Anita Dawes's Blog: http://jenanita01.wordpress.com, page 2

Perfectly Good Intentions..

I started the week full of good intentions. It was a new week - new mood - new energy.
There was none of that - 'It's a beautiful day, watch someone ruin it.' But someone did.

BT did. Someone had tried to hack into my e-mail account over the weekend and had promptly been frozen out, me included!  To make matters worse, I had temporarily forgotten the answer to my security question, so couldn't change said password either.

Thoroughly frustrated, I finally managed to speak to someone in India who said she would e-mail me a new password.  Words cannot sufficiently explain what happened to my temper after trying several times to get her to see why this would not work, and I was passed on to someone else. This young woman was so helpful and immediately understood my problem, that my temper had no choice but to high tail it out of the back door!

So, not a good start, you might say. But this was only Monday, onwards and upwards OK?I should be thinking about what I want to do next. Anita has a book ready for proofing, and I need to work on the print copy for The Broken Life, but just getting over the flu and not feeling geared up yet.What I cannot understand is why most days are good and optimistic, then you get those other kind. The 'what the hell do you think you are doing' days. Closely followed by (give it up, you know you are too old to bother with it).

I am basing my understanding of this writing business on what I have observed with my sister Anita. She has seven good books to her credit and just seems to get on with it (and enjoys the process!)
I know we are all different, and that's how it should be, it's just not very helpful.

I think it is my age that seems to be the problem. I find myself wondering where all the time has gone and know that I have wasted most of it. Why didn't I want to do this when my brain was younger?
Don't get me wrong, on a good day I know that my brain is as good as if not better than most people's. It's just that my good days are getting pretty thin on the ground these days.

So I shouldn't be wasting any of them, right?

Problems pale into insignificance...

Problems do seem pale into insignificance when seen from another viewpoint, don't they?

I awoke this morning with the usual Monday feeling. Then I happened to watch some of the breakfast news on TV, not something I do very often as it usually depresses me. Today turned out to be worse than usual. It was far too early in the day for such worldwide confusion and I really wish I had read my book instead.

The human race seems to be doing its utmost to ruin everything it touches and I don't understand it. It's as if we don't care and I am sure that most of us do. None of the people who are in charge (politicians and world leaders alike) seem to think logically anymore (if they ever did!)
People have said that we are 'going to hell in a handcart' but they are wrong. The vehicle we are travelling in has a supercharged engine and will get us there in no time at all!

Seen from space, our world is a really beautiful place. A stark contrast to the scenes of anger and poverty that most of us see every day.We should be taking better care of our planet, as we wouldn't dream of wrecking our own des res, now would we?
Enough of all that. I said that I shouldn't watch the news, so now you know what happens when I do.

I have been working hard editing the last book in my mystery crime thriller trilogy all week and one of my characters has started to dictate what they thought should have happened! Not sure if I approve, being a control freak, but the experts tell me that it can work very well.
Seeing as most of what I have been doing is not turning out to be much good, I don't really have a choice. So If my lead character can do a better job, I can live with that.

It did occur to me the other day that he would be brilliant as a guest on this blog, maybe he would oblige…

Chasing the Dream...

I have had a pretty frustrating week. It was mainly a week of 'if only's, and why the hell didn't you'?
 
You know what I mean, all those things you should have done or learnt instead of carrying on as if you had no ambition to speak of and all the time in the world anyway. Now don't go thinking that I have been living it up without a care in the world, my life has been full of all the usual complications and things I thought I might have achieved but never got around to. But somehow life has a habit of making you lose track of the time and if you're not careful you lose other things too.
Like all those dreams you once had, when you had the energy and enthusiasm to go with them.

I have been bitterly chastising myself lately for avoiding the computer age when I was still young enough to have learnt how to use one properly. I have always had a problem with technology, my brain seems to freeze at the merest thought of it. It was only when I kept reading about all these writers who were really getting somewhere with e-books that I decided that I would try to do it too.

I figured, as I usually do, that other people were doing it, so how hard could it be?  I wasn't really stupid, I could learn how to do it, couldn't I?

To cut a very long, frustrating, blood sweat and tears story short, I have managed (don't ask me how) to learn an awful lot. Our e-books are on Amazon, Smashwords and Goodreads. I have mastered the art of creating Print-on-demand and we have several books in paperback format.

I am still trying to get to grips with Facebook, but I fear I may have to give up on it, as my brain refuses to work whenever I go near it.

This website/blog has been running for nearly two years now and people (bless them all!) have been visiting it. Funnily enough, although I still hate my PC with a passion, it is remarkable how clever I feel whenever I manage to achieve something new!

So, to quote a famous TV celebrity, 'I have started, so I will finish!' And I will. I will achieve some (small?) success for both Anita and myself in the publishing world, or die trying!!!!!

Watch this space...

The Sad Swan…

 a sad post from the archives...



The last time I went for a walk around our local pond/lake, I didn’t blog about it as I have been known to do in the past. This time it was just too sad…
At this time of year, we usually have nesting swans, and earlier this year a pair of swans had built a huge nest and started to lay their eggs. When I was there, I counted five eggs in the nest and made a note on the calendar to remind me when to come back to see the hatchlings.
This date was last Wednesday, and I looked forward to my visit. But the minute I arrived, I knew something was wrong. It was a grey day, no sunshine and it felt chilly, but that wasn’t it. I could sense something, something that felt wrong. No idea why, for everything looked normal, but as I approached the nest, I encountered a rather large plastic barrier at the edge of the pond. Probably put there to stop people (and dogs) from getting too close, for the nest was rather close to the land.
Then I looked at the nest. The swan in residence looked old and tired and was still sitting on the eggs. Normally she would be fussing with the nest and preening her feathers, but she was huddled over the eggs as if she was cold. More to the point, she was alone. Where was her partner?I knew that under no normal circumstance would they be apart. In previous years they had been good parents, sharing the care and feeding each other so as not to let the eggs get cold. I scanned the pond, but there was no sign of him (or her, as I can’t tell them apart) what on earth could have happened?If I had been wearing boots, my heart would have been in one of them, and instead of enjoying the rest of my walk, I went home.

For days, the image of that sad and lonely swan haunted me, and I worried constantly about how she would feed herself. With the cold weather we had been having lately, it was important to keep the eggs warm.Maybe that was why they hadn’t hatched yet. Maybe they wouldn’t. It was so very sad to contemplate.
I have been back again this week, but nothing had changed. Other hatchlings were swimming around, the usual moorhens and mallards, but looking at them made me sadder than ever.I wondered about contacting the local authority, but they must be aware of what was happening, hence the newly erected barrier. Maybe something had happened to warrant this, and I tried not to think of what it could be.I will have to go back again next week, but if the eggs still haven’t hatched, they probably never will…

What Do You Wish You Could Do?

Growing up, I was told repeatedly that my father played the piano like a professional, describing the joy he felt and how he transmitted his joy to anyone who heard him.
I have the abiding image of him in his army uniform, huge boots beating the floor in time with the music. Unfortunately, I never met him, as he was lost in the war when I was a baby, but I wish so much that I had.I have been told that I am just like him. He was tall and liked to build and mend things, always good with his hands with unending patience. Sounds just like me!
The one thing I didn’t get was his talent on the piano. I know it is inside me somewhere, for I can feel it and sometimes the feeling is so strong, I think I could sit down at a piano and miraculously start playing. But with the best will in the world, I can’t, and is one of the strongest regrets in my life.Music has always been my passion and my inspiration, and some of my favourite pieces are piano concertos. I still wish I could learn how to play, even now, at 72 years old.
I did try to learn when I was younger. I learned how to read music and could play simple tunes with my right hand. But my brain drew the line at both hands on the keys, refusing to let my right hand play the different notes. I am one of those people they say couldn’t walk and chew gum, and I suppose I am. That party game where you try to pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time is impossible for me. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Just try it and see how hard it is.
I have encountered many things I wanted to learn, and had to walk away from, much to my disappointment. My ego has been subjected to so much frustration during my life, and even though I eventually have to give up on things, the desire remains.
   I have always insisted that you should be able to learn anything, given the right instruction and determination. However, I have discovered it isn’t possible, no matter how much you try, and have had to admit defeat on so many occasions.I am sorry that I never met my father, but sadder still that I cannot play the piano as he did.I am sorry dad, I did try…

Is This The End of the Road?

  I have been having an increasingly difficult time coming up with writing ideas for blog posts and current works in progress, and I’m not happy about it.This has never been a problem before, and could be due to an assortment of things, but I am becoming more and more concerned, for it seems to be reflected in other areas of my life. I think I can feel the enthusiasm waning, at least that’s what it feels like.
We have been blogging for nearly four years now, and clocked up an amazing list of posts, quite apart from the posts about our books. I have never been at a loss for things to write about and life has been kind enough to supply bags of interest too.
It is possible that the fault lies in my head, something I have strenuously denied up to now. But seeing as how I have just tried to remember what I was in the middle of doing just a few minutes ago, I have to admit I may have a problem.Despite leaving copious amounts of post-it notes everywhere, creating a virtual forest of pastel leaves all over my desk, my brain seems to be on strike or something, not exactly sure what.When all this first started happening, it was amusing, but the novelty has worn off.  What makes it worse is that I can remember things from last year with no trouble at all, and my long-term memory seems fine.
In the beginning, I blamed everything. The stress of all the marketing and promotion; problems with the current WIP, and family and health problems. (and there have been far too many of those!)It is becoming increasingly obvious that my dwindling collection of grey cells are just not functioning properly anymore. Maybe this is normal at my age?I don’t want to believe this, for I love my life and everything I do, and don’t want the wheels in my head to grind to a halt. I never thought my brain would ever let me down.
But before I shuffle off this mortal coil, there are still some things I haven’t quite pulled off yet, and it occurs to me that maybe I can’t do it all.  Shock Horror! Maybe it is time to get professional help, even if I have to part with some money. It is the only option I can think of, for I’m not quite ready to return to return to my knitting!
This will be a new experience for me, as being stubborn; I have fervently resisted any suggestion that I can’t cut the mustard. In the past, I have eventually managed most things and there is not a lot in my failure pile. Perseverance usually gets me where I want to go.  Whether I am any good at asking for help, remains to be seen, but it’s worth a try.Better than the alternative, anyway…

Losing My Edge?

I have begun to realise something monumental, lately.
Something that could be significant, although how, I’m not sure.
Not sure how to explain it either, but I’ll try.
For quite a while now, I have been unable to do much of anything after 9pm. The brain just refused, and I put it down to tiredness and thought nothing of it.
But just lately, this has been getting earlier and earlier, and the funny thing is, I don’t feel particularly tired. It feels as though someone throws a switch, leaving me incapable of rational thought. Any kind of thought, come to think of it!
After 6pm these days, I can still function, watch TV or read a book, but don’t ask me about any of it. I am beginning to feel like an evening robot.
I’m not unduly worried. There is no pain or confusion, and the brain works perfectly well all day. I say perfectly well, but do still have the odd weird thing going on, like trying to put the milk in the bin. And I repeatedly forget why I went upstairs, only to remember when I come back down again.
Am I wearing my brain out these days, a natural thing, or is there something more serious going on? No one in our family has ever developed dementia or Alzheimer’s, so I have no clear idea of what to look for. I don’t feel ill or anything, and it doesn’t bother me that after 6pm I can’t think straight.
I am 72 years old, so it is conceivable that something could have decided to malfunction. It happens to everything else around me.  The PC, keyboard, toaster, TV and just yesterday the microwave. So why not me too?
And no, I will not be bothering my doctor with it. Not a lot he can do about it anyway, right?

Five Things We Should Know By Now...

These are some of things I have been reliably informed, are essential if we want to make a success of our writing. In retrospect, there is possibly too much information out there and all of it supposedly the right way to write, that it can be downright confusing.

And to think, all this time I assumed it was a simple as picking up a pen!
1. There is no such thing as the 'perfect' book.This came as quite a surprise to me, because I'm sure I have read quite a few that are, at least in my opinion. But according to some of these experts, I shouldn't be striving to produce the perfect book. (I shouldn't?)All this time I have been trying to write well, constantly comparing my feeble efforts with that of my idols, something I have been told in the past was a good idea. But what I should be doing, apparently, is simply the best I can. (who would have thought of that?)
2. No matter what you do, it takes time.I have discovered that writing is all about improvement. 
Every time you pick up a pen or switch on your computer you will have improved since the last time you did. That's how the brain is supposed to work when we let it, you know, practice makes perfect? The trick is not to argue with it, which is something I still do sometimes. It has been hard to trust in something, which lets face it, has let me down big time in the past; but by using what I have learnt, I think I may have found the right work ethic with my writing. And the experts were right; it did take an awful long time.


 3. How do you make readers care?This one still stumps me, either they will care or they won't, how can you make them? And if you do find a way to do it, how is it real? Then I read that you should try to treat writing like any other job. One that doesn't make you feel good every day. One that frustrates the hell out of you, but one you have to commit to, for better or worse.That makes it sound like a marriage, doesn't it? But maybe it is a partnership of sorts. In a marriage, you usually get out what you put in; in other words, if you care so will your partner, so I do get their point.But trying to get anyone to care has never come easily to me. In my youth I was convinced that I was unlovable; indeed, I have several failed relationships behind me, nothing to be proud of, ever. Now I am older, I find I can communicate better, so that might be the answer. Personally, I think becoming a silver surfer was the solution. Through the Internet, I have met so many interesting and lovely people all over the world, far more than you could meet in a lifetime without a PC.The Internet also removes the awkward shyness that most people have, meeting people for the first time, for which I will be eternally grateful.

4. How to make friends and influence people.I try to make our posts interesting; although I am still not sure I'm doing the whole blog thing properly. Being self taught can be a problem, I think. You can never be sure if you have absorbed all the information needed, or missed a valuable point that would make all the difference in the world. Let's face it, some of the stuff we have to learn would try the patience of Job and I didn't have much of that in the first place!
We are supposed to be trying to attract the kind of people who would be interested in us as writers, who might like to read our books; and although we are getting more interest these days, not many people comment which leads me to believe that maybe something vital is lacking.

5. Whatever happens, don't give up.Sometimes it seems an impossible task, all this marketing and promoting. As if writing wasn't hard enough. You don't have to self publish, I hear you say, but we have tried the conventional route. To say we are stubborn is probably an understatement, but we are great believers in 'how hard can it be?' and despite finding out that self publishing is, indeed very hard, we have no intention of giving up just yet. We are having too much fun and meeting so many lovely people!


Signing off now...
Jaye

PROGRESS REPORT x two

We have recently run our third FREE Kindle Promotion on another one of Anita’s books, and again it was nothing much to write home about.
Just about had it now with KDP. We gave it a try, again, but we think we might be going back to Smashwords and all that goes with it as soon as possible. And we’re not the only ones! Read Suzanne Rogerson’s post on the subject HERE.
Not that we did any better on there either, but we did get loads of free downloads. Which we thought was the way to get us known!
It could just be about being restricted to one outlet. We just don’t like it.We are also revamping some of our covers. Basically, all the ones we don’t like any more. For they say that if you’re not getting anywhere, change a few things.
I have also just finished the last book in my murder mystery series, and once the editing is done, I will be running a promotion for them all. Either one at a time, or all together, not sure which would be better.
While book three is resting (this is to get it out of your head prior to the edit) I am reading through book two again, as I want to make a significant change to the ending. I am using the Hemingway system to check for any howlers that might have made it past my beta reader.


Hemingway is a very clever piece of kit. It highlights all your bad habits in different colours. See screenshot.I was amazed the first time I used it. I had cut and pasted three chapters of book two into it, and the screen lit up like a Christmas tree. All my hard to read sentences, passive sentences, complicated words and those horrible adverbs, all highlighted for my perusal and subsequent removal or alteration. Well worth the money, as I seem to be getting either lazy or stupid in my old age!
I am actually using a spare paperback copy of book two for the read through, and it is making the job so much better than using a print out.  Easier to hold, for a start. I will definitely be doing this again, with the next book!

Autumn has arrived…

The weather has turned and not for the better. It is freezing and wet outside. Dark, miserable skies that match my mood, and I sense a non-active day descending and I am in no mood to fight. I check my emails and notes, but my heart just isn’t in it. Nothing for it, I would have to take the day off and crawl into a book.
The next day the weather couldn’t be more different, but unfortunately my mood hadn’t changed. Normally the sight of a blue sky will do wonders for my get-up-and-go, but I fear it has left me, hopefully not for good.
I get these black moods occasionally, and it takes some fighting to leave one behind, so I concentrated on routine tasks as the brain was refusing to even look at anything else. The general thought was, if I ignore it, maybe it will go away. But despite all my attempts at positive thinking, it clung to me like the smell of onions, long after the meal.
The following day it was still hanging around and I had had enough. It put up a struggle no matter what I tried to do, ignoring it hadn’t worked, so I decided to down tools and go for a walk and convince it I didn’t care if it hung around or not. Sometimes this works, but it looked like rain, so it was more than probable it would all go pear shaped and I would be no better off.Several hours later, after a lot of walking, a cheeseburger at my favourite place, and more than a little rain, I went home, reasonably cheerful and very wet.
Today, there was no sign the mood and I was pleased to say the least. I am not happy being miserable, it tends to get in the way of anything productive and I hate that it can do that to me.
There has been a lot of talk lately about depression and how we handle it. I can understand being depressed when things go wrong; when life gets too hard, but why at other times?
Sometimes I am convinced that depression has to be an actual entity of some kind, intent on making us unhappy for reasons of its own and if anyone can come up with a cure for it, they should make them a saint!