Lisa Bennett's Blog, page 3

5 Ways to Overcome Fear

[image error]

California National Guard via Flickr

What do extraordinary survivors know about overcoming fear?

When some people encounter a daunting challenge–from a lost job, to divorce, to a sudden health crisis–they shrink into fear, self-doubt, or other diminishing emotions and seek to avoid whatever it is that appears threatening. Others

brilliantly rise to meet the challenge and, in the process, become bigger and more interesting human beings.

We all, of course, want to be the people who rise to a challenge but we don’t always succeed. Many of us don’t even know what the secret of that kind of success is. At least, it appears that I don’t, as I’ve spent the better part of my life curious about what it is that enables everyday people to respond to all kinds of situations with extraordinary courage.

Most of what I’ve learned has come directly from ordinary human beings living their lives, not thinking about how they could conjure the courage to rise to a situation but simply doing it. Far less often have I found things in books or articles that teach me what I want to know.

But here is an exception: an article by Michael Bond, entitled “The Secrets of Extraordinary Survivors”,  that appeared on the BBC this past week. Bond touches on several important elements, including the familiar ones, such as:

Telling your story,
Connecting with people,
Finding meaning, and
Developing a spiritual life.

The one that I found most striking, however, came from psychiatrist Metin Basoglu, former head of trauma studies at the Institute of Psychiatry at King’s College London, who is the co-director of The Center for Behaviour Research and Therapy, which attempts to make effective therapy available to victims in the developing world who would otherwise receive no help.

“The critical recovery process is exposure,” says Basoglu. “You confront fear and you learn to deal with it. You learn to exercise control over it, instead of letting it control you.” And once people have squared up to their fears, he adds, the changes can be astonishing.

Check out the article here.

Filed under: Befriending & Resilience Tagged: courage, fear, heroism, psychology, Recovery, resilience, Survival

Five Ways to Overcome Fear

California National Guard via Flickr

What do extraordinary survivors know about overcoming fear?

When some people encounter a daunting challenge–from a lost job, to divorce, to a sudden health crisis–they shrink into fear, self-doubt, or other diminishing emotions and seek to avoid whatever it is that appears threatening. Others

brilliantly rise to meet the challenge and, in the process, become bigger and more interesting human beings.

We all, of course, want to be the people who rise to a challenge but we don’t always succeed. Many of us don’t even know what the secret of that kind of success is. At least, it appears that I don’t, as I’ve spent the better part of my life curious about what it is that enables everyday people to respond to all kinds of situations with extraordinary courage.

Most of what I’ve learned has come directly from ordinary human beings living their lives, not thinking about how they could conjure the courage to rise to a situation but simply doing it. Far less often have I found things in books or articles that teach me what I want to know.

But here is an exception: an article by Michael Bond, entitled “The Secrets of Extraordinary Survivors”,  that appeared on the BBC this past week. Bond touches on several important elements, including the familiar ones, such as:

Telling your story,
Connecting with people,
Finding meaning, and
Developing a spiritual life.

The one that I found most striking, however, came from psychiatrist Metin Basoglu, former head of trauma studies at the Institute of Psychiatry at King’s College London, who is the co-director of The Center for Behaviour Research and Therapy, which attempts to make effective therapy available to victims in the developing world who would otherwise receive no help.

“The critical recovery process is exposure,” says Basoglu. “You confront fear and you learn to deal with it. You learn to exercise control over it, instead of letting it control you.” And once people have squared up to their fears, he adds, the changes can be astonishing.

Check out the article here.

Filed under: Love & other emotions, Resilience/Well being, The Nature of Change Tagged: courage, fear, heroism, psychology, Recovery, resilience, Survival

Extraordinary Survivors

California National Guard via Flickr

When some people encounter a daunting challenge–from a lost job, to divorce, to a sudden health crisis–they shrink into fear, self-doubt, or other diminishing emotions and seek to avoid whatever it is that appears threatening. Others brilliantly rise to meet the challenge and, in the process, become bigger and more interesting human beings.

We all, of course, want to be the people who rise to a challenge but we don’t always succeed. Many of us don’t even know what the secret of that kind of success is. At least, it appears that I don’t, as I’ve spent the better part of my life curious about what it is that enables everyday people to respond to all kinds of situations with extraordinary courage.

Most of what I’ve learned has come directly from ordinary human beings living their lives, not thinking about how they could conjure the courage to rise to a situation but simply doing it. Far less often have I found things in books or articles that teach me what I want to know.

But here is an exception: an article by Michael Bond, entitled “The Secrets of Extraordinary Survivors”,  that appeared on the BBC this past week. Bond touches on several important elements, including the familiar ones, such as: telling your story, connecting with people, finding meaning, developing a spiritual life.

The one that I found most striking, however, came from psychiatrist Metin Basoglu, former head of trauma studies at the Institute of Psychiatry at King’s College London, who is the co-director of The Center for Behaviour Research and Therapy, which attempts to make effective therapy available to victims in the developing world who would otherwise receive no help.

“The critical recovery process is exposure,” says Basoglu. “You confront fear and you learn to deal with it. You learn to exercise control over it, instead of letting it control you.” And once people have squared up to their fears, he adds, the changes can be astonishing.

I highly recommend the full article, which you can read here.

Filed under: Change, Fear, Psychology, Resilience Tagged: courage, fear, heroism, psychology, Recovery, resilience, Survival

What Extraordinary Survivors Do

California National Guard via Flickr

When some people encounter a daunting challenge–from a lost job, to divorce, to a sudden health crisis–they shrink into fear, self-doubt, or other diminishing emotions and seek to avoid whatever it is that appears threatening. Others brilliantly rise to meet the challenge and, in the process, become bigger and more interesting human beings.

We all, of course, want to be the people who rise to a challenge but we don’t always succeed. Many of us don’t even know what the secret of that kind of success is. At least, it appears that I don’t, as I’ve spent the better part of my life curious about what it is that enables everyday people to respond to all kinds of situations with extraordinary courage.

Most of what I’ve learned has come directly from ordinary human beings living their lives, not thinking about how they could conjure the courage to rise to a situation but simply doing it. Far less often have I found things in books or articles that teach me what I want to know.

But here is an exception: an article by Michael Bond, entitled “The Secrets of Extraordinary Survivors”,  that appeared on the BBC this past week. Bond touches on several important elements, including the familiar ones, such as: telling your story, connecting with people, finding meaning, developing a spiritual life.

The one that I found most striking, however, came from psychiatrist Metin Basoglu, former head of trauma studies at the Institute of Psychiatry at King’s College London, who is the co-director of The Center for Behaviour Research and Therapy, which attempts to make effective therapy available to victims in the developing world who would otherwise receive no help.

“The critical recovery process is exposure,” says Basoglu. “You confront fear and you learn to deal with it. You learn to exercise control over it, instead of letting it control you.” And once people have squared up to their fears, he adds, the changes can be astonishing.

I highly recommend the full article, which you can read here.

Filed under: Change, Fear, Psychology, Resilience Tagged: courage, fear, heroism, psychology, Recovery, resilience, Survival

Protecting Children in an Uncertain World

Someday a child might come to you and say that they are sad or scared about what is happening in the world. What do you do then?

During my son’s third grade camping trip, I stood on the side of a stream, talking to a friend while my 8-year-old played, or so I thought, by the water.

The conversation began with ordinary talk about summer plans.

She was planning a trip to see her husband’s family who, she said, seemed to have done everything possible for their children but, still, their daughters were decidedly not all right. They were cutting off from friends, cutting out of school, and the oldest was going so far as cutting herself.

We tried to make sense of how bad things happen in good families and quickly agreed that parenting is a wild and uncertain ride these days.

Even if you do everything you can to deliver on the things most people agree are important — providing kids with loving time and attention, a relatively stable home life, a good education—there are so many outside influences on children now, especially teens who are exposed to stressors from the pressure of getting into college to learning to navigate an increasingly uncertain world.

And then, there are the crazy big things, like climate change, that feel so completely beyond our control, yet at some level still make many parents and their kids anxious.

Just then, from upstream, I heard someone call, “Is that Julian?”

I looked across the water, up the cliff, and saw my child nearly at the top. He had climbed the rock face, up 50 or 60 feet high, while I, completely oblivious to what was taking in place in front of me, had talked about far more amorphous threats children face and why we need to have conversations with them about them.

Thankfully, a parent who was nearest my son quickly traversed over to him and, together, they climbed safely down, Julian never having seen any danger at all — and me more than a little humbled about what we parents can do to keep our children safe.

It’s been three years since then — and I’ve spent a good deal of that time wringing my hands about the question of how, as a parent, I can responsibly respond to something like climate change, which has worried me ever since I had children.

For a time, out of fear, I tried to inspire other people to join my bandwagon. More recently, I decided I was better off thinking about how to help children meet this coming challenge by teaching them the value of resilience, adaptability, companionship, and a spiritual life.

But much of this time, I must admit, I have wasted in a paralyzing state of overwhelm.

Recently, I confided this to John Tarrant, a Zen Buddhist teacher based in Santa Rosa, California. I said my worries about how the potential for climate change would affect my children and others — and my seeming inability to do anything of real consequence about it — felt immobilizing and, ultimately, of no use.

None of us can bear the burden of something like global warming, he said, and we shouldn’t try. It’s too big — too far beyond human scale.

But someday, he continued, a child might come to you and say that they are sad or scared about what is happening in the world, and you might say, “I understand. Here, have a cup of tea.” And that will be what you have to do.

There was a time when I would not have understood the wisdom in those simple words, but I do now. I still firmly believe we all have a moral obligation to help make the changes needed to address climate change. And I know that there is much I can do to help prepare my kids for the new realities that are likely to come their way.

But on an ordinary human scale, being truly present for the child in front of me may be the very best thing I can ever do.

A slightly revised version of this piece originally appeared on FinerMinds.

Filed under: Inspiring Social Change, Parenting in a Mixed-up World, Resilience Tagged: Buddhism, Children, climate change, environment, Parenting, Zen & Other Spiritual Insights

After You Accept You Can’t Save the World

During my son’s third grade camping trip, I stood on the side of a stream, talking to a friend while my 8-year-old played, or so I thought, by the water.

The conversation began with ordinary talk about summer plans.

She was planning a trip to see her husband’s family who, she said, seemed to have done everything possible for their children but, still, their daughters were decidedly not all right. They were cutting off from friends, cutting out of school, and the oldest was going so far as cutting herself.

We tried to make sense of how bad things happen in good families and quickly agreed that parenting is a wild and uncertain ride these days.

Even if you do everything you can to deliver on the things most people agree are important — providing kids with loving time and attention, a relatively stable home life, a good education—there are so many outside influences on children now, especially teens who are exposed to stressors from the pressure of getting into college to learning to navigate an increasingly uncertain world.

And then, there are the crazy big things, like climate change, that feel so completely beyond our control, yet at some level still make many parents and their kids anxious.

Just then, from upstream, I heard someone call, “Is that Julian?”

I looked across the water, up the cliff, and saw my child nearly at the top. He had climbed the rock face, up 50 or 60 feet high, while I, completely oblivious to what was taking in place in front of me, had talked about far more amorphous threats children face and why we need to have conversations with them about them.

Thankfully, a parent who was nearest my son quickly traversed over to him and, together, they climbed safely down, Julian never having seen any danger at all — and me more than a little humbled about what we parents can do to keep our children safe.

It’s been three years since then — and I’ve spent a good deal of that time wringing my hands about the question of how, as a parent, I can responsibly respond to something like climate change, which has worried me ever since I had children.

For a time, out of fear, I tried to inspire other people to join my bandwagon. More recently, I decided I was better off thinking about how to help children meet this coming challenge by teaching them the value of resilience, adaptability, companionship, and a spiritual life.

But much of this time, I must admit, I have wasted in a paralyzing state of overwhelm.

Recently, I confided this to John Tarrant, a Zen Buddhist teacher based in Santa Rosa, California. I said my worries about how the potential for climate change would affect my children and others — and my seeming inability to do anything of real consequence about it — felt immobilizing and, ultimately, of no use.

None of us can bear the burden of something like global warming, he said, and we shouldn’t try. It’s too big — too far beyond human scale.

But someday, he continued, a child might come to you and say that they are sad or scared about what is happening in the world, and you might say, “I understand. Here, have a cup of tea.” And that will be what you have to do.

There was a time when I would not have understood the wisdom in those simple words, but I do now. I still firmly believe we all have a moral obligation to help make the changes needed to address climate change. And I know that there is much I can do to help prepare my kids for the new realities that are likely to come their way.

But on an ordinary human scale, being truly present for the child in front of me may be the very best thing I can ever do.

This piece originally appeared on FinerMinds.

Filed under: Befriending & Resilience, How Social Change Happens, Parents & Climate Change Tagged: Buddhism, Children, climate change, environment, Parenting, Zen

What Children Need Now

What to Do When You Realize You Can’t Save the World for Your Children

During my son’s third grade camping trip, I stood on the side of a stream, talking to a friend while my 8-year-old played, or so I thought, by the water.

The conversation began with ordinary talk about summer plans.

She was planning a trip to see her husband’s family who, she said, seemed to have done everything possible for their children but, still, their daughters were decidedly not all right. They were cutting off from friends, cutting out of school, and the oldest was going so far as cutting herself.

We tried to make sense of how bad things happen in good families and quickly agreed that parenting is a wild and uncertain ride these days.

Even if you do everything you can to deliver on the things most people agree are important — providing kids with loving time and attention, a relatively stable home life, a good education—there are so many outside influences on children now, especially teens who are exposed to stressors from the pressure of getting into college to learning to navigate an increasingly uncertain world.

And then, there are the crazy big things, like climate change, that feel so completely beyond our control, yet at some level still make many parents and their kids anxious.

Just then, from upstream, I heard someone call, “Is that Julian?”

I looked across the water, up the cliff, and saw my child nearly at the top. He had climbed the rock face, up 50 or 60 feet high, while I, completely oblivious to what was taking in place in front of me, had talked about far more amorphous threats children face and why we need to have conversations with them about them.

Thankfully, a parent who was nearest my son quickly traversed over to him and, together, they climbed safely down, Julian never having seen any danger at all — and me more than a little humbled about what we parents can do to keep our children safe.

It’s been three years since then — and I’ve spent a good deal of that time wringing my hands about the question of how, as a parent, I can responsibly respond to something like climate change, which has worried me ever since I had children.

For a time, out of fear, I tried to inspire other people to join my bandwagon. More recently, I decided I was better off thinking about how to help children meet this coming challenge by teaching them the value of resilience, adaptability, companionship, and a spiritual life.

But much of this time, I must admit, I have wasted in a paralyzing state of overwhelm.

Recently, I confided this to John Tarrant, a Zen Buddhist teacher based in Santa Rosa, California. I said my worries about how the potential for climate change would affect my children and others — and my seeming inability to do anything of real consequence about it — felt immobilizing and, ultimately, of no use.

None of us can bear the burden of something like global warming, he said, and we shouldn’t try. It’s too big — too far beyond human scale.

But someday, he continued, a child might come to you and say that they are sad or scared about what is happening in the world, and you might say, “I understand. Here, have a cup of tea.” And that will be what you have to do.

There was a time when I would not have understood the wisdom in those simple words, but I do now. I still firmly believe we all have a moral obligation to help make the changes needed to address climate change. And I know that there is much I can do to help prepare my kids for the new realities that are likely to come their way.

But on an ordinary human scale, being truly present for the child in front of me may be the very best thing I can ever do.

This piece originally appeared on FinerMinds.

Filed under: Buddhism/Spirituality, Children/Parenting, Nature/Climate change Tagged: Buddhism, Children, climate change, environment, Parenting, Zen

The Most Important Thing About Parenting

 

I recently confided to John Tarrant, a Zen Buddhist teacher based in Santa Rosa, California, that some days my worries about how climate change might affect my children and others — and my seeming inability to do anything of great consequence about it — felt immobilizing and, ultimately, of no use.

His simple but wise response offered a sense of relief that has stayed with me. It also reminded me of the most important thing about parenting, whether one is thinking about climate change or any of the many challenges parents and their children confront today.

Read the whole (little) piece, published yesterday on FinerMinds.

Filed under: Children/Parenting, Climate change, Spirituality Tagged: Buddhism, Children, climate change, environment, Parenting, Zen

What Climate Activists Can Learn from Gay Rights

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Credit: Archibald Jude

A Look at the Similarities and Differences in The Movements–and Lessons Learned

The United States Supreme Court ruled today that the right to same-sex marriage is guaranteed under the U.S. Constitution.

Having spent 10 years writing about gay rights, and the past 10 years focused on climate change, I find that the tremendous success of the gay rights movement offers many lessons in how social change happens that are potentially useful to people fighting for climate action.

Of course, there are differences between the movements. Yet there are also many similarities in how Americans have responded to the issues that make the gay rights movement an intriguing model to consider.

First, the differences: 

Personal v. global: Gay rights appear to be deeply personal — about one individual’s love for another. Climate change, in contrast, appears to be a mind-bogglingly complex global issue.
Now v. the future: Gay rights have always appeared to be about right now — the desire to marry now, raise children now, be open now. Climate change, in contrast, has often been characterized as something that will occur in the future (though this too is changing.)
One clear change v. many: Gay rights has one clear clarion call — equality. Climate change, in contrast, seems to require a change in everything: the way we make things, transport things, use things, drive, power our homes, eat, and so on.

Second, the similarities: 

Denial: In the earlier days of the gay rights movement, denial of the reality of a same-sex orientation was rampant — in society, among families, and even within the hearts of many gay and lesbian people themselves. More recently, denial has played a similarly prominent role in discussions of climate change.
Fear: With Caitlyn Jenner’s recent appearance on the cover of Vanity Fair, it may be hard to recall how big a role fear once played for people coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. But prior to the radical growth in public acceptance, it played a very big role indeed. Today, climate change clearly also triggers fear reactions so profound that many people prefer not to think about it.
Debate about nature: Remember the debates about whether sexual orientation was nature or nurture, and whether a gay or lesbian orientation was “natural”? With climate change, we have seen similar debates steeped in confusion about natural changes in the climate v. human-induced changes created by the burning of fossil fuels.
Shaming and stereotyping: Once upon a time, the shaming and stereotyping of gay and lesbian people was quite simply horrific. Growing acceptance has diminished this phenomenon in many (albeit not all) quarters. But similar techniques have surfaced in climate discussions, with those who work for climate action having often been labeled “doom-and-gloomers.”
Silencing: The act of “coming out” as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is an indication of how powerful the dynamic of silencing or being “in the closet” once was. In anticipation of negative judgments and worse, it seemed for many a natural way to protect themselves. In recent years, even people who care deeply about climate change have told me they don’t bring the topic up to strangers and family members because of similar negative expectations.

Third, the strategies: So in the face of all these challenges, what did the gay rights movement do to become the most successful model of social change in modern American history? Or to put it another way, how did those fighting for gay rights shift their own language and behavior to effectively win over the minds and hearts of so many?

Brilliant legal strategies, grassroots activism, and political acumen clearly had much to do with it. But I would like to highlight seven simpler points:

They encouraged people to talk about it.
They cultivated community.
They had a simple message.
They told personal–and inclusive–stories.
They shattered stereotypes.
They focused on individual, heartfelt human values Americans could get behind (like equality, freedom, and love.)
They stayed positive.

These are all strategies, I believe, that are useful for those communicating about climate action. But perhaps an even simpler way of thinking about what we can learn from the success of the gay rights movement is this: Remember the three perceived differences between the movements I mentioned above? Perhaps they are not so different after all but, in fact, point the way to how to grow acceptance of the need for climate action, namely:

1. Use the deeply personal. Far from an abstraction, climate change is about my kid, your kid, the farmer, the old man with asthma, the single mom whose house was destroyed.

2. Focus on right now. Now is the moment to act — for our health, our children, all living beings, and, yes, future generations.

3. Express one clear message. In the gay rights movement, like other civil rights movement, the demand came down to one word: equality. What if that is what climate change comes down to, as well: the equal right of every human being to enjoy the abundance of natural world, and the equal responsibility of everyone of us to ensure that they do.

For more, see my article on this topic in The Daily Beast and my talk at The Garrison Institute, both of which I drew on for this post.

This posted originally appeared on  The Huffington Post.

Filed under: How Social Change Happens, Parents & Climate Change Tagged: climate change, communications, gay rights, global warming, social change, social movements, Writing

Three Lessons Climate Activists Can Learn from Gay Rights

Credit: Archibald Jude

A Look at the Similarities and Differences in The Movements–and Lessons Learned

The United States Supreme Court ruled today that the right to same-sex marriage is guaranteed under the U.S. Constitution.

Having spent 10 years writing about gay rights, and the past 10 years focused on climate change, I find that the tremendous success of the gay rights movement offers many lessons in how social change happens that are potentially useful to people fighting for climate action.

Of course, there are differences between the movements. Yet there are also many similarities in how Americans have responded to the issues that make the gay rights movement an intriguing model to consider.

First, the differences: 

Personal v. global: Gay rights appear to be deeply personal — about one individual’s love for another. Climate change, in contrast, appears to be a mind-bogglingly complex global issue.
Now v. the future: Gay rights have always appeared to be about right now — the desire to marry now, raise children now, be open now. Climate change, in contrast, has often been characterized as something that will occur in the future (though this too is changing.)
One clear change v. many: Gay rights has one clear clarion call — equality. Climate change, in contrast, seems to require a change in everything: the way we make things, transport things, use things, drive, power our homes, eat, and so on.

Second, the similarities: 

Denial: In the earlier days of the gay rights movement, denial of the reality of a same-sex orientation was rampant — in society, among families, and even within the hearts of many gay and lesbian people themselves. More recently, denial has played a similarly prominent role in discussions of climate change.
Fear: With Caitlyn Jenner’s recent appearance on the cover of Vanity Fair, it may be hard to recall how big a role fear once played for people coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. But prior to the radical growth in public acceptance, it played a very big role indeed. Today, climate change clearly also triggers fear reactions so profound that many people prefer not to think about it.
Debate about nature: Remember the debates about whether sexual orientation was nature or nurture, and whether a gay or lesbian orientation was “natural”? With climate change, we have seen similar debates steeped in confusion about natural changes in the climate v. human-induced changes created by the burning of fossil fuels.
Shaming and stereotyping: Once upon a time, the shaming and stereotyping of gay and lesbian people was quite simply horrific. Growing acceptance has diminished this phenomenon in many (albeit not all) quarters. But similar techniques have surfaced in climate discussions, with those who work for climate action having often been labeled “doom-and-gloomers.”
Silencing: The act of “coming out” as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is an indication of how powerful the dynamic of silencing or being “in the closet” once was. In anticipation of negative judgments and worse, it seemed for many a natural way to protect themselves. In recent years, even people who care deeply about climate change have told me they don’t bring the topic up to strangers and family members because of similar negative expectations.

Third, the strategies: So in the face of all these challenges, what did the gay rights movement do to become the most successful model of social change in modern American history? Or to put it another way, how did those fighting for gay rights shift their own language and behavior to effectively win over the minds and hearts of so many?

Brilliant legal strategies, grassroots activism, and political acumen clearly had much to do with it. But I would like to highlight seven simpler points:

They encouraged people to talk about it.
They cultivated community.
They had a simple message.
They told personal–and inclusive–stories.
They shattered stereotypes.
They focused on individual, heartfelt human values Americans could get behind (like equality, freedom, and love.)
They stayed positive.

These are all strategies, I believe, that are useful for those communicating about climate action. But perhaps an even simpler way of thinking about what we can learn from the success of the gay rights movement is this: Remember the three perceived differences between the movements I mentioned above? Perhaps they are not so different after all but, in fact, point the way to how to grow acceptance of the need for climate action, namely:

1. Use the deeply personal. Far from an abstraction, climate change is about my kid, your kid, the farmer, the old man with asthma, the single mom whose house was destroyed.

2. Focus on right now. Now is the moment to act — for our health, our children, all living beings, and, yes, future generations.

3. Express one clear message. In the gay rights movement, like other civil rights movement, the demand came down to one word: equality. What if that is what climate change comes down to, as well: the equal right of every human being to enjoy the abundance of natural world, and the equal responsibility of everyone of us to ensure that they do.

For more, see my article on this topic in The Daily Beast and my talk at The Garrison Institute, both of which I drew on for this post.

This posted originally appeared on  The Huffington Post.

Filed under: Nature/Climate change, The Nature of Change Tagged: climate change, communications, gay rights, global warming, social change, social movements, writing