Teddy Steinkellner's Blog, page 2

MEMORY AVENUE: Selected Lines from my 3rd Grade Journal

Teddy’s 3rd Grade Journal. KEEP OUT! Don’t read it on a blog 14 years after it was written!

Hi, loyal readers/people who found my site by Googling “Anthony Davis teeth,”

So yesterday I was rummaging through my desk at home and I happened to discover this cobweb-coveredgem of a primary source document: my journal from 1998, the year I was in 3rd grade.

1/5/98: This is my new journal. I don’t have anything to call this but next entry I will have. Here is a few lists

Bad words I know: Shit, Fuck, Ass,...

BRACKETOLOGY: My Prediction for Every Single March Madness Game

Hi, Bracketeers!

I’m pretty sure thatMarch Madnessis my favorite time of year. At the very least, spending 16 full hours watching mostly-crappy college basketball during the first two days of the NCAA Tournament is my favorite Thing That Leaves Me Feeling Tired and Bad About Myself.

All right, maybe it’s not even the Tournament that I love so much, but the pre-Tournament excitement. I’m speaking, of course, of bracket-filling-out. You know, the annual office activity that leaves you saying, “Gu...

MEMORY AVENUE: 25 Life Lessons I Learned from the Berenstain Bears

My sisters and I must have been some pretty moralistic children, because every night of our upbringings, when it

Only Papa got the sad, sad memo…

came to be read-us-a-book-before-bed time, we always demanded that our parents give us aBerenstain Bearsfix. Yeah,Mercer Mayer, you were cool, and okay, Eric Carle, nice paper-tearing, and aight,The Bad Babies Counting Book, you were pretty gangsta.

But for my money, those other books could only beat The Berenstain Bearsin a sucking contest. And I thi...

MEMORY AVENUE: Fads of my Youth

Hi, Lego Maniacs!

In coming up with subjects for posts, I feel a certain pressure to be topical. The blogosphere is such a zeitgeist-y place, and sometimes it seems like the only appropriate things to write about are things that are happeningright

Hey! You’re in the news today!

now, like J.K. Rowling writing a grown-up book that we all secretly hope will suck so she has to go back to Hogwarts with her tail between her legs, or DMX saying mean things about that Canadian child actor who played the...

NEW RANKINGS: The Top 30 Cartoon Theme Songs of All-Time

Hi, Viewers Like Me!

After my scholarly and completely accurate analysis of the United States Presidents yesterday, it is time to tackle a much, much more important topic today: what are the raddest cartoon theme songs ever?

Now, just so you all know, if I have a Ph.D in Presidential Facts, then when it comes to Cartoon Theme Songs I’m Stephen Hawking. In fact, I frittered away four years of a Stanford education just watching 80′s & 90′s Disney and Nickelodeon crap on Youtube all day. THIS IS T...

NEW RANKINGS: My Top 43 Presidents

Where will this guy rank?

Hi, Fellow Americans!

It is Presidents’ Day, and for whatever reason, I have always loved, loved, looooved, why-don’t-you-marry-them-would-have-been-an-appropriate-thing-to-say-to-me, LOVED the Presidents of the United States. When I was in second grade, I obsessed over Presidents the way most second graders obsess over Pokemon cards and pogs (I’m told the kids of today crave pogs).

I learned every single one of them and everything about them. I learned them in order. I...