Azra Tabassum's Blog, page 155
February 15, 2015
I love how you're brave and intense with everything you do. An anon will ask you a heartbreaking question and instead of the typical gentle response, you give the most intense, empowering replies. For both good and bad asks. Thanks for that. It's been a wh
Ah, you’re so wonderful. Thank you so much.
February 14, 2015
You usually reblog a lot of poetry or texts or something, and for me to read them I read your tags first. They are awesome and truly describe the kind of person you are. I mean, if it's something like "NOOOO THIS RUINED ME" I get a pen and a piece of paper
Those are the ones that I write down too! You know how wonderful I think a piece is by how opposed I am to it in the tags. If there’s loads of “no” and “fuck you” you’re onto a winner. Thanks for this message sweetheart xxx
I just finished your book. You made me cry :(
Honestly that’s exactly what I like to hear!
Do you have any unanswered asks? No rush but I sent mine a couple of days ago and just making sure that you received it. Thank you :)
I don’t answer all my asks sweetheart, I get far too many and it’s not possible! xx
"I see the words “I know he would never hit me/physically harm me” in a lot of letters I get. Far..."
I see the words “I know he would never hit me/physically harm me” in a lot of letters I get. Far more than I could ever, ever, ever answer or publish.
Those words break my heart, every time, because the people who write them are offering them up as an example of how the relationship can be saved and how I shouldn’t judge their partner too harshly. They mean “he’s not ABUSIVE-abusive (even though he does all these abusive and controlling things to me). I’m not like those abused women, I would leave if someone actually hit me.” They break my heart because the letter writers have had to do the calculus, the calculus called Would He Hit Me? and they offer the answer up as proof that he wouldn’t but all I can see is proof that he almost did, that he’s thinking about it, that he’s a week or a year or a hair’s breadth away from it. It’s proof that she’s thinking about it, too, that she’s had to do the math. Nathan wouldn’t hit you, but he’d punch a wall in front of you, so you can see the force of how his fists slam into things., so you can see how hurt his hand is afterward, so you know that the damage is your fault. When I read those words about how the partner doesn’t harm or hit, I can hear the echo of the guy saying them, too, like “Well, it’s not like I physically hurt you! Come on! Be reasonable (and do what I say)!“(Mentioning how “at least you don’t hit” someone kinda sorta exactly like reminding them that you could hit them, that you might hit them, that hitting them is on the list of possible things that could happen, you are a fucking goddamn hero of a man for making the difficult heroic choice not to. Someone saying this to you should always make the little hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and prompt you to look around for the exits).
And then the letters, like your letter, contain the most heartbreaking question of all, which is how, how can I be better/fix it/make it right/not make him scary and angry anymore. How can I be perfect (give up caffeine), how can I show him (check in with him by cell phone every time I change locations or company) that I’m worthy? Because the abuser-logic has worked. “When you make mistakes it’s your fault, when I make mistakes (like scaring you) it’s also your fault.” Someone doesn’t have to physically hurt you to harm you.
People in non-abusive relationships don’t have to do this constant calculus. Non-abusive dudes don’t get described as “intimidating” by their girlfriends, because non-abusive dudes, even the big strong burly ones who might look pretty intimidating to a stranger don’t intimidate their girlfriends. They don’t punch walls, or throw things, or put 10,000 tiny conditions around everything, or monitor their movements or their phones. When those dudes feel lonely, they fucking call a friend, or they muddle through those lonely feelings. Non-abusive dudes don’t pat themselves on the back for not hurting women, because it doesn’t occur to them to hurt women.
”- Captain Awkward #640: “I Know He Would Never Physically Hurt Me” and Other Fairy Tales.
"In the heat of her hands I thought, this is the campfire that mocks the sun."
- Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body
"I’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own."
- Richard Siken, Wishbone
I was stood up on Valentine's Day. Can you tell me something that will make me feel okay
Oh just fuck it, baby, anyone who leaves you hanging like that isn’t worth your time anyway and you’re gonna meet someone someday who comes to everything five minutes early just because of how good it feels for them to see you walking in their direction and knowing they’ll get to hold your hand and kiss your face.
"I taste the good and bad in you and want them both."
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