Ursula Kay Vos's Blog, page 2

New year, new you?

So you've made your New Years resolutions,
and now you are going full steam ahead with your plan for a 'new you', this
time will be different!

Here's a quick question for you: What
was wrong with the old you?

I am all for self-improvement, and
for having goals, however I do not buy into the 'new you' craze.  Here's
why.

1) I am the only one of me, no one
else can be me and I, cannot be anyone else.

2) There is absolutely nothing about
me that warrants my erasure! I may have flaws, but who doesn't?

3) I have no desire to live in a box,
or predetermined way of thinking.  That, to me, is the end of growth. I've
put a metaphorical ceiling on what I think it is that I 'should' be able to
accomplish, as well as what I can’t.

4) I don't know everything.
 (P.S. shhhh! Don't tell anyone who believes I do! )

5) I have surprised myself before, by
doing things I never thought I could.

 

So, here is where I am going with all
of this; I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and I am the only one of me.
 I have the ability to astound myself.  Therefore, why do I need a
'new me'?

 

This year I've resolved to improve on
my habit of procrastinating, and to continue writing and doing the things that make
me feel good.  I do not want a new me, I only want to grow with myself,
beyond boundaries or belief. 

 

Those things, while a part of me, do
not define me.  People do not come
with specifications.  For example,
you don’t define your humanity by how many times a day you laugh, do you?  There is no daily checklist you are
falling short of, and should you have a bad day, as everyone does at some
point, you are still you.  It is
not either, or.  Both exist,
happiness and sadness, struggle and successes.  And you are
still you, even on your worst of days. 
So why not strive to do the unexpected, the outlandish, or that dream
you keep secret.  I believe that is
the essence of living, and for me, that is what makes me happy! 

 

I wish you all a very happy New Year,
and my hope for you is simply this, Happiness!

UKVos

Happy Holidays!

With the holiday season winding down, along with the year, I would like to take time to say; Happy Holidays!
This is the time of year when great food, friends and family all come together.  A time of year, I like to think, can bring out the best in people!  Wether it is getting along and playing 'nice' at a gathering, or lending a helping hand to someone in need, this is the time of year that it seems people are more friendly.  
The holidays for me, are when I take an inventory of everything in my life.  I gear up for a new year and, like many Americans' I start thinking more about what it is that I would like to accomplish in the year to come.   
Over the years I have resolved to quit smoking, get better at my shopping habit, and all kinds of really lofty resolutions.  Like in 2012, I resolved that year to publish my first book.  So many lofty goals, some would say unattainable.  However unlike the year I resolved to quit smoking, or never shop again; I did fulfill that resolution, and with it I achieved what should have been another 'forget'em by February' goals.  
So what are your lofty aspirations?  What will you resolve to do? How will you surprise yourself in the New Year?

I wish all of you a safe and happy holiday season!  I'll see you next year!
Ursula Kay Vos  

Persevering beyond my circumstance.

I cannot pretend that I do not feel,

that the sting of your hatefulness does not hurt

 

I cannot pretend that I do not hope

or rather wish that somehow, something were different

 

I cannot say that I don’t envy

I envy family I have never had

 

I cannot say that I won’t wish

that one day, somehow you will change

 

I cannot say that your indifference and callousness does not
send my emotions on a familiar rollercoaster,

or that the life you want for me is anything I could ever
embrace

 

I cannot and will not say you have ever won

or that I will bow under your oppression

 

I cannot say that I don’t love

you, my family

 

I will not say that that love translates into something I deserve
to be ostracized for

nor will I allow your abuse to continue

 

I will not ever stop pushing forward

toward the life I want to live

 

and I will not and cannot submit to your bullshit,

your hopes for my failure fall on my less than deaf ears,

 

but my will to survive you continues still.

 

I will not ever claim perfection,

but I will always say that I rose above the ashes you
destined me.

 

And forever more, I will persevere, I will push on and
continue to prove,

I am not my circumstance.

 

UKVos

12/21/2012

Friends, Family and loss...

As a mother of two wonderful children, I, like many other Americans, was horrified at the tragedy of December fourteenth; which claimed the lives of twenty innocent children and six brave adults who sacrificed themselves to try and keep these kids safe.  
I have not been able to quantify in words this tragedies affect on me, or really yet come to terms with this horrible loss.  Each and every week, it is my goal to write something that is relevant, meaningful in some way, and that will affect some sort of awareness in the small percentage of people who read my blog.  This week I have struggled both as a mother, and on a very basic human level to be able to think of anything that would make any of this make sense, even within the context of a few short paragraphs.
So today, I think what I would like to do instead, is to simply remember.  The children and adults of Sandy Hook Elementary, and I would like to take this opportunity to say this; I can empathize, on a very basic level, and I am sure that all of my well intentioned empathy will still fall short for those who are grieving.  It is my hope that this community, its residents and their families can find comfort in those beautiful lives that were cut so tragically short.  
I think that when a tragedy of this magnitude comes around, we do in a sense get to see the very basic goodness that exists as a community and in fact a nation comes together.  As you prepare for your holiday celebrations this year, hold your children tighter, make sure they know you love them, and do not let this tragedy become a propaganda for another cause.  I hope that we can all just remember.  
Yes; I believe this country should have a honest and open conversation about mental illness.  About the treatment, and diagnosis and how we can come together as citizens for one greater good.  I am not a proponent of gun control.  I do not believe making the laws stricter will inhibit a criminal, or would be criminal from acquiring a gun.  I do however believe that it would make it harder for you average citizen to obtain a gun and thereby affect their ability to protect themselves and their families.  
A single twig will snap, however when you place a hundred of those same twigs in a bundle they are all but impossible to break!  
What would the impact of a nation of citizens in a democratic society like ours be?  If we come together, we are all but impossible to break!
My deepest sympathy goes out to all who have been affected by this tragedy.
Ursula Kay Vos

Life in my Parody

 

I AM perfection flawed.  A slow mix of overt confidence and internally awkward…

 

I am a paradigm, the prerogative I claim only muffled by the
words you say.

 

I am un-defined. 

 

Today, I’ll be a foodie and have orgasmic rapture over eggs Benedict
done right, and tomorrow; I’ll start my diet.

 

I’ll act tough- for a tough world

play insensitive bitch and perfect my edited words…

 

I’ll die inside for this façade of mine to survive.  Promote, preserve, and pursue a life
I’ll say I’ve never wanted, with you.

 

Wearing a mask of strength and confidence, like heavy
makeup, I’ll pretend to be a woman the world can’t touch.  And I’ll suffocate- I’ll die before
admitting that sometimes; it can get to be just too much.

 

Sorting old notes in a bleak and pessimistic tone, I can
pretend it was ok- I didn’t really care after all!

 

My saline tears cried for the commercial on TV- built of
pent and forbidden emotions.  I
wont cry for your beautiful lies…

 

Shrouded in confidence, applied by day-

I can’t wear my Dior un-willing to admit I’ll be lost in a tumultuous
world- where everything feels grey…

 

Where flowers are murder- and death is not to feel the sea’s
spray kissing my face- sating me in the knowing silence of horrifying comfort.

 

As I’ll count the cracks in the room, I convince myself I am
not afraid- while playing simile games.

 

dogs bark- I know I’ll be tough- after everything you did

 

Bruising and battery of my heart in love…

 

Whisking to your far away dreams and pissing on cars- I’ll
smile and laugh ‘cuz you got your mojo back…

 

I’ll play my games- my perfectly flawed soul never missed
you at all- counting cracks on walls- I’ll find peace of my chaos and run to a
nearby tree for a kiss goodnight.

 

preserving my sanity, one wet blade of grass at a time, In
graveyard playgrounds I’ll forget you were mine-

 

forgetting the story, we never did tell, forget the future
and everything we failed

 

I’ll surround myself with my dreams, and cut out your scene-
and in my perfection flawed I’ll give myself a moment to hear My heart beat…

 

chastise my beat and stand- dead on my feet- I’ll walk
zombie wonderlands and paddle oceans of waves of defeat.

 

I’ll sit in my window, and not think of you

My beautiful lie, in my beautiful façade…

 

I’ll articulate everything while clinging to my pain and in
my beautiful paradigm I’ll be happy-

as all can see…

 

Go home, walking empty streets and know in the tatters of my
heart,

it must have been me….

 

UKVos

10-15-2012

Happy Happy Holidays!!!

And we're off!  Another holiday season is underway, there are turkeys to bake and tree's to trim.  Such is a blissful madness as we all make the mad dash to Christmas.  
No matter the holiday you celebrate, I want to wish everyone a very safe and happy Holiday season.  As the bell ringers once again don the doorways of your favorite store, it is my hope that each of us can appreciate all we have.  Perhaps it is time to think of another less fortunate, or pay a visit to your elderly neighbor.
Not all charity involves money.  
For me, charity involving the donation of ones time is far more valuable.  As you get ready to celebrate, and remember what it is that you are thankful for; why not donate? 
I have found in the business of my days, the chaos of this time of year, it helps me to gain a little perspective to visit others or to volunteer.  Those problems we face are still there, they are very real, and we have things that we can be grateful for!  One does not cancel out the other, however you can begin to feel that warm, tingly feeling that comes along with being charitable!
So, what is it you would do if you were to donate your time this holiday season?  Will you volunteer at a soup kitchen?  Perhaps you will take some canned goods to a donation site?  Maybe you even volunteer at your local animal shelter and play with the pets waiting to be adopted?
Whatever you do, I hope you and your family stay safe this holiday season, and that it may lead you to feel more fulfillment in your life!
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a wonderful New Year!
UKVos

Calling on my civic duties.

Yesterday I posted a letter, a letter which I sent to both the White House and to the Maricopa County Recorder.  You see my county had approximately 600,000 provisional and early ballots yet to be counted when the announced the winner of a highly debated sheriffs race here in Phoenix.  One in which the incumbent only won by 80,000 votes.  
Being in a city like this, with a sheriff who is not only locally, but Nationally recognized for his racist attitude toward any and all minority, but more often shown to Latin decent, you wonder;Why so many had to cast provisional ballots?
To me, it is a sign or rather showing of our 'system' failing us as citizens again.
I urge you, to call on your civic duties and to stop this abuse of power before it is too late.  While I know some may argue that has been surpassed, and that it may in fact already be too late, I have only this to say; What did you do about it?
Debate is great, however actions make change.  So if you are at all concerned our President (he is the President whether you voted for him or not) has made his office accessible, by email, letter or phone, I urge you to take a step and work with our democracy.  
Without citizens participation Democracy cannot function.  I believe it is time for our voices to carry the miles to reach our leaders, so that they can once again and hopefully better than ever before, be for the people, and by the people.

The White House website
Maricopa County Recorder

Have a safe and happy holiday season!Ursula Kay Vos

Provisional Ballots

I am a 29 year old disabled veteran and registered voter.  On election day I was made to vote by provisional ballot because of a recent move.  I whole heartedly believe in this Country and in Democracy, however I was disappointed in my communities performance this election.  The purpose of a provisional ballot should not be a way to alienate any individual from voting, as I was voting more than half of the people who came to vote were also made to cast a provisional ballot.  I had sufficiently proven my address, had my state issued drivers license as well as my military id.  Standing in line I saw that most who cast these ballots were a minority, and all were made to have these criterium prior to being allowed to vote.  It is a sad day for me, politicians and politics have always been a bit shady but to impede democracy and the citizens right to vote was appalling.  I have sacrificed a great deal for my country as a soldier in the US Army, I did not make those sacrifices for politics to win over citizens.PV2 Collette A WoodruffUS Army Veteran
pseudonym Ursula Kay Vos

Self Sufficient Breakfast.

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, then you may have noticed that I like to cook and that I have recently began to raise chickens!  Apparently I am not alone, I have found so many 'backyard farmers' melding city life with the benefits of having a garden, or chickens or both! So I began to cook my breakfast this morning of oatmeal, egg, and toast.  As I did so I realized that the only store bought anything in my morning meal was the oatmeal!  Ah, I felt a nice little pat on my own back as I looked at my toast, my home made bread and my still yummy store bought oatmeal!  It felt good to look and see these things that I make and, to take a quick breath and know that my hard work does in fact, pay off! Which took my ever wandering mind into a new direction...  I have quoted Confucius, I've asked you to "Dance In Your Socks" all with the intent of sharing a small piece of me, with you all.  As I look at my breakfast this morning, I wonder; Has any thing I have said, or will say struck a cord? My self sufficient breakfast is not just on my plate.  There are routines we all have, and in my morning routine, it is my intent to build myself up and ready for the day.  Spiritually, Physically, and of course I eat!  When I wake up, I enjoy a cup of coffee out in my garden as I watch the chickens run excitedly out of the coop in search of some morning treats.  I love to read and catch up on what my friends far away have been up to, and more than anything I NEED to clear my mind of anything that may set me into a 'woke up on the wrong side of the bed' type day.   It is a system I will constantly fine tune, and edit to fit what my needs are right now, and one that took a bit to build.  For me, the work in finding my perfect for now routine, was well worth any bumps along the road.   What are your morning routines?  What kinds of things do you do to ensure that you at least begin the day bright and cheery?   Life happens, that is a certainty, the uncertain aspect is YOU, and how you will REACT to life!  Make every day a day worth the bumps.
UKVos 11/13/2012

Happy Veterans Day

Well that title says it all right?  It may for some, and for those of you reading this I want to thank you.  Veteran or not, thank you.
I was recently at one of the Poetry Slams here in Phoenix, AZ where I live.  I didn't take any pre-written material, and being the night of the final presidential debate I was feeling quite political.  What better than three hours of two candidates trying to prove their point of view to get you into a 'political mood' right.  
So going to my weekly slam at Lawn Gnome Publishing, I decided that my freestyle slam piece would be about the troops.
I began the slam piece by asking the audience one thing, "Even if you don't support the war, support the troops?" 
With that it seemed I had the attention of my audience.  Men and women play politics every day, and in some ways I have felt the backlash of a disgruntled America who is waiting and hoping for their government to stop worrying about their pockets and do the job they were hired/ elected to do.  
As a veteran and daughter, niece, grand-daughter and cousin of veterans I hear the unrest in my small corner of the world.  I can usually smile knowing it is the sacrifice of men and women like me, like my father, grand-father, great-grand-father, cousin and uncle that allow us the continued freedom to voice our opinions, even when they are in direct contradiction with those who lead us.
And so I ask you, whoever you are, wherever you live; Even if you don't support the war, support the troops?
They are sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, grandparents, and grandchildren too.  Like me.  Like you.  
MIA-POW  We will never forget. 
Thank you to all of you who have served.  Your sacrifice keeps me free. 
Ursula Kay VosU.S.Army