Jonas David's Blog, page 10

Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre

If you don’t want to be uncomfortably aware of your own existence–the heat of your breath, the presence of your tongue against your teeth, the weight of your hand resting on your thigh, the stickiness of your eyes, all of this, constant and inescapable–then possibly, avoid this book.

The story takes the form of a ‘found journal’ featuring the writings of an Antoine Roquentin, who one day is suddenly overcome with a vivid perception and hyper-awareness of his own existence, and the existence of everything around him. He is disgusted by this, and terms this feeling, when it comes over him, as ‘the nausea.’

It may seem bizarre, at first, to be sickened by existence. But, we hardly are conscious of the existence of anything at all, most the time. The chair you are sitting in is invisible, non-existent until just now when I mentioned it, and it popped into your reality. Your toes in your shoes, your left knee, your right earlobe–all are consciously non-existent 95% of the time.

There is a lot more to the story than that, and it is extremely well written, unsettling, and strange. It also got me a bit interested in reading about existentialism. I think those kind of ideas could have a positive effect on my writing.

A short and very powerful read. Recommended.

Dead authors

I noticed today that all my favorite authors are dead. Then I noticed that almost everything I read at all is written by someone dead.

I decided to do a count, and in the past 3 years (counting back from today) I’ve read something like 95 books, and only 19 of them (by 16 authors) were written by people still alive today. And most of those living are in their 70’s or 80’s.

What does this mean? Well, probably that you have to be dead for a while before your book will be widely read, in most cases. Or maybe it’s that lately I like to read older books. Or maybe, my taste leans toward an older style? I don’t know.

So rarely have I looked forward to the release of a new book, because almost always the author I’m reading is gone. But, it hardly matters. There is so much that I haven’t read, that I’ll be able to keep discovering ‘new’ authors (who are already dead) for years and years to come.

The Melancholy of Resistance, by László Krasznahorkai

The second book I’ve read by this author (the other being Satantango) and written in a similar style. The rarely ending wall of text sucks you in to the overwhelming story-line and crushes you into nothingness by the end.

The story describes a small town in Hungary that is visited by a circus, and the ensuing chaos this triggers. The most impressive thing to me, was the level of destruction described. Not just the destruction of the town, but the destruction of the personalities and minds of the characters. In one moment the characters (most of them) go from seeing the world as an intrinsically beautiful and mysterious place, to seeing it as pure chaos where only strength rules. Only those characters who were already cynical and power hungry are able to use the chaos to seize control. This book seems to capture reality very well.

The more I read about history, the more I look at our current world, the more I realize that justice is a myth, ‘love triumphs’ is a myth, ‘the truth will set you free’ is a myth, ‘karma’ is a myth, ‘history will prove us right’ is a myth. Evil is rewarded over and over and over, by power, riches, and immortality. All the stories we tell ourselves about good defeating evil are nothing but false hope sold to us by that same evil. There is nothing and no one coming to save us, never has been. There are no heroes beyond metaphorical ones, fictional ones, or ineffectual ones. The only hope, perhaps, is to stop putting our faith and trust in individuals, and start acting as a collective. The strong few will always control the weak many, unless those many act as one.

2020 books catch up

I’ve read a bunch of books this year that I haven’t written about. I have fallen far behind on the blogging train, so I’ll try to catch up. Though it’s been weeks or months in most cases, I’ll try to remember my thoughts on each of the books I’ve read this year that I haven’t yet mentioned:

Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

There is a certain kind of book which I really enjoy, and always makes me chuckle. These kinds of books are about social misfits, narcissists, losers, incompetents, etc, who somehow have convinced themselves that they are above everyone else, and that the world is to blame for their failings. Notes from Underground is definitely one of these, though, as with all Dostoyevsky books I’ve read, it has a pure heart with good intentions at its core. A quick and enjoyable read.

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson

I forgot how much I loved Jackson and now I want to buy all the rest of her novels. Jackson is the master of subtle eeriness, and this story really highlights her ability to make the most mundane things terrifying. It also makes it pretty clear to me that she was a social recluse and agoraphobic. I loved this book almost as much as The Haunting of Hill House, and if you read my comparison of that book to the Netflix series, you’ll know that I love subtle, understated creepiness so much more than in your face screams. This book was unnerving on the same level, but in its own unique way. Another quick read, very highly recommended.

The Turn of the Screw by Henry James

Despite the overwrought and pretentiously obscure language, this one still managed to be pretty dang creepy. The story follows a Governess who is taking care of two small children while their father, and master of the house, is away. It’s a typical haunted house story (perhaps atypical in it’s time, first published in 1898) featuring ghosts staring from afar or standing outside windows, but the way in which it is described is very emotional and unsettling. Enjoyable, but I’m glad it was short, some of the language was off-putting for me.

The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea, by Yukio Mishima

Another stunning masterpiece by someone fast becoming a favorite author. As with his other books it was disturbing, unnerving, upsetting, while at the same time being painfully beautiful. This story follows a widow’s love affair with a sailor, and its effect on her thirteen year old son. There are layers upon layers of metaphor and allusion in this story, yet it manages to stay tight and focused and powerful. The end left me out of breath and spinning with thoughts, I think this might be a perfectly constructed novel, and one of my favorites in a long time.

The Woman in the Dunes, by Kobo Abe

My first read by this author and I will likely seek out more. The story follows an entomologist who becomes lost in a desert, and finds himself trapped in a hole in the sand, with a woman who lives in a house at the bottom of the hole. They are forced to constantly dig out sand to keep the house from becoming buried. The novel is quite surreal like this, but very identifiable and human. A quick, engaging, and strange read.

2666 by Roberto Bolaño

One of the longest books I’ve read in my adult life, but it didn’t feel like it. This sprawling masterpiece covers a range of topics that all are tangentially connected, and circling one specific area and topic. It starts with a group of literary critics obsessed with a mysterious author, then moves on to a university professor, and expert on the same author, who seems to be slowly losing his mind amid a violent background, to a series of murders, and finally about the mysterious author himself. All intertwined, yet distinct, and every one of the 900 pages is stunning in its beauty and impact. A one of a kind read.

I feel like I’ve read very few books this year, looking back, but this year especially has been hard to focus.

Stay tuned for more, I won’t let the world hold me back any more!

Writing, how does that work?

I’m having a lot of trouble writing lately. The thing is, I just have no headspace for it. First the virus, and lockdowns, and now a million videos of horrible police brutality, constantly, one after the other, everywhere, and finding out disgusting opinions of the people all around me… it’s hard to focus! Very hard! I’m having trouble even reading.

But you know what? At least I’m not having trouble living. The police aren’t murdering me. I still have everything, and more, that I had at the start of the year.

All I have to complain about is a strain on my mental health.

And that is something to be extremely grateful for.

This has never been a political blog, but, we can’t just stop talking about everything that happens to be labeled ‘political.’ Especially in this grand country of America that manages to politicize everything, even wearing a mask during a pandemic.

So, guess what, black lives matter. And if you have trouble saying that, you might want to stop and consider why. It needs to be heard by our black brothers and sisters across the world, because they sure aren’t feeling like their lives matter, and historically, they have been treated like they don’t matter.

So stand up and let them know they do matter. Every voice helps.

Agatha Christie books

I have watched hundreds of hours of mystery TV shows. I’ve seen every episode of the original 7 seasons of Columbo at least 4 times. Every episode of Murder She Wrote at least twice, every Episode of Poirot, Marple, Rosemary & Thyme, Father Brown, Sherlock Holmes, Hetty Wainthrop, Death in Paradise, most of Midsummer Murders, and many, many more.

But for some reason, I’ve read very few mystery novels. In fact, the only one I can think of reading as an adult is Murder on the Orient Express, which I read 7 or 8 years ago.

Well, that is going to change! I’ve read 7 books in quarantine so far, and 3 of them were Agatha Christie mysteries. You may wonder why I’d want to read a Poirot or Marple book when I’ve seen every one of them on TV. One reason is that I have a terrible memory. The other reasons are due to the great skill of Agatha Christie.

I read The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, The ABC Murders, and At Bertrams Hotel. Two of them, I was fairly sure I knew what would happen as I read them (having seen the TV versions) yet that did little to detract from my enjoyment. This is because Christie doesn’t write thrillers or page-turners, where the whole point of reading it is to race to the end to find out what happens. Of course, there is much appeal in finding out what happens at the end, and each one had a very satisfying ending where everything snapped into place, but that’s not ALL there is to them.

These books are full of well-crafted, interesting, and unique characters, whose conversations and thoughts are a joy to read, even if you aren’t thinking about the mystery. And most of these books are conversations. There are no fistfights, car chases, leaps off buildings or gun battles, and most of the murders happen off screen. It can be fun to try to guess at the mystery, but it’s not the only way to enjoy these books. You can take notes, analyze clues, or you can just sit back and enjoy the characters and interactions, knowing it will all be revealed in the final pages.

They are very relaxing reads, because you don’t have to think much about anything, just enjoy. Yet there is enough substance to them to entertain many different kinds of readers. Recommended for anyone who enjoys mysteries, but not so much action. I plan to read them all, eventually!

Spring Snow by Yukio Mishima

I couldn’t go one chapter in this book without at some point putting the book down to think about how beautiful it was. There are so many perfectly captured moments of beauty, describing both nature and humanity alike, that it’s difficult to express how impressive reading this was to me. The only compare for beautiful prose, in my opinion would be Woolf’s To The Lighthouse, or The Peregrine by J.A. Baker.

However, along with that beauty came a subtle repulsiveness that slowly built below the surface. As the story reached its climax, the character’s obsession with an idealized beauty seemed really to be an idolization of death and the unattainable.

I was left with an off-putting feeling in the end, like I’d been staring admiringly at some beautiful stranger napping on a park bench, only to find out later that they’d been dead for hours.

Highly recommended.

Picard, Episode 2: Have these people even seen TNG?

I’d love to ask the writers of this show what their favorite part about The Next Generation was. For me it was the show’s optimism, and the sense of unity between the characters. Never, that I remember, was interpersonal conflict a focus of the plot on The Next Generation. Everyone treated each other with kindness and respect, and trust. This was Gene Roddenberry’s optimistic vision of our future, one where we all work together and work to understand each other and help each other.

Watching Picard, I feel like he’s traveled back in time, and instead of being in the 24th century he’s maybe in the early 22nd century with humans still hating each other and fighting about everything, war, espionage, backstabbing. The federation is a xenophobic mess, the media are still spin doctor assholes. Everything is too familiar.

Despite their claims in some interviews I’ve seen, I don’t think the show-runners actually watched much TNG. The number of times they’ve already referenced Earl Grey tea, you’d think it’s the only thing they know about Picard. He’s just a walking teabag to them. Star Trek = tea, the borg, Data, and I guess war? Because I can already tell that’s coming.

I haven’t actually talked about the content of this episode, because it’s boring. The show opens with the androids (synthetics) destroying Mars. I felt like I was watching Dr Who with the goofy/flashy way they portrayed it. It also took me about 20 minutes into the episode to realize this was a flashback and not a new uprising of synthetics. There was literally no point to the scene except that they feel they need to have explosions and violence on screen at regular intervals.

Then we get a 15 minute long scene of technobabble and swiping at fancy floating screens so that Picard can figure out Data’s Daughter (ugh) is off-world. This information could have been conveyed in 30 seconds. That she is off-world is supposed to be a WOW shocking revelation. More evidence that the show creators have never watched Star Trek. Am I supposed to be surprised that someone is not on Earth?

Picard tries politely to request the use of a ship so he can go find Data v2, but the Federation, which is now composed entirely of assholes, yells at him and calls him a pathetic old man.

I am so bored and irritated at this point that I put on an episode of TNG instead.

I came back later to finish it, and there are borgs and Data’s daughter is being spied on, her lover is actually a bad guy, there’s some nefarious plot and I just don’t care.

The Orville is still the best Star Trek currently on TV.

I may give this one more episode, but probably I’ll be rewatching and writing about TNG instead. That is the kind of show our messed up world needs today. An inspiring, hopeful vision of a future I actually want to live in.

Picard: Episode 1 – Dare I hope that this won’t be a complete embarrassment?

After the complete disaster of Star Trek: Discovery, in which no one trekked or discovered, but only waged war, I have not dared to hope for any enjoyable Star Trek experience again. This generation has come to know Star Trek as a war/action franchise, and so it seems highly unlikely that any show or movie that doesn’t involve blowing up ships with torpedoes or running around having kick-fights with fearsome looking aliens would ever be green-lit by anyone wanting to make money.

But, this show seems to be trying. Despite the huge weight of all the recent movies and series crying for constant action and battle, it is trying. Picard is an old, peaceful man living on a farm. He is back to being the original peace seeking diplomat Picard, who looked to any possible alternative before violence.

And Picard is OLD. One of my big fears for this show is that we’d be subjected to the same embarrassing agony we were in the new Star Wars when we had to watch an ancient Harrison Ford running around in the same exact clothes he wore in the original movies, shooting monsters with a blaster and punching people. Picard, thankfully, acts his age. He can barely make it up a flight of stairs without losing his breath. He hides under a table when shots are fired. It’s realistic. What a relief. I’m still 90% sure we’ll be subjected to a scene where the camera pans up on him in his old uniform from TNG for some contrived reason, and the comm badge on his chest will glint and he’ll say ‘engage’ with a knowing grin. But for now, he’s just an old guy who used to be head of a ship, and it’s great.

This show does try to be original, but, it’s Star Trek, and there are all kinds of Star Trek things they have to put a magnifying glass over so we don’t forget it’s Star Trek. This episode made me feel like I was watching an original idea, except that every now and then some really excited guy would run into the scene and say ‘Hey, remember earl grey tea? Picard drinks that! Remember? Hey! Remember number one? Remember that? Remember TNG? Remember Data? Hey! Hey! Remember??”

And there are hints of MUCH more of this to come. I will try to avoid spoilers, but the final scene left me sighing and groaning at the completely predictable and tired direction they might go. There is also hints at bringing back characters that have been dead for 20 years. Please don’t. Just don’t. But, as we’ve learned from Star Wars, no one’s ever really gone if you can make money by digging them out of the grave.

The good news: There were only two action scenes in this episode, and one of them was genuinely entertaining. Almost all the rest of the episode was just dialogue and Patrick Stewart being an amazing actor (so much so that he made the other actors seem bad, which does kind of drag the show down). This kind of show tends to feel a huge amount of pressure to open with a bang, and if this episode was their ‘bang’ then I have some optimism for the future episodes.

This episode hinted at many, many stupid directions the show could take, but I have hope. I was convinced I’d watch the first episode, be completely irritated, and give up. But I actually want to watch the next episode. Even if it does go stupid, as long as I keep getting these great scenes with Patrick Stewart, I might keep watching anyway.

There is hope…

Picard: Episode 1 – Dare I hope that this won't be a complete embarrassment?

After the complete disaster of Star Trek: Discovery, in which no one trekked or discovered, but only waged war, I have not dared to hope for any enjoyable Star Trek experience again. This generation has come to know Star Trek as a war/action franchise, and so it seems highly unlikely that any show or movie that doesn’t involve blowing up ships with torpedoes or running around having kick-fights with fearsome looking aliens would ever be green-lit by anyone wanting to make money.

But, this show seems to be trying. Despite the huge weight of all the recent movies and series crying for constant action and battle, it is trying. Picard is an old, peaceful man living on a farm. He is back to being the original peace seeking diplomat Picard, who looked to any possible alternative before violence.

And Picard is OLD. One of my big fears for this show is that we’d be subjected to the same embarrassing agony we were in the new Star Wars when we had to watch an ancient Harrison Ford running around in the same exact clothes he wore in the original movies, shooting monsters with a blaster and punching people. Picard, thankfully, acts his age. He can barely make it up a flight of stairs without losing his breath. He hides under a table when shots are fired. It’s realistic. What a relief. I’m still 90% sure we’ll be subjected to a scene where the camera pans up on him in his old uniform from TNG for some contrived reason, and the comm badge on his chest will glint and he’ll say ‘engage’ with a knowing grin. But for now, he’s just an old guy who used to be head of a ship, and it’s great.

This show does try to be original, but, it’s Star Trek, and there are all kinds of Star Trek things they have to put a magnifying glass over so we don’t forget it’s Star Trek. This episode made me feel like I was watching an original idea, except that every now and then some really excited guy would run into the scene and say ‘Hey, remember earl grey tea? Picard drinks that! Remember? Hey! Remember number one? Remember that? Remember TNG? Remember Data? Hey! Hey! Remember??”

And there are hints of MUCH more of this to come. I will try to avoid spoilers, but the final scene left me sighing and groaning at the completely predictable and tired direction they might go. There is also hints at bringing back characters that have been dead for 20 years. Please don’t. Just don’t. But, as we’ve learned from Star Wars, no one’s ever really gone if you can make money by digging them out of the grave.

The good news: There were only two action scenes in this episode, and one of them was genuinely entertaining. Almost all the rest of the episode was just dialogue and Patrick Stewart being an amazing actor (so much so that he made the other actors seem bad, which does kind of drag the show down). This kind of show tends to feel a huge amount of pressure to open with a bang, and if this episode was their ‘bang’ then I have some optimism for the future episodes.

This episode hinted at many, many stupid directions the show could take, but I have hope. I was convinced I’d watch the first episode, be completely irritated, and give up. But I actually want to watch the next episode. Even if it does go stupid, as long as I keep getting these great scenes with Patrick Stewart, I might keep watching anyway.

There is hope…