Heather Holleman's Blog, page 204

The Numbers of These Days

I live my summer Pennsylvania life in certain numbers:

The baby robins take 13 days to fledge.
They will leave the nest, therefore, in 3 days. 
They will train in the garden for 3 weeks with their parents nearby to teach proper feeding, flying, and general Robin living.
I will replace the hummingbird feeder nectar every 3 days. 
I have seen 3 kinds of hummingbirds at my feeder (only 3 have have been reported in Pennsylvania!): the Ruby-throated Hummingbird–the male boasts that ruby-red throat, a white collar, an emerald green back and a forked tail while the female wears an emerald green coat with white, black, and green tail feathers; the Rufous Hummingbird, and what I think is the rare Calliope (a very small hummingbird with pink stripes around his neck).
In 72 days, I will have grown a watermelon.

I love waking up to numbers like these.

A Spiritual Lesson from Sleeping Baby Robins

I notice something so odd. The baby robins sleep with their mouths open. It’s funny; their beaks hang out of the nest, open to the wind, as they close their eyes in rest.

I watch their soft feathers move up and down in the rhythms of sleep. It’s so peaceful and cozy. It’s so restful. 

And that beak stays open. It’s like the chicks say, “I’m just gonna sleep right here. You go on and bring me my food whenever. I’m ready for food, but I’m also sleeping.”

When one normally thinks of hungry robins with their mouths wide open, the dominant image is one of a straining, squalling, chick whose beak opens in desperation. It’s a begging sort of picture that feels frantic and urgent. It’s a picture of starvation and fear.

But the correct picture–since baby robins sleep so much of the day and the parents return over 100 times in that day with food–is one of rest.

The mouths stay open in rest, and I imagine they sleep securely in anticipation of sure nourishment coming. For most of the day, they don’t strain or beg.

They sleep with an open mouth. It’s a posture of gentle rest that knows food will come. It must. That’s the way of things with robins.

I want to rest with an open heart to the Lord’s provision. I want to take on the true rest of Jesus and stay snug and cozy in the boundaries of this nested life. I want to live most of my day in light of sure provision.

Growing

The Consecration of June

This morning I read EM Bounds’ essay on consecration. This part spoke to me most of all:

Prayer is the one thing prominent in a consecrated life.  Consecration is much more than a life of so-called service. It is a life of personal holiness, first of all. It is that which brings spiritual power into the heart and enlivens the entire inner man. It is a life which ever recognizes God, and a life given up to true prayer.  Full consecration is the highest type of a Christian life. It is the one Divine standard of experience, of living and of service. It is the one thing at which the believer should aim. Nothing short of entire consecration must satisfy him.  Never is he to be contented till he is fully, entirely the Lord’s by his own consent. His praying naturally and involuntarily leads up to this one act of his.  Consecration is the voluntary set dedication of one’s self to God, an offering definitely made, and made without any reservation whatever. It is the setting apart of all we are, all we have, and all we expect to have or be, to God first of all.

I find myself praying prayers of consecration, and my heart stirs to think of myself as someone living a life that might one day be given up to prayer, that I would become a woman who belongs completely to God without any reservation whatsoever.

As I turn to the Psalms, I think of living differently in this new month of June. I want to meditate “day and night” on God’s word (Psalm 1) and, in my bed at night, to “search [my] heart and be silent” (Psalm 4).

As I’m thinking of consecration, I find Hannah Whitall Smith’s own prayer of consecration, published in her journal, written May 31, 1869, the night before her own June began. Maybe she wanted to consecrate a new month like me. She writes:

“Lord, I am yours, yours wholly, and yours forever! I am yours by the purchase of your blood, and I present myself to you now as a living sacrifice, body, soul, and spirit to be as clay in your hands. I give you my heart, Lord, to love only what you love; to hate what you hate; to endure all things, to suffer long and be kind, to be not easily provoked; to think no evil, not to seek my own. Help me, oh my God! I give you my intellect to be wholly devoted to your service, and perfectly under your control to think only whose thoughts that will please you, to devise only such plans as you suggest, to yield the management of all its affairs to you! I give it to you that you may fulfill the purposes of your grace by casting down in me imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. Help me, oh my God. I give you my body to be used by you. My eyes to see only what you would have them see, my ears to hear only what you would have them hear; my feet to go only where you lead, my hands to do only what can be done in fellowship with you, my tongue to speak only words that please you. I give you any appetite to be under thy control and regulation. I give my time to you, Lord, to be all employed for you. I leave my reputation in your hands. I give you my children, my husband, and everyone whom I love to be disposed of according to your will. I leave to you the ordering of my whole life, and with your help will follow you wherever you lead. I will give you the control of my feelings and of my prejudices. I submit, in short, my whole being and life all that I am and have and will be to your complete control and only ask that your will may be perfectly done in me, through me and by me! Take me and keep me oh my God!”

Let us consecrate ourselves to God. May June become a special month for us all.

Smith, H. W. (1997). The Christian’s secret of a holy life : The unpublished personal writings of Hannah Whitall Smith (May 13). Oak Harbor: Logos Research Systems, Inc.

When the Roses Bloom

It’s a new morning, with new mercies, new joys, and new hope. I see the first pop of color on the trellis covered in climbing roses.

Each new day, gifts arrive.

Snug

A Lesson from the Wise on Happiness

My 85 year old friend and mentor, the one who invites me to the senior citizen lunch (and I go), and who gives me books by A.W. Tozer, and who calls to read the Bible to me and to make sure I’m doing well and spreading the fragrance of Christ, telephones with an astonishing statement.

I answer because I’ve already missed her call three times, but I was busy eating pie at the Memorial Day event in Boalsburg, PA. Now it’s evening. I know she has something she needs to say to me.

She declares this:

“I know why people are so unhappy. They are unhappy because they won’t let God have His way with them.”

She lowers her voice with the holiness of the statement. And then she actually giggles with the simplicity and truth of it.

I love older people. I just love them.

When my 85 year old mentor speaks, I listen. I take heed. I apply.

I immediately retreat into myself and ask the Holy Spirit where I’m not allowing God to have His way. And all morning, I consider that a great source of unhappiness in our lives does indeed come when we resist God, when we don’t surrender to His complete control. This has been true in my own life.

It’s a lesson for the ages from the aged, and I’m so thankful it came when it did.

 

Remember the Treasures of Darkness

For whatever reason, I found myself in the worst mood ever a few days ago. These dark moments always send me into a tailspin that depression will return, that I’ll never get better, and that I’ll forever be lost to myself. These feelings prompted the book Guarded by Christ because I needed to remember the critical data that I am always in the fortress of God’s care and guarded by peace, power, righteousness, hope, and the crucified life, no matter what my feelings say about it.

I went on a walk as evening fell all around me. As it grew darker and darker and the storm clouds gathered, two beautiful things happened:

First, I saw lightning bugs, one of the greatest pleasures of summer. The sharp realization came: you can only see them in darkness. As I watched the flashes of light above the green moss in the dark woods, I knew that God sends gifts you only receive in dark times.

And then, the sky opened and the rain fell. Far from home and worried about the thunder, I wished for someone to rescue me. At that moment, my husband intersected my path in our minivan as he returned from an errand. I slid into the dry car and wondered about the timing. Being rescued from the storm felt so wonderful and so supernatural, and I wouldn’t have known this rescue had I not first been in the storm.

There’s a gift here.There’s a rescue coming.

These things we only know in darkness.

Amen.

When You’re Left With You

I always feel a twinge of sadness on this weekend because I miss the days of swimming at the pool with little girls, running through the sprinkler, and eating sweet popsicles. It’s so different with teenagers.

Although we still have wonderful family times, I find myself more alone in the house. Teens move outward, and they bounce from fun activity and then to work and school and this vibrant life without you–just as it should be. They land back home like hummingbirds darting to the feeder, and I marvel at their beauty. Then, they flit off.

I wait to catch those iridescent wings. If I’m still enough and wait, they always return home.

I’m thankful for the strange, quiet house. I’m thankful that Jesus is here, just like He was when the house was strange with a sleeping newborn. I’m left with myself, my husband, and Jesus, and it’s just as it should be this weekend.

And just as I rediscovered myself in each new stage–marriage, small children, and teens–I’ll find out who I am here, too.

 

Improving or Enjoying?

Today I discover this quote by author E.B. White:

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

My husband and I laugh with understanding. It’s the weekend dilemma: does he work in the yard or enjoy the yard? Do I work to make things better today, or is it a day to enjoy what’s right here? Maybe we fall into one of the two tendencies: we are improvers or enjoyers. I tend towards improvement, so all day, I consider enjoying. 

To plan the evening, I consider a walk around the neighborhood–not to improve anything, but to enjoy the lawns and gardens.