Shawnee Small's Blog, page 11

This week I turned 40.

On Wednesday this week I turned 40. Yes, I have entered a new decade and yes, it's still painful to say out loud. Wow. The big 4 – 0. I look back at my 30s and I think to myself, "Back then, forty seemed so far away. Like one of those cringe worthy moments that you knew would come like when your friend made it plainly obvious to everyone that she expected you to catch the bouquet at her wedding because she really felt that you need to find a man or at least get laid."

Yeah, that kind of cringe worthy moment. But here I am and here it is. And yet I feel no different.

Well, mostly.

What does feel different is my attitude. In some ways good and some ways bad. On the positive side, I think my outlook on life has been altered.

I was one of those pushy, ambitious types who was happy to slog away in a man's world. I worked in the games industry when there weren't very many women actually in development. I was ready to take over the world in my 20s. I still find it amazing to think of the crazy, ballsy things we did back then. Man, we thought we were invincible and we kinda were. But it's funny, really. All of that stuff doesn't mean a lot anymore and that's what I mean about the change in outlook. I've watched some of those same people who I worked with back then turn into absolute industry stars and I'm happy for them, but here's the key, I don't envy them. No, I don't envy the late nights or the big pushes to get to beta or a gold master. Or the caffeine highs,the whopping helpings of carbs and sugar just to get through it or the £50 cab fares to get home or better yet just sleep in the office. Nope I wouldn't willingly go back into that.

I prefer the simple life myself. It may not be the guts and the glory, but I get the time to stop, watch, and observe. I mean really see things for what they are. I can sit for hours and watch my bees loop lazily around their hives, take my dogs for a walk, plant some seeds, write some stories. I get to see the sun. I get to appreciate the way that the buds swell on our apple trees and then burst into blooms or leaves. I know it sounds like a lot of hippie crap, but it does make sense if you stop and really *feel* it. I'm out of the rat race and I'm loving it.

On the negative side, being forty means getting old. I know some people are like, "That's not old. You're just getting started. The best years of your life are coming up." I hope those people are right because what I've noticed over the last two years is how much my body really has changed coming up to this major milestone. I get the creaks and aches sometimes in the morning when I get out of bed. I hate to say it, but yes, I'm starting to find gray hairs (thank God for highlights), and my health is definitely not what it used to be. A couple of years battling an autoimmune disease or two has made me humble.

But you know what, it's okay. It really is. Life is a journey after all, and you have to accept the good with the bad. And no matter what way you slice it, you get just one go at it so take the time to enjoy it. And live it.

So hello 40. It's nice to meet you.

Apple. You make it too easy.

Shock of shockers. Apple caught in ebook price fixing. Why am I not surprised by this?

To Query or Not to Query

I'm not sure why I'm having this conversation with myself again. Maybe because I just updated my bookbag list for the Virginia Festival of the Book. Or maybe it's because I'm sitting here with the animals watching the snow swirl around my bedroom window.

Whatever reason, I'm at that crossroads again. And it sucks.

You see, I thought I was already past this point. I took a long hard look at the whole traditional publishing route. I crunched the numbers, did the maths, calculated the risks – it just didn't add up. I would be lucky to get a 15K advance per book, would have to wait at least 18 months maybe more before it showed up on a shelf, and I'd have to sell tens of thousands of units before I even made that tiny 15% of retail. The only wild card was the promo/PR aspect (and having my name in print for real in a Barnes and Noble store, of course).

But today I feel a tiny bit sad. And I wonder that age old question . . ."What if?"

I especially wonder about Laura Rennert. I met her several years ago at the V.F.O.B. At the time, she had just signed Maggie Stiefvater and was toting around copies of Shiver. I liked Laura. She had real chutzpah (I mean that in a very nice way, Laura). She wasn't going to take any prisoners and I liked her up front and ballsy attitude. She said it like she meant it unlike some other agents around her. I appreciated that in her. It also didn't hurt that she used to be in the English Lit department at UVa and that I live less than an hour from Maggie.

I kept thinking to myself, "You know, this could really work. Maybe you and Maggie can even do a simultaneous book tour or something?"

And then I remember the numbers. And I think about the money. And then I take a hold of my IP and hug it gently to my chest knowing it belongs to me.

Indie can be lonely, but at least I'm doing it my way.

 

Why Apple is Useless

 

First off, I must apologize to those of you patiently waiting for the iPad version of Watcher. I know. You've been so good, hardly complaining, you've made my life much easier for being so nice. And you know me. If it was my fault I'd be the first one to raise my hand and say "Yeah, blame the old lady. She's slow." But, and I really mean this, it's not my fault.

You see, Apple aka iTunes aka iBooks = useless.

I know there are Apple nerds the world over groaning at me right now, but to them, I say "Suck it up."

Uh Uh. No you didn't.

I'm afraid I just did because since Apple's glorious leader has departed our dear Earth, Apple has been going down the pan. It's bad enough that they make some ridiculous margin like 40% on all their hardware (Why buy a laptop when you can spend $1300+ buckeroos on a MacBook Air right?), but now they can't even support their developer programs properly.

Case in point:

I am a pretty anal retentive person. Shocker, I know. So when it came time to launch Watcher for ebook I was on it. Like fire. Not only did my lovely assistant (okay husband) have a Kindle version ready to go, he also had one for Nook, iPad, and other (an epub file for all other platforms). My husband is awesome like that. I was feeling pretty good for a simultaneous launch scenario. It went like this -

watcher.ipad.epub
watcher.kindle.mobi
watcher.other.epub

You see, he was on the ball. Even got the table of content right, which for any of you dealing with Kindle know, it ain't easy.

I did Kindle first. Bam! Easy to fill out forms, easy uploads, no harrassment. Straight and simple minus a 12 hour turnaround time. 48 hours for world wide territories, but for the U.S., practically a blink of an eye. Barnes and Noble next. Okay, not so easy, a bit of a pain, had to call a telephone number if you can believe it. Barnes and Noble is very neurotic about the IRS, but hey, a couple of days later, Watcher was live.

Apple. Not so much.

Two weeks later and several angry phone calls and irate emails and still nada. I finally got a slightly passive aggressive email from "Dana" who told me to contact them in another 10 business days if Watcher wasn't live.

Are you freakin' kidding me? Amazon can turn it around in less than 12 hours, but I've got to wait a whole month (hell, maybe even longer) before the same exact book can go live on the no. 3 platform for ebooks?

Wow. No wonder Apple is getting it's ass kicked by Amazon.

And while we're at it, whoever decided to get an Apple tramp stamp like this one, well, all I have to say is may the Borg welcome you with open arms . . .

Print cover – almost there!

It's the little ray of sunshine on what is proving to be a very crazy day, but hey, I'll take it where I can get it. Not too shabby, huh?

 

Watcher out now on Nook

Finally. It's taken two weeks, but Watcher is finally out on the Nook. You can go to Barnes and Noble online or simply follow the link -

Get Watcher for the Nook

As usual, you can still purchase a Kindle version on Amazon.com

Stay tuned for news on Watcher for the iPad and print version . . .

Joss Whedon is my hero

And this is why . . .

Can they topple the Goliath?

This is just a *very* short aside that showed up in my inbox today. It appears that the publishing industry is presenting an united front (massing an attack) as they try to show that they still have some (albeit) small clout in their arena:

ABA IndieCommerce joins B&N and Books-A-Million in blocking Amazon titles

 

I can't sleep *again*

A flock of sheep that leisurely pass by
One after one; the sound of rain, and bees
Murmuring; the fall of rivers, winds and seas,
Smooth fields, white sheets of water, and pure sky -
I've thought of all by turns, and still I lie
Sleepless...
~William Wordsworth, "To Sleep"

 

 

I wanted to find something clever to say, but instead I relied on one of my all time favorites, William Wordsworth.

See, I can get down with what the man is saying. Insomnia. It's one of those things I've never had a problem with until recently. As a child, teenager, hell even in college, I was a champion sleeper. I was a light sleeper, but I could still sleep. A whole eight hours worth pretty consistently.

So it's come as a bit of a shock that for some reason at 12:30AM on a Wednesday night I am languishing on the couch with the lights out and the white screen burning out my retinas as I write this. I can't sleep. I've tried. I crawled into bed with Jon, read until 11PM while he gently snored away beside me. I thought "Hey, I should be tired by now. What gives? Do I need to take the drugs or no?" (by drugs I mean that over-the-counter sleeping med that often times can make you groggy the next day – you know what one I mean)

Then I thought, "Screw this for a bag of tin soldiers, I'm getting up." There's not point just to lie there and stare at the atomic clock thing on the ceiling. It just causes me to get more anxious as I watch the minutes tick by while I should be sleeping. No, I decided to get up.

And do what? Well, bug you, of course.

What should I talk about? I don't really have my thoughts together enough to ramble on about the new book and just what I need to do right about now is give away all the spoilers for Protector, right? That would be just one more thing that would keep me up at night so instead I thought I would give myself some mock interview questions and try to be as witty as possible in replying to them. Hopefully I won't give too much of Book One away, but I thought it'd be nice to delve into some of the things I know people are going to ask such as

1) There's no way that Poesy didn't have sex with Shell on the couch. It's highly unrealistic to back down once they got to there, right?

Actually, this did come up for discussion when the book was being edited as Poesy being a bit of a c@*k tease. I have to disagree however. Have you ever had sex with someone you wish you hadn't? Oh yeah, we've all been there. Have you ever gotten close to having sex with someone you shouldn't and then backed out last minute? Funny enough, you'd be surprised how many people answered yes to that question.

Is it apparent early on that Poesy doesn't have the attachment to Shell that he has for her. It's almost an unconscious twitch. She cares about him, but caring isn't loving. I think deep down inside she knows this from the moment Adam walks into the bar even though she doesn't voice it until later. The bigger question should be is it really about Adam or could it have been any other stranger who walked in that night? Good question, right?

2) Holy doo doo. Now she's kissing Birdie after the mugging. Man, is she getting around or what?

On this point, I really do have to defend, Poe. It's like Andie's Duckie. We all have one – that great guy friend who's always been a friend and been devoted like a puppy dog. Don't cringe. Seriously, these days there are so many lines blurred in friendships like that whole friends with benefits thing. Modern kids doing modern things. I think for Poesy it's inevitable that things with Birdie would come to a head and that a moment of truly terrifying stress would push him into acting. Cause let's face it, Birdie would bumble around trying to vie for her affections and never get anywhere, right? The mugging made it all very real for him so I'm not surprised he picked that moment. I have to give him some credit. He picked a real doozey. And he's not the type to give up either. I think we'll see some of that tension again between Poe and Birdie before it's all over.

3) Please tell me more about Daisy the Wonder dog. Is she real and can I adopt her?

Daisy is real and she is truly a wonder dog. I've changed her name to protect the innocent, but she is real and beautiful and devoted. Just like I knew she would be. I'm afraid that she's already taken, and even if she wasn't, there's already an orderly queue going around the building. Sorry.

4) How uncomfortable did you feel using the "N" word?

Very is the short answer. The longer one is that it's totally Haylee. A strong beautiful black woman who has no qualms about some of her more colorful phrases and swear words. I love Haylee Jane to bits. One day I'd like to meet her.

5) Adam doesn't come across as your typical hero. I'm not even sure I like him yet.

Is that a question or a statement? Adam is a complex creature (no pun intended) and because of this he's a bit more complicated. After all, he's been alive for, well let's just say a long time, and when you live that long you have to ask yourself what does it all mean? We get so caught up in the minutiae of daily life that we don't think a whole lot about what our place is in the universe. We are a mere tiny little fleck in the universe yet we think we are so important. What if you watch civilizations grow and be destroyed or pour love into something that will only end up dying? I'm surprised that Adam isn't more morose than he is. He's the guy who always tries to do the right thing – the right thing is hardly ever the easy path.

Wait and see. You might grow to love him. XO.

shawnee-is-going-back-to-bed-now=fingers=crossed-for-sleep

Kindle version of Watcher has launched

Finally.

It's taken several years of my life, several very dodgy moments (as Adam Walker would say), and a whole lot of sweat to get to this point, but it's finally here. Kindle version of Watcher is  now available here:

Amazon link to Watcher

I would like to take a moment to thank the following people who were integral in making it happen Jonathan Small, Cathy Campos, Shana Sullivan, Kara Carter, Kate Prickett, Joost Schuur, and Sean Baggeley.

I'd also like to thank all the rest of you who inspired and delighted me in equal measures – my family and friends both at home and abroad. You know who you are. I love you.