Bryce Moore's Blog, page 118
January 2, 2019
2018’s Most Popular Posts
Greetings from the flip side of the winter break! I’m back (more or less: I’m home sick with a stomach bug I caught just in time to ruin my New Years Eve party plans.) And I figured I’d start things off with a look back at what really went over well from last year. First, I’ll do a top 10 for posts that were published this year, and then I’ll follow that up with my current top 10 overall posts of all time. Ready?
TOP TEN POSTS FROM 2018
Ten: Is God’s Love Conditional? This response piece I wrote in reaction to a lesson I heard in church got a heartening number of views and likes on Facebook.
Nine: Credit Card Hacking Update. I’m still at the credit card game, incidentally. (Though I took time off over the holidays, because life was too hectic. I’ve racked up . . . around 200,000 Marriott points and around 300,000 Unlimited Rewards points, just by spending money I was going to spend anyway. I’m not in any more debt than I would be, and I’m eyeing a Caribbean vacation for free at some point this year . . .
Eight: Eighth Grade “Graduation”. A rare occasion where I griped publicly about some school traditions. Turned out my feelings were shared by many, though I don’t think anything will come of it.
Seven: On My Mission President. My mission president was given weeks to live about a year ago. I wrote a piece about my feelings for him and what an impact he had on my life. I’m ecstatic to say he’s still alive and relatively well, judging by the updates I get through Facebook. A definite bright spot for me in 2018.
Six: Crunching the School Budget Numbers (Again). Ah, the school budget debate. This was back in April. Thank goodness we emerged from that mess (for now, at least).
Five: On the Kavanaugh Hearings. I was actually quite surprised that more of my pieces of current events didn’t break the top ten.
Four: Sexual Abuse in Church. Sadly, my religion is not immune to scandals, just as with any other. Churches, being made up of imperfect people, will inevitably show those imperfections. Sometimes much worse than others. Thankfully, some steps have been taken to make this less likely, but I do believe more can and will be done.
Three: When Your Friends are Accused of Sexual Harassment. Back in February, a number of my author friends were accused of sexual harassment. Some fairly, and some (it turned out) falsely.
Two: Performance Based Education Continues. I’m still far from ecstatic about the PBE approach to grading, though Tomas has thankfully managed the transition very well. Life is a game, and you learn the rules to do as well at the game as you can. That doesn’t mean the rules are perfect all the time, however. I personally believe PBE will be changed again in the future. Not sure how long it will take, though.
One: Thoughts on Magic the Gathering: Arena. Who woulda thunk it? My piece on Arena ended up being my most popular new post this year. I still love the game and play it daily. It’s in open beta now, and if you’re at all interested in Magic or board gaming, you should give it a shot. (Though it still only runs on PC. I’m hoping this year brings it to iPad . . .)
TOP TEN POSTS IN 2018
As opposed to the earlier list, these are the top 10 posts that were read this year, regardless of when they were written. Some fairly big surprises for me this time when I went through these.
Ten: Fishing for White Perch: I Love Maine Reason #3,204. This post was written all the way back in 2011, and it shows. It’s much more sparse than how I write today. And yet somehow it found a following online. I assume Google’s algorithms had to do with that somehow.
Nine: Performance Based Education Continues. (This gives you a sense of where the new posts fit in with the old posts.)
Eight: Going Clear: Scientology vs. Mormonism. A post from 2015 that is a perennial favorite, likely due to the sensitive nature of it. (Helped by the fact that it’s been shared a couple of times on Anti-Mormon group pages. They like to drop in now and then and take a couple of pot shots at me before they scurry off again.)
Seven: Dear Guillermo Del Toro: Please Don’t Use Racial Slurs Throughout Your Films. This one comes from 2013. Del Toro has since explained he had no idea “Gypsy” was a slur. Of course, that didn’t stop the new film makers from naming a new Jaeger “Gipsy Avenger,” but Del Toro wasn’t involved in the sequel . . .
Six: Thoughts on Magic the Gathering: Arena. (My thoughts on why my number one new post couldn’t even crack the top five most read posts of the year? Algorithms. Once Google finds something and starts directing people to it, it has a much wider audience. New posts rely on people seeing me share it through social media. It’s sink or swim. But some old posts can find their niche and thrive.)
Five: Obscure Netflix Movie Review: The Dam Busters. Written in 2012, I have absolutely no idea how this post is doing so well. Netflix doesn’t even have the film on its service anymore. That’s a shame, because it’s a really good one . . .
Four: Honda Fit vs. Toyota Prius: Fight! Back in 2017, my post comparing the two cars is still popular, likely because other people are wondering the same thing. For the record, I’m still very happy with the Prius, and I think I made the right decision for me. (Though I still see why people love their Fits.)
Three: BYU Scavenger Hunt. This one was technically made by my awesome niece, Alexa, in 2017. I got her permission to post it online, and it’s been crazy popular ever since. (Likely because BYU students are often looking for goofy Family Home Evening activities, would be my guess . . .)
Two: A Mormon Explanation of the “I Believe” Book of Mormon Musical Number from the Tonys. From 2011, this post still gets a ton of traffic, for obvious reasons. Still glad I wrote it.
One: Getting Into BYU. I wrote this one back in 2014. I really don’t know how much of it still applies, but Google thinks it’s great, and it keeps sending people to check it out. It got almost twice as many views as the I Believe post. That’s how popular it is. Not even close. (And likely a sign of just how desperate so many people are for their kids to get into BYU . . .)
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve been posting my book ICHABOD in installments, as well as chapters from UTOPIA. Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
December 26, 2018
A Post-Christmas Thought
I know I said I was taking a break from the blog, but I’m breaking that rule today to pop in and share a thought. I was sitting here catching up with my journal for the last few days. Christmas is fun, but very busy, and so it’s easy to let some things slip past me in the big build up. I was about five days behind, but I like writing my journal. A good way to take stock of what I’ve been up to. Sometimes it seems it’s very same-thing-every-day, but other times huge things will happen out of nowhere.
But as I was writing about everything we’ve been up to (Canadian Brass Christmas concert, quartet in church, presents, fun, and a crushed front bumper of the Prius in a parking mishap), it just occurred to me how much I like the little things. Spending time with the kids. Going on walks. Working on projects. Playing games. Watching movies. Just spending time together as a family.
You want to have things mixed up now and then. Excitement. Vacations. But so much of life is just the day in day out act of living it. Just as you only notice how wonderful it is to be healthy once you’re actually sick, it can be hard to identify how much fun it is to be with your family until they’re not there anymore.
This isn’t intended to be a sad post. Just a chance for me to try and get down the feeling I was having while journaling. I won’t have another Christmas with Tomas at 14, DC at 10, and MC at 5, and that’s okay. Life moves on, and there will be Christmases to come, and this one to look back on. How to put this . . . ?
When we were in Krakow this past summer, we took the kids out at night late one evening. Our hotel was 25 feet from the main square of the city, so Denisa and I thought it was a perfect chance to do something with the kids we don’t usually get to do. We had a great time wandering the streets and showing them how different a city looks at night compared to the day. And after we were mostly done (just finishing one of our many ice creams that trip), I pulled everyone off to the side of the main square. I told the kids to stop and take some time to *be* there. To really notice what it was like. To listen to the sounds. Feel the air. Smell it. Focus on what it’s like. It’s kind of like taking a mental snapshot of a moment. It’s something I’ve done off and on over the years, and I love being able to think back on all those times and remember them, because when I focus like that, the memories do seem much clearer and crisper.
[image error]The main square in Krakow. I had everyone stand just to the left of this picture (though it was much later when we did that walk).
That’s the same sort of feeling I had while journaling. That just living life with my family is a lot of fun, and I want to Remember this. I know there will be Christmases when things are much different. That’s okay. This was a lovely one, and it’s been a hectic end of the year to this point. I was very grateful for the chance to catch my breath, clear my head, and just enjoy the moment for while again.
I hope this Christmas found you and yours in good health and spirits as well. Maybe it wasn’t a great time for you (there have been some Christmases that were . . . much less than optimal for me). If so, I hope you have good times ahead. And when they come (or if they’re already here), take some time to soak them all in.
And now I’m going to eat some more fudge, before I turn into a walking Hallmark card.
Merry Christmas!
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve been posting my book ICHABOD in installments, as well as chapters from UTOPIA. Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
December 17, 2018
Christmas Vacation
It’s that time of year again, folks. The time I scurry off to take my end of the year, use-it-or-lose-it vacation. So for the next couple of weeks, I’ll only be into work for a couple of days. Other than that, I’m taking a break from most everything that’s not family related. Including the blog.
If I get itchy fingers, I’ll pop in now and then, but for the most part, I’m going silent until the new year.
I hope you all have a lovely break!
December 14, 2018
Movie Review: The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
I’m a self-confessed Coen Bros. fan. Their kind of storytelling almost always entertains me, mainly because it’s just a bit off from the typical movie you’ll get anywhere else. They embrace the absurd, but not to the extent that you give up on it. It’s more like (for me) that I never know what sort of characters and plots I’ll meet in their films. Heroes might not be that heroic, and they might turn out to be cowards. Villains can do things that genuinely surprise you.
Some of my favorite movies are Coen Bros. affairs. O Brother Where Art Thou is fantastic. True Grit, No Country for Old Men, Big Lebowski, and Miller’s Crossing are all home runs, and I personally love Hudsucker Proxy and Intolerable Cruelty.
This is just to say that when I see a new Coen Bros. movie come out, I’m naturally inclined to watch it soon. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, just out on Netflix a week or two ago, is a bit of a departure for them. Instead of one movie, it’s a series of 6 short films, all of them western themed. Think of it more as an adaptation of a short story collection, and it makes more sense. I’m going to run down my response to each of them in the order they appear in the film.
The Ballad of Buster Scruggs is classic quirky Coens. A deadly gunslinger who happens to look like a carefree, whistling goof, comes into town. He talks to the camera and sings all the time. It’s quite violent, and completely absurd. It left me wondering what would be coming next, but bemused, at least.
Near Algodones is really well done, but ultimately not as memorable for me. It tells the story of a bank robber and the series of misfortunes that befall him. I enjoyed it well enough, but it didn’t stay with me the same as some of the other tales did.
Meal Ticket was totally brutal. It’s the story of a man who drives a one-cart circus around from town to town. He’s employed a single armless, legless man who happens to give great speeches. But times are clearly tough, and it’s debatable if the operation will stay afloat. This is not a story that will leave you very optimistic about the love of mankind.
All Gold Canyon is a beautifully shot film. The story of a gold digger who’s hoping to strike it rich in a place it seems no man has stepped foot in before. But he’s old, and there’s a chance he might just die before he ever finds anything. I liked this one, though it felt a tad . . . gimmicky. Still fantastic to look at.
The Gal Who Got Rattled was one I really loved, and I’m not entirely sure why. The story of a woman riding west with her brother to seek a possible marriage in California. Except (naturally) things don’t quite go according to plan. I think I liked this one so much because of how much it got me to invest in the main characters, and their fate is one that made me keep thinking about it long after the movie was over.
The Mortal Remains is the tale of a group of people in a stagecoach on their way to an unknown destination. Full of classic Coen dialogue, though perhaps a bit heavy on the symbolism. A sort of film that after you watch it, you wonder what it meant, and you try to parse it out, even if it did feel like it tried a bit too hard, in the end.
Overall, I gave the movie a 9/10. I enjoyed myself the entire time watching it. It was thought provoking and entertaining, which isn’t something you get every day. I also really liked the general form of the movie, with each sequence introduced by a colored illustration from a book, along with a subtitle that made you wonder what was in store. Some of those intros turned out to be key to really understanding what was happening.
It’s a violent, bloody film, which is the one reason it’s rated R. No real language or sex–but expect to see people die and be harmed in sometimes inventive ways.
A sign of how strong the films are individually is how wide a range of opinions there are on which are the best and worst of the lot. I personally would rank them:
Ballad of Buster ScruggsThe Gal Who Got RattledAll Gold CanyonMeal TicketNear AlgodonesMortal Remains
But just going through those, it was very difficult to make some decisions. They’re each strong in their own way.
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve been posting my book ICHABOD in installments, as well as chapters from UTOPIA. Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
December 13, 2018
Super Secret Surprise Book Going Out on Submission
I know I’ve been announcing regular updates on MURDER CASTLE for, like, forever. That’s typically how books work with me. I get an idea. I write multiple drafts. I refine it with help from my agents. It goes out on submission. It takes at the bare minimum a half year of effort (more likely a year or more to actually get a book out to editors.)
Which is why it will no doubt come as a big surprise to you to hear that we’re sending out a whole new book to editors this week.
To explain what’s happened, I need to give a bit of context.
First off, I’ve been writing a family newsletter for Christmas every year since . . . 2007, it turns out. When Denisa and I moved to Maine, we decided we’d do a newsletter as a Christmas gift for family members. Each year, it included a variety of funny fake news stories written by me, as well as any stories the family wanted to include. (That first year our family just consisted of me, Denisa, and Tomas!) To make it seem more like a gift, I also write a short story for each newsletter, all of them Christmas-themed.
It was a fun project at first, but as with many projects, it takes work to keep it going. Each year around Thanksgiving, I realize that I still haven’t come up with a short story idea for that year’s newsletter. That’s the hardest part. This year over dinner with my agents, I bemoaned the need to come up with an idea yet again. (This would be my 12th short story, after all.)
Which is why when one of my agents made a pithy Tweet about a Christmas mashup he’d like to see, I leapt on it as an idea for my story.
As I got into writing it, I discovered the story felt like it would work better as a picture book. And I made an offhand remark in an email to my agents that it was too bad I couldn’t make drawings that would fit. They noted you don’t need illustrations to sell a picture book, to which I asked if they actually would represent a picture book.
They said they’d want to see the book in question.
And would ya know it? After some tweaks, it’s going on submission.
I’m being a tad cagey about the topic, mainly because it took me less than ten hours total of work to finish this puppy off. If we sell it, then I’ll announce it of course, but until then, I’d like to have a head start on anyone who’s thinking about sniping the idea.
However, if you’re one of my Patreon supporters, I’ve decided to post the story there as a Christmas present to you all in the next week or two, so you have that to look forward to. (And you can always sign up now to see it then.)
Anyway. Will this tale have an even more exciting ending? Who knows. I think the story has a shot of actually being pretty commercial, but I’ve been wrong before. If it sells at all, it would probably end up being the best hourly rate I’ve ever earned in my life. (And likely ever will again.) I don’t think it’ll be a hard decision for an editor to make. The book pretty much does exactly what the one sentence description of it promises. So we just need to see if any editors out there agree with my “could be pretty commercial” assessment.
Wish me luck!
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve been posting my book ICHABOD in installments, as well as chapters from UTOPIA. Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
December 12, 2018
Baby It’s Cold Outside Isn’t Worth It
I understand. There has been a huge cultural movement over the last few years. Call it the PC movement, Social Justice Warriors, or something else, but it’s been a general drift away from certain “traditional” mindsets that might have been broadly accepted in the past, but which have fallen out of favor with many today.
And some people find that threatening.
We could dive into the details about what motivates people and what makes them feel insecure, but I’m not a psychologist, and I don’t feel like going there today. Suffice it to say that there’s a backlash movement against the PC movement. There are people who feel there should be no need to sacrifice things that have been popular for decades just because they might be perceived as insensitive or disparaging to whole groups of people. (Quick aside: read that last sentence again. Then, if that describes you, question your life choices.)
Perhaps I’m being dismissive. Perhaps I truly don’t understand what motivates people who seem (to me) to hear about the fact that they’re doing something that’s upsetting or hurtful to others, and then they decide to continue doing it, just because they don’t feel like they should have to stop.
I deal with this kind of behavior pretty regularly, as a parent. One of my kids will be on the couch, It’s a big couch. Plenty of room. And another one will come sit down on the couch. Sooner or later, one of the kids makes a move. Typically, they try to sprawl out as much as possible. Inevitably, this sprawl infringes on the space of the other kid. That’s when the arguing starts. The couch is big enough for everyone, but one kid feels like they should be able to set up shop on the whole thing, or right next to the other kid.
Another example: we’ll be in the car, and one kid decides to start listening to their video game music without using their headphones. It’s annoying to everyone else in the car, but they don’t want to stop, because they like it more without headphones.
Folks, if your behavior is regularly mirrored by a five-year-old, maybe going around calling other people misguided or wrong is a tad off base.
The thing is, if these debates were about truly important things, I’d be much more sympathetic. If something really matters to a person, I try to be able to help that person get that thing. But so many of these “Anti-PC Movement” movements have been about things that . . . just don’t seem to amount to much. And no example of this is easier to see than “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”
To judge from my current Facebook feed, you would think “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is the Mona Lisa of Christmas music. That it’s the epitome of all that is good and right with the world when it comes to holiday classics. Here’s how I summed it up in one Facebook response I wrote:
Of all the possibilities, I get a kick out of the number of people willing to go to battle for “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” As if this is the Bridge of Khazad Dum, and PC Culture is the Balrog, the song is Frodo, and they’re Gandalf, bravely standing there shouting “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!”
It’s a song that if it were done today, would come across as creepy. And it’s still being covered today. It’s a light Christmas song, and people are treating it like it’s Holy Writ.
If people don’t like it, don’t play it. If people like to listen to it, fine. But to go full nerd and explain the history of the song, American culture, and dating mores just to justify why you feel you should be able to listen to the song and it should be in regular rotation on the radio . . . seems excessive.
The debate is generating a fair bit of buzz, with some radio stations yanking the song from their rotation (OH NOES!!), and videos being made that poke fun at the song and the debate.
Pretty amusing, though I kind of cringe at the cavalier way it’s poking fun at the #metoo movement
This one I take more umbrage at, mainly because it strongly implies anyone who has an issue with the song is represented by this sort of behavior, which I think totally misses the point.
When I first read the linguistic, historical defense of the song a few years ago (such as some of the thoughts expressed in this article), I thought it was interesting, and I agreed with it. The song didn’t mean what it sounds like it means today. What’s the big deal?
But #metoo has happened since then, and the song really comes across as flat footed now. And yes, that’s not what it meant back then, but so what? Will I take this song out of my own Christmas playlist? No. It’s a catchy song, it won an Academy Award, and I don’t mind it. Do I care if I don’t hear it on the radio ever again? No. If I like it, I can buy any version I want and play it until my ears bleed.
(As another side note, I get another kick out of the fact that some of the people who are arguing we keep the song playing are conservative, and their argument “It doesn’t mean what you think it means” ends up being “Actually, it means this unmarried woman wants to have sex with a man.” And that somehow . . . makes it a song we should gather the kids around to enjoy together? How does “Baby It’s Cold Outside” end up being the hill some conservatives want to go to war over? Just because it’s something the PC movement wants? The enemy of my enemy is my friend?)
Anyway. That’s about 1,000 words more than I’d ever thought I’d be writing about this subject, but it’s been bugging me more and more as I see the debate sprawl across social media. Sooner or later, I just can’t keep my mouth shut. Thanks for reading.
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve been posting my book ICHABOD in installments, as well as chapters from UTOPIA. Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
December 11, 2018
Heavy Meta #19: Jonathan Cohen, Nietzsche, and the Place of Philosophy
In today’s installment of my ongoing podcast, Professor Jonathan Cohen joins Kelly and me to discuss his work in the field of philosophy. He has a new book out (In Nietzsche’s Footsteps), and we talk about what went into the book, who Nietzsche was, and what the place of philosophy in today’s society is. As always, a great discussion, and worth a listen.
December 10, 2018
Sunday Talk: A Season of Hope
Our church has a tendency to promote perfectionism. It’s no wonder. Christ told us to “be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect.” And to make sure we have a proper understanding of all the many different facets perfection holds, we are reminded of them week after week. Pray. Read your scriptures. Think pure thoughts. Be charitable. Don’t lie. Honor thy father and thy mother. Come to church. Magnify your calling. Minister to others. Go to the temple regularly. Do your family history. I could go on, but you get the point.
Fact. If I were to focus on one item on that laundry list of goals, I might have a shot at getting pretty good at it by the time this life is through with me. I don’t know if I’d be able to claim perfection in that one aspect, but perhaps I’d come close. The thought of becoming perfect as a whole leaves me panicked. But isn’t that what the Savior commanded us to do?
In my preparation for this talk, I came across another one given just over a year ago–one that had somehow fallen off my radar. I’m almost sure I heard it when it was first given by Elder Holland last October, but I couldn’t remember it when I read it again. It’s entitled “Be Ye Therefore Perfect–Eventually,” and I highly recommend it to any of you who might be feeling overwhelmed by the Gospel. Read it in its entirety. It’s a wonderful message that says so much of what I was feeling as I was approaching my own talk.
Of particular note is this passage. “Jesus did not intend His sermon on this subject to be a verbal hammer for battering us about our shortcomings. No, I believe He intended it to be a tribute to who and what God the Eternal Father is and what we can achieve with Him in eternity. In any case, I am grateful to know that in spite of my imperfections, at least God is perfect—that at least He is, for example, able to love His enemies, because too often, due to the “natural man” and woman in us, you and I are sometimes that enemy. How grateful I am that at least God can bless those who despitefully use Him because, without wanting or intending to do so, we all despitefully use Him sometimes. I am grateful that God is merciful and a peacemaker because I need mercy and the world needs peace. Of course, all we say of the Father’s virtues we also say of His Only Begotten Son, who lived and died unto the same perfection.”
Again, a big part of me was tempted to just stand up and read Elder Holland’s talk verbatim over the pulpit, even though it wasn’t the talk I was assigned to speak on today. I might have let it pass me by when it was first given, but it’s cemented in my memory now. Please go back and read it if you need reassurance. It’s one thing to have me stand up here and deliver a message, but to have one of the Quorum of the Twelve give a talk like that during general conference deserves not to be forgotten.
When I am overwhelmed, I often go into what I call “decision lock.” Faced with so many tasks and so much to do, I mentally go into the fetal position and sit around doing nothing instead. I might watch movies or play video games or simply stare out the window, all the while berating myself inwardly for everything I’m unable to get done.
This is antithetical to the Gospel. God doesn’t want us so depressed we give up. He wants us simply to try. Try, and He will make up the difference. That’s the amazing thing about the Atonement. President Nelson said, “You who may be momentarily disheartened, remember, life is not meant to be easy. Trials must be borne and grief endured along the way. As you remember that ‘with God nothing shall be impossible,’ know that He is your Father. You are a son or daughter created in His image, entitled through your worthiness to receive revelation to help with your righteous endeavors.”
“With God, nothing shall be impossible.” To me, that’s one of the most heartening messages I can hear. I remember on my mission feeling overwhelmed at times. So often we’d hear we were supposed to follow the Spirit in making decisions about what we were to do and when, but I worried I would do the wrong thing. What if I got the wrong message? What if I messed up and interpreted the promptings the wrong way?
If there’s one thing I learned during those two years, it’s that as long as your heart is in the right place and you’re really trying to do the right thing, God will take that energy and turn it into something positive. This doesn’t mean that you won’t put your foot in your mouth sometimes, or that you won’t have to backtrack occasionally, but if you’ve got a worthy goal and you pray for guidance on how to reach it, God will help you get there, or else He’ll get you to some place even better.
The other day my daughter was trying to write a letter. She’s five, and she had come up with this idea all on her own. I was busy doing something else at the moment, but she stayed at the kitchen table for at least an hour, asking Alexa the spelling of various words. (At some point in the past, one of my kids had taught her that Alexa will spell anything for you, and that you can just say “Alexa, repeat” to get her to say it again. And again. And again.) In any case, she was definitely showing more than a fair share of persistence.
I let her be, focused on the other things I had to get done. But when I passed through the kitchen after a while, I found her at the table, now reduced to tears. When I asked her what the matter was, she said, “I can’t do it, Dad. It’s just too hard.” Once it finally penetrated my thick skull that this was something important to her, I sat down and helped her through the project until she was happy with it.
I don’t mean to say that “With Dad, nothing is impossible,” but when it comes to writing letters, I’m pretty confident in my abilities.
As I’ve thought back on that experience, there are a couple of things I learn from it. First off, my daughter had a resource available to her the whole time that would have accomplished her task quickly and easily. (This is, of course, assuming that I was actually paying attention enough to know she really needed help when she asked me. Thankfully, we can be assured to know our Heavenly Father is always paying attention. He’s never going to absent mindedly grunt at us and hope we just wander away, though He has been known now and then to say “We’ll see” when one of His children ask him a question.)
Second, there are certainly times when the tasks I’ve chosen to tackle are far less relevant and important, in the grand scheme of things, than I might wish. I remember when I was about six or seven, my Uncle Randy came to stay with my family for a few days. He was the absolute coolest, mainly because he got up early with me and watched Saturday morning cartoons. He was the first actual adult to ever do that, and I was amazed. Afterward, I asked him why other adults didn’t do the same thing. They had all the time they wanted, why were they letting those cartoons slip past them week after week?
“Sometimes they forget,” is what he told me at the time. “It just doesn’t seem as important to them, maybe.”
I vowed then and there that I would never forget how important Saturday morning cartoons are, and yet here I am, letting countless cartoon watching opportunities slip through my fingers like so many grains of sand. Six-year-old me would be very disappointed, but the takeaway I get from that memory is that sometimes what can seem so important at one stage of our lives transforms over time until we see it for something else. When we go to God, frantic with impatience that we be helped with this or that challenge right this minute, how many of those challenges are actually just as important as Saturday morning cartoons?
As we get closer and closer to Christmas, my thoughts are increasingly drawn to the season and the meaning behind it. To me, one of the central messages of Christmas is hope. Hope that we can be forgiven of our sins and return to live with a loving Heavenly Father. That child lying in a manger is the epitome of hope in many ways, a promise yet to be fulfilled. There were years of experiences yet to be endured. Yes, we all immediately think of the obvious one that waited for Christ in Gethsemane and on the cross, but don’t forget the smaller ones so similar to those we go through ourselves each day. Making friends. Navigating your first job. Even puberty. I don’t know what a perfect adolescent life looks like, but let’s take a look at a slice of life from when He was twelve years old. It’s described in Luke 2.
41 Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the passover.
42 And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast.
43 And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it.
44 But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day’s journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance.
45 And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking him.
46 And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions.
47 And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers.
48 And when they saw him, they were amazed: and his mother said unto him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing.
49 And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father’s business?
50 And they understood not the saying which he spake unto them.
51 And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.
52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.
We give a lot of leeway for that “wist ye not that I must be about my Father’s business” statement, but I know that if I was on a trip when my son was twelve and he wandered away from the group, and it took me four days of scouring the city to find him, I’d be more than a little irate when I finally had him in tow again. Relieved, yes, but upset? Undoubtedly.
What I mean to say is I don’t think I have a full understanding of what a perfect, sinless life looks like, because if someone described that behavior to me and asked if their son had made a few mistakes in that example, I’m pretty sure I could rattle off a couple off the top of my head. I’m not trying to say Christ didn’t lead a sinless life, but rather that we typically think of Him only in his fully grown, mature state. He goes from the babe in a manger to the savior of all mankind with no stop in the middle, most of the time.
But the middle is where all of us find ourselves day in, day out, the entirety of our lives. Remember, for Jesus to increase in wisdom and stature, logic dictates He must not have been perfectly wise when he was a teenager. Somehow, He got through it, and He did it with the same tools you and I have available. Prayer. Fasting. Persistence.
He didn’t give up.
We do ourselves no favors when we simply picture the Savior in His exalted, glorified state. We lose the opportunity to relate to Him on a much more personal level. When my daughter looks at me and my ability to write, I think she has a hard time picturing me struggling to hold a crayon myself at one point.
Elder Bednar said, “There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may cry out, ‘No one knows what it is like. No one understands.’ But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne our individual burdens.”
In Elder Eyring’s talk, Try Try Try, he focuses on the importance of picking ourselves up and trying again. Of persisting, even when things seem bleakest. To me, the reason we can try try again is because we have hope.
So how do we develop hope? For that, we can turn to Mormon:
“For I judge that ye have faith in Christ because of your meekness; for if ye have not faith in him then ye are not fit to be numbered among the people of his church.
“And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?
“And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.
“Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.
“And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be meek, and lowly of heart.
“If so, his faith and hope is vain, for none is acceptable before God, save the meek and lowly in heart; and if a man be meek and lowly in heart, and confesses by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity.”
Faith, Hope, and Charity are three legs of a stool, each of them connected to each other. To improve in one, we can focus on improving any of them. The best way I can think of to illustrate this is to show how it’s worked in my own life. As I strengthen my faith, I am naturally drawn to be more obedient to the Gospel, which teaches us that we should love our neighbors as ourselves. This encourages me to strengthen the feelings of charity I have. As I am more faithful and more full of love toward others, my hope in salvation increases in turn. I live a more confident life, more secure in the knowledge that the course I am living is in line with God’s course for me.
That process is a cycle. If I focus instead on increasing the charity I feel toward others, it still increases my hope. Hope in humanity. Hope for the future. This in turn inspires me to more accurately see the influence of God in the world, which in turn increases my faith. President Eyring said, “The Lord has opportunities near you to feel and to share His love. You can pray with confidence for the Lord to lead you to love someone for Him. He answers the prayers of meek volunteers like you. You will feel the love of God for you and for the person you serve for Him. As you help children of God in their troubles, your own troubles will seem lighter. Your faith and your hope will be strengthened.”
As we help others, we help ourselves develop faith, hope, and charity. Have you ever wondered why the family is the basic building block of the church? Perhaps one of the best benefits of a family is having people to help and assist–serve–close to hand, all the time. To force ourselves to forget ourselves and help others. But because families are so constant, it can be easy to start to take them for granted. Often families are the easiest people to lose our temper with, to speak our mind even when we might be better served staying silent, and to treat abominably. You can get a lot of practice doing the things God wants you to perfect, just by spending time with your family, which is another reason why we’re asked first to try solving a problem on our own and then with the help of our family before we turn to the Church for assistance. I know sometimes we dismiss service done around the home as nothing more than self interest, but I would actually argue some of the most important service we can do in our lives takes place there as opposed to a church building, a wood project, or a soup kitchen.
But the family equation doesn’t only work the one way. As we are helping our family, our family is helping us. The decision to have a third child was not an easy one for my wife and me to make. Many things in life have come easy for me, but I couldn’t seem to reach a clear answer for this question. My biggest concern was that I would overextend myself. That I would get to a point where I just wasn’t able to give the amount of love and attention to each of my children that I felt they deserved.
This is a question that has different answers for every couple. I’m sure there are some in the audience who might be tempted to roll their eyes at someone debating whether they could handle a third child or not, as they themselves look at their football team’s worth of offspring. I only ask that you remember we all have different strengths, and I have long known that handling a large number of children would be a stretch for me.
In the end, after some rather miraculous answers to prayer, we pushed forward and had a third child, five years ago. That’s where the happily ever after is supposed to kick into the story. The answer is given, the child arrives, and it’s all smooth sailing from then on. In this case, however, the road was not so easy for me. That first year and a half were a struggle. There were many times that I felt overwhelmed. I was pushed in so many ways beyond my comfort zone. I was very grateful through all of that time that I had prayed about that decision ahead of time, and that I could fall back on the revelation I had received that it was the right course of action.
These days, of course, I wouldn’t trade my third child for the world. She’s a blessing to our lives and brings so much joy into it. But I think it’s important to remember there were perhaps more reasons to add her to our family than to simply bring another child into the world. I needed those experiences to grow in the areas God knew I was weak. It’s hard to remember that when you’re in the middle of a trial, of course. Sometimes you just have to tuck your head down and keep moving, putting all your faith in the hope that it will turn out for the best.
Christmas combines faith, hope, and charity into one united whole. Our love for others, our hope for the future, and our faith in salvation. And the best thing of all? To do better in any of these areas, all we really have to do is try. To do nothing more than want to do better and start taking steps–any steps–to do so.
As much as I love this time of year, the holidays can also make me insanely stressed. There are so many things going on at the same time. And yet year after year, I somehow look back at each December once I’m at the end of it, and it always turns out to be one of my favorite months. In some ways, I think that’s precisely because it’s difficult for me to get through, since the reason it’s difficult is I’m thinking more and more of others during that month than I am of myself.
How to bring my family closer together. How to celebrate the fun but remember the Savior. How to bring a spark of excitement and joy to the eyes of my children. It’s the same principle that makes me generally dread going to service projects before hand, and yet thoroughly enjoy myself once I’m there and afterward, when I’m headed home.
Not all of us are blessed with supportive families by birth, but I believe we can create a family around us. My closest family relations by blood are eight and a half hours away from us, down in Philadelphia. Yet when I moved to Maine, I found myself taken in and accepted by friends. I’ve built a support network around me, both inside and outside of the church, and I try to support them all the way they in turn support me.
President Eyring said, “When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.” Often it’s easy for us to look around at other people’s problems and wonder why they struggle so hard. If only our test were like their test, wouldn’t life be so much simpler? Sometimes it’s easy to forget that we’re all feeling that way. That we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that God has designed this test to be challenging for each of us. Life is a tailor made experience, not to be easy, but to be difficult. We grow stronger by facing resistance. Let us try, then, to help each other on this path.
CS Lewis said in The Weight of Glory, ““It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.”
At this Christmas time, I hope we all can look to the example of Christ and have hope for the future. May that hope blossom into faith and charity is my prayer for each of us, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
December 7, 2018
The Joys of Insomnia
[image error]Not that I really want to have two complain-y posts in a row, but my word was my sleep last night bad. I got home from High Council at 10:40, and I was starving, since I’d skipped my nightly shake. (When you’re only eating around 1,500 calories a day, and 500 of those calories come from your nightly shake, you really notice when you haven’t eaten it.)
Since I don’t think it’s healthy to just eat 1,000 calories in a day (when you’re 6’2″ and over 180, at least), I made my shake when I got home. I knew in the back of my head that I had to get up at 5:25 to take Tomas to seminary in the morning, but I also knew I wasn’t feeling tired, having just gotten out of the car after a 1.5 hour ride.
So I had my shake and then tried to convince my brain it wanted to go to sleep.
It had other plans.
I read for a while, and then it was 11:45, and I was feeling a fair bit of pressure to get to sleep, seeing as how I had to get up in less than six hours. I know my body, and I know I can make do with seven hours of sleep just fine. Six is when I start to lose some functionality. Knowing that I was already under six hours . . . it didn’t do any wonders for my ability to get to sleep, especially since I was already an hour and a half past the time I typically fall asleep.
I used to have insomnia pretty bad. Back when Tomas was a baby, I’d regularly be awake until 2am or so, just because I couldn’t fall asleep. I’ve conquered that primarily by having a regular sleep schedule, avoiding naps, and getting up each morning before 8am, no matter what (for the most part). That’s great for almost all occasions, but every now and then, I take a significant departure from my sleep schedule, and things get difficult.
Usually, it’s when I know I can sleep in a bit extra the next morning. Going to bed at midnight and knowing I can sleep until 7:30 makes a big difference. But trying to sleep when each minute that passes makes you further concerned you’re going to be exhausted the next day?
Not easy at all.
I think I finally drifted off around 1am. MC showed up in our room around . . . 2? 3? She’d had a nightmare. I woke up and couldn’t fall asleep again for another half hour or so.
Suffice it to say, I’m on the sleepy side today.
So to all you people who suffer from chronic insomnia, I just wanted to take a moment and say I remember what it’s like to be one of you, and I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Reminders like these are no fun at all.
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve been posting my book ICHABOD in installments, as well as chapters from UTOPIA. Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
December 6, 2018
Pain in the Shoulder
[image error]Back in July, give or take, I was out playing (losing at) tennis. I like to play tennis. I took a few years of lessons growing up, and it’s a fun, low-impact sport. Except I’m also competitive, and I don’t do a whole ton of physical activity. So of course, when I’m behind, I play harder.
I remember thinking, “This time, I’m really going to serve it well. Hard.” So I put all my oomph into it.
Something snapped in my shoulder. Not that it fell off or anything, but I felt it give way. It hurt some, and I knew it probably was a bad thing, but I played through the pain, and it seemed to improve.
Except it didn’t.
It came back, slowly but surely. While I was in Europe, I was driving stick, using my right hand all the time, the same hand that was attached to that shoulder. The pain got worse and worse, to the point that when I came back from Europe, it was really bad. Bad enough I wasn’t using the arm for anything. Bad enough that if I stuck it out in front of me, it wasn’t really bearable.
I had a physical therapist friend look at it, and he said he thought it was impingement syndrome. Part of the tendon was rubbing the wrong way against the shoulder bone. He gave me a few exercises to do to get over it. I did those more or less faithfully. It hurt at first, but the pain eventually subsided.
Except it’s still been there, lurking in the shadows. And here we are more than 5 months later. I finally decided it wasn’t going to go away on its own. Rather than ask a friend for a favor again, this time I went to my doctor and got an official referral.
When I showed up at my friend’s office, he kind of laughed it off, telling me we’d be able to do some more exercises, and chances were I wouldn’t have to come back again for another paid visit. Of course, then he actually did some tests. I didn’t think my shoulder was any different than my working one. But once we did those tests, I saw it’s not as flexible, and it’s not nearly as strong.
It’s got some real issues. Not serious ones, but ones that will need some work to improve. I’m glad I didn’t continue to ignore it.
So I’ve got a slew of exercises to do again, and I’ll be going back weekly for at least the next month or so. Fun times, but I’m thankful for insurance and modern medicine. Having shoulder pain isn’t fun, and I’d rather be rid of it than not.
Wish me luck.
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Like what you’ve read? Please consider supporting me on Patreon. Thanks to all my Patrons who support me! It only takes a minute or two, and then it’s automatic from there on out. I’ve been posting my book ICHABOD in installments, as well as chapters from UTOPIA. Check it out.
If you’d rather not sign up for Patreon, you can also support the site by clicking the MEMORY THIEF Amazon link on the right of the page. That will take you to Amazon, where you can buy my books or anything else. During that visit, a portion of your purchase will go to me. It won’t cost you anything extra.
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