Rachel Lynn Brody's Blog, page 21

Burnz Night

What Would Ron Swanson Do? (On Burns Night)

I have no right to feel this awesome this morning. (Yes, I’m posting this at 1:38pm+, but I started it at ten minutes to noon.)

Back to how awesome I feel this morning.

Seriously.

I woke up, looked at my makeup-smeared face in the mirror, and thought, “Why the $*!^ don’t I feel like pukking my guts out right now?”

Last night was Burns Night. If you’re not familiar, it’s the celebration of the birthday of Scotland’s favorite (favourite?) poetic son, Robert “Rabbie” Burns. Traditional celebrations include a haggis, recitation of poetry, imbibing of Scotch (known as “whisky,” and yes, that distinction has fucked up my ability to read “whiskey” menus in America without disappointment) and general merriment.

We don’t do it quite like that in Manhattan. I mean, the general merriment, yes, and the strong drinks, of course, but as all celebrants of festivals far from their land of origin must, we had to make certain accommodations.

For starters, getting a haggis would involve either cooking one from scratch or having a Scottish friend mail one over, and for enders, the FemiNest (as @EmmyNash has christened our rather humble abode) will fit about four people comfortably, six in a pinch. Not the place for entertaining, nor for cooking complicated dishes.

Hello, Mustachioed Truck

Instead, our Manhattan Burnz Night involved incredible chocolates from Burdick’s

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Did you know Robert Burns worked in Jamacia? So Red Stripe? Totally appropriate. Also: CHOCOLATE. REALLY FANCY WHISKY CHOCOLATE. It’s in the box under the book of poetry. Which didn’t include “Ode to a Haggis.” WTF? Thankful for google and data plans.

(more on that when I get around to blogging my trip to Boston, though most of that will be about ROBOTS), Walker’s Scottish Shortbread, Red Stripe beer (as I was reliably informed by Ms. Nash that Mr. Burns worked on a plantation in Jamacia, I’ve decided both Red Stripe and Rum can be added to the list of Approved Burnz Night Beverages)…and then a train ride, through snow, to The Whiskey Brooklyn.

The place is basically magic. I won’t get into specifics, as that could be a blog unto itself, but the staff was friendly and understanding, our waitress took awesome care of us as our party grew and changed over the evening, and the food was exactly what was needed, for exactly the right price.

The company was great. A few friends I hadn’t seen in a while, some of @EmmyNash’s pals, and friends-of-friends mixed together to create the perfect party atmosphere, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

The evening ended at a late-but-reasonable hour, my cab got me home safely and quickly, and I woke up this morning feeling far awesomer than I had any right to (as noted above).

 

Definitely making this into a yearly tradition.

 

 

YUM. GREEN JUICE.

 

 

 

Panic Attacks Suck

Obligatory vague, moody photograph.

It wasn’t till I read my therapist’s email that I realized I’d been having a panic attack.

“[X] can help stop racing thoughts,” wrote my counselor, replying to a message where I explained I didn’t know what to do, and something was wrong, because I was at work and I couldn’t stop crying. And I hated myself, and I couldn’t do anything right, and I could think of about two things that might make me feel better, and they were not positive, healthy things. I’d been back and forth to the bathroom multiple times, trying to hide the fact that I was falling apart for no reason from my colleagues.

I didn’t know it was a panic attack.

That sounds strange. Didn’t know? It feels strange, to type – that a thing happened to me, a thing that’s happened before, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. But then, that’s anxiety for you. What my counselor said about racing thoughts made me focus more on the qualities of the thoughts, rather than their content, and that was when I flipped from thinking, “this is a depression issue, it came out of nowhere, and I’m fucking terrified because I thought my medication was working” to “Oh. Anxiety attack. So that’s what it was.”

When I’m in the midst of a panic attack, I don’t think of these thoughts as “racing” anywhere, I suppose. They careen back and forth in my head: the critical self-hatred, hopelessness, rebellious nihilism.

Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this. It’s a basic mantra, and nonetheless comforting – in the same way wrapping your arms around your knees and rocking back and forth in the corner of a dark room can be comforting. It’s about battening down the hatches, shutting off the inputs. Isolate everything. Deal with one thing at a time.

Only you can’t, because there are shit-flinging monkeys of the mind flinging shit back and forth in your brain.

Fuck this fuck this fuck this. Fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this. And then, as the mantra fades, the repetition falls into a more familiar pattern. Hopelessness, disgust, dread. Self-loathing.

Panic attacks are good at sneaking up. What they suck at is sticking around once they’ve been identified.

It took multiple trips to the bathroom, a metric shit-ton of Kleenex, kind words from friends and a matter-of-fact email from a mental health professional to do it, but I’m glad to say, once that fucker got named it split in two and turned to stone.

I’ve spent three hours writing this blog (you have no idea how many times I’ve deleted everything and gone back to the start), and I’m still not sure how to bring it to a close.

So yeah. Panic attacks suck. Don’t have them.

But if you must (and sometimes, many of us must)…make sure to have them around someone who’ll tell you to call your doctor.

THEATER REVIEW: Midsummer [a play with songs] by David Greig at the Clurman Theater, NYC

David Greig’s protagonists sit on a park bench in his play Midsummer [a play with words], drinking and aligning themselves with a ragtag group of teenage Goths. It’s an example of how this play captures the strange, free-forming social constellations I will always associate with Edinburgh in the summer.

Helena (Cora Bissett) and Bob (Matthew Pidgeon), who started their association as participants in a raucous one-night stand, are now spending a wad of cash that’s fallen into their laps – a recurring theme, in Scottish drama, now that I think of it (Danny Boyle’s Millions and Trainspotting come immediately to mind). As their bender progresses, the audience is brought into the experience of the festival city’s summertime discombobulation, always maintaining sight of the wider beauty and spirit Edinburgh offers both residents and visitors when the weather is warm.

Midsummer premiered in 2007 – coincidentally, my last summer in the city where it takes place – and is therefore dislocated from its context in three ways during its current NYC run: in time, in distance and in theatrical context. To see a breathtaking production during the Edinburgh Fringe’s unceasing barrage of plays is a singular experience, particularly if one has already seen dozens of shows. Measures of quality warp over the course of three weeks spent viewing productions back-to-back, and to see a show that found success there performed outside of the Fringe is more like tasting whisky after cleansing your palate than not.

Midsummer is an example of modern Scottish theater in many ways. In its opening, Greig’s language is rich and rhythmic, poetic and intense. This eases somewhat as the production continues, and it’s missed, but perhaps appropriate that as we learn the characters of Helena and Bob, they and Greig rely less on words and more on the knowledge we’ve gained throughout the production.

Under Greig’s direction, Bissett and Pidgeon’s depiction of the physical nature of the production and the visceral emotion of connecting with someone else blend into one. The set – resembling a bed, though at times Georgia McGuiness’ design seems more of a jungle gym (Japanese rope bondage!) – features panels and flip-out sections that enrich the specifics of each of the play’s settings; since the set itself is featured throughout the production it’s no small feat to transport the audience with each of its iterations.

As a “play with songs,” Midsummer features interwoven verses and small choruses that lift the audience from the immediate action and into a space that contemplates the individual experiences of the two characters, as well as the nostalgia it brings to anybody who’s resided there through an Edinburgh summer. While the play may not offer deep social commentary or revolutionize theater, it’s a fair representation of professional Scottish theatre – and a high-quality one, to boot. It may not be Black Watch, but Midsummer highlights a far less flashy tradition of Scottish storytelling in a way that’s accessible to audiences in both Scotland and abroad.

“Midsummer [a play with songs]“ can be seen at the Clurman Theatre, New York, NY, from January 9-26, 2013.

The 99 Report: Gun Discussion

From http://www.sigsauer.com/CatalogProduc....

Just finished up a discussion with the ever-delightful Allie McNeil (@watergatesummer) over on her podcast/internet radio show, “The 99 Report.”  Check it out if you have the time – I call in about 8 minutes into the broadcast and we chat for the full show.

There’s a brief technical mishap midway through, but we got things back up and running within a few minutes, so don’t let that put you off the rest of the show.

Take a listen – we discuss gun violence, Gabby Giffords and her new SuperPAC, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Breaking Bad, Columbine, my award-winning first play (1999′s POST), connections between art and violence, conversations on twitter and more.

Happy New Year! Where I’ve been, and where I’m going in 2013.

Photo Credit: Leah Alconcel

I hope you and yours had a wonderful end of 2012 and rang in the new year with more enthusiasm than I did – I conked out a little after 11pm EST and didn’t manage to greet 2013 until about 9am this morning.

Time for a quick look back, and a longer look ahead.

2012 was a packed year. I published HOT MESS, had short stories featured on blogs and in Amazon E-Book collections, put together a collection of Zombie Haiku, talked a lot about feminism and vaginas (both here and in public), organized readings, took major artists to task over unethical business practices (with results!) and more.

It was a year of both excitement and disappointment, of keeping things in perspective, of working on myself and how I relate to the world. My cousin and his girlfriend got married, and I fell off the Low Sodium wagon hardcore shortly after (funny how having a size 14 dress to fit into can motivate a girl!).

I wrote about physics, I wrote about politics, I wrote about gun control, I broke 100K tweets (don’t know whether to be proud or embarrassed about that), I edited a novel, contributed to a round-robin short story, got some help prettying up the blog, shared my self-publishing experience, interviewed innovative theatre producers…

In other words, it’s been a busy year.

What’s up for 2013?

For the first time in years, I’m kicking off with a more-or-less clean slate. The writing projects I had planned to carry into this year are either at good resting points, or they’re not going forward due to external circumstances. I have an idea for a feature I’d like to play with, and I’d like to do more theatre work this year (last year, my short play MILLENNIAL EX was performed as part of Glasgay UK in a program of short works on marriage equality, and that’s re-whet my appetite for playwriting after a small break for other formats). I’m going to continue publishing my produced plays, which will join POST and Playing It Cool over on Amazon, just as soon as I lock down cover art for the new pieces (and by the way, if you’re interested in doing cover art for my plays, please let me know).

As I normally do around this time of year, I’m moving diet and health back to center stage: went grocery shopping yesterday and have gone back to only buying low sodium foods and healthy, nutritious snacks. We’ll see if that lasts much beyond my first day at work.

I spent a lot of time in 2012 on my mental health and well-being, and plan to keep moving forward with that in 2013.  I’d like to travel more, and have started trying to reconfigure finances so this is more than a pipe dream. I’d like to get more involved in activism and political issues – something I did more of in 2012 than I had in 2011, but still an area where I want to contribute in the future.

Thanks to everyone who helped make 2012 a memorable year – here’s to making new memories in 2013.

 

Don’t miss updates in 2013. Receive new blog entries via email by subscribing via the form to the left, or keep on top of my creative projects with previews and more via my mailing list. 

Let’s Talk About Guns

photo credit: ponsulak via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What is there to say about guns?

I don’t own one. I never have. My grandfather owns what I think of as a rifle (although given what I’ve learned about how I think about different types of guns, that may not be a specific enough term*) and the running joke is that when he has stories about crows, deer and other animals getting into his garden, you can always bet the story will end with, “And then I shot it.”

It didn’t make sense to me that one of the reasons people defended the use of “assault weapons” was because they were necessary for hunting. So I did what any self-respecting geek does.

I asked about it on Twitter. The tweet has, of this writing, had 111 retweets and 59 favorites. It also sparked a storm of replies, the answering of which has sent me over my rate limit three times in the last 18 hours.

 

Dear hunters who use assault weapons: please stand up and raise your hand, cuz I gotta hear that fiction. #nra

— Rachel Lynn Brody(@girl_onthego) December 14, 2012

 

A lot of replies were from angry NRA members and tackled one of my favorite topics – the specificity of language, and how we make it impossible for ourselves to communicate. As it turns out, the phrase “assault weapons” is read as an umbrella term by those who know their stuff – and it covers both legal semi-automatics (which can be modified into full automatics, although this is illegal) and illegal, expensive fully automatic rifles.

And a lot of people do use legal, semi-automatic guns for hunting. First surprise of the night. But hardly the last.

While some people replied to the tweet and discussion with blatant trolling, others stopped to get involved in the chat. I’ve been trying to keep track of those people, and have made a public list called “Discussing Guns” on twitter; I’ll update that list as I go.

After the first day or so of discussion, there are some points we seem to have found consensus on, from both sides of the debate. They are:

1. The 2nd Amendment right to bear arms is as fundamental to the US as the right to free speech, or the separation of church and state. Some gun owners had fast reactions to the conversation that came out as, “Don’t take away my gun.” My interest in the discussion was in no way related to the idea of taking away any guns that are already in the hands of responsible gun owners.

2. More gun control is not the same as better gun control. There was widespread consensus that what we need are more effective laws, not more regulation.

3.  Participants had vastly different opinions on what steps can be taken to achieve better gun control in America. This is an area where we need to have further civil discussion/brainstorming, and where innovative responses may be required. Thus far the conversation has included ideas from policewomen, volunteer fire fighters, ex-military and other NRA members, as well as hearing those who do not own or participate in a culture that includes guns as part of their everyday life. Suggestions have included SROs and arming teachers, better mental health checks, the idea of “ammo cards” and more. I raised a question about what kinds of penalties are currently in place for people who own guns but don’t secure them properly, since there are cases where guns are stolen from licensed users. It was pointed out that there are already background and mental health checks in place, although a statistic was brought up regarding gun sales for cash at shows. Statistics were presented on gun deaths vs. other kinds of deaths, although they were from 1997.

One serious issue I’ve noticed in this region of the debate is that for many people who don’t use guns, having children in close proximity to guns makes the children less safe, whereas those who are familiar with “gun culture” feel that there is more safety with guns around than not. This is an area where compromise might be challenging. Many on one side feel it is there right not to be in the presence of guns. I personally agree with that point of view. I can’t scream “fire!” in a crowded building despite having free speech – where does the limit of one person’s freedom end, and another person’s freedom begin? I don’t know how we can dig into this area of the discussion, and we may not be that far along yet, but it’s definitely something that needs to be looked at by both sides if progress is going to be made.

4. Mental Health Care is coming up over and over again. Everyone seems to agree that more care needs to be available for those with mental illness, as part of a responsible culture that includes gun ownership and use. So far there has been no notable resistence to the idea of developing a system in tandem with increased access to mental health care, although there is not consensus on what form that might take. Some have raised the question of how mental health care services could be improved while also being paid for. Definitely an area worth further discussion, and as both NRA members and mental health activists have an interest in providing better care to our country’s mentally ill, it might be worth it for them to have a narrow discussion around that issue.

This has been a long discussion that shows little sign of slowing down, and the way in which people are participating is, for me (and hopefully others) clearing up a lot of the questions I had about why there aren’t easy solutions to what seemed, until yesterday, to be an obvious no-brainer. I’m grateful for the participation of those who’ve joined in so far and looking forward to seeing where this conversation goes.

Finally, since this is a summary of an extended and multi-faceted discussion, I encourage you to come over to twitter and check things out if you want to take part or have a fuller understanding of the live discussion. If you’ve been taking part and feel like I’ve missed a nuance, please point it out in the comments or let me know on Twitter and I’ll make an edit.

And finally, because we all need a smile right now, check out this BuzzFeed article: Moments That Restored Our Faith In Humanity This Year.

 

 

*EDIT 12:58 EST – Just spoke to @Texasartchick, a police officer and firearms instructor who has offered to provide a more specific definition about types of guns mentioned in this article at her earliest opportunity. Check back/subscribe for comments. Thank you! And BuzzFeed is on a role with this new post.

Thoughts for @AmandaPalmer and Anthony

A while ago, I posted a blog entry about my feelings on Amanda Palmer and the controversy around her call for volunteer musicians.

Today, I learned that tour dates (excepting New Year’s Eve in NYC) for her current tour have been cancelled, due to the illness of her friend Anthony.

I respect Palmer for standing by her friend in his illness in despite and regardless of the logistical nightmare that will no doubt result. From her blog (boldface mine):

i don’t feel like i’m letting you down. i feel like i’m being the person you’d want me to be. 

i want to be the person who would cancel this tour. the person who would tell the whole truth, share the story, ask for forgiveness, and sit by her friend’s side, hold his hand in the hospital bed and fetch him hot water bottles to ease the chills while a bag of chemicals drips slowly into an IV in his arm. i know, if i were in that bed, he’d be by my side doing the same thing. about that, i have no doubt.

and whatever i’m learning, i’ll share it, eventually, in some way, with all of you. that is the way i work, and the way art works, and i need you to allow me to make this choice. to send me on my way with your permission…into wherever this adventure is taking me.

Amanda, I hope your friend’s treatment is successful.

Here is a story about successful cancer treatment in the case of a girl with leukemia, and here is a place where they research and investigate cancer treatments (also where my mom works).

Power and strength and love to Anthony, you, and the people you both care about in this difficult time.

#Solidarity. #Art. #Love.

“Oil Pulling” – What the Eff?

Late last night on Twitter, my friend Yoli (we met at the beach cleanup last summer) recommended a battling my current batch of The Ills with a technique called “Oil Pulling.”

After going to bed around ten thirty last night, I woke up at five with gross phlegmy ick, saw her tweet, and read this line: “Within 30 minutes of doing it, I thought I was in an episode of X Files with the neon stuff that came out of my nose.”

Sold and sold and SOLD.

I did some quick reading and saw that some people had good results using olive oil, which I had in the house (my sesame oil was, regrettably, toasted). Somewhere, someone said “put some peppermint oil in to help with the taste,” which was a lifesaver because olive oil on its own tastes really gross. I only managed to swish the oil in my mouth for about 5 minutes before I had to spit it out.

I didn’t get any X-Files horror effects, but my nose definitely did some extra dripping and I for the rest of the night (woke up again around 20, and moved on to battling the ills with Emergen-C, tea and juice.

So I’m declaring oil-pulling  a win, and preparing to head out for multi-vitamins and chicken soup.ten am) I could take a deep breath without sending myself into a coughing fit.

Related:

Yoli’s full blog entry about Oil Pulling.
Blog from the last time I got The Ills.

Jerry-rigged Low Sodium Ramen

After the other day’s thoughts about how hard it can be to find low sodium non-perishables in a storm, a discussion with a friend led to the above awesome idea: use the ramen noodles, chuck the seasoning packet (or save for the salt-starved in your household) and use a no-sodium alternative bullion.

This is probably one of those obvious things everyone else was already doing, isn’t it.

Heart Healthy in a Hurricane?

While I can hardly call my diet during Hurricane Sandy a healthy one, it struck me just how hard it is to find low-sodium foods that last and don’t require refrigeration.

Part of me thinks, well, it’s okay, because it’s just for a few days (in best-case scenarios) and besides, portion control is more effective when your available food gets limited. The other part of me just wants a frickin’ can of soup in my cupboard.

What’s a sodium-conscious person to do? Ramen, Campbell’s, Lipton – even Progresso’s so-called heart healthy/low sodium line has more sodium than I’d put in my body in one sitting if I had my head on straight. (Given that I ate a chocolate bar for dinner last night, it seems unfair to declare I have it on straight now.)

Since we have a potentially worrisome nor’easter blowing in this week, I’m trying to decide how to handle this. Buy no-sodium bullion and commit to a thin broth for a week? Load up on rice and pray the gas keeps working? At least it’s autumn in the northeast, so there are plenty of apples and long-lasting root vegetables easily accessed.

But it does make me wish there were more (legitimately) low salt options I could keep aside for emergencies.