Expectations of Others?

Highly responsive people can become prideful and feel rather superior to those who are not (even though they might not admit it out loud.)

Finding it hard to Re-train Yourself?

If you’ve become your own worst over-responsive enemy, your fear of disappointing others or of becoming overwhelmed may make it hard to give yourself grace, develop a new rhythm, and educate people about your new approach.

I can relate. Let’s talk about it with a free strategy session, or if you are ready for more, a Strategic Solutions Session.

Image by Mudassar Iqbal from Pixabay

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Freebies for May and a Slightly Different Approach

It’s that time again…freebie time!

This month, I have 31 tips/hints/thoughts for you for the month of May. It’s an easy sheet to download and I hope it will be helpful!

The Refresh theme for May is self-care … you can retrieve your sampler, or why not join and have me email the full packet to you directly each month?

Be sure to check out the Freebies, Features and Fun page for all the freebies, some tips, and some fun holidays you can enjoy in May.

Also, for the foreseeable future, I am trying a different approach to the blog. Email subscribers may have noticed that there wasn’t an email on Sunday evening like normal. That’s because I’m changing my frequency a bit. Instead of a weekly post, there will be two content posts and the freebie announcement each month. Breath of Hope members will automatically get these announcements via email when these posts go live (usually the 1st, 10th, and the 20th of the month if all goes as planned.)

This streamlining and consolidation will give me some space to work on other types of content including my social media channels. Click here to get in contact with me and/or select the social media channels where you’d like to engage!

Thanks for reading!

Beth

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Why It’s Important NOT to Capture Every Special Moment

It was a Monday morning after a snowy/icy weekend. (Well, snowy for us, anyway.) We get the occasional snow storm in the upstate of SC. Since we live “south of 85” we tend to get less than those living north of the interstate. But even so, we had some, and I enjoyed looking out the window that morning…especially since there were deer in view.

It’s not unusual to see deer on our property, but I never tire of it, and it’s not a regular occurrence to see them well from the house during the day.

I ran to get my camera. And in those moments, the deer became less visible because they headed farther into the woods.

I watched for a while longer, and got to see a large deer get up from being bedded down. Wow. It originally appeared like a pile of leaves! That was cool!

I never got a good shot with the camera, so all I shared on my IG stories was the importance of NOT always capturing photos for social media. (Ironic, I know.)

It makes me wonder, though, how important it really is to capture so many things on camera?

Many businesses make use of Instagram and Instagram stories to promote their work. I can understand that. I haven’t personally seen my business grow a lot from this type of sharing though.

It’s probably different for businesses that sell more tangible products than I do. Each business owner has to decide for themselves what the return on investment is for taking photos for social media, and it could change over time.

But whether for business or personal reasons, as we go through our days, are we more concerned about documenting a moment than experiencing it? Are we trying to impress others with how well our business is doing, instead of just spending time doing the work?

It’s a delicate balance…worth considering from time to time. Otherwise, we may miss enjoying the deer in the woods around us while we run to find the camera.

While I wish I could say the photo is mine, image by Alexandr Ivanov from Pixabay

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Five Finger Reminders for a Healthy Day (Even at Work)

Healthy habits are important to build our stamina and increase our productivity. Inspired by my friend and Wellness Practitioner Audrey Christie, the Wholebeing RN,  (from whom I received some of these ideas) here are some “Five Finger” reminders for a healthy day. Many of these you can do at work!

Using one word per finger, you can remind yourself of easy, healthy practices that will help you enjoy your day.

 

Be still. Pray. Meditate. Focus.

Read something inspirational and uplifting.

Write in a gratitude journal.

Eat only when you’re hungry.

Stop eating when you’re satisfied.

Eat something that grows naturally.

Interact with animals or children.

Spend a few moments outdoors.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe some more.

Drink a little more water.

Take a long way around.

Pay attention, listen, be present.

Move and stretch every hour.

Do a kind thing. Repeat.

Challenge your mind and mindset.

Take some time to rest.

Plan intentionally for productive sleep.

What would you add to this list? 

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April Freebies, Features and Fun: Discussion Cards and Productivity

2019 is certainly flying by, isn’t it? The first quarter of the year is done, and Spring is occurring in many locales. What form of growth are you looking forward to in the second quarter?  How about making adding some new life into your relationships at work?

This month’s freebie is a downloadable set of discussion cards. Print and cut and use them as icebreakers for staff meetings or group lunches. The questions are light and fun and can help co-workers get to know each other a little better. (Of course, you can use them for other social groups too!)  I used them at a dinner gathering with a group of women and we enjoyed opening up a bit about ourselves!  Click here for the April Freebies, Features and Fun page.  If you missed any past freebies, click here.

The Refresh bundle this month is on the topic of productivity. There’s a one-page freebie, but why not become a member for $5 a month and have the full bundle emailed directly from me to you on the first Monday of the month? Then you’ll have 10+ simple activities to enjoy during your reflection times (I hope you have at least a few of those a month–if not, the Refresh bundle is a perfect way to motivate yourself to do so!)

Happy spring and blessed Easter as well!

Beth

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How to Handle Bad Drivers on Your Commute

Ever feel stressed on your commute to/from work – because of the other drivers on the road?  From drivers who refuse to use their blinker to passengers that like to play backseat driver, you’ll recognize each of these personalities. Here are some tips, compliments of CarRentals.com,  for how to deal with them and drive safely (and maybe even get to/from work in a little better frame of mind.)

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Stressful Situation: How Different Behavioral Types would Respond

Hope stared at the computer screen.  She’d received ba news from IT that an app the entire team relied on was not functioning, and would probably not be for at least 24 hours.

Von, holding his characteristic large mug of coffee (no creamer, no sugar) strolled by Hope’s desk and noticed her blank expression.

“What’s up, Hope?”

Hope glanced up, enjoying the smell of the coffee briefly before saying, “The XYZ App is down, probably for at least 24 hours.”

“That’s not good,” Von sympathized.

“No, it’s not. I just let the team know.”

“I can just imagine the reactions,” Von said with a grin. “Let me guess.”



Hope smiled. She and Von had been through DISC training, so they could better relate with their colleagues.  Each person in the office tended to respond and behave in certain ways based on the stimulus of the moment. Hope and Von found it much easier to adapt their responses because of a better understanding of where people were coming from.

Von continued:

I bet Matt said something like,

This is NOT good news. It’s vital for this technology to work, especially during the busiest season of the year!

And Cindy said,

Here’s what I found out when I called the technician.

Hope laughed. “So far so good.”

Heather was the cheerleader, right?

It’ll be all right. We’ve worked through problems before. Chin up.

“For sure!”

And Brian said, “How can I help? What can I do?”

“Bingo!” Hope responded. “It’s really amazing how our team has different reactions when something like this happens.

Von added. “It’s discouraging news regardless, but at least you know none of these people are wrong in their reaction and how to adapt to each one.”



“Yes,” I’m still trying to figure that out.”

“Let’s think about this,” Von said.

“For Matt, he is quick to react, but he also does take the lead well. He just isn’t as careful about how he will come across.  He will want very basic info and to know someone is working on it.”

Hope said, “I was thinking something like,

Matt, I agree! I have the top IT folks working on it and will give you an update every three hours until it is resolved.”

For Cindy, I’m just going to thank her for the information.

“Sounds good,” Von replied.  “Since Brian asked how he could help, maybe you could give him some type of task to do? “

“Yes,” Hope said. “He could notify the other departments about what is going on and collect any questions for me so I don’t keep getting interrupted.”



“And, you can send Heather out to buy pizza for everyone.”



Hope laughed. “That’s a great idea.”

“Teamwork,” Von said.  “This’ll be a lot better than everyone arguing and complaining!”



“Yes indeed,” Hope replied. “It sure is a help to understand the differences in how people respond and behave. It kept me from just blowing up and storming out of the office today.”

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