Jeffrey Allen's Blog, page 2

Well, This Is Totally Awkward

Having a pseudonym is already a bit confusing for me, so I don’t need anyone to further complicate the matter for me.

Amazon, apparently, wishes to further complicate the matter for me.

I went to check out the Stay At Home Dead page at Amazon a couple of days ago (NO!  NOT TO CHECK THE SALES RANK OR HOW MANY REVIEWS IT HAS!  THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS!  It was because…well, I don’t recall now, but I’m sure it wasn’t those things.  DON’T JUDGE!) and as I scrolled down the page this is what I found under the Author Bio:

JEFF ALLEN is a columnist for Dancing USA  magazine and the author of four books on social and ballroom dancing. He holds Membership credentials with the North American Dance Teachers Association, Inc., and the Pan American Teachers Association. After competing in national and international competitions and winning the Gold closed level at the North American Championships, Jeff turned professional in 1984. However, he considers his greatest accomplishments to be the more than 30 Top Teacher awards he has won and being listed among the top teachers in America by DVIDA as a Regional examiner and teacher trainer.

Yeah, that ain’t me.

Hopefully, this will all be rectified soon and no one will ever ask me to show them how to dance.  Because that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Hey Daddy

“Hey Daddy.  What should I be when I grow up?”

“I don’t know.  What do you want to be?”

“I think I wanna be a writer like you.”

“Okay.  That’d be cool.”

“Or maybe a teacher like you.”

“That’d be cool, too.”

“Or maybe a cat.”

“A cat?”

“Yeah.  Because you know how much I love cats.”

“Ooooookkkkaaaaay.”

“It’s gonna be a tough decision, Daddy.”

The Things Dads Do

I used to be a huge American Idol fan.  Like, I counted the days until it started and then studied the contestants, trying to spot the winner and then watched with great anticipation to see who would actually win.

Then Simon left and Jennifer Lopez joined the show and I vomited all over my shoes and lost interest.

But now my daughter is a huge fan and begs to watch it, even though Jennifer Lopez’s voice makes me want to rip my ears off and learn sign language.

So tonight, we are eating quesadillas on the couch and I’m pretending that I care about Idol because she loves to watch it so much.

These are things that dads do for their kids.

But really – I can’t stand Jennifer Lopez.