Sue Watson's Blog: http://www.suewatsonbooks.com/, page 2

Love, Lies, Lemon Cake… and More Cake

 I started 2014 by writing a new book, Love, Lies and Lemon Cake . I also started  a ‘New Body’ campaign, and vowed this year, for the first time ever – I would succeed and be thin and gorgeous! However, Spring has sprung, and I’m still curvy and pasty due to being tied to my laptop with no exercise and only cake for company. Consequently my campaign  never quite got off the ground and I shall now have to endure yet another summer doing a very life-like impersonation of a whale on the beach. This, of course has nothing to do with lack of willpower and love of cake, writing is fattening and  this was a sacrifice I made for my lovely readers so they may sit on sunloungers throughout the known world and enjoy this latest beach read. If I hadn’t been writing I would have been down the gym… honest! So if in the summer, you’re lying by a pool somewhere in a tiny bikini reading Love, Lies and Lemon Cake, say hi to the whale in the sarong across the way, it might just be me… and I did it all for you!

Me at my desk, where I worked tirelessly, ate  only cake and sacrificed this year’s new body campaign!

Love, Lies and Le mon Cake is out in June, it’s  a bittersweet comedy about taking your life back before it’s too late and tells the story of Faye Dobson who has lost her sparkle. Married for longer than she cares to remember, she feels life is passing her by and no-one sees her anymore. She dreams of being whisked to Paris for dinner, making three wishes at the Trevi fountain and having sex under the stars.  But the wrinkles are increasing, her husband’s passion is for plumbing, and the nearest she’ll get to Rome is a take-away pizza.   Ooh….Did someone say pizza? 

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Profundities and Parasites

I’ve been so busy with the new book (and writing the next one!) that I haven’t blogged for a little while so while I’m writing and procrastinating I thought I’d post this. If you’re bored and need to pass the time why not listen to me waffling on? It’s all rather high brow and intellectual – I address deep and meaningful issues like cellulite, I’m a Celebrity, parasites and dieting. These are just a few of my favourite things… who needs raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens?

Just click on the link My Chat with Tammy and drag the cursor along to 20:20 where you can hear my profound thoughts in a chat with the divine BBC Radio’s TammyGooding, until the BBC wipe it!

Tammy Gooding on BBC Radio Hereford and Worcester

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Stella from Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes visits Chloe from Lying to Meet you in NYC!

Chloe and Stella Take Manhattan

Chloe from ‘Lying to Meet You tells us what happened when she met up with Stella, from ‘Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes’ in NYC… and if you want to know what happened to Chloe when she visited here, pop over to Baking Hot in Birmingham

 

Oh my god, I had such a fabulous time with Stella!

We met up at Rockefeller Center. I was running late (no surprise there) so I had to skip breakfast, but lucky for me, she handed me a box of four super scrumptious cupcakes—or fairy cakes, as she calls them. Each was decorated with a fondant handbag. Stella said she designed them especially for me, you know, since I work in fashion. Aww. I gave her a big hug and then hustled her into the building. While she was dealing with the security thing, I wolfed down two of the cupcakes (so good. So, so good) and as soon as she was given the necessary clearance, we took the elevator up to the ABC studios.

I introduced Stella to everyone on the set of The American Dream, and she had a great time talking shop with the crew. William Shannon showed up, and let me put it this way: Stella and I clearly have the same taste in men! She went all quiet and coquettish when I introduced the two of them. William Shannon had the same effect on me that he always does, but thankfully, Mathieu (my stylist and the only one in the world who knows Ethan and I aren’t really a couple) was there to keep me in line. I guess I was grinning at William Shannon like love-struck fool when Mathieu jerked me away from him under the guise of a little last minute hairstyle tweaking.

After the taping, I took Stella downtown and showed her my boutique. She tried on a few things while I ate another cupcake, and was all set to purchase the pink silk wrap top from my new collection, but naturally, I told her to put that money away. I wanted her to have it as a gift, she refused and neither of us was willing to back down, so she murmured something about buying it from one of the shops in London that carry my line. Little does she know I slipped the top into the side pocket of her tote bag. I wish I could see the look on her face when she discovers it!

 

We had dinner that night at an upscale Mexican restaurant in SoHo and stayed for another couple of margaritas each… Or was it three? In any case, when we left the restaurant, we were feeling festive. We weren’t far from Ethan’s apartment, so I suggested we stop by there to see what he was up to. He was working. (Shakes head.) He’s as hopeless as I am sometimes. After surprisingly little cajoling, we managed to drag Ethan back out with us. I was dying to take Stella to Magnolia Bakery, and it isn’t far from Ethan’s place, so we headed a couple blocks west to the best little bakery in New York. The three of us, each with a cupcake in hand (mine was the fourth fairy cake courtesy of Stella) went back outside and fed our sugar fixes under the night sky. Old friends, new friends and delectable cupcakes under a New York night sky. Does life get any better than this?

 

Like to read more about Chloe? Here’s an excerpt from ‘Lying to Meet You’…
Mathieu grabs my arm and mutters, “Why did you not tell me about the boyfriend? I will not judge. If you want to seduce William Shannon even though you have a boyfriend, this is fine with me.”
“Ethan isn’t really my boyfriend,” I mutter back.
“What? I do not understand.”
I sigh. “It’s complicated. He and I are in a fake relationship. The idea behind it is that by being a couple, we might seem more attractive to potential love interests. It’s sort of a social experiment. But this is top-secret stuff. Nobody knows. So you can’t tell a soul.”
Mathieu brings a hand to his forehead and utters a dramatic, “Oh mon dieu.”
When we get to the green room, Mathieu shoves me in and says to Johnny, “I must talk to this girl. Two minutes. Yes?”
“Whatever,” Johnny says, leaning against the wall.
Mathieu comes into the room and closes the door firmly.
“Cherie, this changes everything. You must stop acting like a silly schoolgirl around Wily Willy.”
I stare at him, aghast. Was I really being that obvious?
“Use this pretend boyfriend in your mind to stop you from being so silly. When you see Wily Willy, you must send him silent messages that say,” (in the high pitch voice, of course) “‘Oh, I am so fabulous and it is so sad that you cannot have me, Mr. William Shannon, but I already have a lover.’”
I bite my lip to keep from breaking out into a grin, but apparently I have no control over the laughter in my eyes.
Mathieu responds with an icy glare.

“Perhaps you are not serious about seducing Wily Willy, after all.”
“No, no, Mathieu,” I tell him, suddenly feeling very solemn. “I’m sorry. I am serious about this.”
He stares at me for a moment. “D’accord. Now listen very carefully, Chloe. You must be cool around Wily Willy. And I am not talking about Gaultier-wearing-drinking-at-Bungalow-Eight cool. What I mean is that you must be aloof, unavailable. Do you understand?”
I nod, and he goes on.
“You must act casual around him. Not interested. When you see him, keep repeating these things in your mind. Cool, aloof, unavailable, casual, not interested. After a while, it will be easier to act that way around him.”
“You really think so?”
“Yes, I do,” Mathieu says, but after studying my face, he says, “I hope.”
After he leaves, I do something very uncool. I reach into my new Kate Spade bag, take out my planner, and write down Mathieu’s key words to remember. Cool, aloof, unavailable, casual, not interested. I kind of doubt that focusing on these words will do much to help me to relax around William Shannon, but it’s worth a try.

Writer Anna Garner (who also writes under the name Libby Mercer) lives in San Francisco where she currently spends her days cranking out stories.

 Does being in a relationship make you a hot commodity in the eyes of would-be suitors?
Chloe Lane is about to find out. When her childhood pal, Ethan Webster, asks her to play the part of his girlfriend in order to test this theory, she reluctantly agrees. As a work-crazed fashion designer, boutique owner and soon-to-be reality show judge, Chloe has no time for a real boyfriend, but being part of a faux pair will do just fine. Not that she has any intention of trying to attract someone else.

However…

Opportunity unexpectedly knocks when Chloe meets fellow reality judge, William Shannon. Super successful and super sexy, this high-powered entrepreneur inspires Chloe to test Ethan’s theory herself. Now, on top of keeping her fashion business productive, carving out a new role as a television personality, maintaining a fake relationship and attempting to lay the groundwork for a future relationship, she’s lying to William, lying to her friends, lying to her family and quite possibly lying to herself. Will Chloe be able to keep it all together, or are things about to explode?

You can find Lying to Meet You on Amazon UK  Amazon.com  and Barnes and Noble

 

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United Authors of ChickLit!

It’s been a busy couple of weeks with my second book ‘Younger, Thinner, Blonder’ launched into the book-shpere last Thursday. And now I’m about to take a pink and fluffy flight across the Atlantic to drink champagne, eat cupcakes and share chickLit with author friends who live in the US.
So fasten your seatbelts and put your tray tables in the upright and locked position. Over the next few days, some favourite Chick Lit characters will be jetting across the Atlantic to visit with fictional friends on the other side of the pond… beginning on Tuesday, when Stella from Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes meets up with fashionista Chloe from Lying to Meet You
 Chloe will be whisking Stella around NYC with a trip to the Magnolia Bakery. On Libby Mercer’s blog
I considered a trip to Greggs for a sausage roll, but decided Stella’s kitchen and a baking lesson would be much more fun!



 Here’s the departure and arrivals timetable.

The flight takes off on Monday, 21 Oct and here’s a little sneak peek at the fun, frothy books and sassy gals featured in our international promo, all of which are priced at £2.99 or less:

On Tuesday, 22 Oct.: Read about Stella from Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes and Chloe from Lying to Meet You as they travel across the Atlantic to visit each other.
Stella will be on Anna Garner’s blog http://libby-mercer.blogspot.com/ and Chloe will be on Sue Watson’s blog http://fatgirlsandfairycakes.blogspot.com/
 On Wednesday, 23 Oct., It’s time to discover what happens when Emma from The Pollyanna Plan and Kim from Blogger Girl meet. Emma will be on Meredith Schorr’s blog http://meredithschorr.com/blog/ and Kim will be on Talli Roland’s blog http://talliroland.blogspot.com/
On Thursday, 24 Oct: Izzy from Izzy’s Cold Feet and Jamie from Finding Lucas will be taking you on a trip alongside their characters. Izzy will be on Samantha Stroh Bailey’s blog http://samanthastrohbailey.blogspot.ca/ and Jamie will be on Sarah Louise Smith’s blog http://sarahlouisesmith.com/
 And on Friday, 25 Oct. Kate from Sealed with a Kiss and Pilar from In Need of Therapy will be chatting about their overseas experiences. Kate will be on Tracie Banister’s blog http://traciebanister.blogspot.com/ and Pilar will be on Rachael Lucas’s blog http://rachaellucas.com/blog/
 Here’s a little sneak peek at the fun, frothy books and sassy gals featured in our international promo, all of which are priced at £2.99 or less:
 And if you are interested in learning more about any of the books see below:
Finding Lucas by Samantha Stroh Bailey – Daytime talk show producer Jamie Ross is beyond fed up with her toxic bad boy turned metrosexual boyfriend. Spurred on by her gang of quirky friends, she goes on a hilarious, at-times disastrous, and totally life-changing hunt to track down the ”one who got away.” But are some loves best left behind? Available on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Lucas-ebook/dp/B007VIIU6A/ Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Finding-Lucas-Samantha-Stroh-Bailey-ebook/dp/B007VIIU6A and Kobo http://store.kobobooks.com/en-ca/books/Finding-Lucas/-wfpLcDV6keHZR-T80qCUg
In Need of Therapy by Tracie Banister – Handling the problems of hysterical hypochondriacs, lovelorn neurotics, and compulsive man whores is all in a day’s work for super-shrink Pilar Alvarez. But can she deal with her crazy Cuban family, a trio of unsuitable suitors, and a threat to her practice without ending up on the couch herself? Available on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/In-Need-of-Therapy-ebook/dp/B008N6Z36Y Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/In-Need-of-Therapy-ebook/dp/B008N6Z36Y and B&N; http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/in-need-of-therapy-tracie-banister/1112265620?ean=2940015006889



Lying to Meet You by Anna Garner – Overworked New York fashion girl Chloe Lane has no time for a real relationship, but when her childhood pal asks her to play the part of his girlfriend in order to test a theory, she decides to go for it. The lies start piling up and things start getting crazy. Will Chloe be able to keep it together? Available on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Lying-to-Meet-You-ebook/dp/B00EZR5M9I Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lying-to-Meet-You-ebook/dp/B00EZR5M9I and B&N; http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/lying-to-meet-you-anna-garner/1116838753?ean=2940148616924
Sealed with a Kiss by Rachael Lucas – Kate breathes a sigh of relief when she’s dumped at her best friend’s wedding. When she takes a job on the island of Auchenmor, she’s determined to have a year off men, but that’s before she rescues Flora the seal pup with the help of Roddy, her mysterious new boss… Available on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Sealed-with-a-Kiss-ebook/dp/B00BE9EUW0/ and Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sealed-with-a-Kiss-ebook/dp/B00BE9EUW0/  
The Pollyanna Plan by Talli Roland – Emma Beckett has always looked down on ‘the glass is half full’ optimists. But when she loses her high-powered job and fiancé, Emma makes a radical decision: from here on in, she’ll attempt to see the upside, no matter how dire the situation. Can adopting a positive attitude give Emma the courage to build a new life, or is finding the good in everything a very bad idea? Available on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/The-Pollyanna-Plan-Talli-Roland-ebook/dp/B00AFAW2GK and Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Pollyanna-Plan-Talli-Roland-ebook/dp/B00AFAW2GK
Blogger Girl by Meredith Schorr – Kimberly Long has two passions: her successful chick lit blog and Nicholas, her handsome colleague down the hall. But when her high school nemesis pops onto the chick lit scene with a hot new book and eyes for Nicholas, Kim has to make some quick revisions to her own life story. Available on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Blogger-Girl-ebook/dp/B00EDTLDSW Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Blogger-Girl-ebook/dp/B00EDTLDSW B&N; http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/blogger-girl-meredith-schorr/1116358028?ean=2940148503125 and Apple iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/blogger-girl/id686654939?mt=11

Izzy’s Cold Feet by Sarah Louise Smith – Izzy is engaged to Greg, who is everything a girl could want. The trouble is – all she can think about is the men she loved before she met him. In the week leading up to her wedding day, Izzy is forced to ask herself who she loves the most. And, given the choice, who would she want to spend her life with? Available on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Izzys-Cold-Sarah-Louise-Smith/dp/1909841005/

Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Izzys-Cold-Sarah-Louise-Smith/dp/1909841005/ B&N; http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/izzys-cold-feet-sarah-louise-smith/1116263752 and UK Nook http://uk.nook.com/ebooks/izzys-cold-feet-by-sarah-louise-smith/2940045154499

Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes by Sue Watson – TV Producer Stella is over worked, over weight and under fire battling to balance family, career and those weighing scales. In the past she’s always found comfort at the bottom of her mixing bowl but now the most delicious lemon sponge with zesty frosting has no effect. However, life is about to get even tougher… and Stella has to face some truths about herself, her life and her future. Available on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Girls-Fairy-Cakes-ebook/dp/B005L92JB8 and Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fat-Girls-Fairy-Cakes-Watson-ebook/dp/B005L92JB8

 
 
 
 

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New Book Baby!

Tomorrow, 17th October, my second book ‘Younger, Thinner, Blonder’ comes out and I’m excited, delighted … and very scared.

After two years of writing and rewriting, my new book baby is about to be born and for any author of a newborn, the days and weeks before publication are a tortuous time. The book is delivered to those all important book critics and sometimes followed by days, weeks, even months of silence. Meanwhile reviewers slap the book’s bottom for signs of life and begin the process of prodding and poking before revealing their verdict. It’s like waiting for your baby’s apgar score, or your child’s first school report.  Is she healthy? Is everything in place? Is there something glaringly wrong that my editor-midwife and I didn’t see on delivery? And what does the reviewer say the future holds for her?

Consequently, I’ve spent the past few weeks fretting that reviewers won’t love my new baby in her beautiful blue gown. A review is vital for an author, it can make your week or break your heart, sell your book or see it pulped.  Like a new mum I’ve had sleepless nights worrying about her; Is she likeable? Clever? Funny enough? IS SHE GOOD ENOUGH? Please like her so she can survive and breathe in that big brutal old world out there?
So, I held my breath and read that first review…

Here it is…  http://kimthebookworm.blogspot.co.uk/

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Lost in Book Translation…

Today ‘Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes’ arrived in Italy! She’s sporting a gorgeous brand new cover (by Sebastiano Barcaroli) and as those sophisticated, slinky-hipped Italians don’t know the meaning of ‘Fat’ she has a new title too. ‘Coincindenze Che Fanno Innamamore,’ apparently means something along the lines of; ‘Coincidences that make us fall in love…’ I know this because I am fluent in Google.
 

Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes Goes to Italy…

When my UK publisher Rickshaw first told me the news that ’Fat Girls…’ was off to Italy, I did what any decent author would do and embraced Italian culture wholeheartedly with a box of Amaretti biscuits and a fine bottle of Disaronno.

Sadly I don’t speak a word of Italian but somehow hoped the sweet liquer and soft, almond biscuits might (through some kind of Italian osmosis) guide me through the language of love. But of course they didn’t, and believe me, it wasn’t for want of trying.  

In between mouthfulls of sweet, almondy crumbs and slurps of warming amber liquid I tried to work out what all the unfamiliar Italian words were saying about my novel. The Italian blurb on Amazon goes something like this…

Stella Weston, produttrice televisiva con una smisurata passione per i dolci, ha sempre cercato di conciliare lavoro e famiglia e per anni ha dovuto sopportare turni impossibili, ritmi serrati, lunghe trasferte e un capo infame. Come se non bastassero i sensi di colpa a darle il tormento, suo marito Tom e sua figlia Grace non fanno che lamentarsi e rinfacciarle le continue assenze. Quando poi le viene assegnato un programma trash sul giardinaggio e la religione, in cui si ritrova ad avere quotidianamente a che fare con una pazza ninfomane, un prete ansioso e un giardiniere un po’ sopra le righe, Stella si rende conto che la misura è davvero colma: forse è giunto il momento di mollare tutto, di rimettersi in gioco, di inseguire un sogno e di smettere di rinunciare all’amore…



Yep, that’s what I thought, all very ‘amore’ but I didn’t understand a word. Oh how I wished I’d taken Italian at school so I could understand or even tweet and FB my new Italian friends. But you can’t keep a good woman down when it comes to ‘amore’ and ‘dolci’ so I popped it into Google Translate.  Who needs Italian lessons? Anyway according to Google, the translation goes something like this…

Stella Weston, television producer with a huge passionfor sweets, has always tried to balance work and family, and for years he endured impossible shifts, fast-paced, long trips and a leader infamous. As if not enough guilt to give her torment,her husband Tom and her daughter Grace and complainthat they do notreproach the continued absences. Then, when the trash is assigned a programon gardening and religion, in which he finds himself having to deal every day with a crazy nymphomaniac, a priest and a keen gardener a bit ‘over the top, Stellarealizes that the measure is really fills, perhaps it is time to drop everything, get back into play, to chase a dreamand stop give up on love …



Now, if you haven’t read ‘Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes,’ (why?) I can assure you my heroine Stella Weston is not ‘trash,’ nor does she ‘stop, give up on love.’ Oh and – spoiler alert - she doesn’t change sex half way through the novel…  

The moral of this post is – use Google Translate with caution.

Needless to say until I can find a human translator my plans are currently on hold for a ‘tweetfest’ or FB ‘chat’ with my new friends in the world of Italian publishing. A simple message on FB saying;  ‘Hi I’m the author of ‘Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes,’ may well be transformed through Google Translate into a barrage of Italian abuse and a tweet to say ‘hello’ may also run the risk of offending the whole of Italy.

So rather than spark off an international publishing incident I’ll just keep sipping Disaronno and eating these Amaretti biscuits - and something Italian is bound to rub off.

Coincidenze Che Fanno Innamamore published in the language of love, published by Newton Compton Editori

 

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The Valentine Pavlova and a diabolically delicious filling!

To celebrate the launch of Lynda Renham’s latest romantic comedy novel,  ‘The Valentine Present and Other Diabolical Liberties,’ I have created a delicious, heart-shaped dessert. Not only is this a fitting celebration meringue for a fabulous new book – it also includes at least one of your five a day and is around a mere 300 calories a slice!





The Valentine Pavlova and a diabolically delicious filling!
Ingredients
3 large fresh egg whites




6 oz (175 g) caster sugar




For the topping:




10 fl oz (275 ml) whipping or double cream, whipped




12 oz (350 g) prepared mixed soft fruits, such as raspberries, strawberries and redcurrants




a little icing sugar




Pre-heat the oven to gas mark 2, 300°F (150°C) .

Measure the sugar and put aside, now put the egg whites in a large clean bowl and whisk until they form soft peaks. Stop! Before you set off, don’t get too whisk-happy because over-whisking will cause a major collapse! Girl, just keep whisking and checking until you can turn that bowl upside down without the snowy white fluff sliding out.

When the egg whites are at ‘upside down stage’ – whisk in the sugar slowly a large tablespoon at a time, whisking after each addition until all the sugar is incorporated. Now take a metal tablespoon and spoon the meringue mixture on to the prepared baking sheet, forming a heart-shape (you can draw this on your greaseproof paper or simply just think of the one you love as you dollop). 

Now using the tip of a skewer, make little swirls in the meringue all round the edge, lifting the skewer up sharply each time to leave tiny peaks. This will look like you know what you’re doing – even if you don’t! Then  place the baking sheet in the oven, immediately turn down the heat to gas mark 1, 275°F (140°C) and leave it to cook for 1 hour.

While it’s cooking, take out your copy of ‘The Valentine Present and Other Diabolical Liberties’ (on kindle or paperback) and read about lovely Harriet, a cocktail of misunderstandings, three unlikely gangsters, a monkey and a demented cat. After an hour of laughing hysterically at the book you mustn’t forget to turn the oven off, but leave the Pavlova inside the oven until it’s completely cold. You could even bake this the night before, take the book to bed and allow the meringue to completely cool overnight in the oven (you won’t be able to put the book down so will be up all night too).

Delia Smith says the secret of successful meringues of any sort is to let them dry out completely, which is what this method (stolen from Delia) does perfectly.




To serve the Pavlova, put the book down and lift it from the baking sheet, peel off the paper and place it on a serving dish. Then just before serving, spread the whipped cream on top, arrange the fruit on top of the cream and dust with a little sifted icing sugar.
Put the kettle on, serve cut into wedges and carry on reading ‘The Valentine Present…’ .
Delia says this recipe serves 6, but I’m greedier and my heart-shaped Pavlova serves 5 (and 3 of those are probably for me!)

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My Supersize Summer

For thirty odd summers my goal has been to arrive at August in a state of - what women’s magazines refer to as - ‘beach body readiness.’  However,  I have never reached this Nirvana… and my Summer holidays are usually more ‘supersize’ than super skinny. This  Summer is no different as that little black swimsuit is shoved to the back of the wardrobe in favour of a King size bedsheet masquerading as a sarong. But the upside of wearing a supersize sarong means I don’t have to worry about those holiday bulges…

On holiday, while everyone bounces around doing water sports and beach volleyball in tiny shorts, I will watch and smile from behind a rainbow cone of ice cream.  I shall chew shamelessly on a large, crusty baguette and sip on something fruity as beach body fascists sweat through vigorous sit-ups in nothing but a thong and a frown. And I will marvel at their perfect bodies and even allow a little envy… but I will also wonder who’s really having all the fun? As they pound the beach and breastroke 500 kilometres in the pool, they’ll stop a moment to sneak a peek at the rest of us through their designer shades with barely concealed disgust… or is it envy? We all enjoy our holidays in different ways, and part of my holiday fun is not to deny myself the true pleasures of the season. And as those enviable ‘beach bodies’ feel the burn and ignore the cake, I will swirl my tongue round chunky monkey ice cream, wrap moist, eager lips around barbecued meat and enjoy chilled white wine with a European food mountain of nibbles. As we’re off to the Sates I may even squeeze in a few American breakfasts – which to my deep joy translates for me as a full english smothered in Maple Syrup with a side of pancakes … God Bless America!

So on holiday this year, while all those perfectly toned tums stand at the buffet table with tiny plates of green stuff I shall think; ‘fair enough… you are ‘beach body ready,’ and you’ve earned it.’ But here’s the rub, to keep it like that you have to say ‘no’ while I wrap that king size sheet around me, take that plate and fill it with the most delicious, calorie-laden titbits. There’ll be no denial, no portion control and no regrets as I leave that buffet. What kind of psycho eats salad anyway when there is burnt meat, stuffed potato skins and calorie-laden dips just begging to be eaten?

So if like me, you want to actually enjoy yourself by the pool this summer – forget the volleyball, grab that king size sheet and bring on the real pleasures of Summer … and while you’re there supersize it!

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Hoes and Weed and S***

As a white, middle aged, middle class woman living in a new build in suburbia, I sometimes long to escape and live another life, somewhere else…and if I could try out anyone’s life for a day, I’d be Rihanna. We have nothing in common, I don’t really know much about her or her life save her great music fabulous figure, desire to legalise cannabis and an apparent predilection for bad boys. But that’s the point – our lives are so different – so what else do I need to know?

As I write this blog my daughter is asking where her clean jeans are, and my husband is yelling at the Aussies while wrestling bravely to bring home the Ashes singlehandedly from the sofa. The cats want feeding, there’s washing in the basket, my eczema’s started up, my blood pressure’s high and the bloody dishwasher has packed in again. So apart from the bad boys and the weed (tried it once, threw up everywhere), who can blame me for wanting the life and thighs of a beautiful, rich, young woman with the world at her feet and a future stretching before her like an infinity pool?

Last week I went to see Rihanna on her Diamonds world tour in Manchester with Lesley my BFF. And when she got on that stage and shouted ‘Hello Manchester’ we yelled as loudly as those twentysomethings. She is so enigmatic, so confident and so damn good! I agree we may not be her target audience and according to my teenage daughter our attendance at the Rihanna concert was; ‘weird, bordering on creepy.’ My husband added his concerns that Rihanna’s ‘moves’ were and I quote,  ‘vaginally based’ and therefore improper for fortysomething women to try and emulate.  Ignoring his advice to wear a cardi, embrace middle age and buy two tickets for Michael Bublé instead, I told him there was spag bol in the freezer, cricket on the telly and I was off to ‘see my bitches’. For one night only at The Manchester Evening News Arena – Les and I were gonna be ‘Rude Girls,’ and we didn’t care what anyone else thought.

Back up north at Mum’s for the night I wasn’t spag-bol-freezing wife and jean-washing mother – I was a dangerous daughter again. And like old (ok very old) times, Mum made our tea and Lesley’s Dad drove us to the venue… yeah baby I’m a rock star!

Lesley and I warming up pre gig just drinking and getting our swag on …

Once at the arena Lesley ‘FaceBooked’ us and I texted my daughter in my own version of Rihanna-speak saying; ‘check out FB we is all over dat shit!’ The textual silence was deafening, she later claimed post traumatic stress and told me never to speak like that again because it was wholly inappropriate for someone of my advancing years. She’s 14….

Back at Rihannaworld, the set was amazing, all fire and smoke and glitz, Rhi Rhi was on fire and after several bottles of profanely priced rosé wine, so was I. The wine and the music enabled me to abandon that suburban wife back home with her dodgy dishwasher and I was there, dropping it like it was hot…one of Rihanna’s bitches. 

I hesitate to mention it but – there was a moment … a mere moment as we swayed to the music, singing along to Rude Boy like coked-up  backing singers, when the ‘mother’ part of me cringed slightly.  Rhi Rhi, so young (enough to be my daughter) and so pretty addressed the audience as ‘crazy shit.’ That cute little mouth then talked up a beautiful ballad as being about ‘fucked up love.’ Oh dear, I thought, in my mother’s voice, but sipped at my rosé and  brushed soap-in-that-mouth thoughts away to continue with the task in hand – accompanying Rihanna on the Manchester leg of her tour. 
So for the next hour and a half I sang along animatedly about shooting ‘niggas,’ while urging men to ‘give it to me,’ quite hard and inviting them to ‘ride my pony.’  God only knows what I was requesting and back in the cold light of day I can only assure you there is none of that going on in my Barratt Show Home thank you very much! Me and ma ho Rihanna is different bitches in different shit… and that’s why it’s so liberating to imagine being someone else in such a different life – as a writer I do it all the time.


Ma girrrrrl Rihanna bustin the moves… Les and I mirrored this move from our seats

So after Rihanna, Les and I had sung our last song, we wandered into the hot night, infused with wine and freedom, imagining our own thighs as twirly and firm as Rihanna’s.  It was probably the heat, but the daughter part of me suddenly felt a frisson of rebellion. Waiting for our lift home in the steaming streets of Manchester I was sixteen again and asked Lesley what she thought her 85-year-old Dad’s reaction would be if in the car I started talking about ‘hoes and weed and shit?’

“He’ll think you’re talking about gardening and offer you some ‘Weed and feed,’” she said without missing a beat.

So my forty-something teen rebellion may go unnoticed… for now.

But watch this space…

 
 
 
 
 

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English Rose Fairy Cakes

As today is World Baking Day and we’re still waiting for Summer to appear, I thought it might be pertinent to offer a little summer scented sunshine. These fragrant fairies are reminiscent of a garden in summer and perfect with a cup (fine china of course dear) of Earl Grey tea and a Jane Austen novel.

Rose Scented Fairy Cakes


Ingredients
115g or 4 oz butter
115g or 4 oz caster sugar
2 free range eggs
115g or 4 oz self raising flour
1 tablespoon rose water
12 pretty pink paper cases

Rose Icing
200g or 7 oz Icing Sugar
4 tablespoons rose water

Frosted Petals
12 freshly plucked rose petals
1 egg white
1 tablespoon caster sugar

Method
Pre-heat the oven to 180°c/350°f/Gas Mark 4 and fill a cake pan with 12 large paper cases – or 24 small ones (for the less robust). Now beat the sugar and butter together until light and fluffy, add the eggs one at a time and keep beating. Now sift the flour and fold it into the mixture. Open the rosewater and stop and smell the roses for a minute ah…that’s better. Now stir in the rosewater and put the heavenly scented batter into the fairy cases and pop into the oven for about 20 minutes until golden and springy to the touch.

As the cakes bake, filling the kitchen with divine fragrance, imagine you’re in a rose garden and pluck petals from a (preferably pink) rose and brush each rose petal with the egg white, covering it completely, but lightly (don’t soak it.*) Now with a fragrant flourish, sprinkle with caster sugar and leave to dry.

NB* I find garden roses are great for crystallizing but tend to wrinkle more than bought, cut roses so be very light with the egg white.

For the icing
Once the cakes are cooled, begin on the icing. Mix the sugar and rose water together to form a thick paste and add the tiniest drop of pink food colouring (to match the rose petal colour or perhaps a little lighter). Apply icing to the cooled cakes and top with a sugared rose petal. Dig out your best china, place exquisite rose-topped fairy on the china, make a pot of pale golden Earl Grey and enjoy a little Jane Austen under a willow tree in the garden.

 
 

The post English Rose Fairy Cakes appeared first on Sue Watson author website.