Stephanee Killen's Blog: Buddha Breaking Up Blog, page 3
July 18, 2013
Instability
The very instability we experience in life provides us with amazing opportunities to evolve…. http://t.co/dLE9sFBIYG
— Stephanee Killen (@StephaneeKillen) July 18, 2013
July 16, 2013
Interview with Stephanee Killen on “Books with Tien” Blog
New interview up on "Books with Tien" blogspot! – http://t.co/hHLh6zfLm9
— Stephanee Killen (@StephaneeKillen) July 15, 2013
July 12, 2013
Interview on “Speaking of Poetry”
Today, 6pm ET, I'll be on "Speaking of Poetry" talking w/ host Vernell Bristow about "Buddha Breaking Up" and poetry! http://t.co/AvHZvb8Alp
— Stephanee Killen (@StephaneeKillen) July 12, 2013
July 2, 2013
On Becoming An Adult
Having recently turned thirty-six, I find myself having what I like to call a pre-mid-life crisis. My life does not even remotely resemble what I’d imagined for myself when I was younger. This is, in no way, a unique experience. As Joseph Campbell so eloquently put it, “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
Now that I am closer to forty than thirty, it seems reasonable that now is also the time to face those difficult truths about r...
June 21, 2013
Goodreads Giveaway!
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May 21, 2013
FREE TO FIVE GIVEAWAY
Buddha Breaking Up -FREE TO FIVE- Giveaway starts today!
We’re giving away autographed copies of
"Buddha Breaking Up" to FIVE Facebook Friends.
The Grand Prize winner will also receive a $100 Amazon.com Gift Card!
Follow this link for official contest details!
(It's simple to enter! Really.)
We’re giving away autographed copies of
"Buddha Breaking Up" to FIVE Facebook Friends.
The Grand Prize winner will also receive a $100 Amazon.com Gift Card!
Follow this link for official contest details!
(It's simple to enter! Really.)
May 20, 2013
Exclusive to our Facebook Friends!
Buddha Breaking Up
-FREE TO FIVE- Giveaway!
We’re giving away autographed copies of
Buddha Breaking Up to FIVE Facebook friends.
The Grand Prize winner will also receive a
$100 Amazon.com Gift Card!
CLICK HERE for OFFICIAL CONTEST DETAILS
-FREE TO FIVE- Giveaway!
We’re giving away autographed copies of
Buddha Breaking Up to FIVE Facebook friends.
The Grand Prize winner will also receive a
$100 Amazon.com Gift Card!
CLICK HERE for OFFICIAL CONTEST DETAILS
May 19, 2013
May 14, 2013
[Your Name Here] and the Case of the Missing Ground
Here is what I think: We’re all standing on absolutely nothing. We think there is a ground because, sometimes, things feel pretty solid. It feels safe to trade in your combat boots for flip-flops, to rest easy, to walk at a leisurely pace and take in all the wonders along the path. But I promise you, at some point, the ground will seem to disappear right out from underneath you!
You had a job. Now, no job!
You had a wife/husband, hot girlfriend/boyfriend. Now, no one!
You had a house. Now, the bank has it!
You had a car. Now, the mechanic is poking his fingers through its innards!
You had youth. Now, you have wrinkles and extra pounds and hair sticking out of places where it really shouldn't be!*
What happened?!
Life happened. And life, I’m convinced, isn't concerned in the least with your desire to feel secure, and stable, and...you know...like you're walking on honest-to-god, not-going-anywhere, I've-got-your-back (and your feet) GROUND.
I often talk about "The Path" I am walking, but I also sometimes wonder what that means. The Path isn't a physical location, which I can map with my GPS. The Path can't exactly be tied down like that. (What do you mean? I want to say. That's its whole PURPOSE, right? To be tied down?) But no, it's not like the yellow brick road. It doesn't lead to the Great and Powerful Oz. Rather than being so glaringly obvious, it's more likely to be that hidden dirt road the width of a Twizzlers stick. It's not going to be straight. It's not going to be level. It's going to take you through a fire swamp or two. It's likely to start you in the middle and drop you off somewhere near the beginning. Oh, and just when you get comfortable, just when you're enjoying the sights, "The Path" is going to disappear. It's going to pull a rabbit out of a mud puddle, float it in the air that's now beneath your feet, and shout, "It's all an illusion. Abracadabra! Enjoy this next bit of nonsense."
WTF? There's no GROUND! That's what I'm thinking these days. That and, Where did this rabbit come from? How will I know where I stand if there’s no ground to stand on? And how will I know where to go next?
Well, let's start with this: I'm somewhere. That's for certain. No one's disputing that. It's just that I'm not quite sure where I'll be tomorrow, or one year from now, or ten. Frightening, I know. I might have to give up the notion of trying to build permanent structures on ground that does not exist. This means giving up the notion that I can know, with any absolute certainty, what is going on and what that means in terms of where I am going or what is going to happen to me once I get there.
I don't think this means going to bed and never getting up or making choices to do things toward our future (as much as some days I might like to do exactly that). Maybe it just means getting up, and then making choices with the understanding that this moment is the only thing that isn't a projection. (And even that cannot be said with any certainty.) I can talk about a future, but what does that mean? Can I give up knowing and still be open (i.e., vulnerable) in the present? Can I take action and then release my expectations regarding the outcome?
We are addicted to knowing. This always wanting to see the path laid out, with signs pointing in neon – TURN LEFT AHEAD. YOUR ANNIE-DILLARD-INSPIRED CABIN IN THE WOODS AND MILLION-DOLLAR BOOK DEAL, THIS WAY.
But in our eternal search for knowing, what ends up happening is just a lot of speculation, a lot of projection. In short, a whole lot of storytelling. All day long, we spin tales about what this or that could mean, and where this or that might take us if it means what we think it means—and in the end, what do we have? (Aside from an ulcer or a sudden desire for strong liquor?) We're still in the same place we were before—namely, in the place of not knowing until we know. In the place of groundlessness, where we are uncertain about where our life is headed, or where are choices are leading us, right up until we get there (and THERE is never FINAL until the end of the story).
What, then, is the point in all this questioning, all of this supposition?
I ask myself this on the worst of my chickenshit days, when I want to know so desperately what’s going to happen that I consider forcing an end to any of the various chapters in my life just so I can say I know the end. It's the worst kind of cheat. We want to control everything, probably because we can't really control anything.
So relax. That's what I tell myself. Take a deep breath. I'm not saying it's going to turn out okay. It might not. But in a strange way, this thought can relieve us of a lot of pressure. The path? Broken in some spots. Golden in others. Suspended in the air or completely invisible, as in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, requiring a step of faith out into nothing. We're searching for our own personal Holy Grail, and can we honestly expect the path to be straight and trouble-free? What hero’s journey worth its salt would be an easy one?
So, deep breath.
Look down. If you don’t see anything beneath you, don't panic.
Falling is okay, too.
*This also works in the reverse:
One day, jobless. The next, full-time with benefits.
One day, lonely neurotic/slob. The next, super hot man/woman falls head over heels in love with you.
One day, creative hack. The next, successful artist.
Isn't it awesome, when the ground disappears and you plummet, screaming all the way, into something...beautiful?
-Stephanee Killen
author of Buddha Breaking Up:
A Guide to Healing from Heartache &
Liberating Your Awesomeness
available now on Amazon.com
You had a job. Now, no job!
You had a wife/husband, hot girlfriend/boyfriend. Now, no one!
You had a house. Now, the bank has it!
You had a car. Now, the mechanic is poking his fingers through its innards!
You had youth. Now, you have wrinkles and extra pounds and hair sticking out of places where it really shouldn't be!*
What happened?!
Life happened. And life, I’m convinced, isn't concerned in the least with your desire to feel secure, and stable, and...you know...like you're walking on honest-to-god, not-going-anywhere, I've-got-your-back (and your feet) GROUND.
I often talk about "The Path" I am walking, but I also sometimes wonder what that means. The Path isn't a physical location, which I can map with my GPS. The Path can't exactly be tied down like that. (What do you mean? I want to say. That's its whole PURPOSE, right? To be tied down?) But no, it's not like the yellow brick road. It doesn't lead to the Great and Powerful Oz. Rather than being so glaringly obvious, it's more likely to be that hidden dirt road the width of a Twizzlers stick. It's not going to be straight. It's not going to be level. It's going to take you through a fire swamp or two. It's likely to start you in the middle and drop you off somewhere near the beginning. Oh, and just when you get comfortable, just when you're enjoying the sights, "The Path" is going to disappear. It's going to pull a rabbit out of a mud puddle, float it in the air that's now beneath your feet, and shout, "It's all an illusion. Abracadabra! Enjoy this next bit of nonsense."
WTF? There's no GROUND! That's what I'm thinking these days. That and, Where did this rabbit come from? How will I know where I stand if there’s no ground to stand on? And how will I know where to go next?
Well, let's start with this: I'm somewhere. That's for certain. No one's disputing that. It's just that I'm not quite sure where I'll be tomorrow, or one year from now, or ten. Frightening, I know. I might have to give up the notion of trying to build permanent structures on ground that does not exist. This means giving up the notion that I can know, with any absolute certainty, what is going on and what that means in terms of where I am going or what is going to happen to me once I get there.
I don't think this means going to bed and never getting up or making choices to do things toward our future (as much as some days I might like to do exactly that). Maybe it just means getting up, and then making choices with the understanding that this moment is the only thing that isn't a projection. (And even that cannot be said with any certainty.) I can talk about a future, but what does that mean? Can I give up knowing and still be open (i.e., vulnerable) in the present? Can I take action and then release my expectations regarding the outcome?
We are addicted to knowing. This always wanting to see the path laid out, with signs pointing in neon – TURN LEFT AHEAD. YOUR ANNIE-DILLARD-INSPIRED CABIN IN THE WOODS AND MILLION-DOLLAR BOOK DEAL, THIS WAY.
But in our eternal search for knowing, what ends up happening is just a lot of speculation, a lot of projection. In short, a whole lot of storytelling. All day long, we spin tales about what this or that could mean, and where this or that might take us if it means what we think it means—and in the end, what do we have? (Aside from an ulcer or a sudden desire for strong liquor?) We're still in the same place we were before—namely, in the place of not knowing until we know. In the place of groundlessness, where we are uncertain about where our life is headed, or where are choices are leading us, right up until we get there (and THERE is never FINAL until the end of the story).
What, then, is the point in all this questioning, all of this supposition?
I ask myself this on the worst of my chickenshit days, when I want to know so desperately what’s going to happen that I consider forcing an end to any of the various chapters in my life just so I can say I know the end. It's the worst kind of cheat. We want to control everything, probably because we can't really control anything.
So relax. That's what I tell myself. Take a deep breath. I'm not saying it's going to turn out okay. It might not. But in a strange way, this thought can relieve us of a lot of pressure. The path? Broken in some spots. Golden in others. Suspended in the air or completely invisible, as in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, requiring a step of faith out into nothing. We're searching for our own personal Holy Grail, and can we honestly expect the path to be straight and trouble-free? What hero’s journey worth its salt would be an easy one?
So, deep breath.
Look down. If you don’t see anything beneath you, don't panic.
Falling is okay, too.
- - -
*This also works in the reverse:
One day, jobless. The next, full-time with benefits.
One day, lonely neurotic/slob. The next, super hot man/woman falls head over heels in love with you.
One day, creative hack. The next, successful artist.
Isn't it awesome, when the ground disappears and you plummet, screaming all the way, into something...beautiful?
-Stephanee Killenauthor of Buddha Breaking Up:
A Guide to Healing from Heartache &
Liberating Your Awesomeness
available now on Amazon.com
