Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 40

Make Your Own Plastic Food…At Home!

Okay, as the self-diagnosed Queen of Fail when it comes to Japanese crafts (remember the “rabbit” from the animal lollipops workshop?), I was pretty sure that any fake food I made without the experts at the Make Your Own Plastic Food Workshop would look more like something from the compost bin than a reputable kitchen.

But so many people told me they were dying to try making their own food models (even though they were thwarted in signing up for the workshop because it’s only given in Japanese), I decided it was my bounden duty to take one for the team and test the English instructions in the kits, to see just how foolproof they really are.

Here’s what happened!

I chose two that were labeled at the lowest level of difficulty in the store. What could possibly go wrong?

Thought I ‘d start with the easiest looking one first. Here’s what was in the box. The English instructions were actually EXCELLENT. I want to note that any craft lameness you see from here on is due to a) my innate ineptitude or b) failing to follow the perfectly clear instructions written in my mother tongue.

Step One is to melt the plastic pouch of “beer” in a bowl of boiling water, but I discovered it melted perfectly well in hot tap water, it just took a little longer. (That way, I didn’t have to use the rubber gloves I had naturally failed to stock up on).

Kneading the pouch just the right amount turns out to be key, if you want realistic bubbles in your beer. (By some lucky fluke, I managed to avoid overkneading, but there are handy instructions for how to salvage things if you get too excited and turn your beer into creepy yellow foam instead.)

Okay! Not bad! I did have to plop the bag back into new hot water halfway through the pouring process, because it cooled off a lot faster than I thought it would, and began to glop. The thing I didn’t do quite right at this stage was to make sure the top was totally level, so it looked like a proper liquid. That’s why my beer looks like it’s got some curious anti-gravity properties.

Next, I melted the “foam.”

Uh, not so easy. Even when I softened it up some more, it still sort of lumped onto the yellow part. Am pretty sure someone with more patience/better hand-eye could make this look more realistic without too much trouble, though.

Hmm, mine kinda looks like beer with whipped cream on top. (Of course, weirder food concoctions have trended in Japan, so this little project could turn out to be a success after all, due to its excellent trolling potential…)

Okay, on to Round Two! Bloodied but unbowed, I tackle the bowl of ramen…

Here’s what was in the box. Again, the English instructions were super, and any, uh, imperfections you may note in the finished product are totally mea culpa.

Showing a singular lack of reading skill, I dropped the entire skein of “noodles” into the hot water at once, instead of doing them in five bundles as suggested. oops.

Still, I thought my scrambling them around in five little bunches looked pretty damn good. I piled them up in the middle a bit, just as the pro tip suggested.

Next, I softened up those next ingredients in my old friend, hot water.

Slavishly copied the package photo as closely as I could. You’re supposed to anchor these guys with wax dripped from the two little birthday candles they include, but for those of us who are molten wax challenged, this was not really the most successful part of the process.

Finally, after melting the “soup” just like I did the “beer,” the moment I’d been waiting for!

Yikes, why was I overcome with a strange case of instruction blindness when it came to the all-important “knead well to be sure entire pouch is liquefied” directive? Behold the un-souplike flurp of fake broth.

Unsightly blob discarded and pouch remedially warmed, I poured on the rest, but fell a little short when it came to covering all the noodles. Damn. Maybe I SHOULD have gone with the Ramen Jello look and started a new career as an internet hoaxer…

But anyway – voilá! – here’s the final fake lunch:

Despite my native ineptitude, this doesn’t look half bad! (From a distance. Without your contacts. SHUT UP.)

In the end, I decided this wasn’t quite as much fun as going to the workshop – where we actually got to learn the techniques they use to make pieces of lettuce and tempura – but I’d give this two thumbs up in the gifting department. The kits aren’t cheap (they run about ¥1500-¥3000), but they’re definitely an excellent only-in-Japan find!

There was a pretty good selection of kits you could buy. The drinks ranged from beer to melon soda floats with a cherry on top, and the food plates were a good mix of Japanese and Western foods, from ramen to spaghetti.

You can buy these DIY kits at the Ganso Shop on Kappabashi Street (be sure to ask them to put in the English instructions when you pay at the register). If you’d like to stock up on fake food kits the next time you’re in Tokyo, directions & a map are on my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had. Or, if you’re geographically challenged, you can get White Rabbit Express to shop and ship them to you for a pretty reasonable price.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

Weirdest Maid Café Ever

As if it wasn’t strange enough that there are a lot of maid cafés that offer the service of extracting their customers’ grotty earwax while calling them “Master Of The House,” now there’s a café where ear maidens dressed in shiny mini-kimonos will perform that service with the customers’ heads in their laps! Behold this billboard advertising “Knee Pillow Ear Cleaning” in (where else?) the heart of Akihabara. And for only ¥3200! (That’s $26.04 US, at today’s exchange rate.) If I had to do this, I would totally be charging ¥32,000,000 for 30 minutes, in the hope that my customers would stick to making me play endless games of rock-paper-scissors!

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If you’d love a good mystery and would like to take a peek inside the world of maid cafés, try the first few chapters of Nightshade here:

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

The Angry Cat Ghost Vending Machine

Walking through Shinjuku station today, I discovered I had a burning need for angry cat ghosts. Fortunately, there was a bank of gacha-gacha vending machines smack in the middle of the concourse, ready to cater to all my feline spiritual needs.

OK, so maybe I went a little overboard trying to collect them all DON’T JUDGE

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

Taste Test: The Skinny On No-Alcohol Japanese Beers

You can tell it’s summertime in Japan, because your clothes stick to you the instant you walk outdoors and the entire populace flees to the rooftop beer gardens of Tokyo as soon as the sun dips below the yardarm. But if your liver is crying out for mercy after last night’s company drink-a-thon, and you’re queasily contemplating how to avoid pickling it any further, chances are you’re giving some thought to ordering a nice, cold, no-alcohol brew instead.

The question is: do they taste as authentic as they look?

I admit I was kind of excited to do a side-by-side tasting of the latest offerings here in Japan, because all the major brewers have jumped in with both geta. I figured if anybody was going to get it right, it would be the good folks at Asahi, Kirin, Sapporo and Suntory.

Ai yi yi, I have never been so sorry to be so wrong! I must report that even though I was truly hoping to find at least one that would allow me to delude myself I was quaffing the real thing, each and every one of these was as repulsive as tomato-flavored chocolate and deep-fried fish testicles (my previous yardsticks of inedible lowness).

But in case you’re an experiential learner and don’t want to take my word for it, I hereby regretfully submit this detailed report on the various unpleasantness you can expect:

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KIRIN PLUS-i

This was actually the least objectionable of the bunch. It tasted pretty strongly of yeast and slightly of honey, with a pronounced yeasty aftertaste. It wasn’t actually revolting, and it looked pretty much like normal beer, with a foamy head that didn’t disappear instantly. If you were thinking of it as a sort of not-sweet soda instead of hoping for it to be beer, it wouldn’t be that bad.

Taste: B-

Looks like real beer: B+ (the head is more bubbly than foamy, but you might not notice if the bar is dark enough.)

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ASAHI DRY ZERO

“Zero” perfectly describes this entry in the faux-beer sweepstakes: zero alcohol, zero calories and zero taste. It’s not often that words fail me, but I honestly worked quite hard to try to come up with a description of how this tastes, and came up empty-handed. Of course – on the plus side – it’s lack of flavor keeps you from wanting to instantly spit it out, so if you’re at a bar and busy holding up your end of a conversation in Japanese about the meaning of the universe, you may not notice that it’s not holding up its end, beer-wise.

Taste: C

Looks like real beer: B+

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SUNTORY ALL-FREE

Yikes, Suntory All-Free was not only free of beer-like taste, it was also free of that distinctive foamy head that makes you feel like you’re putting away a real one. The unpleasantly sweet (and not at all beer-like) flavor was followed by a soapy aftertaste that made me decide quite quickly that a second sip wasn’t necessary in order to adequately describe this sad offering. This one gets a special triple-A rating: avoid, avoid, avoid.

Taste: D-

Looks like real beer: D- (about the only thing they got right was that it was yellow, with bubbles)

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SAPPORO PLUS

I didn’t think it was possible to make something that failed harder than the Suntory fake beer, but Sapporo Plus’s perfume-y flavor and bitter floral aftertaste earned it my Worst Not-Beer title by a decisive margin. The only thing that might make you choose it over the other bottom-dweller is that the foamy head might fool your fellow drinkers into thinking you’re matching them shot for shot. Sapporo, seriously, what were you thinking? I am disappoint.

Taste: F

Looks like real beer: C-

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Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

 

 

Not An Expert On Chicken Anatomy, But…

…where exactly did Mos Burger find a chicken part that looks like THIS?

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

Damn. Just When I Thought I Had It All Figured Out…

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

Damn. I Thought I Had It All Figured Out, But…

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

Let’s Go To Bunny Island!

What part of ALL THE SNACKS don’t you understand?

If your squee-meter isn’t totally burnt out after Fox Village, it certainly will be, after we check out BUNNY ISLAND!

Okunoshima isn’t easy to get to, but that’s why there’s an entire chunk of land off the coast of Japan where adorable bunnies run free, without fear of being eaten (or, obviously, having their natural urges curbed in any way).

Rabbits, rabbits, everywhere! Even though it was pouring rain on the day we were there, the stalwart bunnies did not falter in their mission to beg their weight in bunny snacks.

I was afraid wild bunnies might be sort of scruffy looking or reverting to jack-rabbity ranginess, but no. They were all super cute and fluffy.

And in good health too – I hardly saw any that looked like they could use a tune-up at the vet.

At the barest rustle of a snack sack, they start to gather around…

…and step up to eat right out of your hand.

In fact, “not shy” hardly begins to describe these bunnies’ attitude when it comes to mobbing rabbit-chow-dispensing humans. This is my friend Kendall, who will sadly never be able to enjoy a mere rabbit café again.

I know these bunnies are supposed to be wild, but they seem suspiciously adept at posing for selfies.

A word about white pants: uh, no.

Of course, they’re so damn cute, you barely notice that you’re beginning to look like the victim of a bunny stampede.

Wet, but undeterred, this small girl was the object of serious bunny devotion, on account of how tantalizingly low her snack bag was to the ground.

Of course we paid a visit to the island’s shrine, even though these days it’s attended only by rabbits.

Couldn’t resist this Peter Rabbit-y looking bun, even though he was kind of wet.

Okay, admit it – you want to go now, don’t you? But if – like me – you’d like to avoid spending the night in a hotel, here’s how I did it as a day trip from Tokyo:

How to get to Bunny Island (Okunoshima) and back in one day (from Tokyo):

First, here are the trains  I took. These are the ones heading from Tokyo to Tadano-umi, where you catch the ferry to Bunny Island:

And here are the trains I took back to Tokyo:

The Kure Line doesn’t run as often as trains in Tokyo. If you’re planning to come back at a different time, check the schedule below.

The ferry to Okunoshima leaves from a terminal that is about a five-minute walk from the Tadano-umi train station. To get there, go out the exit to the street and turn right. Walk along that street until you see a sign for the ferry terminal (to your right).

The ferry ride takes 12 minutes, and costs ¥300 each way. You buy your round trip ticket (¥600) at the little office near the ferry launch, and you can buy bags of bunny food there too. The only place to buy it on the island is at the hotel, and you will be sorry you don’t have food for the mob of bunnies that rush to greet you at the dock, so I advise getting at least a few bags in advance!

Here’s the ferry schedule:

One thing to be careful about on your return trip is to be sure you’re waiting at the right pier. There are two docks, and they’re not next to each other.

Note: I bought my round-trip shinkansen tickets in advance and used my regular Suica card for the Mihara to Tadano-umi leg (although you can of course use your JR rail pass for both, if you have one). You can also buy a local Kure Line ticket to Tadano-umi at Mihara station.

I used the Jorudan Train Route Finder to plan this trip, then took the train itinerary screen shots to the shinkansen ticket office at one of the JR stations in Tokyo and handed them to the ticket agent to make my reservations.

So what are you waiting for? Come on down! And bring me ALL THE SNACKS!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

 

 

New-Type Saints

On my way to check out the rooster shrine, I chanced upon these sight-challenged Jizos and a celebrity Kannon, chilling in a parking lot.

Finally, a Jizo-sama to protect kids who can’t see a baseball coming.

Lady Kannon, here to lead you safely through the valley of uncoolness without any of it rubbing off on you.

The saint of Fabulous.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

Great Balls O’ Flowery Fluff: Tokyo’s Best Hydrangea Gardens

If someone says “hydrangeas” and you think “boring white puffballs,” you haven’t seen the outrageous ones in Tokyo yet! Here are my favorite hydrangea garden extravaganzas, and they’ll be blooming ’til the end of June, just sayin’…

HAKUSAN SHRINE in Hon-Komagome

These are just the ones bordering the parking lot at the shrine!

During the Ajisai Festival (the second week in June very year) the fu-dogs greet visitors with a crazy bouquet of living hydrangeas.

The purifying spring is all decked out in hydrangea finery as well.

And of course they sell hydrangea-themed sweets! This is mizu-yokan, a sort of jellied bean paste that is popular in summertime.

Hours: Open 24 hours

Open: Every day of the year. The Ajisai Festival is from June 6 – 14 in 2015, but you can see the hydrangeas blooming through the whole month of June

Admission: Free

Map

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HONDO-JI TEMPLE in Kitakogane

This temple is a little outside of Tokyo – about 25 minutes from Kita-Senju – but it’s well worth the train ride to see the acres of bodacious blooms!

Plus: pagoda

The grounds are really huge, and this bamboo forest sits next to the iris garden, which may still be blooming while you’re there.

Shady flower-lined paths? Check!

Hydrangeas + thick carpets of moss = YES

Hours: 8:00 – 17:00

Open: Every day

Admission: ¥500 during hydrangea season (June)

Map

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ASUKAYAMA PARK/OJI STATION in Oji

The famous banks of hydrangeas are not actually in the park – they border the train tracks between the park and Oji Station. Stairways lead down to the path from the park, though, and you can easily get there from any direction.

The flowers here are mostly the old-fashioned kind, but they bloom in every color, and the display stretches for the entire length of Asukayama Park.

The colors are really exquisite up close.

My favorites are the traditional Japanese blue ones

Hours: Open 24 hours

Open: Every day of the year.

Admission: Free

Map

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TAKAHATA FUDOSAN TEMPLE  in Takahatafudo

This temple has a huge “hydrangea mountain” criss-crossed with nicely-groomed hiking paths and planted with many varieties of hydrangeas

It’s shady and cool, even in the dog days of June

And in case you haven’t gotten around to making that famous (and arduous) Shikoku temple pilgrimage, the paths on the hydrangea mountain are populated by Jizo figures from each of the 88 temples on the circuit. Shortcut to paradise? Sign me up!

Interesting varieties bloom in big clumps…

…or dotted about like little wild origami

Shrines like this Inari fox shrine are tucked in among the flowers

And of course, you get to see Takahata Fudo’s gorgeous pagoda while you’re there to see the flowers!

Hours: Open 24 hours

Open: Every day of the year.

Admission: Free

Map

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And of course, I have to mention the two famous hydrangea temples in nearby Kamakura…

HASEDERA TEMPLE  in Kamakura

Every kind of hydrangea you can imagine greets the waiting crowds at the foot of Hasedera temple’s ajisai mountain

Stairs climb up through the flowers on the steep hillside behind the temple

You can sort of see why it’s famous

A waterfall of lace-caps engulfs a stone mini-pagoda

There are quiet nooks adorned with ajisai too.

Hours: 8:00 – 17:00

Open: Every day

Admission: ¥500

Map

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MEIGETSU-IN TEMPLE in Kitakamakura

The famous steps leading into the temple

Hydrangeas and bamboo

Hours: 8:00 – 17:00

Open: Every day

Admission: ¥300

Map

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Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.