Corey Feldman's Blog, page 2

Free eBook of my novelette, The Sexton and The Reaper

Free eBook of my novelette, The Sexton and The Reaper

I meant to send this out to a wider audience, so I am extending the coupon through Friday. You can download it here https://www.coreyjfpublishing.com/product/the-sexton-and-the-reaper-an-alex-kagan-novelette-edition-2/ To get it for free, please apply/copy/paste the following coupon code: s&rfreehappynewyear

The Sexton and the Reaper is a novelette in my upcoming Alex Kagan series. It is Urban Fantasy with a Jewish Mystical spin. It’s really a story about the Human Condition, Friendships, and a good old fashion love story; and of course, Ghosts, Soul Collectors, Angels, Jewish Mysticism (Kabbalah), and of course fantasy.

If you are interested in the background of the series, a couple of year ago I started writing a novel about a strong female character that grew up in an Orthodox Jewish home in Georgetown. Her name is Alex (Alexandra) Kagan. She was a double Hoya, Georgetown undergrad and law, but instead of joining her father’s law practice she joins the police department. Additional she end up significantly less observant than her family. Needless to say, she has a challenging relationship with most of her family, with the exception of her grandfather. I originally had her Grandfather dying in the first chapter with everyone (including her coworkers) believing it was nothing more than an age/accident related death.  As she begins her own private, off the books investigation, she discovers his death was due to the fact he was a practical/theurgical (magical) Kabbalist. The more she investigates the deeper she enters this new world view and discovers that she is naturally adept at Practical Kabbalah. I could never get very far into the novel. Every time I tried moving forward with the story, I kept being brought backwards to the grandfather. As a relatively rookie writer, at least in that genre, I forgot the basic principle of letting the story (my unconscious, or whatever) guide me. Once I stopped trying to force a story that wasn’t ready to be told, or might not even end up being told in the same way, I knew before I could really begin my Alex Kagan series, a series I feel passionate about due to the general lack of Jewish Fantasy, her Grandfather’s story had to be told first.

I kicked it around for awhile, but I had my children’s series and hadn’t given up the day job yet, so there wasn’t any time. One Sunday I had this very random thought pop into my head. I don’t recall the trigger but lots of cultures have, or really had, traditions/superstitions/beliefs that cemeteries are designed to trap evil spirits inside. I always thought it an odd sort of belief, since I could never figure out why an evil spirit would enter a cemetery. I know that the idea was that the spirt was an evil creature/sorcerer/person who would get buried and the soul would be trapped. I also know that many times these beliefs were connected to some sort of vampire lore (many cultures have variations on the Vampire mythos, including Judaism and Lilith, but it was never really limited to that and often expand it to ghosts and other things that go bump in the night. I always found this troublesome in suspending my disbelief when I’d find it in a fantasy novel. I mean why would some evil spirt stay in the body all the way to burial. But like any storyteller, I decided to let my imagination run. I took some of the myths and started a thought experiment. What if, somehow, some-when (middle ages or earlier) someone actually figured out a mystical formula that on sanctified/holly grounds, a cemetery could trap a ghost/spirit/soul/Neshama inside. So I thought if it acted as a barrier to keep those things in, it could just as likely keep things out, especially given the limitations of a finite human mind tapping into the power of the infinite. So for my thought experiment – My first rule/supposition was cemeteries (or at least certain cemeteries) could act as a barrier for both entrance and exit to a Neshama. My second rule/supposition was that some sort of minor angel (typically depicted as lacking free will) would essentially be birthed out of the Ein Sof or preferably a collective of Hashem’s divinity for the sole purpose of guiding a Neshama through the Sephirot to the heavily court, then playing on an eastern idea and one I have come across is some Kabbalistic teachings, was upon completion of it’s purpose the minor angel would rejoin the collective as a drop of water returning to the sea. My third rule/supposition was that Angels and Neshamot were essentially made of the same essence and bound by the same restrictions. So with those rules/suppositions in place I started my experiment. What would happen if a person were to die inside a cemetery before one of these minor angels, could collect his Neshama. Admittedly I chose the term Reaper for the title to appeal to a larger audience. So the novelette takes place, mostly between this Angel and Neshama trapped on opposite sides of a cemetery gate. Backing up, with this thought experiment in my head I decided to turn it into a short story. I was feeling the need to write and I hadn’t written a short in a very long time. It was a rare Sunday that I had time on my hands so I started writing out my experiment. Of course and old fashion love story popped in between the man and his still living wife who would come to visit. And obviously a lot of what might happen with a Neshama and an Angel supposedly lacking free will, yet essentially made of the same stuff as any soul, over time…

As general standard a short story comes in under 7500 words. For Science Fiction/Fantasy, less than 7500 words is the standard set by the SFWA – Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America. And anything near the ball park of 7500 words would be considered a Long Short Story. Some genres do not really distinguish between a novelette and a novella. But again as general rule, a Novelette is from 7500 words to under 17, 500 words with Novellas starting at 17500 up until about 40K. 40K words and beyond and you are at the generally excepted novel length. Anyway, I flew right on past at 7500 mark before I knew it. I wrote most of the story in a day and another day or so for editing. I could have easily kept going, but the more I wrote, the more connections started developing to Alex Kagan project that I kept coming back to and had bouncing around in my head. I didn’t want to turn this into a full length novel and I knew if I kept going I would bring in more of the AK projected than I was ready for. So around 8300 words or so I knew I told the story, at least this part of the story, that I wanted to tell. Even though the novelette was written so quickly and seemingly randomly, I loved it. I thought I would through it out there and see if it stuck. To my surprise, it did. It has consistantly been my best seller. Now most people buy the ebook, either through my site or Amazon. The paperback and audiobook sales have been nothing to write home about, but when it comes to total sales, it has been my best seller. Now at .99 cents, amazon’s cut, or the credit card processor cut, it is coffee money. I have been told multiple times I should be charging more, but on some level, I knew I wanted this to be a companion piece, affordable and assessable.

About a year later and even less time on my hands, I knew it was time to write this prequel to the Alex Kagan series before I started connecting it to my Egret the Elephant children’s series  or something silly like that. It was time, but I wasn’t sure how to tackle it. A full length novel was overwhelming. It was not so much the time commitment. I have carved out essentially the better part of one day each week for my writing, but it still felt overwhelming in regards to putting whole novel together with everything else on my plate. I decided considering the success of S&R, both in sales and reviews, why not serialize the story of how Solomon Kagan, becomes Nicolai —— Practical Kabbalist, Zayde and uniquely bonded to one Alex Kagan. So I started with Kristallnacht and a 5 year old Solomon Kagan, on that second terrible night in Nazi Germany and how he survived.  This is not a spoiler since we know he lives to have a Granddaughter. While we may very well may find The Alex Kagan series run a different course than I originally started, regardless of the direction this all goes, we know he survives at least until at least 1989ish. Now I wouldn’t call this a spoiler into his story as much as a teaser for the first serial, Kristallnacht which takes place on November 10th, 1938, but it start with a prologue in Georgetown circa 1989 and begins to explain the connection between the now “Nicolai” Solomon Kagan and his not yet 5 year old granddaughter Alex. I think the plan is working. I was very please with Kristallnacht. And wrote most of it in a day. When I sent it to one of my copy editors, it was at about 6300 words. After edits it is right up at, or over that 7500 mark. I would have had it out a while ago but an illness essentially sidelined me for the month of December. So since Kristallnacht will be released (only in ebook form until the serial is completed) very soon, as pleased as I am with S&R’s success I want to put as many eyeballs on it as I can before Kristallnacht’s release. So again. Link https://www.coreyjfpublishing.com/product/the-sexton-and-the-reaper-an-alex-kagan-novelette-edition-2/  and the coupon code making it free until Friday s&rfreehappynewyear

Enjoy the read. I would love it if you leave a review on my publishing site or on Amazon if your like it, if not, well you know the old saying, if you can’t say anything nice, say it in Yiddish, no wait that’s a fun book by Lita Epstein that I found some colorful language in for Kristallnacht.

Cross posted in a hopefully, not too annoying way….

Corey Feldman, President

CoreyJF Publishing, LLC

Print, eBook, Audiobook, and Video Publisher

http://www.coreyjfpublishing.com

corey@coreyjfpublishing.com

301-458-0818

12299 Greenleaf Ave

Potomac, MD 20854

Free ebook of The Sexton and the Reaper

Need an great quick read on, everything is closed New Years Day? In honor of the New Year, the 10th Anniversary of meeting my wife Melissa Weinrieb Feldman and the upcoming release of my new and related Alex Kagan Prequel serial 1 KristallNacht. Help yourself to a free eBook of the related novelette The Sexton and the Reaper. https://www.coreyjfpublishing.com/pro... The coupon code is good for through New Years Day. Please copy/paste the following code into the coupon box.

s&rfreehappynewyear

The Sexton and the Reaper is a novelette in the Alex Kagan series. It is Urban Fantasy with Jewish Mystical spin. It’s really a story about the Human Condition, Friendships, and a good old fashion love story; and of course, Ghosts, Soul Collectors, Angels, Jewish Mysticism (Kabbalah), and of course fantasy.

PRESERVATION: EXPERIENCE AWE IN THE EVERYDAY

Cross-posting from CoreyJFPublishing.com were you can pickup a signed copy!

PRESERVATION: EXPERIENCE AWE IN THE EVERYDAY

Potomac High School teacher publishes awe-inspiring first poetry book

In Preservation, Akiva J. Savett’s first collection of poetry, his verbal dexterity, intellect, and empathy are on full display. He is in love with life and language and the possibilities contained in each moment.

Much of his work is interested in opening the sacred. In each poem, Savett discovers and frees the luminous trapped within the chaos of his life. An Advanced Placement High School English teacher in suburban Maryland, Savett is also a chronic sufferer of Crohn’s Disease and a committed father and husband.

In the midst of his struggles with surgery, mortality, and the contingencies of parenthood, Savett takes heed of William Carlos Williams’ injunction “no ideas but in things.” In verse that is both sensorial and playfully experimental, Savett preserves the people, places, and moments which comprise his world and ours.

“Think you don’t like poetry? Read this book!” – Ali G, Amazon review

“His writing is lyrical and yet crisp, reminding us to notice and savor the details in the world and experiences around us.” – Missy K, Amazon review

Dance Party!

This is how we roll in the Feldman House

Recruiting No No’s # number 2 and little a taste of humble pie for me

Ok so here is my second article in as many days on recruiting no no’s. like the last it is essentially a redacted email interaction from an unsolicited recruitment email in a non related industry.  It seems like the initial email was sent from what I assume is a sourcer and then someone else picked it up from there. Unlike the last one I will do it in reverse order to make it easier to read. I the response and there were some valid points made. But again, I truly believe the approach is flawed regardless of intentions and I hopefully explained why in a clear way, and provided a helpful approach that will meet what I hope is the recruiter’s true goal. – Side subject, I think I have now officially written as many blog post regarding HR, as in the entire time I was actually in HR. At least under my own name and blog…  Ok on to the exchange – bottom to top

Hello Corey,

Your resume was handed to me by a colleague of mine, and I wanted to reach out to you to discuss a fantastic opportunity here in Maryland!

I represent the [Redacted], and I am searching for an energetic, goal driven, outgoing candidate to fill the role of a multi-line insurance agent. This person will be responsible for the procuring new clients, sales and service of new life, disability, property and casualty insurance policies. This is ultimately a self-employed position with the opportunity to create your own enterprise. We provide training and income to get started!

I can be reached via email or cell at [redacted] should you be interested in discussing further.

I look forward to hearing from you!

[redacted]

My response – yes too snarky, not to excuse it, but I am in the middle of a website buildout and have received so many spam like recruiting emails lately, I responded. See below

Just out of curiosity I’m curious why if “someone gave” you my resume, what would make you think I would be a good fit for this position. You might be interested an an article I just wrote on recruiting. Hope it helps you find appropriate candidates.

http://www.coreyjf.com/2013/10/21/a-follow-up-to-my-why-i-hate-hr-piece-recruiters-stop-spamming/

They responded with some very good points so I did get a bit of humble pie for my snarkyness. That said, I still say they are doing it wrong. They were even generous enough to, I think, pay my writing a compliment. Their response below

Corey,While I can absolutely appreciate your ill feelings towards spam emails, I assure you we do take our jobs seriously and care about those we are able to build relationships with.  You pointed out many reasons why companies do what they do. However, I ask you not to categorize everyone. Don’t forget that we are trying to have a mutually beneficial working relationships in the workplace. We provide opportunity, and they help us grow. While you may view this process or this job as beneath you, I speak with people every day who are down on their luck…from being fired, divorce, some hate their current job, and some flat out just want to find a better life for their families. We try to provide them an opportunity to do that. Sometimes the process can come across as robotic and non-personal however I assure you that I (a former middle school teacher and college professor) find pleasure in helping others through this process.I know not everyone is like me, and I’m sure you don’t want to be classified into categories by strangers either. However, I’m going to do that now.  I will say that you did evoke emotion from your article (I took some things maybe too personal), so I will classify you as a good writer, and I wish you nothing but the best with your book and future endeavors.

Best wishes.

[redacted]

So I responded but I forgot to include that I in no way feel this or any job is beneath me. Quite frankly if it meant feeding and sheltering my family, I’d muck stalls, work retail in holiday season with all of those wonderful self-righteous, and overly entitled customers, and/or pretty much whatever I had to do that was an honest living. 

Below my rushed response, hopefully with out to much of a know it all” heavy handed response. 

I really appreciate your getting back to me and I thank you for the complement.  I also agree that no one likes to be classified especially with little information. If you are interested in a couple recruiting suggestion from someone who has spent a very long time doing it, why not try a more honest approach. It has always worked better for me. Recruiting is sales and it is much easier to sells something that you believe. So one suggestion would be to not start off with an opening like “Your resume was handed to me by a colleague of mine”. See you have already lost me in your opening sentence. Now maybe it is technically true. You could have a sourcer you are friends with that handed you my resume. But it is clearly meant to sound like this was a connection made through networking and/or possible mutual interconnections, when more likely it was scraped or sourced through a resume bank or Linkedin. Now you sound sincere in your response, and actually passionate about helping people. Trust me I know plenty of people that fall into the categories you described. Heck I myself just quit a 20 year career in HR because I hated it. In fact it was the third time I have quit. One of which was to teach. Now I taught HS English lit, but in Grad school I did teach a semester of middle school, so you get extra points in my book for surveying that age group. The problem is, as you know you want to build trust in your candidates. This is especially true in an industry like yours where the salary is likely 100% commission based or at best a draw against commission. Which having worked in the world of placement recruiting I know from personal experience can be quite a scary thing, especially if you are used to a salaried, exempt paycheck. So in your case trust is even more vital. You are probably loosing far more candidates then your realize because most people smart and savvy enough to make a good fit for your position are likely to realize you most probabbly stretched the truth in your first sentence. I would probably use something like (and please understand I am shooting front the hip here and would finesse it) – I came across your resume and see you have a lot of skills that would be transferable to my industry. If you are unhappy in your current position and want to take more control over your financial future, I have an opportunity that could be a great fit. I would love the opportunity to talk to you more about it. – Now if I am truly not interested, you haven’t turned me off, since I feel like you are being honest with me. Maybe even your email will stick with me because of that and I would be more open to future possibilities. Also if I do happen to be in one of the positions your described, you have already started the most important part in the relationship building required for recruiting, building trust. This has always been my approach to recruiting and I have spent years training recruiters and hiring managers the same thing.

I would never suggest a robotic approach. Recruiting is about relationships and relationships are built on trust. Speak from the heart, speak honestly. When you get the bites and the conversation, talk about your experiences, helping people transition from careers they hate, to ones where they had more control over their own destiny. And of course the people you have helped that have been unemployed, going through a divorce or recently divorced, and how you are passionate about helping people turn their lives around. Personally insurance is not for me, but that approach would have caught my attention. I hated HR, I wanted to take control of my life. So an opening like that would have gotten my attention. Even if I knew it wasn’t for me, an open, honest approach like that, would have stuck with me. I would likely have added you to my linkedin connections and when I had someone come to me for career help, which is all to often in today’s day an age, there is a good chance I would have remembered you and sent them your way if I thought it was a fit. Then in their case, instead of saying this amorphous, most likely nonexistent person, sent me your resume. You could say Corey Feldman passed me your resume and thought it would be a good idea for us to connect and see if we can find a mutually beneficial position for you…

My approach to recruiting has always been very successful. The reason is simple,  I was always honest. I sold the real positions, warts and all. Before taking a job my candidates (throughout my career) knew all the positives and the negatives of the job.  Consequently my retention rate was always very high. One of the recruiting accomplishments I am most proud of was very early in my HR career. I was the Recruiter/Employee Relations person, and would even help out as an operations manager. It was a chain with about 250 employees on site. When I took over HR, they were 70% staffed with a turnover rate twice the industry standard. Within 14-15 months the staff levels were never below 95% and the turnover rate was 1/2 the industry standard.  Now early on I got challenged if positions didn’t fill as fast as they had before and I had to educate the powers that be, and thankfully even at a young age I had the confidence to do so (and my only responsibilities were to myself and cat). But in a pretty quick period of time, when it was obvious my methods worked, by the fact the fill rate went from a 70% average to above a 95% average and turnover dropped by an insane percentage, there was no more defending my actions. Yes, I took longer to make a placement, but those placements mostly stayed. So soon when we were well staffed no one cared if I spent an extra week filling a position since we were in such better shape to handle it. This not only helped staffing, but now we had staff that was there for long enough to be true assets to the company. It positively impacted sales, and literally helped put a new face on this location.

Now I don’t know how you are compensated, but I would guess its some sort of piece of the commission based on sales of your placements. You target the right people and make sure they know the good and bad so they can make that informed choice to take the offer.  These are the the ones that stick around and produce, especially if they stay past the average learning curve. Your income increases as well, and you get to help more people and truly help them by find them a position that actually fits them. If that’s not how your compensated, and you try my way, show them the numbers. The production rates of your hires compared to others, the turnover rates, and the reduced cost of training. Even if you are in some sort of salaried position or flat rate compensation approach, if you can demonstrate the positive impact you are having on the companies growth, sales, and profits, so negotiating bonuses and raises becomes a whole lot easier.

My two cents, for whatever it is worth to you.

Corey Feldman

There response 

Hey Corey,

I honestly enjoyed reading your email, and I’ll take your points into much consideration. I wish I had more time on my hands to continue this conversation as I honestly do find it interesting. However, in order to make a proper response I would need MUCH more time than I feel comfortable giving while on the clock.

I wish you nothing but the best, and if you ever change your mind (Which I highly doubt). Or if you find someone who is interested in selling insurance, I’d be happy to talk to them.

My office line is [Redacted] and my cell phone is [Redacted].

Best wishes with the book,

[Redacted]

And my final response 

I just sent you a linkedin connection and I hope you take me up on it. I believe you when you say you’re passionate about helping people. While I think your approach is dead wrong, and you could do much better with mine. I liked your response enough to connect and trust you want to help people so I will send you people I think might be a fit for your industry. In my linkedin request I mentioned that I plan on blogging our conversation. I will of course redact any identifying information. If you do have time later and want to explain why you feel your approach is the right want to start a relationship, I will update the post. And again, I will be happy to refer people to you. Obviously they need to have a comfort with sales and commission based living, strong people skills, but if you have any other traits your are really looking for (since I am putting faith in you that you do care about people and are not a fill a hole at any cost recruiter) let me know what they are and I will keep that in mind.

Corey.

A follow up to my Why I Hate HR piece: Recruiters stop spamming

*Update at bottom*

Here is an email I just sent out – names redacted to protect the possibly innocent and stupid. It’s a taste of what I hate about much of the recruiting done today.

Dear whoever reads this and could possibly pass this it on to the powers that be at your organization,

Look, I used to recruit, both as a corporate recruiter and a placement recruiter, so I get how hard it can be. But I have unsubscribed from your list and I am not even in Human Resources anymore. Besides your emails are verging on, if they are not actually spam. They certainly aren’t directed based on my skill set. Theoretically (if poorly titled) one job, if it were not about 80 minutes away (on a good traffic day) *might* be a fit. Though I highly doubt it pays anywhere near what my experience and past pay would warrant. I do love the timing of this though as I just wrote an article entitled Why I Hate HR: An insiders Perspective. Since it has been spreading rapidly, I am considering expanding it into a book. If I do so, I will be including a whole section recruiting and this  this sort of recruiting in particular, which is most likely spam. In fact I would say your company crossed the spam line by falling to respect my unsubscribe request. See all I do typically when I see an email from [redacted] is hit delete. Now if I get anything other than a real response to this email, I will simply be blocking your IP and report your IP to as many blacklisting services as I can now that I have unsubscribe and clearly said I do not want these emails that are at best tangentially related to my 20 years of Sr. HR Management and are really nothing more than spam. Now I get it, emails are cheap and a computer that spits out a list based on keywords then auto delivers, might actually generate some placements, given a broad enough distribution list. Which is why spam is so successful. It’s easy to spit out emails at the cost of electricity and hopefully get enough suckers that an essentially automated process can be a money generator. Of course if enough people block and/or report the email and your domain, your IP gets blacklisted and your emails go nowhere. Now for the spammers, they don’t care. An IP and a new domain is a cheap cost of doing “business”.  Now I am going to give your company the benefit of the doubt that you are a legitimate recruiting company, following some silly and poorly thought out company policy – see  Why I Hate HR: An insiders Perspective. If I’m wrong, OK, I’ll get another email from you with a list of jobs, report you as spammers and block your IP.  If I am right, and this is just another example of the kind of recruiting I know happens all too commonly, see you in the dead trees and/or ebook world. Now if you aren’t a spammer and you really do want your clients and candidates to trust your brand, stop it! Unlike the spammers that can use lists and black/grey market connections and could care less about their public brand, a true recruiting company will live and die by its reputation. So while yes, to quote P.T Barnum, or more likely David Hannah’s sardonic critique of Barnum and his customers, “There’s a sucker born every minute”  if that is truly your business model, you can go ahead and expect a short term cash win at the expense of the financial game and any chance you have a building a legitimate brand, respect and long term sustainability.

Thank you,

Corey Feldman

And once again, please unsubscribe me from your job list.

A slightly redacted and reformatted version of their email below

On Oct 21, 2013, at 10:03 AM, [redacted] wrote:

10 new jobs for Corey

View All Jobs | Modify Job Search Criteria

Human Resources Manager – Physician Services

Towson, MD

View Job

Business Office Associate

Laurel, MD 20723

View Job

Human Resource Representative

Chicago, IL

View Job

Business Office Associate (part-time)

Laurel, MD 20723

View Job

Retail Associate Manager

Woodbridge, VA 22191

View Job

Human Resources Administrator

McLean, VA 22102

View Job

Office Manager / Medical Billing Manager

San Jose, CA 95116

View Job

TOP PAY FOR EXPERIENCED MEDICAL SENIOR HUMAN RESOURCE ADMINISTRATOR IN NYC.

New York, NY

View Job

Business Office Manager

Mansfield, TX

View Job

Human Resources Generalist

Stamford, CT

View Job

See All Jobs

Please apply online to the opportunities you’re interested in.

Best Regards,

[redacted]

Register | Manage Profile

Update

The organization in question was kind enough to respond to my email. I’ll post it here, again, name redacted.

Corey,

 
That was a very extensive response, and I believe there are a lot of companies who are simply mass mailing for multiple purposes and just “throwing everything against the wall to see what sticks”.  We do not want to be grouped in with that crowd though.  It’s a tough balance.  We send candidates jobs that we try to target to their experience as much as possible, but sometimes that is more difficult than you’d think.  
 
Anyways, just wanted to shoot you a response and let you know that we are real.  We don’t charge for our services so we don’t normally get back to everyone with their requests but you did make some good points and I wanted to clear up that we’re not just an email machine.
 
Best of luck with your article and potential book.
 
- [redacted]

While I am glad she/he responded and I am very happy to hear that he/she does not want to be lumped in with a group of spammers. I honestly do hope that is the case and they take something from my email an eventual response.  As for their current practices I have serious doubts that there was any *human* attempt to target applicants to posistions. Here is why. Of the ten jobs listed, none really match my background and experience.  At best one, but even that I seriously doubt comes close to my required salary and while it is at least in the same state, it is not a practical commute. And I’m someone who spent the last 11 years commuting between Maryland and Virginia in one of the worst traffic areas in the country.  But let’s look at the locations more closely. Of the ten, as I mentioned, the one with closest (in a game of horseshoe) fit, while in the right state,  is not a realistic commute. Five of the ten would actually require relocation (none of which are high enough level positions that they would likely warrant relocation assistance, if I was even open to such a possibility). Now while I can’t blame them for the two Northern Virginia locations since they couldn’t know I hate crossing the Potomac River and my last two HR positions were in Northern Virginia, but when you look at the actual positions, one isn’t even in Human Resources. Nor are the 2 that are actually a reasonable commute by the way.  In fact of the 10 jobs listed only half of them are actual HR positions. Because no, office administrators and managers are not HR Pros (another chapter for my book!). So of those four, basing it on job titles (which admittedly are not always spot on), the positions seems to range from entry to low/mid level with one possible middle management and/or sole practitioner type position. I find it highly unlikely that any of these positions were remotely targeted by anyone who has read my resume. Either this was a computer generated list based on keywords, or the sourcer would have difficultly passing a Turning test.

Another thing regarding his/her response “We send candidates jobs that we try to target to their experience as much as possible, but sometimes that is more difficult than you’d think.” That is a load of baloney. First did he/she miss the part were I mentioned I have worked in both corporate and placement recruiting? So I do know exactly how how hard it can be to find the right qualified candidate for a position. But here is the thing, that IS your job. I am a big fan of technology and I can data mine with the best of them. But never once did I email a candidate for a position without at least looking at a resume.  And for sourcing we aren’t even talking about the minute or three it might take to decide if this is someone  you might want to actually interview interview. For sourcing it should’t take more than 30 seconds to scan a resume to make sure you are at least in the ballpark. I love technology, and here is where I show just how big of a geek I am.   I have been rolling my own computers since the early 90′s. My fastest Mac is a Hackintosh (software licensee  for the OS bought and paid for).  And yes, I do find the command line often faster than GUI.  Ok if you look at my home office I’m a Mac. Nice big iMac, with iPhone and iPad right in front. Of course my powerhouse is my backup office, where my trusty Hackintosh can triple boot into OS X, Windows 7, and Centos 6.4. I have Android, Debian, and Ubuntu as virtual machines. I do have an offsite mac server, but my other servers on linux based. I can play with all the Linux flavors but prefer Centos for production environments.  I couldn’t count then number of database applications I have built over the years, including one for a government agency as a stopgap until they could implement a larger system. I love technology, but here is the things. Computers are dumb. They will do what you tell them to do, not what you want them to do. We have been promised AI for almost, if not as long as flying cars.  To be honest when it comes to true Artificial Intelligence, I’m not holding my breath until I see real quantum computer breakthroughs. So I don’t care how much you paid for that amazing piece of analytical HR software, real recruiting requires human beings looking for more than buzz words.

And as for “It’s a tough balance” , no it isn’t. If you are basing your business model on taking so many requisitions that you or your company can’t handle the load enough to spend 30 seconds on a resume, you aren’t doing it right. There is this little thing in business called past performance.  That spaghetti at the wall approach might make you a quick buck short term, but you can’t make it work long term in this business. And sorry despite your protestations, the positions I have routinely been sent, clearly were spaghetti at the wall recruiting.  Now I know some areas are harder than others. There can be educational gaps, geographical issues, not enough of x and to many of y. But unemployment is horrendous. It is so bad, that it is starting to look good, as people still can’t find decent jobs, fall of state benefits and stop being counted in the unemployment numbers. But at the end of the day it is just not that hard to find qualified candidates for most positions in most areas.  But if your approach is to sit back and spend your time trying to get a computer to find you the right candidate, when it doesn’t actually understand the keywords its searching for, you blow one of the most important things you can have in this business, trust. Candidates stop trusting or looking at your emails, and other than the lucky hits, eventually your past performance overall will tank.

I am also glad to hear you don’t charge for your services. First off, I personally don’t believe a candidate should ever pay.  It should always fall to the company. Sure, write in a payback clause into their offer letter or employment contract should they not stay a certain period of time.  And while I know some head hunters do charge candidates for high level placements, any anyone that would even attempt to charge a candidate money without least a signed contract/offer letter for a new job, should be up on fraud charges.

Why I hate HR – An Insiders Prospective

This post is a long time in coming, but it is time. See, I have left HR for the third time in my career. What’s the saying, the third time is a charm? I guess we will see. OK, so I spent about 20 years in HR, which means I must have started shortly after my Bar Mitzvah. Contrary to that last statement I am actually really good at math. Which brings me back to part of the reason I hate HR. Too many HR people completely suck at math or, well, anything business-related. I can’t tell you how many HR Pros I have met over the years at conferences and seminars that literally could barely explain the basics of their company’s operations. And yes, growing up in this area I can confidently tell the difference between the ones who can’t tell me because they don’t know and the ones who, well, just can’t tell me. It’s kinda like in the days before more advanced digital telephone lines, I knew that the phone company truck outside the phone box near my parents’ house, and a couple of foreign dignitaries and diplomats, wasn’t really fixing that same phone box 24/7.

But back to the math and business. For those 20 years you could hear the constant whine about wanting a seat at the table. I’m not sure how so many of them expected to get a seat at the table when they had no idea exactly what their business did. Nor did many understand math well enough to grasp things like budgets, projections, and return on investments. The worst part is that a fundamental part of HR is risk management; How the heck can you even do that if the notion of statistics hurts your brain? If you want to do real risk management for a company, know the statistical likelihood that X +Y = Z and the mean, median, mode, and range of cost of Z. Then show the statistical cost of G by doing A+B instead. And don’t stop at direct costs. Know the statistical likelihood that if Z does happens that it may lead to P, D, and I. Then make sure you know the likely cost of P, D and I. Also know if you do A+B as recommended, what are the probabilities that you might still face P, D, I, and/or Z. And of course you need to know how much lower (if you are actually paying attention to the statistics) the cost of G, P, D, I, and Z (revised) would be if A+B demonstrates good faith effort or whatever mitigating factor might be at play. No, depending on your company culture and the communication style of the final decision maker, you likely won’t have to show your math, but you better be able to do it to present an accurate risk assessment. If that hurts your brain, then you shouldn’t be in HR or HR as it exists today shouldn’t be… Now if you are in HR and do not have a J.D., repeat after me: you are not a lawyer. That said, you better darn well know as much about employment law as your average employment practice attorney and still know an actual E.P. attorney that knows more than you. And while we are on that subject, Google may be your friend, but reading the actual codes and laws is what saves your company’s bacon. I know this might come as a shock to some HR Pros out there, but you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.

Which brings be to another reason I hate HR. Too many of you are a bunch of Google Stalkers. I know, you “can” check you biases at the door, or much, much worse, you think you don’t have any. Stop it! If you don’t have more to do with your time than check out your employees’ and candidates’ Foursquare, Facebook, Twitter, and/or blogging activity, you have way too much time on your hands and should be doing a staff cost analysis and reduction in force. Hey, you just saved your company 100k in salary and more in benefits by eliminating at least one FTE. Here is the bigger problem: you are just too darn likely to come across protected information that you might not otherwise have known and that could very well come back to bite you on backside. Then there is the whole issue of context. I don’t remember the specifics, and it doesn’t really matter because it’s a great example of context and either too much time on someone’s hands or poor management skills, but employee Joe calls out sick. HR “Pro” Pat has way too much time on his/her hands and sees that Joe checked into Home Depot on Foursquare. Employee Joe was then counseled for inappropriately calling out sick. This example is based on a real incident that gained some press a year or two ago. I have no idea what, if any, due diligence the real HR Pro did before actually counseling the real Joe, but either way, the HR Pro needed to be counseled, trained, or terminated. This person had way too much time on his or her hands and there should probably have been some staff reorganization. OK maybe that isn’t the entire situation. Maybe Joe has a real attendance issue, not covered or protected by FMLA or ADA and/or outside of a reasonable accommodation. Internet stalking Joe is not the way to handle an attendance issue. HR and/or Operations needs to manage Joe’s attendance. Period. And for the record, who the hell cares if he was at Home Depot? Maybe it was an intestinal issue and he ended up with a plumbing emergency. Maybe his/her issue was emotional which, by the way, doesn’t make it any less medical. Or maybe he/she was sick enough to know he/she wouldn’t be productive at work and didn’t want to waste the company’s money by showing up and not being able to do his/her job. I certainly remember being single with a 101 fever and running to the store because there was no one else to do it. These are not related issues. You don’t know the context and unless there is an absenteeism issue, you don’t need to know. If there is an absenteeism issue, work with Operations to manage it, coach, counsel, and if that doesn’t work, terminate. Then there are accuracy issues when it comes to the internet. As I mentioned above, not everything you read on the tubes is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me – separation of church and state. Did you know I once had a, I don’t know, is there a word between a friend and acquaintance? Close enough to exchange some emails, and more Facebook comments and tweets, and to have a drink or two with at a conference once every couple years, and still be worried enough for her to think to text me after that Metro accident a while back to make sure I wasn’t on the train. Anyway, this person and I had an odd falling out. Turns out she is less than stable. Smart and well spoken, but off her rocker nonetheless. She actually went to the trouble of using LinkedIn to find my boss’s contact information and made up a bunch of lies about me. Thankfully it was clear to my boss from their communication that she was playing with less than a full deck. OK so my point in regards to what you see on the internet is actually connected to this story by more than just that she used an internet service to screw with me. In my career I have seen some pretty crazy stuff, not to mention as a writer I can let my mind wander to places I would never dream of taking my body. I am also very technically savvy. But even without any heavy duty internet lifting, your average user could, should they be so vindictive for little to no money, do much worse. You could use Tor (knowing is vulnerabilities) or an unsecured WiFi hotspot where there are no cameras or where you are out of the line of sight of the cameras, get a free email address from any of a million places, then setup a Facebook, Twitter, and/or other social media account. Heck, if you really want to get creative and don’t mind spending a relatively minor about of money, you can even register a domain name (maybe something along the lines of [insert name of person you hate].com/net/me/info with bitcoins (also knowing its weaknesses). You can further hide your IP with VPN services that are paid for via bitcoins and even get a web host that accepts bitcoins. Then spend a few minutes collecting pictures on Google or elsewhere and start posting to the social media accounts and/or the fictitious website, and you have now stolen someone’s internet identity. Then have fun with Photoshop, or that thing that is mightier than the sword (I think they call it a keyboard now) and you can make anyone look however you want to the world. If done right, it would be nearly, if not impossible, to track. Sadly there are people that vindictive in the world. Now I am not saying that a company shouldn’t be keeping an eye on the company’s social media profile. They should! Now if you happen to come across an employee disparaging the company’s reputation or products, you may then have grounds to fire or counsel. Of course you still need to tread lightly. One person disparaging the company or company product alone – well, that *might* be safe to term or counsel. But if you happen to have two employees, then it could very likely fall into what is known as protected concerted activity and it doesn’t matter that you aren’t unionized. The National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) can and has brought suit for this against non-unionized companies. And even if it is only one person and therefore not engaged in protected concerted activity, depending on what is being said, there could be whistle-blower protections; And if you have taken action against him/her, you have now lost on retaliation. But again, know the law, at least as well as your average employment practice attorney, and know an employment practice attorney that knows even more than you do. Because in a lot of cases that kind of activity can and should be terminable. But it needs to be done right, by the book, and with appropriate due diligence.

Which brings me to the next reason I hate HR. Counselings are not tools for termination. And for that matter stop calling them counselings. It is corrective action. You lay out the issue, you present the expectations, and you give constructive ways to help the employee correct his/her actions and set reasonable goals and benchmarks. You follow through. Yes, some people just need to be fired. Use your brain. If they have a standard issue(s), you follow your normal verbal, written, final, term-type corrective action policy. If they do something incredibly stupid, then skip a step or two and give them a final corrective action or boot them out the door. Yes, your documentation is your legal defense. But that is not it’s primary purpose. First, it is a tool to correct behavior, then it is your defense. But here is the thing – documents needs to be real, verifiable (or of a clearly established pattern following the reasonable person standard), and the story needs to stay the same. If your story changes mid-EEOC investigation, get out the company checkbook and fire and/or be fired.

Yes, firing people sucks, but if you want a career in HR, get used to it. Which brings me to another reason I hate HR. Here is a cheat if you ever find yourself interviewing with me for an HR position. When I eventually ask you why you want to go into HR or why you like HR, or anything else along those lines, and you tell me because you like working with people or helping people, you may not know it but the interview is over. You want a job helping people? Go be a social worker, teacher, police officer, fire fighter, clergy member, or social advocate – pretty much anything but HR. HR Pros, please stop hiring people that tell you that is the reason they want a career in HR, even if it is why you went into HR before you became jaded. HR wannabes, your job isn’t to help people. Sometimes you get to and that is awesome, but your job is to protect the best interests of the company. Now, in today’s litigious society and Google “lawyers” those two things can often overlap. Not to mention that anyone can contact their state or the federal EEO office, for free, make any allegation they want, then the government has to inquire into the matter, at no charge to the employee, only the tax payer, and the company has to defend it. And to make things better, if you are silly enough to retaliate against the employee in any way, even if the employee looses on the initial claim, you have already lost what is likely to be a very expensive retaliation case. Because yes, it is still illegal to retaliate even if you win the original charge.

Which brings me to another reason I hate HR. There are actually a lot of HR people that have the appropriate knowledge for their position. I have heard them at conferences and on blogs. Then I find out they are “do as I say, not as I do” managers. A great example of this was at the SHRM conference of 2009 in one of my favorite cities, New Orleans. MMMM chicory coffee and beignets. I was at a social media class mostly dealing with possible legal implications. There was a lot of debate back and forth about why it is and isn’t okay to Google-stalk. I will never forget one lady vehemently arguing for it. Now agree or disagree with my advice on Google-stalking employees, but here is a suggestion. If you are pro Google-stalking, and openly talk about how important it is to know employees’ and candidates’ “judgement”, it might not be the best idea to get plastered on Bourbon Street and flash for beads – just saying. Back to the topic at hand. Besides the “do as I say” managers, there are also the ones that know better but never learned to control their reactions. Now I know this isn’t just in HR; It is all too common of people in general. I probably hate it so much because I know it was a skill I fought long and hard to develop and will hopefully someday perfect. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hot head, but I’m not perfect and I know few who are, especially when it comes to this skill. But because it is so systemic and very much an element of the human condition, it is HR’s job to step back and help the powers that be make the choice from a calm and rational perspective. Slow down, get the facts, investigate, do your due diligence, and present it clearly and calmly.

Which, I suppose, leads me to another reason I hate HR. Too many HR Pros don’t have the fortitude to stand up to the powers that be. This is an essential element to anyone who heads an HR department. Maybe your boss is a scumbag. Maybe they just don’t know the law. You do, or you should if you have VP/EVP/CHRO or whatever in your title. Your job is to protect the entire company, even from itself. If you can’t do that, don’t take on the head HR role.

So to summarize and finalize why I hate HR, too damn many of you are still, after all these years, clamoring for a seat at the table. Yet you don’t learn the business or the skills to understand it. You don’t keep up with technology. You don’t keep up with what, in many cases, are rapidly changing laws. If you do, you don’t follow them or get the powers that be to buy into why it is in their best interest to follow them. If you did, maybe – just maybe – you will be taken seriously. And that, by the way, is actually how you get that seat at the table. So if you do want to be taken seriously, learn statistics, learn your business, stop wasting company resources Google-stalking, know employment law inside and out, and act like a leader. And stop throwing birthday parties, leading seminars at expensive and supposedly professional national industry events, and teaching fluff pseudoscience and pop psychology – what animal, color, shape are you/team building/waste of everyone’s time and the company’s money games.

Book signing/Reading at the Cabin John Mall Atrium in Potomac, MD – Sun Oct 6th – 12-4:30

This Sunday, October 6th I will be at the Cabin John Mall Atrium from 12-4:30 reading and signing my latest Egret The Elephant book – Egret the Elephant: Volume 2. I will have the first edition of Volume 1 there as well (on sale). For those that don’t know, Egret is a 5 year old elephant who loves to dance, especially under the moon. She loves her family, friends and adventures. Each volume contains beautifully illustrated stories, told in verse, that are perfect for bedtime stories. While light hearted and fun, the stories teach valuable lessons of life, love, dreams, and friendships. Great for children of all ages!

I will also have my Metaphysical/Kabbalah novelette there as well. While The Sexton and the Reaper is fantasy, involving ghosts, Angles, and Mysticism, at its heart it is a very human story about love, friendship and the human condition.

Book Reading Beth Sholom ECC – Monday September 30, 2013

On Monday I will be reading to each class at the Beth Sholom ECC.  If your kids are at the Beth Sholom ECC and you would like to purchase copies of Egret the Elephant: Volume 1 and/or Volume 2, please go to http://www.coreyjfpublishing.com/shop/category/egret-the-elephant-series/

If you want a signed copy, please put any special requests in the box under the product when you select it. When you go to check out, make sure you click the top radio button that says “Event Pickup” to avoid shipping charges.

On a special note. Egret the Elephant: Volume 1 Edition 1 is on sale, while supplies last.

8 years and 2 kids later – Happy Anniversary Love

I read a lot of anniversary posts on blogs and Facebook.  Most seem to paint what I have to believe is an unrealistic representation of their realities.  Heck I have even seen those flowery, X years of perfect marriage posts with couples who seperate that same year.  So that’s not what I am posting. It’s been 8 years and about an hour or so.  There have been a lot of ups and downs. Good times and bad. Financial challenges and more comfortable times.  We have said things we don’t mean and have neglected to say things we do. It’s been 8 years of tremendous change. From where we live (OK we are still close to Tuckerman, just now on the Potomac side instead of the condo in the Gables), to our circle of friends, work and family ties.  We lost two cats and added 1. OK Sebastian was before we were married.  We brought two amazing children into this world. We work hard to nurture the better qualities they got from us and mitigate the worst. We have gone from very secular lives to belonging to a Modern Orthodox Shul. My path has taken me farther and faster down that road, and I acknowledge and am sorry for the challenges that has created for us at times.  We don’t always communicate the way we should. That is a fault on both of our ends.  I am not airing dirty laundry in this post, you know how your communication needs to change and I know the same for mine.  Let’s face it, neither of us are angles. And while we are very different in many ways we do have some incredibly important similarities.  One of the most important ones is a desire to grow and change. To be better people, spouses and parents.  Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we fight. Sometime we let our egos get in the way. We have other similarities as well. Sometimes that can be a challenge. I mean is it even genetically possible that are kids won’t inherent a stubborn streak?

But personally I think the differences are a large part of the real strength of our marriage. They compliment each other.  I don’t care what meds I take or what dosage it is at, I will always be ADD.  That means I can go from the absent minded professor to the obsessed workaholic that barely realizes I have been working and/or creating for 36 hour straight. You, my love, are order in a bottle.  Powerfully frustrating for both of us at times, but the crucial balance we both need to, well, find balance.  I know its hard to always see, but I do learn and benefit from your order and control. And you my love benefit from my spontaneity and ability to let life happen. Sometimes it is OK to through the plan out the window. What’s the saying – we plan and Hashem laughs.  You spend too much time in your body and I spend too much time in my head. But together, united, we have an amazing mind/body ratio/balance. There is much more, but when it comes down to it, what I am really saying is, together we are more than the sum of our parts. So no false platitudes of perfection. Just the reality. I love you and you are a part of me. Sometimes my better half, sometimes not, but always my other half.

Happy Anniversary love.