Charlie Bray's Blog, page 4
March 15, 2014
What do Charlie Bray, John Lennon and Keith Moon have in common?
Join Charlie as he takes a hearty swipe at the famous. Well, he’s got more reason than most to have a pop. He’s been knocked out by one, peed on by another and had to pull a gun on one of the Great Train Robbers. He also lost Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, got drunk with Keith Moon and ‘arrested’ John Lennon. Oh, and Charlie went to school with a mass-murderer. Always there to help others, Charlie’s even saved an old lady from a handbag swinging Lady Archer. Add that to one of your novels, Jeffrey!
Celebrities Say the Funniest Things
Did you know East Anglia was an African nation and that Sherlock homes invented toilets? It’s not and he didn’t, but a certain celebrity thought otherwise. Help Charlie unravel the weird mind of celebrity
The famous and their toys
Learn who lands his own jet liner about ten yards from his front door, and who swims to his Ferrari via his indoor swimming pool
How did Peppa Pig corrupt a two year old?
Find out how the wayward pig and a whole host of celebrities were caught behaving badly
Celebrity Wars
Why do famous stars throw phones at hotel staff and punches at toilet attendants? Some even grab testicles and bite noses off. Join Charlie as he names names, and see how the public are fighting back
Special Needs for Special People
You’ll be amazed at the dressing room demands of some of your heroes. But don’t worry, Charlie’s got the answer. A perfectly designed dressing room for all, that doubles up as a green room
The Trouble With Celebrities is a 5 star read that you won’t want to miss!
You can download this hilarious book now from Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk
March 7, 2014
The Village Idiots Cruise Club on FREE PROMOTION
Charlie Bray is offering his Laugh Out Loud at Life Book for free until 9th March!
Download for free now on Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk
WELCOME ABOARD
Laugh out loud at the hilarious fun that can be had on a Mediterranean cruise, Life on the ocean waves ain’t what it used to be
MEET THE CREW
SLY FOXY, your English speaking host, who knows how to con his customers
EVIL AGGIE, the senior citizens’ hostess who will make you ‘walk the plank’, and brings tears to the captain’s eyes
LAMB & LETTUCE, the mankini wearing fitness coaches who can turn beautiful ladies ugly
DAFT DONALD who gets caught naked on stage
SPARKY THE ROBOT, the destroyer of masterpieces
PIERRE, a strange little Frenchman who boasts of winning the war single-handed
BIG DICK, leader of the gang with little to gain and everything to lose
JOIN IN THE FUN
Knock out Sugar Ray Shit-for-Brains and earn yourself fifty quid
Dine at the Captain’s table and watch an old lady head-butt him in his unmentionables
Clean up at the casino with a little help from a robot.
Take part in the Antiques Cruise Show and lose all your valuables
WATCH THE DRAMA UNFOLD
David Attenborough frightens the ladies
Somali pirates invade the ship … sort of
Mr Angry gets thrown off the ship
A cat burglar takes to a lifeboat
A war breaks out between salsa dancers and rock ‘n rollers
An unplanned Titanic re-enactment unfolds
ENJOY AN EVENING AT THE THEATRE
Take your seat for a talent show to end all talent shows
YOU’LL NEVER LOOK AT CRUISING THE SAME WAY AGAIN
Cruising ain’t cruising unless it’s with the Village Idiots Cruise Club. Step aboard – You’ll love it
Available Free until 9th March from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
March 4, 2014
News Flash: New Book From Top Author Alex Lukeman
JUST OUT: BOOK 7 IN THE AMAZON BEST SELLER THRILLER SERIES BY ALEX LUKEMAN: THE AJAX PROTOCOL
Here’s what readers are saying about The Ajax Protocol:
“Alex Lukeman writes action adventure the likes of which should be in movies.”
“As with all of The Project series, it was well written, great characters that keep developing, a fast paced plot, good subplots, descriptive settings.”
“This was the most frightening book of this series. ..You have to love the team & all who help them. The scary part is this could happen…”
The Project is a covert intelligence unit reporting only to the President of the United States. When an assassination attempt puts the President out of action the Project finds itself isolated and the target of a conspiracy that threatens to lead the world into war.
Project Director Elizabeth Harker discovers a ruthless plot to turn America into a totalitarian police state. Betrayed by powerful enemies at home and forced to rely on doubtful allies abroad, Harker and her team are driven underground.
Team leader Nick Carter must face his inner demons as he struggles to commit to his lover and teammate Selena Connor. If he can’t do it, he may lose her. It’s a dangerous world for both of them, where enemies lie in wait at every turn and failure is not an option.
The Ajax Protocol could be taken from tomorrow’s headlines. It will disturb you and keep you turning pages to the end.
Available from Amazon worldwide including Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com
February 28, 2014
MARCH SPOTLIGHT: Indie Books Galore!
Welcome to the MARCH issue of our Monthly Spotlight
To browse or buy a book, click on its front cover to view it on Amazon.com or its title to view it on Amazon.co.uk.
If your book is not yet booked in for the APRIL SPOTLIGHT, book it in now
SO HERE WE GO WITH THIS MONTH’S SPOTLIGHT:
CONTEMPORARY FICTION
Cry Before Supper by Julia Rose Grey
‘This story will envelop you with its rapture, its uncertainty, its secrets, and escort you through its darkness’
GENERAL FICTION
Chasing Heart by Mark Lingane
‘An absolute page-turner that hooks you in from the beginning. Once you pick it up, you will not put it down’
Desert Heart by Mark Lingane
‘Heat. Politics. Romance. Sand. War. Bad Coffee. It can only mean one thing. Ellen Martin is off to the Middle East.’
HISTORICAL FICTION
The Visionary Mayan Queen by Yohi Ik’nal of Palenque by Leonide Martin
‘She was the first Mayan woman ruler, her visionary powers destined to guide her people through social turmoil and enemy attack as she preserved her dynastic lineage’
A Different Light: The Vietnam War from a Woman’s Point of View by Jennifer Thomas
A first person novel written from the pages of the daily diary the author kept while stationed in Da Nang, So, Vietnam from Oct. 1967 to Oct. 1968.
L’Immortalite: Madame Lalaurie and the Voodoo Queen by T.R. Heinan
‘NOLA’s most haunting legend comes to life’
HUMOUR
The Village Idiots Ebay Club by Charlie Bray
FREE UNTIL 3rd MARCH
‘Quirky people buy quirky things – and Ebay is full of quirky things. DANGER ALERT! What if they can’t stop bidding? What if their lives become quirkier and quirkier as a result? TIME TO JOIN THE EBAY CLUB!’
The Village Idiots Cruise Club by Charlie Bray
‘Laugh out loud at the hilarious fun that can be had on a Mediterranean cruise, Life on the ocean waves ain’t what it used to be’
Open House by Charlie Bray
‘Aristocrats, Ghosts and Squatters Share a Castle’
LEGAL MYSTERY
Murder by Impulse by D R Meredith
‘A Lincoln Continental driven by Amy Steele, wife of millionaire rancher, James Steele, rams a tanker full’ of gasoline
LITERARY FICTION
The Mourning After by Edward Fahey
‘In a world where death is but another beginning, you must trust in what you cannot believe. For those who wonder what lies beyond. For those who love; and hope’
MIDDLE GRADE FICTION
Seafoam Wavefollower and the Mysterious Ghost by Doc Briley
‘SEAFOAM is an exciting, fast-paced adventure filled with thrills, chills, mysticism and friendship’
MYSTERY
After (Inspector West) by Peter Mulraney
’Inspector West investigates the unexpected death of Joise Ford, while her husband faces the secrets her death uncovers’
Dear Crossing by Marjorie Swift Doering
‘A grisly murder leads Ray Schiller on a case with a rising body count and the potential to derail his personal and professional life’
Shadow Tag by Marjorie Swift Doering
‘Detective Ray Schiller is out to finish what he started, unless it finishes him first’
MYSTERY ROMANCE
A Customary Obsession 2; Power by Jane Graiko
‘In the second in a three-book series, Laura Delorange and Steve Scolarzski cultivate a new relationship after lifetimes of bitter disappointments’
of the system that delivers our rights, and he doesn’t pull any punches’
NON-FICTION
Flowers and Stone by Jan Sikes
‘A wild Texas outlaw musician, a naive young girl, and Texas honky-tonks in 1970 lay the groundwork for this true story of passion and peril’
Build A Book 1. Preparation by Charlie Bray
‘Indietribe’s Step by Step Guide on How to Write and Sell a Novel’
Build A Book 2. Plot by Charlie Bray
‘Indietribe’s Step by Step Guide on How to Write and Sell a Novel’
Build A Book 3. Synopsis by Charlie Bray
FREE UNTIL 3RD MARCH!
‘Indietribe’s Step by Step Guide on How to Write and Sell a Novel’
PARANORMAL
Finding Vern by Darcy Bellows
‘A true life GHOST story.
Finding Vern is the incredible true story of a friendship that spanned decades and culminated in the love of a lifetime’
ROMANCE
Broken Truth by Beth Ashworth
‘What happens when the happy bubble you have been living in for the past year has all been a twisted, torturous path of lies…once truth has been broken, can love still find a way?’
The Whispering Wind by Lexa Dudley
‘This is a romantic and beautiful love story that will strike a cord deep in ones heart’
Little Conversations by Sibylia Matilde
‘Through a flash of torrid intensity, Ronin and Devin struggle to be friends…just friends, while the shadows of the past keep getting in the way’
SCI-FI
I Love Lucid by Mark Lingane
‘A story for the dubstep generation. Part one of a five part story told in weekly instalments.’
Beyond Belief by Mark Lingane
‘Joshua Richards has a problem. His clients are dying. What’s even more worrying is that they appear to be planning to kill him first’
THRILLER
White Jade by Alex Lukeman
WHITE JADE spins a web of deceit and murder across the globe, against the backdrop of a deadly international power game.
The Chinese Spymaster by Hock Tjoa
‘Chinese Intelligence uncovers a North Korean trying to sell a nuclear device.’
Haunted by Maria Savva
‘Nigel Price has MURDER on his mind’
Hostile Witness by Rebecca Forster
‘Blending complex psychological character portraits with spot-on courtroom drama, Forster’s riveting legal thriller keeps the plot twists coming until the last, satisfying page’
YOUNG ADULT
Shadow Embraced by Cheree Smith
‘Scar thinks the creature that terrorises her while asleep isn’t real, but when she’s abducted and taken to a reform school meant to contain creatures too dangerous to function in society, she starts to wonder whether she isn’t some monster’
I hope you enjoyed our March Spotlight and that you are tempted to part with a few of your pennies to enjoy the delights of some remarkable indie books.
Indie Authors – The Authors A to Z guide is regularly visited by readers, publishers and fellow writers.
Make sure you’re in it:
http://www.theindietribe.com/category/join-authors-a-to-z/
February 27, 2014
Charlie Bray offers two books for FREE!
Charlie Bray is offering two of his books for free from now until 3rd March. Enjoy!
A funny book about a funny club
A CLUB FOR QUIRKY PEOPLE
Quirky people buy quirky things – and Ebay is full of quirky things. DANGER ALERT! What if they can’t stop bidding? What if their lives become quirkier and quirkier as a result? TIME TO JOIN THE EBAY CLUB!
WEEKLY THERAPY
Every week a dozen or so Ebay idiots rock up to the Village Hall carrying an assorted array of nonsense, show it off to their peers and admit, often reluctantly, that they may, just may, have a problem. Here’s your chance to gatecrash a meeting and see if you agree.
THE LEADER
First you’ll meet Big Dick. He rules the club with a rod of iron. But underneath he has a heart of gold – and an incredibly small bladder. Which is a bit of a contradiction, given his name. He misses most of each meeting by dashing to the loo.
THE MEMBERS
A wonderful bunch of misfits. From the upper echelons – Lord Marmite, who bids on antique commodes… to society’s underbelly – Micky Finn, who bids on various disguises to go thieving in.
Daft Donald, a tiny fellow who loves uniforms… an irate individual named Mr Angry, who bids on lots he can shout at… a vicar who collects bones…David Attenborough, who buys Toys-R-Us cast-offs…Cyril Fox, a barrow boy who deals from a suitcase bigger than Dr Who’s tardis…a 90 year old thug who inflicts terror on her sheltered accommodation… two close ‘friends’, Lamb and lettuce who prance around in mankinis feeding their toes to fish… a robot with a mind of its own…and a lookalikee who employs her own Mr Paparazzi.
THE WINNING LOTS
How about a London Routemaster bus for starters, a human skull, a Guardsman’s bearskin, a burqa, a much loved iguana, a destructive Segway scooter, and a selection of candles in the wind.
THE ACTION
Carol singers under arrest. A Guardsman being chased by hostile parents. A bus journey from hell. Flying cyclists. Car wars on the high street. Piers Morgan as a punchbag (yesss!), courtesy of the renowned ex-boxer, Sugar Ray Shit for Brains, and Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier, makes a comeback.
So come on…take the plunge and dive into this mad world of laugh out loud comedy…they’re all there waiting for you.
Available free until 3rd March on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
BUILD A BOOK
BUILD A BOOK is a series of ten booklets, designed to provide authors of all levels with advice and tips on how to write and sell a novel. By splitting the workshop into ten
distinct booklets, writers are able to cherry-pick, and arm themselves with what they need to write successful fiction. The booklets comprise Preparation, Plot, Synopsis, Characters, Dialogue, Setting, Viewpoint, Revision, Publishing and Marketing.
What does ‘Synopsis’, this third booklet cover?
This booklet’s main purpose is to help the author get from the beginning to the end of a story. The synopsis is a detailed route planner.
We show you the best way to create an effective synopsis.
We show you how to write down the general idea of your plot in one short paragraph, the basic skeleton of your synopsis.
We show you how to put flesh on this skeleton by writing a continuous précis of the entire story.
We show you how to turn this précis into a detailed, chapter by chapter, story development, which will provide a blueprint to guide you through the story.
By following our suggestions, you will create a serious working tool, that will ensure that you don’t lose the plot and run out of steam mid way through your novel.
Who is the booklet for?
Synopsis is the third of ten keys needed to hone your novel writing skills. It is aimed at all authors, regardless of ability and experience, and provides comprehensive information on creating the synopsis for a novel.
This booklet, together with the other nine, could represent the best investment you make in your writing career, no matter what stage it’s currently at.
Pick ‘n mix, or buy the lot. It’s all here waiting for you.
Booklet 1 – Preparation, and Booklet 3 – Plot, are also available now from the Amazon Kindle Store. The next seven booklets are imminent, but currently at various stages of publication. Visit http://www.theindietribe/build-a-book... to know when to expect them.
Available free until 3rd March on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
Have you checked out Charlie Bray’s Blog yet. Full of fun, it should get you laughing on grey days
February 26, 2014
CHARLIE BRAY’S BOOK REVIEWS – Four of the Best Indie Books Reviewed
A very warm welcome to Charlie Bray’s Indie Book Reviews. If you wish to buy any of these books, click on the front cover to buy from Amazon.com or the link following the description to buy from Amazon.co.uk
IF YOU DO DECIDE TO BUY BOOKS, PLEASE BUY THEM WHILST YOU’RE LINKED THROUGH TO AMAZON FROM INDIETRIBE.
If you would like your book reviewed and published on these pages, click here now and join INDIETRIBE GOLD. You will then be entitled to a book review, author interview, and guest blog.
Special Run by Lena Jo McCoy
I’m old enough to remember Skippy, the bush kangaroo, and even Lassie come home. I guess many more are able to remember Free Willie and millions can probably remember Marley and Me.
We’ll always have a soft spot for animals that communicate well with us, and, on occasions, even perhaps talk to us. Although when you start a real conversation with them, that’s probably the white van you can hear pulling up outside.
Special is a very special dog that saw her mistress murdered and took two bullets as well. Slowly the dog recovers but, quite understandably, seeks revenge. Now the dog, like all dogs is a bit conversationally challenged when it comes to recruiting help. But then so was Skippy, but remarkably its owner always used to ascertain that a young boy had got stuck down a mine shaft. And it helps if you’ve got psychic powers and this wolf/dog has.
So the book is not short on scary bits, but, whilst Special Run is a fully fledged paranormal novel, what sets it apart is Lena Jo McCoy’s ability to pull on your heart-strings, bring out pretty strong emotional, reach for the hankie type feelings, whilst simultaneously scaring you half to death.
So in effect, you’ve got a bit of a rom-com, a special relationship between a dog and a woman, which ambles along nicely. Then you’ve got a scary paranormal layer, which is even more effective as it’s set in the present day, and not the well-worn cliche of horrors awaiting to greet us in the near future. The quest itself, the search for revenge or justice, actually takes the form of a very skilful murder mystery.
So, really we’re looking at an exceptionally well-written cross-genre novel, which showcases the undoubted talents of Lena Jo McCoy.
Trust me, if you’re an animal lover, a paranormal fiction follower, a reader of rom-coms, or a murder mystery aficionado, you should really buy this book.
Also available from Amazon.co.uk
Urbino, Unexpectedly by Maria Chiara Marsciani
Clara is a contradiction in terms from the start. She sees her world in black and white, in that it’s all laid out for her, mainly at the instigation of her parents. Her existence at law school, the city of Milan, her peers are all laid out neatly in her mind. They represent a very cut and dried, very monochrome world, which follows the pattern expected by her parents, but fails to ignite any enthusiasm in her. Effectively, she has been shunted down a siding, imprisoned in a conventional world that, in reality, she has no appetite for.
And here is the contradiction. She, herself, is not black and white. She is a complex individual who does not fit into any stereotype.
But colour floods into her life in the form of Leonardo. He brings her intense joy and, perhaps more importantly, enables her to focus her mind on what is important to her. She begins to gain the confidence to make her own decisions, to find her own way.
Happy days may have arrived, but Clara finds that it is not plain sailing ahead. Her conventional family and friends become adversaries who balk at her desire to break away from the path that they expect for her. She finds herself in a constant struggle to break away from the magnets that shackle her, and becomes torn between the undoubted comfort zone that constantly beckons, and the intense excitement of life beyond it.
Urbino, Unexpectedly is very much a journey of self discovery, but Clara is not alone. The skill of Marcia Chiara Marsciani ensures that the reader accompanies her, and supports her, every inch of the way.
A lovely book which I heartily recommend.
Also available from Amazon.co.uk
The Girl in White Pajamas by Chris Birdy
The death of Bud, a police officer in Boston, U.S.A. is the trigger that launches this complex mystery.
The deceased’s brother, Bogie, visits for the funeral, but seems quite content to leave the pursuit of the killer to the police, and the mourning to his drunken, dysfunctional family. He sees his attendance at the funeral as little more than an opportunity to visit Isabella, the young daughter whom he has never met.
His quest is made easier when his estranged partner contacts him, seeking his help to protect her from someone who is trying to kill her. He finds he still loves his ex and is besotted by his young daughter. His mind is made up there and then to concentrate his efforts upon them, and turn away completely from the mystery surrounding his brother’s death.
But life is rarely that simple, as Bogie finds out. It becomes apparent that it is impossible to segregate the two and a complex web of lies and deceit is spun.
The only constant in Bogie’s unfolding world of uncertainty is the girl in white pajamas.
Chris Birdy has written a thoroughly absorbing thriller mystery.The plot rattles along at pace and the descriptions ensure that you’re down there with the characters.
Generally, the plot is dialogue driven, and benefits greatly from this.
It is a must read for followers of thrillers, mystery and suspense.
Also available from Amazon.co.uk
Tesla by Mark Lingane
Mark Lingane is one of my favourite self-published authors and I’m delighted he has kept up his remarkably high standards in his latest offering, Tesla.
This novel may well be aimed at a teen to young adult readership, but there’s no law against an old man like me enjoying it, and enjoy it I did.
It’s always a struggle trying to categorise Mark Lingane, a struggle I have encountered many times in the past. Is he a writer of humour, action, science fiction, paranormal, romance, erotica. You know what, I don’t care any more. He’s an ace wordsmith and if he wants to defy all categories, well, that’s fine by me. As an old man, I’m not even going to try to fathom out how he now leans towards steampunk, cyberpunk and dystopian. Hope you’re all still with me.
The hero of this tale is Seb, a twelve year old who talks a lot. They’re after him, these strange beings that have evolved from humans and Suffolk Colt lawnmowers, and he relies upon Melanie, an ailing heroine to save him.
You sometimes need to leave your comfort zone to enjoy Lingane. This book is not conventionally written. You are jolted too sharply and too often to snuggle down in your armchair. But what teenager and young adult wants to mould with an armchair anyway. Indeed, it’s because Mark understands the young generation that he relates to them so well. He has even written in a special style to woo them away from their games machines and into his book. Good on yer, Mark.
A great read, as are all his other books. Tesla is evidence of a very talented writer.
Go for it…you know you want to.
Also available from Amazon.co.uk
I hope you enjoyed reading my reviews as much as I enjoyed writing them. I look forward to publishing more reviews soon. Meanwhile… Happy reading, Charlie.
A special message to all you authors out there. Indietribe’s AUTHORS AtoZ is now up and running and set to become the definitive guide to Indie authors and their books.
Make sure you’re in it and join everybody who’s anybody in the Indie Book World. You can book your listing by clicking here
February 23, 2014
News Flash: Charlie Bray publishes third BUILD A BOOK booklet
Great News! The third booklet from the series, BUILD A BOOK, Synopsis, is released today by the Indietribe.
Synopsis is available now from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
This is the third booklet in the series. This booklet’s main purpose is to help the author get from the beginning to the end of a story. The synopsis is a detailed route planner.
We show you the best way to create an effective synopsis.
We show you how to write down the general idea of your plot in one short paragraph, the basic skeleton of your synopsis.
We show you how to put flesh on this skeleton by writing a continuous précis of the entire story.
We show you how to turn this précis into a detailed, chapter by chapter, story development, which will provide a blueprint to guide you through the story.
By following our suggestions, you will create a serious working tool, that will ensure that you don’t lose the plot and run out of steam mid way through your novel.Plot is the second of ten keys needed to hone your novel writing skills. It is aimed at all authors, regardless of ability and experience, and provides comprehensive information on plotting a novel.
Also available now are the first and second booklets of the series, Preparation and Plot
Preparation is available now from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
Preparation covers the areas that will ensure that you are fully prepared to face the challenge of writing a successful novel. Novel types, best-selling secrets, identifying and reaching out to your target audience, analysing your initial idea, theme, story components, action or character methods, psychological preparation, organisation, routine – it’s all here waiting to help you every step of the way.
Plot
is available now from Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
Plot covers all the basic plot types, how to deal with the beginning, middle and end of the story, flashbacks, foreshadowing, subplots, and how to deconstruct other novels. It shows you, in fine detail, how to construct a great work of fiction and how, when appropriate, to let the characters take control and lead the story in a direction of their choosing.
The next seven booklets are imminent, but currently at various stages of publication. Click here to see the latest publishing schedule:
Charlie’s BUILD A BOOK series has been devised and published by Indietribe for its members at a price that has been set merely to cover the associated costs. Your support for this initiative would be truly appreciated. Please visit Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk now and buy.
February 22, 2014
Only Six Days to our March Spotlight – Are your books in it?
THAT’S RIGHT – ONLY SIX DAYS TO OUR MARCH ISSUE
BUT IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO SEE YOUR BOOKS IN LIGHTS
March’s Spotlight will be promoted avidly on Indietribe, Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin and Goodreads for the entire month. Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity to get your books under the spotlight of thousands of readers for a whole month:
This is what your entry will look like:
And this is what it will cost:
£6 (approx $9US) per book for one month,
£15 (approx $23US) per book for three months
£25 (approx $39US) per book for six months
£45 (approx $69US) per book for twelve months
Check out our February Spotlight to get a full flavour of what to expect.
We are now taking orders for the March edition. If you would like your book including, PLEASE CLICK HERE
Have you checked out Charlie Bray’s new blog yet?
It will help your day along with a smile.
Laugh out loud at life with Charlie
February 21, 2014
Jeremy Clarkson likes a rant…well so does Charlie Bray
The Trouble With…
Jeremy Clarkson
I could go on and on, but I recognise that Indietribe isn’t the platform for me to sound off about life’s frustrations.
So, Ive started a brand new blog, where I can rant away and, hopefully, bring you a chuckle or two along the way.
I’d really like your support on my new venture, and it won’t cost you a penny. Just help me get my blog underway by visiting it, liking it, and following it by email
Charlie Bray
I’ll be pointing out the trouble with…celebrity, sport, old age, youth, elf & safety, education, holidays, health, politics and work & play
JEREMY CLARKSON DOESN’T HAVE THE MONOPOLY ON RANTING, YOU KNOW!
So go on, visit it , like it, and follow it by email
You’re my favourite people now, but if you do that, you’ll be even more my favourite people.
Thanking you in anticipation, Charlie B x
February 19, 2014
Charlie Bray’s new eBook released today
Feeling a bit fed up? We bring you laughter in the form of Charlie Bray’s new book
WELCOME ABOARD
Laugh out loud at the hilarious fun that can be had on a Mediterranean cruise, Life on the ocean waves ain’t what it used to be
MEET THE CREW
SLY FOXY, your English speaking host, who knows how to con his customers
EVIL AGGIE, the senior citizens’ hostess who will make you ‘walk the plank’, and brings tears to the captain’s eyes
LAMB & LETTUCE, the mankini wearing fitness coaches who can turn beautiful ladies ugly
DAFT DONALD who gets caught naked on stage
SPARKY THE ROBOT, the destroyer of masterpieces
PIERRE, a strange little Frenchman who boasts of winning the war single-handed
BIG DICK, leader of the gang with little to gain and everything to lose
JOIN IN THE FUN
Knock out Sugar Ray Shit-for-Brains and earn yourself fifty quid
Dine at the Captain’s table and watch an old lady head-butt him in his unmentionables
Clean up at the casino with a little help from a robot.
Take part in the Antiques Cruise Show and lose all your valuables
WATCH THE DRAMA UNFOLD
David Attenborough frightens the ladies
Somali pirates invade the ship … sort of
Mr Angry gets thrown off the ship
A cat burglar takes to a lifeboat
A war breaks out between salsa dancers and rock ‘n rollers
An unplanned Titanic re-enactment unfolds
ENJOY AN EVENING AT THE THEATRE
Take your seat for a talent show to end all talent shows
YOU’LL NEVER LOOK AT CRUISING THE SAME WAY AGAIN
Cruising ain’t cruising unless it’s with the Village Idiots Cruise Club.
Step aboard – You’ll love it
The Cruise Club is available now at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk
