Kelli Russell Agodon's Blog, page 101

The Poets

Oh and what do you write? ~ A Poet's Guide to Protection.

(for new inspiration, visit artist Keri Smith)



I've been having a long extended moment where my creative life has been intersecting with my real life and to be honest, it can make me a little uncomfortable.



I'll be very honest here, my life is very compartmentalized.  With parents at my daughter's school and well, most people I don't know well, I do not introduce myself as "The Poet" (capital P) and in fact do not mention what I do for a life (not a living).  If it comes up, I'll talk about it, but I do not carry a copy of my book in my purse to share or where a pin that says, "Author."



I am very protective of my writing life.  I do not share it with everyone and it's something I really don't bring up until I know you well enough to feel that I can trust you with this info.  That sounds so strange to write, but it's true.  I need to see if you too hold the artist's  heart and if you do we can talk, deeply.  Or I need to find out if you're someone who just doesn't get it because if you don't, we can talk about color of sky, the bear roaming our neighborhood, the ferry traffic.



So lately, with this new book, my regular life and my creative life have been holding hands and skipping out of my yard into the world at large.  People see my name in the newspaper for reading.  People hear other people ask about my book.  My so-called secret life expands and explanations are asked-- what kind of book is it?



A book of poems.



For people who don't write poetry, sometimes saying this makes my stomach ache. It's the stereotypical image of a poet with bongo drums, the emotional artist in his apartment drawing angry charcoal pictures and writing poems about his pain, or the sensitive type roaming a field of flowers, flaky and/or high.



I am none of these.  I balance my checkbook.  I subscribe to Real Simple magazine, O, Victoria (seriously, I do) and Art News.  I am a mountain biker and a hiker.  I love to kayak.  I have an IRA.  I shop at consignment shops.  I read a lot, especially non-fiction.  I watch Desperate Housewives and discuss it with my mother.  I vote.  My church is an art museum.  I wear cowboy boots.  I plant a vegetable garden every year with a huge patch of lettuce for our guinea pigs.  I thought Tip O'Neil was one of the coolest people.  I also like Maya Lin, Frida Kahlo, and Elvis Costello.  I run up to the stage during concerts.  And I birdwatch.



I think because so many people aren't connected to what poetry is or isn't, when I tell them, I don't know where to begin.  I say, "It's a book of poems," but want to add, "But I'm not flaky."



Bob Hicok once said that telling someone you're a poet is like telling someone you have eczema, it just makes everyone uncomfortable.



A well-known poet who was also a genius grant winner told me that she tells people she's "a writer," skipping over the term "poet" unless pressed directly.



But as my regular life continues to hang out with my creative life, I'm getting more and more comfortable with being the poet-mom, poet-coffee drinker, poet-mt. biker.  And it's good for me to experience that. I'm learning more about others.  I learned recently that a friend's grandmother used to read him poetry as a boy.  And that another person studied art in college and still paints, though he doesn't share his work.



All of us creative people hiding what we love because we feel the pressure of the culture to be like everyone else.  I always think back to that Gap commercial-- "Everyone in khakis."  Can we exist together with our differences?  Can one of us wear khakis and another wear jeans with rips and studs?  A skirt?  Gauchos?  Must we all be in khakis all the time?



I'm realizing more and more there are a lot of us creative types moving through the world with our own creative desire safe in the back room of lives.  I've been getting better of sharing my writing life with others, but I'm still careful.  My poet's heart breaks easily sometimes, so I guard it, keep it safe, wait until I think the coast is clear before I let it run down a beach, all of us barefoot and without our khakis.

Where to Get POET Beer?

For those who asked,

Poet Beer is by New Holland Brewing Co. out of Michigan.  Here's a link.



RE:  THE POET Beer





The Poet has a rich, smooth malt character enveloped in tones of roast and chocolate. A soft mouth-feel brings luxurious flavors and soothing aroma. Any time of year, The Poet is as versatile as it is delicious. It pairs wonderfully with earthy flavors such as mushrooms and beef, while remaining the perfect accent to any chocolate dessert.

15° Plato, Alc. 5.2% by Vol.
Growler • Half Barrel • Pub Draught • Sixth Barrel • 12 oz

Thankful Thursday

Kelli & Jeannine (getting ready for prom)

Gratitude Journal--

1.  I am very thankful that Jeannine Hall Gailey has returned to town!  I am so glad to have her back in the Northwest.  She and her husband have promised not to move to ridiculous places anymore. 

Here we are (above photo) getting ready in her bathroom before my reading last night (but it looks like the classic prom photo-- though I keep typing promo photo...that too).  I have borrowed her velcro roller and must get my own set.

2.  An excellent reading last night with an audience who truly cares about poetry and deeply listened to the poems. 

3.  Velcro rollers...who knew?!

4.  Books.  Currently reading:  Words for Empty and Words for Full (Pitt Poetry Series) by Bob Hicok, The New Good Life: Living Better Than Ever in an Age of Less by John Robbins.

5.  A new morning routine which involves reading something creative (currently, my favorite book: The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life by Twyla Tharp)

6.  Taking a break from Facebook and the excess of time that slides into my pocket.  And it so wonderful not to have to think of what I'm doing in third person (i.e. Kelli is writing a poem.  Kelli is thinking about writing a poem.  Kelli is squandering away precious hours of her life on Facebook...)

7.  For the comments you have left on my blog.  Thank you.  I will try to respond to some of them shortly.

confession Tuesday

Dear Reader,



It's 2 days after Halloween and I am missing Halloween.



It is truly one of my very favorite holidays.  I can't even describe it, but there is a certain feeling in the air on Halloween.  I feel this same way on Easter morning.  All Sundays have a certain feel, but Easter feels cleaner. Halloween feels as if my neighborhood and community just became a little smaller.  It also feels as if there are witches crossing over the moon above me, ghosts in the blackberry vines.



And I love free candy.  And trick-or-treating.  And spooky decorations.  I love vintage decorations though.



But now we're moving into November where we will hear over the next 8 weeks -- time is flying by and my favorite, "I can't believe it's almost Christmas."  Holy overwhelming holidays, Batman, life is going by...



But it's Tuesday and while I've already kind of confessed that 1) I am getting old and life goes by faster and 2) I love Halloween, there is even more.



To the confessional--





I confess I'm still having sleep issues.  Hello 2 am!  What shall we do tonight?



I confess the sun has left the building, so I've started taking Vitamin D again because where I live, my favorite star is on hiatus for the next 7 or 8 months and I will wear a coat of grey clouds.



I confess that this is where anxiety lives-- in the edges of sky and trees empty of leaves.  This year, slightly less, but still the fall is my favorite time of year, but it is also the time I feel more like disappearing from the world and need numerous reminders that all paths are good.  (Hello self-doubt, what are you doing up at 2 am?)



I confess I am not ready for November to be here with it's pointy letters, I like the softer shapes of October.  November is a fork in a turkey.  October is the perfect full moon.



I confess I feel as if I'm catching up on things and also falling behind.  I did submit 3 poems yesterday to a journal and that felt good.  1 submission in 47 days.  And I have felt very inspired to write.  And have been writing (just not submitting- something I hate to do.)



And I watched this documentary-- Inspirations that had interviews with David Bowie, Dale Chihuly, Roy Lichtenstein & others about creativity.  I confess I did not need to see Dale Chihuly naked in a bathtub, but I love listening to the creative process of other artists.  I connected with all except the dance choreographer.  I'm not sure why except that all the other artists actually created a tangible item (even David Bowie) and for dance, you have to be there for the moment of creation because then it's gone.  



I don't recommend purchasing this movie (it's pricey and I'm not sure how often you'd watch it), but getting it from Netflix.   But I do recommend watching it if you're interested in how different types of artists get their ideas, create, etc.



We can all learn from each other that way.



And it's especially good on these grey days when it feels good to stay inside.



Amen.

Dear Poets, If you need a challenge for November...

Robert Brewer offers a great Poem-a-Day chapbook challenge for November.



Go here to check it out and participate.

Oliver de la Paz, Susan Rich, Allen Braden and I are read...

Oliver de la Paz, Susan Rich, Allen Braden and I are reading at the Frye Art Museum on Sunday, November 7th at 2 pm if you'd like to join us!

Here's the cool poster Susan made up.  I love the random shots of us--

Martha Silano Interviews Me on Her Blog...

To celebrate All Saints' Day (or not), Martha Silano has a detailed interview with me on her blog, Blue Positive today.

We talk about my dad's sense of humor and his amputated leg, writing to "get through" things, what came first- the research or the poem, and poking a word with a stick.



Here's a snapshot of the interview --





Martha:  Do you write poetry to lessen your anxiety in a chaotic and unpredictable world, or does writing poetry nourish some other part of you?

Kelli:  I think I write poetry to understand things and yes, to get through them. I may always be writing poems about the death of my father as I'm not sure that is a loss I will ever truly get over.

I do find that when I have a feeling that is uncomfortable--anxiety, fear, sadness, etc--I can either let that feeling take me over, which honestly, makes me pretty useless, or I can take the energy of that feeling and use it for something. Most times, I try to use it.

~

You can read the whole interview by going to Marty's blog.

Happy Halloween! Cheers with Poet Beer!

So I love Halloween.

I love ghosts and anything spooky.



I don't love beer, but I love this bottle-- full moon, raven.  Poet.



My mind is not very literary minded today.  I'm lazy and thinking about when I need to take my shower to be ready for trick-or-treating.



Months before Halloween, I have a reoccurring dream that I've forgotten to decorate, I've forgotten to find a costume for my daughter, that I missed Halloween.



I cannot tell you how many times I've had this dream.



But I'm open to interpretations.



So let me end here wishing you a safe and happy Halloween night.



Make some hot apple cider, read some scary stories and enjoy.

What We Risk When We Write--

Justin Evans wrote the nicest review on his blog about my book and I wanted to share it here:



Letters From the Emily Dickinson Room by Kelli Russell Agodon is by far one of the most elegant books of poetry I have ever read. I know I have used that particular adjective before, but I really don't think I can over use it in this case. When my students have asked me in recent weeks what I am reading and why I love poetry so much, I tell them about Kelli's book. What's more astounding is that each poem feels completely spontaneous and natural. As you might expect, a lot of the poems in this collection are letters, but they are letters of all types, and not just the type of letter one might think a poets writes. In a strange way, I have begun to look at this book the way I would if I was carrying on an all day conversation with a friend as we went about our day together doing nothing urgent or mandatory---the kind of day you want to re-live again and again.



(Justin also reviews 2 other books, check out his blog here.)

~  ~  ~



I cannot tell you how happy, calm, thankful it makes me feel to read something like that.



I remember about a week before October 1st, the date my book was to hit the shelves, I could hardly sleep.  There was this anxiety I felt of knowing my words and poems, what I created was going out to a larger world and that deep fear of "would anyone get what I was trying to do?"



As artists and writers, this is what we always risk.  We have to risk it.



We have to risk that what we create is going to be rejected or misunderstood.  We have to risk that our work will stumble and fall, sometimes climbing the mountain, sometimes rolling down the side.



But we have to risk.  We have to put our emotions onto a raft and set them out.



Some of you may be better at this than me.  Sometimes my emotions are like the paper ghosts flying all around me Haunted House style.  They are peering out the attic window, hiding in the closet, hovering over the bed.  But they are mine.  My ghosts and when they are at their best, they help me create.



At their worst they scare the bejesus out of me.



I try not to let they control me and stay on path.  I have to risk to move forward; it's in the game rules.  And when it works, someone writes an incredible response to my work that keeps me happy for an entire season.  I know that even if someone else doesn't like my work, my book, my poems, I can look back and said, "But I connected with someone here."  And that means everything, ghosts and all...