Edward Lorn's Blog, page 16
February 23, 2017
My Semi-Fictional Life #144 (Beta Readers Needed for Short Story)
Hello peeps. My newest short story “There Were Other Versions of Us” is ready for beta readers. 8k words, about 27 pages, of understated cosmic horror. I need brutal honesty. Who wants it and what’s your preferred format?
See you tomorrow,
E.
Pic of the Day
From my seventh (yes you read that right – seventh!) playthrough of RE7…
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February 22, 2017
My Semi-Fictional Life #143 (“Fake Rape”)
Hello peeps. No, the title of today’s blog isn’t clickbait. Bear with me, please.
I like to think I’m socially-conscious. Despite what some may think, I’m not a social justice warrior insomuch as I agree blindly with the liberal masses. The recent Milo Yiannopoulos drama has people calling the guy a pedophile, which isn’t true, at least not at this time. These people do not understand the situation. If anything, the dude was a victim of a hebephilia, but I digress. That’s not why we’re here today. If you want more info, Google the above topics.
On to the topic of discussion. I have a story tentatively titled “Fake Rape”. Calm your engines, SJWs, I’m getting to my defense. And that defense is, you haven’t read the story so you have no idea what it’s about. At the same time, some of you will stay away from the story based on the title alone. I can see the rage-y blog posts now…
“Edward Lorn thinks all rape is fake!”
“Edward Lorn is a victim-shamer!”
“Edward Lorn believes rape victims shouldn’t be believed!”
Well, you’d be wrong on all accounts. The story tackles a very real kink that is rarely discussed outside of niche-erotic-fiction markets. Namely, rape fantasies. I met a fellow author, a female, who was deep into the world of rape fantasies. This intrigued me. Anything I don’t understand I immediately want to research. So I did. Now that I am on several government watch lists (kidding, but I’m sure if someone seized my harddrive they’d have several questions for me, hehe), I’ve come to the conclusion that, while rape fantasies are a niche genre, the genre does sell quite well. Meaning, there’s enough people interested in rape fantasies to support an erotica sub-genre. Did I write a rape fantasy? Fuck no. Not my bag, kids. Sorry. But I have written a story that is, at its base, about someone who enjoys such fantasies.
My question to you is, would you read a story titled “Fake Rape”? Here’s the scenario: You’re reading through an anthology of various authors when you come across a story called “Fake Rape” written by an author you do not know. Forget that you know me. Forget that you know my politics. Do you read the story? If so, why? If not, why?
Let me know in the comments, wherever this post might find you.
See you tomorrow,
E.
Pic of the Day
Shitty pic of recent purchases…
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February 21, 2017
My Semi-Fictional Life #142 (A Review of GOODMAN’S BAD DAY)
Mike Crane is a longtime internet friend of mine. I’ve read several of his pieces, blurbed one of his novellas, and have always given my honest opinion of anything I’ve read of his. This review will be no different.
I enjoyed this weird little book, but it is not without its problems. I found there to be too much hyperbole in the writing that distracted from my enjoyment in places. Mind you, this is about the worst day yet in one man’s life, so perhaps the hyperbole is warranted. I’ll let you decide.
The book is just as cartoon-y as the cover alludes. Every bad thing that happens to Benjamin Goodman (who constantly brought to mind one of my favorite bandleaders, Benny Goodman) is exaggerated, especially concerning how his shitty mother treats him. I’m currently reading The Nix, which has a much more subtle yet equally upsetting mother, and I can’t help but compare the two.
All of Crane’s villains all come off like this: over-the-top, goofy versions of bad guys. The multitude of baddies Ben encounters weren’t upsetting. They were silly. While that could work for you, for me it lessened the impact of this tale of one man trying to find the courage to stand up for himself. Still, I liked Ben. He was a good dude, if a little timid. Reminded me of someone else I know.
Never did I want to set the book aside, so that’s a plus. It reads easily enough, if a little simply. You can also say that Crane was shooting for simple because the book is about a simple life in turmoil, but again, I prefer a deeper prose experience when reading slice-of-life stories. That’s subjective, though. Crane gets his points across, and that’s all that really matters.
At the end of the day, this is a first novel from a short story author and it feels that way; much like a short story that slightly overstays its welcome. I found some whole sections could have been cleaved from the main text without losing anything. For example: the repetition of all events leading up to a certain event was unneeded. The reader knows what happened. We read it for ourselves. No need to make us read a lengthy, page-long paragraph retelling all of it to a detective. A simple, “Benjamin told the detective everything that had happened up until that point” would have sufficed. While that might sting my buddy’s ego, it is my honest opinion, which I’m sure he’ll appreciate at the end of the day.
In summation: Goodman’s Bad Day: A Novel is a fun book with writing accessible enough to please the most casual of readers. If you like the cover, you’ll love this book.
Final Judgment: One wholly-cartoon-y, exaggerated, terrible day in the life of a good man.
NOTE: While I bought and read the ebook version of this book, Mike was kind enough to send me a signed copy in the mail. This did not affect my rating in any way.
See you tomorrow,
E.
Pic of the Day
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February 20, 2017
My Semi-Fictional Life #141 (Help, please?)
Hello peeps. Last time I asked for this kind of help, CRUELTY happened, so please read.
The tally of rejections from publishers for my novel SLASHER LIVE, based on word count alone, has risen this day to seven. I have now completely exhausted all publishing houses accessible to me for this project. I have three more I haven’t heard from, but it’s been over six months since I queried or submitted, so it’s safe to say that I will not be hearing from them. This build of the book is 135,000 words, and seven of eight publishers I’ve submitted to have sent me rejection slips in which they admit they didn’t bother to read the book. “It’s over our cord-count limit,” is what I’m hearing from publishers who tout “We take novels of all sizes”. Only one publisher so far has rejected it based on content, but they did not comment on what aspect of the book drove their decision.
So I have three options:
Shelve the project and move on.
Serialize the novel, like I did with CRUELTY, in order to finance the editing, because a book this size costs thousands.
Start a crowd-funding campaign for the book.
Honestly, I don’t like any of these options.
Shelving a book this long would hurt my heart, as I’m sure anyone can understand. I’ve pumped a year of my life into this book, and to date, it’s the only book or story I’ve enjoyed of mine that I haven’t been able to find a home for. I don’t think the book is shit, and I’ve always been a semi-decent judge of my output. In fact, in my opinion, this is one of the best books I’ve written. Had the majority of publishers rejected the book for content, this would be an easy decision. Into a trunk it would be flung and I’d move on with my life.
Next, serializing any big project is a fucking headache. You think waiting on CRUELTY was a pain in the ass? Imagine having to chop up a 150,ooo word novel, have each part edited separately, create covers and formatting for ten episodes, and then also work on the omnibuses and audiobooks. Yeah. It sucked. Worth it after the fact, but still a gargantuan pain in the ass. But I’m willing to do suck it up and do it, that is, if enough people are willing to buy the installments. Because if the installments don’t sell, I don’t have the funds to edit the next part or the part after that or the part after that, and so on.
Thirdly, even though the IndieGoGo campaign for CRUELTY was a success, it was a bitch trying to fill all of the perks. I had issues with an artist I worked with (not Linton Bowers, he was amazing, but other drama behind the scenes), and numerous other headaches. Also, it can be unbearably depressing and embarrassing to seek funding for a project and see it fail, as there’s no guarantee that anyone will give much of a shit for something they have yet to read.
Finally, if any of you have a line on a publisher who publishes ventures of 135-150k words (because the novel might grow while I sit on it… that’s been known to happen anyway), lemme know and I’ll submit. If not, I fear this one’s going in a drawer.
At the end of the day, I work for you, the readers, so please go here and vote:
https://www.poll-maker.com/poll990110xB0494A55-41
Or comment wherever this post might find you and I’ll add you to the poll.
See you tomorrow,
E.
Pic of the Day
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February 19, 2017
My Semi-Fictional Life #140 (Can you separate the art from the artist?)
Hello peeps. I had a great discussion with my GR friend Karl over separating the art from the artist that morphed into a discussion about social awkwardness and the corruption of fame, among other things. You can read about that in the comment of my GR challenge HERE.
If you’re a Goodreads member, feel free to join in on the conversation there, or comment here on whether or not you can separate the art from the artist. In most cases, I can. If the artist is only an asshole and has not harmed anyone, like a Norman Mailer type, than I can overlook the asshole and enjoy the art. If the artist is a rapist, murderer, or pedophile, enjoying the art is harder to justify, given that supporting the art could in turn support things I feel strongly against.
I would love to hear your thoughts.
See you tomorrow,
E.
Video of the Day
February 18, 2017
My Semi-Fictional Life #139 (A Review of THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP)
The idea that men and women are equal seems to me a basic truth. What sets us apart, medically, is our reproductive organs. Yes, you can have gender reassignment surgery, but a person born a man cannot carry a child conceived using one of that man’s eggs because he doesn’t produce eggs. Science has a long way to go on that advancement, if anyone is even working on it. Likewise, no person born a woman is out there fertilizing an egg with her semen, because she does not produce semen. So, when speaking about medical classification, our reproductive organs are the only things that separate us. You can joke and giggle and play the men-are-dumber card. I know I have, because there seems to be loads of evidence that we are, in fact, dumber, or, at the very least, slower to think and quicker to act, but there is no scientific proof that, say, a man’s brain is smaller or less active than a woman’s. (If you argue this in the comments make sure to back up your findings with cited proof. Thank you.) You can even say women are more emotional, which isn’t a negative in my book, but that’s not true either. Men are trained from a very early age not to have emotions, so we only seem heartless in comparison. “Stop crying! Be a man!” our fellow men bellow, and we salute our Generals in Masculinity with our throbbing erections and a call of “SIR! YES, SIR!” Okay, I’m done man-splaining. On with the review…
The World According to Garp deals with all of the above topics: feminism (which isn’t militant man-hating, guys, it’s the idea that both genders matter equally in society, so calm your man-tits), sexual identity, and masculinity. The book is surprisingly forward thinking in regards to the year in which it was published and the fact that it was written by a man. But of course I would think that. I’m a dude. I will only ever be a dude. Yet I have only ever read short-sighted or overtly-preachy diatribes from male authors on these topics. John Irving isn’t sensitive in such a way as to come off as pandering. He truly seems to care and understand that everyone should be treated equally. Meaning, I do not believe he sat around after completing this book gloating over how progressive and clever he was in his writing of it.
The novel also deals with female rape from a man’s point of view. Yes, men can be raped, too, but that’s not what Irving is talking about. He discusses how men deal emotionally with the rape of a female loved one. Specifically how some men will go into hyperactive protection mode, which can be as emotionally harmful for their loved one as the rape itself. Male or female, you can never truly fathom emotionally the violation of rape unless you have been in that situation. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
Furthermore, Garp touches on something I’ve believed for as long as I can remember: that rape is worse than murder. Kill someone and they are gone, they no longer exist anywhere but memory. Their life is over and only their loved ones are left behind to deal with the tragedy of loss. Someone who is murdered is no longer hurting; they cannot hurt as they no longer feel, emotionally or physically. But rape, if survived, leaves that individual to deal with the past on a daily basis. Every day can be a recurring nightmare. You relive the assault over and over and over, until you wish and beg and plead that your rapist had just fucking killed you. There are no murder victims sitting around praying to be raped to get away from their own minds.
In summation: This is a pitch-perfect book that deals with tough issues respectfully. Not necessarily sensitively, but respectfully. There is a difference. You might be triggered upon reading, but I’m betting you and Irving alike would appreciate your bravery for making it to the end. But what do I know? I’m just a dude. Read at your own risk.
Final Judgment: Powerful, engaging, thought-provoking, intelligent, and immensely entertaining to read.
See you tomorrow,
E.
Pic of the Day
My good friend and penpal Jason made this for me. Thank you, sir. You are an immensely talented dude and I will forever cherish it.
*Note: the crocheted bomb between Pennywise’s legs is a little joke between Jason and myself.
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February 17, 2017
My Semi-Fictional Life #138 (A Quote)
“You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.”
― David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest
See you tomorrow,
E.
Pic of the Day
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My Semi-Fictional Life #137 (Gender of Book Bloggers)
Hello peeps. Today my interest has been piqued by a friendly debate between book bloggers on Twitter. I hope I link to all these properly, but they might not show up on other platforms like Goodreads, as I have been experiencing image errors over there with every blog I’ve shared recently. If you’re reading on GR, you can click through to this post on my blog if you want, but the gist of the topic should be clear enough without the images.
So here’s the dealio, if you can dig it: Brian’s Book Blog on Twitter sent out this string of tweets.
I'm also the minority as a male reviewer. I can find 99 women book reviewers for every 1 male. (ahem @MikeH5856 you're one of the few!)
— Brian's Book Blog (@brians_books) February 15, 2017
Which garnered this response from Erin Al-Mehari.
@brians_books @MikeH5856 @AdrianShotbolt @davidwspell @Zdubbz_at_TMOM @GRolfeHorror @EdwardLorn 95% all the reviewers I work with male.
— Erin Al-Mehairi
February 15, 2017
My Semi-Fictional Life #136 (No More Bat-Fleck?)
Hello peeps. Today I wanna talk movie news.
Rumor has it that Ben Affleck not only will not direct THE BATMAN but he might want out of the role altogether. Again, just rumors, but it fits when you take into account how publicly disinterested he’s been.
He was quoted as saying that he would not direct the film if it “isn’t great”. Suddenly he’s not directing, which is making everyone look back on his quote to assume the movie is “isn’t great” after all. Could it be that the film is so bad that he no longer wants to be attached to the project whatsoever? That is not outside the realm of possibility.
I will add this. Ben Affleck, to date, is the only actor, in my opinion, to pull off both Batman and Bruce Wayne. Keaton was a tremendous Bats, and Bale was a great Wayne, but Keaton lacked the sex appeal to pull off Wayne and Bale was rubbish (yeah, I fuckin’ said it) as Mumble-Bats. Affleck nailed both sides of the character. He was a juicy steak in the pile of offal that was BvS.
What do you think?
See you tomorrow,
E.
Pic of the Day
I did not create this hilarious pic, nor do I own it…
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February 13, 2017
My Semi-Fictional Life #135 (Meet The Ists)
The Ists on Schrodinger’s Cat:
Optimist – The cat’s alive.
Pessimist – The cat’s dead.
Realist – Open the box and let’s see.
Nihilist – Whether or not the cat is alive means nothing.
Racist – Sure hope the cat ain’t black.
Alarmist – THE CAT MIGHT BE A BOMB!
Physicist – You know this experiment isn’t only about the cat, right? It has as much to do with the decay of the radioactive isotope in the box and… never mind. Google it.
There you have it: The Ists. Not all of them chimed in this time. Several stayed out of this conversation, like Anarchist and Marxist and Zionist… but maybe they’ll join us next time. Who knows, maybe I’ll make a comic out of this. Let me know what you think of The Ists and give me a topic for them to offer their opinions on.
See you tomorrow,
E.
Pic of the Day
The greatest villains of all time!
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