Laura Susan Johnson's Blog, page 11

Interview with Michael Brookes!

I am a guest author interview/blog with author Michael Brookes!

http://thecultofme.blogspot.co.uk/201...

Piracy Update

Hi all, just a quick (or not?) update on the situation with "share" or "torrent" sites. In the past 3-4 months, I have seen "Crush" offered either by itself or as part of a "package" of several books to download absolutely free. Not too long ago, I had only seen my work on superiorz.org, who appears to have removed it upon my request, which I greatly appreciate.

However, when I attempted to contact the sites I've seen more recently to ask them to remove my book, they either ignored me, had no "contact us" info for me to email them, or "hid" from me in the guise of a "daemon returned email" aka "email delivery failure."

What they are doing is piracy. What they are doing is stealing from me...it's as simple as that.

Look, I understand what it is to have little or no money in my wallet. I know what it is to live paycheck to paycheck, wishing I could buy something now and having to wait until later. I am not a famous writer. I am just another hardworking person, like you, who lives on the edge, as many do in this economic climate. I believe that if I was Stephen King or E.L. James, I might not mind people enjoying my book for free, because I have millions in the bank. The fact is, I don't have millions, and as much as I write for the passion of it, I'd like to make a little money for my hard work, just like any other hard working artist. I'd also like to, God help me, make my entire living from writing some day.

And I'm not alone. This is a blog post from author Kelley York (Suicide Watch, Hollowed):

http://www.kelley-york.com/2013/03/wh...

Perhaps, too, I should mention that many of these free/share/torrent sites impart viruses and malware with their downloads. Once, I merely clicked on a few of these sites from a google search and my security software lit up with warnings about how dangerous a page it was even to visit.

The following sites have no respect for what "copyright" means, and they have no respect for hardworking authors, not even enough respect to respond to our emails:

mobilism.org
bestpdfbooks.net (powered by WordPress.com)
kat.ph
zippyshare.com
ktorrents.info
torrent.cd

At least superiorz.org responded and told me they'd remove it, even if someone may have reloaded it later.

Again, the legit way to get the eBook of "Crush" is to go to Amazon.com, and either borrow it through their lending program or purchase it for what I believe is a very reasonable price. I thought they were bullies for demanding eBook exclusivity, but now that I've seen what offering an eBook online can do, I'm glad for the KDP Select program, and as much as I'd like to offer my next books on Smashwords or Lulu or any other eBook site, I'll have to think very hard about it first.

Save 20% when you purchase the hardcover!

I don't usually post about promos in my blog, but Lulu is offering 20% off with code VERNUM when you check-out.

I only have my hardcover on Lulu.com now. Here's the link:

http://www.lulu.com/shop/laura-susan-...

My muse for Monty...

There was only one choice for Reardon Darius Montgomery, aka Monty. I first noticed a rather "svelte" Ewan McGregor when he portrayed the off again, on again heroin addict Mark Renton in TRAINSPOTTING. From there, I've bought nearly every movie he's ever been. Out of the four muses I've used so far in writing fictional gay characters, I'd say Ewan is the most famous, the biggest star. I probably don't need to post any cool articles about him, because chances are, you've seen them all.

Why Ewan? Well...the obvious answer is because he's beautiful. Every time the power goes out in my house, I wish I could call on him to come to my house and smile...that smile is megawatt :) But again, if all I cared about was a pretty face, Monty could be mused by anyone.

Monty is a beautiful, tortured soul. He's similar to "Tammy" in Crush in that Monty conceals a lot of his torment behind that great smile and that flamboyance. He's wild, restless, and sexually adventurous, but as you read "Bright", you'll learn something new about him in every new chapter or scene. I'm plagued by a constant worry that I'm not saying enough in my writing about how much Monty adores Walter. I'm sure it will be more than evident that Walter loves Monty, but what about vice versa? That's when my writing usually "buffalos" over readers with too much explanation LOL!

So...why Ewan? So many reasons! He, too, is a beautiful spirit. I don't have to know him personally to know it's true. He's just one of those awesome people who inspires love and laughter all the time. He's not afraid to speak his mind. He's not afraid to kiss a man in public. He's not afraid to be vulnerable in front of a camera. He's simply amazing. I can't explain it without making an ass of myself. (Too late, Laura :)

The best way I can envision Ewan as Monty is by thinking of his fearless performance as Curt Wild in VELVET GOLDMINE:

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=...

I can't wait to share "Bright" with everyone!!!!

Crush FAQ youtube series: Question 12: Why the middle section about Tammy and Jamie apart?

Hi everyone! Today I made a new youtube video for the Crush FAQ series. The link is posted below the blog entry.

I made this video to try to explain exactly why I chose to write a few chapters about the lives of Tammy and Jamie while they were separated for 16 yrs. I wanted the readers to see them as separate individuals, what they did with their lives, and how everything that happens to them makes them strong enough to be together at last. I felt that the period of separation would make their reunion that much more powerful, and that the readers would see that even after they both succeed in having productive lives and thriving careers, they were still both lonely and damaged, and that nothing would ever fill the void caused by each other's absence.

Like Tammy and Jamie, each reader is an individual. Each is going to open my book expecting different things, absorbing different things, and taking different things away.

In no way am I putting down those who thought the chapters in question were boring or didn't do anything for the story. I am simply explaining my decision to write Crush the way I wrote it. For me, Crush is more than romance or erotica or about gay men. It is a story of two people's lives, together and apart.

I appreciate everyone's reviews. Even the one star reviews I've gotten help me to understand that every reader is different, and that my book will not do it for everyone. I thank everyone who has ever read the book (or tried to :)

Here's the vid link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCgKvo...

New press release for Crush!

Well, here goes...This could be the big one! Over the next several weeks, a press release for "Crush" is going to be launched all over creation. According to the Book Launch Press Release/PR Headquarters site, they send the PR to 3000+ search engines, online news sources such as Mercury News, Press-Enterprise and the like, and even television stations...I am excited and terrified at once, bracing myself...

http://pressreleaseshq.com/crush-has-...

Cold Foot/Read An eBook Week!

I finally have a 3rd short story to add to my future volume. It is called Cold Foot, and is a direct spin off from Crush. It takes place in the time when Tammy is beginning to feel the effects of seeing too many horrific images and incidents of animal cruelty on the job.

It's also in the timeline shortly before Natalie Mattheis' journey into the world of "Bright" begins Jamie has a small role in this little story as well, but it's mostly from Tammy's POV, along with the perspective of Shyla Kapek, the woman who is charged with murder.

As I go over and over my writing, which ended this morning and began sometime around Feb. 27th, I see Cold Foot as mainly a retrospective and a commentary, not just a short story. I expect many readers will find it "preachy", nothing more than a sermon about how animal abuse is wrong and that animals should be treated with respect.

And that will be okay, because as I am speaking from the heart of Tammy Mattheis, a passionate animal activist, that is exactly what "Cold Foot" is. :)

Today marks the beginning of the 5th annual Read A Ebook Week, and I am offering all three of the short stories I have available at Smashwords for 50% off until the end of this special week, which is March 9th. That means you may purchase BURDENS and OUR HOUSE for free, and COLD FOOT will be on sale for $0.99.

The code to use for all 3 books during this promotion is: REW50

Here is the link to my profile at SW and all 3 stories:

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...

My muse for Walter...

I debated with myself on whether or not I am posting stuff about "Bright" prematurely. But I have no intention of changing anything about "Bright". The story is there, in my head, in my notebooks. All it needs is to be typed out, formatted, bound and published :)

Picking a muse for "Walter Yarbro" of this in-progress book was much more difficult than picking a muse for any other character I've written. I wanted someone who could easily physically pass for "bigender" or "genderfluid", as Walter is a character who is very complex in his gender identity. Before I go any farther, I will insert this disclaimer...I'm still learning exactly how gender identity works. It varies from person to person, and I make no assumption that all people who are "genderfluid" are like Walter.

I had already picked Ewan McGregor as my use for Walter's boyfriend and later husband, "Monty". I'll post about Monty later on. In the meantime, finding someone suitable to muse "Walter" was proving much more of a challenge. On a visit to Oregon, my friends introduced me to a TV show that had lasted only one season before cancellation. This show was called $#*! My Dad Says, and of course is based on the infamous twitter feed by Justin Halpern, which I knew about. I hadn't known they made a show about it. Anyway, I watched several episodes on DVDs my friends made from their DVR, and almost immediately, I took an interest in the actor who played the younger son of William Shatner's character. There was something about this kid. I can't even explain it now. All I can say is, he's "Walter." His name is Jonathan Sadowski, and though he's an American from Chicago, his surname is Polish/Belarussian in origin. Though he's got an "everyday American guy" kind of attractiveness, you can see his Eastern European ancestry. He reminds me of several foreign exchange students my friends and I crushed on in high school :)

Still, I wasn't quite sure. It was hard to see Sadowski in Walter's shoes because of the role he was playing in this sitcom, and due to the fact that I was unfamiliar with any of his other work. But I kept him at the top of the nonexistent list I had made of "Walter muses."

I did my homework...watched SHE'S THE MAN, a cute Shakespearean farce about a girl posing as a boy at school. Sadowski played Paul, the "gay best friend" and hairdresser of Viola, the main character. Seeing Sadowski with blonde highlights in his hair and daintily eating a french fry one tiny bite at a time certainly did wonders for my ability to see him as "gay" and "bigender", but it wasn't until I saw his work on an episode of the short-lived and otherwise forgettable series LAX that I became convinced. "Yeah, that's Walter." In LAX, he played a 20 year old from Uzbekistan who had run away from home after being beaten by his father---simply for being gay. Sadowski's hair was dark, no blonde highlights. And he wasn't wearing any flamboyant fashions. But his performance of this character was wonderful, the polar opposite of the comedic, hapless son on $#*! My Dad Says. And it then became very easy to see him as Walter...a character who is masculine and feminine at the same time...eyeliner, emo makeup/jewelry, hair blondish or dyed pitch black, sensitive, insecure, headstrong.

Here is a Youtube of the LAX episode:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1wW5...

I know I always speak of, "Physical muses" but the personalites that come through on certain acting roles inspire me to further shape a character. If Chris Evans wasn't such a human being as well as the stunner he is, he wouldn't have been the muse for "Tammy." Pretty boys with no personality never fare well in my scorebook.

There is so much I could say about "Walter". I don't even know where to begin. Walter is a person who has had a very complicated life, not just a complicated gender identity. He is physically disabled, which only adds to the challenge. Top all of that with the challenges that Monty brings to the table. Once I decided Sadowski was the "guy for the job", it has been a million times easier writing "Bright", and a joy to picture him and Ewan as the faces that go with the names.

Looking back at Crush...what would I do differently?

What lead to me writing "Crush"? Well, it's hard to say. Millions of things, really. From 1993 to 2009, I enjoyed a fulfilling nursing career, made really decent money, spent a lot of my spare time either sleeping or watching movies. As early as 2000 I began to notice my health beginning to change. I suffered strange falls at work. Once I was running around with a unit of red blood cells in one hand and the paperwork in another, and I suddenly just fell. I didn't black out or faint...I just fell THUD! I began to notice fatigue, muscle weakness and horrible migraines that had me calling off work.

I remember an emotional change too, a severe bout of depression following a family dispute, and later that year, worsening in the aftermath of 9/11. It became so that if I wasn't at work, I was asleep, desperately hoping to recuperate for my next shift. In spite of several antidepressants, my depression worsened until I began to loathe the very idea of leaving the house for any reason. I came to hate the very career I worked so hard to attain. In 2005, after a 27 hour hospice shift, I fell down a flight of stairs, sustaining leg and spinal injuries that, while not severe enough to paralyze me, were enough to leave me in chronic pain. Still, I kept on, until April of 2009, when I fell on duty at a hospice patients house, injuring both knees and shoulders. I tried to work for another month after that, and found it impossible.

A year later my financial difficulties forced me to relinquish my independence, and I moved in with family, certain that this was the beginning of the end for me. I felt worthless, and my efforts to get any kind of workman's comp, disability or even government assistance to help pay for medical bills were in vain.

About 4 months after my move, I began to write a story, and at first, it was quite a dark and depressing "redux" on a novel I had written years prior. From 1990 to 2003, I had written a novel called "Unspoken Request", about 2 abused children who fall in love, but that book was lost forever when my computer crashed. I tried to retrieve the book, but the disk was also lost. When I began to write again in August 2010, the new story was completely unlike the novel I'd lost. I don't know why I began writing, but I just had to write. It must have been some kind of therapeutic need I had.

At first, the story that would eventually become "Crush" was quite short, a story of 2 men who meet and fall in love. Again, it was very grim, and when the crime occured, the outcome was far less uplifting. I had no concrete intentions to publish this story, then titled "Touch The Spindle", but as I kept writing, I kept adding, and I kept building on the characters until I had something that made me say, "I need to publish this." The ending was changed drastically, because I felt a change occuring within myself, a change from bleak and negative to bright and positive.

Before penning "Crush", I had been reading gay erotica and remembering 2 gay men in Idaho who I'd taken care of during my hospice career. One of them was dying of bone cancer, and his family was very hateful and ostracizing of the man's lover. In spite of this, both men refused to kowtow to the family's protests, and remained together until the patient died. It was my first real-life look at homophobia, and at resilience.

In the nearly 2 years since I first began to write "Crush", I have gone through tremendous changes within. Admittedly, my education about the LGBT communities was rather limited (to what I'd seen on Queer As Folk, Noah's Arc, and the like) at the beginning of this journey. I was a "layman" and my writing reflects this. It's almost as if, in writing this book, I was hoping to reach out beyond the "choir" and touch the hearts of those who believe homosexuality is a sin, that gay marriage is against God's will, and that those who don't fit into hetero "normal" parameters are unfit to have basic civil rights, families, or the right to just walk down the road without being harassed, bashed or murdered. I believed that the language of the layman might be an advantage to those who might be willing to open their hearts and learn. Such naivete. As I told a new friend, there are very few supporters of DOMA and NOM, very few advocates of hate mongerers like Fred Phelps and Rev. Worley who will READ my book, much less get something from it. When I began to talk about my new book and my plans to publish, my own Aunt treated me to homophobic fire and brimstone condemnation.

My nursing career must have left me so exhausted that I just didn't have the time or the ability to look at the world around me and learn from it. I've since become a sponge, readily absorbing everything. Only after the production and publication of "Crush" have I learned the meanings of the words, "demisexual" "pansexual" "asexual" "aromantic" "lithromantic" "neutrois" "agender" "trigender" and many more. I have made my share of booboos. Once I commented on a youtube video about Sheldon Cooper of THE BIG BANG THEORY that asexuals can be attracted to people too, even sexually. What I should have said, of course, is "romantically" not "sexually". I am learning the differences between sexual attraction and romantic/aesthetic attraction, and the importance of NOT generalizing and assuming something about someone based on what community they are part of. I am learning about sexual orientation vs. gender identity.

I am learning lots of things. And it's good to learn. I like being a person who wants to learn about the world I live in. How sad it is to be a person so narrow minded and dependent on a set of regimented beliefs and man-made morals that they don't feel confident enough to use the brain they were given, by "God", by evolution, by whatever, to use their common sense.

What would I do different if I had the opportunity to write "Crush" over? Not much. I think of Crush as part of my own personal journey to who I am now. It's OK that I didn't fill it with all those great words that I now know. Why? Because like myself, "Tammy" and "Jamie" were not truly familiar with themselves or the community they would one day call their own. They were both "green", struggling with fear, doubt, shame and all the things they'd been force fed in church about how their feelings for each other were "sinful." Their journey has been my journey.

I do regret one thing. In the back of the book, I had listed resources for LGBT, queer and questioning youth. And because of the animal rights plot in "Crush", I also listed several of those organizations. I forgot one very important group, children affected by sexual and other abuse. I didn't mean to exclude the children, and now my CreateSpace paperback has those organizations listed.

Other than that, I wouldn't change Crush for the world. It's elementary language and viewpoints are sincere, which makes it all the more sad that those who will not open their hearts/minds and learn that love is better than hate will never read it. And I know that no matter what my intentions are, there will always be the risk that someone will "take" Crush the wrong way, or find it offensive in some way. I have a very thin skin still yet, and sometimes I've felt so stupid, like I never should have written/published it. I'm sure many writers/authors have had days where they feel like they should have remained silent.

But if we keep silence, our stories will not be told, and there are so many stories that need to be told to the world today. We're living in a very important era. No matter who may or may not like what I write, we need positive stories. I wrote Crush with nothing but the best intentions and a sincere empathy in my heart for all who are persecuted for not conforming to the standards of the "moral" majority.

I am glad I wrote "Crush" and grateful...I can say without any dramatics that it literally changed my life. It saved my life.

This was a long one, wasn't it? :)

Hardcover from Lulu with new cover art...

http://www.lulu.com/shop/laura-susan-...

Just thought I'd share the new cover art. This book previously had a beautiful blue cloud/ocean art on its front and back cover, but those were stock photos that Lulu had in their gallery. Several other authors had used those photos for their books, and I thought I'd create a new cover that was more unique and pertinent to the book.

My plans for this hardcover are thus: I am going to buy a bulk supply of them and sell them online, maybe thru ebay, at a discount. I won't be able to do this for a while, but later this year.

My hardcover contains the final edit of the USA version of Crush, but the back of the book does not have links to resources about child abuse, and going back to add them to the non-user-friendly editor on Lulu proved too difficult. The LBGT and animal rights links are there, but not the child abuse links.