Terri Herman-Poncé's Blog: Terri Herman-Ponce, page 2
January 14, 2018
Why Social Media Is Stressing Us Out
Social media is a great thing. It can also be a dangerous thing — to your happiness and peace of mind.
Sure, posting your life stories and thoughts and updates on Twitter or Instagram or Facebook or any other social media of choice can make you feel good. It can give you a sense of community or belonging. It can help you make friends and influence people. It can also help grow your business and network.
It can also make you miserable.
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According to recent survey statistics, we’ve never felt more alone than we do right now in the 21st century. Despite all the clicking and refreshing, the uploads and likes, the memes and laughs and fuzzy kittens, we’ve become empty. Many people are addicted to social media or, at the very least, are using it to provide a sense of self worth. People not only look for the immediate gratification of getting the approving “likes” of what they’ve posted, they crave it. Or, conversely, people become addicted to seeing the new posts their peers have posted so they can join in the “like” brigade.
It can make for a less-than-fulfilling and hollow experience.
Which brings me to the point of today’s blog.
The more I’ve read about this subject, the more I’ve discovered just how tethered we’ve become to social media. It’s become something we don’t want to live without and yet, somewhere deep down, we know that over-reliance on it isn’t good for us. It’s stressing us out. How often has this scenario happened to you? You go on Instagram and see all these posts from people showing happy, smiling faces. Pictures of a party, or a vacation, or a night out or memorable event. And you sit there, smiling back at the image at first, sharing in the joy and laughter, until a little thought starts niggling at you. Then, without even realizing it, other emotions are triggered. Maybe you start feeling resentment, or envy, or sadness. Maybe your happiness suddenly slides into emptiness, and your smile disappears. And the next thing you know, your previously good mood is gone and all of a sudden you feel bad.
But, rest assured, all is not lost. If you’re one of those people who finds social media elicits feelings of sadness or FOMO (fear of missing out), I have a few tricks for you. Ways to turn the social media experience into something helpful. More mindful. So, the next time you explore your favorite social media sites, try this:
Find a comfortable, alert, and ready posture. Shrug your shoulders, take a few breaths, and bring awareness to your physical and emotional state in that particular moment.
Then, open your computer or click on your phone.
Before you open up your favorite social media site, consider your intentions and expectations. As you focus on the icon, notice what experiences you have in your mind and body.
Why are you about to check this site? What are you hoping to see or not see? How are you going to respond to different kinds of updates you encounter? By checking your social media, are you interested in connecting or in disconnecting and distracting?
Close your eyes and focus on your emotional state for three breaths before you begin to engage.
Opening your eyes now, look at the first status update or photo, and then sit back and close your eyes again.
Notice your response—your emotion. Is it excitement? Boredom? Jealousy? Regret? Fear? How do you experience this emotion in the mind and body? What’s the urge—to read on, to click a response, to share yourself, or something else?
Wait a breath or two for the sensations and emotions to fade, or focus on your breath, body, or surrounding sounds.
Try this practice with one social media update, or for three or five minutes, depending on your time and your practice.
“Noticing how social media makes you feel can help you discover how to use it more mindfully. As you become more aware of the emotions you’re actually inviting into your day when you visit social media sites, you’ll be able to make better decisions about how often to visit those sites.
And, keep in mind, the science of social media is more complex than we might think. For example, research shows that the more we look at others’ carefully curated social media status, the worse we tend to feel. But, the opposite is also true: if we look back at our own updates, we often see the positive aspects of our life presented and tend to feel better. So consider scrolling through your own updates sometimes, as you look at everyone else’s.
Technology does not define us, despite social media trying to put us into categories and reduce us to a series of likes and interests. Examining and changing our own relationship to technology opens the door for us teach through example and to practice new ways of making technology foster community and wellness.”
This content was wonderfully curated by the folks at mindful.org. Though initially written for the adolescent, it applies to everyone.
Namaste
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Copyright © 2012-2018 · All Rights Reserved · TerriPonce.com
December 17, 2017
Holiday Books – Great Reads, Great Gifts
Last year, I posted a holiday reading list people adored (which some folks asked for again this year!). In the spirit of this wonderful season, I’m reposting that blog in the hopes it’ll inspire, delight, and maybe give you a few gift-giving ideas.
Whatever holiday you celebrate, I wish you a warm and wonderful time with family and friends–and a New Year filled with health, happiness, and love.
Namaste
[image error]The Snowman (Raymond Briggs)
A little boy rushes out into the wintry day to build a snowman, which comes alive in his dreams that night.
[image error]The Gift of the Magi (O. Henry)
A sentimental story with a moral lesson about gift-giving.
A Christmas Carol (Charles Dickens)
Written by one of England’s greatest and most popular novelists, this story has come to epitomize the true meaning of Christmas.
[image error]Too Many Tamales (Gary Soto and Ed Martinez)
Christmas Eve started out so perfectly for Maria. Snow had fallen and the streets glittered. Maria’s favorite cousins were coming over and she got to help make the tamales for Christmas dinner. It was almost too good to be true when her mother left the kitchen for a moment and Maria got to try on her beautiful diamond ring . . .
[image error]The First Noel: A Christmas Carousel (Jan Pienkowski)
Part carousel, part shadow box, this elegant, stand-alone Nativity book, designed by a master paper engineer, reflects all the wonder of Christmas and will be treasured for seasons to come.
[image error]The Polar Express (Chris Van Allsburg)
A young boy, lying awake one Christmas Eve, is welcomed aboard a magical trip to the North Pole.
[image error]The Legend of the Poinsettia (Tomie dePaola)
This Mexican legend tells how the poinsettia came to be, through a little girl’s unselfish gift to the Christ Child.
[image error]Madeline’s Christmas (Ludwig Bemelmans)
Something is not right with the famous “twelve little girls in two straight lines.” All are sick in bed except brave Madeline, who must run the school, for even Miss Clavel is not feeling very well. But when Madeline finds help from a magical merchant, the girls embark on a Christmas journey that will surely make them forget their sniffles and sneezes.
[image error]Holidays on Ice (David Sedaris)
Once the kids are in bed, put a bit of Baileys in that hot chocolate and curl up with this hilarious collection of holiday stories by humorist Sedaris — he’ll make your own family look a little saner by comparison.
[image error]The Snow Queen (Hans Christian Andersen)
When a boy is cursed with an inability to perceive goodness, a young girl must go on a lonely quest to restore his heart and vision and free him from captivity in the palace of the Snow Queen. A classic tale of the power of love to conquer even the chilliest hearts.
[image error]Christmas Treasury (Louisa May Alcott)
Readers of all ages will cherish these fifteen enchanting tales filled with hope, sorrow, faith, joy, redemption, strength, and goodness from the author of Little Women.
[image error]The Christmas Train (David Baldacci)
On a train ride to Los Angeles, cash-strapped journalist Tom Langdon encounters a ridiculous cast of characters, unexpected romance, and an avalanche that changes everyone’s Christmas plans.
The Faber Book of Christmas (Simon Rae)
The history of Christmas across the world that you might not have heard about. Best not to ask what’s for Christmas lunch on the 19th century American Emigrant trail.
[image error]The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (Barbara Robinson)
The Herdmans are the worst kids in the history of the world. They lie, steal, smoke cigars, swear, and hit little kids. So no one is prepared when this outlaw family invades church one Sunday and decides to take over the annual Christmas pageant. None of the Herdmans has ever heard the Christmas story before. Their interpretation of the tale has a lot of people up in arms. But it will make this year’s pageant the most unusual anyone has seen and, just possibly, the best one ever.
Copyright © 2012-2017 · All Rights Reserved · TerriPonce.com
Filed under: Stories Behind The Stories Tagged: Christmas, Christmas Books, Christmas gifts, Christmas reading, Christmas Stories, holiday gifts, Holiday Reading
November 19, 2017
Giving Thanks – Through Mindfulness
Millions of Americans celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday in November every year. For many, it’s their favorite holiday. A day to spend with family, to give thanks for blessings, and to officially usher in the holiday season.
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copyright Alice Popkorn | Flickr
For me, what stands out as most memorable in Thanksgiving tradition is the mindfulness behind the holiday. Yes, it’s about spending time with loved ones and giving thanks for the bounties in our lives (food and otherwise), but it’s also about the appreciation of every moment spent. For me, it’s savoring flavors and conversation as well as reveling in the little things. For me, it’s taking the time to simply be.
This is perhaps an unusual way of looking at Thanksgiving; however, I believe that mindfulness is a way of practicing the giving of thanks in everyday moments, every day. In focusing on small beauties. In finding positives within challenge. In embracing peace and tranquility and harmony because giving thanks on any level, big or small, can give rise to true and deep happiness.
Tucked away in my Mindfulness file was a piece written over three years ago that’s still very appropriate today. Though the blog focuses on the things mindful people do differently every day, it also shows us why mindful people can more easily find peace and happiness in their lives that, in turn, lead to more thankful lives. Things such as:
Taking walks. Daily walks give us an opportunity to become one with Mother Nature, to enjoy its delicate balance, and to enjoy all our beautiful planet has to offer.
Turning daily tasks into mindful moments. Being aware in even the most menial of tasks, such as washing dishes, can offer a profound sense of peace and stillness.
Creating. Humans all have a creative side and mindfulness boosts creative thinking. And when you engage in creative work, you flow into a state of heightened consciousness.
Paying attention to breathing. Have you ever focused on your breathing? I mean really focused on it? Take in a long and deep breath and you’ll discover it’s an amazingly warm and sweet thing. Something to truly be thankful for.
Unitasking. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, humans can’t multi-task. More than that, multi-tasking leads to lack of focus, mistakes, and unnecessary stress. Unitasking, however–focusing on one task for a given period of time–lets the brain work at its best. It also makes us more productive, less pressured, and more fulfilled.
Knowing when NOT to check your phone. Many of us are addicted to mobile devices. We check them when we’re out to dinner with a spouse. Just before bedtime and just after wake-up. While we’re walking, and even driving. They keep us from truly connecting with others. But putting the phone aside, even for a short time every day, gives us the chance to savor moments we otherwise would miss. And be thankful for.
Seeking out new experiences. Adventures teach us to be here. They awaken our senses and allow us to embrace both our pleasant and our difficult emotions. To step into the unknown. How exciting!
Feeling what they’re feeling. Mindfulness isn’t about being happy all the time. It’s about acceptance of the moment we’re in and feeling whatever we feel without trying to resist or control it. As Mother Teresa put it, “Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.”
And there you have it. Ways to incorporate mindfulness practices into your life, every day, so that you can be more thankful. Every day.
Want to read more? Check out 13 Things Mindful People Do Differently Every Day.
Namaste.
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Copyright © 2012-2017 · All Rights Reserved · TerriPonce.com
Filed under: Stories Behind The Stories Tagged: feelings, giving thanks, happiness, mindfulness, Self Awareness, self improvement, Thanksgiving
October 29, 2017
7 Lies Keeping You from Happiness
Happiness.
A simple word that, ironically, can foster a lot of questions and a lot of anxiety.
What is happiness?
Why am I not happy?
Am I happy enough?
Is this what happiness feels like?
Why does so-and-so look happier than me?
But most of all, how do I become happy?
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copyright Pocket1601 | flickr
Our thoughts can ramble on and on, questioning what seems to be the elusive pursuit of happiness. More than that, we often tell ourselves lies to make us feel better, thinking that’s how we’ll obtain happiness. Someday. Sometime.
But here’s the thing. Happiness DOES exist in each of us. Right now. Here. Today. All you need are the tools to uncover it and, with practice, tapping into your happiness can become easier than you think.
Here are some tips:
“He or she will change.” Newsflash: You can’t “fix” or change anyone—ever.
“I’ll do it ‘one day.'” Newsflash: The present is all you’ve got.
“If I had more time, I would do X, Y, and Z.” Newsflash: You may be wasting more time on things that don’t matter than you realize.
“If I could just have X, everything would be so much better.” Newsflash: If you’re not happy now, you won’t be happier when you get “the prize”.
“I’m stuck.” Newsflash: You always have a choice, even when you think you don’t.
“I’m not ready to do X.” Newsflash: No one ever truly feels ready to do anything. We just begin.
“I’m not good enough.” Newsflash: This is the biggest lie of all. You are good enough. Every day in every way.
So stop lying to yourself. The only thing keeping you from taking the steps to being happier is you.
Want to read more? I found all this wonderful advice on Greatist’s blog about happiness.
Go on. I dare you to become happy.
Namaste.
Copyright © 2012-2017 · All Rights Reserved · TerriPonce.com
Filed under: Stories Behind The Stories Tagged: acceptance, change, greatist.com, happiness, happy life, life lessons, mindfulness, Self Awareness, Self Esteem, self improvement
October 21, 2017
COVER REVEAL: The Past Life Series Has a New Look!
When In This Life was first published in 2012 (OMG, 5 years ago!), I had an idea in mind for the Past Life Series. But as much as I love to write and read about twists and turns and the unexplainable, the Past Life Series took a few unexpected twists and turns right back on me.
I had visions of Lottie and David and Galen facing challenges in learning about their past lives over twelve thousand years. I saw Lottie and David’s relationship tested by Galen’s ever-growing hunger for Lottie. I imagined mysteries developing over their knowledge of man’s history — from Paleolithic times through ancient Egypt until now — knowledge that no one else knew or shared.
All of that happened over the course of the first three books. And yet it also didn’t.
Instead, Lottie and David and Galen exposed secrets I never knew. Secrets that changed my world.
Secrets that will change yours.
Welcome to the newly branded Past Life Series.
Where second chances test passion, reality, and love.
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cover by Steven Novak
When psychologist Lottie Morgan meets Galen, their encounter is as intense as it is eye-opening. Something about him is familiar. His looks. His words. His touch.
Lottie can’t resist the urge to know more about him, or the smoldering memories that surface every time he’s near. Only Galen’s keeping a dangerous secret, one linked to a life shared thousands of years ago. One that could destroy the relationship Lottie has with her current lover David.
One that is about to cost Lottie her life. Again.
Take a trip to mysterious ancient Egypt, where powerful passions ignite and deadly deceptions begin. The Past Life Series starts here.
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cover by Steven Novak
David Bellotti has carried a secret for all his lives.
When a chance encounter triggers the memory of a life 12,000 years ago, David is forced into a dangerous game against people determined to expose the very truth he has guarded for millennia — threatening the woman he loves, the life he has made for himself, and the daughter he never knew he had.
Find your way back through alternate history, when hunter-gatherers roamed and David and Lottie’s past incarnations began.
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cover by Steven Novak
David Bellotti’s only focus is to find his abducted twelve-year old daughter. When he sees her on a news segment with her captor, a renowned archaeologist who’s made a major discovery, David sets out to bring her back home. But the search leads him to a long-buried message that could alter man’s history forever.
A message David and his daughter inscribed twelve thousand years ago.
A message that is dangerous in the wrong hands.
In a life-threatening race to protect past and future, David is forced to make the ultimate choice. Safeguard mankind from a secret that must remain hidden. Or save his little girl.
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Cover by Steven Novak
They’ve carried secrets for all their lives.
Those secrets are about to change yours.
THE PAST LIFE SERIES
Where second chances test passion, reality, and love.
A HUGE shout out to Steven Novak of Novak Illustration for his artistry, talent, and creativity. Without him, my new covers would never have come to life.
Copyright © 2012-2017 · All Rights Reserved · TerriPonce.com
Filed under: Stories Behind The Stories Tagged: alternate history, Amazon, bundle, COVET, David Bellotti, historical fantasy, In This LIfe, Kindle, love triangle, Novak Illustrations, OOParts, paranormal, paranormal books, paranormal suspense, Past Life series, reincarnation, romance, soul mate, Steven Novak, suspense, Terri Herman-Ponce, Yesterday People
October 15, 2017
Small Actions Have the Biggest Impact, and It All Starts with You
It’s easy to get caught up in our own mindset and personal place, which means it’s easy to forget that the smallest of our actions can have a very large impact.
In a world of almost 7.5 billion people (wow!), it’s also just as easy to forget that we, as individuals, really can make a difference despite the number of people on this wonderful, beautiful, and amazing planet.
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I found a blog on DailyOM that discusses how our actions, seemingly sometimes small as they are, can have the most profound impact on the people around us (The Ripple Effect). In fact, what may appear to be an insignificant something-or-other said by you to another person can cause great joy or amazing inspiration…or debilitating anxiety and even emotional pain.
This is where I ask you to pause. And think.
Think about how easy it is to dismiss someone else’s feelings in favor of your own thoughts and actions and emotions. We all do it, most of the time without thinking about the consequences. I did it myself the other day, in fact. But if you think about it, the tiniest shift in perspective, and actions, has a greater impact on the world than you could ever imagine.
A smile directed at a stranger can inspire that stranger to smile at someone else.
A compliment given to a friend can motivate them to compliment another friend.
An attitude of laughter can translate into laughter in a bigger group.
A thoughtful gesture can encourage someone to be thoughtful, too.
It’s not that hard. We only make it harder than it has to be. One small word. One small thought. One small gesture.
It all starts with you.
Namaste
(want more inspiration? click here for the full DailyOM post)
Copyright © 2012-2017 · All Rights Reserved · TerriPonce.com
Filed under: Stories Behind The Stories Tagged: change, DailyOM, happiness, life lessons, love, mindfulness, Self Awareness, self improvement
October 8, 2017
10 Creepy, and Highly Suggested, Psychological Thrillers
Well, it’s been MONTHS since I posted on my blog — and I’m sorry! But real life got in the way with all kinds of life changes that brought great adventures.
And now that things are settling down, I finally (finally!) get to blog again. Lucky you. Or me. Or someone. LOL
Anyhoo, I found a list of creepy psychological thrillers from a reviewer at Publisher’s Weekly that will, uh, thrill. Considering it’s October, the timing probably couldn’t be better. 
July 9, 2017
10 toxic personalities and why you should avoid them
We’ve been around all of them. People who use you. People who manipulate you. People who judge you or suck the life out of you or gossip about you (and everything else they hear).
The thing is, on the surface of your relationship, or at the outset of it, such people may seem quite benign. Even downright friendly. But something changes along the way and suddenly you’re looking at a person you thought you knew but, well, apparently didn’t. Then you wonder what went wrong, and why.
But here’s the good news. Once you understand what the 10 toxic personalities are all about, you’ll know how to spot them and deal with them pretty quickly — and then save yourself a lot of angst and anger and annoyance along the way.
I found this blog while doing other life research, and found it VERY illuminating. Half the battle is knowing how to identify these toxic personalities. The other half is figuring out how to manage yourself around these people–and it’s not hard once you know how!
I hope you find this information as useful as I did. For me, it’s a keeper.
June 25, 2017
You’re Doing Your Weekends All Wrong
Just because you had a weekend in which you didn’t go to work doesn’t mean you had a good weekend. In fact, my guess is that your weekend away from the office was probably “bad-good”.
I can imagine what you’re thinking. “Say what? How does not working on a weekend mean I did my weekend wrong?”
Well, it all depends on what you do over those weekend days that makes the difference. Because a good weekend is driven by the quality of what you do–and it’s not what you think.
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copyright Renan Barco | Flickr
Think about it. You just spent the last five days trudging into the office, battling phone calls, and trying to clean out your email. You may have worked late nights, confronted testy personalities, and spent far too many hours bottled up in stuffy conference rooms sitting through long-winded, boring meetings.
And then the moment arrives. Late Friday afternoon–when you shut down your laptop and say “Sayonara” to your boss, your desk, and your work–and decide that all you want to do is binge watch “Game of Thrones”, or do some online shopping, or party it up with friends or family. You know. The whole I’m-going-to-decompress thing. I’m going to do absolutely nothing because I just spent the past week doing way too much.
Problem is, this kind of indulgent me-time, the idea of lazing around and doing little (if at all), may not be good for you. Though immediately gratifying, casual leisure pursuits like these are short lived. Hence, the bad-good weekend.
“White-collar workers are logging longer hours than a generation ago, and Americans excel at the losing game of competitive busyness. In this context, a weekend without email and spreadsheets might seem like a victory in and of itself—and it is, kind of. But if you don’t feel rejuvenated and keen to face Monday after two work-free days, there might be a reason: You’re doing your weekend wrong.”
Turns out that casual leisure, like the drinking, online shopping, and binge-watching I mentioned above, are short-lived. They provide only short-term hedonistic pleasure. But serious pleasure is much more beneficial for you. In fact, it’s the meaningful and challenging activities that will make you grow as a person and provide some of the best weekends you’ll ever have in your life. Plus, you get the added benefit of meaningful memories to tack onto those amazing weekends.
Want to know how to experience your best, most fulfilling weekends ever? Read this article I found on Quartz Media the other day. Very inspiring! Now, go forth and enjoy weekends that will bring out the best in you!
Namaste.
June 18, 2017
12 Must-Read Books That Will Change Your Life
[image error]Great fiction books can take you to other worlds and take your breath away.
But great non-fiction books can literally change your life.
While I’m an avid fiction reader, I devour self-help books. Books on Buddhism. Meditation. Yoga. Travel and psychology and writing. Character development and history and earthly (and not so earthly) mysteries. I’m a sponge with that stuff.
Over time, I’ve acquired quite a collection of non-fiction books I’ve read, and an equally notable collection of non-fictions still to be read. Because a lot of my blog visitors totally dig self-improvement content, I thought I’d share some wonderful, must-read non-fiction books you might want to check out. Some are short, some longer, but who cares. In the end, they all have a great message to share. Whether you’re looking for peace, happiness, money management skills, personal power, or self-reflection, you’ll probably find what you want in this list here.
Enjoy.
Oh, and if you have any to add, please let me know! I’m always looking to expand my own personal horizons.
