Amber Garza's Blog, page 9

New Release for only $0.99!

BREAK THROUGH released early and it’s $0.99 for one week only!

 

At the age of eight, Aspen Fairchild is kidnapped. Taken hostage by a man she trusts. Five years later she escapes, vowing never to trust another man. Now she’s an adult and she’s kept the promise she made to herself as a child, keeping men at a distance.

Carter Johnston is talented and charming. A photographer well known for his ability to capture the true essence of his subjects. When Carter is assigned to photograph Aspen for an article in a prominent magazine, the connection between them is undeniable.

Aspen is drawn to Carter’s charm and artistic ability. As they grow closer, the walls Aspen has built around her heart for years begin to crumble. Until she finds a photograph in Carter’s house which catapults her back to her time in captivity. A photograph Carter shouldn’t have.

Will the truth cause her to shut down or will he finally break through?

Amazon

Harried Housewives, Extreme Makeovers, First kisses and Summer Romance…..

I bet you’re wondering what Harried housewives, extreme makeovers, first kisses and summer romance have to do with one another. Nothing really, except that they encompass my next few novels.  I just finished writing BREAK THROUGH and it will release next week. Blurb and cover picture below:

At the age of eight, Aspen Fairchild is kidnapped. Taken hostage by a man she trusts. Five years later she escapes, vowing never to trust another man. Now she’s an adult and she’s kept the promise she made to herself as a child, keeping men at a distance.

Carter Johnston is talented and charming. A photographer well known for his ability to capture the true essence of his subjects. When Carter is assigned to photograph Aspen for an article in a prominent magazine, the connection between them is undeniable.

Aspen is drawn to Carter’s charm and artistic ability. As they grow closer, the walls Aspen has built around her heart for years begin to crumble. Until she finds a photograph in Carter’s house which catapults her back to her time in captivity. A photograph Carter shouldn’t have.

Will the truth cause her to shut down or will he finally break through?

The truth is that I’ve enjoyed writing the darker, mysterious romances like BREAK FREE and BREAK THROUGH. But I understand that it’s summer, time for beachy romance reads, and so I’ve decided to release a cute teen summer romance called THE SUMMER WE FELL. I have the cover and it’s gorgeous. I will reveal it soon! But there are a couple of other books that have also been calling my name. If you’ve been following me long then you know that I have several novels that have never been published. Two of them were chick lit, and while I loved them so much, I’ve never known if they would sell well. The chick lit genre was huge when I wrote them but then it kind of tanked. However, lately I’ve been noticing some chick lit titles floating around and I feel like it’s making a little bit of a comeback. I figure it’s summertime so quirky, lighthearted novels might be just what my readers need. So, I’ve pulled out CONFESSIONS OF A HARRIED HOUSEWIFE and ABANDONING ALICE and I’m re-working them. Hopefully they will release in the next couple of months. I hope you enjoy them!! The blurb for CONFESSIONS OF A HARRIED HOUSEWIFE is below!

When Caitlyn Randall catches her husband out with another woman she decides to shed her harried housewife image to become a suburban diva. Following the tips from a magazine article she’s determined to go from frumpy to fabulous in five easy steps.

Only nothing is easy for Caitlyn.

No matter how hard Caitlyn tries, she screws up. Her romantic evenings get ruined, and her attempts at becoming Suzy Homemaker are thwarted by her children’s anecdotes causing the perfect preschool moms to look down their noses at her. If that isn’t enough, she has to fend off the beautiful paralegal that is after her attorney husband, and stop her best friend from dating her married co-worker.

Will Caitlyn be successful in her quest for fabulousness or is she destined to remain a harried housewife forever? 

Be on the lookout for all the titles! Oh, and if you haven’t read HEAD ABOVE WATER, BREAK FREE or STAR STRUCK now is your chance. All three will be on sale June 19-22 as part of the Summer Book Crush!

Happy reading!

 

 

Confession Time! I lied….

Confession time! I lied.

Well, not really on purpose. More like I changed my mind. In my last post I said that I was going to take the summer to spend with my kids and market. That seemed like a great plan at first. Until my kids filled up their summer with activities. Great things like helping out in my sister-in-law’s summer school classroom, going to summer camps, and music programs. They’ve got a great summer planned. But now I’ve got some extra time to kill. Also, I have several characters inside my head dying to get out.

So, I’ve decided to release 2 books this summer. I know. I know. It’s precisely what I said I wouldn’t do. But now I can’t help it. The words are flowing and the stories need to be heard. The first one will be BREAK THROUGH. I have the cover and blurb below. It should release end of June/beginning of July.

The second book will be titled THE SUMMER WE FELL. It will be a teen romance similar in tone to TRIPPING ME UP and WINNING ME OVER. It should release end of July/August.

So be on the lookout for these books and enjoy the reveal below!

Break Through

Release Date: End of June (Date tba)

Cover: Mae I Design and Photography

 

Blurb:

At the age of eight, Aspen Fairchild is kidnapped. Taken hostage by a man she trusts. Five years later she escapes, vowing never to trust another man. Now she’s an adult and she’s kept the promise she made to herself as a child, keeping men at a distance.

Carter Johnston is talented and charming. A photographer well known for his ability to capture the true essence of his subjects. When Carter is assigned to photograph Aspen for an article in a prominent magazine, the connection between them is undeniable.

Aspen is drawn to Carter’s charm and artistic ability. As they grow closer, the walls Aspen has built around her heart for years begin to crumble. Until she finds a photograph in Carter’s house which catapults her back to her time in captivity. A photograph Carter shouldn’t have.

Will the truth cause her to shut down or will he finally break through?

Summer Survival Guide for an Indie Author

My kids have one day left of school and then they are out for the summer. Which simply means life as I know it is ending for the next few months. Gone are the days of sitting in my quiet office writing for 6-7 hours everyday. My house will be filled with chaos. The chaos of teenagers no less.

Which means, I have to make a plan.

I know many people think I have it made in the summer. I mean I work from home, right? Right, but the operative word here is “work.” I WORK from home. Yes, it’s true that I don’t have to worry about babysitters or sending my kids to daycare or endless summer camps because I have to work outside of the home and need a place for them to go. However, I can’t get much work done when my kids are home, which is hard since I’m self-employed. I sort of need to still generate an income in the summer.

Last summer I wrote and released 2 books during the summer months, and let me tell you it was hard. I brought my laptop with me everywhere and wrote while carting the kids to their music lessons and sports camps. It was overwhelming. So as the summer months loomed before me this year, I sat down and wrote a summer survival guide. First it was filled with things like soundproof walls and more locks on the doors. Just kidding. As tempting as that sounds I’d never do that. lol

No, truthfully, it wasn’t so much a survival guide as a goal oriented plan. I had to ask myself what I wanted to accomplish this summer both professionally and personally. First and foremost, I know that my time with my kids is running out. They are 12 and 15. I don’t have a ton of summers left with them. Second, I don’t want to be stressed out about pumping out 2 books like I was last summer. So, I’ve decided I will only release 1 book – BREAK THROUGH. It should release end of June/beginning of July. Other than that I will be spending time with my kids and doing some marketing. I figure I have 18 books out. Marketing all of them can definitely keep me busy!

So I have some fun contests, giveaways and sales planned for the summer. In fact, I will have a fun giveaway coming up later in the week which will focus on my summer books: HEAD ABOVE WATER, WINNING ME OVER and FALLING TO PIECES.

 

 

I also plan to do some fun contests revolving around ENGRAVED, my only adult mystery novel.

What are some things you’re doing to survive the summer months? Comment below. I’d love to hear from you!

 

Why I Love Being a Romance Author

 

I need to start this post with a confession: I never aspired to become a romance author. Now, if you’ve followed my blog for awhile you are probably pointing to the screen while muttering, “liar,” under your breath. Let me explain. I have always wanted to become a professional writer. It’s been my dream since I was a little girl. But I always thought I’d write serious literary works, psychological thrillers, or hard to solve mysteries. Never once did I think I’d write romance novels. Yet, when I sat down and put pen to paper, romance is what came pouring out. Who knew I was such a sap at heart? Certainly not me. You see, I didn’t always know I was addicted to love. That’s a recent epiphany.

But now that I write romance I can’t imagine writing anything else. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. My job doesn’t even feel like work. It feels like fun.

There are so many reasons I like writing romance, but in the interest of keeping this short and sweet, I’ll share just a few with you here.

1. I get to peruse pictures of hot guys all day for “research.” Here is a sampling of some of the guys I’ve used as inspiration in my last couple of novels. I know. Hard work, huh?

 

 

 

 

 

2. Another reason I love writing romance is that it’s perfectly acceptable to write sappy scenes….

 

3. But my favorite reason is that I get to fall in love over and over again with each book boyfriend I write. Who else gets to do that every day? Yep, I’d say I pretty much have the best gig in the world.

In the comments below share your favorite thing about romance – either writing or reading it.

 

Giveaway!!

 

You can still feed your addiction  for less!! BREAK FREE is currently a countdown kindle deal. Meaning that even though it’s no longer $0.99, it is $1.99! Make sure you get it before the price goes back up to $2.99 tomorrow! In honor of the sale, I’m hosting a little giveaway.

To enter simply purchase BREAK FREE for only $1.99. Then comment below with your order number. You will be entered into a drawing to win a swag pack with mystery goodies!!

Good luck my fellow romance addicts!!

Feed your addiction for less!!

BREAK FREE is on sale today only (May 15) for $0.99. Tomorrow it will go up to $1.99 and the following day it will be back at $2.99! I don’t anticipate putting it on sale again anytime soon, so don’t miss out on getting your dose of romance for mere pennies.

What people are saying about BREAK FREE:

If you like real stories, if you like romance and if you like it when people rise above life’s challenges I highly recommend this book. Amber Garza has found her niche with Break Free, this is a must read! — Bestselling author Cambria Hebert

A captivating and intense novel, Break Free had me glued to the pages from start to finish. Kyler is unlike any other male lead out there–he’s set apart in all the best ways possible. You won’t be able to get the plot, nor the characters out of your head, even after that final sentence. This book has become one of my top favorites and I look forward to reading it again and again . – Author Megan Squires


Amber Garza breaks out with “Break Free,” an unexpected dark and edgy tale.  Jade and Kyler are so easy to love. The plot is intense with a surprising twist. Truly masterful.- Author Susan Griscom

 

Blurb:

Jade Mathews is on the run. Running from an addiction that almost destroyed her, and a man who wants her dead.

Kyler James is a writer, a recluse locked in a prison of his own making.

When Jade and Kyler meet they find solace in one another and start to heal. Until Jade stumbles upon Kyler’s latest manuscript and is shocked to find that it is her story. One he couldn’t know. Jade fears she’s trusted the wrong person once again, and this time it may be her undoing.

Is the past destined to destroy them, or will they finally break free?

 

Click here to purchase!!

 

Author Branding

I have 18 books published! 18! Isn’t that crazy? Well, technically 2 of them are short stories and 2 are novellas, but still. Sometimes I can hardly believe I have that many books out. The problem with my books is that they are not all in the same genre. You see, I’m a little ADD with my writing. In my mind I always have tons of story ideas going at the same time. As a rule, I choose to write the book that is speaking loudest to me at the moment. I haven’t always thought about the genre when I pick a book to work on. I just pick the story that I want to explore. I chose the characters I’m most invested in. That’s why I currently have a series of Christian teen thrillers, an adult mystery/suspense novel, a paranormal series, 2 teen contemporary romances, 4 new adult contemporary romances, and 1 new adult, dark, mysterious romance. The problem with this plethora of genres is that it’s sometimes hard to market them. They are all vastly different from one another. However, one thing they all have in common (other than Engraved) is they have a strong romance element.

So I’ve decided it’s time to brand myself instead of trying to figure out how to market one individual book at a time. My hope is that if you love one of my books you will love them all, even if they are in different genres. They all have a strong romance element and they are written in a similar style and feel. In order to get this point across I’ve come up with a little tag line for myself. You can see it in my logo below:

Amber Garza, ADDICTED TO LOVE.

And that’s true. I am addicted to love. I am a self-proclaimed romance addict. And I suspect if you read my books, then you are too! You probably can’t get enough of first love and first kisses. I’m sure you swoon over book boyfriends, and get butterflies in your stomach when the couple in your book gets together finally. Well, I do too. And that’s what my books are all about. They’re about love. About romance. About first kisses and fighting for the one you want to be with. My characters are often tortured and have a lot to overcome, but in the end love always conquers all.

So that’s what this blog will be about – love and romance.

Also, if you haven’t joined my newsletter now’s the time. You can become one of my romance addicts and receive monthly emails containing juicy teasers, hot guys and lots of romance to feed your addiction. Also, you will be entered into a drawing to win a swag pack, and every quarter you will receive a free, exclusive story straight to your inbox!

Join by clicking this link: Amber’s Romance Addicts

Thanks for coming along with me on this journey of love and romance!

 

 

 

Getting Real: What it’s like to be an indie author

I love the reaction I get when I tell people what I do. The avid readers are always fascinated with my job and ask lots of questions including where to find my books. Usually they will be looking me up on Amazon by the end of the conversation. The aspiring writers want to know all about the business – how much I make, how did I get started, what a typical day looks like, how do I come up with ideas, etc. Then there are the people who don’t read, don’t want to write and are clearly uncomfortable with the idea that someone chooses to sit at home and make up stories all day. They usually smile tensely and then find the nearest exit route. But inevitably one question will be asked almost every time I share my profession – “Who is your publisher?”  When I answer with “Me,” I get a myriad of different responses. The hip, indie-friendly crowd thinks this is cool and wants to know all about how I make it work, while the old fashioned crowd looks at me all flustered and, frankly, a little disappointed. Suddenly to the latter crowd I’m not as cool as I was moments earlier. But the truth is that I don’t think either crowd really understands what it’s like to be a self-published author. I’m sure of that because I had no idea what to expect when I first took this career on. So I’m here to set the record straight and put an end to the false ideas of what being an indie author is and isn’t.

When I wrote my first novel ten years ago, I never saw self-publishing as a viable option. In my mind publishing my work on my own was admitting that I wasn’t good enough to be picked up by a traditional publisher. So I spent years querying agents and publishers. What I found was that I was getting a lot of good feedback from publishers and agents who liked my writing style, but couldn’t buy my book for many reasons. Either they had just purchased a similar story line or the genre was overdone or wasn’t selling anymore. It got so frustrating to try to come up with a novel that would meet an editors or agents expectations and fit into their very small box. But I found that those who I let read my books loved them. So in 2011 I started to look into self-publishing. I wanted to be a writer, not spend my life sending out query letters and proposals that went nowhere. After researching the market I was pleased to find that self-publishing didn’t carry with it the same stigma that it used to. Many indie authors were making it big and had great reviews and respect. I read a few indie titles and was pleased to find the books were professionally packaged, edited and were amazingly well-written. So I decided to jump on the bandwagon, and I self-published my first book on January 20, 2012.

The first myth I want to bust is that you’re not a real author if you’re not with a publisher. This is so untrue. I don’t care if you’ve only sold 1 book. You are a professional. You are getting  paid for what you do. However, most indie authors don’t only sell 1 book. In fact, most of us make a good living doing this. In my opinion that makes us real authors. If our books are published and people are buying them, it doesn’t get more real than that.

The second myth I want to bust is that being an indie author is easy money. NOT! I’m not going to lie – I do make decent money. But I have worked my ass off to get here. And I didn’t make it off my first book or my second or even my fifth. I started making money around the time I published my 7th book. It was a hard first year but I never gave up. When 1 book didn’t sell well I just worked that much harder to write another one. And when that one didn’t sell well, I worked hard to write yet another one. I kept honing my craft and getting help from people I trusted. I learned more, read more. And eventually I found my niche, and my books started selling.

The third myth is that I have all this time to do whatever I want since I sit around at home all day. If only! My day is slammed. Since I’m an indie author, I am IT. I’m the whole corporation. I am in charge of every aspect of my career. Sure, I have some amazing people who help me – a PA, author friends, bloggers, cover artists, editors, a formatter. Even so, it’s my job to pay them, to get my materials to them in time. And ultimately it’s on my shoulders if anything goes wrong. On top of that, I do all my own marketing, social networking, giveaways, etc. And I write books! A lot of them. One a month, usually. Truth is I work more than I don’t. My job is round the clock. It doesn’t end at a certain time and then resume again.  It’s an all consuming profession. And even more so since my characters rarely shut up and keep me awake at all hours of the night.

And lastly I want to bust the myth that I am in competition with other authors. This is a subject I’ve heard a lot about lately and it is so untrue. I don’t think of other authors as competition AT ALL. Readers don’t read just one book in their lifetime. They read tons of books. The more the merrier. Honestly, I want other authors to do well because I think it helps all of us. The more great books that are out there the more people are reading, and the more likely they are to find my books. I think it’s great, and I support other authors every chance I get. Indie and trad pubbed.

The bottom line is that if you want to be an author you have to choose the path that is right for you. Indie publishing isn’t a good choice for everyone. I personally love to have control over my career (I am somewhat of a control freak – ask my husband) so it’s a good fit for me. I’m a workaholic and don’t mind working round the clock. But not everyone is like that.

I feel super lucky to have my job and this post is in no way meant to whine about how hard I work or what I have to do. I love every minute of it. But I just wanted to be real with you. I get some strange questions and remarks that show me that people don’t have a clue what my job is like. So this is only meant for enlightenment. Do with it what you will.

Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts below. Also, if you have questions or have any other myths you’d like me to bust, let me know!

 

BREAK FREE – Cover Reveal and Sneak Peek!

Writing BREAK FREE was one of the best experiences of my life. Seriously. I loved Kyler and Jade more than any characters I’ve written up to this point. This story consumed me, haunted my dreams, and pestered me nonstop. I fell in love with Kyler from the minute he stepped into that barn and looked at Jade head-on, ignoring her scars. I literally cannot wait to share this story with you, and I hope you love it as much as I do! Below is the gorgeous cover done by the amazingly talented Regina Wamba from Mae I Design and Photography. And below that is the Prologue and First Chapter.  WARNING: There is some language and a little graphic violence. Enjoy!!

 

 

PROLOGUE

My face was on fire. And I’m not speaking figuratively. No, it was literally on fire. The flame, bright and red like blood singed my flesh, ate away at my porcelain skin. I clawed at it, batted it away, but it grew and spread like a ravage disease. Nothing could abate it. Nothing could stop the pain. The horrible searing pain.

My cries for help went unanswered.

His eyes watched me, uncaring, as the flicker of the flame danced in his irises. There wasn’t a hint of remorse as he stared at me, frozen in place. Then again, what did I expect when he’s the one who did this to me? Did I expect him to suddenly jump into action, play the part of the hero when all I’d ever known him to be was the villain?

Water finally stopped it. Glorious, cold water that I lapped onto my flesh, and splashed onto my skin until the flames quieted. But still the scent of burnt flesh lingered in the air, turning my stomach. And the intense pain was still there.

Reaching up, I grappled the tender flesh, skimming it with the pads of my fingers. Without even looking in the mirror I knew my face was damaged, scarred beyond repair.

That’s okay. I figured it matched my heart.

In school my teachers had taught me all about safety and not talking to strangers. But they never told me what to do when the danger lived in my very own home.

ONE

It wasn’t the first time he tried to kill me, but it sure as hell would be the last.

There was a time when I wanted Heath more than anything else. A time when one look from him brought me to my knees, made me worship the ground he walked on. All that ended the first time he beat the shit out of me. Now all I saw when he walked into the room was a monster. A monster way worse than the ones I’d imagined hidden under my bed as a child. There were times I swore I saw fangs when he smiled, a flicker of neon color in his eyes, horns protruding from his head, claws growing out of his fingers.

I had to fight the urge to throw up in his mouth every time he kissed me. His hands burned like hot irons when he put them on my skin. I imagined them leaving a trail of burn marks in their wake.

That’s all I was anyway. One giant scar. Marred beyond repair. Ugly. Broken. Damaged. Wasn’t that what he said in his fits of rage? Weren’t those the words he spewed as his fists rained down on me?

If it weren’t for the fact that he supplied the drug I needed to survive, I would’ve left long ago. But I didn’t know how to survive without meth. It had been my coping mechanism for as long as I could remember. I’d read enough self-help books to know that other people used methods like yoga, meditation, green tea and shit like that. There’s no way any of those things would work for me. Clearly those people had a different life than mine. I needed something a whole lot stronger to get me through my hellish days. But now even meth wasn’t working. The beatings were becoming more frequent, and even the best high wasn’t erasing the pain and agony I had inside. It was time to jump ship.

Heath came into my life at the right moment. As if he’d been waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike; looking for a girl who needed to be saved. I would’ve believed anything he said, as long as he promised to take me far away and never bring me back. I thought I was escaping into freedom, but all I did was switch nightmares.

But I was done. Through with all of it. He could find a new weak girl to prey upon.

While Heath slept off a bender I stole a couple hundred dollars from his wallet, preparing to leave for good. I contemplated stealing a stash of meth, but then thought better of it. If I was going to make a clean break I needed to really do it. The drugs would just bring me back. It would be hell to quit, but it was my only hope of gaining freedom. And wasn’t that what I’d always wanted? I wondered what that looked like. Was it even possible for someone like me to find it? I was skeptical, but willing to try. I picked up my backpack filled with all the belongings I had in this world. Sad that it could fit in a backpack. Even sadder that it wasn’t full. I could count off all my belongings on my fingers and probably not reach all ten. But I didn’t care. Things didn’t matter to me. Actually, nothing did.

I stepped over a pile of empty beer cans discarded on the ground near the coffee table, which was filled with overflowing ashtrays. There was a half empty pack of cigarettes and a lighter next to it. I shivered. Most meth addicts smoked, but I could never bring myself to do it. The first time I tried, I held the cigarette between my lips and flicked the lighter. When the flame danced from it, I started to draw it to my lips. I could feel the heat radiating from it and that’s when fear struck. I completely lost it, screaming and clawing at my face as if it were on fire again. Heath slapped me, demanding that I snap out of it. Only I couldn’t. It’s like it was happening all over again. From then on I knew I could never smoke. Even when Heath lit up his cigarettes I stayed as far from him as possible. In his particularly evil moments he’d flick on his lighter and tease me with it, bringing it close to my face or flashing it in my eyes.

I strapped my backpack on my back, and it caught on my long dark hair. I gathered up the strands, tugging them out. My hair was my favorite feature. It’s long and sleek, and I could use it to cover up the hideous scar on the right side of my face, the skin that was burned beyond repair. No amount of skin grafts in the world could make my cheek look normal again. I always wore thick bangs, straight and blunt, hanging right above my eyebrows. Hell, I’d grow them out over my entire face if I could. I liked to keep my face as covered as possible. I’d been told by guys over the years that my light blue eyes were beautiful, a startling comparison to my dark hair. But it’s usually right before they slept with me and never called again. Or right before they shoved their fist in my face. So I didn’t believe them. Besides, I knew the truth. If it’s true that your eyes are the window to the soul than my eyes must have been sad and dark to anyone who was really looking. Then again, I doubt anyone had ever looked that hard.

And, frankly, that was fine by me. It was safer that way.

When I stepped outside, the cool air circled me. Goosebumps rose on the bare flesh of my arms. I had a jacket in my backpack, but I didn’t bother grabbing it. The cold felt good. It made me feel alive. For a girl who was mostly dead, that’s saying something. Heath always told me that I was dead inside, that I lacked emotion, that I didn’t feel anything. I agreed with him, telling him I was ruined, numb. But the truth was that I did feel things. I felt it every time he called me repulsive and ugly. I felt it deep inside in that place where I stored the painful words spoken over me. The beatings I could take, it was the words that left the biggest mark. My physical wounds healed, but I could never erase the words that ran through my mind day and night.

Trash. Worthless. Damaged. Hideous. Stupid.

I wore those scars even more prominently than the ones people could see. I wore them in my heart, the place no one could reach. The place that no one could heal.

Cars passed me on the street as I walked along the sidewalk. The sky was dark, the windows in the apartment buildings lit up. If only I had a car. Then I could hit the open road and never look back. But Heath never let me drive. He kept me close, where he could watch me. Too bad he wasn’t watching tonight. Heath would be shocked when he found me gone. He didn’t think I’d ever leave him.

I smiled. A small smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes, but it was a start.

A car filled with teenage boys drove past. A few of them gawked at me from the back window. I looked down at my scuffed tennis shoes and pulled my hair over my face. But I knew it was too late. They’d seen the scar. I could tell by their horrified expressions.  And along with that, I’m sure they noticed the latest shiner, and the bruises along my neck where Heath had choked me. My fingers fluttered over the bruises, remembering how awful it felt to have my air supply cut off. Although there was a part of me that welcomed it. A part of me that waited for death to come. I wondered what it would feel like to slip into nothingness. No more pain, no more sorrow. It could be blissful.

But Heath didn’t want to off me, so he stopped before it got that far. Bastard.

I rounded a corner and headed for the bus stop. Heath could pay for my ticket out of town. Maybe I’d ride it to the end of the line. It didn’t matter where. As long as my past stayed here, I could go anywhere. I could leave it all behind, shed it like an old coat or a pair of worn out shoes. I’d never miss it. I’d never search for it. In fact, I hoped to never think of it again.

But I knew it wasn’t that easy. I could never outrun the memories no matter how hard I tried. And believe me I had.

The bus stop came into view and my heart stuttered in my chest. This was it. Time for a new beginning. As I took deliberate steps forward, I wondered if I could really do it this time. Would my attempt be successful or would I end up right back where I started?

Swallowing hard, I stepped into the line. A couple got in behind me, wedging me in. The family in front of me was loud as they chatted with one another. I scratched at my wrist, feeling itchy all over. I hated crowds. It made me claustrophobic. The man behind me bumped me with his elbow, and I curled into myself like a piece of origami, wishing I could transform like that. Change my shape and become something else. What I would want to be I wondered? A swan. Definitely a swan.

When I was little, I read a book about an ugly duckling becoming a swan. At the time it had given me hope that things could change. That maybe it was possible to alter your destiny. Life had ruined that idealistic view for me. But every once in awhile, I’d feel a glimmer of hope.

The line moved forward. I looked up at the board above the ticket counter, at all the potential places I could go. My chest constricted. I’d never set out on my own before. A bud of panic took root in my stomach and started to bloom slowly, like a flower opening up. The petals fluttered inside of me. It was my turn. Forcing myself to breathe, I stepped forward.

I could do this. I wouldn’t let fear hold me back this time.