Ray Daley's Blog, page 37

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Part 11, Dalek Sec, Human/Hybrid Dalek

Leader of The Cult Of Skaro. All cult leaders are crazy, case in point, this nutter bastard right here. So crazy he merged a perfectly good Dalek with a mere human.

Only someone forgot to tell him, it’s been done before. Pioneer? My arse!

Someone might want to tell Sec to Google “Arthur Stengos”.

Sec might look cool in his killer suit, but he be crazy.

Likely to look like cross between Mars Attacks and Predator.

Likely to make you into a Pig Slave.

Unlikely to send flowers to the theatre where you work.

Extremely likely to try and take Manhatten. And not give it back.

A bit like your library books. If Daleks read books. But they don’t. No hands, see?

Unlikely to care what you think. Being tall, pretty and Scottish won’t distract him.

If you see him, kick him in the bollocks. Because human weakness is helpful.

Avoid! Half human, half dalek – all bastard.

Celebrating the life of a wonderful writer

I’m blinking the tears back on this one, literally.

So Terry Pratchett is dead.

As someone who has been reading his work for over 25 years that’s going to be a bit difficult to take on board.

I found my first Discworld book in a discount book shop in the High Wycombe indoor shopping centre in about 1991, I think. I know I hadn’t been stationed there long, I’d gone into the city on one of my rare days off, desperate to find something to do to occupy my mind.

So you’ll have no idea how overjoyed I was to find a bookshop. And one that sold cheap books, too! I bought The Colour Of Magic there, it cost me about 2 pounds, it was paperback though. I bought it because I liked the Josh Kirby cover, and the blurb sounded like my kind of thing.

I read it all the same day. I actually got back on the bus, went back into the city and bought two more books by Terry. And I’ve never looked back from there. loyally buying each new release since about 4 or 5 yrs ago as my finances no longer allowed for it.

And now he’s gone.

He’ll never get to see “CSI Ankh Morpork” come to fruition. I’ll never get to collaberate with him as a fellow writer.

The closest I came to that was emailing his agent, asking for permission to use the word Vurglesplat in a short I was writing.

That “short” ended up becoming the longest story I’ve ever written. It’s in my Anthology on Amazon, if you want to buy it and read it.

We might have physically lost Terry, but we still have his books, his characters, his ideas. His dreams.

And my desire to be a writer was part of that dream, Terry was one of the many people I found inspiration from.

Let’s not mourn his death, instead let’s celebrate his life.

He ain’t dead. He’s just not holding our hands any more. So let’s run like mad, because he’d want us to.

And now I have to go cry.�� Scuse me.

Two current issues

And they are:-

1) Writing anything at all.

2) Finishing stuff.

That speaks for itself really.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Part 14 Special Weapons Dalek, Imperial Dalek

Finally, civil war between Daleks erupts and who is there as the muscle, to back up Davros in his silly white golf ball? None other than the Special Weapons Dalek.

Forget all others, this Dalek is harder than nails. He’s harder than rock. Shine on, you crazy diamond!

While all others are happily exterminating stuff with their eggwhisks, this Dalek will be blowing the ever loving CRAP out of everything it sees that isn’t an Imperial Dalek or helpful to their cause.

Likely to make the police think the IRA are bombing London.

Unlikely to be aware of the word bastard. Despite being one.

This Dalek is definitely white & gold. Not blue & black.

The best place to be is behind this Dalek. Several miles behind it.

Preferably round a corner. Made of reinforced concrete. Even then you might not be safe.

Avoid like it’s a dress you don’t care about.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Part 9 Supreme Controller, black Dalek.

As you’d might come to expect from a species of complete power freaks, they love titles. This is the Supreme Controller, otherwise known as the Black Dalek.

Daleks can be pretty racist, for a species that prides itself on purity. There will be no white Daleks until the Dalek civil war starts and Davros decides he wants to take back the power that is rightfully his.

This is when the classic Daleks tell him “You’ve got no legs, why the hell should we listen to you? Piss off!”

As you do. If you’re a Dalek.

This Dalek likes to think he’s in charge. That’s actually the Dalek Emperor’s job. This Dalek is in charge of nothing. Well, maybe all the other mobile Daleks who aren’t nailed to the floor for being complete bastards.

Basically they all just humour him and actually carry on doing whatever the hell they feel like, once he’s buggered off out of the room. “Oh look, it’s Gary, the Black Dalek. Just say ‘Yes sir!’ and he’ll leave us alone.” This is probably happening everywhere this��Dalek goes.

If any other Dalek attacks you, tell them Gary sent you. They’ll fuck RIGHT off.

Likely to ask you to go exterminate things, planets, people, small dogs, etc.

Unlikely to ask for a promotion to Emperor.

Avoid like he’s trying to do a survey.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Part 13, the Paradigm Daleks.

These guys decided the Ironsides Dalek wasn’t pure enough. So they exterminated him. Now you’ve got to admit, even by Dalek standards that’s a pretty bastardly thing to do to a fellow member of your own race.

“Dude, you’re green. We don’t like you!“ ZAP! Deader than disco.

Like a Bennetton advert these Daleks come in several different colours, so they can’t be accused of being racist. No-one said you couldn’t accuse them of being complete bastards though, did they?

Likely to be fat and chunky, won’t be taken in by Jammy Dodgers. Unlikely to serve you tea, or like your bow tie.

They won’t care if you’re ginger either.

Like all cowards, they travel in a group. Attack the one that talks the most first.

Using a Spitfire is NOT recommended. Fatter than Churchill.

Avoid. Blow their ship up, if possible. Do not buy in toy form.

No more fighting

Just got done writing a highly enjoyable piece of fic based on Red Riding Hood (with my usual SF twist, of course) which weighs in at 1300 words. I really had fun writing it. Once I got the idea, it just caught me so much I had to write the whole thing straight away.

What a difference from the story I started yesterday and fought with for over four hours, not finding an actual ending, only to come up with a resolution once I was in bed (which I had to handwrite & type up this morning). If you can’t write an ending, write a resolution, which is the next best thing.

For after all, we have revisions and editing in which to fix it.

Emergency Wedding List

A friend mentioned on Facebook that she needed to write an “Wedding Emergency List”.

My brain came up with this, for starters.

A) Wine.

B) More wine, in case A) runs out.

C) Chocolate.

D) Chocolate flavoured wine. If this doesn’t exist, invent it.

E) The phone number of the most sensible person you know.

F) Tissues, for crying into.

G) Wine scented tissues, for when A) & B) run out.

H) A friend, someone who won’t tell you your bum looks big in that dress.

I) Someone to marry, your personal choice of gender. Well, it is a wedding, right?

J) Shoes you can’t walk in. Well, it is a wedding, right?

K) A venue half the “friends” can’t easily reach. It’s your big day, fuck them, right?

L) An annoying child who’ll slide across the dancefloor at exactly the wrong moment, probably knocking your mum over.

M) A responsible adult to slap said child.

N) Cake. What’s a wedding without cake?

O) Parents, unless you’re eloping or they’re dead. Else proxy parents.

P) Alcohol. Something to blame all your mistakes of the day on. The perfect patsy.

Playing with The Doctor

“Everyone inside!”

“Listen stranger, there are 380 million people on this planet. And you’re suggesting we all get inside that tiny blue shed? Who are you, some kind of mad man?”

“That tiny blue shed is a TARDIS. Gallifreyan technology. By the look on your face, you’ve already heard of us? Good! Because I’m The Doctor, and I’m definitely a mad man with a box. Now everyone, get inside! Nobody dies today, because I say so!”

Apparently 3 novels?

So, after doing an inventory on my various “stuff” in the “to do” folder I knew there was at least one novel.

Maybe two, at most. There are actually three.

These three don’t include The Invisible Knight novel I started late into my RAF career that’s possibly somewhere in my room.

It might be in the room. I’m not 100% sure.

So what is there, actually?

A YA title. An SF title about the last 2 people. An SF/Horror/Survival title about a group surviving a crisis.

I don’t want to disclose titles or any more than I have as above.

3 potential novels though. Makes you think, doesn’t it?