David Mezzapelle's Blog, page 4

Scars: signs of strength

Krystian Leonard (right)

Meet Krystian Leonard.

This rising high school junior says that scars “hold a meaning of strength and character, showing I have accepted who I am and prove I can rise above the stigma.”

Krystian was born with lipomas on her face and body and over the course of her young life, she endured surgeries and resulting scars in order to get them removed. However, Krystian realized that she was a beautiful girl and was not going to let this hold her back. By her mid-teenage years, Krystian has been Miss Morgantown’s Outstanding Teen, Miss Southern West Virginia’s Outstanding Teen and Miss Northern West Virginia’s Outstanding Teen. She also launched a nonprofit organization called Shining S.C.A.R.S,  an organization dedicated to helping young people persevere through any obstacle.

Learn to speak Contagious Optimism! Get your copy and follow @lifecarrots today! #ShineBright pic.twitter.com/le5W7h3KMo

— Krystian Leonard (@ShiningScars) August 20, 2013

Meet Alan Malizia

Meet Alan Malizia

Alan suffered from polio as a child, endured painful treatments and lived in and out of hospitals most of his life. Instead of complaining, Alan channeled his energy into sports and education, which he taught to students in the Stamford, Conn. area. However, for Alan, teaching sports and education wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to do more. In addition to being a terrific teacher, Alan earned the number 1 ranking in the state and region for volleyball, basketball and other sports at Stamford Catholic High School.  He also published a book titled “The Little Red Chair,” an inspirational story about growing up with polio and the gratitude he has for all the people in his life – from the doctors who treated him to all his family, friends, and students who have always stood by his side.

Read one of Alan’s essays here: Humility and Humiliation

Remarkable Recovery

Meet Joan Heller





and her son Joel






Joel came home to visit his family during his sophomore year in college. Unfortunately he came home to some bad news that his mother had throat and mouth cancer, and would be losing part of her tongue along with her speech in order to fight the disease. However, Joel’s mother made him a promise.  She said that by his college graduation, she would be able to say “Congratulations!”

With that determination, Mrs. Heller decided that her only way to regain her speech would be to re-learn how to pronounce words – just like children would learn in their early stages. At this point, she obtained a variety of children’s books and tapes. She studied, studied, and studied, along with recording herself throughout the process. By May of 1990, Mrs. Heller regained her speech and said “Congratulations” at her son’s graduation. She was also able to return to work as a psychiatric social worker – an occupation that not only helps others but also relies on the ability to speak.

Good reviews, good news

“Contagious Optimism” recently received rave reviews!

NH.com, which covers all events in New Hampshire, wrote: “‘Contagious Optimism’ shows readers that it’s possible to FIND the silver lining in every cloud. This book is like ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ meets ‘Pay It Forward’ on steroids! ‘Contagious Optimism’ is pure inspiration that will lift hearts, open minds, and create a movement of pass-it-on hope and happiness.”

The Review Page also posted this wonderful review: “Having this book is like having your own personal cheerleading squad beside you all day long. We can all use positive influence and ideas in our lives. Open the book anywhere and you can read a short essay written by someone who has been in a challenging situation and turned it around.”

On a related note, here’s this week’s schedule for “Contagious Optimism” appearances:

August 7 – Sayreville Public Library

Time: 6:30-8 p.m.


Featuring co-author Dr. Colleen Georges


1050 Washington Road


Parlin, New Jersey 08859


Click here to learn more



 
 
August 8 – Rodgers Memorial Library


Time: 7 p.m. EST


Featuring David Mezzapelle and co-author Joel Heller


194 Derry Rd, Hudson, NH 03051


​Register for the event by clicking here


 
 
August 10 – Barnes & Noble Calabasas


Time: Noon PST


Featuring co-author Mona Tippins


4735 Commons Way


Calabasas, CA
818-222-0542

The giving continues

Many of you might remember the story of Allison and Sasha, two girls with big hearts who founded Prom Drive to give pre-owned dresses, shoes and accessories to underprivileged girls.

Now, we’re happy to say that their charitable nature remains strong.

Allison, Sasha and another co-founder Lexi are starting a new venture called Handled with Care. The store will be located in Yerwood Center, Stamford, Conn.

According to Allison, Handled with Care aims to “create a dignified shopping experience for kids and teens who would not typically have the opportunity.”

There will be men’s, women’s and children’s clothing, both casual and fancy attire.

These clothes will “allow them to feel comfortable and presentable attending interviews, meetings and other occasions,” said Lexie.

The girls have partnered with businesses to arrange drop-off points for clothing donations.

The girls also want people to spend their money on other necessities instead of clothing. Lexi said, quoting the National Center for Children in Poverty, “Forty-five percent under 18 live in low-income families.”

Allison and Sasha co-authored “Prom Drive,” and Lexi wrote “Kids Helping Kids.”

Just amazing. Congrats, girls!

Optimism: your choice

This post is inspired by Tony Schwartz’s article “Overcoming Your Negativity Bias,” which was published in The New York Times earlier this month.

Notice the headline of Tony Schwartz’ article.

The writer uses the possessive determiner “your” to denote that negativity bias is an individual’s plague. In the headline alone, Schwartz tells readers that the power to overcome negativity bias lies in the self.

Negativity bias makes us notice negativity more than positivity.  We tend to believe in the worst of things, causing our negative thoughts to confine us and prevent us from being productive. As a college student, my negative thoughts are trivial, but relatively relatable: Yeah, I need to study for my test tomorrow, but gosh, I did really bad last time, and it’s probably going to happen again, so why do I bother, maybe I should start doing my laundry, but what if the machines are full and then I’ll have to wait for everyone to finish and – has it already been two hours? This familiar stream of consciousness is simply frustrating!

I’ve realized that I tend to use negativity bias as a defense mechanism. It sounds logical at first: I want to be rational about circumstances, so I use my thoughts as motivators. I prepare myself by thinking of the worst, possible situations, therefore I believe can face anything. Well, I’ve been wrong a lot of times, because that “worst, possible situation,” or what was once hypothetical, becomes real to me. I take the “if” out of the equation.

In his piece, Schwartz interestingly noted that negativity bias is hard to overcome because many people don’t notice that they have negativity bias. “The problem is that we grow up in a world that doesn’t value the training of attention or the capacity to cultivate specific emotions,” Schwartz wrote. I interpret this sentence to say that we are no longer taught to be introspective. The ability to focus on ourselves is disrupted by the external activities that hold pseudo-significance. Emotions have been ranked below rationality. Sometimes we are too busy worrying about what other people think (want, say, etc.) that we forget about ourselves. The expectation of others is tyranny over our introspection; therefore we lose control over our own thoughts.

It is time to become introspective once more.

In his piece, Schwartz advised us to focus more on positivity. Oftentimes, physically removing yourself from a moment of negativity can be a great solution. Whenever I feel stressed, I decide to go for a walk or relax in a local coffee shop—anything to divert my thoughts. When I sit back down I feel significantly relaxed and I am no longer burdened by my thoughts.

In fact, reading this post—or reading “Contagious Optimism”—is another way to overcome negativity bias. By allowing yourself to listen and accept other people’s stories of struggles and success, you expose yourself to more positive thoughts. It is my belief that if you hold onto optimism, you’ll get results.

How will you deal with your negativity bias?

Meet Myrtle Newsam

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Myrtle smiles to the camera with a copy of “Contagious Optimism” in hand.

Meet Myrtle Newsam:

Homeless, suffering from congestive heart failure and on the verge of losing both her feet due to diabetes, Myrtle had gone in and out of shelters just to survive. And, even though most people would give up, Myrtle kept her strength through optimism, faith and music.  A day finally came when her perseverance paid off.

In a shelter she met a social worker who ultimately connected her to a new doctor. After many years of lackluster medical attention, Myrtle finally found an empathetic doctor who gave her proper care and brought her back to a healthier condition. He also prescribed respite care so she could live in a safe, clean and stable environment while recovering. From there, she connected with a church that ultimately hired her to write and sing gospel music.  Today, Myrtle has her own apartment, a terrific job with the church and the gospel music industry and is surrounded by people who care about her.

Humility Checks Humiliation

“Contagious Optimism” co-author Alan Malizia has self-published  two books through authorhouse.com: “The Little Red Chair,” which details his life experience with polio, and “A View From The Quiet Corner,” a collection of poems and reflections. Malizia graduated from Stamford Catholic High School in 1967 and received a bachelor’s degree in mathematics from Sacred Heard University in 1971 and a master’s degree in education from Bridgeport University in 1992. From 1975 until his retirement in 2003, Malizia taught and coached for secondary schools in the Diocese of Bridgeport.

While at Stamford Catholic High School he also coached the girls volleyball teams to three consecutive state championships from 1983 to 1985, an undefeated season in 1985, and a fourth title in 1988. Malizia was named Connecticut High School Coach of the Year in 1988 and was inducted into the Connecticut Women’s Volleyball Hall of Fame in 2007.

During my fourth season as a high school girls volleyball coach, our team had compiled an impressive 10-0 record before meeting one of our main rivals in the county. Although we were the visiting team our confidence was not diminished. Despite a fine effort, as is customary with our play, we took it on the chin. The final match results verified the home team as winner. We did not win even one game of the match. The girls were down, frustrated and humiliated by the outcome. The loss was a hard pill to swallow since we had entered the match undefeated.

We left the gym, and the girls ran out to the bus through heavy rain. I had driven to the match and needed to get my car. I moved along under the building overhang to avoid getting wet. I must reveal here that I was not able to walk under my own power. I was aided by leg braces and crutches as a result of having been stricken with polio at age four. My detour seemed a good idea until I hit a slick spot and down I went into a rain-soaked bush on a muddy terrain. A few girls ran over to assist and found my two feet jutting out from beneath the bush. Of course, being thoroughly wet and coated in mud would understandably add to the humiliation of the day’s events.

The next day at practice, before getting on with the business of evaluating the loss and how to adjust for the season ahead, I brought up the incident of my fall. The girls responded with laughter. They knew me too well to think that I would deal with that incident in any other way. And I expected as much from them. We ended the season with a 21-2 record and garnered a state championship.

We have all experienced humiliation. It is quite common. How each of us reacts to such an event is as unique as the individual who falls victim to it. Knowing that no one is immune to humiliation should encourage you not to escalate the effect of humiliation. Our outlook regarding it will determine whether we move forward with a productive fulfilling life or one of unsatisfying stagnation. If we allow them to, humiliating moments will become roadblocks rather than bumps along the way. If we become afraid to make mistakes, because of our concern for others’ opinions of us, then we are responsible for the frustrations and unhappiness we will face. We have no control over how others will respond to potentially humiliating events. However, we do have control over our response. You can sit safely on the sideline of life or get on the court. Whatever court on which your God-given gifts place you, the risk of humiliation is heightened. Yet it is a risk worth taking when the alternative is a life of inhibited purpose.

I was able to make nothing of my fall on that rainy afternoon, largely because of my doctor’s and parents’ influence in my life. After contracting polio and the recovery thereafter, part of which required a nine-month stay in a convalescent hospital, my doctor had told my parents the temptation to spoil me would be great. However, for my sake they let life be hard, as it often is. Even more so for one with a challenging disability. The severity of the trials I faced would be tempered by the love, understanding and support of those around me.

Humiliation has a negative connotation: it reduces someone or something to a lower position. Humility, on the other hand, affirms a positive, for one who possesses it is found to be down-to-earth in nature.   And one cannot be reduced to a lower position if one is already there. When we permit the unwanted mistakes of our lives to hold a prominent place, we stifle the opportunities through avoidance. Also, by behaving in such a manner, we lend credibility to those who will seize that moment when we seem most vulnerable and to shame and humiliate us. People who would instigate humiliation or be a party to such have problems of their own. Their actions imply an insecurity that is rooted in some fear. They should not be rebuffed without being pitied and prayed for.

Humiliation then can be overcome by humility.  Anyone who easily succumbs to the effects of humiliation or enjoys the humiliation of another possesses an ego in excess. It is difficult to forgive yourself or draw therapeutic humor from a humiliating moment when you are governed by an ego that frowns on mistakes. If you dispense little or no understanding to yourself, others will likely not receive it either.

From my experience with polio, I have learned an important lesson. Although the task may be hard, through humility, defeat need not win. Humility provides a foundation from which a “positive forward thinking” attitude can grow — an attitude that beckons us to keep trying in the face of adversity, no matter its form.

Did you enjoy Alan’s essay? For more reads from co-authors of “Contagious Optimism, check out the following posts:

“Are You Worth the Weight?” by Kimberlee M. Hooper
“Life Coach Lesson: Empowerment is Key,” by Laurie Martin

Are You Worth the Weight?

Kimberlee M. Hooper has been working in the field of education for more than 10 years.  Currently working in higher education at Middlesex County College in Edison, N.J., Kimberlee serves as the liaison to the K-12 community, providing educational programs to students at all grade levels, as well as professional development to teachers.  As a former coach, mentor and teacher, Kimberlee enjoys helping students navigate their path to success and encouraging others to focus on achieving their goals no matter how many obstacles appear along the way.

We all have our own self-criticisms and we are often reminded of our exterior differences from others by the images we see in advertising for clothing, accessories, shoes, etc.  In these images, perfection is reality.  What we forget is that the perfection we think we see is not always real; it is merely created to look real.  Is the person real?  Yes. How about the perfect proportions, the flawless skin and glowing blue eyes – are they real, too?  Probably not.  But nonetheless those very images fuel the many judgments we make against ourselves every day, thereby contributing to a poor self-image and low self-worth.

In May, the public responded strongly to comments made by the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch about the exclusiveness of his brand.  Many social groups have accused A&F of bullying and showed concern about people’s views of such exclusion in today’s society.  It is important to recognize at this juncture that we begin shaping our children’s values and self-worth at a young age, and all of the hard work we put into molding a confident mind can be grossly affected by images of unrealistic perfection and ignorant comments from others.  Can we shelter our children from such exposure?  Not all of the time.  Can we use our voice to make an impact and demonstrate our commitment to a better and more accepting society?  Yes, we can, and we should.

We may not be able to sit at the board meeting where images are approved for another exclusive campaign, but we can use our words to express how those images make us feel to ignite positive change.  We should use our words to demonstrate how promoting inclusion and self-confidence can be the most compelling campaign of all.  I have no doubt that Abercrombie & Fitch will remain publicly committed to repairing its image through carefully worded statements, as I do believe that there must be people around that table who have children and understand how damaging words can be – especially when they come from people of power who can influence the younger generation.

What I wonder about and fear is whether this movement in the right direction will lose its luster once the hype has died down.  Then all that will be left is the same group of people who were hurt in the first place, feeling like they have failed at getting their messages heard, and further falling into the trap of low self-worth.

Standing up for something that can hurt on the inside is a risk not every person is prepared to take, but the only way to prevent falling into a trap of low self-worth is to take those feelings and use them in a positive way.  Write an article, start a blog, make a statement – anything that is comfortable for you to do.

It is so important to remember that no matter what anybody says or thinks, what matters the most is how we think of ourselves.  It is OK for individuals to think differently, look differently, identify differently and behave differently.  The world would be a dull place if the people in it were all the same.  Let’s focus on staying true to ourselves, for without that truth, we are no better than the airbrushed picture of perfection that ignited this issue in the first place.

Today’s the day

“Contagious Optimism” is officially released! Buy a copy here.

To wrap up our daily excerpts from co-authors, here are  a few words of reflection from David Mezzapelle on the “Contagious Optimism” experience:

As you can see, we all have stories.  What you may consider boring or uneventful is actually inspirational and motivational to others around the world.

Harvesting stories over the past three years, and continuing to do so today, has been a labor of love.  Meeting with people and hearing their stories of perseverance is not only inspirational and supportive of this project, but it is also educational in the wisdom it generates for our readers.  When you read stories of how others have overcome obstacles and made it through many of life’s challenges, you realize that anything is possible with optimism and effort.

Both my team and I have had the benefit of connecting with people of all ages, races and socioeconomic backgrounds throughout the world.  It is humbling and something we never want to stop doing.  When we visit schools, senior living communities, villages, clubs, religious groups, support organizations, or anywhere else, we are constantly welcomed. People are excited to share their stories and they are excited to take part in spreading optimism.

Now that volume one is published on a global scale, we are looking forward to releasing additional volumes at a rate of one every nine to 12 months.

So, consider sharing your stories and remember: we are all naturally mentors just by the sheer impressions of our footsteps.