Leta Blake's Blog, page 107

Reading: Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex

Before we talk about sex, I wanted to let you know that I was interviewed about my writing process, themes in my writing, and more HERE at Cindy Spencer Pape’s blog. Check it out!

Now, on to the sex talk.

My daughter is six, and recently while at the zoo, we had the following interaction.

Zookeeper (indicating a group of adult rhinos and a baby rhino): They are on a Species Survival Plan. The AZA comes to look at our rhinos, evaluates their health and genetic history, and then tells us which two should be mated in order to produce the best outcome. This little guy has been selected to be the next breeding male for our zoo, and he’s here getting acquainted with our girl rhinos. When he’s older, we’ll be told which rhino he’ll be paired with to mate.

At this point, the zookeeper helpfully walked off.

Daughter: Mom, what does that mean? ‘To mate’? What does that mean?

Me: It means to try to make a baby together.

Daughter: How do rhinos make a baby together?

Me: Well, you put a grown-up girl rhino in the same area with a grown-up boy rhino, and…sometimes they make a baby.

Here I paused and waited for the obviously inevitable question of, yeah, but just how exactly do they make this baby?

Daughter: So…you put a boy rhino and a girl rhino in the same area…and they’ll make a baby.

Me: Sometimes they’ll make a baby. Not always. Or sometimes they’ll try and it won’t work. And sometimes they just won’t try at all. Oh, and they have to be grown up rhinos who are old enough to make a baby, too.

And I waited again.

Daughter: And the Species Survival people get to choose which rhino has to make a baby with which other rhino?

Me: Yes, in the zoos they do. But in the wild, the rhinos would choose for themselves.

Daughter: Okay, so, you put a girl rhino in with a boy rhino and if they want to and they are old enough then they can make a baby.

Me: Yes.

Oh, my God, I was sweating by now. I just knew the next question would be the big one that would require the full explanation.

Daughter: Okay.

And that was the end of that conversation. But obviously it isn’t the last time this will come up, nor should it be. And the last thing I ever wanted to happen is for this to end up being me:

Julia Sweeney talks about sex with her daughter with hilarious and horrifying results. Please watch this. You will cry laughing.

So, in preparation for what is clearly an upcoming conversation (or series of conversations over the course of many years), I started looking for books to help me get age appropriate talking points in order.

I very quickly found a rather troubling reality about the sex-ed books out there–most of them were very wrapped up in the cultural presentations of sex as something spiritual in nature, a beautiful life-time event, a gorgeous merging of souls and bodies, that produces almost magically a souled and personified creature within the woman’s belly. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the books gave the information needed to understand how sex works to make a baby, but the books also placed sex in a framework of a culture that sees sex as something to be dressed up in the window curtains of wonder and magic, in order to cover it with a sense of mystery and secrecy, leaving behind a whiff of sin. Many books placed a large emphasis on chastity and purity while presenting sex as a near soul-twining event that is beautiful, intimate, and elevated above all other forms of interpersonal communion.

I find these messages to be damaging. Sex, quite frankly, takes some getting used to, and it’s not always (or even often) a beautiful lifetime event. It can be awkward, and weird, and sometimes a little uncomfortable. If it’s not with someone you care about (and even if it is with someone you care about), it is sometimes embarrassing, or strange, or disjointed. Sex can be a lovely soul-twining moment. It can be beautiful, intense, passionate, amazing. But, you know what? A lot of the time, it’s just fun, hot, awesome, boring, dull, entertaining, amusing, awkward, weird, satisfying, whatever, and it doesn’t do anyone any favors to make sex out to be something it’s not.

Also? All of that has nothing to do with how babies are made. Babies are made by a simple biological function, and love and wonder and soul-twining have nothing to do with it. Babies are made in all kinds of situations where this idealized version of sex doesn’t come into play at all. (Shocking though that news may be to that asshole, Todd Akin.)

I know this picture is cute, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to have cute, pesonified versions of eggs and sperm in kids’ sex education books. It seems like only a step away from defining personhood as a fertilized egg.

As I looked through book after book, a question kept coming to my mind. Why is sex the only thing we teach our kids about where most of the material out there to teach it advocate giving them as little information on the subject as possible? How often have I heard someone say, when it comes to teaching your kids about sex, “Just answer their exact question. Don’t give them more than that.” Why? If my child asks me about electricity, I will try to deliver the information to her on her level, in terms of her ability to understand, but I won’t try to stop her from learning more about it by only giving her the answer to the exact question she asked me. It seems to me that sex is far too important and the possible outcome of ignorance far too negative to think that is the right course of action when teaching about it.

All I wanted was a book that would:

a) give the facts about how babies were made, actually made, without the religious overtones that were implicit even in the ‘non-religious’ books.

b) balance my desire for my daughter’s future sex life to be safe, consensual, respectful, pleasurable, responsible, and fun, without it having anything to do with the beauty of human intercourse and the gorgeous intertwining of souls to make a baby.

So far this is my favorite.

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask)

A father who looked to be about forty-five asked one of us a question, and as he spoke, it seemed as if he was voicing the dilemma of an entire generation. “How can I give my daughter a healthy attitude toward sex,” he asked in earnest,” but prevent her from having any?” If you know where this guy is coming from, this book is for you.

From the product description on Amazon.com:

If you’ve ever tried to tell your six-year-old how babies are made or your fourteen-year-old how condoms work, you know that grappling with telling your kids about sex can be a sweat-drenched exercise. But it doesn’t have to be. Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask) is a one-of-a-kind survival guide that will help you stay sane through every stage of your child’s sexual development. After interviewing scores of parents and analyzing decades of scientific research, two nationally respected, Harvard-trained physicians share their expertise in this brilliantly insightful, practical, and hilarious book that has fast become the leading resource for parents of toddlers to teens. This indispensable guide covers all the bases, including:

• What to expect at each stage of your child’s development and how you can influence it from birth onward

• What to tell your kids at every age about sex and how to get the conversation going

• What to do when your five-year-old turns up naked with the girl next door, your toddler is rubbing on her teddy bear, or your six-year-old walks in on you having sex

• How to avoid unnecessary clashes with your middle-schooler while managing privacy, crushes, and what to wear

• How to encourage your teenager to use contraception without encouraging her to have sex, and how to help her choose the method that’s best for her

I have laughed out loud over and over and I’m only a few pages in. Something this book accomplishes in the very first five or six pages it to make you feel like your child and his/her behaviors and questions with regards to sex and sexuality are all incredibly normal. It also advocates a good approach to the possibility that your child might be gay and promotes the concept of sexual diversity being normal and to be expected. And it gives parents really excellent talking points and reality checks, while normalizing our nerves and anxiety about these conversations.

I absolutely and without reservation recommend this book. Oh, and you can buy it at any age. It’s got good information for all stages of a child’s development. You can buy it HERE.

Watching: Vividcon: Disarm by obsessive24

Title: Disarm

Summary: The killer in me is the killer in you.

Warning: Spoilers for, well, all of Harry Potter basically.

Link: CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO Password: expelliarmus

Unfortunately, though understandably, the vidder has chosen not to allow the vid to be embedded outside of the site. It is also password protected. I have no doubt that those few extra clicks and taps will prevent a lot of people from watching this vid, but I’d like to suggest that would be a mistake.

Disarm is a fantastic character study of Draco. I should go ahead and take the fall now of admitting that I’ve never been a fan of Draco. I was always glad for his redemption, as I’d be for anyone’s, but I never liked him as a person, nor did I find him especially compelling to ponder. That is until watching this vid.

Link of interest about this vid:

1) Vidder’s Notes, downloads, and lyrics.

The killer in me is the killer in you.

My favorite parts:

1. The scene where Dumbledore’s hand grips Harry’s arm and it becomes grotesquely clear that there is an utter disparity in support between Harry and Draco.

2. When you see that Draco was put into the position of murder by everyone he ever knew, it’s heart wrenching. And it becomes clear that Harry could’ve been that person, too, but for the people around him, but for Dumbledore’s hand, and his friends.

Let me know which parts you enjoyed, found moving, or if you had any reaction–expected or unexpected–at all.

Performance: Jay Brannan in Nashville 2012

Dear Jay Brannan’s Fan Named Kim and All Of Her Drunken Friends,

I understand that you love Jay Brannan. I do. Heck, I love Jay Brannan, too. I understand that his music moves you. His music moves me, too. Luckily, though, his music doesn’t move me to get obnoxiously drunk, scream loud things throughout his set, crash his songs in the middle by trying to give him beers, or to sing along really loudly like I got confused, forgot they were singer-song-writer songs, and thought they were rousing pub tunes or something. Nope, his music just doesn’t move me like that. And I wish it hadn’t moved you like that, either.

Thanks for making the night a mess of second hand embarrassment, amazement, and anger. Believe it or not, I came to hear Jay Brannan, and paid money for that privilege. I didn’t come to see you misbehave and hear you and your friends sing. Okay, fine, I admit it. It was entertaining in a horrifying way that can only be described as oddly affirming. As in, I might not be the most awesome human in the world, but I am not so wretched as all that. And, Kim, seriously, honey, that’s not that kind of life affirming that you want to be to people. It’s just sad. Do better. Be better. I believe in you.

Sincerely,

Leta Blake, who wishes you well

*

Because I was traveling to Nashville after I got off from work, I missed the first opening act and I was only there for most of the second opening act–a guy named Jesse Ruben who had some fine enough songs, but also seemed to suffer from ‘nice guy’ syndrome and possibly wanted to pick up geeky-hot girls by throwing out his vested interest in everyone worldwide reading Harry Potter and The Hunger Games? Which I found charming if rather transparent? Um, I might’ve been paying more attention to his persona than his music. He was kinda cracking me up with his pretty blatant appeals for someone to give him a good college try. And I’m not talking about trying his music. But he was all right. And not bad to look at. That’s always a plus. See?

*

Now, on to the main event.

Jay Brannan was delightful and classy given the antics of Kim and Her Drunken Friends. His voice was on point, his anecdotes funny, and his attitude good given the circumstances.

I don’t want to dwell on the negative, but I will say that his set list left a bit to be desired.  In case he’s out there reading this–Jay, the Brendan story is awesome, the song is…not the best for a live show, especially when psycho Kim is making a ton of noise with her table full of beer bottles and drunk friends.

And, seriously, “‘Denmark’ or ‘Greatest Hits’” should never be words that come out of your mouth. Thank you for playing both of them. No one should be made to choose. That’s just cruel. They were lovely and only marred by Kim’s sing-along gang. Somehow I just couldn’t get past the inebriated and misplaced enthusiasm they had when singing the lyrics, “A punch in the gut, some black ’round the eye, there’s red from my lips, and I’m asking God why.” You, however, were flawless.

I did not take this photo. I have no idea who did. It was not from the Nashville show.  

Now for an annoyingly entitled proposed future set list for Mr. Brannan:

Beautifully

Everywhere There’s Statues

Housewife

Can’t Have It All

Video Games (cover)

Spanglish Song

La La La

Ever After Happily or Bowlegged and Starving (if you have a piano)

Home

Rob Me Blind

Super Bass (cover)

At First Sight

Greatest Hits

Denmark

The State of Music

As for whether or not I recommend going to see a Jay Brannan show, I have to say yes. Because Kim probably won’t be at your show to ruin it for you. Also, buy stuff from him. Guy needs money so that he can eat more sandwiches before he wastes away to nothing. Bruises not withstanding, Mr. Brannan.

Go forth and buy Jay Brannan’s music! And watch him on YouTube, too!

Watching: Vividcon (Only Not) – You by lolachrome

First, before we get started with today’s blog post, I’m very happy with THIS REVIEW of Earthly Desires from jeayci at Reviews by Jessewave! 4.5 out of 5 stars!

Once upon a time, there was an m/m romance that with its first paragraph transported me to that magical realm of fairy tales. I’ll share that paragraph now, an invitation to join me there…

Read the rest of the review and, if you haven’t already done so, I won’t stop you if you wanted to buy the book.  Now on to a beautiful vid!

I’m not linking to Lola’s Vividcon video (yet) because the vid that she released just before she left for the con is breathtaking. For the record, I don’t watch Glee (anymore) but I still thought this vid was not only gorgeous but also spoke volumes about the character of Kurt. However, what really got to me was the way it spoke on a meta-level to the difficulty still attached to achieving one’s dreams when a person doesn’t perfectly fit the gender stereotypes. Yet, Kurt is resilient…his love may be too big for us yet, but he doesn’t quit. There he goes again.

Title: You

Summary: My love’s too big for you my love. A Kurt character study, with help from Judy Garland, Gene Kelly, and Lady Gaga, to name just a few.

Warning: Spoilers through Season 3

Links of interest about this vid:

1) This vid was dedicated to the life of Alex Doty who passed away. Lola links to his work of analyzing Glee.

2) Annotations and credits as well as other information on the making and inspiration of the video.

3) The video on Archive of Our Own

4) Kurt and the Casting Couch– To quote this amazing analysis:

The central contradiction at work here was the assertion that Kurt could not be an object of erotic attraction for women and girls, when in fact, beyond Glee’s textual confines, the opposite is true. Female (and many gay-identifying) fans eroticize Kurt/Chris Colfer constantly — more than any other character on Glee – at his concerts and in countless online fan sites. Kurt/Chris is a nexus of identification and desire for fans worldwide, and it is precisely his unique blend of feminine and masculine characteristics – his genderqueerness– that audiences find erotic about him. It is also what cultural authorities find discomfiting. Colfer is both feminine and an out gay man, and his popularity proves that his femininity and gayness do not preclude his eroticization; fan reactions to Colfer are notably not those of mere “tolerance” or “acceptance” but rather of passionate love and unbridled enthusiasm for the new queer erotics that he embodies.

My favorite parts:

1. The opening. Because, really, how delicately she prepares our brain for the introduction of additional/older source material.

2. The Hepburn moments, the James Dean red jacket, the Gene Kelley and Fred Astaire all mixed up with Kurt and Blaine, and, gosh, okay, just the whole thing. There’s not a bum note in this video.

If you watched, I’d love to hear your thoughts, or for you to share your favorite parts in the comments below.

Writer Wednesday: Lisa Carlisle

About Writer Wednesday: a couple of Wednesdays per month I will feature another writer and their work. Any writer of any genre is welcome to request participation by sending an email to leta.blake.author@gmail.com with the subject title WRITER WEDNESDAY COUNT ME IN! and I will get back to you about the details of participation.

Now, let’s talk with Lisa Carlisle!

1. The tagline on your website is “Dark Heroes, Feisty Heroines, Scorching Stories”. If your stories ‘do what it says on the tin’, what a delicious sounding recipe. What do you find most inspiring about this set up?

I’ve always thought the dark brooding guys are the sexiest. Who knows what they’re thinking behind their penetrating gazes? And I’m all for women being independent, taking care of themselves. And if that makes them a little feisty, even better. When you get those two together, watch out.

2. Smoldering Nights is Book One in the Underground Encounters series. It appears to have vampires and possibly other supernatural creatures. Can you tell me what makes it different from other novels of its ilk? 

For years, I’ve read stories about vampires, witches, and so on. What interests me most aren’t their specific powers or abilities, but the characters themselves and how they deal with whatever makes them different. So I don’t rehash too many of the old characteristics about vampires or come up with new ones like making them sparkle, I focus on how they choose to live with their differences. Do they embrace their differences or curse them? Do they try to live among other people or hide from them? And even more so, how do their differences affect their relationships? So although there are supernatural creatures in Underground Encounters, the books focus more on relationships, conflicts, attraction between two very different characters, and how they can make it work.

3.  I love that your website has a section devoted to exploring the world of Vamps, the nightclub featured in the series. ( http://www.lisacarlislebooks.com/welcome-to-vamps/ ) It’s such a clever and interactive idea. What inspired you to include pictures of the area in which your books are set? And what led you to come up with the idea of posting a playlist of music the DJs in Vamps might play?

Thank you! Well, I’ve worked as a Web manager and have written content for corporate Web sites for over twelve years, so now it was time to have some fun with this one! The Vamps nightclub is a big part of the setting in this series, almost like a recurring character. Walking to the nightclub is supposed to evoke walking into a dark, mysterious, gothic setting in an otherwise seemingly tranquil world. Those who choose to go there are attracted to an underground lifestyle, being with other people who consider themselves “different.” So I’m working on adding that feel to my Web site. The more I write in the series, the more I hope to add to make the site fun and interactive for readers and welcoming them to the world of Vamps.

4. I noticed that your heroine is a firefighter. That immediately piqued my interest. Is breaking the gendered and stereotyped norms for heroines a theme in your writing?

Since I served in the Marines, I know what it’s like to work as one of the few woman in a male-dominated setting. I wanted that experience for my heroines Nike in Smoldering Nights and and Maya in the sequel Fiery Nights. Although they’re tough women who don’t take crap from the guys they work with, they have a secret side where they wear sexy outfits to an underground club to decompress from their stressful jobs and feel like sexy women once again.

5. You also write non-fiction under another name. Please tell us a little bit about those books. Do you find that the topics you write about in the non-fiction world inform your fiction writing as well? 

Sure. As I mentioned, I served in the Marines, which is a very male-dominated profession where the men outnumbered the women 19-to-1. There are so many books out there from guys in the Marines, but not too many from women. I wanted to show another side of the Marines – through the experience of a woman. If you’re picturing a big, intimidating Marine, let me clarify. I’m petite, only five feet tall, and like to goof around.

Smoldering Nights

Nike loves visiting the goth club Vamps—she can exchange her firefighter uniform for a slinky fantasy outfit. There she runs into the man she’d been admiring from afar at a rock climbing gym. He’s been the star of all her sexual fantasies, so is it any wonder they end up in his private room upstairs? Just when things begin to heat up, Michel’s enemies appear.

Only Michel isn’t an ordinary mortal. And someone from his past is on the hunt for vengeance. Michel and Nike are forced on the run and hide out in a coastal cottage in Maine. They can’t resist their attraction and spend the nights exploring each others’ bodies while trying to sort out how they feel about each other. Can they overcome their differences to be together? And how will they evade the predators who are chasing them?

Read an excerpt at Ellora’s Cave.

About Lisa Carlisle

I’ve loved the vampire myth since I was in third grade and had a crush on Dracula (rivaled only by my eternal love for Darth Vader). When I was younger, I served in the Marine Corps and backpacked around Europe on my own, which has provided me enough settings and characters for a lifetime of writing. Now I live in the Boston area with my fantastic, supportive husband and two kids. I’m very happy to be a multi-published, award-winning author writing in different genres.

Disclaimer: I go bat-shit crazy before Halloween and start decorating my house on October 1st. You can never have enough gargoyles.

Links

Author site: Lisacarlislebooks.com

Buy link: http://www.jasminejade.com/p-10271-smoldering-nights.aspx

Facebook: www.facebook.com/lisacarlisleauthor

Twitter: www.twitter.com/LisaCBooks

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/lcbooks/

Watching: Vividcon — Anything for Love by astolat and Speranza

If you’re a fan of television or movies, especially if you’re one of those fans, then you’re probably aware that Vividcon took place a few weeks ago. And where there is Vividcon, there are great vids! I thought I’d do a series highlighting some of my favorites that came out of the convention.

Title: Anything for Love by astolat and Speranza

Summary: I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that! …oh, all right. (Vividcon 2012 Premiere)

My thoughts: A meta, multi-fandom vid focusing on the experience fans and fandom, their passionate and ultimately fickle nature, and the extent fans will go to for their love of characters (and pairings and fandom and fannish creations and sharing the love). If you have ever shared a fannish love (obsession) with any one, then you might know what it’s like to be Thelma and Louise going over that cliff. (“Let’s make that vid! Write that fanfic! Create that art! Whoosh! Plummet! Over the edge!”) As the vidders themselves put it–fans sometimes feel ‘dubconned’ into their big, massive, fannish emotions, and this video captures that so well.

Links of interest about this vid:

1) Annotations and credits as well as other information on the making and inspiration of the video.

2. The video on Archive of Our Own

My favorite parts:

1) I love that it’s multifandom. How hilarious/sad/something is it that I know every single source used in this, and have been fannish about several?

2) I adore the big, fat red X over Tumblr (I won’t do that) and how it just dissolves under the heat of fannish love (oh, all right, I’ll do that).

3) I love that the fickle nature of fandom is captured with Thor looking so betrayed at the end when the fans get distracted by Magic Mike, and Loki comforting him. “But, brother, why do they not want to write stories about our angsty, epic, not-really-incest-but-not-really-not-incest love anymore?” “It will be okay, Thor. Shh. It will be okay.”

4. I absolutely love how they’ve captured the gleeful, delightful, whimsical, gorgeous, awesome insanity of fandoms with Adam Lambert as Mary Poppins, the Lex Luthor paper dolls, the babies dressed in Star Trek uniforms, and etc.

There is meta in the use of this fanart! 

(by Thunderfrost)

 

If this post has you thinking, “Fandom? What? Tumblr, huh? What is this crazy stuff? And, really, all this madness,time, effort over movies and tv shows? Why? Why would you spend time on this?” Well, there is a post coming your way soon about how movies and television are important media, worthy of study, and that how people interact with this modern source of story and myth is massively important and amazing. But that day is not today.

In the meantime, go forth and do anything for love, y’all. Just don’t…do that. (Oh, all right. Do that.)

Reading: A Companion to Wolves

What this book is not: This book is not a male/male romance. This is not a bad thing. On the contrary, I think I was more relieved by the fact that it was not a romance than anything else that happened in the plot-line of the book.

What this book is: This book is a well-written fantasy novel that seemed to just get better as I read, instead of falling apart from an interesting premise as is so often the case. And, yes, there was some homosexual activity within the main story, but the variety of emotional love between men represented in this novel was refreshing. Rather than the book being all about the grand, sweeping romantic love that almost every book in the world features as the main driving force of every character to some degree, this book concentrates instead of a kind of bond between humans — in this case men — that is just as deep, just as important, and just as vital, even if the romantic aspect is either not present at all or buried under a lot more intense connections that supersede romantic love. There was the bond between the men and the wolves, the bond between the wolves themselves, the bond between human members of the ‘pack’, the deep abiding love of men who have given up everything in their prior lives to be in the situation they’ve chosen, and to fight alongside each other in a war. The fact that there was sex thrown into that mix for *reasons* (it made sense within the world of the book) — sex that while at times had dubious consent, or at least a lack of enthusiasm, ended up being pleasurable with the ‘right’ partners.

Art by Copperbane Studio

I almost hate to focus on the sex because while I found it titillating (hooray!) in the end it seemed to be one of the least important things about the novel (though admittedly one of the things that got me into the novel in the first place, because hooray for intriguing, unconventional sexual situations in books!), but given how the sex is represented in some of the comments, I feel like I want to address it. I think any reader of BDSM novels will recognize some elements within the story. Man is equal to the wolf (in good BDSM the sub is of the same or greater value than the dom), but in the matter or situations driven by pack instinct, such as mating, then the man must not fight the choices of the wolf. “It’s her [the wolf's] choice,” was mentioned more than once, and reminded me of BDSM scenes in which the sub allows the dom to choose a partner (or partners) for him/her to have sex with, and in which the sub allows the dom to choose what happens to him/her during a scene of any type. It’s pretty clear in actual BDSM research I’ve done, while less clear in romanticised BDSM novels, that there are times the sub does not sweepingly love the choices of the dom, or even entirely *enjoy* them all. I suppose that is the kind of mindset I had while reading those scenes, and I did not find them troubling or difficult to swallow. However, if that kind of reading (or in my case research for writing) isn’t part of your personal history, then the lack of swelling romantic feeling during the sex scenes might be off-putting; this might be complicated for a reader by not going into the book understanding point one above: this is not a romance novel.

Being who I am, of course, I did start to develop an attachment to various other men that I wished Isolfr would fall for, but in the end I was happy that was not the way the book went.

This book reminded me of a more enjoyable, more interesting, fantasy version of The Sagas of the Icelanders by Jane Smiley. Only better. Because that novel nearly made me cry tears of boredom. (Sorry, Jane Smiley!) This book was not written for the purpose of anything more than telling a sweeping tale of an unlikely, almost unwilling hero, and his wolfsister and pack-brothers. I was encouraged and relieved to find such a book existed in the world. Not every book featuring m/m relationships, or m/m sex, needs to be romance.

In other words, I loved this book for all that it actually was and didn’t hold it against it for all that it wasn’t. In fact, I rejoice in what it wasn’t.

Writer Wednesday: Amelia C. Gormley

About Writer Wednesday: a couple of Wednesdays per month I hope to feature another writer and their work. Any writer of any genre is welcome to request participation by sending an email to leta.blake.author@gmail.com with the subject title WRITER WEDNESDAY COUNT ME IN! and I will get back to you about the details of participation.

Today we’re talking with Amelia Gormley!

1. Inertia is your first published book. What is your writing background?

I’ve been writing stories since the sixth grade and novels since the eight grade. Sometime not long after I discovered reading, I realized that I could do that, too. I could tell stories, and that I had stories to tell. I got sidetracked for about 25 years diving headfirst into fandom. Original material kinda got drowned out in my head in favor of the omni-present question of “what happened then?” or “what if?” that I would so often ask when I submerged myself in another world and invested myself in someone else’s characters, be it a TV show or video game or whatever. But it came full circle, in a way, and now I’m back to original characters and worlds.

2. What led you to go the self-publishing route? Has it been a satisfying experience so far?

Honestly, I had never considered getting published until last November. I was unaware of the indie publishing market, and I didn’t know about all the small niche presses that have cropped up. I assumed trying to get published meant finding an agent and trying to get in with the Big 6. While I knew I was a good writer and that my writing in fandom circles had been very well received, I also knew I wasn’t of the calibre that would require and I had doubts about my ability to package myself and my writing in such a way that would catch the attention of an agent or editor.

Then a friend of mine, who was a big supporter of my fanfiction, told me I should self-publish e-book erotica over at Amazon. She told me it was becoming a big thing and that she was purchasing a lot of it, and that what I wrote was better than a great deal of what she was finding there. That led me to discover SmashWords as well, and I decided with these two outlets, though I might never see huge commercial success, I could get my name out there, start building a brand for myself, and maybe just prove to myself that I could write something without the lure of fandom connections hooking readers into it, without that ready-made audience writing in fandom provides, and people would read it and respond to it.

And so far that has worked. One huge way in which it turned out to be a boon was in the decision to hire a professional freelance editor to do a developmental edit. It was expensive, and it required my husband and I making some sacrifices to find room in our household budget to do it, but he believed in me and invested in me and it paid off (well, in terms of experience and knowledge acquired; monetarily it’s going to take a few months, I think.) The book is much stronger both in terms of story and characterization, and I learned a great deal from the process that I will carry forward with me into future projects. Danielle Poiesz is top-notch and I’m looking forward to working with her on Book Two.

The other advantage was the control over the cover art, which leads me very neatly to your next question.

3. Kerry Chin is the illustrator of your book cover. What was the process of coming up with the cover like?

I knew Kerry Chin through fandom going in to the process of writing, and consider her to be a good friend. She’s amazing. Because we’re friends, I was able to share the story with her as I was writing it, and so she got to witness the development of the characters and establish a relationship with Derrick and Gavin herself. She’s been with them since the very beginning and knows them intimately, and I think that was a huge boon in her ability to come up with the cover art. We were able to bounce ideas off each other of moments in the story which seemed particularly worthy of translation to art and what the mood of the piece needed to be. I think she did a fantastic job, particularly with the attitude evident in their facial expressions. Derrick’s long-suppressed need and Gavin’s fear and sadness.

4. What was the inspiration for Inertia?

Derrick and Gavin are loosely based on original characters a friend and I created for a roleplay we were doing. It was my friend’s idea to take those characters out of the roleplay setting and put them in a modern context, and when we did that, they evolved into characters who were different even from the ones we originally created. It was there that the story was originally born.

5. How do you juggle motherhood and writing?

It’s tricky sometimes. I eek out my writing time mostly in the evenings and weekends when my husband is home to take over parenting duty. During the daytime, I try to squeeze in moments of concentration between meals and cleaning and reading and playing games and singing songs and outdoor activities. It can be very difficult, and I’m looking forward to him being in kindergarten in the near future so that I can devote more time to writing. I have a year until he’s in the first grade to figure out whether I can do well enough at this to continue to do it as a full-time job.

I’ve been extraordinarily blessed in that I have a husband who is very supportive and who wants to see me succeed in this. He has been helping with parenting obligations and trying to make sure I have time to write, as well as, like I said, investing in having the first novel edited.

6. You’ve mentioned to me that there are some specific issues within the book that you had concerns would not play well to your audience, such as HIV and a history of abusive relationships. Has there been any pushback on that front, or has the audience seemed generally receptive to your portrayal?

My fear was that I would be accused to portraying gay relationships in a negative light, by showing that a gay relationship can be abusive, or that I’d be accused of stereotyping by featuring a gay relationship where HIV concerns are explicitly addressed. I think supporters of the gay rights movement want to get away–and rightfully so–from the persistent assumption that HIV/AIDS is a “gay disease.” It’s not, of course, and anyone who is well-informed understands that, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still an issue.

I know a lot of m/m novels feature condom usage and are diligent about it, but to my knowledge (and I could be wrong about this) very few actually feature the spectre of HIV infection as a central point in the plot. As for the abusive relationship, we as writers and supporters of the gay community want to portray gay relationships in a very positive and healthy light, to normalize them and present them as a good thing. But abuse can happen within gay relationships as well as heterosexual relationships, and to ignore that fact, I think, is to heteronormalize abuse and make it harder for victims of abuse in gay relationships to seek help. Equality means that the same things that happen in heterosexual relationships can happen in gay relationships, good and, unfortunately, bad.

So far I have been very lucky in that readers have felt that my handling of these topics has been respectful and I think they’ve understood my intent with it, so I’m very encouraged by that.

7. Inertia is the first book in a series. How many books are to come? And what else can we expect from you in the future?

Impulse is a trilogy. Inertia was about these two men, each of whom are afraid and wounded for their own individual reasons, finding the courage to reach out to each other, for Gavin to begin accepting that he’s not damaged goods, for Derrick rediscover his passion and let himself begin to connect again with all the urges he’s been denying.

The second book chronicles Derrick and Gavin as they settle into this new relationship they’ve decided upon. It’s about sexual exploration, as Derrick is a character whose sexual development just sort of came to an abrupt standstill right as he entered adulthood. It’s about Gavin learning to trust in areas where he’s developed a sort of hypersensitivity to problems for fear of falling back into unhealthy and abusive patterns. It’s about Derrick learning to open up and lean on someone after so many years of self-sufficiency.

The third book deals with the end of the arc with the HIV question and Gavin’s ex still attempting to control him, and with Derrick learning that there’s a difference between living as an out bisexual man and quietly passing, which he’d been doing in the past because he’d been both celibate and deeply private, so no one had ever realized he was bisexual. He’d never had to deal with intolerance before and that will become an issue for him, complicating that last span of time leading up to the moment of truth for them.

Future projects include a short story set in the Scottish Highlands, which I actually began writing a couple days ago. It might lead to a series, I’m not sure yet. And in the conceptualizing stages, I had what may become a series of contemporary shorts which are less romance and more erotica, particularly very kinky erotica.

And after that? Who knows!

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Amelia C. Gormley has been writing romance novels since junior high, and erotic romance novels since high school (she makes no promises that the early, high-school era ones were actually any good.) But it’s in writing m/m erotic romance that she’s finally found her home. She is thrilled to have recently published her first book.

When she’s not writing, she’s taking care of her husband and five-year-old son.

Inertia at SmashWords

Inertia at Amazon

An Object At Rest

By the age of 21, down-to-earth Detroit handyman Derrick Chance had lost everyone he’d ever loved. Too worn-out and wounded to play the dating game, he wrote off the possibility of relationships, or even just sex. Living alone in the old house his grandparents had left him, with only his dog and a few close friends for companionship, he refused to consider himself lonely, or let himself wonder what he might be missing. He knew who he was and where he was headed. His life was comfortable, organized, predictable, and best of all, risk-free. He was content.

Until the day he installed some shelves for accountant Gavin Hayes. A contradictory combination of confidence and uncertainty, Gavin’s shameless flirtations drew him in with an intensity Derrick had never known he longed for. As undeniable as the force of gravity, he abandoned ten years of self-imposed solitude and found himself falling rapidly for Gavin in defiance of all his usual slow and methodical ways.

But Gavin carried wounds of his own. Fresh from an emotionally abusive relationship that ended with a potentially dangerous betrayal, his future was far from certain. Derrick would have to decide if his rediscovered passion was worth taking the chance of another loss.

You can find Amelia at:

http://ameliacgormley.com

@ACGormley on Twitter

Her author page at GoodReads

Her profile at Facebook. You can also LIKE her fan page at Facebook to receive current announcements and updates on her work.

Sweetness Follows

I’d like to point you in the direction of a sweet and hopefully charming (and free!) story I wrote. It’s called Jumping In With Both Feet and it’s at Cryselle’s Bookshelf.

Thank you to Cryselle for the prompt and opportunity!

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It was interesting to me that my post, The Unimportant Voice, received more hits in one day than any other post on my blog, and yet there were nearly no comments. I wasn’t sure how to interpret that data. At any rate, it did inspire me to continue with the series in the future. I have one or two more posts to make from that entire train of thought, though it will likely be a few weeks to a month before I post the next one. My brain is sadly not turned on for thinky-thoughts of late. Hopefully, it will boot up soon.

Fan Vid: Fabulous Beekman Boys: Spying On Hope

So, I made this fanvid. It took around 9 months to make because I couldn’t find the source I wanted (and I never found the source I wanted), but mostly because Windows Movie Maker is the most hellish video making software ever. Let me assure you that this would be a better fan video if I didn’t have to listen to the song from the beginning every time I made a change or tweak, because otherwise the music didn’t line up. Truthfully, there are still many things I’d change about the final product, but I can’t hear the song again. Not for awhile, anyway. One day I might move on from the wretched, evil WMM and buy some proper video m making software, but I’m not sure when I’ll do such a thing, since spending money on video making products isn’t really in my budget, especially when I do it so rarely and can’t ever seem to find source.

Wow. Don’t you want to watch this now? Hah. Anyway, it’s a fanvid about The Fabulous Beekman boys.

Spying On Hope

And, no, I have no idea why it runs on for 2 minutes longer than the music. Uh, I’m pretty sure this is why I’m not a vidder. I’d be unwilling to put a story or book out in this shape, but when it comes to vids I’m all, “GOOD ENOUGH.” And done.