Sabrina Zollo's Blog, page 3

On the inside looking in

There is a strange phenomenon in the Toronto nightlife scene that is capturing crazy people by storm. And it is the Toronto Sunday brunch scene. I liken it to Spring Break but with more pretentious people and expensive booze.

A girl friend invited me to one such event.  “But you have to be drunk to enjoy it,” she warned. Naturally, this only compelled me to do the opposite. Although a bottle of wine makes me extremely witty, (see A Love Letter to Pinot Grigio), I don’t need alcohol to have fun.

But once there, my sobriety lasted half an hour. It turns out that drunken debauchery when inappropriate and without cause is quite infectious.

“Who are these people?” I asked my friend as the bottle service arrived at our table and I joyfully waved the sparklers handed to me by the shooter girls.

Indeed, they did seem to lack judgment and common sense, but I nonetheless felt like a deficient bystander amongst this trendy must-be-seen crowd who have nothing better to do on a Sunday but get senselessly inebriated. Moments later, when the shots arrived at our table, a photographer asked us to pose for a series of publicity photos for the restaurant.

After “brunch”, the tables were cleared to make room for the dance floor. This is so wrong. I need to work tomorrow morning, I thought, as I danced maniacally, double-fisting my two drinks.

Hours later, somewhere in between the epic dancing and unwise mixing of alcohol did it occur to me that I am, in fact, one of these crazy people. I was not begrudgingly taking part in their Sunday sacrilegious rituals, but rather wholeheartedly embracing them like a born again Christian.

It is not lost on me that this is the second blog in a row that ends with the self realization of the extent of my insanity. What’s important is that I’m aware of it and this self-awareness can only lead to good blog entries. Yes, I see my glass as half full (of vodka).

And to that, I raise my glass. Cheers to Sunday afternoon, or anything for that matter.

On Unleashing the Beast Within

Over the years many have made note of my “healthy competitive drive”, often accompanied with belittlement and such descriptors as “obnoxious” and “obsessive”. I do not consider myself more competitive than most, just more outwardly expressive of this quality. Although, I admit, I’m very annoying to play cards with.

There is a fine line between driven and crazy. Case in point: when I run on the treadmill, I like to run faster than the person beside me. I don’t stop running before they stop. The other day I notice the girl beside me is booting it. When I run faster, so does she. I’m killing myself trying to keep up with my fine new adversary. My admiration soon turns into irritation. When is this bitch going to stop running? It is at this point that I realize that I’m running beside a mirror and, in fact, the girl running beside me is my own reflection.

I was both aghast and delighted. Firstly: I look so hardcore when I run! Secondly: the metaphorical nature of this story is astounding. Thirdly: yes, I am slightly crazy. But this is the kind of crazy that I embrace. I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am without this competitive beast within.

And so I say to my reflection in the mirror: Bring it.

Why I can’t be a spy

It’s a fact. Female spies are hot. I’ve studied Angelina Jolie’s movies and have come to terms with the fact that the world of espionage is not for me. I will have to find other ways to look hot, like blogging.

These are the important things I think about in my spare time:

I can’t run anywhere near as well as Tom Cruise.
I can’t fight in heels. In fact, I can’t fight.
I’m not at my best when I’m hungry, have had less than 6 hours sleep, am having a bad hair day (see Overpriced hair), have had more than 2 glass of wine or if Starbucks is out of biscotti. Other than that I’m good. About 5% of the time.
I get disoriented coming of out elevators, when in buildings, and at any point when driving.
I’m screwed if the MapQuest directions are wrong.
When I’m stressed, I really just need to stop. And drink.

Things that make me cry (that shouldn’t)

Bad haircuts (See Overpriced Hair)
Handicapped dogs
Pinot Grigio, but only out of love
The “Thank You Mom” P&G commercial. I’m not a mom or an Olympic athlete (breaking news, I know!), but apparently I’m very easily manipulated by marketers.

But seriously, who didn’t bawl like a baby during the first 5 minutes of UP?

I’m a sucker for every time the fat kid/loser rocks it on reality TV.

Grey’s Anatomy. I had to choose happiness and stop watching it.

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A Love Letter to Pinot Grigio

Oh Pinot Grigio, how I love you so. You make me so witty and clever, if not to anyone else, then at least to myself.  You’re even good for me when consumed in healthy amounts!  And even though I never actually consume you in healthy amounts, at least I know I have that option should I choose to exercise it.

I admit, I do stray every so often for a Sauvignon Blanc or a nasty shot against my better judgment.  But I will always return to you.  Please know that even though my liver may not always accept you, my heart always will. Pinot Grigio, you are kind, benevolent, magical, and I love you.

Forever Yours,

Sabrina

Things a Girl will Never Say

1. Do these pants make me look too skinny?

2. I look too hot in these photos.

3. OMG, these shoes are super cute!! I’m not gonna buy them.

4. I just got my period and I feel amazing!

5. I’m so excited to stay in tonight and watch UFC.

6. Those Victoria Secret models are so real.

7. I love it when you can see my panty lines through my pants.

8. That girl looks great with her boobs hanging out. She should do that more often.

9. Oh cool, I just got my first wrinkle!

10. I wish I could be more like Snooki.

Overpriced Hair

Thanks for visiting my blog! This is what I look like when I roll out of bed in the morning. No, not really, this is what I look like after spending a lot of time and money at an overpriced hair salon, which I visit frequently so as to have natural looking hair.

With this blog I hope to move, inspire and in general make you a better person. Just kidding, what kind of asshole do I think I am? It would be cool if this blog could just make you laugh, smile, or, let’s be honest, buy my book…