Wendell Affield's Blog, page 2
June 26, 2021
Coming Soon
Its been a long haul since the first discoveries in 2010 after my mother died. Later this summer “BARBARA, Uncharted Course Through Borderline Personality Disorder” will be in bookstores and available on-line.
Here is an excerpt, “From the Author.”
Two years ago, I thought I was close to completion on my BARBARA story, but an amazing thing happened. After seventy years of not knowing who my biological father was, I discovered my paternal biological family. Overnight I suddenly had six new siblings who proved to be accepting and loving—six new siblings who opened their lives to a stranger. I felt compelled—with their blessing—to add Part III to my mother Barbara’s story.
August 11, 2020, would have been Barbara’s (1920-2010) one hundredth birthday. I’d like her take on this story. I’ve come to realize that her greatest life-long dread was a deep fear of abandonment. Though unfounded, that fear, through the decades, created enormous obstacles in her relationship with her parents, grandparents, and husbands. I offer the following information so you might better understand Barbara’s struggle.
From the early 1940s onward, my grandmother Elsie wrote that her daughter Barbara was schizophrenic. The “diagnosis” was not correct. Did Elsie use the term to dramatize Barbara’s mental disorder? About fifteen years ago, as I began my research, I studied literature about schizophrenia because I knew if I were to tell Barbara’s story, I needed to understand the ghosts that haunted her. As I studied schizophrenia, the term “borderline personality disorder” (BPD) kept popping up.
In 1938, the American psychoanalyst Adolph Stern first used the term “borderline” to describe a group of patients who were on the border of psychosis and neurosis, or possibly mild schizophrenia—words my grandmother often used in her diaries and her mental health journals.
After much research and sharing Barbara’s history with mental health experts, I’ve concluded that, had Barbara been evaluated, she might have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, an abnormal brain condition that has tormented humans for thousands of years, but was not recognized as a mental disorder until 1980.
Today mental health experts recognize that emotional invalidation during early childhood—usually by the parents—is a factor in the development of BPD. Elsie was not supportive of Barbara and favored her second daughter, who, in fact, was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1945.
In the early 1930s, the mental health field did not recognize borderline personality disorder, and doctors were unprepared to deal with Barbara’s issues as they began to reveal themselves as she moved into adolescence.
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November 2, 2020
Every Veteran Has A Story
Did you catch my recent article in the Beltrami County Historical Society newsletter? Read below!
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October 4, 2020
Food surplus from canceled school hot lunch programs leads to discount for area food shelf
On a Sunday morning not long ago, our minister asked what gifts our church family can share with others. For many years Patti and I have volunteered at Bemidji Community Food Shelf (BCFS). A gift I share with others: Thanks to my thirty years’ experience in the meat industry, I often help make meat purchases. This past week, Mary, BCFS Director, asked if I could find turkeys for Thanksgiving—200 cases. I made a few calls and learned that because of the Covid situation turkeys are in short supply and very expensive; wholesale cost $1.59 lb., which is way beyond our limited budget.
Going down my list of contacts, I called a company that I began doing business with almost forty years ago. The sales representative offered me an incredible deal: 203 cases of turkey breasts at .69 lb., a total savings of $6,243. They had been ordered for school lunches but because of Covid restrictions, the schools decided not to do hot lunches and the meat company had to sell the turkeys. This purchase is a great blessing for those in Bemidji area who shop the Food Shelf. Luekens Village Foods has offered to store the turkeys for us, another huge blessing because we don’t have the room in the Food Shelf freezers.
It’s hard to believe that we are already shopping for the holiday food supply. Because of Covid and increased unemployment, Bemidji Community Food Shelf has been very busy this past nine months and our funds are stretched. We now have turkey for our customers, but could use help with holiday foods such as stuffing, pie filling, yams, etc. And Christmas ham purchases will soon be here.
Food insecurity is a major issue in our community. A gift that you might share will brighten many holiday dinner tables.
Thank you, Wendell Affield
Donate Here
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March 6, 2020
October 23, 2019
My New-Found Family Visits Minnesota
My new-found brother, Louis and his wife Patty recently spent time with us her in the Bemidji area. It was a wonderful week not to be forgotten. Visit these links for a great interview Dennis Doeden with the Bemidji Pioneer did:
https://www.bemidjipioneer.com/news/4...
Malaak Khattab a reporter with Lakeland PBS did a wonderful job interviewing us.
And thank you Sue Bruns and the Beltrami County History Center for sponsoring our visit on Tuesday evening where Louis and Patty met so many of our friends–we had a great time sharing our story.
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October 2, 2019
BROTHERHOOD
My new-found brother Louis and his wife Patty, from Long Island, New York, will spend next week at our home near Bemidji. Louis and I had originally planned to speak at Bemidji Public Library. The location has changed to Beltrami History Center. Please join Louis and me on Tuesday, October 8 at 5:30, listen to our story and ask questions.
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June 29, 2019
Meeting My New Family
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Our host family: Patty and Louis at each end; daughter, Elizabeth Rose, Laurel, daughter Camille, and Wendell
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Back row: Janine, Laurel, Louis, David, Wendell, Laurie Jean. Middle row: Janine’s husband David, Ginger and Larry Grignon and their grandchildren.
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Three new brothers and baby sister—left to right: Louis, Guy, Wendell, Yvonne, Michael. (I met Larry later and visited with Gene on the telephone).
I recently met five of six siblings that I never knew existed; I am the oldest. The path to discovery had many curves and dead ends: From Manhattan, New York, to Seattle, Washington; Las Angeles California, to Henderson, Nevada, and back to New York. Eventually to Las Cruces, New Mexico, where a lady named Jodi uncovered information that placed my parents within a few blocks of each other in 1946.
I’m back home now, in northern Minnesota, reflecting on the journey that took me 3300 miles and seventy-two years back in time, to 1946 Long Island, New York, where a young woman with two small children had recently arrived in Selden to nurse wounds from a bitter divorce battle. She met a young man recently home from World War II. We’ll never know exactly how they met; she had no vehicle so walked to the local store for groceries. Maybe he saw her struggling with two toddlers along the dirt road and offered her a ride. Perhaps the young woman walked a few blocks to his parents’ home to use their telephone and met him there. Those young people discovered they had something in common—French language and culture. Several months later my mother moved on with her life, eventually met my stepfather Herman through a lonely hearts club catalogue, and moved to northern Minnesota. The young man married a local lady and raise six children in the Selden area.
In 2015, while doing research for my book PAWNS, I had a DNA test done on my two older brothers, myself, and my younger sister—the four children that my mother brought to northern Minnesota in 1949. Two years later a retired genetics scientist named David called my sister and told her he had discovered a match for her half-sister. That summer we drove to Cincinnati and met Grace and David. When David learned that I didn’t know who my father was, he began the search. In late 2018 he narrowed the search to possible families and suggested I contact a possible link. On 12 January 2019 I sent a letter of introduction along with a copy of my memoir, Muddy Jungle Rivers—the letter began:
Dear Mr. Grignon, I recently took a genealogical DNA test through Ancestry.com and learned that my ancestors date back to Louis Grignon (1841-1921) & Lucie Lacoste (1851-1931). Are your grandparents Lucien Grignon (1893-1955) and Yvonne Eva LaChance (1892-1971)? I have close DNA cousins through both the Grignon and LaChance families, so I am therefore somehow related to your extended family.
Mr. Grignon—Louis—called me the same afternoon he received my package and we visited for about an hour.
David continued his search for confirmation. At some point—I don’t fully understand, David’s search intersected with a man named Rich (Laurie Jean’s husband I later learned) who was researching his wife’s family background. Was it serendipity, fate, luck? David’s search leapt forward and on April 8, 2019, he wrote, I checked Ancestry today and….apparently Louis’ older brother Larry and his daughter Janine had submitted DNA tests already. AND…… AS YOU CAN SEE ON ANCESTRY AND IN THE ATTACHED SCREENSHOTS, THEY ARE BOTH STRONG MATCHES TO YOU !!! Larry Grignon, almost certainly Guy Grignon’s oldest son and Louis’ brother, is a DEFINITE HALF-BROTHER TO YOU !!! And Janine Grignon, likely Larry’s daughter, is a definite half-niece to you!!
And so Laurel and I planned a trip to visit her sister Grace near Cincinnati and on to Long Island. We invited David to join us. It was an amazing event, connecting with new family. Everyone was so warm and welcoming. Louis and his wife Patty invited us to stay in their home—they were wonderful hosts. Janine, brother Larry’s daughter, had a luncheon for us—her husband, a New York police officer, is an awesome chef. I was touched by the enthusiasm the young people had. Our father Guy had died in 1994. Janine and Larry’s other daughter, Laurie remembered him and commented more than once how much I looked like their grandfather.
Another evening we had dinner with Louis, Patty, and their two daughters, Camille and Elizabeth—lovely young women. Louis spent the week chauffeuring us around Long Island. We visited many local sights, including the Grignon grandparents’ home and Middle Country Public Library in Selden where we explored old records.
Our last evening, Louis took several of us out on his sailboat—it was clear with a light breeze on Long Island Sound.
I will always cherish that week, filled with wonderous new memories. We look forward to the Grignon family visiting us here in Minnesota, and our next visit with them.
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June 13, 2019
DNA Miracle: Discovering My Father, 72 Years Later
Tomorrow morning, June 14, 2019, I set off on a journey that began in New York the early winter of 1947.
Questions from a lecture by my friend, Professor Mark Christensen haunt me as I pack my suitcase and map my route:
What is my state of mind before I leave? Am I on a quest? A journey?
As I travel will it also be an internal journey?
Will I learn something? What discoveries will I bring home?
Is the journey forced or by choice?
Do I expect to find something or not, or something unexpected?
What archetype might I symbolize in my journey?
What obstacles might I encounter—internal/external?
What will be my state of mind after my journey—if it ends?
How did it all begin? That early winter of 1947 a young man had recently returned from World War II, and as millions of soldiers have done over the centuries upon returning home from war, he must have been ecstatic to have survived. He and his friends celebrated life. He met a young woman who was alone, struggling psychologically, seeking comfort in the wake of a recent divorce. Nine months later I was born; I don’t think the young man ever knew. My mother never spoke of him. Sixty-two years later she went to her grave, secret intact.
Earliest photo of me–in buggy:[image error]
The winter of 2018, through the miracles of DNA and the persistence of a wonderful genealogist, I learned the identity of my late father and recently connected with siblings I never knew existed. I’ve been in correspondence and conversations with one of seven and in a few days will meet him and his family.
Stay tuned…
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SOMEDAY
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[image error]Last night we did a presentation at Bemidji Public Library based on a series of letters a friend and I exchanged while he was in prison. Our goal is to develop it into a Young Adult book of stories about how drugs and alcohol can take one down the wrong path and the consequences one must pay. It was humbling to hear the words of encouragement from the audience. Here are a few comments we received at the end of the evening.
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January 16, 2019
Past Events
Below is a list of past workshops, signings and speaking engagements that Wendell has been featured at. To bring Wendell to your event, contact him here.
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2019
Veteran’s Program at Clearbrook-Gonvick
Writing Memory Stories Workshop with Wendell Affield
Veteran Addiction & Mental Health Conference
Vietnam War Roundtable: Brown Water Navy at MN Military Museum
“Brotherhood” presented by BemidjiSpeaks at Beltrami Co. History Center
Links to the Past by NELL (Northern Exposure to Lifelong Learning)
Vietnam Roundtable 2019-2020
Bellanger and Affield to present at BemidjiSpeaks
ARTS EXPO: Notes on Self Publishing with Wendell Affield
Farm by the Lake Writing Workshop: Reawakening Memory Through Our Senses with Wendell Affield
2018
Wendell Affield featured at Senior Center Veteran’s Day program
“Researching the Past” by Adventures in Lifelong Learning
Book Launch for “Pawns: The Farm, Nebish, Minnesota 1950s” at Watermark Art Center
2017
Veteran’s Book Club at Indiana University
Remembering Vietnam: How Those Memories Impact Us Today | workshop at Carver County Library
Writing Your War: An introduction to exploring and writing memoir
2016
Wendell Affield presents at Koochiching County Fair Guest Author
Clinton Public Library Guest Author, Wendell Affield
50th Anniversary of the Vietnam War at Midway Village Museum, Rockford IL
2015
Vietnam War Exhibit Grand Opening at Military Historical Society of Minnesota
Headwaters Center for Lifelong Learning presents Wendell Affield at Park Rapids Armory
Making Meaning of Vietnam: A Reading | Plymouth Congregational Church, Minneapolis, MN
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