Bathroom Readers' Institute's Blog, page 175
March 3, 2013
CONTEST! Guess the Number Uncle John Just Thought Of! [updated]
BREAKING: UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM READER IS HAVING A CONTEST!!! ENTER AND YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY WIN STUFF!!!
Alrighty then. First, here’s a picture of what this contest might look like if it were humanly possible to render such a complex thing into one image:
I think we’ve seen enough!
Moving right along:
GUESS THE NUMBER UNCLE JOHN JUST THOUGHT OF Contest Rules
1. Uncle John just thought of a whole number between 0 (zero!) and 100 (one hundred!). We’ve saved that number in Uncle John’s super-secret super-safe safe. (It’s a tissue box. It’s in his bathroom.) Your job: Gather all your psychic abilities into one tremendous bundle of other-worldly communication potentialities and determine exactly what that number is! Or better yet, just guess.
2. Tell us the number you have chosen in a comment below. (One entry per person. Two per giraffe. But giraffes have to submit their entries in person.)
4. The five people who come THE CLOSEST to the number Uncle John picked will win ONE (1!) Uncle John Bathroom Reader books of their choosing. (Yeehaw!)
5. The person the VERY CLOSEST to the number Uncle John picked will win TWO (2!) books of their choosing. (Bazinga!)
6. The submitter who guesses THE EXACT NUMBER (gasp!) that Uncle John picked will win FIVE (5!) books of their choosing. (Holy mackeral! It’s like Christmas and your birthday and Hungarian Goulash Appreciation Day all rolled into one! ‘Cept without the goulash.)
IMPORTANT NOTES:
• U.S. residents only. (You would not believe how complex and legally treacherous international laws are regarding simple contests like this. We are very sorry to our international fans for this.)
• UPDATE: WHOLE NUMBERS ONLY! NO DECIMALS! (Note: This update was added just minutes after the contest was posted.)
• You have three days to enter! Entries will be taken until midnight on Wednesday, March 6, 2013!
• Winners will be announced on Thursday!
• Tell your friends! Spread the word!
• You cannot enter on FaceBook or Twitter! You have to submit your entry here!
READY SET GO!
AND GOOD LUCK!
• Contest image from right over this-a-way.
March 2, 2013
A Kick-in-the-Pants Note From a Fan
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Via private message on FaceBook, yesterday:
Oof, Carrie C., what a story. Sad—but with a happy ending! Hooray! It is so thoughtful of you to take the time to send us that note. We are truly touched. Thank you more than we can say – truly.
P.S. We asked Carrie exactly how she uses the Kindle to accommodate her impaired vision. We thought we’d pass it on in case it can help anybody else out there:
Yes – I can adjust the font size as large as I need it, depending on my vision that day. I have a real weird eye disease, the closest thing that people would know is macular degeneration. I see things slightly skewed as well. Most days I read on my kindle with the soft beige background always, and the font is either the 3rd largest, or the 2nd largest if I’m having what I call a bad eye day.
Thanks again, Carrie! Happy reading!
—Uncle John the entire crack staff at the BRI
P.S. We were going to start off our reply by saying, “Hold on…there’s something in our eyes…”—but it was too funny seemed inappropriate…
March 1, 2013
Nurse Posts Corpse Pics on FaceBook
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Introducing Nurse Wretched, from “One Flew Over the STOOPID’s Nest”:
GENEVA (AFP) – A nurse in Switzerland who posted pictures of herself on Facebook sitting next to the corpse of an old woman came under fire Friday from her profession, as prosecutors said they had launched an investigation.
The Swiss national nurses’ federation said in a statement it was “shocked and saddened” by the actions of the nurse from the eastern city of Saint Gallen.
Saint Gallen’s regional prosecutors said they were considering a criminal investigation into the nurse, whom they did not name.
On a related note: Keep your eye on TipTopJob.com for news about nursing jobs in Saint Gallen, Switzerland! An opportunity might just be waiting for you…soon!
February 27, 2013
TV Host Faints While Talking About the Importance of Oxygen
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Wow! Talk about reality television!
We bring you the Coation kids’ show, “School Hour”:
Note that the very last thing she says is, “Without it, we, ehhhh…” [crash]
According to this report, the host, Zlata Muck, is three months pregnant, and after being taken to the hospital was reported as being okay – thank goodness!
February 26, 2013
An Odd Holiday: National Public Sleeping Day
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Grab your pillows: National Public Sleeping Day is just around the corner, on February 28th. How to celebrate: take a nap in public. That’s it. The dubious, obscure holiday dates all the way back to 2011, and ever since bloggers and news organizations have used it to discuss sleep health issues, or use it as an excuse to run a cheeky photo of their boss napping while on the clock.
Even if it was created by a bored college student or an overworked office drone (its origins are murky), maybe Public Sleeping Day should become a nationally recognized holiday. Given our hectic lifestyles, more and more Americans are having a hard time getting a good night’s rest. Now, some people can get by on only a few hours a sleep a night. (If you have a newborn baby, you know this all too well.) According to one estimate, babies can cause their parents to lose between 400 and 750 hours of sleep during their first year alone. In his 2010 autobiography, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards boasted that he once managed to go nine days without sleep.
A guy named Randy Gardner holds the scientifically documented record for the longest stint of sleeplessness. He managed to stay awake for 264 hours (around 11 days) in 1964. Meanwhile, Guinness World Records claims that the real record stands at 449 hours (which works out to 18 days, 17 hours). It was set in 1977 in England by a woman named Maureen Weston, who supposedly managed to stay awake that long during a “rocking chair marathon.”
But for those of us without these superhuman powers, sleep deprivation can cause some very real problems. A 2012 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that as many as 40 million workers in the U.S. get fewer than six hours of sleep a night, significantly less than the seven to nine recommended by the National Sleep Foundation. That’s a big concern, especially considering that an estimated 20% of vehicular crashes in the U.S. are caused by drowsiness. Not getting enough sleep can also cause health issues like depression and lead to occupational injuries.
So when your boss finds you napping at your desk on the 28th, be sure to tell him you’re celebrating a national holiday for the good health of both yourself and America.
February 25, 2013
YouTube FTW: Schoolhouse Rock Meets Star Wars [updated]
UPDATE March 1, 2013: One of our readers pointed out to us that the very end of the video has a sort-of not-kid-friendly interjection! We had missed that somehow! We just found a clean version and replaced it! Thank you Chris G.!
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From the Twitter feed of Jeri Ryan—behold the awesome:
For those who need it: Schoolhouse Rock!
February 24, 2013
Mustache Quotes
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Since there’s nothing on TV tonight, we thought you might like a couple mustache quotes:
That’s from UJ’s Fully Loaded 25th Anniversay Bathroom Reader, page 552. (See what you’re missing?!)
Totally related and very weird bonus: Mustache transplants on the rise in the Middle East.
That is all. Good night!
February 22, 2013
GOLDEN PLUNGER AWARD: Girl’s OOPSY! Hair-Curling Video Goes Viral
Oh man, this is just painful to watch—we woudn’t even be posting it except for the fact that she had the guts to post it herself—and it’s topped 2 million views in just a couple days!
Oh the poor darling. The look on her face…is so dang funny! (Sorry!)
Good on ya, Tori Locklear! We are very pleased to present you with an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader GOLDEN PLUNGER AWARD for outstanding performance of something—anything, really—in a bathroom. Congratulations!
More on Mashable.
Update: She’s even set up a FaceBook page. And she was on the “Today” show. When life gives you lemons…
February 21, 2013
Aussie Weatherman Passes Out in Stunt Plane on Live TV
This is so funny. Note: He doesn’t puke. Even though it seems like he’s about to.
He says, “I want to see how long I can last at 8G. I want to know if I’m as tough as Matt Hall.” (Matt Hall is the pilot.)
“Oh cut! We don’t want to see!” Too much. Afterwards he said, “My whole body just started to feel all warm and cosy.” And he had no idea he’d passed out.
