Bryce Moore's Blog, page 88
June 1, 2020
“Unsolvable” Problems
I think one of the most frustrating issues I have right now with my country is the seeming insistence that some problems just can’t be solved. In a nation that prides itself on its work ethic and its get-to-it-ive-ness, it’s disappointing that there are some areas where so many have just decided to shrug their shoulders and say, “If only we could solve this problem, but we can’t.”
The reasons they give for why the problem can’t be solved vary. Sometimes they fall back on “This is just part of the price of being free.” Sometimes it’s to blame the victims for not following the rules. Sometimes it’s to throw out a “But what about” statement that deflects the argument. Sometimes it’s “The economy needs this.” Sometimes they say the status quo is the lesser of two evils.
But all of those things are excuses. They’re reasons, but they don’t justify the continued acceptance of the problems. What problems? Pick your poison. Broken healthcare. Income inequality. Racism. Sexism. Mass shootings. I love America, but we have some huge, thorny problems. COVID-19 has amplified many of those problems. It set the stage for things to boil over into what we have going on today. It didn’t cause the riots or the police brutality, but it frayed tempers to the point where many just aren’t willing to sit back and stay silent anymore.
I’ve said before on the blog how much shorter my temper is these days. How little things can set me off in a way that I would never be set off under normal circumstances. Someone can make a reasonable request, and I just bristle. If that’s happening to me here in rural Maine, where the sun is shining and I have tons of room to move around in, it’s not hard to imagine how it might be affecting people elsewhere.
I am shocked and appalled at some of the videos coming out depicting our police force and their actions. While I recognize that often videos only capture part of the story, they are part of the story nonetheless. There have been times in my life when, had my actions been filmed and played back on Twitter, I would have a hard time justifying what I was doing or saying. But I did do and say those things. I recognize the videos don’t represent 100% of what’s happening, both on the side of the protesters and the police. I also recognize that there are some on both sides who would have you believe otherwise.
There will be some who want to change the subject. To talk about how rioting is bad, and how terrible it is that so much property is being destroyed. There will be others who might try to bring up social distancing and how irresponsible these protests are. There will be others who speak up to defend the police and get angry that people are maligning them. All of these points deflect from the central thrust of the protests and their root.
Racism is alive and well in our country. We’re led by a racist, and many good people support him in spite of his blatant racism. Is he wearing an armband or a white hood? No, but he’s reluctant to criticize those who do. If anyone wants to honestly tell me Trump isn’t racist, save your breath. You’re either using a wildly different definition of “racist,” or you’re drinking the Kool Aid. Yet people support him in spite of that, and when they do, they are saying “The things he does or supports outweighs the racism, sexism, crude behavior, etc.”
[Deep breath. I’m trying not to have this tail spin into another “Trump is terrible” post.]
There are people right now demonstrating across the globe about this. People in New Zealand. England. Germany. Denmark. Italy. While Trump is telling governors not to be “weak” and use more aggression to stop the riots, the rest of the world is recognizing just how unjust the situation is in America. (Seriously. He claimed the world was laughing at us because a police station in Minneapolis was burned. Don’t get me started.)
But setting aside all of that (the riots, the response, the murder, and more), the question I’m left with is “Where do we go from here?” And that’s where I get most discouraged. Because I’ve felt the same sense of futility around other issues I feel passionate about, from gun violence to our response to the pandemic. I can vote for people who line up with me on these issues, but it’s not enough for me to do that. Somehow we have to get more people involved. We have to overcome this historic malaise that seems to grip many of the country when it comes to actually voting.
These problems all have solutions. We can overcome them, but we can’t do it as long as we have an increasingly small part of the populace drowning out any effort to do so. Marching in a protest sends a message today, but unless that march is followed up with a line leading to the voting booth, I don’t see what it actually gets done.
I don’t know. I don’t have anything else in the tank for today. I’m deeply concerned and depressed by the state of current events, and I’m looking for a solution. I just wish we didn’t have to wait for November for that solution to have a chance of appearing.
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
May 29, 2020
Permission to Complain
There are so many different things I could be blogging about today. Riots. Racism. Pandemic. Economic unrest. A big part of me feels like I should be speaking out about each of them. Some of them I’ve spoken out about at length already. Some of them I haven’t.
But the sad fact is that my tank is pretty much empty at the moment. I don’t have the energy to write up a post that does any single one of those topics justice, let alone put up with the ensuing drama that might potentially unfold on my Facebook wall because of it.
(I also don’t have it in me to detail just how I’m feeling and why. Here’s hoping things look brighter on Monday. (I keep thinking that will be the case. I’ve been wrong a whole lot lately though . . .))
A lot of the things weighing me down right now are fairly small in comparison with the huge things troubling our country and so many people in it. I’ve been stuck inside a lot. It’s hard. I don’t like it. At the moment, even little things can really throw me for a loop. It’s hot. It’s clammy. I have too many Zoom meetings.
Each one of those problems feel small enough that I really shouldn’t complain about them, and that’s something I’ve heard echoed across my social media pages. People feel bad, and they feel bad for feeling bad, because other people have it worse. But you know what? I’m sure for my entire life, there has always been someone out there who has had it much worse than I’ve had it. If the only person allowed to complain were the person who had the worst life on the planet, no one you know would ever be allowed to complain.
Feeling bad isn’t a competition. We’re allowed to feel bad even if other people have it worse. I would generally refrain from complaining to people who have it worse, but other than that? I think some complaining now and then is a-okay. Not that we need to wallow in sorrow, but it’s okay to feel.
So consider this post a “complaining allowed” zone. Feel free to complain about anything. No judging here. If you feel bad about it, and it’s causing you some mental baggage, unload it. It’s the weekend, after all. Maybe unloading some troubles will help.
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
May 28, 2020
On the (Teenage) Job Hunt
Had to make sure to put the “Teenage” in the title, as I am still happily employed, and I’d like to remain that way as long as possible. However, Tomas is 16 and definitely unemployed at this point. That’s something he’s looking to rectify. At this point, though, I’ll admit I’m no longer sure how that all works as a teenager. It’s been a long time.
Originally, we thought we had everything lined up just right. He had worked at the pool teaching swimming lessons last year, and the plan was to build on that experience this year. Yes, there were some anticipated problems: we were going on too many vacations. Between Fiddle Camp, church camp, camping camp, Disney World, and more, the options for him to actually be able to work seemed few and far between.
Well, all those camps are gone now. (I just finished canceling all the Disney reservations, since it’s not open until July 15.) That means Tomas will have plenty of time, but . . . the pool is closed, so it’s not like he can work there. We talked for a while about finding “the right job,” but in the end, he came to the conclusion the “right” job is pretty much “any job” at the moment. Minimum wage in Maine is $12/hour, which is fantastic for a 16 year-old. So he’s checking out fast food and retail. Apparently these days the applications for those are all done online. (And there I was thinking we’d have to drive him around to pick up paper applications. I’m so old.)
We debated for a bit about how “safe” it is to be heading out to the front lines of fast food right now. Honestly, I think it’s much easier for a teen than an adult. If he gets sick and can’t work, it’s not like he’s in desperate need of the paycheck. He’s working for convenience, not for necessity. My first job was at the Golden Arches, and from experience, I think the company will be making a good effort to keep things clean and disease free. The bigger concern would be the customers, and for that, mainly the angry customers. (And I’ve had more than my share of experience with those.)
No idea which job he’ll get, if any, but I definitely believe having a job like that prepares you well for the workforce later in life. There’s something you learn firsthand when you realize you’re working for someone else, and whatever they say is pretty much the way things need to be done. Yes, you can always quit, but if you want that $12/hour . . .
It’s a different dynamic than you get “working” for your parents doing jobs around the house, or working at school on various assignments. Feedback is more immediate, and it’s harder to just procrastinate things. I think it’ll be good for him, if he can get the job.
Anyone local have any advice for a teen on the job hunt?
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
May 27, 2020
The Family Sprint Challenge
Like I imagine many of you (most?), there’s been a whole lot of sitting around the house in my family since we went into social distancing mode. Tons of computer and screen time, between work and writing and watching things in the evening to relax. I wanted to come up with a way to get the whole family engaged in something a bit more physical, even if it was just a small thing.
My solution? The family sprint challenge.
Three weeks ago, I outlined the plan to the fam. We’d pick a course and start timing each other to see how fast we could complete it. Why? Because why not. My family likes a good competition, though I stressed to them that we’d be racing against our own best times more than anything else. Everyone’s at a different ability level when it comes to running, so while we’ keep track of who was overall fastest, we’d also be paying attention to how improved people are becoming.
Daniela caught the spirit right away. She’s never one to turn down the chance to make a chart, and she went straight for a piece of paper and pencils. In no time, we had the challenge up on the wall, waiting and ready for people to fill out their times. But that’s where it sat for about a week, untouched and pristine. Clearly my family wasn’t going to start spontaneously running without a nudge.
So I got out my sneakers and sweatpants and ran the route as best I could, making sure everyone knew I was doing it. It’s about a half mile, up a hill and then back down it. From from a level surface the whole way, and while I’m still jogging in place each day to keep the heart rate up now and then, that’s all the exertion I’m typically up to. I knew this was going up on The Chart, however, so I really pushed myself. When I got back, I was wheezing for a half hour, and that was after just 3 and a half minutes of sprinting. (Well, sprinting for the first bit. Let’s not fool ourselves here.)
However, it was enough to get the rest of the family moving. Tomas headed out almost as soon as I got back, never one to prove to the rest of the world that he’s better than me. He did the course in 2:09. Yikes. That inspired Denisa, Daniela, and even MC to get in on the action. I was worried I was going to come in last. (I have no illusions that I’m fleet of foot), but my record ended up getting me second place. Woo hoo!
Sunday, we raced again. Tomas shaved off two seconds from his time. MC decided she wanted a shorter course. (I don’t blame her.) Daniela and Denisa both improved by around 20 seconds, and I cut a whole half minute off my best. Down to 3 minutes even! (Though I was still huffing and puffing enough to put the Big Bad Wolf to shame.
All told, it’s been successful so far. We’ll see how long we can keep it up. If anyone local wants to come by and add their entries to the chart, I’ll be happy to time you. 
May 26, 2020
Quarantine Movie Review: Hello, Dolly!
Hello, Dolly! is a movie I’ve watched many many times before, so it might seem a bit strange to be reviewing it now. But I came across it on Disney+ of all places, and I was waiting for Denisa to come up to watch something, so I thought I’d watch the first few minutes. Two and a half hours later, and I’d blown right past my bedtime to finish it. I realize that having grown up with it, I might not be able to give a truly unbiased take on it, but there are plenty of movies I watched when I was little that I rewatched and didn’t enjoy.
Hello, Dolly! is not one of them.
One of the reasons is perhaps because this is the first time I’ve watched it on anything other than VHS. The movie was the most expensive musical when it was filmed, costing around $175 million in today’s dollars. You can completely see it when you watch it in high definition on a large screen. There are so many details in all the shots. The dance numbers are incredible. If you haven’t seen the film for a while, or are used to watching a cruddy copy, you should definitely give it another go.
Is the musical flawless? Well, no. I mean, it’s got many of the same problems classic musicals have with sexism and other PC issues. (Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, anyone?) It also has the common problem of casting a young woman as the love interest of an older man. (Streisand was 27 when she filmed the movie. Matthau was 49. They famously didn’t get along at all during the filming, either.) As a side note, more and more I’m finding when I rewatch movies that I watched a ton as a kid how disturbing it can be to find out how old the actors were in the film. Matthau was only 49? Sheesh. Doc Brown in Back to the Future? 47.)
But if you can look past the issues the film has, understanding they were a product of their time, then I think there’s a lot to enjoy here. It won three Oscars and was nominated for Best Picture. It was directed by Gene Kelly and has supporting actors in Michael Crawford and Tommy Tune (who’s 6’6″ and paired with a love interest who’s 4’10”. Maybe Hollywood just likes contrasts).
I realized once again that there were some numbers I would just fast forward through as a kid. Nothing like some selective “skim through the boring stuff.” I have no idea how the movie would have played for my kids. Like I said, it was such an impulse watch, I didn’t even consider waiting for the whole family. So we’ll have to wait for another time through it to decide whether it still has play for the youth of today, but speaking as someone who loved it when he was young, it’s still a lot of fun now. 8/10, and a lovely bonus to find on Disney+, making me look forward to seeing some more Fox gems come out on the service in the coming years.
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
May 22, 2020
The Wonders of an Automatic Email Signature
I send a fair number of emails each day. (Ugh.) I use two main accounts (one for work and one for home), which is better than when I had to worry about a third one for MLA as well. But from my home email, I often send two types of emails. One is from me personally, and the other is from me as the Stake Executive Secretary. I have my signature automatically added to all emails. The standard one gives links to my blog and my books for sale, because marketing. (Not effective marketing, but still. It’s the thought that counts, right? Sure.)
The thing is, I’m not comfortable with that signature going out with my church emails. I’m not trying to shill books on unsuspecting church members, after all, and up until a bit ago, I always had to delete that email and put in something generic instead. Then, Gmail added the option to store multiple signatures.
Friends, this was a real game changer for yours truly. These days, I’m often sending out 10-15 emails to various church members at a time. Deleting that signature and retyping it time after time after time was a real first world problem, but it was a problem nonetheless. Now, I just saved two different signatures. When I need to switch between them, I can do that with two mouse clicks.
It probably cuts down on email times by a good 5-10 minutes, which might not seem like a lot, but when it’s 5-10 minutes of time that you feel like you’re just wasting time, it’s wonderful. I’m a firm believer that if you can save time here and there throughout the week, it pays dividends in the long run. If you can do something more efficiently, wonderful!
So if this is something that sounds like it could help you, allow me to direct you to these instructions.
Enjoy, and have a lovely weekend!
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
May 21, 2020
An Ode to Mac & Cheese
Yesterday I told the world just how bad Grape Nuts really are. The response on my Facebook wall was lively, to say the least. It seemed like every Grape Nut aficionado in a thousand mile radius somehow sensed someone had thrown down the gauntlet, exposing to the world just how awful Grape Nuts really are. Unbeknownst to me, there must be some sort of Grape Nut pact people sign when they decide they like the taste of kitty litter for breakfast.
“These are my Grape Nuts. I must defend them.”
Not many people came by to say they didn’t like Grape Nuts either. (Can you blame them? They would have been trampled by the mob of Grape Nutters.) But today, I thought I’d perform an experiment. Yesterday I focused on a disgusting food I didn’t like, and it brought out all the people who like it. I wondered what would happen if I focused on a food I love, which many find disgusting. Will it bring out all the people who will tell me just how disgusting it really is, and how I’m wrong? Or will it attract all the people who also love it? My guess is that it will bring out the people who disagree with me, but there’s only one way to find out!
I’m speaking, of course, of macaroni and cheese. Not the homemade stuff. No, I’m focused right on the boxed variety. And not even the high end boxed mac & cheese. Kraft is way too high brow for me. My sophomore year of college, I pretty much lived on one meal. I would take brand X mac & cheese and make it, leaving out the butter (because who has time for butter), but putting in a can of tuna fish instead.
Denisa called it the Yellow Death. To me, it was (and is) pretty much the perfect food. Allow me to elucidate.
First, it’s dead simple to make. If you can boil water and operate a can opener, you’re good to go. Within ten minutes, you can have a warm meal. Better yet, it’s an easy cleanup as well. You make the dish and eat it out of the pot you boiled the pasta in. One bowl to clean up, and that’s it.
You’ve got your basic food groups covered. Carbohydrates? Check. Dairy? That’s what the cheese and milk are for. Fruit and vegetables? Overrated. Meat? Fish! The healthy meat! As an added bonus, it comes with built-in portion control. Once you’ve made up a single box, you’ll be way too lazy to want to make another. And the food is delicious enough that there are hardly ever leftovers.
But that brings me to an added bonus. If you thought warm mac & cheese with tuna fish was delicious, just wait until you’ve tried it cold. It’s like a whole new dish! Kind of like pizza that way. There were plenty of times that I would just stick the leftovers in the fridge (in the same pot still) and pull them out the next day for lunch. No need to microwave it or anything! (You don’t want to wait too long to eat them, though. After a day, the mac & cheese gets a bit . . . grody.)
Finally, there are enough preservatives in there that you could buy in bulk and be good for at least a decade or so, I’d guess. Smart shoppers could wait until tuna and the boxed mac & cheese were on sale. Talk about winning!
I know there have been other innovations in mac & cheese cuisine over the years. Hot dogs or chili were often cited as superior, but to me, tuna fish will always reign supreme.
Now if I could just convinced Denisa that it’s vegan . . .
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
May 20, 2020
Awful Cereal Hall of Fame: Grape Nuts
I don’t know if there’s a Hall of Fame for Awful Cereal. I get that typically halls of fame are reserved for honoring good things, not detracting from bad things. And I get that maybe it should be a Hall of Infamy, but at that point, we’re really overthinking this a bit too much, aren’t we?
Regardless of whether or not something like a Hall of Fame for Awful Cereal (HFAC) should exist or not, I would like to think we could all agree on the simple fact that the first entry in the HFAC would be Grape Nuts.
I have had the misfortune of eating Grape Nuts twice in my life. The first time was at my brother’s. I was crashing there for the night, and when the morning came, it was time for breakfast. His supply left a fair bit to be desired. I can’t remember exactly what was there (Cheerios? Shredded wheat?) but whatever it was, it was missing my usual go-to dependables. Cocoa Puffs or Cocoa Krispies. (If your cereal isn’t giving you chocolate milk when you’re through with it, it’s not pulling its weight.) There were, however, Grape Nuts.
“Aha!” I said to myself. “I’ve never tried those before. I like grapes. I like nuts. These are gonna be great.”
One bowlful later, I discovered it’s a miracle Grape Nuts haven’t been hit with a false advertisement suit years ago. They contain neither grapes nor nuts. In fact, they’re basically kitty litter, but I suppose “Kitty Litter” as a cereal name didn’t score as well in their consumer research tests, so they decided to lie instead.
Not that I’ve ever tasted kitty litter, in case you were beginning to have your doubts. I mean, I’ve tasted Grape Nuts now, which already makes me pretty suspect, so I wouldn’t blame you for being suspicious about my history with consuming kitty litter. But Grape Nuts look like kitty litter: small pellets. They smell pretty much odorless, which I believe is the point of kitty litter. And if you swapped them out with your cat’s kitty litter, I’m willing to bet Mr. Bigglesworth wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.
Needless to say, I didn’t have a second bowl.
And yet somehow I was suckered into trying Grape Nuts again. Years had gone by, and I was having ice cream at a friend’s house. The flavor? Grape Nuts. I stared at the flavor name in confusion. It was like calling something “Dog Vomit Ice Cream” and hoping that would somehow sell more cartons. Except my friend wasn’t just eating the ice cream. He was enjoying it. He even said it was his favorite flavor.
I am not above admitting when I am wrong, and what did I know? Maybe when you added cream and sugar to Grape Nuts and then froze them for a while, they turned into some kind of awesome flavorfest. Did I want to miss out on a thing like that? Maybe the batch of Grape Nuts I’d had was stale, or maybe my brother had accidentally put kitty litter into his Grape Nuts back in the day.
Reader, I tried the ice cream.
Again, I’ve never put kitty litter on top of my ice cream before, but if I were ever try such a thing, I’m fairly confident I couldn’t have a worse experience with that flavor than with what I put in my mouth that day.
Friends don’t let friends eat Grape Nuts. Period.
There are other cereal brands that belong in the HFAC. Original Cap’n Crunch has cut my mouth more times than I’d like to admit. Rice Krispies are borderline, because if you don’t literally inhale them the moment you add milk to the mixture, you’re left with Rice Mush. I’m not honestly sure what Apple Jacks are trying to accomplish, but whatever it is, they’re failing.
But they all pale before the horror that is Grape Nuts.
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
May 19, 2020
Plots that Annoy Me: Picaresque
I came to a realization last night while watching some Netflix. (Show of the moment? Money Heist, which I enjoy a lot of, but there are some aspects that bug me which will become clear as you read this post.) There’s a whole vein of storytelling that’s becoming more and more difficult for me to actually enjoy. I’m not saying I totally hate the trope and will never watch or read anything like it, but if a story’s going to pull it off, it’s going to take some very heavy lifting.
I’m talking about the picaresque. Actually just one slice of it, really. I have nothing against first person or realism or satire or criminal behavior by the protagonist. But the “series of events” bugs the living daylights out of me, especially when jammed together with the “little or no character development.”
This is one of the reasons I gave up on House so easily. It was a formula, and they were going to follow that formula again and again and again. This is clearly a successful pattern to follow, especially with serialized television. Matlock or Perry Mason, CSI or Law & Order, pick your poison. Back in the days of reruns, this was a perfect setup for a television show. Establish the characters, and have people come back week after week for the characters doing the same thing as last week, and it doesn’t really matter what happened last week. There’s a new mystery, and you solve that mystery.
For me to want to stick with something like that longer than an episode or two? It’s going to take some awesome storytelling. Some fantastic characters or some intriguing plots or a twist I haven’t seen.
I don’t mean to dismiss a whole swathe of pop culture. I really enjoy murder mysteries, and I’ve watched more than my fair share of Law & Order episodes. Sometimes they scratch an itch that just needs scratching. But what I really dislike is when a story pretends to be something else, but at its core, it’s just serialized fiction. When a story promises character development and sweeping plot developments, and it gives me layer on layer of the same. Me no likey.
What exacerbates the problem is when those series of adventures become too obvious. The skeleton of the plot seems to just unravel, and I no longer really care about who’s doing what, since nothing seems to matter. Some new adventure will always pop up. Money Heist has a favorite trick: point guns at people. It feels like every episode, somebody’s pointing a gun at somebody else. Often multiple people are pointing guns at each other at the same time. This is supposed to increase tension, but they’ve done it so often, the trick’s worn thin. Nobody ever actually gets shot. (Well, once or twice, but very rarely.) It’s just a thing the writers like to do to show just how serious things have gotten.
Not a fan.
In books, this all plays out more or less the same. The hero goes through a series of trials, but none of them really seem to matter. You don’t know what’s coming up next, and so they can’t really plan for anything. It begins to feel like they’re succeeding not because they’re particularly good at what they do, but that they’re lucky. Problems arise due to bad luck. They disappear due to good lucky. In the end, I just stop caring.
If it were up to me (and when I’m writing, it thankfully is), I would prefer stories that have stakes that matter. Where the audience and the protagonist are aware of the challenges they’re going to be facing. Sure, some of it’s up in the air, but they can at least think of a plan to overcome the odds. It can then turn out even worse than they’d planned, but they can then use the smarts and experiences they’ve experienced up to that point to throw a new, meaningful plan together and win the day. The past is connected to the present and the future in a tangible way, and the things we’ve read before feel like they pay off later on in the novel.
Am I asking too much?
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
May 18, 2020
In Which Time Stops
I’m a fan of clocks. Noisy clocks. To me, a house isn’t really living until it’s got that steady metronome clicking away somewhere inside it. We’ve had a clock in our kitchen for years and years, and it’s comforting to me to have the noise always present. (Though I understand it drives some people crazy. Maybe I’m already there?)
A week or two into Social Distancing, my kitchen clock broke. It just stopped holding a wind. I imagine it’s a fairly simple fix, but there’s no where for us to take it at the moment to get fixed, and so the nice reassuring ticking coming from my kitchen has stopped for the time being. That’s the sort of detail you’d throw into a novel and be accused of being too heavy handed with your symbolism, but there you have it.
Time has stopped in my house.
(Well, not completely. I mean, I still have the grandfather clock going away, but it’s really better for chiming, not ticking. I can’t hear the ticking from my office.)
I can tell time is still moving forward. The plants outside my window seem to be growing alarmingly fast, and the lawn has already needed to be mowed twice. I’ve started actually scheduling some outside get-togethers, campfires and tennis and the like. Things you can do at least six feet apart. Tomas is going to be running with some of his friends again, and MC is working on learning how to ride a bike.
So the hallmarks of “today is different than yesterday” are returning, at least to an extent. But it’s still as hard for me as I imagine it is for all of you to remember just what day of the week I’m on. To Do lists help with that, as does my not-nearly-as-used calendar.
In an effort to combat the “one big long day” feeling, I’m trying some other approaches as well. Setting overarching goals and involving the family with them. For example, yesterday we marked out the path for a timed race: run down the road, touch a telephone pole, and run back. Who can do it the fastest? Daniela happily made up a chart for us to record our times. (Tomas did the whole thing in just over two minutes, but I’m proud to say I came in second. Granted, it was a minute twenty longer than it took him, but still. Not bad.) Maybe keeping track of those times will be a fun activity.
But until my clock is fixed, literally and figuratively, I don’t think things are going to feel back to normal. Maybe I should teach myself how to fix it . . .
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve posted the entirety of my book ICHABOD in installments, and I’m now putting up chapters from PAWN OF THE DEAD, another of my unreleased books. Where else are you going to get the undead and muppets all in the same YA package? Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
