Random Jordan's Blog, page 7

My Open Letters – The First

So the past few weeks I’ve actually be writing letters as a way to provide therapy to myself and actually process things in my life. Essentially these letters are a bit like what I used to do with pacing around a room and talking to myself. Which sounds worse than it actually is because we have some kind of social stigma around talking to yourself. It lets me talk things out without actually having to talk to anyone, which means I’m more open and honest.

This also means I have a series of significantly long letters, which I’ve written essentially to someone. Some of it reveals a bit about me, and my past. Names have been redacted for the most part. The following letter was originally written with the intent to sent it to the person it was written to, however the letters after that were written because I felt relieved after writing this first one.

———————————————————————————-

Dear ——-,

I think a lot of people often want to know when something in their past is real. Or more specifically, they know the things that they shared with other people are real when those people can recall them and talk about them. That’s why the thing everyone always says when they feel they’ve known someone, and shared their life with them, and that person betrays them or lies to them, is: Was any of it real?

It’s not because of the lies. It’s that suddenly they aren’t sure they know this person. They aren’t sure if anything they remember is actually true or real and they have to ask the one person who could know. Even though that person deceived them, it doesn’t matter. They just have to know if any of it was real, if it was just something they fabricated in their mind. Because deep down, we all know we are crazy. We all have those things in our lives that no one can say happened, except us.

I think that’s really why humans are such social creatures. We have to be social so we can determine what is based in reality, and what is fabricated in our thoughts and memories. There’s even been scientific proof of this, and it’s fascinating. Leaving people in solitary, they go crazy. In stories, there’s always that tale about the hermit, out in the wild or hidden away in some hut. They’re always portrayed as crazy.

Except one.

Garrett, from what is one of your treasured movies, not favorite, Quest for Camelot. It’s a rare character, in fact. It’s sad to think that the first real time you had exposed me to it I was pushed off somewhere between dreamland and reality. That whole night was a bit of a blur, but I can remember some of it.

Garrett was a hermit, one that lived off the land, had an animal companion, and was blind, but most certainly not crazy. But there’s a reason for it. All the crazy people never had animals. Garrett did. A faithful, loving, animal, that protected him and he protected in return. He’s a good hermit, a good person. And I can see why this movie is important to you. It’s not just a brilliant story (which is apparently adapted from a book), it has a lot of things that connect and ring with you. And I trampled over that. I didn’t give it the respect it deserved at the time.

It’s characters like Garrett that always make me step somewhere between the male and female. I can ring with that character, I can connect with him. I’d be happy with his life. Blind and all. And that’s probably why I’m focusing on him, despite him not actually being the whole story. Kayley has a lot of power too. And especially both of them together, because they have a strong romance. They don’t end the story with both of them getting married or anything like that, in fact it made fun of it. But it was still a relationship.

I couldn’t understand what you meant, about how things might have been different if we were friends longer. But looking at this movie, it makes a lot of sense. I know, I’ve probably psycho-analyzed you before, it’s a large reason I never became a psychology major, I’d just be impossible to deal with. But I’ve always been a firm believer that the fiction you grow up with largely molds who you are in life. It doesn’t have massive direct impacts on people until later in life when they take the smallest things they discover from a story and run with it. Instead you’ll see the subconscious stuff from the younger year fiction.

I know you didn’t love me. And I don’t feel bad about that. Because the love doesn’t matter. It has no impact other than what you give it. Some people give love a lot of power, and others not so much. I do know you cared about me. And looking at this movie, and what you said; that things might have been different if we were friends. It was your way of saying that I was the Garrett you were looking for, even before you knew you were looking for it. But, the story wasn’t going in the right direction.

I wish we could really say that if we had just stayed friends longer, or not defined the relationship that it would have gone different. But I can’t know, I can only guess on what I’d gone through before. And every other relationship… they’ve all tossed me aside. And I don’t blame them. If we had stayed friends, we both know it would have just turned into some terrible ‘chick-flick’ as you called them. With the friend pining and the receiver of the pining never paying attention while focusing on some other hot person. We know this would have happened, because in a way it was turning into that in the past few months.

Looking back, there’s a Tegan and Sara song that fits this, it’s actually called ‘I couldn’t be your friend’. It’s a good song, about the fact that sometimes, even when people just clicked and enjoyed a romance with each other, it doesn’t mean they can be friends. Maybe they were the best of friends when involved, but going from a romance to friendship is a radical change. The dynamics between a relationship switch, and there’s always still feelings, physical or otherwise that linger. We know, we tried it. It went well, if being friends normally entails ending up ‘in chair’ together.

It’s not a bad thing, either. I’m sure you’d agree. Except when it comes to maintaining a connection. We can’t meet in person without being absolutely cold/total strangers to each other or ending up in each other’s laps, and we can’t chat on the phone because that takes time, time that has to go to other people who have easier ways of you connecting with them. We can’t text for the same reason. It doesn’t leave much. Really, it leaves nothing. The very nature of where our ‘relationship’ has gone means the only thing we can talk about is the animal companion we have in common.

And that’s why I have to thank Garrett, and the hawk that stayed with him because, I’d like to think that if Garrett and Kayley ended up in the same situation as us, he’d spend his days in the forest and every once in a while, he’d send a letter to Kayley. Whether she sent one back or not didn’t matter. It was leaving a line of communication open. It’s a hard line to keep open, since it could end up relying solely on one person actually having the energy to do it. But even without a reply, I can see why it would be useful. It would be powerful. Writing this, for some reason, makes me feel like I’m still talking to you, still interacting with you. Even if I never send it, even if I never hear from you, even if worst of all, you tell me to not send you these letters.

This is the only line of communication I can think to keep open. I won’t tell you I love you. I won’t tell you I miss you. Those are just words that will make you feel bad, and make it seem like I’m trying to manipulate you into interacting with me. I’m not. Chances are, I’ll be too much of a coward to even send this letter, or any of the others.

This letter is more for me than anything; all of them. I have so many things I’ve wanted to say to you. So many things I can’t say. But I can write them. A lot of it is reflections on my life with you. A therapy in a way, because it’s been too long and I’m still crying while writing this, and it has to come out, somehow. So I’ll do it the best way I know how, with my terrible writing of our moments.

Our moments. The ones that can only be real if you remember them too.

I just hope I don’t analyze too much, though I can already tell I have. But that’s just me. The moments I had with you, aren’t just memories to me. They are the seeds of my growth. Cause I know I made a lot of mistakes along the way, and if I can’t see those mistakes, I’ll just make them again.

Even if sometimes it pains me to look back at this stuff. I have to. Or I’ll never get past it. I’ll never move on.

I’ll never let those seeds actually grow into a better me.

Signed,

The Imp

P. S. Terra says Hi.

Blame it on the Butterflies

“And then we can blame it on the butterflies.” She said.

I smiled because she always says that when it is something that has no blame; it just is. And you can’t blame what is on anyone. It was her way of saying our love just exists, and no one could be blamed for that.

I just wish other people could see it that way.

And maybe someday they will, but for now, Julie’s parents blame me. My parents blame her. It’s just one of those vicious circles. I’m sure the butterflies would be happy to take the blame out of all that.

“So, we’ll stick through this…” I choked my words out, “Together?”

She turned to look at me like I just asked her if the sun was going to die in a moment. Her hand rested on mine, and I knew then I wanted her next to me. No, I needed her next to me. Or both, both was good. Both was necessary, so I could have her near me, even through something rough like what trouble we would get in when we went home to our parents.

“Kels, I can’t believe you would even ask me that.” She started and I entangled my fingers with hers. “Even if it means we have to go live in a cabin on the moon, I won’t leave your side.”

She shook both our hands to stir me into looking at her eyes. “And you better not want to leave mine.”

My response was a kiss. And not a peck or a Russian greeting. I mean it was more passionate, sexually and emotionally charged than that kiss bragged about at the end of the Princess Bride.

When we finished, with a heavy breath between us, she grinned and teased, “That wasn’t an answer.”

I rolled my eyes and kissed her again briefly before sighing. “Fine, I’d never leave. I don’t think I could, really.”

She laughed, a warm laughter that made me want to somehow draw myself even closer to her, even though we were already settled comfortably against each other on a stone wall. So I just laughed with her, instead.

I think we needed the laugh, and touch. And so much more, since we both knew we wouldn’t be smiling after the trek home. But maybe we could blame that on the butterflies too. Or at least not think about what was to come.

It was obvious what we were both thinking though when silence fell between us, like a wedge.

Julie adjusted herself like she was ready to stand up and drag me with her in the process, but I needed some of the silence. I pulled on her hand and wrapped my arm with hers, drawing my head to rest against her neck. I could hear my voice vibrate through her shoulder as I whispered, “A little longer.”

She didn’t say anything, but stroked the back of my hand with her thumb as we sat there. I shivered a few times and then could feel her draw me in against her as hard as she could. She usually indulged when I thought I was completely childish, and this time I didn’t mind that. Really, I was glad for it, because I don’t think either of us knew just how far both of our parents would go to stop us from seeing each other.

When we got back to my parent’s house, I didn’t get to see Julie again that night. Or talk. Or anything. She did hold my hand while my parents yelled at us, and she definitely wouldn’t have left me if my parents hadn’t ripped her from me and tossed her out the door.

I don’t think I ever cried quite as much as I did that night. I guess it was lucky that most of my memory of the rest of the night was drowned out by my tears.

I knew I couldn’t stay by morning. Which was why I had a bag packed and climbed down the lattice that was just below my room’s window. Later on, I definitely felt bad for not leaving a note for my parents, but at the time I hated them so much I couldn’t think about anything else but getting away.

I didn’t know where I would be going. If I went to Julie’s I would just be met with a similar response and then I’d have to deal with her parents asking if I was over here with permission from mine. I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t handle any of this. Which is probably why I stumbled, mostly numb, through the city.

I can’t really say how long I walked, or where I was directing myself, it was mostly just the power of inertia having its effect on me. At least until I just froze. I felt all the worry, the pain, the fear, just all of that junk I didn’t want to feel, drain right out of me when I saw Julie, sitting on the stone wall with a bag at her feet and a relieved smile on her face.

I still felt numb though, cause I didn’t do or say anything, except drop my bag to the ground. I didn’t need to though, since Julie covered the distance between us without a second thought. But when she was in my arms, I could see the exhaustion in her eyes. And I wondered if she cried all night too.

We held each other for a while before I could even get a word out. And even then I was starting to feel some tears drip again as I said into her shoulder, “Jules, I couldn’t… I just couldn’t blame the butterflies this time.”

She pulled me tight, and kept her eyes dry as she comforted me.

“I know. I know,” she soothed, “I couldn’t either.”

Episode Five: Are you in a State of Flow?

The Magic In Writing Episode Five

Flow

I’ve discussed the concept of my ‘flow’ before, but recently I discovered that there is an actual state of mind or being known as ‘The Flow’ that has been psychologically researched multiple times. And I figured it would be good to provide some of the information around it, because this concept of the flow is actually incredibly beneficial not just to writers, but really anyone trying to do anything in their life. Seriously. It’s that important.

At any point in time, every single person is in a certain state of being, or state of mind. These can include: worry, apathy, boredom, anxiety, arousal, relaxation, and the Flow.

The flow and this idea that you are always in a state of mind comes from a psychology professor by the name of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (don’t ask me to pronounce that). He had a particular focus on the things like happiness, and improving the creative process. He even made a chart, which is below.

I, by no means, know everything or very much about this process, chart or the person who created it. This is all research done in my spare time on the subject, because I’ve talked about the Flow before and only just discovered it was a psychological word too.

The Flow as you can see above, intersects with a high level of skill and a high level of challenge. Making it both the most challenging and requiring a level of skill to achieve. I don’t fully agree with this table, but the way of achieving a state of flow is pretty accurate. Achieving a state of flow is when you are able to do the most work at maximum time management, and be glad to see that work. You have probably been in a state of flow without realizing it.

So, let’s start with what Flow is.

Have you ever just been so involved with a particular task that you are no longer paying attention to time? Or you just have to finish that task because you’ve set yourself on the path toward it. Or if you play video games, chances are you’ve been in a state of flow.

Flow as in the state of being is when you are so fully immersed into an activity that the only information you are processing in your mind is related to that task (Your mind can only process so much information at once).

There’s a lot of information I’m leaving out around this because otherwise this would be twenty pages long, but if you want more information you can pick up the book Finding Flow, which will discuss all the stuff I’m talking about (well most of it).

Now, as for achieving a state of flow, it can be done when performing any single task actively. This means things you do without really thinking about them, like brushing your teeth or taking a shower or eating breakfast often won’t work for a state of flow, you’ll be in some other state of mind (for that task, thinking about something specific while in the shower can be a state of flow).

Now, it wasn’t good enough to just say, oh some activities work and others don’t. There’s actually most recently been a set of conditions proposed that must be met to achieve your state of flow.

Those conditions are:

1. Knowing what you want to do

2. Knowing where you want to go (not necessarily physically)

3. Knowing how to do what you want to do

4. Knowing how well you are doing in the task

5. Perceiving that the Task is a high level of challenge

6. Perceiving that your skill level is high enough for the task

7. The Elimination of Distractions

When you take all these components into consideration for writing, there’s a few easy tips that can be provided to every writer to help them achieve a state of flow. All of these tips are things you should do before you actually begin writing, every time you go to write.

1. Decide on a writing goal for that day. Specifically for the amount of time you know you will have to sit there and write.

2. Map out the ideas you want to touch on writing. This could be as simple as you’ll write this story idea, or as complicated as devising an outline to work with, so you know exactly what you’ll be writing (at the very least on a generic level like this character will go here and discover this).

3. If you discover while mapping all this out, that you might need to research a name, or a certain topic, do it ahead of time so you have the knowledge in your head before you begin writing. But only research for what you are covering for that particular writing goal that day, no more.

4. When deciding on your writing goal, make sure you create a way to check how you are doing with it. Did you say you want to write 1,000 words that day? Checking words gives you a check on your goal. Maybe you went with ‘write the second chapter’ so use your map of how you wanted that chapter to go to determine how far along you are.

5. Make sure to always challenge yourself with your writing. But make sure the challenge is within what YOU consider your writing skill. If you aim for a goal of 7,000 words that day, but KNOW you only ever get to 2,000 words at max. Then you are setting yourself up for failure. Make the goal challenging but only just out of what you might think your reach is. If you can do 2,000 words, place your goal at 2,500 and you are more likely to see that challenge met than 7,000.

6. Believe in your skill. The only person who can ever completely destroy your push to write, is YOU. If you are constantly setting goals you can’t achieve, you start to think your writing skill is worse. You should know that writing takes practice. Even if you write your first novel, it will never be as good as your second, or third novel, because you’ve learned and grown since that first one. If you don’t believe in your writing skill, you’ll never get anywhere in writing. Confidence can do a lot for people.

7. REMOVE EVERY DISTRACTION. If you try to write on your computer and constantly keep stopping your writing to look at something online, you are not eliminating distractions, you are creating them. This is largely why I choose to still write with pencil and paper, away from a computer, because I will most certainly stop my writing to do something else when I’m on a computer unless I have something to follow like the things I already wrote on paper.

If you follow these particular tips, you are more likely to achieve a state of flow when it comes to your writing, and you’ll actually get more done and be happier with the quality of work you produce. I am not guaranteeing that you will suddenly start turning out tons of novels every couple of months, it’s largely up to you, what your perceived level of challenge is, and your perceived level of skill in writing is.

But these will definitely assist you. You can not go wrong with following these tips. Especially the removal of distractions and setting your writing goal each day. If you don’t at least do those things you’ll slack. It will happen, because you aren’t in a state of flow. And Flow is the best place to be when it comes to writing.

So get out there, and find your flow.

Are you in a State of Flow?

I’ve discussed the concept of my ‘flow’ before, but recently I discovered that there is an actual state of mind or being known as ‘The Flow’ that has been psychologically researched multiple times. And I figured it would be good to provide some of the information around it, because this concept of the flow is actually incredibly beneficial not just to writers, but really anyone trying to do anything in their life. Seriously. It’s that important.

At any point in time, every single person is in a certain state of being, or state of mind. These can include: worry, apathy, boredom, anxiety, arousal, relaxation, and the Flow.

The flow and this idea that you are always in a state of mind comes from a psychology professor by the name of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (don’t ask me to pronounce that). He had a particular focus on the things like happiness, and improving the creative process. He even made a chart, which is below.

I, by no means, know everything or very much about this process, chart or the person who created it. This is all research done in my spare time on the subject, because I’ve talked about the Flow before and only just discovered it was a psychological word too.

The Flow as you can see above, intersects with a high level of skill and a high level of challenge. Making it both the most challenging and requiring a level of skill to achieve. I don’t fully agree with this table, but the way of achieving a state of flow is pretty accurate. Achieving a state of flow is when you are able to do the most work at maximum time management, and be glad to see that work. You have probably been in a state of flow without realizing it.

So, let’s start with what Flow is.

Have you ever just been so involved with a particular task that you are no longer paying attention to time? Or you just have to finish that task because you’ve set yourself on the path toward it. Or if you play video games, chances are you’ve been in a state of flow.

Flow as in the state of being is when you are so fully immersed into an activity that the only information you are processing in your mind is related to that task (Your mind can only process so much information at once).

There’s a lot of information I’m leaving out around this because otherwise this would be twenty pages long, but if you want more information you can pick up the book Finding Flow, which will discuss all the stuff I’m talking about (well most of it).

Now, as for achieving a state of flow, it can be done when performing any single task actively. This means things you do without really thinking about them, like brushing your teeth or taking a shower or eating breakfast often won’t work for a state of flow, you’ll be in some other state of mind (for that task, thinking about something specific while in the shower can be a state of flow).

Now, it wasn’t good enough to just say, oh some activities work and others don’t. There’s actually most recently been a set of conditions proposed that must be met to achieve your state of flow.

Those conditions are:

1. Knowing what you want to do

2. Knowing where you want to go (not necessarily physically)

3. Knowing how to do what you want to do

4. Knowing how well you are doing in the task

5. Perceiving that the Task is a high level of challenge

6. Perceiving that your skill level is high enough for the task

7. The Elimination of Distractions

When you take all these components into consideration for writing, there’s a few easy tips that can be provided to every writer to help them achieve a state of flow. All of these tips are things you should do before you actually begin writing, every time you go to write.

1. Decide on a writing goal for that day. Specifically for the amount of time you know you will have to sit there and write.

2. Map out the ideas you want to touch on writing. This could be as simple as you’ll write this story idea, or as complicated as devising an outline to work with, so you know exactly what you’ll be writing (at the very least on a generic level like this character will go here and discover this).

3. If you discover while mapping all this out, that you might need to research a name, or a certain topic, do it ahead of time so you have the knowledge in your head before you begin writing. But only research for what you are covering for that particular writing goal that day, no more.

4. When deciding on your writing goal, make sure you create a way to check how you are doing with it. Did you say you want to write 1,000 words that day? Checking words gives you a check on your goal. Maybe you went with ‘write the second chapter’ so use your map of how you wanted that chapter to go to determine how far along you are.

5. Make sure to always challenge yourself with your writing. But make sure the challenge is within what YOU consider your writing skill. If you aim for a goal of 7,000 words that day, but KNOW you only ever get to 2,000 words at max. Then you are setting yourself up for failure. Make the goal challenging but only just out of what you might think your reach is. If you can do 2,000 words, place your goal at 2,500 and you are more likely to see that challenge met than 7,000.

6. Believe in your skill. The only person who can ever completely destroy your push to write, is YOU. If you are constantly setting goals you can’t achieve, you start to think your writing skill is worse. You should know that writing takes practice. Even if you write your first novel, it will never be as good as your second, or third novel, because you’ve learned and grown since that first one. If you don’t believe in your writing skill, you’ll never get anywhere in writing. Confidence can do a lot for people.

7. REMOVE EVERY DISTRACTION. If you try to write on your computer and constantly keep stopping your writing to look at something online, you are not eliminating distractions, you are creating them. This is largely why I choose to still write with pencil and paper, away from a computer, because I will most certainly stop my writing to do something else when I’m on a computer unless I have something to follow like the things I already wrote on paper.

If you follow these particular tips, you are more likely to achieve a state of flow when it comes to your writing, and you’ll actually get more done and be happier with the quality of work you produce. I am not guaranteeing that you will suddenly start turning out tons of novels every couple of months, it’s largely up to you, what your perceived level of challenge is, and your perceived level of skill in writing is.

But these will definitely assist you. You can not go wrong with following these tips. Especially the removal of distractions and setting your writing goal each day. If you don’t at least do those things you’ll slack. It will happen, because you aren’t in a state of flow. And Flow is the best place to be when it comes to writing.

So get out there, and find your flow.

NaNoWriMo, Short Stories, and Letters

So, in preparation for National Novel Writing Month, I’ve been cleaning myself out of a bunch of random writing that I just needed to get out of me. And digging up some writing I’d done a while back. So over the next month I’ll actually be posting up some of that writing. This includes some short stories I’ve written, some serials, some chapters for my books, and even some letters I’ve written but I’m too much of a coward to actually send.

Some of this is really close to me. Some not so much. It just depends. But I dug up a few letters I wrote to someone but never sent, and ended up writing some more of them. And looking over them, I’ve realized it would be really great therapy for me to continue writing more of these letters, even though they are also emotionally draining. But I think it’s because of the emotional draining aspect that I need to do it. So there might end up being way more. Either way all the short stories and letters will get left under my Short Story tab as they get posted, unless they specifically are part of a serial or something.

We’ll see.

As you can imagine though, doing this kind of spring cleaning with my writing does mean I’m preparing to get an extensive amount of writing done for NaNoWriMo. I can’t say I’m going to be posting it up on here each day as I write it, because chances are there will be days I won’t get the chance to write. But, I will be putting the work on here at some point along the way, specifically in chapters.

This year’s NaNo I won’t actually be following the normal Nanowrimo stuff. I am working on two novels for the month, both of which I’ve already started, and both of which have plans to run far more than 50,000 words each. The goal is to get through around half the book on each of these over the course of the month, possibly more. This means most of my free time will be going to writing, a lot. And to make sure I actually get it done. It will all be written on paper.

This means, chances are, I might not be showing any of it through the month of November, but come December when I type it all up and run through fixes, it will be placed on here. So although I won’t be posting all November, you might see the first couple chapters pop up in November and then more leading into December and January for both of these novels.

I’m excited to get going with these two novels though. As one continues my current series (which I am desperately trying to be good and not skip to the third book). The other will do my first YA novel ever and my first Sci-fi novel at that.

The two titles are:

Marci Moreno and the Knight of Knowledge

and

Beyond Ever After Book 2: A Faerie in a Purple Dress

Unfortunately with this focus, it likely means any of my other writing work will be held off, other than what I’ve got written as of tonight. This probably means I won’t be posting for Monday Blogs, nor will I be touching the serials since I only have half a chapter written for two of them currently. And I likely won’t be getting to my book reviews even though I have TONS to do.

So, I hope everyone else is getting involved with NaNoWriMo and it should be a fun and exhausting month.

Love ya,

The Imp

The Words We Don’t Mean

You Don’t Really Mean That

We have an epidemic people. An invisible disease that has struck you at a young age, much in the same way Disney has your childhood by the ovaries. And worst of all, you will have it all your life and never get rid of it. It can only be managed, and treated in certain ways, but never cured. And I bet you are wondering at this point what that terrible disease could be?

Well, it’s language. Or more specifically, your grasp and use of language.

I know, I know, how could that possibly be a disease? Everyone has to use language!

But you see, this disease is social contracted and does things to your head that makes you draw your words and language from areas that you shouldn’t be! But don’t worry, it’s something you can pay attention to and at least check and catch it when you do it. In fact, I did it in the third sentence of the first paragraph, and you probably didn’t even notice. This is just how invisible this disease is, and just because it is invisible doesn’t make it any less worse!

Now that I’ve thoroughly riled you up, it is time to get down to business and shed some light on this matter. Oh no! I’m already doing it again! I can’t stop!!

Seriously though, I think it is important to discuss these various words and phrases we innately draw upon in our society without really meaning them. You might hear them be called clichés or tropes but it’s way more socially dominating than that. Words can all fall into a few main categories when you use them.

The Heart

These are the words that are used to either explain or describe your feelings, or come directly from your feelings. You might hear the phrase ‘It came from my heart’ in relation to these types of words. They are the more irrational and emotional side of language. Even cuss words can fall into this category, especially if the cuss word is your own and not a commonly uttered one.

The Mind

These are the thoughtful words, or the ones you use to explain an idea that is your own, or words that come directly from the ideas in your head. The best way to understand these is they are the more rational words you use, like if you try to have a legitimate discussion with someone on pizza, and all those words come directly from you and not just something you heard before.

The Memory

These are words that come from areas you’ve already known. They can have words of the heart and mind in them, but this is often what makes these words so complicated in understanding, because if you say a word from the heart too often, it can end up becoming a word of memory and is just something you say without really ‘meaning’ it.

The Social

These are the words that come from other people. More specifically, they are often the words that are for other people. They could be something as simple as Thank you, or even more complicated ones like if you ever have to tell people why you eat cheese enough times it could end up as a ‘Social word’.

If you haven’t figured it out, the words from your memory and the words from the Social are the ones I’m absolutely concerned with. This is because words of your mind or heart are always words that come directly from you, in that moment, and you actually mean them. And this is really the key to the matter here. We are so ingrained with habits and social constructs that we don’t always consider that we don’t mean the things we say, and say them because of a social situation or because we are drawing those words from our memory.

You may not think these words can be that damaging, but words have a lot of power in them, especially when they are used on other people. Even if you don’t mean them, you can still put power behind them by simply saying them.

To give an appropriate example: Julia has completely fallen in love with someone, despite only a week passing since they’ve even met. She knows that socially she can’t say anything about it for at least a month or more. But she slips up and confesses her love after only another week passes. The other girl she confessed to, has a bit of a panic attack and knows that socially she either HAS to say she loves Julia back or just break it off right there. Even though the girl just isn’t quite sure how to handle her feelings yet since they’ve only known each other for two weeks. So she chooses a social response and says that she loves Julia back.

Julia is of course thrilled at first, but another month passes and the girl suddenly tells Julia she doesn’t really love her. Julia is destroyed. She can’t understand why, or what was going on, because they had both said they loved each other before. But clearly one of them had been ‘lying’.

There’s even more examples like saying thank you when you don’t really mean it, or the innumerable clichés that many people draw upon day by day. But really it comes down to two simple categories with any word you say. And most people will think I’m going to say truth and lie, but that’s not it. The lying doesn’t matter, and this is why:

Those two categories are the words you mean, and the ones you don’t. There’s a big difference here than the truth and lies. And for the longest time I never even noticed it. I’d often tell people to just be honest with me. But it’s not honesty I’m looking for with my social interactions. I’m looking for meaning. I don’t care if you have to give the biggest white lie to me, if that is the words you mean in that situation it is what you mean. This is often why ‘white lies’ are in a gray category, because they are often things that are completely not true, but are what the person means at that time (usually to save someone’s feelings).

It doesn’t mean they are really any better. But many people tend to put too much focus on this person lying and that person telling the truth, when what really matters is whether any of those people actually put some meaning into their words. This is largely why I don’t always say thank you, or I’m selective when I say I love you. Because they aren’t just words to me, they are the expressions of my mind and my feelings, and if I’m just throwing them around as I feel like it, then they lose their value and meaning. Then what words do I have to use?

So next time you say something. Think about it. Do you really mean what you are going to say? Is what you are going to say coming from your heart? Or your head? If you can’t back up your words with a little emotional or brain power, chances are you just don’t care about them. So why put those words into the world?

It’s All Small Things Even Writing

A Look At Building Your World

There’s a question many writers have been asking themselves. And it has to do with how to build a world that people just want to live in. How do you build a world like Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter? And I don’t have an answer for you, the authors of those worlds probably don’t even have an answer for you, because they often just did it, whatever it is. Maybe they have a few tips here and there that they noticed helped, but when it comes down to it, there’s no one way to build a world. There is, however, a very simple thing to follow when it comes to wanting to build your own world. After all, the scope of crafting such an epic universe that expands and ever grows like the Marvel Universes or the Harry Dresden novels, can be daunting, as daunting as the idea of changing the world. If you’ve wanted to build your own world with your novels, you have probably asked yourself more than once, where the flying faerie fuck do I begin?

Well, when you want to begin anything, even something as epic and grand as crafting your own universe and world, it starts with a single step; or more specifically, it starts with the small things. Really, all it is, is about the small things, because everything is small.

There is one thing we do know about world-building with novels and entire fictional series, and it has to do with slowly introducing the reader to the world. Often times the thing that kills a lot of good books and good worlds, is a massive dump of exposition at the beginning of a novel, to explain the world and everything about it. This is literally like hitting your reader over the head with a hammer and saying “Get in my damn world now!” It doesn’t work in real life, and it’s not gonna work in your fictional world either. Which is why if you want to craft a universe that can really capture people, all it takes is focusing on the small things, the details in that world… and soon you have something living and breathing and alive.

What do I mean?

The Details

The small things are really anything you can think of, just concentrated down. Like say, if you have a unique race of people, do they have a language? Can it be translated? We’ve seen fictional languages with Avatar, Lord of the Rings, and many more, and they actually lead to people getting so obsessed with it that they learn the language and even add their own words to it. The thing is, creating a language is no simple task, it’s massive and expansive, but possible, by going a few rules and words at a time, much in the same way you craft your world.

Think about a few key features of the culture and people in your world. What is their average day? If you think about these things ahead of time, you’ll see that it starts to sprinkle into your writing as you go on. Even something as simple as coming up with Expletives that the people of your world say can have a huge impact. Don’t believe me? Well, there’s actually a word for it.

In the Hollows Series, there is a pixie character named Jinx, and he has a bit of a cult following for a major reason… he has something called Jinxisms. Or more specifically, certain phrases that he exclaims in place of expletives that are often times very amusing and also relatable, as well as really being something a pixie character with knowledge of our real world would say. They include things like: Tink’s Panties, or really anything about Tinkerbell, like my favorite (even though it’s a terrible thing to actually say), Tink is a Disney Whore .

These -isms are actually highly powerful things because it not only shows that your world is alive and different from the real world we know, but gives a character depth, with just expletives! Just imagine if you put a little more attention into random details here and there, suddenly you have this massive world being created and in small pieces. Before long the reader is sucked into the world without even realizing it and best of all… they can’t figure out exactly why they love that world, just that they do. And it’s because there wasn’t just one thing, there were hundreds of little things that touched them slowly and eventually they just couldn’t pull away from it. They just had to keep reading, and had to keep knowing about the world.

The Broken Window

In fact, there is an effect this is known as now, thanks to The Tipping Point, and it’s called the Broken Window effect. The idea behind it is that if you have a broken window, it’s a small detail, a tiny thing that really doesn’t matter much. But if you have a broken window and you don’t fix it, suddenly you have a burglar come along and think no one cares about that house with the broken window, and they rob it. This keeps happening, and eventually you have even worse problems popping up. And all it would have taken was fixing that window, to suddenly clear up hundreds of other problems that you would think are big, but they aren’t. They are all small things, small things that can be changed and fixed.

Applying this broken window effect to the world building, you discover that by focusing on the smaller things, you’ll solve the bigger things pretty quickly. In fact, in many cases the big things will just drop in place themselves, because they just make perfect sense after you’ve already created all the small things in your world!

So please, consider the small things. Many people don’t, but it really can change a lot, just by focusing your scope. And your readers will end up enjoying it more.

Show Don’t Tell and Depiction Versus Description

For the longest time I couldn’t properly place my choice to write my novels with a bit less description and a lot more dialogue and human interaction. Until recently when I watched this idea channel video which discusses at some point the concept of our very depiction focused society, and then it all made total bloody sense.

You see, a lot of the articles and tips sections I read about writing a novel, talk about how important description is, and how it’s especially important to a fantasy series. In fact, in many cases a fantasy series isn’t even considered epic fantasy if it doesn’t have just so much description in it that you feel like you’d get more fun out of smashing your head on the insanely long and big book than reading through it. And I’m sorry, as awesome as epic fantasy series’ often are, they are always bogged down with so much other junk and description and there’s no denying that. Every person I know who’s read the more recent Game of Thrones novels have repeatedly mentioned that it takes a while to get into it, but it’s well worth it.

And I’m sure that’s true. They are probably brilliant and great novels. But they still have all this massive content in there, that no one wants to read and guaranteed many people skip over while still completely understanding what is going on. And this is because many epic fantasy series include so much extra information that it bogs down the really great stories. Even the later Harry Potter novels suffered heavily from this as well. It’s as if in an epic fantasy series it suddenly becomes okay that you don’t have to edit and cut out all the bullshit fat description that wasn’t needed. It’s like this is the only genre that it’s accepted in, which seems odd.

That said though. This is largely the reason why I avoid a lot of description, instead I focus more on the characters and if I’m writing in first person I make sure to include commentary from the narrator, because commentary is another form of dialogue, just dialogue the character makes with them self.

I’ve actually discussed the whole description issue in books previously, here. In which I talked about the excess in a novel. But this whole concept of depiction versus description is massive. And the very words I had been trying to look for. You see, describing things is great for other people to then create images and such from (though usually never completely accurate), and this includes the use of description in novels, but the point of a novelist isn’t to describe something so people can create depictions of it. It’s to depict the story themselves. And it’s easier for a reader to get the image of a scene in their head from things like dialogue with subtle touches of those narrative words.

Don’t believe me? Well. One of the biggest pieces of advice that is often told to writers, is: Show, don’t Tell.

Guess what showing is… depiction.

Guess what telling is… description.

The best novels out there, show and don’t tell, which means they have minimal description going on and just let the characters or the story show itself. And I think putting it in this context would help a lot of people out. Cause it’s great to say show don’t tell, but in practical application, people often don’t know what that means in terms of what they should do to alter their writing to be better. By saying you should have less description and more of the story focused; that touches the purpose of show don’t tell, while actually making it practical advice a writer can put to use.

It’s a lot like trying to talk about pace, which is just something you have to learn from writing stories over time. But in this case, show don’t tell is something we can actually teach people to pay attention to and do. We were just doing it poorly.

So instead of ‘Show, don’t Tell’, think: Depict the scene, don’t describe it.

Even Immortals Fear the Reaper: Chapter 1

Book One, Chapter One
She Had to Walk Into My Bar

I should have walked out the back door the moment that Kappa strolled through the front one. But me and my curiosity just couldn’t let that happen. Instead I sat there with a fag watching the scaly deity look around and then walk straight to me. And here I paid good money to make sure no one knew where I had gone. I’d be demanding a refund after this.

“Shinigami-sama, we need your help.” The Kappa asked, and I took a deep puff of my menthol before shaking my head. My legs dropped from the chair I had used as a footstool and I closed my eyes while pinching the bridge of my nose.

“I’m not a shinigami. And I don’t do help. You have the wrong person.” I explained, waving my hand away with a stream of smoke before taking another puff and looking away. The Kappa stared at me, I could feel it; I think I stunned it.

“But… you are the only one who can help. They’ve gotten out of control. Before long there won’t be a Japan left! Please!” The Kappa cried and got down on the floor, hands and knees all over that peanut filled floor. And… of all things the Kappa lowered her head to me, showing the plate of water that held her power.

“You have got to be kidding me.” I sighed and stood up, grabbing the Kappa by the arm and pulling her to her feet. I glared at her and flicked a piece of ash from the tip of my fag on the floor. “Look, I don’t have to do anything. Japan always has too many deities, and then this always happens. I spent enough time there already and I’m not about to go back.”

The Kappa’s beak quivered almost like chattering teeth, but her eyes were hard and strong. It was clear she had done a lot to be able to track me down. Hell, a Kappa hardly ever left the Asian regions, so seeing one in London was rather significant. Things had to be bad over there since I stopped reaping.

I sighed. “Fine, I’ll listen. But I’m not guaranteeing anything. Just don’t call me a shinigami again. It’s the least I can do if you came this far.”

I let go of the Kappa and she instantly bowed to me. “Thank you, so much.” She lifted her head up, “If you don’t mind me asking, what should I call you?”

I thought for a moment. My adopted human name could work, but that was no fun. “Shi, call me Shi.”

The lizard-like deity gave me a look of fright, but she knew who I was if she came to me calling me a damn shinigami. As if I was someone that low. To be fair though there wasn’t really a word for what I was, or any kind of ceremonial name like Amateratsu.

“With me.” I called back to the Kappa as I turned and trashed my bud in the ash trash, before walking behind the bar. That Kappa was right on my heels too, she certainly wasn’t timid. That was a plus at least.

We reached a back room where I occasionally played poker with a few long-standing members in London; the few deities that knew I was still around. Other than a few cruddy chairs and the very expensive felt table there wasn’t much, except a few storage items for the bar.

I took a seat at one of the chairs and waved my hand for the Kappa to have a seat too. She chose to stand though, and I shrugged.

She didn’t say anything though, and started to dig through a bag at her side. I rolled my eyes and said, “So spill, now.”

She jumped and nodded lightly, pulling a small envelope out and handing it to me. “I apologize for the delay. I had forgotten where I placed this, and was told to give it to you if you agreed to talk to me.”

My eyebrows furrowed and I glanced down at the envelope. I didn’t have anything on me to open it, and it always took minutes for me to force them open. The flaps were held down with an impossible glue. Still I took the time to peel the flap off, nearly ripping the whole envelope in the process, while the Kappa just stood in front of me.

“You don’t have some kind of spiel or something while I’m fiddling with this?” I asked while eyeing up at her. She looked a little nervous, but just shook her head, and I went to pulling the folded paper out of the envelope.

“I’m supposed to wait until you read that.” She explained and I just nodded and tossed the envelope on the table. So she had been sent here under orders, who could command a Kappa to come this far though?

“Suit your—“ I paused as I looked at the first few words of the still-folded note. My lower lip dropped a smidge and I read the full front note.

The girl before you is your daughter.

Her name is Shima.

-    Mizu

I would have laughed, but the signature was from one of the few people who could have produced a Kappa child that would technically, genetically be my daughter.

I looked back up at the Kappa girl. We did have a few similar features, same muddy-colored eyes, slight nose, and strong chin, but otherwise a mostly doll-like Japanese face. She probably looked even more similar to me if she projected her human shape at me. But she was likely told not to, and to just keep up appearances for the humans. It was a sign of respect thing with Japanese deities.

Still, her looks didn’t mean she was my daughter. “Shima,” I began and she jumped in surprise. “Would you mind showing me your human shape?”

“Uh…” She was definitely hesitant at the thought, which probably meant she’s never been asked before. “I don’t think I should.”

“It would help with my decision.” I added. It was true. Even if this girl wasn’t my daughter, if there was any one thing that would drag me back to Japan it would be because I had real family that would be screwed without me there.

She nodded and her body shimmered. It was almost like she was composed of water and a ripple was running through her from a stone being dropped in her. Then suddenly she looked human. Not just human, she looked like she could be my younger sister.

My eyes ran back down to the letter, as I flipped the rest of it open. It was written in clear Japanese, which I was never amazing at, but I understood the gist of it.

My Love,

I know this is a shock, and you likely just tried some test to see if she really is your daughter. I want you to know I was not keeping her from you. She’s only a year fresh, molded from your genes, and a touch of mine. This means she doesn’t know that much about the world. You must think I sent her because I thought that would be the best way to get you to come back, but that is not the case. I sent her so she could know her other parent, and even if you chose not to come back and help with this dire situation, I beg of you to please at least keep her with you.

As for the situation, I will not hold anything against you if you decide not to help. One of the deities here has gotten out of control though and things would not turn into a terrible and dangerous civil war if you could easily eliminate the issue.

I will let Shima explain the details. She also has two plane tickets waiting to return to Japan, if you chose to go. However, knowing you, you have likely already made up your mind. Please hear her out.

Even if you do not come back, I still love you.

Always,

Mizu

“Bloody hell, Mizu.” I groaned and shook my head. Of course she wouldn’t answer the one question I would want to know: Is Shima aware that she’s my daughter?

My attention drew back up to the Kappa, still in her human shape. “Okay, let’s go.”

She blinked at me, “But, don’t you want me to explain what’s going on? Did… what did that letter say?”

I stood up and pushed in my chair. “That doesn’t matter. You can explain on the way. We have a flight to catch, right?”

She blinked again, while otherwise frozen stiff. “Yes, but it doesn’t leave till later today.”

“I still have to pack, which doesn’t leave much time to get there.”

Shima seemed to hesitate for a moment but then looked toward the door. “Well, can you tell me what changed your mind, at least?”

I opened the door and laid a hand on her back. This is where my great tact comes in.

“You are my daughter.” I said, then pushed her through the doorway.

Agents of SHIELD – Skye and Melinda Ship

I haven’t been writing fan fiction for a while now, but it was mostly because I’d been devoting time to my worlds instead. That said, there was a moment in the opening episode of Agents of SHIELD that has led me to believe Skye and Melinda would make a perfect relationship with some budding romance possibility going on and to prove I’m totally behind this, a scene popped up in my mind. This scene takes place when Melinda May took Skye to her van. Something that was not actually shown on-screen. (Disclaimer: Clearly I do not own these characters, otherwise it wouldn’t be a fanfic)

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Skye and Melinda Scene

“So…” Skye began, letting it linger as if she wasn’t really sure what to say next. She just had to fill the current silence with anything.

Melinda kept her eyes toward the road, and added nothing to the already pregnant pause.

“…how long have you been an agent?” Skye finally asked as she adjusted position in the passenger seat of her van.

Melinda still said nothing. Her eyes didn’t even waver from the world past the windshield.

“Right. Well I guess the people in the dark suits only talk when truth serum is running through their veins.” Skye shrugged and leaned back against the headrest. She pulled a leg up and rested her elbow on it while glancing out the window.

Melinda glanced over to see the sun reflected from the window creating almost a glowing effect on Skye, that could have been blinding. The agent didn’t seem to mind though, at least until her attention shifted back to the cars around her.

Skye sighed and shifted in her seat again. She set her leg back down and turned directly to her chaperon. “I mean, I guess you suit-types have to be all silent and shifty, unless you’re a boss man like uh… Agent…” Skye rubbed her thumb like she was trying to snap her fingers as if the effect would help bring something to the forefront of her thoughts. Her head lingered to look through the windshield.

“Coulson” Melinda and Skye said in union. They both gazed at each other. Melinda with a hard face and Skye with a bit of a smirk.

Their eyes finally broke contact as Agent May turned her head back to the traffic and Skye settled back into her seat, facing forward.

“Uh, yeah… Agent Coulson.” The hacker concluded, clearly trying to get her mind back on track to where she had been going with it previously. “But, it’s not like you can’t have a conversation here. No one’s in danger of dying at this precise moment and it’s better than the silence.”

Melinda said nothing, and the car jerked a bit into a turn that forced Skye against the closest car door.

The silence wasn’t broken again until Skye added. “It’s not like I can’t look that stuff up anyway. I mean, how do you know I don’t already know it and that I’m just asking to be polite here, like you clearly aren’t.”

Agent May’s shoulders tensed and although she didn’t turn her head, she had a terse reply with a locked jaw. “Then maybe you should ask the right questions.”

Skye perked up at that, surprised really that she was actually getting any response out of the agent. “The right questions, huh?” She grinned and glanced to the agent.

“So I should build a super computer that will sit around for a few millenia thinking this stuff up.” Skye nodded to herself.

Melinda smiled, but still kept her eyes to the road. “If the only question you want is the one whose answer is 42, yes.”

The hacker’s eyes lit up and she turned her head showingly to look at the driver with some combination of shock and admiration. “I would not have taken you as a hitchhiker.”

Melinda pulled the van to a stop and gazed in the civilian’s direction. “I wouldn’t either, since I lack my towel.”

With that the Agent popped her door open and stepped out of the van, leaving Skye looking like she was about to squee with excitement, until the driver door was slammed shut.

“We’re here.” Melinda added before stepping away from the hacker’s line of sight and moving to open up the side door to the van.

Skye grinned widely, “And this is why I love surprises.”