Kelli Russell Agodon's Blog, page 80

Confession Tuesday -

It's been one week, one May Day, one birth-certificate reveal and one well-known terrorist's death since my last confession. My thoughts are all over the place, there is still a buzz, but I'm here and ready to confess.





I confess it takes me a while to digest "big news" when it happens.  I am not someone who understands my thoughts when I am having them, but only some time later.



Because of this, this is why I make all of my biggest decisions instinctually, through how I *feel* and not what I think or believe I know.   I try to take my head out of it completely.



But I can tell you this--



I confess I wish our news media (as well as all the people of our country & the world) lived more in the now and didn't speculate.



I like it when something takes place and we don't sit around to discuss what this means for the future.  I can tell you right now, we have no idea about the future.  We can guess, use our best judgments, look at history, but we are speculating and creating scenarios not based on fact.



(FEAR = Future Events Appearing Real)



I confess I make sure that when I read the news, I'm aware of what is "fact" and what is "speculation."  I'm amazed how much of our news coverage is based on speculating.  We are creatures who want to know the end of the story (I know I can be this way), but the news media is also based on ratings.  If we are not living in fear, then we aren't tuning in.



~



I confess if you want to have a fun car ride home, try explaining to a 10 year old why the death of OBL was a big deal (note sarcastic tone in the word fun in this confession).



Question:  So we're in a war because the Twin Towers were knocked down.

A: We're in 2 wars - Afghanistan & Iraq (not including messing around with Libya)



Q: So the wars are over now?

A: Well, not yet, but hopefully.



Q:  Why did they keep repeating "OBL is dead and we have his body"?

A: This is what the news does when they don't have the full story, they repeat the couple facts they have.  Their goal is to not let you turn off your television.



Statement:  I wish they wouldn't have postponed Amazing Race.

Response:  Me too.



Now toss in husband's answers of 343 firefighters died on 9/11 & talk about how their families might be feeling and well, let's just say, I was quite happy to get out of the car.



~



I confess that one of my favorite parts about the news on Sunday night was that Obama's speech and the NBC special news bulletin interrupted Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice.



I confess The Donald is getting The Kelli's nerves. If a person can jump the shark, he has. Or maybe he's jumped The Sheen. I'm not sure, but apparently when you see crazy coming, you're not supposed to cross the street but run at him with a microphone.



~



I confess I'm fascinated how fakes can appear in our world and how we create new quotes, new ways to articulate what we are feeling in our language.



This was a quote going around Facebook & Twitter yesterday:





"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that"

~ Martin Luther King, Jr









But the quote is not from Martin Luther King, Jr. but has been traced back to Penn Jillette.  I've linked the article here (I first saw it was an incorrect quote in the Atlantic Monthly).





Here's what fascinates me--  People couldn't determine what they were feeling yesterday, but it wasn't jubilation.  Many people did not want to stand in the streets and shout "USA!  USA!" but they couldn't articulate it.  Then the quote appeared attributed to MLK Jr & it began to be cut & pasted again and again.





And a new quote was born.  Bizarre.  But also kind of cool.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Maybe I should invite a quote to show tell you--





Sometimes the words of others work better than our own, even when they are not their words either.

                   -- From the Inaccurate Plagiarist's Handbook







~





I confess I was looking for an eyeglass cleaner this morning and opened up the third drawer in our bathroom and found a giant cutout print of Emily Dickinson's head staring back at me.  Welcome to a poet's house.





Now back to our regularly scheduled writing lives already in progress.



Amen.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Deborah Ager @32Poems is looking for Recipes & Poets. --->

I'm participating in a Poets & Recipes event organized by Deborah Ager of 32 Poems.



Now, I really don't like to cook, but when I do, it must be something good and something fast.  There's one meal I make that everyone loves, it's easy, it's healthy and it's Northwest.



I'll be sharing that on the 20th of May...





Here are the details from Deb Ager





Time management is one of the most important (yet seldom discussed) aspects of being a poet or any kind of artist. Are your eyes glazing over because I wrote "time management"? Stick with with me a for a moment, please.



Since most poets have other work that takes their attention away from art, it's important to have time management skills. One of the many ways I save time is by cooking healthy meals that do not take long to prepare.



For that reason, I  invite you to join me   (Deborah Ager) in posting your favorite 20-minute (or so) recipe on May 20, 2011. Post your recipe to your blog or website. I will share all of the links in a big post here on the 32 Poems blog. To participate, please do the following by May 15, 2011 (thanks to Kelli Agodon for inspiration on the guidelines):

Recipes for Poets GuidelinesCreate a blog post that lets people know you will participate. If you can, refer them to this post.
Leave me a comment on this post that includes your blog URL and name if you would like to participate.
On May 20th, post a recipe that takes 20-30 min (or less) to prepare on your blog or website.
It's easiest if you place the recipe into the blog post you wrote above, so I'd already have the link for it. If you don't want to do that, you can just send me the new link.
I will include a master list of all of the participating blogs right here on the 32 Poems blog.
Can I count on you? Are you in?



http://www.32poems.com/blog/2447/recipes-for-poetsKelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

"This is Just to Say" Poem Generator...

I saw this on Peter Pereira's blog, a William Carlos Williams poem generator for this poem "This is just to say" (you know the one where he eats the plums but apologies but not really)...well, that was my take on it..



The first is the real poem to refresh your memory, the second is from the generator (um, I'm sure you can tell the difference without my assistance here)--





This Is Just to SayI have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox



and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast



Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold



_William Carlos Williams

~



This Is Just To SayI have overthought

the cantelopes

that were on

the robot



and which

you were probably

reading

for snacktime



Forgive me

they were chilly

so ordinary

and so useless

- poem generatorKelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Winners for Letters from the Emily Dickinson Room & No Sweeter Fat!

First, thank you all for being part of the Big Poetry Giveaway.  I'm glad to host it and it's always a treat to learn about new poets and bloggers in the community. And so many people participated in giving away books and also, entering the contest.  Love it!



I went to the random number generator to choose the winners this morning and here's what lucky numbers came up.



For my book:



  Letters From the Emily Dickinson Room (White Pine Press Poetry Prize)





Winner:  Lorna Dee Cervantes - who will get a copy of my book sent to her home.  Congrats!



~



And for Nancy Pagh's book:

No Sweeter Fat



Winner:   Maureen Doallas!   I will send a copy of Nancy's book to her (and she will love it!)



And since this event is also to share poets & poetry with each other, I realized that both of my winners were published poets, so I wanted to take a moment to also highlight them...



One of Lorna Dee Cervantes's many books is Drive: The First Quartet: New Poems, 1980-2005



and Maureen Doallas is the author of Neruda's Memoirs: Poems

(can I tell you how much I love that title?)





So congratulations to both winners, both poets, both readers!Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

The End of National Poetry Month-- Dear N.P.M. Can We Exist Without You?

So dear Poets, yesterday was the last day of our month.  The month of the forgotten art, of "what is poetry" and poem in your pocket and NPR interviews and stories to fill us for another year.



What do poets do in May?  Disappear into the daffodils, wander lonely like clouds?



How will we exist without our month?  Oh wait, just as we always have.



It's sort of like when someone asked me how Crab Creek Review (the non-profit, independent literary journal I co-edit) deals with a recession and a bad economy.  My answer?  We're always in a recession as a non-profit literary journal.  It doesn't matter what the world is doing we are still shoestringing our way through each year.



And that's okay.



And it's okay for poets too.



Our lives are in our words, in our writing and creating.  Yes, readers are definitely a plus. Being able to share our work with others, but I would still write even if I knew no one was going to read my work.  I write not knowing if the next book will be published or even if there will be a new book.



I write in uncertain times.



So when this month of NaPoWriMo is over (and I wrote WAY over 30 poems-- though I use the term "poems" loosely here as these are not ready-for-the-world poems, but some good starts), I will continue to write and read books.



I will continue to follow my favorite poets and try to find others, new poets to fall in love with.  Because it's what I do.



No matter what month, it's poetry month in my own sweet world.



And I guess that is how it should always be.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Poetry Potluck! I'm on the Menu today--

I'm on Jama Rattigan's Alphabet Soup blog today for her Poetry Potluck Series.



And I share a bit of a secret about what inspired one of my poems and yes, it does include a bit about Rachael Ray from the Food Channel!



Jama does an incredible job in sharing info in her Poetry Series.  And on my post, she even included the table setting for Emily Dickinson from Judy Chicago's art installation "The Dinner Party" from 1978, I believe.



You can see me as the main dish today and I mean that in a sincere, humble and metaphorical way.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

One More Day to Enter to Win Poetry Books for National Poetry Month!

The Big Poetry Giveaway is coming to a close.



You can enter to win my most recent book (Letters From the Emily Dickinson Room) or Nancy Pagh's book (No Sweeter Fat) by going HERE



You have until Saturday night, April 30th by midnight in whatever timezone you are in.



~



And for the full list (all also ending April 30th) - click on the blog title below to enter into all these bloggers contests--





BIG POETRY GIVEAWAY! -- List of Blogs Participating...A. Book of Kells: Kelli Russell Agodon
B. Jessie Carty Blog: Jessie Carty
C. November Sky Poetry: Christine Klocek-Lim
D. Being Poetry: Erin Hollowell
E. WordGathering: Margo Roby
F. Danka's World: Danica Grunert
G. Utopian Fragments: Guy Traiber
H. Ribbons of Intonation: Jim K.
I. Wait! I Have a Blog?!: Kathleen Kirk
J. Latoyalikestowrite: LaToya Jordan
K. Modern Confessional: Collin Kelley
L. One Poet's Notes: Edward Byrne
M. Tribe of Mad Orphans: Ren Powell
N. Ophelia Unraveling: Carol Berg
O. The Scrapper Poet: Karen J. Weyant
P. The Alchemist's Kitchen: Susan Rich
Q. Matthew Thornburn Blog: Matthew Thornburn
R. Naming Constellations: Joseph Harker
S. Drowning the Field: Katie Cappello
T. Who are "They" & Other Writing Advice: Laura Moe
U. Red Lion Square: Amy Watkins
V. Poet 2.0: Iris Jamahl Dunkle
W. Art Happens 365: Margaret Bednar
X. Alphabet Soup: Jama Rattigan
Y. The Lizard Meanders: Luisa Igloria
Z. Fredericks' Reflections: O.P.W. Fredericks
Za. One Man's Trash: Justin Evans
Zb. Joe's Jacket: Stephen Mills
Zc. Myself the only Kangaroo Among the Beauty: Sandy Longhorn
Zd. Risa's Pieces: Risa Denenberg
Ze. Ghosts in Parentheses: Barry Napier
Zf. Notes fro the Gefilter Review: Jehanne Dubrow
Zg. A View from the Potholes: Marie Gauthier
Zh. Habit of Poetry: Rita Mae Reese
Zi. Desire Seven Small Delicious Fruit: Cati Porter
Zj. The Graphic Haibuneer: Cindy Bell
Zk. Dear Outer Space: Laura E. Davis
Zl. Lorna Dee Cervantes Blog: Lorna Dee Cervantes
Zm. Jeannine Blogs: Jeannine Hall Gailey
Zn. Kristin Berkey-Abbott Blog: Kristin Berkey-Abbott
Zo. Writing With Celia: Celia Lisset Alvarez
Zp. Weaving a New Eden: Sherry Chandler
Zq. Rachel Dacus: Rocket Kids
Zr. Poemeleon: Cati Porter
Zs. Brian Spears Blog: Brian Spears
Zt. On Writing: Tawnysha Greene
Zu. 32 Poems: Deborah Ager
Zv. Put Words Together. Make Meaning.: DJ Vorreyer
Zw. Shiva's Arms: Cheryl Snell
Zx. Proof of Blog: Luke Johnson
Zy. The Monster's Flashlight: Nancy Lili
Zz. Frontal Junkyard: Marie-Elizabeth Mali
Zza. Feather's From the Muse's Wings: Odilia Galván Rodríguez
Zzb. Pokey Mama: Amy Dryansky
Zzc. One Hundred Forks: Tess Duncan
Zzd. Universe of Sound: Mary Virginia Cooley
Zze. The Perpetual Bird: Joseph Hutchinson
Zzf. Battered Hive: Shawnte Orion
Zzg. Natural Parents Network: Lauren Wayne
Zzh. Elizabeth Austen Blog: Elizabeth Austen
Zzi. Life is a Patchwork Quilt: Valerie
Zzj. Selvage: Linda Dove
Zzk. Hobo Mama: Lauren Wayne
Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Thankful Thursday - Women Artists

"I Will Be With You" by Mayumi Oda
Last night I watched Who Does She Think She Is? and if you are a mother artist or mother writer, you must see this documentary.



I am so moved by this movie and the artists to build their lives around their art and family.    I learned that part of it will be placed on PBS in May and here's a link to their blog with the dates and channels.



So today I'm thankful for women who are creating.  Who are trying to balance their art and their family.  Who are trying to balance their art and their job.  Who are trying balance.



Some artists I know, like or think you might enjoy---



*Please feel free to leave the name(s) of your favorite women artists in the comment section.  I'd love to have a large list of inspiring women here to refer to...



Here's my short & incomplete list--





Nancy Canyon



Kelly Thiel



Catrin Welz-Stein (she did the cover for my book)





Other women artist links--



Who Does She Think She Is? on Facebook



Who Does She Think She Is?  the Theatrical Trailer



Women of Women Made: A Gallery Showing, April 30 (Chicago)





Thank you to all the creative women in the world.  Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

When the Real World Tries to Take My Candy...

So I'm back in the real world, and I'll be honest, I tend not to return to real life well.



Imagine taking a three-year-old out of a candy shop where she had just been allowed to try every piece of candy she wanted, play with the cash register, take a nap on the Charleston Chews, and basically control every moment of her day without any responsibility.  Imagine her kicking and screaming as you dragged her back into the car and whisked her back into her regular life of bedtimes, schedules, people caring what she eats, no candy except on special occasions.



This is basically me after a writing retreat.

I am the crying child who wants her candy shop back.



Of course, when a woman makes a statement like this it must be followed up with one of these-- This is not say I don't love my life, my family, my friends, my home, my pets, and so on.



But it is to say, writing residencies offer me something I do not have in my real life-- freedom.



Okay, I have freedom, but I don't have *freedom* - where there is no need for clocks, for chores, for checking in with anyone, for showing up anywhere else except to my writing, for not having to feed anyone but myself, and so on.



Yes, it was the candy shop.  It was magical and synchronistic and inspiring.



But it's not real life. (Note:  Currently, I am trying to figure out how to live a retreat lifestyle in my regular life, but honestly, it's difficult.)



And I come back from retreats like a rocket entering the atmosphere, sparks and fire, friends.  (I'm working on a long memoirish work about this exact thing, which happened to me a year ago when I went on a week retreat in December.)



A friend said to me she completely connected with Tina Fey in the movie Date Night when Tina said her fantasy was alone time in an air-conditioned hotel room with diet Sprite.  (Her husband is having erotic fantasies that involve Cyndi Lauper, but this is what the woman wants.)



And I love real life.  But I also love alone time.  And writing time.



I think a lot of us yearn for alone time or writing time, but it's hard to say because we're mothers, or we're married, or we're working or we're somebody's daughter, sister, caregiver, lover, pet owner, fish feeder, gardener, home owner.



Tonight I'm going to watch Who Does She Think She Is? and reconnect by DVD with some other mother artists who are balancing or trying to balance their life.



If you are a writer and have never gone on a writing residency, I recommend it.

Begin with just a couple days.  Or start with a week.



Realize there is no wrong way to do it.



It's Wednesday night and the candyshop in my memory is fading. I'm no longer watching clouds pass and have dishes to do, guinea pigs to feed, a house and family to tend.



I know if I had writing residencies all the time, they'd probably lose their magic.  Like how too much sugar isn't really good for the three year old inside us.  And of course, if I had no one or nothing to leave, I'd feel sad then too.  Oh life and it's everything-in-its-time mentality.



So this part of life too, we take time for ourselves and our art and we return.  Still, I want to find that retreat mind in my life more often...how to do that, how to do that...



And now I have my next retreat to look forward to, in September... on the Oregon Coast.

September 9-11 at the Sylvia Beach Hotel. And I can't wait. It's Poets on the Coast: A Writing Retreat for Women



I love getting away with other women writers.  Susan Rich will be joining me and we plan on making it a special weekend for the women writers who join us.  If you're interested, we have a couple more places left, which you can learn more about it here.



But until then, I will continue to find my own writing retreat in smaller ways in my life.  A three-hour retreat.  A writing day with friends.  A day at the museum to fill up with art. Writing residencies remind me to live more mindfully in my life.  And I'm trying (when I'm not kicking and screaming), I'm trying.  Sparks and everything.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com

Confession Tuesday - The Monkey House Edition

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Dear Reader,

It's been 7 new poems and many revisions since the last time I wrote.  I confess I've been obsessed.  Obsessed with my work and my manuscript.  I confess it's harder to be obsessed with poetry when there is celebrity news and commercials for Snuggies.  Those things take me to a different level, make me forget what's important while transitioning back into "real life" - in quotes because there's no such thing.  

So let's get going.  To the confessional--



I confess I said this to my roommates so many times during the writing residency, "I am so excited about what I'm writing, but I'm afraid I'm in the monkey house."

If you watched Project Runway a few seasons ago, you'll know I'm referring to my favorite Tim Gunn quote of all time.   I've mentioned the Monkey House before, here, when dealing with titling my manuscript.

But if you don't know the Monkey House story, here it is--

Basically, Tim Gunn goes to visit Chris (one of my favorite designers on that season, btw) and sees that Chris has decided to adorn his clothes with human hair.

Here is Tim Gunn's response:

Tim Gunn (politely gagging): 

I have this refrain about the monkey house at the zoo. When you first enter into the monkey house, you think, 'Oh my god this place stinks!' 

And then after you're there for 20 minutes you think, 'it's not so bad' and after you're there for an hour it doesn't smell at all. And anyone entering the monkey house freshly thinks, 'this stinks!' 

You've been living in the monkey house.

~

(Can I just confess right now that I *love* Tim Gunn?  I do.)





Anyway, back to the Monkey House.  

So what happens to me is that when I'm writing and obsessing, I get into this place--and don't get me wrong, it's a good productive place that is ridiculously happy, euphoric even--where I'm so highly focused on my manuscript I lose myself.  It's almost as if I've become part of the manuscript, there's no other way to explain this--everything is making sense, I'm seeing the bigger picture, I'm in extreme research mode, I'm reading and filling my brain with content, with themes, with what I need to write these poems. 



There is no NPR news, no internet (except my iPad for research when I need it), no phone (literally), my cellphone is turned off, there is no TV, no radio, nothing except other writers who are working on their work, poetry, and books.

And I begin to write what I think are the best poems in the world (and they might be)…or I might be in the Monkey House.



I confess I will not know if I was in the Monkey House until some time has passed.

It's sort of like looking at a photograph of yourself a few years later, when you look back and say, "What the heck was I doing with that hairstyle?"  or "Oh my gawd, I was so thin and beautiful." 

Sometimes we can't see what's in front of us because our perception is skewed.  This happens a lot with young women and their bodies.  They are fed all sort of garbagey, airbrushed images from the culture around them that they don't see their own beauty.

And it happens with poems.  

A friend of mine will write a start to a poem and not like it.  I'll say that I like it and hold onto it, maybe something will come from it.  And many times, it does.

I write a poem and think, "Fantastic!"  (How I love my newest babies best.)  Then a week will pass and I'll say, "Holy doggerel, Batman, what was I thinking?  This needs so much work."

I confess there is no one way to be a poet or artist in the world, but for me, I find I most love this life when I am obsessed with my work, finding a good balance between writing and family, and keeping my circle of friends tight.  Airtight.  Meaning—only staying close to my favorite friends and the GE people (good energy people).

I confess I recently had a friend tell me she'd be devastated if a certain neighbor didn't like her (she lives in a Wisteria Lane type neighborhood filled with kids and families and everyone in everyone else's business).  I told her that if she is living authentically and following her own values, not everyone should like her.  

Basically if everyone likes you, you're not being yourself.

I confess this is all part of the "retreat mind" I try to stay in after I return from a writing residency.  To remember to be who I am.  

It's hard coming back because there is a large part of me that wants to still be in Apt. D writing.  I don't want to know what I missed. I don't want to know who is sleeping with whom.  I don't want to know the details of who wronged who, who is no longer friends, who who who.  My small town is village of owls, sometimes. 

I'm in the Monkey House and my village is owls.  Really, I'm saying, Life is a zoo.

But I confess what I really want to know is – what are you working on?  What has inspired you lately?  What are you struggling with or the challenges in your art?   

Life is funny, the way it pulls us in and out of art, of our writing.  Sometimes things that aren't important take the place of what's important to us.    It's life, it happens.

Though I confess, there's a game I play with myself —how can I not be part of the trivial?  How can I disappear?  How can I exist in a way where I'm still part of the community but not?  How can I make sure that my moments are filled with the people and projects I love? 

A game with no ending, I guess. 

Or maybe, it's making sure I've chosen not to participate in the things that take my time or bring me down.  Not to partake in too much Facebook.  Not to read the entertainment section of HuffPost.  Not to allow myself to be sucked into what doesn't matter.  It's like that quote from War Games: A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

How about a nice game of chess?

~

Or a nice dose of the arts?

Amen.Kelli Russell Agodon
www.agodon.com