Heather Holleman's Blog, page 236

A July Long Ago

This afternoon, my youngest feels sick. We plan on canceling all the 4th of July events. Strangely, I browse blogs from 4th of July in the past several years, and I find that in 2011, this same daughter was sick in the same way on the same day.

I wrote this:

I’ll just begin by telling you a certain child in my family vomits seven times last night.  This is the other child (not the one with the entirely different virus). 

I don’t actually wake up this morning because I never actually went to bed. 

Everyone complains.  Everyone feels miserable, and to make matters worse, it’s a holiday!  We’ll miss the bike parade, the hot dogs, the fireworks–everything. 

Then I check my email, and a new friend sends me a link to her blog.  She’s entitled it “Dwell in Possibility.”  I think about the phrase all morning because it resonates deeply.  I’ve heard the phrase before–from some distant place–that recalls a beautiful hoping in me. 

Then I remember.  It’s from Emily Dickinson.  I love Emily Dickinson. 

I dwell in Possibility —

A fairer House than Prose —

More numerous of Windows —

Superior — for Doors —

Of Chambers as the Cedars —

Impregnable of Eye —

And for an Everlasting Roof

The Gambrels of the Sky —

Of Visitors — the fairest —

For Occupation — This —

The spreading wide of narrow Hands

To gather Paradise —

I read the poem again and again.  Today, I choose to gather Paradise.

A Thistle

A Moment in Deuteronomy

My Old Testament professor tells us that Deuteronomy was the book Jesus quotes most of all. He tells us how Jesus surely loved this book of the Bible; it was the weapon of warfare Jesus used to defeat Satan during the temptation in the wilderness (Matthew 4). I didn’t realize this. I checked! It’s true!

When I was a young woman, I remember reading Deuteronomy as a metaphor for my whole life. I didn’t know anything about the history of Israel, the geography of the ancient world, or even what the word Deuteronomy meant (it translates “spoken words” in Hebrew and as “second law” in Greek, as in serving as a reiteration of God’s law). I didn’t know how to interpret scripture faithfully and accurately. All I knew is that I was soul-hungry for God, and these words in the Bible had something to do with people being lost and wandering in the wilderness, and God was now ready to bring them into their promised land.

That was me! I was wandering and ready to inhabit the new life in Christ I was learning about. I was miserable and stuck. I was wallowing. Then, I read in the first chapter those sweet words of the Lord: “You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Break camp and advance. . . See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land” (v. 6-8).

It felt like God speaking in my heart like this: You have stayed long enough in this miserable place. Advance into the life I have for you! Go! 

The first Bible verse I ever memorized and carried in my heart was Deuteronomy 31:6. Moses is about to die. He has something to say to the people as they will go into this promised land. He says: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of [your enemies], for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.”

So I thought about strength and courage. I thought about never living in fear. I thought about how God was with me always, and He would never leave. Now, I was to depart from my mountain of miserable wandering. Nothing would ever be the same.

For the next 20 years, I carried these words. Whenever I feel stuck and wallowing, I remember my moments in Deuteronomy. Now, I know all about this book academically, but it never changes how the Holy Spirit still speaks and instructs about our moving into the paths God has traced for us.

And as I find myself surrounded more and more with younger people–those in their 20’s and 30’s–I tell them about my Deuteronomy moments. Maybe they need to leave their mountain of wallowing and wandering and go into the new places God has for them. It will take knowing that God is with them and will not fail them. It will take knowing that there is a promised land just over the ridge. And one day, when they turn 40, they will read this verse in Deuteronomy 2:7 and smile like I did:

“The Lord has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey. . .  These forty years, the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.” 

The story of Deuteronomy was always our story, too.

Seated with Christ is Amazon’s Kindle Monthly Deal for July!

I have some fun news for the month of July! Seated with Christ is the Amazon Kindle deal for July at $1.99. What a great deal!

Enjoy!

 

What Comes From His Hand

I love reading 1 Chronicles 28-29 and the way David talks to and about the Lord, especially his words beginning in 1 Chronicles 29:14. After giving his “personal treasures” for the temple of God, he prays:

“But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand.”

When I think about giving to the Lord in any manner–time, money, other resources, abilities–it’s never a great sacrifice when I realize that it all comes from Him. We only give back to Him what came from His hand. What I consider my “personal treasures” actually always belonged to God.

Before the Next Thing

Today I consider the season of preparation.

I often encourage others who feel like nothing’s happening, like they idle at a standstill, like they fly in a holding pattern, that something is happening. That something is preparation! When life feels slow and quiet, I like to consider all I’m reading and studying. I like to ponder. I like to build up creative ideas.

I like to pray and wait.

A season of fruitfulness will come, just like the harvest, but first, preparation.

Same Recipes, Different You

Today I prepared chicken pot pie to place in the oven this evening. I’m standing in the kitchen, and I’m mixing the same vegetables, chopped chicken, thyme, milk, and cream of chicken soup to put in the pie crust. I’ve made this same old recipe for 20 years.

I remember how, back when my children were toddlers, preparing chicken pot pie in advance was an absolute triumph. Having that kind of time and that kind of advanced planning for a meal was my definition of family success. And I made chicken pot pie because the children loved it. Something about the crust and the creamy insides made them gobble dinner up. So I made it for them.

But this time, my chicken pot pie feels like part of my day and something I chose because it sounded good to me. Nobody needed my attention; nobody else’s schedule determined when and how I could make this dinner.

As I folded the crust down around the edges, I thought about the passage of time and how the meaning and manner of parenting tasks change. It wasn’t a sad feeling at all. It was more of a “look how far we’ve come” kind of feeling. The triumph wasn’t in making dinner ahead; it was that I’m here, having come through that part of my life and now living something new. The recipes stay the same, but it’s a different me.

 

Better Returns

I love Proverbs 3:13-18 and the promise of what wisdom brings. We read this:

13 Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,

    and the one who gets understanding,

14 for the gain from her is better than gain from silver

    and her profit better than gold.

15 She is more precious than jewels,

    and nothing you desire can compare with her.

16 Long life is in her right hand;

    in her left hand are riches and honor.

17 Her ways are ways of pleasantness,

    and all her paths are peace.

18 She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;

    those who hold her fast are called blessed.

I consider the better returns of wisdom than even silver, gold, jewels, or anything thing else I could possibly imagine. Nothing is better than wisdom. Nothing compares with her. Finding Jesus, as the fulfillment of wisdom, offers the riches, honor, pleasantness, and peace we seek.

A Form of Deliverance

Since God’s ways are always right and good, I can trust that whatever happens, it represents a form of mercy and deliverance. I might not see it as such at the time, but the older I get and the more I trust God, the more quickly I can see how He works.

In Philippians 1, Paul says twice that what has happened to him (imprisonment, chains, distress) will turn out for his deliverance so that Christ will be exalted and the gospel advanced (12, 19).

We move through trials and even the more ordinary stuff of life knowing that God is working a form of deliverance that exalts Christ and advances the gospel.

Philippians 1:12- 21: I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear. . . Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Finally, the Mourning Dove on Her Nest