Meredith McClaren's Blog, page 64

TW: Blood, death, horrorHappy Halloween! Here’s a little...

TW: Blood, death, horror

Happy Halloween!  Here’s a little spooky.

Description: The first page of a two page comic.  It is five panels showing a cruise ship.  A woman is at the patio.  She’s unhappy with her wine and letting the rest of it fall into the ocean.  Something then catches her eyes.

In the second page, two panels show the boat from different angles.  As the woman looks down, we can see bloody hand prints smearing off the side of the boat and into the water.

At New Mexico Comic & Film Expo this weekend!Description: A...

At New Mexico Comic & Film Expo this weekend!

Description: A photo of a convention hall.  An illustration of myself runs through while looking at my phone.  I am wearing a Team Rocket shirt, black leggings, and white boots.

Description: A photo of a tractor in dimming light. Leaning...

Description: A photo of a tractor in dimming light.  Leaning against the machine is an illustration of myself, wearing a brown jacket and skeleton leggings.

a-place-to-be-panace:blazinredrabbit:orchres:Increasi...

a-place-to-be-panace:

blazinredrabbit:

orchres:

Increasingly seeing posts by queer children and teens about how they’ve gotten kicked out for coming out to their parents and you can’t convince me there’s no coincidence btwn that and this very white American cisgay narrative of “coming out” and how it’s the one thing that really proves you’re LGBT but like babes….. we don’t owe anyone that. Your identity is your business. Your safety is your primary concerns, especially as a minor and an 18/19 year old, is needing time in a stable(ish) living situation and to get a bit of financial freedom and also prepare adequately emotionally to deal with the consequences of outing yourself to your parents and/guardians. We live in a society. the outcome is overwhelmingly going to be negative and I hate that this idea is pushed soooo hard in tv shows and books geared towards child and teen LGBTs

This probably isn’t necessary to tack on but…

I BEG that if you really really want to tell your parents/family that you’re a part of the LGBT community, don’t come out to them unless you’ve confirmed two things:

1) They have shown and told you that they are accepting of queer people and it’s not performative.

2) They have told you, specifically, that if you were part of the community they’d be okay with it. (Because supportive ‘ally’ parents can still flip shit if it’s their child).

I did not come out to my parents until I was 19. I only told my mom, who assured me the two things above, and I begged her not to tell my dad until I was 22 and I could actually move out if needed since he has been openly homophobic. (I didn’t even want to tell it to him. I wanted her to do it, because I was scared of getting hit).

It’s perfectly acceptable to never tell them (even if they’ve shown their support), or to wait to tell them when you have a safety net in place in case shit hits the fan. Please stay safe. You don’t owe anyone anything.

I feel the need to share my own story, just to really drive this point home.

I grew up in a homophobic, painfully religious household, and I was homeschooled K-12. So you can imagine how little of an escape I had, and how little chance I had to learn about things not controlled by my mother.

I didn’t figure out gay people even existed until I was 13, and it took another two years for me to find out there was anything other than gay and straight (aka the BTQ+ part of the acronym).

I figured out my own sexuality at 19.

I didn’t come out to anyone for two years. Anyone. At all. I had this blog, which has never had anything that could tie me to my irl self because I was petrified of being outed, especially to my mother. Eventually after two years I came out to my best friend via tearful text word vomit essay, thankfully to open arms and full support and acceptance, as well as complete understanding as to why I hadn’t come out yet and full support of helping me stay closeted.

I played that role for another two and a half years.

When I finally did come out to my mom, I was away at college, and I did it through an email (very modern-day Fun Home of me, I know). I had spent the last seven or so years slowly, subtly, trying to get my mom to be less homophobic. We had got from immediate vilification “gay is a sin” to uncomfortable silence, and I wasn’t sure it would ever get any better.

So, before I sent anything, I told my friends what I was doing. Two friends were ready to take me in if I got kicked out, and a third was ready to help drive me to wherever if I needed a ride. I spent a week drafting the email, and cried the entire night I sent it because I was so scared.

In my case, I got lucky, and it ended up working out. But remember, it took four years of work after I came out to myself, and an additional ¾ years when I just thought I was an ally before it was even a little safe for me to come out. And it took an additional three months to tell my extended family.

Coming out is never mandatory. Ever. Even if you know it’s safe. Even if you know you could do it and get only positive responses. And especially if that’s not the case.

No one is owed your truth. And more important than anything is your safety. You are valid in your truth even when no one but you knows about it. And the rest of us want you to be safe until you can get out and be independent, because we want you in this world with us. You will always be part of the community, even if you can’t post. Even if you can’t go to meet ups or pride. Even if you can’t fully engage with us online because someone is always watching. One day you’ll be free of that, and we’ll be here to celebrate with you when that time comes, because visibility does not determine your place in the community. Your place is immutable. You belong here. So stay safe until you can come join us at the table, okay? Your chair will be waiting for you.

Description BelowPAGE01Panel1: A repeat of Page 3 Panel 2...

Description Below

PAGE01

Panel1:  A repeat of Page 3 Panel 2 from mycomic reviewing Tolmachoff farms.  A morerecent rendition of myself stands in front of the panel, warily eyeing the textthat reads ‘But if you’re an adult looking for a good scare, you might need tovisit the more terrifying Fear Farm. (Which I have yet to decide whether I am or am not brave enough toattempt.)’

Panel2:  A similar panel, but the camera hasclosed in on ‘Fear Farm.’  I look at theaudience with concern.

Panel3:  I look uneasily off camera.

ME: I guess…

ME: I gotta now…

PAGE02

Panel1:  I talk with my mother.

CAPTION:  I have never done a true Haunted Houseattraction before.

ME: I’m doing Fear Farm.

MOM: Will you be wearing Depends?

Panel2:  I sit in the back of a car.

CAPTION:  Fear Farm sports FOUR themed houses and afreaky little corn maze.

ME:  Maybe I SHOULD be wearing Depends.

Panel3:  I stand beside my helpful friends,Deb and Paul.

CAPTION:  I maintain that if I’m going to have thepants scared off me, I should at least offer my friends the opportunity towitness it firsthand.  So I was joined bymy buddies, Deb and Paul.

DEB AND PAUL:  SPOOPY!

PAGE03

Panel1:  I look at the row ofPort-o-Potties.  There is a derangedprisoner standing outside the doors.

ME: It’s nice that they put frighteners right outside the porta potties.

Panel2:  I stand in the clearing.  Someone with a chainsaw stands behindme.  I am shaking.

ME:  As I said, there’s FOUR haunted houseattractions, that are a mix of interior and exterior spaces.  The houses are Nuketown, Sinister Circus,Dead in the Water, and Dead End Slaughterhouse and are all themed accordingly.

ME:  There is also the final attraction is ahaunted corn maze named The Reaping. This one will cost you about ten dollars extra on top of generaladmissions.

ME:  All of it is connected by The Midway space,where you can buy food.  And be chased bypeople wielding chainsaws.

PAGE04

Panel1:  I sit at my computer.  It is an earlier scene.

CAPTION:  I had to reassure myself an hour beforeattending.

ME: Okay, but can they touch me?

CAPTION:  They cannot.

Panel2:  I address the audience.

ME:  And of course, if it gets to be too much, allyou need to do is tell an actor you need out. They’ll escort you to the nearest exit.

Panel3: I am shaking in line.  Smiling.  But shaking.

CAPTION:  I wasn’t entirely convinced I could manage toget all the way through ONE attraction. Much less FIVE.

ME:  Gonna die, gonna die, gonna die, gonna die.

Panel4:  A line up of me and my friends.  Deb and Paul are fine.  I am not.

CAPTION:  This is what I’ve learned about ourrespective fear responses.

ARROW TO PAUL:  Completely indifferent.

ARROW TO DEB:  Enthusiasm.

ARROW TO ME:  Freeze.

 

PAGE05

Panel1:  I am in front of the group inNukeTown.

CAPTION:  So, of course.

ME: Why am I in front?

Panel2:  I am in front of the group inSinister Circus.

ME: Why am I STILL in front?

Panel3:  I am in front of the group at Dead inthe Water.

ME: WHY am I STILL in front?

 

PAGE06

Panel1:  We stand in a dusty living roomset.  You cannot see what we see.  I am trying to drag Deb and Paul away.

CAPTION:  Deb and Paul agreed that ONE scene made themuneasy.

ME: Let’s go let’s go let’s go.

DEB AND PAUL:  NOPE.

Panel2:  We stand in a cornfield.  You still cannot see what we see, but we arereacting strongly to it.

CAPTION:  We ALL agreed which part was the scariest.

PAUL:  Oh, hell no.

Panel3:  The maze.  Paul is leading, and Deb is holding myhand.  I am looking EVERYWHERE.

CAPTION:  The corn maze is actually kind of a palettecleanser after the shock driven houses. Instead of relying on jump scares, they lean into the casual dread ofwondering if something waiting for you in the darkened path.

 

PAGE07

Panel1:  I leave the park shaking.

ME:  Don’t come if you’ve got health issues.  Don’t come if you’re pregnant. And be careful if strobing lights give youseizures (a few houses use it).

ME:  They make you sign a waiver just to protectthemselves from any liability.

Panel2:  I look at three kids leaving in frontof me.  They are unaffected byeverything.

KIDS:  Wish we could have done DEAD IN THE WATERtwice.

KIDS:  They definitely had the best props.

Panel3:  I grimace.  The implication clear that I have just barelysurvived what little kids were easily enjoying.

Panel4:  Blank

CAPTION:     FEARFARM

6801 N 99th Ave, Glendale, AZ85305

Cost: $28-33 (Before Add-Ons)

Mon-Thurs 7pm-10 pm

Fri 7pm-12am

Saturday 6:30pm-12 am

Sunday7pm-12am

Description: A photo from the Neon Museum sign collection. An...

Description: A photo from the Neon Museum sign collection.  An illustration of myself stands beside the ‘STARDUST’ sign.  I am wearing a yellow velvet dress and black boots.

Team Rocket belongs to Pokemon . Artwork by Meredith...

Team Rocket belongs to Pokemon . Artwork by Meredith McClaren

Description:  An illustration of the Team Rocket hot air balloon.  The camera is looking down into the basket, where Jessie is doing her nails, James is doing a face mask, and Meowth is napping.  It’s a quiet scene.

Please don’t leave me unattended in this store.Description...

Please don’t leave me unattended in this store.

Description Below

Page 01

Panel1:  Curious Nature Title card

Panel2:  My room.

ME: I’m not much of a decorator.

An arrow points to all my stuff, showing that it’s secondhand.

Panel3:  The storefront for Curious Nature, the local curio shop.

ME:  But if I was, 90% of my aesthetic would comefrom Phoenix’s local oddities emporium CURIOUS NATURE.

Page 2

Panel1:  A shot of Curious Nature’s interior

ME:  It’s small, but it’s PACKED with bone,taxidermy, bug, and occult collections.

Panel2:  Me and an Emu egg.  I hold it reverently.

CAPTION: I am a sucker for all of it.

ME: I can justify owning an emu egg, right?

CAPTION:  It’s not easy to come by museumquality specimens in Phoenix, Arizona. But if you make a trip to Curious Nature, you’ll find something you’lllike. 

Panel4:  A picture of the wall containing, museum quality displayed bugs.

CAPTION: And it’s always changing, so there’s always more.

Panel5:  The address for Curious Nature.

5032 N Central Ave, Phoenix, Az. 85012

Description: A photo of some farm equipment. An illustration of...

Description: A photo of some farm equipment.  An illustration of myself stands in front, wearing a blue sparkly puff jacket.  It’s getting a *little* chilly in the desert.

Description: A photo of a large hammock, shaped like a giant...

Description: A photo of a large hammock, shaped like a giant spiderweb.  I sleep in the center.