Michael Loring's Blog, page 8
June 28, 2014
Vegan Vampire Vaginas by Wol-vriey
Vegan Vampire Vaginas by Wol-vriey
Synopsis:
The biggest bank heist in US history. And Tom Palmer can’t remember pulling it off. And no, this isn’t your standard case of amnesia.
After a one-night-stand gone horribly wrong, Boston salesman Tom Palmer wakes up with a vagina implanted in his left hand.
Then his day gets worse:
Tom is transported across space-time to a nightmare version of Boston, one where the Bizarro virus has transformed half the population into cannibals.
Worst of all, Tom discovers that in this new Boston, he’s the infamous gangster Pussypalm, wanted for robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston a year ago.
He also learns that the vagina in his hand is prophetic, i.e. it talks . . . after sex.
With 130 people left dead during his bank heist and six billion dollars missing, Tom knows he’s living on borrowed time. It is in his best interests not to remember anything. Because once he does . . .
But then everything gets so much odder. Tom begins remembering what has to be someone else’s life. Or is it?
Review:
Vegan Vampire Vaginas by Wol-vriey is by far the weirdest novel I have ever read.
There’s no other way to put it. From beginning to end, the story of Tom Palmer (pun intended) is one of a LSD dream. Dragons, dinosaurs, sexual acts of the most extreme that borderline violent fantasy, Vegan Vampire Vaginas more than once made me cringe.
I had picked this novel up in the hopes of a laugh or two, but instead I got nightmare worthy scenes that still make me a bit nauseous to think about. This is a seriously talented author, for sure, but his descriptive ability makes it a bit worse for such a book. It’s bad enough to read about someone having sex with his own hand, but worse when the author is actually good at writing it.
I’m seriously shocked I finished this novel. I nearly gave up more than once, but I persevered and finished it all. I praise the author for his terrific writing abilities, but it’s what he uses them for that has me giving this book two stars (his writing having brought it up from a one star).
All in all, this was not my cup of tea.
Two out of Five stars!
June 26, 2014
All You Need Is Kill by Hiroshi Sakurazaka
All You Need Is Kill by Hiroshi Sakurazaka
Synopsis:
There’s one thing worse than dying. It’s coming back to do it again and again…
When the alien Mimics invade, Keiji Kiriya is just one of many raw recruits shoved into a suit of battle armor and sent out to kill. Keiji dies on the battlefield, only to find himself reborn each morning to fight and die again and again. On the 158th iteration though, he sees something different, something out-of-place: the female soldier known as the Bitch of War. Is the Bitch the key to Keiji’s escape, or to his final death?
Review:
DIE IN BATTLE, REBORN IN VICTORY.
All You Need Is Kill is a Japanese light science fiction novel by Author Hiroshi Sakurazaka, and the basis for the new movie Edge of Tomorrow starring Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt.
Keiji Kiriya is a greenhorn – a fresh recruit in the Japanese military. He’s trained to operate a machine called a Jacket; a suit of armor that’s designed to enhance a soldier’s capability on the battlefield. He’s never seen battle before, but is slated to be deployed on Kotoiushi Island to fight the dangerous alien species that had invaded their world twenty years prior known as the Mimics. When the fight starts Keiji finds he’s no match for the enemy and is mowed down rather quickly. But, through a tragic twist of fate, Keiji is reborn the day before the battle and is once again slated to die in battle again and again.
Every time he goes through one of these ‘loops’ – as he calls them – he learns to fight better. With each loop comes another experience in battle. By his 158th loop, Keiji is a certified killing machine. The greenhorn he had been the proverbial day before is no more. And when Rita “The Full Metal Bitch” Vrataski approaches him with the knowledge of his loops, the two form an unstoppable team against the Mimics.
As an homage to video game respawning, All You Need Is Kill by Hiroshi Sakurazaka is a Grade A science fiction story that is as unique as it is epic. I could not put this book down once I picked it up, and whenever I had to step away all I could think about was what would happen next. By the time I finished reading I was in awe that such an amazing book had remained under my radar for so long without me noticing. This is easily my favorite science fiction novel of all time, and I definitely plan to read this 159 times more.
Five out of Five stars!
June 22, 2014
Being Dracula’s Widow (Being Mrs. Dracula #2) by Faith Marlow
Being Dracula’s Widow (Being Mrs. Dracula #2) by Faith Marlow
Synopsis:
Over a decade has passed. Valeria and Emil, aunt and nephew, are living new lives in Brasov. But when a book is published bearing her late husband’s name, Valeria’s darkest secret is exposed and her happy life is left in ruins.
Valeria sets out on a mission to find out who revealed her story to the world but she meets a distraction in Paris she was not prepared for, someone who changes everything. Will Valeria survive her own blood thirst, or will she allow a new opportunity for happiness to slip through her fingers?
Review:
Being Dracula’s Widow is the second part in Author Faith Marlow’s Being Mrs. Dracula series, focusing on the story of Valeria – the first wife of Count Dracula – after the death of her famous husband.
It has been a decade since the famous ending to Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and Valeria Karajun-Dracula is the sole survivor of the band of vampires that the book demonized. Valeria strives on, intent on raising her adopted nephew Emil after the passing of her beloved Ilona; the second wife to Dracula. She is not the monster the famous book implies she is – at least not to the full degree – and all she wants to do is move on from the tragedy that tore away everything she had known. But, when Dracula is published and Bram Stoker further harms her life, she sets out on a quest to find revenge.
On her path to revenge, Valeria meets Lamond. He’s a young Parisian with emerald green eyes and a bright grin. She becomes attached to this man, much more so than she had ever perceived possible after the passing of her husband and sister wives. The two of them form a bond that, in time, morphs into love that saves Valeria from her pain.
I was incredibly impressed by this author’s story. I enjoyed the first book, the one that ran alongside Bram Stoker’s novel, but had been a little apprehensive to see how it would continue on after the story. This time around Faith Marlow had nothing to hinder her creative genius, no rules that she had to abide by. She had creative control over this story, and took Valeria down a path that was both tragic and fantastic. Valeria became a strong, independent woman after the death of her husband, but this causes her strife when she refuses to rely on others. By the end of the novel she learns the importance of asking for help when it is needed, and gets the ending she deserves after the horrible fate that has continually befallen her throughout her four hundred years.
Faith Marlow has written the vampire series that I have been waiting for, and I cannot wait for the next installment in the series!
Five out of Five stars!
Check out Faith Marlow’s website here!
June 10, 2014
A Fox’s Love (American Kitsune #1) by Brandon Varnell
A Fox’s Love (American Kitsune #1) by Brandon Varnell
Synopsis:
This is the tail…yes, that was a pun. Anyway, this is the tale of a young man…and various tropes and fanservices you’d expect to see in a Shounen Manga, but mostly the young man, who uncovers a world unlike any other; a world filled with strange and unusual creatures that look like they belong in a cosplay cafe, and the supernatural shape-shifting vixen who drags him into this world, regardless of whether he wants to be a part of it or not. Welcome to the wonderful world of Yokai.
Kevin Swift is a mature young man; he’s independent, responsible, gets good grades, and is one of the star runners for the track team. The only thing keeping him from being “Mr. Popular” is this strange problem he has around girls. He just can’t talk to them…at least, not without making a fool of himself.
Enter Lilian Pnevma (nev-ma). She’s cheerful, vibrant, and inhumanly beautiful. She’s also just plain inhuman, something Kevin learns the hard way when he discovers the gorgeous Lilian in his apartment instead of the two-tailed fox he brought home the other day. Lilian claims he is her mate and is willing to do anything (no matter how embarrassing it is for Kevin) to earn his love. Needless to say, life for Kevin Swift just got a whole lot more difficult.
Review:
A Fox’s Love by Author Brandon Varnell is a novel that parodies Shounen manga, set in America with a situation only seen in anime and stories from Japan.
As a fan of manga and anime, I knew I would enjoy this novel the second I saw it. When I started reading I was hooked immediately. Kevin is an interesting and hilarious character thrown into a situation that is way over his head. Lillian bursts into his life like a hurricane, destroying any and all normalcy he had with her undying love and readiness to get naked with him.
There aren’t enough stories with Kitsune in them, I’ve often said, so when I discovered that the heroine was a Kitsune I couldn’t pass it up. I was ecstatic to see a Kitsune outside of manga, and I was not disappointed by the way they were portrayed in this novel. The only reason I give this book a four star is because I felt the author’s tactic of breaking the fourth wall was a little tacky. Other than that, I seriously enjoyed this novel and I am definitely planning on reading the next installment of the American Kitsune series!
Four out of Five stars!
June 9, 2014
A Million Ways to Die in the West
A Million Ways to Die in the West
I’ve just gotten back from the theaters, having seen A Million Ways to Die in the West for a second time, and I felt the need to talk about it here on my blog because, seriously, I think you all need to see it.
This movie, from beginning to end, is full of non-stop laughs. I’ve been a fan of Seth Macfarlane since he first came out with Family Guy, and I was there to enjoy Ted, so when I first heard about this movie I knew I had to see it. I had seen all the trailers, and when the release day came I was beyond excited to see it. When I finally saw it I was not in the least bit disappointed.
I enjoyed it so much that I went to see it again today. By far it’s my favorite comedy, next to This is the End and, of course, Ted. The humor in this movie is spot on, and flows naturally. I think that’s what really makes me love it so much. It doesn’t rely on larger-than-life jokes that are given in a comedic way then given a second to settle. The jokes come naturally and with a believable tone. Charlize Theron in particular did a fantastic job giving such an authentic performance. Her interactions with Seth Macfarlane were my favorite parts of the movie, alongside Albert’s (played by Macfarlane) rants about the various things he hates about the West.
This movie is smart, quick-witted, and is just downright damn funny. I’m disappointed to see how the critics are taking it, but screw ‘em. Seth Macfarlane, in my personal opinion, is a comedy genius. Whatever he comes up with next will more than likely be hilarious, and you bet your ass I’ll be there to watch it!
See the A Million Ways to Die in the West redband trailer here!
Check out my five star review for the novelization of the movie!
Follow Seth Macfarlane on Twitter here! (because seriously, you have to)
June 7, 2014
Immortal Luck by Magen McMinimy
Immortal Luck by Magen McMinimy
Synopsis:
It’s been 100 years since his last feeding and Zander’s need for luck is gnawing at him. Free to roam the Human World, he ventures to the city built on luck and filled with humans ripe for the taking. While luring his prey and sating his hunger, Zander is forced to dodge the relentless pursuit of the elite Fae Warriors, Bain and Uriah, as they seek to stop him from causing permanent damage to his victims.
The loss of one’s luck, can have fatal consequences.
“A sweet scent drawing him forward, pulling at the hunger gnawing deep inside of him. The woman from the night before had been enough to sustain him for most of the day, but his need, his hunger, it was back.”
**Immortal Luck was originally published in Stalkers: A Collection of Thriller Stories**
Review:
Immortal Luck by Author Magen McMinimy is a short prequel to her Immortal Heart series, telling the story of Zander the leprechaun and his hunt for luck in the human world.
As this is a short story, I can’t give too much away for the plot. What I can say though is that this is the perfect opening for the series and the novel it precedes (Immortal Blood). Magen McMinimy once again proves her ability to create characters that draw you in and hold you tight until they’ve done what they wish.
Although this is merely a short story, there is more substance here than in most novels. Again and again I’m impressed by Magen McMinimy, and I certainly can’t wait to read more of her work in the near future!
Five out of Five stars!
June 6, 2014
Dorothy Must Die #1 by Danielle Paige
Dorothy Must Die #1 by Danielle Paige
Synopsis:
I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t ask to be some kind of hero.
But when your whole life gets swept up by a tornado—taking you with it—you have no choice but to go along, you know?
Sure, I’ve read the books. I’ve seen the movies. I know the song about the rainbow and the happy little blue birds. But I never expected Oz to look like this. To be a place where Good Witches can’t be trusted, Wicked Witches may just be the good guys, and winged monkeys can be executed for acts of rebellion. There’s still the yellow brick road, though—but even that’s crumbling.
What happened?
Dorothy. They say she found a way to come back to Oz. They say she seized power and the power went to her head. And now no one is safe.
My name is Amy Gumm—and I’m the other girl from Kansas.
I’ve been recruited by the Revolutionary Order of the Wicked.
I’ve been trained to fight.
And I have a mission:
Remove the Tin Woodman’s heart.
Steal the Scarecrow’s brain.
Take the Lion’s courage.
Then and only then—Dorothy must die!
Review:
Dorothy Must Die is the debut novel of Author Danielle Paige, and is a dark, dystopian retelling of the classic The Wizard of Oz.
Though, “retelling” isn’t the right word to use. This is more a sequel to the original story. Dorothy returned to Kansas, but what happened after that? She returned to Oz, of course, and took over with an iron fist. The Dorothy we knew from the books and movies is no more, replaced by a maniac with a lust for control and a need for more power.
Oz has become a desolate wasteland, dotted in the middle by the unmarred Emerald City. Munchkins are forced into labor, Winged Monkeys are cutting their own wings off in order to escape slavery, and the famous trio (the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, and the Lion) have become twisted caricatures of their former selves. The only person who can save Oz is Amy Gumm, a girl from Kansas with dyed pink hair and a drug addicted mother and a desire to just escape it all.
The future of Oz is placed in Amy’s hands.
I was skeptical of this book at first. I had seen the original movie classic, but had otherwise not been too enamored with the tale of The Wizard of Oz. But after reading this book, I’m ready to reassess my interests.
Amy is an extremely likeable character, and I found myself cheering her on throughout the novel. I also disliked the way she was treated, by both enemy and “friend.” You don’t know who to trust in this novel, and you can feel Amy’s frustration with everyone’s cryptic sentences and motives. In the end, the only person that can be trusted is Amy herself.
There are definite twists in this novel, more than once making me have to put it down to process what I had just read. Author Danielle Paige is certainly a master of the craft, and I’m, without a doubt, looking forward to the next book in this fantastic new series!
Five out of Five stars!
June 1, 2014
For Liberty: A Red Hot and BOOM! Story by Rene Folsom
For Liberty: A Red Hot and BOOM! Story by Rene Folsom
Synopsis:
While deployed overseas, his mission classified, the heartfelt letters Maximus writes are the only bits of communication Liberty receives during the year he is away. Her memories of him, along with a box full of letters, become her most prized possessions—that and the life growing inside her.
It’s not until communication stops, and the scheduled return of her Army hero comes and goes, that Libby begins to freak out. Her worry for his welfare, along with concern over her current situation, wreaks havoc on her once-solid nerves.
While she’s waiting for his return with bated breath, she clings to hope and remembers the words he once wrote: “A soldier doesn’t fight because he hates what is in front of him. A soldier fights because he loves what he left behind.” The infamous quote is a constant reminder of why he chooses to fight: For Liberty.
Review:
For Liberty is a Red Hot and BOOM! story from Author Rene Folsom, part of a collection of stories revolving around the idea of love within patriotism.
It’s been a year since Liberty has seen the man she loves, Max being deployed in Afghanistan. She’s worried that he may never come back, as his scheduled return date comes and goes without a trace of him. Without him she feels incomplete, and until he returns her world will not be copasetic.
On the other side of the world is Max, fighting in Afghanistan, dreaming of the day he can return to his beloved Liberty. He write her letters all the time, but is unsure whether she receives them or not as she cannot write him back. He misses her dearly, and after a tragedy and an unforeseen prolonging of his deployment, his desire to see her grows exponentially. It isn’t until her birthday that he is able to return, and when he does he gets a surprise that changes his world forever.
Rene Folsom once again brings another fantastic story of passion and love. Proving that even distance can’t destroy the bond of love, For Liberty is a terrific short read that I seriously recommend you pick up!
Five out of Five stars!
May 28, 2014
No Place Like Oz (Dorothy Must Die 0.5) by Danielle Paige
No Place Like Oz (Dorothy Must Die 0.5) by Danielle Paige
Synopsis:
In this digital original novella, Dorothy travels back to Oz to reunite with old friends, but her story may not have a happy ending. No Place Like Oz is a prequel to the forthcoming novel Dorothy Must Die.
After returning to Kansas, Dorothy Gale has realized that the dreary fields of Kansas don’t compare to the vibrant landscapes of Oz. And although she’s happy to be reunited with Aunt Em, she misses her friends from the yellow brick road. But most of all, Dorothy misses the fame and the adventure. In Kansas she’s just another prairie girl, but in Oz she was a hero. So Dorothy is willing to do anything to get back, because there really is no place like Oz. But returning to the land she left comes at a price, and after Dorothy is through with it, Oz will never be the same.
Review:
No Place Like Oz is a digital-only prequel novella to Author Danielle Paige’s debut novel Dorothy Must Die, continuing the story of Dorothy Gale and what happened after she returned to Kansas.
This isn’t the story you remember. Dorothy had clicked her heels together and returned home, but soon after she realized that Kansas isn’t her true home anymore. Home is where the heart is, and Dorothy’s heart was back in Oz.
Coming on Dorothy’s sixteenth birthday, all she can think about is returning to the wonderful world of Oz. She misses her old friends, the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, and the Lion. Life in Kansas is dull and gray, everything so sub-par now that she’s seen the fantastic fields of another world. After a disastrous birthday party, Dorothy finds a way to return to her beloved Oz, but things aren’t the same. And neither is she.
Dorothy’s character progressed from a sweet, young girl to a ruthless, selfish tyrant by the end of the novella. I was impressed by the author’s ability to take such an iconic character and twist her into something so dark and unrecognizable. I applaud Danielle Paige’s skill. I was hooked from the first chapter, and couldn’t stop until I found out what happened next.
This was a prequel, so to see how awesome this was I can’t wait to read the novel!
Five out of Five stars!
May 25, 2014
STARDUST Anthology Release!
STARDUST Anthology Release!
The new anthology by Cynthia Shepp and Rene Folsom is finally available on Amazon Kindle! It’s out early, so rejoice my friends! My short story, ISAAC, is included in this anthology and I’m extremely excited for everyone to read it, along with all the other AMAZING stories involved!
Check it out:
Synopsis:
Welcome to a world where space travel by the common man is as normal as getting on a plane, life has been discovered on other planets, humans travel light-years to find their soul mates, technology exists along the lines that we have only imagined, and a passport will take you anywhere.
Stardust… where love has no boundaries and worlds are just waiting to be discovered.
Ten different authors. Ten tales of fantastical love. Ten different ways to discover the stars.
