S. Smith's Blog, page 32

Frustration, Forgiveness, and Possibly False Accusations

Forgiveness Mandala by Wayne Stratz (Photo credit: Nutmeg Designs)

Okay, I have to just do this. For my sanity. To get the remainder of my day back on track. And I promise to recant if I should ever find my accusation is false.

I woke up this morning with great intentions. After a cleaning frenzy over the weekend and finishing up working through college applications with my son, I was finally going to have some time for myself; time to work on “book stuff,” and writing. The first thing on my list was to get up a new blog post. Here’s something I need to change about blogging: I need to do it directly on the computer, not write in notebooks first. That way I don’t have 42 half-written notebooks lying indiscriminately around my house. And I don’t lose things.And maybe my posts actually make it to publication. But I digress.  So I have the various rough drafts lying about, ideas scrawled here and there, etc. This morning I was going to get back to one on forgiveness and tidy it up and get it posted before its timeliness expired…not that forgiveness ever expires, but there were some seasonal references. Anyway, so I go to find the draft and it’s not anywhere. I checked through all 42 notebooks, the pile next to the bed, all the regular places. Then I started to get suspicious. I had mentioned this post last week to my seventeen-year-old son. I hadn’t mentioned that it was about struggling with forgiveness, only that his twenty-year-old (away at college) sister had upset me and I was going to blog about it. As I continued to search and search for the notebook where the post has been written, I started to wonder if Child #2 has found my draft and destroyed it. Yes, I did. So much so that if you had driven past my house early this morning you would have seen a middle-aged woman in a red nightgown going through her recycle bin. I knew, of course, that if he actually was the culprit, my work would most likely be ashes in the ash bin, as we keep a wood stove burning for heat all day long. In fact, didn’t I see some suspicious papers in there, not burning well, just the other day? Now that I think about it, what was my son really doing hiding in my bedroom closet two days ago? He claimed he had been putting my shoes away and the sliding door had fallen off it’s track.  And then there was the time recently when he was suddenly very interested in my the storyline of my current book. “Say, Mom, you haven’t written in your book for awhile have you?” And then he started going on and on offering me ideas. That was strange.  And there obviously were pages torn out of the notebook…

I wish I could say that I discovered the secret Facebook account my children share and caught them red-handed, discussing the nefarious activities of destroying my draft, but no such luck. In fact, I admit there is only about a 25% chance that any of this really happened.  My son is so disorganized he often still leaves his lunch (that I prepare for him) sitting on the counter. The idea that he would go looking for a post I mentioned a few times and destroy it is pretty far-fetched. He’s a writer, too, after all.  How could he do something like that? And, honestly, why would he care that much? Still, there is the aforementioned suspicious behavior and the admonitions not to post about my anger at Child #1. (“No one wants to read about you complaining about your children, Mom.”)  Maybe not.  But sometimes we just need to get things out of our systems in order to move on.

And nothing is as frustrating as searching over and over for something and NOT FINDING IT.  So in order to salvage my day, I had to blog about the missing post.  Unfortunately,this one is not about forgiveness. It’s about frustration, unwieldy suspicions, and the need to move ahead. And he is probably right: no one wants to read about it. Forgive me.

*DISCLAIMER:  I do hereby promise to post an apology to Child #2 in the event that I ever find the piece on forgiveness.

And the lucky winner is . . .

Strawberry Ice Cream Cone (Photo credit: TheCulinaryGeek)

Like a snowball careening downhill increasing in size every second, so the Powerball jackpot grows, far surpassing the former record of $365 million. And with every news bulletin we hear, many of us ponder what we would do with 425 million dollars. Seriously, would you even want $425 million? Wouldn’t one million or half a million be enough–more than enough? If I had 425 million dollars, I could give a million dollars to everyone I know and still have money left over (I know what that says about my social life, but really, I don’t even have 400 facebook friends). Well, so it got me thinking about whether or not I was a lucky winner. At first I didn’t think so. You know, especially compared to my mom or my sister-in-law. My mom used to win a ham every time she walked into Albertson’s. Okay, I exaggerate, but you know what I mean. If there was a door prize, the green star was always on her place setting. My sister-in-law is much the same way.  Fortunately, I’ve sometimes been the beneficiary of some of the not-used gifts. So I thought about my own winnings. I once had my question chosen by the radio d.j.s on a local morning show, netting $103 worth of lottery scratch tickets. Now, you can look at that as $103 value, or you can look at my actual dollars after scratching: $33; either way, it’s something. Then I recalled my most valuable prize ever, won earlier this year: a new i-Pad 2.  (I got that with $20 worth of raffle tickets from a school fundraiser.) Then there were the season tickets to the Theatre, capital T.  Oh, and I did win one of those “packages” at another school fundraiser, consisting of, among other things, a TENT, and a multitude of other camping/gardening supplies.

I like to sign up for all the “freebies” at state fairs (that’s where I won the Theatre tickets), but I can only do that if I’m with the kids.  My husband is very wary about signing up for “free” things. “You’re just going to get on someone’s mailing list,” he complains.  And so I generally don’t indulge when he’s along.  He does have a point; some people are just scamming you.  I remember a time, back when we were really poor (okay, so a lot like now ), getting a phone call offering me to get in the drawing for a new car.  I was pretty excited–an answer to prayer? We could really use a new car. But first I had to answer a few qualifying questions. I answered the questions and then to my devastation, was told I did not qualify.  What? How can I not “qualify” to win a new car? The guy said we did not make enough money. I was momentarily speechless. “We are too poor to qualify to win a new car?” I asked in disbelief, totally crestfallen. “But we really need a new car.  Why would somebody making a lot of money need to win a new car?” I asked.  It was the caller’s turn to be speechless.  I don’t recall any more than that, but I probably put a damper on his day, and I was left sad and disillusioned.

But we needn’t dwell on the bad elements. How about you, if you really think about it, I bet you can come up with a bunch of stuff you’ve won.  A door prize at a family reunion, an ice cream cone at the state fair.  Some stuff costs a little money up front, some is totally free. Oh yeah, back in the 1980s I won a free ticket to Disneyland (I think it was the 35th anniversary and I was standing in the right place in line.)  So dig deep, think about it.  What have you won, whether totally free or from a raffle or lottery? And will you play Powerball this time around?

Good luck.

CYBER MONDAY FREEBIE

Just a short little promotional post today. I didn’t get this out ahead of time, because it’s my first time trying it and I wasn’t sure how, or if, it would work…

Anyway, the listing seems to have gone through, so here goes: CYBER MONDAY FREEBIE!!!!  If you haven’t tried Book 1 (Treasure) in the Seed Savers Series yet, it is available for a free download on Kindle or Kindle apps today.

The Long-Awaited Lily

Reblogged from Anakalian Whims:

Well, it felt like a long time, because I was so anxious for it.  In reality, Smith is quite the efficient authoress.

Title: Seed Savers Volume 2 “Lily”

Author: S. Smith

I read the first installment of Seed Savers early this last summer. I loved it. I was so excited to find a new “undiscovered” young adult author and immediately…

Read more… 284 more words

Review out on Book 2 of the Seed Savers Series! (Seed Savers: Lily)

Seed Savers Book 2 Update

I am happy to announce that Seed Savers, book 2, Lily is on its way! It will be available soon both in paperback and kindle versions. In Lily, we find out what really happened to Ana and what Lily does after she discovers Clare and Dante have left town. GRIM becomes more personal, and Lily learns a family secret that changes her life.

I will be running special sales prices for both Treasure and Lily at different times during the holiday season, as well as a book giveaway at Goodreads and some free ebook days. Since I haven’t yet determined the dates, please sign up at the tab on the right to receive the newsletter (Newsletter Signup Form). This will not be an email clogging situation; I will simply use the newsletter to let folks know when new books are available and when there are special deals (and probably about any upcoming book tours).  So if you don’t want to miss out, please sign up today.  (That’s about as pushy as I’m going to get).  Remember, if you are in my area, the best place to buy my books is from me.

Book 1, Treasure, is also getting a makeover. If you haven’t already seen this on my website, here is the new cover (available in a couple of weeks).

As always, I’d love to hear from you.  And good luck to everyone participating in nanowrimo!

Postscript, GMOs

This came my way this morning. If you’re so inclined, give it a watch; make of it what you will. In the end, we all have to decide who we are going to believe.

Click here: genetic roulette movie

–S.

Proposition 37, Carrots, and Audience

Bugs Bunny as seen in The Looney Tunes Show. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recently, I received a note  from a friend  in California who had just finished reading Seed Savers. I was glad to learn she enjoyed the book, and, I’ll admit, somewhat surprised when she continued, saying, “There is a proposition on the CA ballot regarding genetically modified foods. Supporting information speaks of Monsanto’s control of seeds. I would have missed that had we not had our special visit at your home.”  I’d been hearing a little about Proposition 37, seeing postings on Facebook, etc., so I decided it was time to look into this ballot measure, even though I’m not a Californian.  I’ll get back to my findings on Prop 37 later on in the blog, but of interest to me was how friends frequently come across snippets, videos, blogs, etc., and send them my way with a note saying, “This reminded me of you/your book.”  This is all lovely and wonderful, and the various responses to the book show just how much each audience sees what it wants to see.  Many adults who read Seed Savers describe it as political: “a novel on politics of food production” (Willamette Woman, Sept/Oct 2012).  I see it as an homage to good food.

I grew up on a farm—mostly berries, but we also raised our own beef, had a milk cow, grew a little wheat, hay, nuts.  We also grew all our own fruits and vegetables: apples, plums, cherries, corn, peas, etc. , and put it up for the winter.  As I gaze far back into my childhood memories, I recognize certain moments as “firsts of summer.”  One of those events was the pulling of the first carrot, squirting it with water from the garden hose, and munching away on it, pretending to be Bugs Bunny.  “Ehh, what’s up, Doc?”  The earthy smell, the touch of dirt, soil, if you prefer, still in the crevices.  That memory of myself—four or five years old, barefoot, crunching with strong teeth on an unpeeled and oft-times misshapen carrot—lingers.  I’ve read that some kids don’t recognize vegetables in their true form anymore.  To me, that’s what my book is about: keeping alive our ability to know what our food is, where it comes from–beyond the grocery store shelves.  (I talk more about my inspiration for Seed Savers: Treasure here.)

Besides infusing Seed Savers with the basics of how food comes from plants, and going on a bit about my favorite summer fresh food (peaches!), I’ve included another beloved childhood memory, the freedom of bicycles. (This goes to audience, I assure you. ) The first thing my daughter said upon finishing the book was not, “It’s a little too scary,” or “Food politics?”, but “I want to ride my bike to Canada!”  Kids totally get into the adventure.  They like the “bad guy” element, the smart kids, the “What will happen next?” Despite the adults who come away from Seed Savers thinking about big government, food security, GMOs, etc., (and I’m in no way denying that it is in there), the kids don’t get that. When the book was recently reviewed on a kid book review blog, it was the adult commenters who wrote that the theme was close to reality, a little scary because it might happen, etc.  Audience.

But back to Prop 37, the California measure that would put mandatory labeling on all food containing genetically engineered materials. As I peruse the “yes” material and the “no” material, one little phrase sticks in my mind: follow the money. And this is where it leads: 45 million in opposition, with the biggest contributors being the same companies who bring us the engineered seeds and chemicals—MONSANTO right at the top. (In favor, about 8 million). My understanding is that a lot of the “vote no” advertisements insist it will cost people money.  Always question an argument based on purported financial impact. It is our weakness, and it’s usually not true.  Follow the money.  Some people rant that other people are not reading the actual text of the measure.  I read it.  The only thing that bothers me at all is the definition of “processed food.”  But it isn’t such a big deal as to vote no for the measure, in my opinion. It’s a label, folks.  Labels already includes the calories, sodium, good fats, bad fats (believe me, after my husband’s recent health issues, I’m reading them), etc.  Including GMOs is a no-brainer.  Except …

Except, what if people didn’t want to eat their corn breakfast cereal every morning anymore, not knowing the long-term effects of GMOs, since we only started eating this stuff, what, in the 1990s? Somebody would lose money.  And I don’t think it would be the consumer.

Follow the money.

Guilty

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English: An image of an iPad 2. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s been almost a month since my last post.  And I’m feeling guilty. And I’m not sure how I feel about feeling guilty.  Should I care? Does anybody care?

I could tell you my reasons for the abrupt hiatus of the past few weeks: My husband’s sudden and unexpected quadruple by-pass heart surgery; working on meeting a self-imposed release date for my next book; a tendency toward perfectionism, resulting in blog drafts that never make it to posts . . . Those things, though real, aren’t the whole truth, however.  The truth (or some part of the truth) is that I spent a lot of time finding just the right photos for my last blog posting.  I worked really hard on it, spent a lot of  time at it.  And then like a big baby, not enough people showed up to the party and I felt bad about it.  Upset, maybe unloved.  It’s true, what I’ve seen other bloggers admit happened to me: I got drawn into keeping track of views and likes and comments.  And for whatever reason, my blog about the big trees didn’t get much attention.  Then, all of the weeks of stressing over blogging caught up with me and I declared to no one in particular that I didn’t really need to blog. It’s stressful for this introvert to put what I formerly wrote in secret journals out into the wide world.  And if I wasn’t being appreciated, why put myself through the stress? I threw in the proverbial towel.

So what brings me back?  And why should I feel guilty?  Real questions I’m this second trying to answer.

I believe part of the reason I’m coming back is the addiction of wanting to know I’ve had some views–but honestly–I’ve been doing well in getting away from the constant checking.  Part of the guilt, I think, is when I stare at the small number that represents my followers and feel like maybe I’ve betrayed them.  It’s possible that no one really cares, but even if just one person cares, yes, reason enough for guilt.  I don’t want to be just another abandoned blog.  And finally, these past couple of weeks as I’ve given up a lot of my own time to care for my husband, I’ve been too tired to sit at the computer, and instead lie on the couch with my iPad, reading my RSS feeds and WordPress reader, catching up with other bloggers.  I’ve especially enjoyed The Green Study lately. Sometimes I read every comment and then check out the commenters’ blogs as well.  Whether or not any of you know I’m there, silently attending to your conversations, I am.  I’m enjoying all of you.

And maybe that’s part of the guilt.  It feels like I’m not doing my part; not contributing.

So, I’m sorry.

And, I’m back.

Fellowship

“It seemed to them that they did little but eat and drink and rest, and walk among the trees; and it was enough.” (J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring)

I spent the weekend in an old-growth forest in mountains not far from the Pacific Ocean. It’s a place where the trees are tall and very big around, and moss hangs in blankets. Both blue and red huckleberries were in season, and I discovered I have a preference for the red.

I didn’t take many pictures, because sometimes you realize it’s pointless–like trying to catch the brilliance of a full moon or a beautiful sunset.  Some things are just too large, too majestic (so here I’ve borrowed photos from the camp’s facebook page).

Back up in there, at Drift Creek Camp, my church meets for one weekend of the year.  A lot of people in the congregation didn’t attend.  The beds aren’t comfortable, the road is long and windy, September is a busy month.  Yes, all of these things are true, and there have been years I have used one or more of those excuses to stay home.  But I’m always so glad when I go.  I normally carry up a box of paperwork to work on, but the box always remains untouched.

I always walk among the trees.  There’s even a trail hike called “hike to the giants”–giant trees, that is.  I walk the trail to the creek and rest beside the clear and sparkling water.  I breathe in air so fresh it feels as new as the day itself.

The children run around outside when the weather is fine.  The older folks sit in the lodge reading or talking.  Cups of tea, coffee, and hot cocoa are scattered about. We line up for mealtimes at the tinkling of a bell and sing our grace in good Mennonite style, grateful not to worry about food preparation for a day or two.

Someone turns to me smiling, “It seems all we do is eat.”

That same night, on my crinkly camp bed, I read the line from Tolkien.  It is a summation of the weekend.

“It seemed to them that they did little but eat and drink and rest, and walk among the trees; and it was enough.”

Indeed. It is enough.

 

 

 

 

 

Are You a Willamette Woman?

Today’s blog is especially for local readers.   I want to tell you a little about Willamette Woman, a magazine for women in the mid-Willamette Valley here in western Oregon.  You can read more about Willamette Woman here.

If you haven’t yet had the pleasure of viewing a copy, regular features include fashion, book reviews, travel, home and garden, and more, with a special spotlight for each issue.  The July/August issue, for example, featured local women and their extreme pastimes; the September/October issue features local authors.

As an author, it was a pleasure to read about five other authors in my area:  Jennifer Fields, Naseem Rakha, Colette Tennant, Devon Monk, and Elisabeth Naughton.  Also exciting for me was the concise review of Seed Savers: Treasure on page 8, off the shelf.  Three additional local women authors whose books were reviewed were Julie Starr Hook, Roxanne Livingston, and Sara Wiseman.

If you haven’t gotten your copy of Willamette Woman yet, I urge you to do so; I picked mine up at the Statesman Journal office.  It’s really wonderful to see the great things others in our community are doing.

You can also visit Willamette Woman on facebook.

And as always, support your local bookstores (and authors!)