Edward Lorn's Blog, page 110

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Life After Dane, by Edward Lorn

Coming 2013

A Review of Kattpacalypse

I know I said I was on break, but last night I watched Katt Williams’s new stand up special and feel I need to say a few words about it. I bought the show because I needed a break from writing that I could share with my wife. I use to love Katt’s unique brand of humor, not to mention how dirty he could be while maintaining an intelligent show. If you don’t like Katt, or never plan on watching his latest stand-up performance, don’t bother reading this review. I know he’s not everyone’s cup-o-tea, as it were.

I cannot imagine I’ve ever seen a train wreck as tragically bad as Kattpacalypse, either literally or figuratively. Katt Williams was once a comedic god who used scathingly funny observations to make society and politics understandable to ones that may not get the jokes dropped by Jon Stewart or Lewis Black. He was an every-man’s comic, loved by intelligent people and the uninformed alike. But this… my, how the mighty have fallen. It would be easy to say that Katt just lost his way, that he forgot how to entertain, how to tell a joke, but to see the Whitney Houston-type sweat pouring off him, to hear him ramble and rave like a madman (yes the term is cliché, but here, it’s apt) is upsetting. I did laugh, but I could count those moments when I did on one hand. His views are confusing and stretched, the act full of end of the world scenarios and eschewed viewpoints such as, but not limited to: Homosexuality is all right, as long as you’re a woman; NASA is leading a secret mission to a “Super-Earth” where there will be no black people because white people are going to sneak away on rocket ships; Atheists are “retarded” and 2012 will be the year all this goes down. Not to mention, his vulgar, curse laden delivery (I actually enjoy blue humor more than any other brand) intertwined with religious rhetoric and propaganda. If he truly is a Christian I cannot believe how a sane person can be that abrasive and filthy of mouth while believing God won’t have a problem with it. Katt goes on to speak poorly of Conrad Murray, while in Katt’s last show, Katt confessed he’d like to see Michael Jackson “dealt with” because he believed the performer a pedophile. These are just a few of Katt’s many double statements and lunatic ravings. One of our greatest comedic minds is suffering, whether it be drug or stress induced, I don’t know, but you can just look at Katt, how he’s aged in the face, and see something has gone horribly wrong in only three short years. Add in all the news of Katt walking out of shows and his impromptu stripteases followed by push-up sessions, and it makes you wonder how much longer Katt Williams will be among the living. I feel like I just watched a cry for help, not a comedy show.

Ruminating On: A Blog Break

Hey, guys. 

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m taking a much needed break from Ruminating On. I have too much going on this month with writing duties, so I can’t focus my efforts properly enough here. I will be back in December.

Later!

E.

Ruminating On: Rape

We’ve all heard the talking-heads screw up over the course of this electorial season. Be it them calling it legitimate rape, or a case of buyer’s remorse, I really couldn’t care less. Rape is rape. No means no. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, but I do have a question for our society as a whole. Is rape ever justifiable?

Whoa now, come on back. Let me get to my point before you create a meme about how Edward Lorn thinks rape is justified. It’s easy to take someone out of context when you don’t listen, or read, as in this case, so sit back and finish this blog before you go off half-cocked.

Now, rape victims are not solely female. They are the majority, but women are not the only ones being raped. The same goes for rapists. Not every sexual deviant is male. For you ladies that do not understand how that’s possible, given the mechanics of a man’s parts, let me explain. A penis is a confused soul. Just because I have an erection does not mean I have an idea where it wants to go. Sometimes, things just pop up. Given the proper stimulus by a man, a woman, or the inside of my underwear, tents are pitched. It’s a fact of life all of us guys live with. There have been several documented cases regarding men who have been taken forcibly. Sure, it doesn’t happen often, but, as with some women, I would assume it’s not reported because of the attention received afterward. Some female rape victims will not report because they feel people will look at them like they deserved it, that they had it coming, or maybe that they are now dirty and unacceptable in humanity’s eyes. For a man, I believe it comes down to sheer embarrassment. I’m sure both genders share that last one, but what guy wants to tell anyone he didn’t want sex? There must be something wrong with him, right? Well, now that I’ve typed all that… maybe both genders take rape the same exact way. This is why I call this blog Ruminating On. Because, for the most part, I’m still considering all aspects while I’m writing.

On to the meat of this post. So, we know that just because a guy is aroused it doesn’t mean he wants to have sex with the person doing the arousing. But what about justifiable rape? Is there such a thing? Some of society thinks so, and they’re not solely the rapists. I recently saw a Facebook post from a woman touting the message, “Rape is rape. No means NO!” But then I saw another, more fascinating post from the same individual. It reads: “Inmates should be allowed to sexually assault pedophiles and rapists.” That’s not an exact quote, but that was the message. She used some colorful language describing homosexual men that I don’t think brings anything to the message she was trying to convey. So, in this woman’s eyes, rape is all right, is acceptable, if it’s used as a tool for retribution. Herm… makes me think. What happened to “Rape is rape,” and “No means NO!” Now, I would say this is a single person’s view point, but this lady’s feed and thread were filled with emphatic people commenting on how right she was and how socially acceptable that instance of rape would be. Most of these people liked, shared and commented on her most recent post as well. So, is it acceptable for a pedophile and a rapist to be sexually assaulted in prison, or even in the world when they get out? This mindset goes back to capital punishment, as well. If someone kills another human being, should we kill them back? Better yet, these people that wish rape onto sexual deviants, would they, themselves, rape these people given the chance? Would that make them just as sick and twisted as the miscreant they so abhor? I don’t know. I’m asking you. Should the action of rape entail no double standard? If it’s wrong, should it be wrong in any instance? You tell me. I live in the comments section.

E.

What the Dark Brings on sale for $.99 until Halloween!!!

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LaBB: Day Thirty-four

Losing a Backstreet Boy – Day Thirty-four: 371lbs

Only one pound dropped in nine days. Ah, the plateau effect. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, the plateau effect is when you taper off in your weight loss. There are plenty of reasons for this. A few can be associated with your body growing accustomed to the exercise or diet you’re currently on, as well as replacing fat with muscle. I believe I suffer from both. I can see a change in my body now; divots in my skin where fat used to reside, greater muscle definition in my arms and legs, along with a thinning of my face. So, I know I’m still losing weight. I just have to switch things up to make sure I stay on the right track for my weight loss goal.

To combat the plateau effect, I will be walking more and doing my yoga less. With NaNoWriMo just around the corner, I will have my backside planted in a chair for many hours during the day for the duration of November. Because Nano is just as important to me as my weight loss goal, I will be using those thirty days of literary abandon to my advantage. Everyday during November, I will be walking one mile to the library, where I will write my daily minimum word count, then I will walk home. That’s two miles a day with two hills to climb and descend on my path. This should work, but as with everything else, we shall see.

I am keeping up with my diet and nothing is changing. If the plateau effect does not wear-off within the first week of my library escapades, I will reevaluate my diet. For now, I’m making this up as I go along.

This has been a blast. To everyone supporting me, I extend my greatest appreciation. To those of you joining me on my journey, post your wins and failures down in the comment section. To quote Michael Jackson, “You are not alone.”

Shanti,

E.

Life After Dane Teaser Trailer

Coming 2013

Ruminating On: Bullying

This is month is National Bullying Prevention Month. Good on us, society. But there are still some subjects that haven’t been touched upon, some ideas that I do not fully understand or agree with, and a few hard truths no one seems to want to hear. As per usual, I’ll start with my own experiences.

Yeah, I was bullied as a child, but my bullies were a little more forthcoming than others. I’m not making light of anyone else’s dealings with bullies, just stating the facts. I had the back of my hair set fire with a match to the results of giggles and guffaws. No one asked if I was all right. They only laughed. We were playing volleyball during PE, and some kid came up behind me with a matchbook. I smelled the hair burning, then I felt the heat. I wasn’t scarred, but I had to shave my head later that day. The principle gave the boy a three day suspension. When he came back, he spread an untrue rumor that he’d caught me masturbating in the boy’s room. I became The Jerker. Nothing was done no matter who I told. Everyone just said, “They’re only words.” Yeah… just words. I was also poked excessively throughout junior high and high school. This was an unfortunate side effect stemming from the Pillsbury Dough Boy. As most of you already know, I’ve been fat my entire life, so I suppose the likeness could be true. I don’t blame General Mills, nor do I blame the guy that created the infamous boy made of dough. When the pokes didn’t seem to bother me anymore, several kids reverted to punching me in the gut instead. I’d fight back eventually, but all that resulted in was more boys showing up to help the one who had started the bullying. Then we’d all end up suspended. All of us. Yes, including me. So pardon me if I laugh in the face of anyone who says bullied kids will be fine if they only stand up for themselves. Just because you’re strong enough to fight back, doesn’t mean it will help. In most cases, it only makes matters worse.

So, why didn’t I snap and shoot up my school? Why didn’t I resort to cutting or other self mutilation? Why didn’t I just finally end it all by hanging myself in a closet? The easy answer is, I like me. I always have. Somewhere, I hold an ego so large that King Kong pales in comparison when judged by sheer size and presence. The hard answer is what I want to talk about today. I never snapped.

No one wants to believe that there’s not a lot of difference between bullies and the people they harass. Stopbullying.gov has entire lists stating the differences, but what about the similarities? Both subjects are dealing with insecurities. One needs to build themselves up by tearing others down, and the other doesn’t protect themselves because they don’t feel they can. Both subjects come from households that could be better. And finally, both subjects, in the most extreme cases, are suffering from mental instability. Bear with me, but you may not like me after this.

Cutters and suicides can no longer deal with the emotional pain. Cutters replace the emotional pain with a pain they can control, physical pain. And suicides, well, they simply end the pain altogether. I feel a great deal of remorse for these individuals, but in most cases, there are underlying causes aside from bullying. They know they’re different, whether because their mind plays tricks on them, or because they’re told they are. And yes, they are different, but not in the lesser sense, just in the overall sense. They are wired differently. Sometimes, there’s something before the bullying, and the bully only serves as the catalyst, the trigger effect, the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. In severe cases, these subjects will act out in a greater scale, shooting up their schools, killing their peers. But they don’t solely target the bullies. Why is that? I surmise, but I could be wrong, that in the subject’s mind they just want everyone to feel some of the pain they do. And if they cannot feel said pain, death is the next best option. We’re dealing with mental illness, a difference in chemical makeup. I do not feel better, or more put-together than these people. I only know they exist. And that it’s a very sad state of affairs when they are pushed beyond their capacity to deal.

Bullying, like racism and sexism and any other social deformity, will never end. We have no control over others. What we can do is provide an ear for the bully and the bullied alike. Far too often bullied children, and even adults, are told that sticks and stones will… yada, yada, yada. The truth is, those words escalate and turn into tangible things by which someone can pummel you with. Everyone has a breaking point. Luckily for me, I never reached it. I don’t even know if I ever came close to it, but I’m glad I didn’t. People snap. It’s a fact of life. When an adult goes on a killing spree at a movie theater all you hear about is that person’s mental issues. But when a child goes off the deep end, it always has to be a bully’s fault. Bullies suck. They suck big time. But, we always seem to blame someone else instead of focusing in on the real issue. Not once have we heard about a child shooting up his school not being bullied. Now, was he bullied because he was a little off kilter to begin with? Who knows? Maybe you guys can answer that in the comment section. If he was, that still doesn’t make it right. Let me be clear about that though. I am not on the side of the bully, I only want to understand what it takes to kill a classroom full of your peers. But, sometimes, as in my case, bullying made me a stronger person because I saw those aggressive kids for what they truly were. Just as different and insecure as myself. Later in life, I would use anyone who told me that I wasn’t good enough or strong enough as a stepping stone to do better.

There is no answer to bullying, there is only learning to how to cope with it. I’m all for world peace, but yeah, we’ll see how that goes. Human beings are crap most of the time. We only think about ourselves, then wonder why other people don’t understand that the world revolves solely around us.

This is my curse, folks. To see both sides of the equation. I wish I had more answers for you, but I’m trying to figure everything out as I go along, just like many of you. Maybe if we understand the mindset of these children, pre-bullied, we’d understand where the severe cases come from. Then again, as with Tom Cruise, we may never know what the hell went wrong.

Remember, I feel for you guys. I’ve been there.

LYF

E.

Just in time for Halloween…

 

Finally, the day has come. And just in time for Halloween, at that!

This collection has taken me almost six months to get off the ground. Without the help of KD Rush, Jill Lloyd and Jeff Brackett (as stated in the acknowledgments section of the collection) this book never would have happened. Period. Glendon Haddix once again made me a fantastic cover. And Stefanie Spangler Buswell’s editing skills blew me away. Every one of you hold a place in my heart. Thank you so much.

This collection means a great deal to me. Within the pages of this anthology you will find the best of my short works between the period of March of 2011 and January 2012. Many other tales were told during this time, more than you would likely believe, but only 19 survived. As an added bonus, I’ve included my mini-anthology, Three After, as an afterword of sorts. Come January, Three After will be free to the masses if my plans go as I would like them to.

By clicking the book cover above, you may purchase a copy of What the Dark Brings for $2.99. This collection will not be free anytime in the near future, if it ever goes free at all. You may think me elitist, or a fiend for monetary gain, but I’ve bled into these digital pages, wept tears during its conception, fought tooth and nail to publish it, and because of all that, I believe this collection is worth the price of admission. Besides, what’s three bucks between friends, eh?

Everyone who reads my work is appreciated. Reviews are welcome, but not necessary. As long as you guys keep reading and enjoying my work, I’ll continue putting forth the effort.

See you in the dark…

E.

LaBB: Day Twenty-five

Losing a Backstreet Boy Day – Twenty-five: 372lbs

If you’re keeping track, that’s 28lbs in a little more than three weeks. Needless to say, I’m stoked. DDPYOGA is like a candle, and I’m the butter being held over the flame. I cannot begin to describe how amazing this workout is. For those of you with limited mobility, I highly recommend giving DDPYOGA a try. Trust me, if I can do it, you can too.

I’ve cut down my intake of food even further. Much to the dismay of my wife, I’ve been having one hard-boiled egg for breakfast, then another for lunch combined with a fat-free yogurt. For dinner I eat a regular sized meal. I haven’t backslid this week. I’ve been able to stick to just one plate. Now, as far as the boiled eggs are concerned, fellas, if your partner (male or female, I don’t judge) has a keen sense of smell, or you’re easily embarrassed,  I don’t suggest a diet full of eggs for obvious reasons. Luckily, as with my writing, my wife puts up with me and only drops an occasional comment as to my gaseous, odoriferous shenanigans. TMI? I apologize, but it is the truth.

As far as my beverage intake is concerned, I did cheat yesterday. I had a six-pack of beer which I plan to work off today Other than that, I’m still on nothing but water, unsweetened ice tea and coffee. I have started putting milk in my coffee, but only because I’ve cut back on so many other things, I can use the nutrients in the milk. If I’m wrong in thinking this, someone let me know because I’m still kind of flying blind and guessing as I go along. But, I figure if I’m still losing weight, I’m must be doing something right.

Thanks again to Audrey Carden for sending me yet another relaxing audio piece. I’m thoroughly enjoying it. It’s about gotten to the point where I can’t sleep without it. Or, that could just be the new book I’m working on. Either way, Audrey’s been a major part of my journey thus far and deserves constant recognition because of it. Love yo face, Miss Carden. And your voice. Can’t forget that voice.

If you’re following me in my progress and making progress yourself, leave a comment. I love hearing success stories, but I will also listen if you’ve found hard times. We all go through it, but it’s how we come out of it that matters most.

Shanti,

E.