Tosh Berman's Blog, page 171

Theodor Adorno - "Minima Moralia: Reflections From Damaged Life" (Verso)

ISBN: 978-1-84467-051-2 Verso Books
"Minima Moralia" is my first introduction to the writing and brain of Theodor Adorno. I, of course, heard of the Frankfurt School, but never read works by its writers/thinkers - except for Walter Benjamin, who I adore. And technically he knew these guys, but wasn't a "member." This book is the ultimate bathtub book. It took me at least ten bath sessions, and a few long bus rides till I finished this book.

153 segments stand alone as miniature essays on subject matters that deal with the political system, aesthetics, literature, music, and Hitler. Since he wrote this book during the war years and as an exile in California, one gets a very precise snapshot of what it's like for an intellectual to witness such a devasting loss. The end of civilization, or the entrance of hell. "Minima Moralia" would be a proper companion piece to Guy Debord's "Society of the Spectacle." Both writers are very different, but the format of the writing is similar. The prose is very dense, and often I had to re-read passages. There are countless cultural references in Adorno's text -from classical works to pop culture of Germany/U.S.A/Europe of the time he wrote this work. The book analyzes the system that made things go wrong but doesn't have an answer to the problem. What comes through is an intelligent writer who is bitter, angry and very critical of the world as it lays out in front of him.

February 5, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)

February 5, 2017
I went for a walk in Downtown Los Angeles, mostly to clear my head.  In my depressive mode, I tend to walk in that neighborhood for the architecture, bars, and to look at the people.  I have to admit that I haven't been happy ever since the President got elected.   I thought I had it in with the Stephen Bannon connection, but like everything else in my life, I'm often invited to the table with the big guys, but of course, it's at the end of the table by the toilets or exit.  It's discouraging because I just want to support myself as a writer, and of course, as a community project, build a Trump statue.  The truth is I don't even like Trump.   I just wanted to do something to bring the country back together again.  For awhile, I was toying with an idea of having a statue made of Trump shaking hands with Hilary Clinton.  But again, I was discouraged by friends and foes who say that is a horrible idea.   I was even open-minded to make a statue of Trump and Putin shaking hands - and that too didn't go off well in my community or the board members (my wife and mom) of my foundation.  
I suspect everything is turning from bad to worse, which is causing me grave feelings of insecurity and depression.  The funny thing is when an election is over, and the guy or girl wins; everyone is Ok, maybe things will get better.  But for whatever reasons, everyone is stressed out or even suffering from anxiety of all sorts.   My soul purpose is to get rid of this sense of loss or feelings of apprehensiveness.  As I walk up Broadway without being conscious of where I am going, I came upon a group of really cute girls.   They were carrying signs.  "Water is Life."  "Pipelines are War Crimes."  I found myself in a March regarding the Standing Rock Indian Reservation and the plan to build the South Dakota Pipeline, on Native American land.  I didn't plan to be there, but here I was, walking among them.   
I realize it's fate that I'm here.  Perhaps the statue is not going to bring people together, but the process of going on marches is what is going to unite us.   As I walk with these people, which first, seemed to be a hundred or so, but more come, block-by-block, that hundred turns to a thousand.  Or perhaps more!  It's an incredible feeling to be with the masses, after spending so much time alone, just thinking about my stupid statue project and my useless writing.  I discover the two most important things in life is being with a vast population for one cause for all, and of course, on Facebook.  Is my happiness around the corner? 

January 31, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)

January 31, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)
This past week, I wrote several emails to Stephen Bannon, and not once, had he returned my correspondence to him.   I suspect he's a rude man.  Since I got back from Washington DC, I have been sitting in the front of my blank laptop screen and listening to David Ezra Okonsar playing the piano works of Pierre Boulez and Xenakis.   Post-modern thought needs post-modern music.   
A lot of my friends are kind of mad at me because I attempted to organize a non-profit for both the Trump statue and my writing.  I need to study Hubbard's technique in starting an organization because I'm truly failing in that department.    In theory where there is a crisis taking place, and that is apparently happening, the writing should be coming through loud and clear.  I'm no Adorno, but I can have a good thought now and then.  
I do have two board members committed to my foundation.  I called a meeting with my mom and wife, and they are both free for the meeting.  My wife, who is a foreigner has a hard time reading my writings, due that it's not that interesting for her.   My mother is convinced that one only needs to read the first paragraph and the last to get the 'drift' of the piece.   Both are solid board members, but so far they haven't contributed to the yearly board fee.   I now wonder if I should have offered Stephen Bannon a discount?   I don't think it's a good idea because then I would have to give my mom and wife a discount as well.  
Also, I should mention that my idea to organize volunteers for the Trump wall between the United States of America and the country of Mexico is not going so hot either.  I went door-to-door in my neighborhood, and pretty much everyone was very hostile to that idea.  My one and only friend who is a Trump supporter, as well as giving me Bannon's personal e-mail address, showed some interest.  The thing is, his anger is really negative.   He spends his entire energy into the 'send Hillary to prison' movement.    He told me he's often totally wiped out by the early morning (he stays up late) due to tracking down information on Hillary's criminal record through various news websites. The news items that he sends me connects the Clinton Foundation to the assassination of John and Robert Kennedy.   Part of that Texas/Russia/Alabama connection that keeps coming up.   For some, the battle is never over.  Even when there is a prison, and they have a prisoner inside the prison cell - some people are never satisfied.  My friend is that why.   Meanwhile, I will try to stay focus on my end of the world.  Which at this time, is not much happening. 

Ludwig Wittgenstein "Lectures and Conversations" Edited by Cyril Barrett

ISBN: 0-520-01354-9 University of California PressAs someone who writes, in other words, tries to put the images that are in my mind as words on a page - I, of course, have a profound respect for the writings of Ludwig Wittgenstein. Not the easiest philosopher to follow or understand, but personally speaking, he's the most rewarding with respect to my writing. The beauty of his thought is not the end of the process, but the journey itself. I often think that Wittgenstein is struggling to make himself understandable to his readers and students.
"Lectures & Conversations" is an absorbing book. It's ironic that it's a book about communicating what you think, but here, it is being filtered and written down as notes by his students in Cambridge in the 1930s. The primary focus of this small book is aesthetics. In how one sees something and how they describe that experience. In this part of the book alone, there are two students' notes of the lecture, which is interesting because you're getting the same information (we think), but the fact that it is two separate people, how they process that information. So overall the book is about what Wittgenstein is stating, bu then how that information or his thoughts are being dealt with in a lecture format.
The other subject matters in this book are psychology and religious belief. Wittgenstein reading Freud is a mind-bending experience. The landscape is so huge, and Wittgenstein I feel works best in a smaller context. For instance, what is on the table, and what does that mean to you? He didn't comment on that, but I'm just using that as an example, compared to the meaning of dreams.
Since I have been reading off and on, Wittgenstein, for the past five years or so, I can see his presence in my work. I don't fully grasp everything he writes or lectures about, but I get the 'drift.' In his nature, he writes like a poet, who thinks logically. I'm a fan of Wittgenstein.

January 26, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)

January 26, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)

Stephen Bannon.  The man who rejected me, but I didn't dear sir, rejected you.  My understanding is that he's very much the architect of Donald Trump's vision.  In a way, he's like Mick Ronson to David Bowie or Billy Strayhorn to Duke Ellington.  Without Bannon, Trump may not be able to do what he must do, whatever that is?

When the country is under stress, it's best to do things that will bring the country back together.  A sense of focus.  It's crucial for all of us to chose the path, and all must follow it to the conclusion.  Therefore I thought maybe I should forget about building a statue in honor of Trump, but instead, help him build the wall between Mexico and the United States.  Because without a doubt, this wall will very much be the lasting tribute to Trump.  I suspect that the wall itself, once built, will be called "Trump Wall."  Not very poetic, but easy to remember.

As I sat in my living room, with a glass of cold beer (been drinking early in the day), I have thought what I can do as a citizen.   Should I volunteer to help build the wall?  It's going to expensive.  Maybe organize a fund-raiser for the wall?   For sure, I don't think our taxes should pay it.  Citizens should be paying this wall by either donating their services, serving cold beer on the sidelines, or supplying the tools such as shovels, tractors, and so forth.  There is no reason why this can't be a positive thing, with all of us, working together.

January 24, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)

January 24, 2017
The last couple of days has been hard.  I hitchhiked back to Los Angeles after going to Washington DC in the hopes of seeing Stephen Bannon, who either refused to see me or just forgot about me.   More likely just a  member of the forgotten category in his life.   It was hard getting back, and I will never hit the road like that in such a manner where I have to depend on the kindness of strangers with a moving vehicle. 
On top of that, I got a cold.  At times, when I feel sorry for myself, I felt the cold was my just reward for trying to do something positive in this world.   I won't give up the Trump statue idea, but I will put it on the back burner for now.   I suspect in four years there will be various statues of Trump throughout the country.   Who knows, perhaps when he passes away (he's mortal), they will build a huge Trump Memorial in Washington DC.   Or at the very least, change the name of the XL and Dakota Access oil pipelines as  "The Trump Life Lines."  
At the moment, I have to make some hard decisions regarding my writing career.  Should I start up a non-profit organization focusing on me and my writings?  It's manifestly obvious that my work is needed, and to advance my thoughts, writing, and philosophy I do need a board of directors.  Bannon didn't work out, but that is how the cookie crumbles.  Can't cry over spilled oil.   Also, I think I need to think locally, instead of nationally.  It's a big country out there, and I'm just a man with a brain with two legs, and two arms.   I can do a lot, but not as much as a rich man.  I have to accept my limits.   But within those limits, it is my property.   And I will master my territory.  

January 20, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)

January 20, 2017
Today sucks.  The whole trip sucked.   I suck.  They suck.  One big sucking noise.   First of all, I apologize for not keeping up the diary for the last couple of days.   To save dough, I had to hitchhike to Washington DC - and someone should have reminded me that hitchhiking in the winter is not the grandest idea.   I did dress warmly, but I should have purchased more socks at UNIQLO.  My shoes got wet, as well as the socks.  I was an idiot to wear Converse tennis shoes for this trip.  But I wanted to be comfortable.  Wrong.  I brought a few days of clothing with me, and two notebooks, and one working ball-point pen.   When I'm in a work mode, I live like a minimalist.  Not a well-designed minimalist mind you, but one who doesn't bring the extra dry pair of socks.   
The first impression of my trip to back east is that this country is not that hot.   I was hoping to see the grandness of the states I went through, but to be perfectly honest, it was mostly darkness due to the nighttime, and sleeping with my mouth wide open in someone's back seat, and then there was the truck.   A driver picked me up somewhere in Arizona and told me he was going to travel far, and I could stay in the back of his open air truck.  So I got rained and snowed on, and oddly enough I didn't get a cold. I think when one is determined like I'm, one doesn't get sick.  I have this strong Ayn Rand streak in me that I just go forward and hell with everything else. 
I arrived in Washington DC yesterday.  Dumpy town.  Parts of it looks like an abandoned movie set.  So it's cool in that fashion.  I arranged to go to an AirBnB which was a room with no furniture whatsoever.  I asked the owner if I could use the kitchen.  To give them credit, they were very straightforward and said "no" to me.   The same goes for the laundry.  "No."  What I did get was an empty room with no carpeting and the use of a toilet that was in a gas station a block away.  On the other hand, the price was pretty cheap.  So that's good.  
Once I got myself settled in the new place, I e-mailed Steve (Bannon) to let him know I'm here and ask him if he could meet me at Baja Fresh which is located at 1990 K St NW, Washington, DC 20006.   I thought it might be close to the Inauguration events, and therefore easier for him to get there.   He didn't respond.   I then added that I would treat him to lunch.   I gave him time and told him I'd be waiting for him.   
I easily found the restaurant and ordered a side dish of guacamole and chips.  Which I have to say is excellent.   One can taste the mixture of garlic and lime in the guacamole, which for me, made it unique.  Of course, the portion is small, so I mostly took my time by taking a bite every ten minutes or so.  And to be honest, I wasn't that hungry.  While sitting there, I took my notebook and pen out and wrote some notes to myself.  I knew it was important to get my ideas to Steve quickly because for sure he's a busy man.   But I just want to point out to him that I desire his services as a board member, and I should remind him that he's responsible for the finances of the non-profit, which again, is to serve me as a writer, with a side-project of building a Trump statue.  My goals are clear and even simple.   I feel confident that my 'pitch' is going to work well.  
I wrote to him to meet me at 1 PM.  As soon as it got to 1:30, I decided to write him another email from my I-Phone.   Just letting him know that I'm here, and if he wants me to order some food for him, so he doesn't have to waste time standing in line.   I wrote to him again at 2 PM.  Then another at 2:30.   At this point, I decided I should order a burrito and more chips because the people who work here are starting to give me those looks.  
Eventually, I ordered coffee after I ate the burrito.  I stayed there until 4 PM.  I compulsively checked my e-mails, but not one e-mail came to me, except notices from Pen USA to remind me to resubscribe.   There is that funny moment when one realizes that things are not going to work out today.  I left Baja Fresh, but first, I put in a $2 tip into their jar by their counter.   I then walked out into the wintery early evening. 

The Evening Series : VOL 5 (For Tom Neal)

I do love the pitter-patter of the rain tonight.  When there is a scent of moisture in the air, that is the time when I'm happy.  The dead bodies that lay throughout this house seem to me like it was from another time or even place.  What has been done has been done, and I can't cry over spilled milk.   I open the owner of this home's laptop and start writing in it.  I presume the authorities will read this in due time.  I may either check myself out or just leave the premise. 


Back to the rain.  Ever since I was a boy, I seem to feel great comfort in the storm.   The more it raged, and destroy, the more happiness came to my heart.   Even the leaks over my bed brought a sense of adventure to my life.   When I walk through an urban area, I often see a homeless person in a cardboard shelter, but you know that they are getting soaked.  I know what it's like to be wet and in a bed or sleeping area.   As a kid, I never wanted to fully wake-up, so the rain pitter-patter on my bed till it got soaked.  I just stayed in bed and counted the raindrops hitting my forehead. For some odd reason, I never got sick.   While walking I like looking at the wet streets reflecting the lights -it's like they are dancing on the pavement.   The sound of the rain is a beautiful piece of music.  Like millions of others, I feel like Gene Kelly in "Singing in the Rain."  I just want to dance till not only soaked but dead.   The end of time, the end of everything -it's blissful to be at that point. 
In a few days, there will be a new sheriff in the main house.  They're going to clean up Dodge and other towns.   Sadly, I won't be around much anymore.   Neither a lot of people.  No pun intended on the folks who lived in this home.   One thing I have notice is that it just takes only one incident to change everything.  You can plan.  Or you don't plan.  Still, just by having the stars set in a specific position can change one's presence, and I guess future as well.   One lesson I have learned is always to lock your door at night.  Even the most friendliest neighborhoods can have a tragedy take place.  It's always shocking.  I'm glad it's me that brought the news and not someone else.  
Well, I should mozy on.  It's getting late.  Don't want to bore the fans out there.  My hair is still wet from the rain.  Before I leave, I'll go to the bathroom and comb my hair into a sweet pompadour and then go into the night. 


- Tosh Berman

January 17, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)

January 17, 2017
Good news!  My Trump loving friend hooked me up with Stephen Bannon.  I wrote an email to my pal, and he promised to forward it to Bannon.  What I wrote to him was that I'm interested in having him be part of my Board of Directors to sponsor and support my writing.  And as an additional goal of the foundation will be to build a Trump statue in the Sliver Lake Meadows.  He wrote back to me, writing that he would be interested in meeting me, and if it's possible, could I come to the Inauguration this coming Friday.  As a guest of course, but I will have to pay for my flight, hotel bill, food and stuff like that.  But he said that I would be invited to the ball and one of the dinners that will take place that evening.   
I looked at my calendar for January 20, and I see I have nothing planned for that day, except to visit the Glendale Galleria to buy some much-needed socks at UNIQLO.  I checked the 19, and that can be the day for sock shopping, so I wrote back to Bannon and told him yes, I would love to attend.  At this point, my imagination is going beyond excited.  I imagine that over this weekend, I can arrange to have Bannon as part of my board, but also maybe even meet President Trump and perhaps get some funding for the statue.  One of the things I have learned through life is that things can go up and down.  For me, it's mostly down.  But when an 'up' comes or arrives, one has to ride that wild wave that is called life. 

January 16, 2017 (Tosh's Diary)

January 16, 2017
My friend promised me that he could connect me to Stephen Bannon.  If I can get Bannon to agree to become part of my board of directors, perhaps even the chair position, that would be fantastic.   He clearly knows how to raise money, or find money for a non-profit like mine, and also who knows, maybe even get funding for my (our) Trump Statue for the Silver Lake Meadow Park.    According to my friend, the hardcore Trump supporter, Bannon is the guy-to-go-to, for getting things done.  
The reason why I wanted to build the Trump statue was in the hopes of bringing people together.   Right now, the landscape in America is pretty insane.   We have the Anti-Democratic Party people who once belonged to the party but feel gypped, along with the Sanders people who felt cheated, and therefore are lost in the woods, and then on top of that, we have individuals who don't support any political party and are totally confused by Trump's victory.   And then there are the Democrats who are rapidly moving towards McCarthy era Republicans stance, while Republicans are siding with the Russians. Then there are the Republicans who are waiting behind the curtain to stab you-know-who in the back eventually.   Also, we have Republicans who are against Obamacare but haven't the foggiest idea how to replace it or even why - and then there are those who are racist, but also at the same time like world music.  On top of that, we have a current President, who is much admired and missed (even though he's still in office for another five days) and apparently a good man, but after eight years brought us all to this.  To be honest, I'm very confused what's happening to Planet United States of America.  That is why it's important to build a Trump Statue in the park, where neighbors, their children, dogs, and wildlife can meditate on the Trump world.  
Of course, there has to be the foundation to support my writing.  One of the people I admire is Ron L. Hubbard.  Not long ago, actually around a similar time now (the cold-war) he started a non-profit group to support his writing/thoughts.   I think it's clearly the time for me to fill the void that's there now and bring the folks back together.   But first, I have to return a library book, due that today is the due date.