Chelsea Gaither's Blog, page 38
June 6, 2013
The Wolf Gift--chapter 19
Let's get business out of the way first, mkay? Buy my books. They're cool.
There. I've done my daily dose of promotion for the day.
One thing I've found, writing in three different universes at once is that each series has its own characteristics. In trying to get the next gray Prince book done (and it's going BEAUTIFULLY so far) I've realized that I seem to consistantly write the fucking book in the wrong fucking order. Which means I have to not only rearrange all the pieces, I have to do massive scale rewriting to make it all fit (IE take the "When we Last Left Our Heroes" segment out of what used to be the beginning and is now the 1/3 way point and shove it into what used to be the 1/3/ way point and is now the beginning). AND YET IT GOES WELL. I like this kind of editing a lot. Understanding how all these scattered pieces fit together.
Part of me wishes I hadn't written the damn thing, so that I could enjoy and gush about how much fun it is working with it without feeling like a self important jerk.
And it's gonna be a fun book. So there.
Right. Now. Where are we?
Ruben and Laura are in the World's Perfect Mansion, waiting for his transformation.
I want you to know I stopped re-reading Redemption of Althalus for the eleventh time to do this. And as dumbed down as that book is (a lot of kindergarten language is employed. Which is weird, because a lot of the topics discussed ie time's relationship to space, is a little bit above most adult's pay-grade) I am now longing for the let's-throw-sheep-at-the-bad-guys scene.
Ruben is sitting on the sofa with Laura. She's wearing one of those Ophelia-esque nighties, he's in an old sweater and jeans. They're watching TV. We all absolutely needed to know this.
The thing about breaking books up into scenes and chapters, blog readers, is that it allows you to skip massive blocks of bullshit and go straight for the interesting parts.
We get a three-page transcript of what Ruben and Laura are watching on TV because it is on Ruben and Anne Rice assumes that we find Ruben half as interesting as she does.
News Flash: We don't.
Ruben changes the channel, but apparently he is on every station.
Yeah, that's what happens when your kill count starts needing both hands. They're not doing it because they like you, Rubes, they're doing it because you eat people. OH BUT THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE. Well, you know, there's also an argument that prostitutes "deserve it" when serial killers hunt them down because their job isn't socially acceptable (For the record, if you agree with that, please get off my blog now). The problem is that the criminal activity does not originate in the victim. The victim does not think "Oh, I'd like to be robbed/raped/murdered today" and somehow magically put that thought into the criminal's head. In other words, THE NATURE OF THE VICTIM NEVER JUSTIFIES THE ACTIONS OF THE CRIMINAL.
Ruben, you decided you wanted to kill them, you found something to justify it, you hunted until you found circumstances that matched that justification, and then you killed them. That makes you a murdering son of a bitch who needs to go away.
YOUR EYEBALLS, PLEASE TATTOO THIS ONTO. THANK YOU.
We find out that Ruben gave Laura a tour of the fucking house--thank GOD this one was off camera--and that she fell in love with the master bedroom.
Not the conservatory. Not the massive grounds. Not the libraries full of rare books, or the hallways full of rare art, or the fact that this house is, in its defense, probably fucking gorgeous. No. SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE MASTER BEDROOM.
Oh, and this is in accordance with Ruben's master plan.
Fuck fires, Rubes. Go die in a nuclear reactor.
We find out that the orchid trees got here. We find out what color the flowers are, that some of the flowers got damaged in transit, and that the flowers came here in wooden pots.
God forbid, we not know what the fucking orchid trees got shipped in.
There is a fountain! And the computers and TVs and blue-ray disks are all working! And...wait. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE.
Those (INCREDIBLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE) Bose players were specifically DVD players. Anne Rice went out of her way to let us know that Ruben owns the "I'VE GOT TOO MUCH FUCKING MONEY AND I LISTEN TO RUSH LIMBAUGH" version of DVD players.
HOW IS HE GOING TO WATCH ALL THESE BLUE RAY DISKS? THESE REQUIRE BLUE-RAY PLAYERS. WHICH WERE NEVER MENTIONED.
ANNE RICE, I BEGIN TO DOUBT THE VERACITY OF YOUR SUPERHERO WEREWOLF NOVEL!
Ruben's mom wants him to get tested by a Russian specialist in Paris. Again. This is the third time this has been mentioned. Yeah, we're definately going to do an eleventh hour LKH-esque ass-pull for a villian, aren't we?
Also, why would Grace still be freaking out over Ruben? He looks healthier than he did before, there's no sign of rabies. Sure, he's acting a little flakey, but my first reaction when my TWENTY THREE YEAR OLD son started skipping work and rolling in his cash would not be "RARE AND SPESHUL-SNOFLAKIE DISEASES". My reaction would be "Is it heroin? It's heroin isn't it." and an attempt to get him into rehab. And IDK about you, but I think California is more than equipped to handle rich people on drugs. We wouldn't need to go to Paris.
Also, reporters want Ruben to comment on the Man-Wolf because Ruben is special. The end.
His boss wants him to do a deep reflection piece on the Man-Wolf.
Lady, I've been stuck with Ruben for ninteen chapters. There are mud puddles that are bigger drowning hazards than this kid.
And then we go back to Ruben snuggling with Laura. And snuggling with Laura motivates him to write. And we get the entire piece in quote blocks, because we really want to read the murdering werewolf's attempt to play to the "DIE WOLF" attitude of the world while still covering his ass. Reading about actual werewolfy things would be too much to ask. Also, it's just Anne Rice attempting to be deep and talk about human subconsious and hero worship and I would be much more inclined to listen if not for Laura. Including a co-dependant damaged woman in the story because nobody else would fuck Ruben without asking Ruben to change his behavior (namely, not kill people) makes your "GOD I AM SO DEEP" blathering look like crayola scribblings on the side of a nursery wall. That, more than anything, showcases that you don't really get the dark side of humanity half as well as you think you do.
Laura thinks it's brilliant. Because her only reason for existing is to affirm Ruben's existence, and that's not sarcasm, that's her entire purpose as a character.
And then we wander back into ANITA BLAKE territory:
WHY ARE STANDARD MORALS WRONG? I could understand if, say, there was an arguement about homophobia or racism or the bullshit that allows rapists to have paternity rights in most US states, because "standard" morality condemns these things when it should not, but the "moral constraints" Ruben is talking about are NOT KILLING PEOPLE OUT OF HAND IN HORRIBLE WAYS. LKH had the same thing: Morals are WRONG because they won't let us kill people out of hand. Morals are WRONG because they frown on us discarding sex partners once they start asking for committed monogamous relationships. Morals are WRONG because they demand HONESTY and HUMILITY and, you know, NOT KILLING PEOPLE WE DON'T LIKE IN NASTY WAYS.
Why is "treat other people with dignity, and don't be an ass" so fucking hard to understand? It's not like having values means somebody can't be a BAMF. Imitate Bayard Rustin. Imitate the women who walk palestinian children to and from school. Imitate German Jehovah's Witnesses during the 1940s (Google it. And yes, I know about their homophobia and how the Watchtower sucks. You still need to Google it.). Imitate the Muslems who protected Christians during Christmas services in Egypt. Imititate the Egyptian Christians who protected the Muslems during their prayer services. Harriet Tubman. Oskar Schindler. Chiune Sugihara. Eva Mozes Kor. Corrie Ten Boom. FUCKING GANDHI. Write a main character with positive values standing up for those values under overwhelming odds, and you'll find that the bad-assed motherfucker status is much, much higher than it ever would have been if you gave them a gun.
Ruben is not bad-ass. He's just bad AND an ass.
Laura replies to the quoted bit thusly:
For fuck's sake. Anne. Park your ego a minute, will you?
For those of you who don't know (And I really hope it's like, two of you) the Holy Sacrament is mostly unique to Catholicism. It's the belief that after the blessing of comunion is preformed, the little white waifers literally become Christ's body, and the wine becomes Christ's blood. It makes the person partaking in the Communion an actual participant in the sacrifice of Christ. Most non-Catholic denominations do NOT believe in this, my own brand being one of them, but to a Catholic this is the most sacred part of their religion.
Anne Rice is a Catholic.
Basically she just had one main character call the other main character equal to God.
He wants to have sex with her. He thinks that she won't want Human!Ruben, just Wolf!Ruben, and then says "Fuck it" and starts having sex with her anyway. They disrobe. They get in bed. The words "tangle of limbs" are used.
I do not have a good feeling about this. In fact, I have a very BAD feeling about this. Ruben, please stay human please stay human please stay human...DAMN IT!
More religious imagry is used--specifically, Laura is on her knees before him, and rises up praying--and I'm pretty sure Rice thought she was being subtle.
The chapter ends with him smelling Laura and enjoying it.
I'm now going to go read a story about teleporting European clones in the mideval ages who will win a battle by throwing sheep at the enemy. And I will think "As dumb as Gher's 'girl people' shit is, at least nobody is fucking a were-wolf mid shift."
"Or comparing them to Jesus Christ and thinking that equals depth."
There. I've done my daily dose of promotion for the day.
One thing I've found, writing in three different universes at once is that each series has its own characteristics. In trying to get the next gray Prince book done (and it's going BEAUTIFULLY so far) I've realized that I seem to consistantly write the fucking book in the wrong fucking order. Which means I have to not only rearrange all the pieces, I have to do massive scale rewriting to make it all fit (IE take the "When we Last Left Our Heroes" segment out of what used to be the beginning and is now the 1/3 way point and shove it into what used to be the 1/3/ way point and is now the beginning). AND YET IT GOES WELL. I like this kind of editing a lot. Understanding how all these scattered pieces fit together.
Part of me wishes I hadn't written the damn thing, so that I could enjoy and gush about how much fun it is working with it without feeling like a self important jerk.
And it's gonna be a fun book. So there.
Right. Now. Where are we?
Ruben and Laura are in the World's Perfect Mansion, waiting for his transformation.
I want you to know I stopped re-reading Redemption of Althalus for the eleventh time to do this. And as dumbed down as that book is (a lot of kindergarten language is employed. Which is weird, because a lot of the topics discussed ie time's relationship to space, is a little bit above most adult's pay-grade) I am now longing for the let's-throw-sheep-at-the-bad-guys scene.
Ruben is sitting on the sofa with Laura. She's wearing one of those Ophelia-esque nighties, he's in an old sweater and jeans. They're watching TV. We all absolutely needed to know this.
The thing about breaking books up into scenes and chapters, blog readers, is that it allows you to skip massive blocks of bullshit and go straight for the interesting parts.
We get a three-page transcript of what Ruben and Laura are watching on TV because it is on Ruben and Anne Rice assumes that we find Ruben half as interesting as she does.
News Flash: We don't.
Ruben changes the channel, but apparently he is on every station.
Yeah, that's what happens when your kill count starts needing both hands. They're not doing it because they like you, Rubes, they're doing it because you eat people. OH BUT THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE. Well, you know, there's also an argument that prostitutes "deserve it" when serial killers hunt them down because their job isn't socially acceptable (For the record, if you agree with that, please get off my blog now). The problem is that the criminal activity does not originate in the victim. The victim does not think "Oh, I'd like to be robbed/raped/murdered today" and somehow magically put that thought into the criminal's head. In other words, THE NATURE OF THE VICTIM NEVER JUSTIFIES THE ACTIONS OF THE CRIMINAL.
Ruben, you decided you wanted to kill them, you found something to justify it, you hunted until you found circumstances that matched that justification, and then you killed them. That makes you a murdering son of a bitch who needs to go away.
YOUR EYEBALLS, PLEASE TATTOO THIS ONTO. THANK YOU.
We find out that Ruben gave Laura a tour of the fucking house--thank GOD this one was off camera--and that she fell in love with the master bedroom.
Not the conservatory. Not the massive grounds. Not the libraries full of rare books, or the hallways full of rare art, or the fact that this house is, in its defense, probably fucking gorgeous. No. SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE MASTER BEDROOM.
Oh, and this is in accordance with Ruben's master plan.
Fuck fires, Rubes. Go die in a nuclear reactor.
We find out that the orchid trees got here. We find out what color the flowers are, that some of the flowers got damaged in transit, and that the flowers came here in wooden pots.
God forbid, we not know what the fucking orchid trees got shipped in.
There is a fountain! And the computers and TVs and blue-ray disks are all working! And...wait. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE.
Those (INCREDIBLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE) Bose players were specifically DVD players. Anne Rice went out of her way to let us know that Ruben owns the "I'VE GOT TOO MUCH FUCKING MONEY AND I LISTEN TO RUSH LIMBAUGH" version of DVD players.
HOW IS HE GOING TO WATCH ALL THESE BLUE RAY DISKS? THESE REQUIRE BLUE-RAY PLAYERS. WHICH WERE NEVER MENTIONED.
ANNE RICE, I BEGIN TO DOUBT THE VERACITY OF YOUR SUPERHERO WEREWOLF NOVEL!
Ruben's mom wants him to get tested by a Russian specialist in Paris. Again. This is the third time this has been mentioned. Yeah, we're definately going to do an eleventh hour LKH-esque ass-pull for a villian, aren't we?
Also, why would Grace still be freaking out over Ruben? He looks healthier than he did before, there's no sign of rabies. Sure, he's acting a little flakey, but my first reaction when my TWENTY THREE YEAR OLD son started skipping work and rolling in his cash would not be "RARE AND SPESHUL-SNOFLAKIE DISEASES". My reaction would be "Is it heroin? It's heroin isn't it." and an attempt to get him into rehab. And IDK about you, but I think California is more than equipped to handle rich people on drugs. We wouldn't need to go to Paris.
Also, reporters want Ruben to comment on the Man-Wolf because Ruben is special. The end.
His boss wants him to do a deep reflection piece on the Man-Wolf.
Lady, I've been stuck with Ruben for ninteen chapters. There are mud puddles that are bigger drowning hazards than this kid.
And then we go back to Ruben snuggling with Laura. And snuggling with Laura motivates him to write. And we get the entire piece in quote blocks, because we really want to read the murdering werewolf's attempt to play to the "DIE WOLF" attitude of the world while still covering his ass. Reading about actual werewolfy things would be too much to ask. Also, it's just Anne Rice attempting to be deep and talk about human subconsious and hero worship and I would be much more inclined to listen if not for Laura. Including a co-dependant damaged woman in the story because nobody else would fuck Ruben without asking Ruben to change his behavior (namely, not kill people) makes your "GOD I AM SO DEEP" blathering look like crayola scribblings on the side of a nursery wall. That, more than anything, showcases that you don't really get the dark side of humanity half as well as you think you do.
Laura thinks it's brilliant. Because her only reason for existing is to affirm Ruben's existence, and that's not sarcasm, that's her entire purpose as a character.
And then we wander back into ANITA BLAKE territory:
“Tell me the truth, if you will,” he had said. “Are you disappointed that I am not the Man of the Wild you imagined? I think you saw me as something pure, unburdened by moral constraint. Or maybe, maybe having to live up to an entirely different code because I was something not human.”
WHY ARE STANDARD MORALS WRONG? I could understand if, say, there was an arguement about homophobia or racism or the bullshit that allows rapists to have paternity rights in most US states, because "standard" morality condemns these things when it should not, but the "moral constraints" Ruben is talking about are NOT KILLING PEOPLE OUT OF HAND IN HORRIBLE WAYS. LKH had the same thing: Morals are WRONG because they won't let us kill people out of hand. Morals are WRONG because they frown on us discarding sex partners once they start asking for committed monogamous relationships. Morals are WRONG because they demand HONESTY and HUMILITY and, you know, NOT KILLING PEOPLE WE DON'T LIKE IN NASTY WAYS.
Why is "treat other people with dignity, and don't be an ass" so fucking hard to understand? It's not like having values means somebody can't be a BAMF. Imitate Bayard Rustin. Imitate the women who walk palestinian children to and from school. Imitate German Jehovah's Witnesses during the 1940s (Google it. And yes, I know about their homophobia and how the Watchtower sucks. You still need to Google it.). Imitate the Muslems who protected Christians during Christmas services in Egypt. Imititate the Egyptian Christians who protected the Muslems during their prayer services. Harriet Tubman. Oskar Schindler. Chiune Sugihara. Eva Mozes Kor. Corrie Ten Boom. FUCKING GANDHI. Write a main character with positive values standing up for those values under overwhelming odds, and you'll find that the bad-assed motherfucker status is much, much higher than it ever would have been if you gave them a gun.
Ruben is not bad-ass. He's just bad AND an ass.
Laura replies to the quoted bit thusly:
You’re a mystery the way a sacrament is a mystery.”
For fuck's sake. Anne. Park your ego a minute, will you?
For those of you who don't know (And I really hope it's like, two of you) the Holy Sacrament is mostly unique to Catholicism. It's the belief that after the blessing of comunion is preformed, the little white waifers literally become Christ's body, and the wine becomes Christ's blood. It makes the person partaking in the Communion an actual participant in the sacrifice of Christ. Most non-Catholic denominations do NOT believe in this, my own brand being one of them, but to a Catholic this is the most sacred part of their religion.
Anne Rice is a Catholic.
Basically she just had one main character call the other main character equal to God.
He wants to have sex with her. He thinks that she won't want Human!Ruben, just Wolf!Ruben, and then says "Fuck it" and starts having sex with her anyway. They disrobe. They get in bed. The words "tangle of limbs" are used.
I do not have a good feeling about this. In fact, I have a very BAD feeling about this. Ruben, please stay human please stay human please stay human...DAMN IT!
Suddenly he felt the violent spasm in his belly and in his chest; the ecstasy moved over the surface of his entire body; the prickling pleasure paralyzed him. He fell to one side, and sat up, doubled over.
More religious imagry is used--specifically, Laura is on her knees before him, and rises up praying--and I'm pretty sure Rice thought she was being subtle.
The chapter ends with him smelling Laura and enjoying it.
I'm now going to go read a story about teleporting European clones in the mideval ages who will win a battle by throwing sheep at the enemy. And I will think "As dumb as Gher's 'girl people' shit is, at least nobody is fucking a were-wolf mid shift."
"Or comparing them to Jesus Christ and thinking that equals depth."
The Wolf Gift--chapter 18
Anne Rice is about to try being romantic.
This is not going to end well.
We get a summery of Ruben and Laura's drive back to The World's Perfect Mansion. He tells her his life story, which we've already heard, and she tells him her life story, which we already heard. Hey, can we have new material please?
...apparently not. Oh, new nuggets of characterization are hinted at, but they're not brought up. No. They're just talked about. Ruben talks about the digs he went on, and that is exactly the amount of information we are given in the book. Not that he went there, or where he went, or what he was digging up. Nope. We just find out that he talks about it.
Yeah, that's "candid and gentle advice" about the guy who straight up drowned Laura's children. That is not the phrasing I would use. And I'm really fucking sorry, but "loving father" and "doesn't criticize for your having married a clingy potential murderer" do not go together. At all. Either her dad was psychologically tone deaf, or Anne Rice doesn't understand how human instincts work.
AND LET US NOT FORGET: HE DROWNED LAURA'S CHILDREN.
There is something that Stephen King wrote in Misery that I kind of like. Depressed people commit suicide. Psychopaths take other people with them.
How is the fact that Laura lost her material posessions something more key to her character than her losing her children. That's the kind of thing that becomes your defining trait. I have a much older friend (She's in her sixties) who has a double doctorate in psychology. TWO Ph.Ds, on top of a masters in nursing. She did the masters because she waned to be a nurse. She got the doctorates because her son shot himself and she wants to understand why. She still celebrates his birthday. My mom lost a kid before she had me. I know what his name would have been, and when his birthday was. You can heal from that, in the continuous sense of the word, but you're never over losing your kids.
Unless you exist in an Anne Rice book, in which case the fact that your husband killed your kids is less critical to your character than the fact that you don't get to go to operas anymore.
They discuss Ruben's brother. They discuss DNA testing. We don't get to find out what exactly they discuss, mind, only that they discuss it and find it to be dangerous.
Laura gets her first real bit of dialogue when they start discussing werewolves.
We get yet another place where Anne Rice has eaten during some trip to California:
Subtly spiced.
Anne Rice is one of those people who demands they be able to "taste the fish", isn't she?
Ruben tells Laura he's just made her an accessory after the fact to every one of his brutal murders. Laura finds this to be highly romantic:
You know, I could take werewolves taking Selfies. I could take Anne Rice's late-stage discovery of superhero motifs. I could even take the massively gross materialism dripping off every page.
If I have to endure too much more of Laura I'm going to do something unspeakable to this book.
Ruben realizes he feels highly posessive of Laura. He also realizes he never felt this way about Celeste, his discarded girlfriend, and this is a sign that he really does love Laura.
You know, manipulative men usually discard women they can't manipulate anymore and switch over to a new girl. Celeste has been growing more independant, according to the text, and this is mentioned while Ruben is deciding if he wants to continue dating her.
I think Ruben is the last guy any female should ever attach themselves to. Ever.
Ruben pulls out her chair and gives her her coat. She compliments him on his Old World manners. Phrased exactly like that.
The chapter ends.
This is not going to end well.
We get a summery of Ruben and Laura's drive back to The World's Perfect Mansion. He tells her his life story, which we've already heard, and she tells him her life story, which we already heard. Hey, can we have new material please?
...apparently not. Oh, new nuggets of characterization are hinted at, but they're not brought up. No. They're just talked about. Ruben talks about the digs he went on, and that is exactly the amount of information we are given in the book. Not that he went there, or where he went, or what he was digging up. Nope. We just find out that he talks about it.
He talked about his Berkeley days and the digs overseas, about his love of books, and she talked about her time in New York, and how her husband had swept her off her feet. As for her father, she’d been utterly devoted to him. And he’d never uttered a word of criticism of her for marrying Caulfield Hoffman against his candid but gentle advice.
Yeah, that's "candid and gentle advice" about the guy who straight up drowned Laura's children. That is not the phrasing I would use. And I'm really fucking sorry, but "loving father" and "doesn't criticize for your having married a clingy potential murderer" do not go together. At all. Either her dad was psychologically tone deaf, or Anne Rice doesn't understand how human instincts work.
She’d lived a life of parties, concerts, operas, receptions, and benefits in New York with Caulfield that now seemed like a dream. Their town house on Central Park East, the nannies, the frantic pace and richness of life, all of that was like something that had never happened. Hoffman had been ruined when he killed himself and the children. Everything they’d owned together had been lost. Every single thing.I would like to point out what gets the most description in this paragraph. Laura's family gets half a sentence. Her social calendar and the cash thus implied, that gets the whole rest of the paragraph. Hoffman had been ruined when he killed himself--yeah, that phrasing implies that he was ruined because he offed himself, not that he offed himself because he was financially ruined.
AND LET US NOT FORGET: HE DROWNED LAURA'S CHILDREN.
There is something that Stephen King wrote in Misery that I kind of like. Depressed people commit suicide. Psychopaths take other people with them.
How is the fact that Laura lost her material posessions something more key to her character than her losing her children. That's the kind of thing that becomes your defining trait. I have a much older friend (She's in her sixties) who has a double doctorate in psychology. TWO Ph.Ds, on top of a masters in nursing. She did the masters because she waned to be a nurse. She got the doctorates because her son shot himself and she wants to understand why. She still celebrates his birthday. My mom lost a kid before she had me. I know what his name would have been, and when his birthday was. You can heal from that, in the continuous sense of the word, but you're never over losing your kids.
Unless you exist in an Anne Rice book, in which case the fact that your husband killed your kids is less critical to your character than the fact that you don't get to go to operas anymore.
They discuss Ruben's brother. They discuss DNA testing. We don't get to find out what exactly they discuss, mind, only that they discuss it and find it to be dangerous.
Laura gets her first real bit of dialogue when they start discussing werewolves.
“I wouldn’t assume,” she said, “that this thing is capable of love and conscience as you are. That might not be true at all.”RUBEN. CAPABLE OF LOVE AND A CONSCIENCE.
We get yet another place where Anne Rice has eaten during some trip to California:The tables were draped in lavender linen, with lavender napkins, and the food was subtly spiced, special. He ate ravenously, consuming everything offered down to the last crumb of bread. The place was rustic with a low sloping ceiling, the expected roaring fireplace, and old weathered plank floors.
Subtly spiced.
Anne Rice is one of those people who demands they be able to "taste the fish", isn't she?
Ruben tells Laura he's just made her an accessory after the fact to every one of his brutal murders. Laura finds this to be highly romantic:
“Some mysteries are simply irresistible,” she said. “They have components that alter a life.”
You know, I could take werewolves taking Selfies. I could take Anne Rice's late-stage discovery of superhero motifs. I could even take the massively gross materialism dripping off every page.
If I have to endure too much more of Laura I'm going to do something unspeakable to this book.
Ruben realizes he feels highly posessive of Laura. He also realizes he never felt this way about Celeste, his discarded girlfriend, and this is a sign that he really does love Laura.
You know, manipulative men usually discard women they can't manipulate anymore and switch over to a new girl. Celeste has been growing more independant, according to the text, and this is mentioned while Ruben is deciding if he wants to continue dating her.
I think Ruben is the last guy any female should ever attach themselves to. Ever.
Ruben pulls out her chair and gives her her coat. She compliments him on his Old World manners. Phrased exactly like that.
The chapter ends.
June 4, 2013
The Wolf Gift--chapter 17
First off...
Go buy it. Please.If there is one thing I really hate, it is telling customers at work my name.
You have already defeated my meager dignity by demanding I keep your water full and de-crumb your table peroidically. Allow me to keep one social barrier between us. If you become a regular, that's different. If this is your first time here? DO NOT CALL ME BY MY FUCKING NAME.
Because it is a matter of identity, as in retaining one's own. As in not becoming something to be mauled by somebody else.
Which is why this chapter, my loyal blog-readers? THIS CHAPTER CREEPS ME THE FUCK OUT.
Ruben is sitting outside Laura's house, watching her.
THIS IS NOT OKAY. This is not okay, this is not okay THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY.
Even better, he follows her to a nice little cafe up the road a little.
Ruben walks up to her. Laura has never seen him human, so when he sits down at her table without her reaction is a polite version of "fuck off!"
This paragraph happens:
Laura figures out that Ruben is a reporter, and decides that he's searching for info on the Wolf Man. Now scared out of her mind, Laura elects to leave.
Ruben stops her.
See, he knows he has to go back to the World's Perfect Mansion, but he'd rather not leave without taking his new toy with him. That toy being Laura. Who is so scared of him right now she's trying to leave the restaruant.
Have I mentioned yet that this is not okay?
And then he tells Laura that he was with her last night, and she's like "Oh. Well. Okay then." And she sits down.
Because, you know, having a boyfriend that stalks you is perfectly alright.
GOOD GOD THIS IS NOT OKAY.
Ruben gives her a couple more facts you could probably scrape off the internet re: Wolf man, and then tells her he's going back to his GREAT BIG FUCKING MANSION, would she like to go with? She says sure.
Because having a stalker is a compliment.
They start driving off (in. Ruben's. Porsche) and Laura starts laughing. Because Laughter is always a sign of good humor, and not panic at being in a strange car with a strange man heading off into a strange town.
Laura thinks Ruben is the handsomest man she's ever seen.
The last guy she was involved with (according to the book) drowned himself and her two kids as revenge for her leaving him.
She shouldn't be getting in that fucking car.
And that's not a judgement on Laura as a person. I do not think she's a stupid idiot female for going with a dangerous alpha male. I think she's a badly written character being driven by an author who wants the main character to have something to fuck for a while. This is the psychological equivalent of Don't Touch the Funnel Cloud. HUMAN BEINGS DON'T WORK THIS WAY. Damaged people do not work this way. Women who endure bad shit develop instincts. These instincts can be pretty good at telling us to get out of dodge. Bad men can manipulate these instincts and put us into a submissive reaction, rather than a fight-or-flight one, but Ruben hasn't had enough time to do that. I firmly believe that if Laura were a real human being? She would not be getting in Ruben's car.
Maybe in another couple of weeks, but not right away.
Anne Rice cannot handle the psychology of a damaged psyche. She understood that a woman would have to be severely wounded to accept Wolf!Ruben without comment. She failed to understand everything else. Folks, elbows don't bend like knees, fire doesn't do cold, and damaged women don't drop in exalted submission whenever an alpha-male walks into the room. Writing any of these things as if they are true means that you've failed majorly as a writer and you need to go home and do it again.
Hey, there hasn't been any puke-worthy dialogue in a while.
The chapter ends with a kiss. And I swear to god if the word "Sweet" is applied to sexual tension with Laura one more time I'm gonna go light a whole pile of gummy bears on fire.
Go buy it. Please.If there is one thing I really hate, it is telling customers at work my name.You have already defeated my meager dignity by demanding I keep your water full and de-crumb your table peroidically. Allow me to keep one social barrier between us. If you become a regular, that's different. If this is your first time here? DO NOT CALL ME BY MY FUCKING NAME.
Because it is a matter of identity, as in retaining one's own. As in not becoming something to be mauled by somebody else.
Which is why this chapter, my loyal blog-readers? THIS CHAPTER CREEPS ME THE FUCK OUT.
Ruben is sitting outside Laura's house, watching her.
THIS IS NOT OKAY. This is not okay, this is not okay THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY.
Even better, he follows her to a nice little cafe up the road a little.
Ruben walks up to her. Laura has never seen him human, so when he sits down at her table without her reaction is a polite version of "fuck off!"
This paragraph happens:
Reuben didn’t answer. There was no waiter visible in the back of the restaurant just now. Only a couple of other tables were occupied.At this point? I get up. I find a waiter. I request politely to be taken to the waiter's break room while the cops are summoned, because blog readers? THIS IS NOT OKAY.
Laura figures out that Ruben is a reporter, and decides that he's searching for info on the Wolf Man. Now scared out of her mind, Laura elects to leave.
Ruben stops her.
See, he knows he has to go back to the World's Perfect Mansion, but he'd rather not leave without taking his new toy with him. That toy being Laura. Who is so scared of him right now she's trying to leave the restaruant.
Have I mentioned yet that this is not okay?
And then he tells Laura that he was with her last night, and she's like "Oh. Well. Okay then." And she sits down.
Because, you know, having a boyfriend that stalks you is perfectly alright.
GOOD GOD THIS IS NOT OKAY.
Ruben gives her a couple more facts you could probably scrape off the internet re: Wolf man, and then tells her he's going back to his GREAT BIG FUCKING MANSION, would she like to go with? She says sure.
Because having a stalker is a compliment.
They start driving off (in. Ruben's. Porsche) and Laura starts laughing. Because Laughter is always a sign of good humor, and not panic at being in a strange car with a strange man heading off into a strange town.
Laura thinks Ruben is the handsomest man she's ever seen.
The last guy she was involved with (according to the book) drowned himself and her two kids as revenge for her leaving him.
She shouldn't be getting in that fucking car.
And that's not a judgement on Laura as a person. I do not think she's a stupid idiot female for going with a dangerous alpha male. I think she's a badly written character being driven by an author who wants the main character to have something to fuck for a while. This is the psychological equivalent of Don't Touch the Funnel Cloud. HUMAN BEINGS DON'T WORK THIS WAY. Damaged people do not work this way. Women who endure bad shit develop instincts. These instincts can be pretty good at telling us to get out of dodge. Bad men can manipulate these instincts and put us into a submissive reaction, rather than a fight-or-flight one, but Ruben hasn't had enough time to do that. I firmly believe that if Laura were a real human being? She would not be getting in Ruben's car.
Maybe in another couple of weeks, but not right away.
Anne Rice cannot handle the psychology of a damaged psyche. She understood that a woman would have to be severely wounded to accept Wolf!Ruben without comment. She failed to understand everything else. Folks, elbows don't bend like knees, fire doesn't do cold, and damaged women don't drop in exalted submission whenever an alpha-male walks into the room. Writing any of these things as if they are true means that you've failed majorly as a writer and you need to go home and do it again.
Hey, there hasn't been any puke-worthy dialogue in a while.
“You know,” she said with the utmost sincerity. “In the story of the prince and the frog, there’s always a frog. This story … it has no frog.”
“Hmmm. It’s a different story, Laura,” he responded. “It’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.”
“No, it’s not,” she said reprovingly. “I don’t think it’s that story at all. It’s not ‘Beauty and the Beast’ either. Maybe it’s a new story.”I'd say "Stop putting words in your character's mouths" but all Laura would be saying is "AAAAAHHHHHHH"
The chapter ends with a kiss. And I swear to god if the word "Sweet" is applied to sexual tension with Laura one more time I'm gonna go light a whole pile of gummy bears on fire.
June 3, 2013
The Wolf Gift--Chapter 15-16
Valkyrie, the fourth Starbleached Novella...ette...thing...whatever. Valkyrie is now live on Smashwords. Barnes and Noble and Amazon are still processing, but they should be live very soon.
We watched Hansel and Gretel here at Casa CW tonight. It was a movie I was vaguely interested in, in that "Hey, this looks steampunky and cool and a little bit like the Brother's Grim, which was cool in its own atmospheric medocure way" way, but I didn't really know much about it past the trailers.
How did I react to it? Well, in a word:
Let's see, we had RANDOM FUCKING GUNS (I would have given them the things if somebody--say, Leonardo da Vinci or another Brilliant Not-Wizard had been behind the things, but it wasn't just the main characters who had them. EVERYBODY IN THIS MEDIEVAL PERIOD PIECE HAD GUNS) violence that served no fucking point whatsoever (It's going to take a couple decades for the many many many realistic headshots in Schindler's List to wear off. Seeing the cartoon version just kind of agitates things) it stole Sherlock Holmes's soundtrack (In its defense, it also stole Hans Zimmer) the special effects in it went from "Did we raid Dark Crystal's wardrome?" to "Atari" about halfway through, and it had misogyny. Oh, I'm sorry. That was understated.
IT HAD MISOGYNY
Yep. We had the Old Lady Witch, the Confident Female A'LA Ravenna Witch, the Token Lesbian of Evil witch, the White Witch of Virginal Purity The Male Lead Wants To But Will Never Fuck (Seriously. The second she came on screen I thought "She's a witch" and then thought "Cue unicorn" because VIRGINAL SYMBOLISM IS VIRGINAL) and yeah, did I mention the white witch thing? That CLEARLY only existed to mitigate the whole "WE ARE JUDGING PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR ON THEIR APPEARANCE THEY ARE TOTALLY ARABS BLACK PEOPLE GANGSTERS WITCHES" vibe that wasn't just part of the movie, it was a major fucking plot point? AND DID WE SERIOUSLY DECIDE THAT ALL WITCHES EVER WERE EVIL WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE STARTING? Did the movie-makers just not get the "This is the IRL religion of millions of people" memo when they decided to blanket-cast witches as the bad guys? I don't know which was it's most stand out feature: That we did the whole "only bad witches are ugly (and bonus points, OLD!)" trope in fucking 2012 or that there was a fucking middle age taser.
A TASER.
THAT YOU WOUND UP LIKE ONE OF THOSE DYNAMO FLASHLIGHTS.
AND THEN USED TO SHOCK OLD UGLY WOMEN UNCONSCIOUS BECAUSE WITCHES.
THE FEMALE LEAD USED IT TO JUMPSTART A TROLL'S HEART. LIKE IT WAS SOME KIND OF DEFIBRILLATOR. BECAUSE A MOTHERFUCKING TASER IS A DEFIBRILLATOR. EXACTLY.
In short, the movie was nine kinds of painful awesome, and as soon as the riftrax exists I'm going to watch it with my brother because MIDDLE AGE TASER AND WHITE WITCH WITH GATLING GUN AND NO SWORDS I think I'll need to film his reaction and post it on youtube for posterity.
Yes. I love terrible things. Deal.
So how's Ruben doing?
...he's sneaking into Laura's house uninvited.
Let's go back to talking about a shitty fairy-tale reboot. The stupid there was actually entertaining.
Yeah, we get a long tour of Laura's house, and by long I mean we find out the names of the authors of all her books and who painted her cutesy landscapes on the wall. Whoever "Collette D" is, she'd better be either a major character in the novel or Anne Rice's BFF.
Laura comes into the house with her arms full of groceries and sees Wolf!Ruben standing in her living room, uninvited. He calls her beautiful.
The correct reaction to this is to leave the house very quickly, find the nearest projectile weapon and hold it at an optimal angle while dialing the cops, because GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Laura, of course, runs into Ruben's arms while sobbing because Ruben is the main character of an Anne Rice novel.
We move onto the sex very quickly. I will note paste it in here, but rest assured, boys and girls, Laura's nipples look like rose petals.
The chapter ends.
Next chapter.
Wolf!Ruben builds a fire because Ambiance. Laura comes down in another blowsy nightgown. Oh good. It's time to bond.
Laura tells Ruben people are looking for him. Ruben asks if she isn't scared living alone and Laura pinches Ruben's nipple.
...these people have all the depth of a sheet of saran wrap.
Ruben explains about him killing people because the voices in his head tell him to. AGAIN: CORRECT RESPONSE IS GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Instead, Laura uses Ruben's own attack during the death of Marchant to show Ruben that he's actively careful. Because she thinks that Wolf!Ruben rescued human Ruben.
One of my favorite books is Rebecca. The scene where Maxim confesses to murdering Rebecca to Mrs. De Winter comes to mind. Mostly because that book was fucked up on about six levels and it played it perfectly straight on all of them. I am reminded of that because Mrs. De Winter was a superior character to Laura, and we're talking about a chick who was happy her husband killed his previous wife because it meant he could only possibly love her. Mrs. De Winter loved Maxim because she was a co-dependant little mouse and it fit into her character. Laura loves Ruben because Anne Rice can't let a single strong female character exist.
Ruben can now explain that he is "that boy up north" but decides not to, because Human!Ruben isn't interesting enough.
Laura is like one of those women who decides to date a heroin addict because she likes his bad boy persona and she thinks it won't be that hard to help him sober up.
Ruben decides he loves Laura because he's fucked her twice, as opposed to just one time with Marchant. Then he decides he'd like to hunt a bobcat, but Laura might find the blood all icky. Then Anne Rice decides to show up and talk about how "we human beings" insulate ourselves from life's horrors, because of course we all live in perfect padded mansions and get paid lots and lots of money.
I am running out of fires to tell characters to go die in.
Ruben then leaves to go save Random Victim from Random Criminals, and then to go stay at...oh dear god in heaven, "at the charming and beautiful little hotel called the Mill Valley Inn."
Well, now we know where Anne Rice stays when she has book signings in that part of california.
Having changed back, he goes up to his room and passes out, but not before vowing to see Laura again.
Volcano. Ruben, go die in a volcano.
We watched Hansel and Gretel here at Casa CW tonight. It was a movie I was vaguely interested in, in that "Hey, this looks steampunky and cool and a little bit like the Brother's Grim, which was cool in its own atmospheric medocure way" way, but I didn't really know much about it past the trailers.
How did I react to it? Well, in a word:
Let's see, we had RANDOM FUCKING GUNS (I would have given them the things if somebody--say, Leonardo da Vinci or another Brilliant Not-Wizard had been behind the things, but it wasn't just the main characters who had them. EVERYBODY IN THIS MEDIEVAL PERIOD PIECE HAD GUNS) violence that served no fucking point whatsoever (It's going to take a couple decades for the many many many realistic headshots in Schindler's List to wear off. Seeing the cartoon version just kind of agitates things) it stole Sherlock Holmes's soundtrack (In its defense, it also stole Hans Zimmer) the special effects in it went from "Did we raid Dark Crystal's wardrome?" to "Atari" about halfway through, and it had misogyny. Oh, I'm sorry. That was understated.IT HAD MISOGYNY
Yep. We had the Old Lady Witch, the Confident Female A'LA Ravenna Witch, the Token Lesbian of Evil witch, the White Witch of Virginal Purity The Male Lead Wants To But Will Never Fuck (Seriously. The second she came on screen I thought "She's a witch" and then thought "Cue unicorn" because VIRGINAL SYMBOLISM IS VIRGINAL) and yeah, did I mention the white witch thing? That CLEARLY only existed to mitigate the whole "WE ARE JUDGING PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR ON THEIR APPEARANCE THEY ARE TOTALLY ARABS BLACK PEOPLE GANGSTERS WITCHES" vibe that wasn't just part of the movie, it was a major fucking plot point? AND DID WE SERIOUSLY DECIDE THAT ALL WITCHES EVER WERE EVIL WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE STARTING? Did the movie-makers just not get the "This is the IRL religion of millions of people" memo when they decided to blanket-cast witches as the bad guys? I don't know which was it's most stand out feature: That we did the whole "only bad witches are ugly (and bonus points, OLD!)" trope in fucking 2012 or that there was a fucking middle age taser.
A TASER.
THAT YOU WOUND UP LIKE ONE OF THOSE DYNAMO FLASHLIGHTS.
AND THEN USED TO SHOCK OLD UGLY WOMEN UNCONSCIOUS BECAUSE WITCHES.
THE FEMALE LEAD USED IT TO JUMPSTART A TROLL'S HEART. LIKE IT WAS SOME KIND OF DEFIBRILLATOR. BECAUSE A MOTHERFUCKING TASER IS A DEFIBRILLATOR. EXACTLY.
In short, the movie was nine kinds of painful awesome, and as soon as the riftrax exists I'm going to watch it with my brother because MIDDLE AGE TASER AND WHITE WITCH WITH GATLING GUN AND NO SWORDS I think I'll need to film his reaction and post it on youtube for posterity.
Yes. I love terrible things. Deal.
So how's Ruben doing?
...he's sneaking into Laura's house uninvited.
Let's go back to talking about a shitty fairy-tale reboot. The stupid there was actually entertaining.
Yeah, we get a long tour of Laura's house, and by long I mean we find out the names of the authors of all her books and who painted her cutesy landscapes on the wall. Whoever "Collette D" is, she'd better be either a major character in the novel or Anne Rice's BFF.
Laura comes into the house with her arms full of groceries and sees Wolf!Ruben standing in her living room, uninvited. He calls her beautiful.
The correct reaction to this is to leave the house very quickly, find the nearest projectile weapon and hold it at an optimal angle while dialing the cops, because GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Laura, of course, runs into Ruben's arms while sobbing because Ruben is the main character of an Anne Rice novel.
We move onto the sex very quickly. I will note paste it in here, but rest assured, boys and girls, Laura's nipples look like rose petals.
The chapter ends.
Next chapter.
Wolf!Ruben builds a fire because Ambiance. Laura comes down in another blowsy nightgown. Oh good. It's time to bond.
Laura tells Ruben people are looking for him. Ruben asks if she isn't scared living alone and Laura pinches Ruben's nipple.
...these people have all the depth of a sheet of saran wrap.
Ruben explains about him killing people because the voices in his head tell him to. AGAIN: CORRECT RESPONSE IS GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Instead, Laura uses Ruben's own attack during the death of Marchant to show Ruben that he's actively careful. Because she thinks that Wolf!Ruben rescued human Ruben.
One of my favorite books is Rebecca. The scene where Maxim confesses to murdering Rebecca to Mrs. De Winter comes to mind. Mostly because that book was fucked up on about six levels and it played it perfectly straight on all of them. I am reminded of that because Mrs. De Winter was a superior character to Laura, and we're talking about a chick who was happy her husband killed his previous wife because it meant he could only possibly love her. Mrs. De Winter loved Maxim because she was a co-dependant little mouse and it fit into her character. Laura loves Ruben because Anne Rice can't let a single strong female character exist.
Ruben can now explain that he is "that boy up north" but decides not to, because Human!Ruben isn't interesting enough.
Laura is like one of those women who decides to date a heroin addict because she likes his bad boy persona and she thinks it won't be that hard to help him sober up.
Ruben decides he loves Laura because he's fucked her twice, as opposed to just one time with Marchant. Then he decides he'd like to hunt a bobcat, but Laura might find the blood all icky. Then Anne Rice decides to show up and talk about how "we human beings" insulate ourselves from life's horrors, because of course we all live in perfect padded mansions and get paid lots and lots of money.
I am running out of fires to tell characters to go die in.
Ruben then leaves to go save Random Victim from Random Criminals, and then to go stay at...oh dear god in heaven, "at the charming and beautiful little hotel called the Mill Valley Inn."
Well, now we know where Anne Rice stays when she has book signings in that part of california.
Having changed back, he goes up to his room and passes out, but not before vowing to see Laura again.
Volcano. Ruben, go die in a volcano.
STARBLEACHED: VALKYRIE ETA
Formatting is mostly finished, and I'm in the process of making sure that all my Is are dotted and that my Ts cross.
It should all be uploaded around midnight tonight.
We are almost there, guys!
It should all be uploaded around midnight tonight.
We are almost there, guys!
STARBLEACHED: VALKERIE COVER ART! DONE!
There. There's the pretty picture for the day.I'm gonna go to bed now.
June 2, 2013
The Wolf Gift--Chapter 14
So I goofed off a little bit this afternoon after work and took a nap. Then we watched Schindler's list.
I'm Scots-Irish on my dad's side. On my mom's side, though, I'm German (Grandma's maiden name was Volkman). I've always been proud of the Irish part, and the Scots part--I get awesome lace knitting, bagpipes, the best tapdancing in the universe and an akward attempt at merchandising passed off as actual heritage. But over the last few months I've been coming to the realization that the other half of my heritage is the worst part of human history ever. From the POV of the people that did it.
It's not my fault, but that's my heritage. And it's ugly. And there's nothing I can do except learn what it was, because to do otherwise is a lot like pretending it never happened.
Of course, I didn't realize what it was until I started explaining to Mom what, exactly, a particular scene meant and I realized I was using the word "We" to refer to the Nazis.
In short: I agree with Oskar. He should have sold the car and the pin.
I have no idea what to do with this. It's still in its nascent phase.
So. Where are we in the book?
Ruben just spilled the beans to his brother. By first manipulating him into a position where he couldn't tell the cops what happened, because, you know, fuck actually trusting anybody.
(...also? If I were Jim? I'd be calling crimestoppers and leaving anonymous tips because Ruben ate the kidnapper's head.)
So Ruben goes back to his motel and paces until the change happens.
We find out it was orgasmic.
I totally needed to know that. I also needed to know that Ruben takes yet more selfies during this entire progress. Yo, Rubes? You ever get caught? That phone is going to nail your ass. Just a thought.
Ruben gets a call from Leroy stating that Marchant had ordered two orchid trees--I don't blame her, those things are gorgeous--and does Ruben want them now? Cue. the. fucking. waterworks.
What, it's taken you twenty-three years to cry? THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE MOURNED A LOSS? Also, those are really non-specific orders. Given how much fucking money you are implied to have, Rubes baby, Galton could probably order more plants than you ever dreamed of.
I want him to plant Rafflesia in Ruben's bedroom. I think it'd be fitting
Ruben then sends e-mails to all the people he hasn't spoken to in the last several days. This includes his boss. Amazing that he gets to have a job where he can just vanish for days on end and nobody gives a shit. Here in Texas we call that "Getting fired", but I guess California is a little different.
Ruben also dumps Celeste via e-mail. Because that's mature.
And then Ruben hears a gunshot and turns back into the wolf and goes running off to stop somebody from murdering his wife and children. He doesn't save the wife, but does save the kids, who have the "sweetest, loveliest scent", according to Ruben's magical evil-finding nose.
A note: Evil is Ruben's natural prey. Evil, therefore ought to smell really good to him. That's why things that smell good to us, well, smell good to us. That's our body telling us that we want to eat that thing, whatever it is. This instinct is sometimes wrong (IE perfume, hairspray, deoderant) but that's why we developed attraction to scents anyway.
Also: thinking that little kids smell really good is skeevy as fuck.
The kids praise Ruben as good and "gentle". This, of course, is after he snapped their dad's throat one handed. In graphic detail.
Ruben then realizes that he needs to go back to the World's Perfect Mansion, but he doesn't want to because Laura is here, and he wants to fuck Laura a few more times. So he goes on the internet and doxxes her.
...FIRST by finding a website for tours-for-women by someone with the same first initial as Laura, and then by googling this name until he finds photos of Laura, who is a widow after her (...of course, rich) husband drowned himself and their two kids. Thus turning her into the beautifully damaged woman in the woods who was just waiting for Wolf!Ruben to come and save her from herself.
Fuck. this. book.
Again: I like stories about damaged people. I like stories about damaged people who are getting better. Who are attempting to get un-damaged and healthy, because there is not a harder fight in the universe than untangling your own fucked-up psyche, and if you are trying, well, first off even if you do not feel you are successful you damn well fucking are, and second, you are awesome.
I don't like stories about damaged people when the only point of the damage is to give Le Hero/Heroine something to rescue. If you want your protagonist to save something give them a puppy. If you want to have somebody with baggage in your story give them a gun and/or a line in the sand and let your protagonist take their back, not their victory.
Her acceptance of Ruben and her history of tragety makes her exceptional in Ruben's eyes.
I want to punch something.
Surviving horror does make you exceptional. That does not make the horror you went through okay. And what is disgusting to me is that it isn't Laura's survival that makes her exceptional. No. The phrasing makes her acceptance of Ruben the exceptional thing about her. And she has this history of damage not because it makes her an interesting character, but because it makes her damaged enough to accept a murdering werewolf as a fuck-buddy.
I understand the psychology here, and it isn't "exceptional". It's habitual. Women who have a history of attempting to rescue men repeat this pattern all the time, right down to picking somebody fucked up enough they'd go drown themselves and their kids. It's not a weakness on the woman's part if she repeats the pattern, I want to make that clear. But it's wrong to praise that brokenness as "exceptional love" because it isn't love. It's not love to continue to try to save fucked up men to the exclusion of one's own self and safety. It's co-dependancy, it's an unhealthy pattern, and it's rooted in a tying of one's sense of self to "rescuing" someone else.
Exceptional is the co-dependant woman telling the man she loves more than the whole world to go fuck himself unless he goes to treatment and gets sober. Or just plain leaving, if his actions are putting her life and the lives of others in danger. Exceptional is the act of trying to take your life back from your own history. I don't care who says it or why, or what text they use for justification, but you are never obligated to stay and save somebody else.
Anyway, Ruben continues to gather information on Laura that he can use to manipulate her into staying with him.
The text doesn't even bother trying to sugar coat this:
Yep. IMHO that is an open acknowledgement that he's going to push every button Laura's got to make her stick around. Ruben isn't just an ass, my lovelies, he's a pathological manipulator, a liar, and just in case you forgot, a bleeding murderer. Being deified as a saint.
Edward Cullen isn't this fucking unhealthy.
Ruben thinks about how lonely he feels, and he's got all these people around him, and he goes down the list, starting with his parents and ending with his OH NOT A MEXICAN!Housekeeper Rosy. Who have done nothing in this book except support Ruben, try to help Ruben, talk to Ruben about Ruben's problems and talk about Ruben behind his back.
Ruben then praises himself for not using his contacts to get Laura's SSI and credit reports. Instead, he settles for finding her address and driving up to her house, before pulling off into the woods and parking to sleep until he changes.
I take it back. This is Edward Cullen to a T.
End of chapter.
I'm Scots-Irish on my dad's side. On my mom's side, though, I'm German (Grandma's maiden name was Volkman). I've always been proud of the Irish part, and the Scots part--I get awesome lace knitting, bagpipes, the best tapdancing in the universe and an akward attempt at merchandising passed off as actual heritage. But over the last few months I've been coming to the realization that the other half of my heritage is the worst part of human history ever. From the POV of the people that did it.
It's not my fault, but that's my heritage. And it's ugly. And there's nothing I can do except learn what it was, because to do otherwise is a lot like pretending it never happened.
Of course, I didn't realize what it was until I started explaining to Mom what, exactly, a particular scene meant and I realized I was using the word "We" to refer to the Nazis.
In short: I agree with Oskar. He should have sold the car and the pin.
I have no idea what to do with this. It's still in its nascent phase.
So. Where are we in the book?
Ruben just spilled the beans to his brother. By first manipulating him into a position where he couldn't tell the cops what happened, because, you know, fuck actually trusting anybody.
(...also? If I were Jim? I'd be calling crimestoppers and leaving anonymous tips because Ruben ate the kidnapper's head.)
So Ruben goes back to his motel and paces until the change happens.
We find out it was orgasmic.
I totally needed to know that. I also needed to know that Ruben takes yet more selfies during this entire progress. Yo, Rubes? You ever get caught? That phone is going to nail your ass. Just a thought.
Ruben gets a call from Leroy stating that Marchant had ordered two orchid trees--I don't blame her, those things are gorgeous--and does Ruben want them now? Cue. the. fucking. waterworks.
Reuben felt a lump in his throat. For the first time he knew what that cliché meant. Yes, he wanted the orchid trees. That was terrific. Would Galton order any other plants that he could?
What, it's taken you twenty-three years to cry? THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE MOURNED A LOSS? Also, those are really non-specific orders. Given how much fucking money you are implied to have, Rubes baby, Galton could probably order more plants than you ever dreamed of.
I want him to plant Rafflesia in Ruben's bedroom. I think it'd be fitting
Ruben then sends e-mails to all the people he hasn't spoken to in the last several days. This includes his boss. Amazing that he gets to have a job where he can just vanish for days on end and nobody gives a shit. Here in Texas we call that "Getting fired", but I guess California is a little different.
Ruben also dumps Celeste via e-mail. Because that's mature.
And then Ruben hears a gunshot and turns back into the wolf and goes running off to stop somebody from murdering his wife and children. He doesn't save the wife, but does save the kids, who have the "sweetest, loveliest scent", according to Ruben's magical evil-finding nose.
A note: Evil is Ruben's natural prey. Evil, therefore ought to smell really good to him. That's why things that smell good to us, well, smell good to us. That's our body telling us that we want to eat that thing, whatever it is. This instinct is sometimes wrong (IE perfume, hairspray, deoderant) but that's why we developed attraction to scents anyway.
Also: thinking that little kids smell really good is skeevy as fuck.
The kids praise Ruben as good and "gentle". This, of course, is after he snapped their dad's throat one handed. In graphic detail.
Ruben then realizes that he needs to go back to the World's Perfect Mansion, but he doesn't want to because Laura is here, and he wants to fuck Laura a few more times. So he goes on the internet and doxxes her.
...FIRST by finding a website for tours-for-women by someone with the same first initial as Laura, and then by googling this name until he finds photos of Laura, who is a widow after her (...of course, rich) husband drowned himself and their two kids. Thus turning her into the beautifully damaged woman in the woods who was just waiting for Wolf!Ruben to come and save her from herself.
Fuck. this. book.
Again: I like stories about damaged people. I like stories about damaged people who are getting better. Who are attempting to get un-damaged and healthy, because there is not a harder fight in the universe than untangling your own fucked-up psyche, and if you are trying, well, first off even if you do not feel you are successful you damn well fucking are, and second, you are awesome.
I don't like stories about damaged people when the only point of the damage is to give Le Hero/Heroine something to rescue. If you want your protagonist to save something give them a puppy. If you want to have somebody with baggage in your story give them a gun and/or a line in the sand and let your protagonist take their back, not their victory.
Her acceptance of Ruben and her history of tragety makes her exceptional in Ruben's eyes.
I want to punch something.
Surviving horror does make you exceptional. That does not make the horror you went through okay. And what is disgusting to me is that it isn't Laura's survival that makes her exceptional. No. The phrasing makes her acceptance of Ruben the exceptional thing about her. And she has this history of damage not because it makes her an interesting character, but because it makes her damaged enough to accept a murdering werewolf as a fuck-buddy.
I understand the psychology here, and it isn't "exceptional". It's habitual. Women who have a history of attempting to rescue men repeat this pattern all the time, right down to picking somebody fucked up enough they'd go drown themselves and their kids. It's not a weakness on the woman's part if she repeats the pattern, I want to make that clear. But it's wrong to praise that brokenness as "exceptional love" because it isn't love. It's not love to continue to try to save fucked up men to the exclusion of one's own self and safety. It's co-dependancy, it's an unhealthy pattern, and it's rooted in a tying of one's sense of self to "rescuing" someone else.
Exceptional is the co-dependant woman telling the man she loves more than the whole world to go fuck himself unless he goes to treatment and gets sober. Or just plain leaving, if his actions are putting her life and the lives of others in danger. Exceptional is the act of trying to take your life back from your own history. I don't care who says it or why, or what text they use for justification, but you are never obligated to stay and save somebody else.
Anyway, Ruben continues to gather information on Laura that he can use to manipulate her into staying with him.
The text doesn't even bother trying to sugar coat this:
A terrible sadness for Laura settled over Reuben. I’m ashamed, ashamed that I want you and that it sustains me to think, just to think, that because of all you’ve lost, you might love me.
Yep. IMHO that is an open acknowledgement that he's going to push every button Laura's got to make her stick around. Ruben isn't just an ass, my lovelies, he's a pathological manipulator, a liar, and just in case you forgot, a bleeding murderer. Being deified as a saint.
Edward Cullen isn't this fucking unhealthy.
Ruben thinks about how lonely he feels, and he's got all these people around him, and he goes down the list, starting with his parents and ending with his OH NOT A MEXICAN!Housekeeper Rosy. Who have done nothing in this book except support Ruben, try to help Ruben, talk to Ruben about Ruben's problems and talk about Ruben behind his back.
Ruben then praises himself for not using his contacts to get Laura's SSI and credit reports. Instead, he settles for finding her address and driving up to her house, before pulling off into the woods and parking to sleep until he changes.
I take it back. This is Edward Cullen to a T.
End of chapter.
June 1, 2013
The Wolf Gift--chapter 13
I made it through my (Slow. as. fuck) work shift this morning by making a "David Eddings Drinking Game". On the one hand, it was a fun way to pass that last hour when I had literally nothing left to clean. On the other hand if I ever put it into practice, with my reading speed I would die. This was motivated by my finding a (PERFECTLY LEGAL) ebook of Redemption of Althalus.
Speaking of which, Redemption of Althalus is now on my personal recomendation list for the next book I flog. I love that book to itty bitty pieces (...I've read it about ten times. That is not boasting. That is a sad commentary on my mental state) and yet part of me has been dying to fully explore just how much Eddings recycled when he wrote things.
And it must be said, Eddings is a lot of things. Anita Blake/Merry Gentry level boring isn't one of them. I know I can make reviewing that book funny.
You guys can make other recs. I just need names and titles and fanatical insistance that this be THAT Book.
...Oh god, I have to review this chapter now, don't I?
See, one trope I like in werewolf/vampire/urban fantasy fiction is the new person induction. Especially if the new person is not the main character, but is close to the main character. I do not know why I love this. I just do. Think that scene in Superman two where Clark is just so bent on convincing Lois he isn't Superman that he overacts his fake trip on the love hotel's bearskin rug (LOOK JUST WATCH THE MOVIE OKAY?) and sticks his hand in the burning fireplace while she's sitting right there. It's really hard to ruin these scenes because it's the natural reaction that gives me the warm fuzzies.
Anne Rice ruined it, and I'm not sure how.
Ruben shows up at his brother's church dressed up like a werewolf, gets his brother out of bed and makes him go to confession.
Because his brother couldn't be trusted without that seal, and he can with. Okay. Whatever.
There's also an adjective shift. This is the first time we've visited the down and out. This is the first time we've dropped in on anyone who isn't, you know, Ruben level perfect. Ruben's brother doesn't live in an apartment. He lives in a flophouse. The book then immediately states that Jim is fixing the place up, because god forbid a genetic relation to Ruben live in less than elegant surroundings. It's hard for me to pinpoint why, exactly, I get a "Jim is wasting his life helping people" vibe from these words, but I do. It's like...Charity!? We don't give no stinking charity.
So Ruben drags a preist who has dedicated his life to community service out of bed in the middle of the night because he wants to vent to somebody about being a werewolf. And no. I don't know how long it's been since he fucked Laura, or ate the kidnappers without bothering with fava beans and that Chianti everybody recommended. We basically teleported to Jim's place.
And then he calls his brother on his cell phone, confident that his altered voice will disguise his identity.
Let me repeat that. HE CALLED HIS BROTHER USING HIS OWN PERSONAL CELL PHONE, AND IS CONFIDENT THAT HIS ALTERED VOICE WILL DISGUISE HIS IDENTITY.
Show of hands, folks: how many of us have phones with some kind of caller ID? HOW MANY OF US PROGRAM SAID CALLER ID TO IDENTIFY OUR FAMILIES? Fuck, my family members all get their own Very Special Ringtone.
Jim shows up. We jump into his head for a few sentences, and then go back to Ruben's POV. Jim lets Ruben into the church.
Ruben's first thought is that he could knock his brother out and steal all the church's valuables.
Ruben needs to get shot.
So they go into the confessional, Jim gets all dolled up the way catholic preists do (I was never Catholic so I do not know any of this) and then Ruben takes all his clothes off while werewolf, and his brother promptly loses his shit.
I can't blame him. That's what I'd do.
Jim then promptly gathers all his shit back up, stuffs it under his chair, and calmly continues with the confession, which impresses Ruben. So now we get the game of cat and mouse where Ruben tells Jim things and jim comforts him and then there's an accidental rip or something that will tell Jim that RUben is the werewolf at a later chap--
So Ruben describes his eating of people in GREAT FUCKING DETAIL, and then tells him about the werewolf attack, and how the change is coming earlier and earlier and how much he likes it, and Jim goes from green around the gills straight through deep black WTF territory and comes back out in that kind of calm you get only when the universe has collapsed inward and there's nowhere to go but up.
Jim asks for some kind of proof.
Ruben is all like "BUT I GAVE YOU MY NAME AND HERE IS MOM AND DAD AND CELESTE AND OTHER THINGS I COULD LEARN FROM THE INTERNETS WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED?" and Jim accepts it because there is a werewolf on the other side of the confessional, accepting that it is your brother is a little like accepting that a Time Lord is your next door neighbor.
Anne Rice then shows us how good she is at interpersonal dialogue:
Oh, no. She doesn't need an editor. Oh, no siree.
Jim then starts telling his brother he needs to go get help, and that their mother found a russian specialist who claims they Know Things, and Ruben is all like "IT IS NOT A CURSE IT IS A GIFT" and I am suddenly remembering every addict my parents ever tried to help, and have a sudden, violent urge to put my fist through this book repeatedly.
Ruben also decides that their mother would stick him in some little dark government hole in the interests of curing him. One, he underestimates his mother, and two, he underestimates how thoroughly fucked up he is right now.
They talk about silver bullets for a minute. They don't come to any conclusion about them, mind. They just bring the topic up and bat it around like a badminton birdie.
Ruben tells Jim about Laura.
Jim reacts pretty much the way I did:
Then he actually says something intelligant:
They then discuss DNA, which has cropped up a couple times before and been confusing. Ruben has human DNA, only now it's werewolf DNA, only it could be human DNA, only it's breaking down and changing, only it isn't, except that it might be, and the police don't have Ruben's DNA on file, except they do from the Marchant case, except they don't really because Reasons, and the princess is in another castle. Yeah.
How would a wonderkind crime reporter not understand how DNA works?
Ruben then assures Jim that it isn't magic. We need to get that out of the way right now.
Yeah. One thing I've learned is that when somebody goes way out of their way to avoid using the M word in what would otherwise be paranoramal--that is, magic related--fiction, Christianity is lurking in the wings and it's the kind that pickets abortion clinics and funerals. And I don't have a lot of patience with that. If you want to write magic stories, write magic stories. If you don't, please get the fuck out of my toybox, mkay? Turning magic into misunderstood science and werewolves into a new kind of virus is a little bit like trying to stuff electronics into fried chicken. It serves no purpose and it makes everybody wonder what you smoked last night.
Ruben also keeps calling his brother "Father Jim". Because you'd totally do that with your family.
It might come as a total surprise to you, my dear loyal blog readers, but I really do not like this chapter.
And just in case it isn't clear that this is Ruben getting divine blessing for what he's doing, the chapter closes with this:
I don't know which is worse. The "It's so twee it'd make Applebloom puke" factor, or how no matter what kind of Caligraphy you use, there's no way you could get that "IM BEGGING FOR A QUOTE" quotable onto a Precious Moments placard.
Oh, and Jim? I've got a whole book full of serial killer cases that would like to have a word with you about that high flavor of Calvinism.
Speaking of which, Redemption of Althalus is now on my personal recomendation list for the next book I flog. I love that book to itty bitty pieces (...I've read it about ten times. That is not boasting. That is a sad commentary on my mental state) and yet part of me has been dying to fully explore just how much Eddings recycled when he wrote things.
And it must be said, Eddings is a lot of things. Anita Blake/Merry Gentry level boring isn't one of them. I know I can make reviewing that book funny.
You guys can make other recs. I just need names and titles and fanatical insistance that this be THAT Book.
...Oh god, I have to review this chapter now, don't I?
FATHER JIM LOCKED UP St. Francis at Gubbio Church in San Francisco’s Tenderloin as soon as it was dark. By day, the homeless slept in the pews, and took their meals at the dining room down the street. But at nightfall, for safety’s sake, the church was locked.Father Jim is Ruben's brother. Ruben is about to take my ultimate, all time favorite trope and smash it against the wall. And then shit on the pieces.
See, one trope I like in werewolf/vampire/urban fantasy fiction is the new person induction. Especially if the new person is not the main character, but is close to the main character. I do not know why I love this. I just do. Think that scene in Superman two where Clark is just so bent on convincing Lois he isn't Superman that he overacts his fake trip on the love hotel's bearskin rug (LOOK JUST WATCH THE MOVIE OKAY?) and sticks his hand in the burning fireplace while she's sitting right there. It's really hard to ruin these scenes because it's the natural reaction that gives me the warm fuzzies.
Anne Rice ruined it, and I'm not sure how.
Ruben shows up at his brother's church dressed up like a werewolf, gets his brother out of bed and makes him go to confession.
Because his brother couldn't be trusted without that seal, and he can with. Okay. Whatever.
There's also an adjective shift. This is the first time we've visited the down and out. This is the first time we've dropped in on anyone who isn't, you know, Ruben level perfect. Ruben's brother doesn't live in an apartment. He lives in a flophouse. The book then immediately states that Jim is fixing the place up, because god forbid a genetic relation to Ruben live in less than elegant surroundings. It's hard for me to pinpoint why, exactly, I get a "Jim is wasting his life helping people" vibe from these words, but I do. It's like...Charity!? We don't give no stinking charity.
So Ruben drags a preist who has dedicated his life to community service out of bed in the middle of the night because he wants to vent to somebody about being a werewolf. And no. I don't know how long it's been since he fucked Laura, or ate the kidnappers without bothering with fava beans and that Chianti everybody recommended. We basically teleported to Jim's place.
And then he calls his brother on his cell phone, confident that his altered voice will disguise his identity.
Let me repeat that. HE CALLED HIS BROTHER USING HIS OWN PERSONAL CELL PHONE, AND IS CONFIDENT THAT HIS ALTERED VOICE WILL DISGUISE HIS IDENTITY.
Show of hands, folks: how many of us have phones with some kind of caller ID? HOW MANY OF US PROGRAM SAID CALLER ID TO IDENTIFY OUR FAMILIES? Fuck, my family members all get their own Very Special Ringtone.
Jim shows up. We jump into his head for a few sentences, and then go back to Ruben's POV. Jim lets Ruben into the church.
Ruben's first thought is that he could knock his brother out and steal all the church's valuables.
Ruben needs to get shot.
So they go into the confessional, Jim gets all dolled up the way catholic preists do (I was never Catholic so I do not know any of this) and then Ruben takes all his clothes off while werewolf, and his brother promptly loses his shit.
I can't blame him. That's what I'd do.
Jim then promptly gathers all his shit back up, stuffs it under his chair, and calmly continues with the confession, which impresses Ruben. So now we get the game of cat and mouse where Ruben tells Jim things and jim comforts him and then there's an accidental rip or something that will tell Jim that RUben is the werewolf at a later chap--
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” Reuben said. “And all I tell you now is under the absolute Seal of the Confessional.” “Yes,” said Jim. “Are your intentions sincere?” “Completely. I’m your brother, Reuben.” Jim didn’t utter a word....Anne Rice just doesn't like emotional tension in her books, does she?
So Ruben describes his eating of people in GREAT FUCKING DETAIL, and then tells him about the werewolf attack, and how the change is coming earlier and earlier and how much he likes it, and Jim goes from green around the gills straight through deep black WTF territory and comes back out in that kind of calm you get only when the universe has collapsed inward and there's nowhere to go but up.
Jim asks for some kind of proof.
Ruben is all like "BUT I GAVE YOU MY NAME AND HERE IS MOM AND DAD AND CELESTE AND OTHER THINGS I COULD LEARN FROM THE INTERNETS WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED?" and Jim accepts it because there is a werewolf on the other side of the confessional, accepting that it is your brother is a little like accepting that a Time Lord is your next door neighbor.
Anne Rice then shows us how good she is at interpersonal dialogue:
“Animal,” said Reuben. “I’m a werewolf, Jim. But I’d rather call myself a man wolf. I do actually retain my full consciousness in this state, as ought to be plain enough to you. But it’s not that simple. There are hormones flooding me in this state and they work on my emotions. I am Reuben, yes, but I’m Reuben under a new series of influences. And no one really knows to what extent hormones and emotions influence free will and conscience and inhibition and moral habit.”Right.
Oh, no. She doesn't need an editor. Oh, no siree.
Jim then starts telling his brother he needs to go get help, and that their mother found a russian specialist who claims they Know Things, and Ruben is all like "IT IS NOT A CURSE IT IS A GIFT" and I am suddenly remembering every addict my parents ever tried to help, and have a sudden, violent urge to put my fist through this book repeatedly.
Ruben also decides that their mother would stick him in some little dark government hole in the interests of curing him. One, he underestimates his mother, and two, he underestimates how thoroughly fucked up he is right now.
They talk about silver bullets for a minute. They don't come to any conclusion about them, mind. They just bring the topic up and bat it around like a badminton birdie.
Ruben tells Jim about Laura.
Jim reacts pretty much the way I did:
Then he actually says something intelligant:
“Oh, this is great. Look, you can’t handle this on your own. You can’t handle the power, and from what you’re telling me you can’t handle the loneliness.”Not that this has any effect on the conversation.
They then discuss DNA, which has cropped up a couple times before and been confusing. Ruben has human DNA, only now it's werewolf DNA, only it could be human DNA, only it's breaking down and changing, only it isn't, except that it might be, and the police don't have Ruben's DNA on file, except they do from the Marchant case, except they don't really because Reasons, and the princess is in another castle. Yeah.
How would a wonderkind crime reporter not understand how DNA works?
Ruben then assures Jim that it isn't magic. We need to get that out of the way right now.
Yeah. One thing I've learned is that when somebody goes way out of their way to avoid using the M word in what would otherwise be paranoramal--that is, magic related--fiction, Christianity is lurking in the wings and it's the kind that pickets abortion clinics and funerals. And I don't have a lot of patience with that. If you want to write magic stories, write magic stories. If you don't, please get the fuck out of my toybox, mkay? Turning magic into misunderstood science and werewolves into a new kind of virus is a little bit like trying to stuff electronics into fried chicken. It serves no purpose and it makes everybody wonder what you smoked last night.
Ruben also keeps calling his brother "Father Jim". Because you'd totally do that with your family.
It might come as a total surprise to you, my dear loyal blog readers, but I really do not like this chapter.
And just in case it isn't clear that this is Ruben getting divine blessing for what he's doing, the chapter closes with this:
“May God protect you.”
“And why would He do that?” Reuben asked.
Jim’s voice came back with childlike sincerity: “Because He made you. Whatever you are, He made you. And He knows why and for what purpose.”
I don't know which is worse. The "It's so twee it'd make Applebloom puke" factor, or how no matter what kind of Caligraphy you use, there's no way you could get that "IM BEGGING FOR A QUOTE" quotable onto a Precious Moments placard.Oh, and Jim? I've got a whole book full of serial killer cases that would like to have a word with you about that high flavor of Calvinism.
Starbleached 4: Valkerie update
I am ready to stop painting shiny metal forever.
I blame Julie Bell and Boris Valejho. They are the reason why shiny metal is part of sci fi stuff. It isn't space age unless there is a shit ton of chrome.
I hope to god I never have to paint the Holton Station city-scape. HOLY SHIT THE WHOLE THING IS CHROME.
*sigh*
Anyhoo, here's a progress report:
Yes. I copy and pasted most of the metal shit. It's still going to require a lot of refining.
Adry is so much fun to paint.
Yes. We are still on track for a Tuesday release.
I blame Julie Bell and Boris Valejho. They are the reason why shiny metal is part of sci fi stuff. It isn't space age unless there is a shit ton of chrome.
I hope to god I never have to paint the Holton Station city-scape. HOLY SHIT THE WHOLE THING IS CHROME.
*sigh*
Anyhoo, here's a progress report:
Yes. I copy and pasted most of the metal shit. It's still going to require a lot of refining.Adry is so much fun to paint.
Yes. We are still on track for a Tuesday release.
