Heather Holleman's Blog, page 3

Second Conversation Café Topic

Tonight we meet again at Sower’s Harvest for our Conversation Café. While our first workshop focused on developing interpersonal curiosity and learning the Six Pathways for conversational connection, tonight we’ll focus on the second and third mindset (Believing the Best and Expressing Concern). We’ll invite participants to practice complimenting, allowing conversation partners to unburden their major stressors, and making use of the 3 Fresh Goals of Conversation.

I’m excited!

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Cozy Conversations

Ash and I enjoyed a fantastic evening with others wanting to learn how to make warm connections. For this first night, we focused on the mindset of “curiosity” and invited participants to ask great questions in any of the six dimensions of what it means to be human. We then taught on the “endless permutations” or combinations of follow-up questions based on those same pathways. I loved how the room felt like fireworks going off as wonderful conversations ensured in every corner of the cozy Sower’s Harvest Cafe.

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Something Fun: Conversation Café

Tonight, Ashley and I will host the first of a series of “Conversation Café” events at a popular local coffee shop called Sower’s Harvest. Every Tuesday evening in the month of February, we’ll offer 20 minutes of teaching and 40 minutes of free conversation time. Sower’s provides the coffee, the treats, and free books, and everyone’s invited whether you’re a Penn State student or a member of our larger community in State College.

We’re excited to host this event, and I’ll be sure and update you on how it goes! We love delivering our workshop on how to form warm connections, so we hope this night truly blesses people. Pray for us if you get a chance!

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A Difficult Prayer

I recently spoke on prayer and some of the new ways I’m praying. I love talking to God about wisdom, favor, protection, and joy. But what about the prayer, “God, send me to help someone”? I realized the difficulty of this prayer when several people mentioned how, when they began to ask God about this, they immediately hoped He wouldn’t answer this prayer.

The prayer caught in their throats. They paused. They retracted the prayer and had to try again with a new heart.

If God sent us to help someone today, wouldn’t it inconvenience us? Wouldn’t it require a change in schedule, a leaking of resources, or a burden we don’t choose? Oh, the human heart and all of its self-centered and self-protective ways! Yes, yes, it’s a difficult prayer indeed.

But imagine the joy of God working through you. Imagine the joy of becoming like Jesus in how He came not to be served but to serve.

It’s a difficult prayer, but a glorious one.

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Excuses, Excuses

I notice Moses’ excuses regarding not fulfilling God’s calling on his life. In Exodus, we hear them all: I’m not talented; no one will listen to me; I can’t do this; I can’t do that. Please send someone else.

I considered my own excuses about why I don’t want to do what God asks me to do. I don’t have the energy; I’m too old; I hate travel; I’m not cut out for this; I’m scared; I have anxiety; I’m not mature enough in this area.

How does God respond to our excuses? Essentially, it’s this:

I will be with you. I will give you everything you need.

What more do we need to know today?

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A Good Idea for February

Yesterday, I came upon an article about a new book called I Did a New Thing, by Tabitha Brown. While I haven’t read the book or know very much about Tabitha, I loved the idea of her 30-day challenge to do a new thing each day.

What could it be for us today? Will we try a new pesto meatball recipe, wear a new outfit we’ve never worn before, go to coffee with someone new, watch something new, start a novel with a new sentence?

For my new thing, I tried a lemon chocolate that a friend gave me. I know it’s a silly thing, but it felt new and luxurious, and I can’t remember ever having a lemon chocolate before. I loved it!

I like the idea of waking up and doing a new thing each day. It feels so refreshing and joyful.

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The Names to Remember

As I read Genesis, I love arriving to the part where Joseph names his two sons. We read this in Genesis 41:50-52:

Before the years of famine came, two sons were born to Joseph by Asenath daughter of Potiphera, priest of On. Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, “It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.” The second son he named Ephraim and said, “It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.”

Today I considered what the names teach me about God: He comforts us in sorrow and helps us “forget” in a way that allows our lives to feel abundant and joyful, even as we surely remember suffering in a way that allows for the second name to reveal God as One who blesses us in the midst of suffering.

I love turning what I read into ways I talk to God. We can pray, “God help me forget my trouble to enjoy the life You’ve given me, and help me recognize how You’ve made me fruitful here.”

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The Savoring From What’s Broken

Our new dryer suddenly stopped drying our clothes. I found myself shocked at my response to this inconvenience! The stress, anger, entitlement, and frustration coursing through my brain made me truly stop and wonder. How quickly I’ve adapted and come to expect certain things: hot, clean, running water magically appearing out of a spout; a machine that washes my clothes, one that sends hot air and tumbles them to dry those same clothes; a dishwasher that washes and dries my dishes; a house warmed by heat I’m not producing myself. . .

We called in for the repair. We’re out of a dryer for maybe a day. That’s it. Just a day. But the work of repair had already started in me.

The hot shower felt like a wonderful gift. The clean dishes I unloaded felt like a marvelous invention. The fact that my car moves across the surface of the road to get me places suddenly felt undeserved, so undeserved.

Thank you, God, for something broken to get my heart back to gratitude.

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The 3 C’s of Helping Hurting People

I recently reviewed everything I learned this summer when I earned my Trauma-informed Practices for Higher Education certification from Columbia College. I love synthesizing large amounts of data into simple, transferrable lessons, so I found myself able to think of helping hurting people in 3 ways (I call them them the 3 C’s):

Certainty

Community

Contribution

People with trauma backgrounds, personal pain, or post-traumatic stress feel better when the three biggest stressors caused by trauma diminish. People in pain often experience uncertainty, isolation, and a lack of meaning, so when we build into their lives things that create certainty, that connect them to community, and that remind them of their contribution, we start to become a trauma-informed friend.

But how?

To create more certainty with someone, plan regular events, scheduled outings, and texts that occur at the same time each day. You want to add to a sense of certainty by being a predictable presence. This applies to parenting, teaching, or anything involving people, really. I’m learning to be predictably cheerful, predictably present, and predictably communicative. As a professor, I create certainty by class agendas, organized weekly plans, and class rubrics. I show up at the same time, respond to emails, and let students know what to expect.

To create community, help the people around you feel connected through great conversation, gatherings, and warm connections that fuel belonging. Articulate how people are valued, thought about, and missed when they aren’t present. Plan a weekly (certainty!) dinner or lunch with a group to support a hurting person.

To help a person understand their contribution, notice strengths, compliment talents, and talk in the language of purpose or personal mission. Remind people of how their presence adds to the world and help them dream about what they want to accomplish.

I love the 3 C’s as a parent and teacher, and I’m learning to create certainty, build community, and help think about a person’s contribution as a friend now, too.

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A Snow Day for You, Too

Today my classes were canceled at Penn State. I imagined my happy students, snuggled in their beds, so thankful for the warmth and rest of a snow day.

I love a snow day. As an adult, I love the idea of bundling up in blankets, watching TV, eating something yummy, pouring more coffee, and playing games. I found myself leisurely doing things about the house. I completed a crossword puzzle. I read. I journaled. While I didn’t go sledding (yet), build a snowman (yet), or drink hot cocoa (yet), I did embrace a snow day and truly relax. Snow days are even better as adults, at least when it’s just you.

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