E.J. Eisman's Blog, page 7

SUN!

The day is beautiful.  There must be something redeeming in that statement but Iâ€m afraid that means nothing while Iâ€m sitting here inside.  I did a bunch of bitching when the weather was no so great.  Last winter was either ice or snow for the most part.  Technically we are still in spring, but itâ€s a lot more like summer out there and Iâ€m here at home, only stepping outside to have a smoke.  The weather is beautiful.  No rain.  No hail.  The few clouds in the sky are afraid to even show themselves on a day like today.  Only the most brave and puffy are lingering in the spring fresh air.

Most of you are probably screaming through the monitor to get my butt from this house and get some sun.  I have the option of going to a pool for Chrissakes, but Iâ€m still here typing.   Donâ€t get me wrong, I love the beautiful weather.  There something so simple as to get into my car and not have to worry about whether I will have to have a cover on my skin, or even have to trudge through feet of snow, dig out my car, and pray I donâ€t become the a treeâ€s worst nightmare, sliding out of control on ice.  Maybe itâ€s too beautiful.  Yeah, Iâ€ve set it.  With a week of rain coming up in the forecast, I need to take advantage of this perfect day, or living with the Noah effect will make it all the more precious.

Iâ€ve thought about it.  I really need to get out of here.  But here is my dilemma, what am I going to do?  With all these options what could I do? What would I want to do?  If I lived in Key West, I know what to do, go to the beach.  What else would you do?  Here in mostly landlocked Pennsylvania there really isnâ€t much to do.  I donâ€t want to spend money, for what?  Sun?  Most of the time itâ€s free, assuming there is enough sunscreen on you that you donâ€t wind up paying for it in the end.   I know that is just my negativity talking, but there is something to be said for stage 3 melanoma to ruin a guyâ€s day.

Sun has always been a component of my family; picnics, outside parties, etc.  It was the great gatherer; start the grill and they will come.  Hot and sweaty sizzling under the great orange ball in the sky was part of every childhood summer.  There was always a weekend holiday party to be present at.  Meeting the relatives.  Chowing down on food, going home, and lying in bed realizing kind of what it was like to feel like a lobster in a pot of boiling water.   I look back fondly, although at the time I was wonder what the fuck did I do to deserve all this itchy peeling skin in places I didnâ€t know I had.   If I wanted peeling skin, I could have avoided the sun and put rubber cement or Elmerâ€s glue on, wait for it to dry and then peel it off.   NO PAIN!

Cars are whizzing by, I can see though my window.   Trees are all green and smiling, are caressing the gentle breeze.  Joggers run up and down the hill next to me.  Squirrels jump and frolic in the high dandelioned grass, playing tag.  A bird just bumped my window.  Mosquitos are even on the job, sucking blood from unsuspecting naked arms and legs.  This could be a great memory.  I could be lying in bed later in the week, unable to get up because of the drearies brought on by the copious amounts of rain thinking of this time, when once I decided to step from the safety of my apartment, to bask in the rays of the great life giver in the sky.  I could, or I could just watch more television.

Spaghetti with Ketchup

I could make spaghetti with ketchup.  Anyone that knows me that is like fighting words, vomit, or like finding out that McDonald’s is dropping the seasonal McRib sandwich again; there is anger, dismay,  a feeling of being out of control.  I’m all about the San Marzano tomatoes, a can of paste, and a cup of […]

Spaghetti with Ketchup

I’m so frustrated, I could make spaghetti with ketchup.  Anyone that knows me that is like fighting words, vomit, or like finding out that McDonaldâ€s is dropping the seasonal McRib sandwich again; there is anger, dismay,  a feeling of being out of control.  Iâ€m all about the San Marzano tomatoes, a can of paste, and a cup of wine when I make spaghetti sauce.  Mangled pork, in any configuration, with plenty of barbeque sauce, onions, pickles, etc. should be on the menu all the time. The McRib is like the McDonaldâ€s version of White Castle Hamburgers; I buy them by the sack!   Writing sometimes frustrates me to the point where I feel like Iâ€m writing ‘spaghetti with ketchup†instead of taking the time to make the good stuff.  Itâ€s a challenge sitting at the computer, setting the focus of my mind, turning on the music, and go into another world for a while.  Writing is one of those things that can be described as agony and ecstasy. Guess what Iâ€m feeling now?  Itâ€s been a whole week since Iâ€ve had the chance since Iâ€ve put the preverbal ‘pen to paper†but today I had some free time over lunch to go into my special world.  Most real writers have the cavalier attitude of ‘just do it†and when Iâ€m in that zone, I can crank out words as much as anyone.  Well, not anyone, but at least as good as average literate person.   I can spin a phrase or two and soon Iâ€m looking at the bottom of the page ready to go on to the next.

I guess Iâ€m a little concerned.  Iâ€ve been revising my new novel Mariline, and Iâ€ve been making some major changes.  Yes, it worked fine the way it was, but ‘fine†is just not enough.  I want people to ask questions, wonder, want to rip off all their clothes, punch their neighbors, and scratch their head.  I threw out the last 10 chapters and rendered an entirely new ending.  I think itâ€s really come together.   Iâ€ve cut scenes.  Iâ€ve edited down others to make it streamline, accessible, and clean.   It gets right to the story, it doesnâ€t wait around for things to happen.  It has morphed from a scattered NANOWRIMO novel of three years ago, into some monster of a thing.   I think will make a statement, and that statement has an explanation point at the end of it, along with some choice verbs and nouns.   I have to say that because what kind of writer would I be without some braggadocio?

So between having to go the distance like a bloody and beaten prize fighter, and adding more pertinent scenes, Iâ€m staring at a chapter trying to eke out some content. The flickering computer screen is filled with swirling words; some that make sense and others that are merely there as placeholders for others.  Like a sculptor or a painter, I see the medium before me, ready to get my fingernails dirty and my hands all full with slop, hoping not to pull or paint over the beauty and thus make it ugly, losing the meaning, the purpose, the value.

There is a tight rope a writer travels over when revising.  You need to keep fidelity to the story.  You need to keep it tight and clean.  But you also have to know when your poetic bullshit is too much, no matter how much you and the Gods have told you they love it.    Bring back McRIBS!!

When the Interns Are Away

  I’m stuck over the summer without my right hands.  The kiddies have left and I’m am up to my own to answer these questions posted to the comment section of my blogs.  I warn you, they may not be as witty as I’m able.  I’m holding back funnier stuff for a later date and […]

When the Interns Are Away

 

Iâ€m stuck over the summer without my right hands.  The kiddies have left and Iâ€m am up to my own to answer these questions posted to the comment section of my blogs.  I warn you, they may not be as witty as Iâ€m able.  Iâ€m holding back funnier stuff for a later date and time.

When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks a lot! fiscoe@gmail.com, xjsghpboepz@gmail.com

  I have looked into this, and no. There isnâ€t anything on my side to take away this nuisance. Let that be a warning to all of you…

 I donâ€t drop a leave a response, however I looked at a lot of comments on %BLOG_TITLE%. I do have 2 questions for you if you tend not to mind. Is it just me or do some of these remarks appear like they are written by brain dead folks? And, if you are writing at additional online sites, I would like to follow you. Would you post a list of all of all your social pages like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile? wcbfcz@gmail.com

I’m glad you spend the time looking through “%BLOG_TITLE%.”  “%BLOG_TITLE%” one of my favorite posts.

Brain dead folks? I think the PC word would be sentenced handicapped. Not knowing where they are coming from, as not everyone here is from New Jersey, I donâ€t make so many limitations on my praise. A pat on the back is a pat on the back, and a kick in the ass is, well a boost into next Tuesday. I could list all my pages, but the links are on my website http://www.ejeisman.com and right here on the blog site. Look on the navigation bar, youâ€ll see where you need to go.

 Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? Iâ€m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but Iâ€m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Appreciate it! wtdcuarva@gmail.com

I have no clue. Oh, wait…

Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait thereâ€s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? Thatâ€s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. Seo Plugin    ddchnnfc@gmail.com, ibjxujl@gmail.com, rcjldt@gmail.com, sorbxliwf@gmail.com, gejetuwn@gmail.com, dnploafwg@gmail.com, foywtuixkkj@gmail.com, egbanb@gmail.com

 I don’t know if it is any good but there are a bunch of people pushing it.

Hi there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I really enjoy reading through your articles. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same topics? Thanks! qbtytgrw@gmail.com

Hmm, who would want to write like me?

I’ m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new updates. reynaldowylie@inbox.com

Do I? Look above any you will see the link for Twitter. I would be honored for you to follow me!

Hello would ʏou mind letting me know wÒºich wеbhost youâ€re using? Iâ€ve loaded your blog in 3 differеոt broԝsers and I must say this Æ„log loads a lot quicker thеn most. Can you reсommend a good hosting proviÉ—er at a reasoÕ¸able price? Kudos, I aÑ€preciate it! warnerives@gmx.de

I donâ€t know if their price is reasonable but I have my website through Yahoo. Iâ€ve used it for many years and while Iâ€ve been frustrated with it sometimes, it does a decent job for the most part. With the package, I have MySQL and WordPress (for blogs).

 My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find most of your postâ€s to be exactly Iâ€m looking for. Does one offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs? I wouldnâ€t mind creating a post or elaborating on a number of the subjects you write regarding here.  Again, awesome web site!   carmenproctor@gmail.com

Thanks for your high praise.  I do welcome guest bloggers, as I did for Karen Cole on 1/25/2013.  If you have something youâ€d like to talk about, regarding writing or related field, send me an email  ej@ejeisman.com.  I will review the article and if it fits within the parameters Iâ€ve mapped out, I would be happy to post it. 

Thank you all for your comments.

Have A Safe Weekend

Have A Safe Weekend

The Interns Are Restless

In that momentary, abyss between light and light again the next day, some people call it night, there was something extraordinary that happened.  Perhaps TMZ was too busy chasing down Solange and Jay-Z hoping to get another pugilistic exposition between them or they would have covered this ground breaking news here on the home front.   […]

The Interns Are Restless

In that momentary, abyss between light and light again the next day, some people call it night, there was something extraordinary that happened.  Perhaps TMZ was too busy chasing down Solange and Jay-Z hoping to get another pugilistic exposition between them or they would have covered this ground breaking news here on the home front.   After months of denying any involvement, when, yes, it was painfully obvious that there was some indiscreet meetings, close working, and maybe even some physical contact, whether it involved the old “in-and-out”   is still unclear, but  two of my interns are now officially dating.  Their Facebook status†have been changed.  There is no backing out now.

The beacon of Facebook blinded me this morning with their cheery notification in the form of a heart and their two names, weâ€ll call them Miss X and Mister Y and the promise of a commitment, at least until they read this blog, for all eternity.  Just like Ma and Pa Eisman, when they made a solemn oath over a few too many and a high school stick pin, they will be counting on their future grandchildren to be taking care of their diapers when they are old and feeble and drooling onto their bedclothes.

So when did this start?  What magical concoction between the two could ever have brought them together?  Vodka?  Gin?  Jack Daniels?  Beer?  Wine?  Love?  Nah, it could only be chemistry!  Like a bad date from eHarmony.com, they were brought together working for me;  editing, researching, and making bad jokes about each other.  Working close under this high stress, super-heated cauldron of drudgery would have been enough to make crystalized form of zirconium dioxide, but with the proper alignment of each of their charcoal atoms, they have become this diamond in the rough.

Happy?  Of course, I am happy for them.  I wish them well.  It couldnâ€t have happened to a better couple of insanely good looking people, although I am noting a hint of jealousy from the one remaining, who we will call Miss Z.   Miss Z and Mister Y, all though they didnâ€t know that I know, but I know, had had something before.  Does that make Mister Y as man-slut?  Yes, absolutely!   She and I knew about Mister Y and Miss X, before they knew, or were even speaking about it, let alone making the great Facebook commitment.    Miss Z had her cry.  Sheâ€s let Mister Y go, and now they can still pretend to be friends, although,  Iâ€m sure she would surely put a fish gutting knife in his ribs as much as give him the time of day.  As pleased as I would be to see such a graphic display, Iâ€ve made sure that that all sharp implements are kept under lock and key, or evacuated from the building before they arrived for work this morning.

Two more weeks and they will be free of working for me, so why make such a commitment now?   Iâ€m really starting to think it was as much as a statement of “screw Miss Z” as much as statement of love between Miss X and Mister Y.  In two weeks they will be on to their next adventures as interns as they make their way through the education system.  I wouldnâ€t even be writing about this.  Iâ€d have to think of another topic, like socks, instead of relaying this juicy bit of workplace indiscretion.  Perhaps it was tempting immortality.  They could have been just a couple of college students that fall in love, and that was it.  By stating now, they have this blog written about them.  When they get old they can show it to their children, and their childrenâ€s children, and be reminded about their moment of dedication to each other, and thus making their love immortal, even if their Facebook allegiance is finite.

Where Is Spring?

The summer winds came in way too early this year; I like warm weather, but not right after snow.  Much of my happy childhood memories revolve around this concept called “spring.”  Perhaps in your distant days the echoes of spring are still resident in your memory.  It is one of my most beloved seasons, because […]