M.C. Lewis's Blog, page 3
December 6, 2012
The boys are back in town for the lighting of the White House Christmas Tree–NOT!
The glorious celebration of the Christmas tree lighting in Washington always presents a challenge to Jack and Bob: how to find a bar away from the tourists. The Old Ebbitt might be crowded later on, but right now, they have Grant’s bar all to themselves:
Jack looked concerned: “Bob, where did you go? We were starting to get worried.”
“The weather turned. I got cold and went south.” Bob signaled the bartender to bring another round.
“Are you crazy? You’ve been gone almost a month. You’ve missed so much, you will never catch up. Those lunatics in your association are going to can you if they find out.”
“Relax. I didn’t miss anything. Nothing happened. After the election, they drag the carcasses of the defeated off the battlefield and bury the dead. Then we have a protracted period in which the winners gloat and the losers show remorse, consider mutiny, then begin to eat their young. If you think it amounts to anything, you can exhaust yourself trying to keep up. But this isn’t my first rodeo.”
“So, leave town?” Jack leaned in. “What about all the maneuvering to change jobs? When you can help push someone up the ladder with a well timed phone call or email—make them a friend forever? You pass on that?” He shook his head. “What did you do down there?”
“Rest. Get in shape.” Bob eyed Jack as he drained the last of his drink. “Listen, I know I missed the hors d’oeuvres. But there is going to be a legislative buffet for the next year or so that will take care of my outstanding bar bill and maybe even put something in my 401k.”
“A buffet? What are you talking about?” Jack picked a peanut out of the snack bowl and ate it.
Evan came into the bar, climbed on a stool and pointed at the Bass Ale tap while Bob was talking. The bartender nodded back.
“…Tax law changes, spending bills. Fiscal cliff hysteria. I’m thinking a Superstorm Sandy Emergency Supplemental Appropriations bill.”
“Wait a second.” Evan shook his head. “I don’t know where the hell you’ve been, and I know I’ve missed something, but what does Superstorm Sandy have to do with your group?”
“Not a blessed thing.”
Evan frowned. “That’s a legitimate emergency, you know. Those people are really hurting. Even Jack couldn’t spin a connection with your group.”
The bartender placed napkins in front of them and lined up their drinks.
“Of course people are hurting.” Bob scowled back at Evan. “And that means there will be large pockets in the legislation that we can stuff with complicated goodies for the rest of us. Of course, that emergency bill may be months away. Right now, we have this fiscal cliff.” He paused, unable to suppress a smile. “Don’t you love it?”
“Ok. I get it.” Jack nodded. “Tax hikes, spending cuts, all in the form of a convoluted Christmas tree. Lots of goodies. Little provisions we can hang on it. But I don’t exactly see how that can that help that group of criminals you represent.”
“Putting aside that it is really none of your business, let’s say, hypothetically, we have a little problem with the agency that regulates us. They are somewhat confused on a couple of things and tend to misinterpret—you get the idea. A sentence or two is all we need. We slip it in the bill, which only a handful of staffers will read–”
Evan put down his beer mid sip. “No way.”
“Yes way.” Bob nodded, smiling broadly now.
“It must be over. Here they come.” He looked over Evan’s head to see shivering, rosy cheeked tourists streaming through the tall brass doors in the front of the Old Ebbitt. “I’ll get the check”
*For more adventures of Jack, Bob and Evan, check out my novel Spin Doctor. Spin Doctor makes an excellent Christmas gift for the political junkie! Available in paperback and Kindle at Amazon.
Filed under: 2012 Election Tagged: Christmas, fiscal cliff, lighting, Sandy, spending, superstorm, taxes, Washington, White House Christmas Tree
November 1, 2012
Tick Tock: Predictions Please!
We are coming down to the wire. There is still time for a surprise or two. Gallup? Rasmussen? ABC-Washington Post- NYT -CBS … They’re all over the map. But come on, you know you have an opinion. Time to show your cards:
Filed under: 2012 Election, Spin Doctor, White House Tagged: election day, gallup, GOP2012, Obama, politics, Romney, romney campaign
October 22, 2012
October 16, 2012
Bob and Jack Missing; Possible sighting near Hofstra (Pls Tweet if you spot them)
Apparently there is a bar near Hofstra called the Dizzy Lizard. They aren’t answering their cell phones. I expected this of Bob. In fact, I thought Bob might accidentally go to Detroit to watch the Yankees. But Jack? Not sure how he’s going to spin this.
Filed under: 2012 Election, campaign tactics, Spin Doctor, White House Tagged: debate, dizzy lizard, Obama, Romney, romney campaign, yankees
October 11, 2012
Predictions on the VP Debate: Bob and Jack are Back
Jack pushed open the door of the bar and squinted into the dark until he saw Bob. “Why aren’t you at the Old Ebbitt? I’ve been to half the bars in town looking for you. Are you coming over to Evan’s tonight to watch the debate?”
Bob watched him approach. “The debate? What about the game?”
“We have that covered. Two TVs. Side by side.”
“Can I have the remotes?”
“No. And, Evan said not negotiable.”
Bob nodded thoughtfully.”I guess we know who will win anyway, since it’s all in Spin Doctor.”
Jack dragged a bar stool into position and sat next to Bob. “By the way, I have to hand it to you. You nailed it. Watching with the sound off may be one of your best ideas yet.”
Bob shrugged. “You seem surprised.”
“I thought you were just looking for an excuse to hang out in a bar.”
“Right. Like I need an excuse.”
“Okay, smart guy. What about the VP debate?”
“You tell me. You’re the Spin Doctor, after all.”
“I think we go with the sound off again” Jack waved at the bartender and ordered a Bass Aie.
Bob nodded. “But not because of the visuals. It is possible that listening to this debate, without proper medication, could induce drowsiness.”
“So you don’t think Biden will implode?”
Bob shook his head. “Biden is over rated as an entertainment. He knows how to woo an audience, that’s all. Sometimes he gets caught by another audience that thought he loved them more.”
“What are you talking about? He’s married.”
“Funny. Ha ha. You know what I mean. He can talk to the Economic Club of Chicago and the Brotherhood of Baggage Handlers and they both will think he’s their guy. Then, they see the news and find out he has a multiple personality disorder.”
“Exactly. And it will be great!”
The bartender slid the bottle of beer in front of Jack, no glass, and another drink in front of Bob.
Bob went on:“No. Think. Tonight the audience is everybody. Tonight he will be buttoned down and buttoned up. No gaffes, no shooting from the lip. Just get out of the debate alive with no headlines. He can’t move the needle so–just don’t blow it.”
Jack blinked at him. “No. I don’t think so. He has absolutely nothing to lose tonight. He’ll swing for the fences. Hold up Big Bird’s lifeless body. He is going to go for the jugular, be the defender of the President. Even if he goes over the line, he’s not going to lose votes. But, he might energize the base. Right now, the air is coming out of the base. Turnout will be everything.”
“So what are you saying? You have too many metaphors. I can’t follow.”
“Abortion. The women have fled the ticket. This is no time for sweet talk. Immigration, another base issue. And then, a blend of economics aimed at black voters.”
Bob’s pinkish eyes widened. “The race card?”
“Not saying they will play it. But they might accidentally drop it on the table then quickly pick it up.”
Bob stirred the ice cubes in his glass with the bar straw.
“What do you think?”
“Does Evan have any Glen Fiddich or should I bring my own?”
Filed under: 2012 Election, campaign tactics, Spin Doctor Tagged: Biden, Big Bird, debate, Obama, Obama running mate, Paul Ryan, politics, polls, Romney, romney campaign, Running Mate, Vice President, VP
October 3, 2012
Debate Advice from Jack and Bob: Look, Don’t Listen!
I know the debate could not possibly be as eventful as the one in Spin Doctor. However, I asked a couple of characters to give us a report on it:
Jack pushed his way through the tourists at the Old Ebbitt toward the bar in the back, where he was surprised to see Bob, already at the bar. “I thought M.C. asked you to go to Colorado for the debate. What are you doing here?”
Bob shifted on the barstool. “I’m supposed to watch the debate, right? So I can do that here.”
“No, you are supposed to be there. In person.” Jack slid onto the stool next to him, waived at the bartender and pointed to the Heineken tap.
Bob shook his head. “First of all, the people in the room will have no idea what is going on. They will talk to each other, squint at the stage, strain to hear over the applause that isn’t supposed to happen.” He took a sip of an amber drink in a short glass. “If you want to know what happens, you have to watch TV.”
The bartender placed a napkin in front of Jack and set the beer on it. When he went back to the other end of the bar, Jack went on: “Well you aren’t going to try to watch it here, are you? I mean it isn’t noisy, but you won’t be able to hear a word they say.”
“Exactly. If I watched it at home, I would be tempted to listen. But that’s a mistake.”
“No. Seriousy. You can come over to Evan’s condo. We are going to get some beer and watch it there.”
“No. Thanks anyway.” Bob waved his empty glass at the bartender, who nodded back. “Besides, you two will probably make a drinking game out of the word “deficit” or “fiscal cliff.” You really can tell what’s going on better with the sound off. It’s visual. It doesn’t matter what they say. It’s how they react.”
“Really.”
“Stop saying that. I’m not kidding. Remember the Lloyd Bentsen-Dan Quayle moment? It wasn’t what he said as much as Quayle’s reaction. And Bush the Elder, when he looked at his watch. Visual. Didn’t say a word.”
“That was ages ago. Don’t you think voters are more sophisticated now? “
“Maybe. But it’s still about what your eyes take in. If you hear the words, it’s hard to concentrate on the visuals.”
“I’m starting to believe you are serious. What about the last election?”
“Easy. The debate was a draw. Amiable old guy versus smooth young guy. Bush the younger won both of his, but not on words. Gore and Kerry struck some voters as condescending. Like they were talking to a group of naughty five year olds. And remember Gore’s sighs? And those Reagan moments they keep playing in a loop? You can tell without the sound that he nailed those lines.”
“I still think M.C. wanted you to go to Colorado.”
“Look, nothing like what happens in Spin Doctor is going to happen in this debate. I’m not going to another time zone. Also, the air is thin. And it’s not like I’m going to find anything out in those spin rooms. I can tell you what they’re going to say before the debate starts.”
“Plus, there is no bar in the auditorium.”
“I very much doubt it.”
Filed under: 2012 Election, campaign tactics, Spin Doctor, White House Tagged: colorado, dan quayle, debate, Debates, lloyd bentsen, Obama, old ebbitt, Presidential Debates, Romney, spin, spin room
September 27, 2012
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September 14, 2012
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