Mary E. Marshall's Blog, page 14

How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Tears Your Power Drug

This week we continue the serialization of, How (NOT) to Be a Leader Volume 1, in preparation for the release of the next two books, How (NOT) to Build a Great Team and How (NOT) to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 16 – Tears Your Power Drug.

Sent: Friday, August 26 at 4:49 pm

From: CEO

To: Executive Team

Subject: Recent Feedback—Mandatory Meeting

Meet me in the conference room at 5:00 to discuss the conversations I’ve overheard all of you having about me. I’m not happy.

Whether you’re a woman or a man, tears are your friend. Not so if you’re some peon at the lower rungs of the corporate ladder, but if you’re large and in charge, tears are truly your secret weapon.

Tears can be used so effectively and manipulatively that no one will ever catch on. When someone cries, most people feel the need to provide some kind of comfort or relief. The truth is they’re secretly glad they’re not the one crying, so everyone puts on a public show of sympathy. You want to use this phenomenon to your advantage.

If you’re having trouble getting your team to come around to your point of view or if someone doubts your intentions (there may be a good reason for it, but let’s not dwell on that), just begin to look down and cover your eyes ever so modestly. Don’t say anything; let the silence do the heavy lifting. Then when you’ve worked up a good tear or two, slowly lift your head so they can see your red‑rimmed baby blues. Once you’ve spotted the sympathy on their faces, you’re on! It’s showtime, baby!

Keep silent for a few more minutes so it really sinks in that you’re hurt, then do the best that you can to fake genuine pain, and ask why anyone would question your integrity (remembering, of course, that it didn’t have anything to do with your integrity, but you need to act as if it did). This will catch your audience totally off guard. Now you have the complete upper hand, so go in for the kill. Say something like, “I know what you’ve been saying behind my back about this, so go ahead and tell me to my face. I can take it.” Your opposition will be so dumbfounded, they will completely forget why they disagreed with you in the first place. Of course, you didn’t really hear what was being said behind your back because you just made that up, but you need to act as if you did to make this believable. They probably won’t say anything because they have no idea what you’re talking about. If, by chance, they do relay some gossip about you, so much the better. In either case, just look them directly in the eye and say, “I’m surprised by you and very disappointed and deeply … hurt.” (Pause and take a breath before you say hurt.) This always gets them, and the rest of the team will be stunned, hoping you don’t look in their direction next. They all know they’ve dissed you at some point and are deathly afraid you really do know what they said. Step one of mission accomplished.

Now for the coup de grace: say, “I’m really disappointed in all of you. I had one simple idea I was trying to get through that would benefit all of you, and this is the reward I get. I’m deeply and profoundly hurt.” Bingo! You will now get buy‑in from the whole team for what­ever you want. The biggest ass kisser in the room will suck up first and say he is so sorry and of course he supports you. One by one, they will all fall in line and presto changeo! you win. See how easy that was? Tears are the magic elixir.

Another way to really use tears to your advantage is when you’re faking passion about something. Tears are great at big gatherings when you’re on stage to make a point about how passionate you are. Strategically stop midsentence as if you’re choked up, so that you have the sympathy of the whole audience, and then tell them why you believe so passion­ately about whatever you are blathering on about. Touch your chest a few times, dab your eye once or twice; you’ll have them eating out of the palm of your hand.

This is even more effective for a man because, when a guy cries, we all stop and take a tenderhearted breath. Wow, this must be serious, and look how vulnerable he is? So, listen, guys, work it; tears can be your best friend too.

Bottom line, tears are the ultimate tool to get your way. No one can say no to a crying boss, even if it’s completely ginned up! And they will love your sincerity, which is really the kicker.

Let’s Get Real

Never ever use tears or theatrics to manipulate people, it’s a form of emotional abuse. Human beings are wired to have sympathy for others in pain, so when it appears as if some­one is in pain, we automatically give up our own agenda for theirs. When authentic, this is an act of compassion and probably why we’ve survived as a species. But when used as a manipulative tactic, it’s more than painful: it’s painfully obvious.

Be real and be authentic. If you need to cry, do so, but if you’re doing it in public make sure people know why. If you’re upset about something from home and it bleeds into the workplace, say so. Don’t let people assume that you’re upset with them or with work. Ul­timately, crying is not something you want to do on a regular basis; it’s just not useful at work. If a situation warrants a genuine cry, whether you’re male or female, it can be power­ful. But, if used inauthentically, crying will leave you powerless.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 16

The post How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Tears Your Power Drug appeared first on Mary Marshall // CEO Coach.

How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Evil Rules

This week we continue the serialization of, How (NOT) to Be a Leader Volume 1, in preparation for the release of the next two books, How (NOT) to Build a Great Team and How (NOT) to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 15 – Evil Rules.

Sent: Friday, August 31 at 11:46 pm

From: SVP Sales

To: CEO

Subject: Plan is in motion

The plans are in place and the information I’ve gathered over the last year or so should be helpful to you in the transition. I’m having difficulty with one of the SVPs as she might be get­ting suspicious, but as we’ve discussed she might be on the chopping block anyway.

I look forward to serving you in any way I can and as I’m sure you have noticed, I’m able to get information for you quite easily. Thanks for your consideration of my expertise and posi­tion in the new regime. Congratulations on putting it all together!

Sometimes leading the sheep to slaughter is so easy it’s like taking candy from a baby. There is always a place for treachery, dirty deeds, and just plain evil in the workplace, but as a leader use those tactics if and only if doing so benefits you directly.

Another caution for all of you who think being an evil leader is easy and quick, it’s not. The devil (pun intended) is in the details. Patience is required to be evil properly. You bide your time, lay the trap, and then smile from ear to ear when it catches your intended target.

Of course, if you’re the leader, doing this is not really evil. It’s just good leadership because it accomplishes a goal. Admittedly, it may be completely selfish and narcissistic, but it’s your goal so any means to that end will do. Let’s take our butt‑kissing SVP in the email for example. He was solely responsible for gathering intel on his coworkers while angling for a big promotion. He was evil, but his boss was an evil genius.

Once all the information had been gathered and the traps had been set, the CEO pulled a fast one on her little Judas. She let the SVP know that the one person he really wanted to see fired would be staying on and reporting to him. Naturally, he was pissed, but as a student of the evil tactic, he saw the brilliance of his Machiavellian leader and decided to go with it and live to see another day. The CEO’s move was classic evil—never let your Judas think they have the upper hand because of all the dirty deeds they may have accom­plished. Create rivalries among all your evil‑doing subordinates, then watch the magic that happens. You’ll have more information, more competitiveness, and more people kissing your ass than you can shake a finger at. This is evil at its finest hour. Sit back and enjoy the scotch, knowing you won, and you have scapegoats should any blowback come your way.

While patience is required to lead with evil, you also must focus on your purpose. Evil for evil’s sake is just stupid. You must have a purpose, or it will come back at you and ulti­mately not serve any purpose. Remember, all evil must be in the service of something and for you and you alone. Occasionally, you might engage in evil acts at the behest of others or for their benefit. Be careful in these cases, as you might lose control, and when using evil tactics, control is a necessity. Never leave anything to chance: play out all scenarios and make sure you are the beneficiary of any outcome.

Occasionally, there will be unintended consequences. The key here is to make sure you’ve set yourself up for total deniability and have someone to blame. If you don’t, you’re a weak leader and you have only yourself to blame. Shame on you! Evil is a tool to be used only by the most skilled of leaders. What made you think you were worthy? You don’t get to this level of leadership by being weak. There’s no crying when using evil. If you’re not ready to kill or be killed, this is not a leadership characteristic for you. Go back to leader­ship daycare.

Let’s Get Real

Evil never wins in the end. You might win a battle or two by being a complete douche­bag like the characters in this story, but ultimately you lose as leader. Your team will never respect you; they may fear you, but respect will never come. They’ll make fun of you behind your back, they’ll never tell you the truth, and they won’t help you succeed.

You might be tempted to get even or show up someone who has been particularly evil in the workplace. Resist the temptation. Once you go down that road, your reputation will follow. One wrong act will likely lead to another. Own the first one, apologize, make every­one whole, and don’t do it again. Don’t be an asshole; be fair and be truthful.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 15

The post How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Evil Rules appeared first on Mary Marshall // CEO Coach.

How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Managing Your Personal Brand

This week we continue the serialization of, How (NOT) to Be a Leader Volume 1, in preparation for the release of the next two books, How (NOT) to Build a Great Team and How (NOT) to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 14 – Managing Your Personal Brand.

Social Media got your head in a spin about managing your personal brand? We’re here to help! Social media and personal brand management for leaders can be a daunting but im­portant task. As a leader, all eyes are on you, and how you present yourself on the Internet is job #1! Included in this chapter is a handy checklist of all of the social media sites where you should have a profile and account, as well as notes about how and what to post and how often to post. Blasting the interwebs with your messy digital footprint by garnering attention and followers will help drive your business forward, position you properly against your competition, and keep the buzz going about what events you’re attending, the thought leadership you’re contributing to your industry, and even what you’re wearing!

Remember: all PR is good PR, so don’t hold back. You’ve got a lot to say and a lot of people to say it to. In this chapter, we’ll cover the basics of some top social media plat­forms such as:

LinkedIn
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram
Snapchat
Tumblr
Pinterest
YouTube

LinkedIn: LinkedIn is social media for smart people, so it’s important that you keep your profile updated and include all the relevant information about your career and ac­complishments. But be yourself and don’t fall into the trap of posting a stuffy corporate headshot. Post a photo that says something about who you are and what you like to do in your spare time. Perhaps a photo of you on your boat with a frosty gin and tonic, or a powerful image of your latest trip to the gun range. It’s always refreshing to see authentic­ity! You should keep your eye on the feed and like, like, like posts from people you want to do business with or who have something you can gain from. Ignore the rest. Don’t ever post any content of your own though. Your thought leadership is valuable and shouldn’t be given away for free. And remember, LinkedIn is a social platform for smart people, so if you do feel compelled to post something original, make sure you copy it from something smart that’s hard to find on Google.

Twitter: Twitter is the most popular social media platform frequented by celebrities, politicians, and important businesspeople like you. Use it liberally and don’t hold back. Your fans want to see you as your true self. Using emojis, smart punctuation, and quippy 280‑character statements can get you noticed and using the right hashtag (#) can get you noticed in new circles. It’s not the quality of your followers that’s important, it’s the quan­tity! So, collect as many new followers as you can as quickly as you can by posting memo­rable images daily. Bathroom mirror selfies are a popular and quick method of letting the world know what you’re up to and what you’re thinking about yourself throughout the day. Twitter is also a wonderful place for you to go incognito by creating a fake account. This way you can troll your competitors, stalk your employees, and even pretend to be an ador­ing fan of your own brand! Who needs to create fake news when we can actually be fake people on Twitter!

Facebook: Facebook is a family‑oriented social media site (and is frequented mostly by old people for whom Twitter is too complicated), so you will want to post pictures of yourself at home spending lots of time doing family things like cooking, throwing parties, binge drinking, and looking like you enjoy your kids. You should be friends with everyone on your staff as this is part of being authentic and your true self. Facebook is also a won­derful site to get to know your staff, what they like to do in their free time, where they live, and what kind of people they associate with. Often, your employees will post thoughts and ideas about their workplace—important stuff for you to read and stay up on! Posting at ran­dom times throughout the workday will send a clear message that it’s OK for you to post on Facebook during the workday but not for them. Make notes about who is posting during the day and have your HR professional keep a daily log. These activities can be discussed at performance reviews.

Instagram: Instagram is a social media site for posting pictures of things you like such as artwork, places you’ve traveled, and food. It’s a particularly convenient place to post entire albums of your last vacation or the vacation you are currently on and is the ideal platform for creating a visual diary of your enviable life. Your staff will enjoy seeing that you are indeed spending your think time engaging in activities that will help drive your vision forward. The more cultural the better—if you’re not able to post images from art gal­leries and museums, or if you’re not able to cook visually appealing meals, you can always copy and paste something directly from the Internet and voilà! it looks like somewhere you visited or something you cooked yourself.

Snapchat: Remember Anthony’s Weiner? Well, Snapchat is the Internet’s answer to leaders accidentally posting or sending the wrong message publicly. Snapchat is an instant messaging platform that allows you to communicate in private (with photos!), and it auto­matically deletes your message once it’s been read. It’s perfect for sexting—an activity that you deserve to have fun with, but one that you definitely don’t want falling into the hands of your employees or the public. It can also be used for sending instant messages to employ­ees with whom you might be on the fringe of HR violations. If you’re having an inter‑office fling, stick with Snapchat for those late‑night trysts.

Too busy for all this? Go ahead and pay someone else to post as you. Just make sure they are being authentic when they pretend to be you.

Let’s Get Real

Personal brand is a tricky term. What it should mean is simply who you are, what you think, what your values are, and what you do. But in today’s world, it can be used as a plat­form for developing a persona that is not you at all, but rather someone you want the world to think you are. Simply put, someone who doesn’t exist. Personal brand management re­ally should mean the ongoing effort to:

Ensure that everything published about you (by you or anyone else) is true, authen­tic, and genuine
Publish valuable thought leadership that is useful and informative to others
Use common sense and good judgment

The landscape of social media can be useful, but it can also be littered with landmines. Don’t feel compelled to overuse it—to use platforms simply because your competitors or colleagues do—and, most importantly, don’t buy into the idea that quantity trumps quality when it comes to who you engage with on these platforms. Your privacy is yours to protect, and your image is yours to preserve. Your reputation is yours and only yours to manage.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 14

The post How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Managing Your Personal Brand appeared first on Mary Marshall // CEO Coach.

How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Be Loved

This week we continue the serialization of, How (Not) to Be a Leader Volume 1, in preparation for the release of the next two books, How (NOT) to Build a Great Team and How (NOT) to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 13 – Be Loved.

Sent: Tuesday, June 1 at 9:00 pm

From: ME!

To: All Staff

Subject: Summer Picnic at MY HOUSE!

Hey guys!!!!!!!

In thinking about what we could do this summer to have some fun together, I wanted to sug­gest that we have a summer picnic at my house on Wednesday the 23rd. I know it’s the mid­dle of the week but you all totally deserve a break! Of course, it will be a paid day, and I know production will have to stop for a day, but we can make it up by the end of the month don’t ya think?! You guys should definitely invite your spouses and SO’s! And kids too! I rented a giant bouncy house that they are just going to love. Let’s not do a potluck, that’s way too much work for you, I’ll have it catered. I know I’ve been going on about our numbers being down, but you deserve it and I think it would be great for us all to throw back some beers and have a BBQ, and there are so many families I’ve never met and I really want to.

So, let me know what you guys think! I’ll send out a calendar invite later today and a map. If anyone needs a ride let me know, my house is about an hour from the office but I’m happy to come into town and pick a few people up. This is going to be so much fun! Should we get T‑shirts??

Let’s face it, we all need a little lovin’ and leaders need more of it than most. Your job is stressful, you’re faced with tough decisions, and you work harder than anyone, so you de­serve to be showered with love and adoration. It’s owed to you, so rake it up every chance you get. More often than not, the most superb leaders are forced to completely ignore their home and family life, which (while a sacrifice well worth making for the money) can result in a lack of love and admiration from spouses and children that must be made up for in some way. And there’s no better place to turn than your work family in times like these.

Some methods for ensuring that you receive the love and adoration you so richly de­serve and need are:

Make sure that you are the head cheerleader and that everyone is having fun all the time. Give all of your people parties, picnics, team‑building events, morale‑building events, days off, snow days, perks, benefits, bonuses, raises, trophies, plaques, kudos, and hugs every day. Make your company the party bus that everyone wants to ride! These things are the hallmark of great leadership. The more you give, the more they take, and the more they love you.
Make sure you construct your org chart so you can completely avoid delivering negative feedback to anyone. Being negative is not your job. Make it someone else’s job to be despised and resented because you need your people’s positive energy for your own personal stamina. Leadership can really suck it out of you, so you gotta fill it back up with someone else’s energy from time to time.
Don’t exempt yourself from kudos and awards and the recognition you deserve; rather, guilt your people into giving you those things by playing the martyr card! Draw as much attention to yourself as possible by airing your personal problems, complaining, and feigning being overworked.

Let’s Get Real

Great leaders don’t need to be loved, they need to be liked and respected. Let’s break this down with some definitions to make sure we’re all on the same page.

Loving = Caring: Love is a complex word and a multidimensional emotion. In a broad sense, it is not traditionally used in describing professional matters. But one aspect of love that should be used in business is the aspect that means care. When leaders don’t care for or about the people they work with, it shows. When employees don’t care about the actual people who are their leaders, when they see a company’s leadership simply as corporate or the top brass or the powers that be, it shows and has a direct and negative impact on com­pany culture. A bidirectional sense of genuine caring leads to productivity, job satisfaction, retention, and for leaders, an enormous sense of purpose and reward. But some leaders need to be loved for a more self‑serving purpose: as validation to bolster their self‑esteem. An ongoing effort or campaign to be loved by your employees inhibits your ability to make decisions and limits your ability to remain objective and fair. If the caring aspect of love is in play, your most difficult decisions will be respected, your employees will be more moti­vated follow your guidance and help you when you need it, and your culture will flourish.

Admired = Respected: Let’s not confuse adoration with admiration. You do not need to be adored by those you lead, but you should be admired. Admiration is born out of a sense of respect, and when you are respected, you are appreciated. Being appreciated as a leader is validating and an excellent boost for your self-esteem. Separating this from adoration ensures that you fulfill the need but maintain the space necessary to make good decisions and remain objective. But this is also a bidirectional imperative: ask yourself if you respect and admire the people you lead. If you don’t, there is a systemic problem with your culture (or with you) that needs to be resolved swiftly. Because if you don’t respect them, they defi­nitely don’t feel appreciated.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 13

The post How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Be Loved appeared first on Mary Marshall // CEO Coach.

How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Drop Your Integrity

This week we continue the serialization of, How (Not) to Be a Leader Volume 1, in preparation for the release of the next two books, How NOT to Build a Great Team and How NOT to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 12 – Drop Your Integrity.

Remember to jot down what you said to Jen so you can practice it a couple of times when repeating it. —BB

There is a lot of loose talk about integrity as a defining characteristic of a good leader. It’s just not true. It’s a bunch of BS and the word itself is significantly overrated. If you look at any astoundingly successful leader, it’s not integrity that’s gotten them all the promotions, raises, and accolades from countless employees and clients. In fact, it’s just the opposite!

When you look closely at successful leaders, the more they’ve said one thing and done the opposite, the more they win! Regularly dropping integrity has been a cornerstone of the meteoric rise of so many great leaders in the corporate world. The reason this works so well is that most people want to believe what you say, so it’s pretty easy to fool them. The key is to remember what you’ve said to whom so you can back up your stories and keep track of them.

Dropping integrity can be tricky when you’re leading a team, so some stealth has to go into it. Let’s say you know an idea is a dog and you want to use this to further your own career. Get the team together and explain that you want everyone to appear to be working on the project, but, because you are concerned about their careers, you don’t want them to work too hard on it. You know it’s going to fail but you want to protect all of them. They’ll appreciate your sincerity and thank you for saving them from this loser of a project. Of course, you don’t really care about their careers, you just want to make sure that this thing sinks to the bottom of the bay faster than the Titanic. More importantly, though, make sure you’re not on it when it goes down. And if for some reason the damn thing floats to the top, you can blame the team for doing such a crappy job on it and fire a few of them for good measure. It’s a win‑win strategy for you and integrity didn’t play any part in it.

Of course, for this type of strategy to work in the long term, you will need allies, but you have to be very, very careful about who you choose. Make sure it’s someone with big am­bition and no integrity as well. This can be a bit of a problem if you’re trying to screw each other, so just make sure it’s not a peer and always someone lower on the food chain than you. Someone in HR can be a good pick as they always have the dirt on the entire company, and with very little effort, you can almost always get it out of them. Ultimately, however, you have to be or at least act like you are better at this game than your ally. You have to be ready to drop your integrity at the first sign that the ally might be dropping theirs to screw you. You have to be ready to rat them out at the first sign they might be disloyal. This cannot be tolerated in anyone. Also, keeping rivals warring will serve you better in the long run. They never know who’s screwing whom (sometimes literally). Do remember to keep notes or a journal or diary so you can remember what to use when you need it!

The higher than normal turnover will happen because you will have to fire anyone who has the temerity to question your integrity. Even if you have to make something up to fire them, the risks of keeping them are greater than a potential wrongful termination. Your truth can never be exposed. It’s yours and for you alone to know. If indeed anyone figures out what you have done, remember: denial is not a river in Egypt, it’s your first and last line of defense. Deny, deny, deny and blame someone else. Then act very hurt. Your basic lack‑of‑integrity defense strategy is to deny, blame, feign hurt. Works every time! Look at all the leaders who have used this strategy and moved ahead in their careers! Unbelievable!

Of course, dropping your integrity can be used for all sorts of good. If the company is cash-rich, figure out how you can use some, all in the name of business. Planning a trip to Italy with the family? Just figure out some client or business purpose why one of those days might be business, then expense the whole damn trip, first class of course, on the company. Seriously, you’re having to interrupt your vacation to do business. It’s the least the company can do. Oh, and be sure to put everything on one of your personal credit cards, then submit for reimbursement so you can get all those points! Even if the company frowns on it, you’re in a leadership position, you do what you want. Don’t ever let those damn bean counters try to shut you down. Fire their asses if they get too uppity. There are always more to fill that role.

Ultimately, there is no advantage to having integrity as a leader. It’s just a stupid, chump move. And it’s weak. Dropping your integrity for your own benefit is by far the harder move and takes more leadership skill. But the benefits far outweigh the downside. Be a leader, drop your integrity!

Let’s Get Real

Regardless of what you read in the news about rich or successful leaders who regularly drop their integrity, it’s not true. Their success is temporary. Their reputation as a cheater or liar is baked, and no amount of PR is ever going to cover up that ugly mess. They live in fear that someone is out to get them, and rightly so because of all the harm they have caused. You will also see those deceitful leaders who seem to defy logic, whose outright lies and outlandish, unethical behavior are jaw‑dropping and there seem to be no conse­quences. Just wait, there will be. There are also those who will follow these leaders to the ends of the earth because these leaders have selectively tuned out all that does not fit their truth and have explained away the rest. This is called a cult. Sometimes it takes a while for them to be called out, but it always happens.

Integrity is yours. It’s the calling card of good leadership and successful teams. Don’t treat it lightly. Care for it and guard it with your life. You’ll need it not only as a leader but as a person.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 12

The post How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Drop Your Integrity appeared first on Mary Marshall // CEO Coach.

How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Show Up as Anyone but Yourself

This week we continue the serialization of, How (Not) to Be a Leader Volume 1, in preparation for the release of the next two books, How NOT to Build a Great Team and How NOT to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 11 – Show Up as Anyone but Yourself.

MY PERSONAL JOURNAL  – Confidential – Tuesday, May 3

Today was horrible and I’m an absolute wreck. I’m exhausted and just about finished with this bottle of Chardonnay, but I need to write anyway to get some stuff off my chest. I mean I guess it wasn’t entirely horrible, I sure put on a good show—people still don’t have a clue about this disaster of a divorce I’m going through — thank God Jim’s not being an ass about showing up to company events with me — we still look like the perfect happy couple! And everybody still thinks we’re the philanthropists that we’re not. He’s not getting one dime, and neither are his bogus charities that he “loves.” … The Xanax helps. I was able to sit through those boring strategy meetings all day AND go to that stupid charity function of his. I hate that charity and I hate those snot‑nosed poor kids. Where do they come from anyway and why are there so many of them? Poor people just shouldn’t have kids. Sometimes I feel bad about not having kids, but I don’t like them, and they don’t like me. Why I ever started this lame company is beyond me other than it’s been so easy to make a nonprofit look like a NONprofit. Suck­ers. I bet I can keep up the charade of making people think I can’t have kids after they hear about the divorce. They’ll think he left me because of that. How sad! Evil Jim leaves poor me, CEO of a K–12 Public Education Fund who can’t even have her own children. Ha! Brilliant. The money will come pouring in—and I’ll have to up my salary again, they can’t say no now that I’m on my own financially, so there’s that bonus. All right, well I feel better already—love journaling. Seems to be the only thing I tell people I do that I actually do. Gotta get to sleep— early morning showing up at the gym for coffee again. No one is the wiser that I don’t work out before hitting the gym. Starbucks. God, who has time for that? Besides, it’s easier to stay this thin by not eating or by eating and barfing.

Note to self: call doc for a refill on the oxy, try “back pain” this time.

Are the public and private sides of you diverging more than usual? Sound familiar? If so, great job! Look, we’re all human, and we all have the normal everyday life struggles to contend with, but like they say, “Don’t let ’em see you sweat!” You’ll hear all kinds of advice about being authentic or genuine or even that overused term vulnerable but following advice like this will only expose your true weaknesses (if you actually have any), and that’s just not good for your personal brand. It’s certainly not real leadership.

You’re the leader, and you need to give everyone around you the impression that you always have it together. You’re smart and in charge, period. This isn’t hard to do, but it’s hard to be consistent about doing it. Flaws (inconsistencies) in your story lead to questions about your authenticity, and the biggest trick to being authentic is appearing to be authen­tic all the time. So, here are a few tips and tricks to keep your story straight:

Develop an image of how you want others to see you, and then be that person.
Remember your lies and keep them consistent. Never ever deviate from your original story.
Invest your energy in activities, friendships, and interests that make you look more interesting and more thoughtful than you are (you don’t have time to be thoughtful).
Pretend to care and feign interest in things and people that bore you.
Keep your actual personal life entirely to yourself.
Never ever say, “I don’t know.”

No one really needs or wants to know your dirty laundry. It’s dirty. The only reason people get caught up in scandals or fraud is because they talk too much. Don’t try to ex­plain away things that don’t make sense or numbers that don’t add up. Let someone else do that, and just keep repeating your standard stump speech. Eventually, people will get tired and stop asking. If you ever actually do get caught with your pants down or your hand in the cookie jar, blame another person or a mental breakdown. Remember, it’s never ever ever your fault. And, if they get too close to what is actually happening or to the manufactured truth, use the bright, shiny star tactic: “Look, over there!” Deflect, diffuse, confuse works every time. Do anything to get the attention away from the dirty laundry, which again, no one really wants to see.

Let’s Get Real

Truth be told, authenticity (the real kind) is one of the most important values that a great leader can have. It’s not a buzzword to be glossed over, taken lightly, or casually wo­ven into the core values of a company. It’s something that requires a lot of personal thought and exploration, maturity, security, and sense of self. Of course, we’re not proposing that you overshare details that compromise your privacy or constantly blather on about your problems. What we are proposing is that you accept the fact that you’re human and be the only human that you are at all times.

Companies often go through long, arduous processes of defining their company val­ues without first doing the important work of defining the values of the people as individu­als. Understanding your own values and making them known to everyone you encounter through your actions (assuming of course that your values are good) is what good leader­ship is all about. Strong personal values and a moral compass that is pointing in the right direction are what allow you to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to ask for help when you need it.

As the leader of any organization or group, you are the ethical compass. You have the fiduciary duty, whether real or implied, to operate honestly, ethically, and morally. If you don’t, neither will anyone who works for you. There are not shades of the truth. There is not truthiness there is only the truth, and as a leader, you will know what that is.

It takes a lot of energy to keep up the charade. Keepin’ it real takes none at all.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 11

 

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How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Make Sure Everyone Knows When You’re Upset

This week we continue the serialization of, How (Not) to Be a Leader Volume 1, in preparation for the release of the next two books, How NOT to Build a Great Team and How NOT to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 10 – Make Sure Everyone Knows When You’re Upset.

Sent: Saturday, August 1 at 6:46 am

From: Management

To: All Staff

Subject: Turnover Rate & Attrition

All,

Yesterday I received our Q2 Turnover & Attrition report and I was ABSOLUTELY HORRI­FIED by the data. In the second quarter, we lost 35% of our staff to voluntary resignation and yet another 12% to involuntary termination. This is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE, and I hold each and every one of you accountable for these disastrous results. This makes us look like COMPLETE BUFFOONS and our competition is sitting at our front door like HUNGRY WOLVES just waiting for our best talent to walk out where they will be greeted with open arms. I’m sending this to everyone because this is not only the fault of our managers, it’s the fault of EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU for not creating a better culture and more stable work environment. And I speak on behalf of our entire management team when I say that we EXPECT MORE from all of you. I want these numbers down 50% in Q3!!!! This is not open for discussion and I do not want to hear any excuses.

Enough already goddammit!

As all great leaders know, your temperament is the barometer the entire organization will adjust itself to. And so, it’s very important that when you are disappointed, upset, or just plain steaming mad, everyone knows. This can be achieved by your tone, your body language, and your spoken and written language. It is especially effective to communicate your dissatisfaction in emails, texts, and instant messages. Capital letters, underlines, italics, as well as smart and forceful use of punctuation are all useful techniques to put your unwavering passion on display. But nothing puts the cherry on the cake of the moment like a strategically placed expletive. Statements like “This is total bullshit!” or “She can go fuck herself!” or “You’re a bunch of goddamn idiots!” are statements that, while shocking in the moment, are totally unforgettable and wildly effective.

When you’ve had enough of the apathy, excuses, blaming, and sheer laziness that leads to poor business performance, you have no time to waste in making sure everyone knows that you’ve reached your wit’s end. Remember, there is nothing wrong with instilling a little fear into your organization. Fear keeps people on their toes and, more importantly, causes them to do whatever they can to avoid the next verbal smackdown. If in their minds, that firestorm looms around every corner, then you’ve got people exactly where you need them.

If you are a business owner, it’s especially important that everyone knows the sacrifices you personally have made to create the company. That it’s your vision and yours alone, and nothing will stand in the way of its success, especially an apathetic, lazy employee. Putting (and keeping) on your best “How dare you?” attitude will solidify your leadership position, keep them operating at peak performance, and end‑run any flare‑ups that might be brewing amongst the ranks.

But if you are a member of an executive management team, there are other techniques you can use to achieve the same effect! You also have the luxury of blaming up and directing your anger at the owner, the investors, or any other person or entity that the staff might believe has authority over you. This preserves the illusion of your loyalty to the staff so that their love and adoration for you goes unscathed (See Chapter 13: Be Loved) and also gives you one glorious last resort: the pity party!

As a member of a management team, you can quickly and effectively let your team know how upset you are by staging a breakdown. Phrases such as “I’m working so hard for you guys” or “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I’ve done everything for you” or “I don’t think you appreciate me” are all ways you can make your team feel guilty for their poor performance. Remember: guilt is every bit as effective as fear, so don’t hesitate to use it. And like the old saying goes, “Never feel guilty for making people feel guilty—that defeats the purpose!”

Leading unpredictably and as emotionally as possible keeps people guessing, which is exactly where you want them to be. The more unstable you appear, the more likely they will pay attention to your every move. Now you have them right where you want them.

Let’s Get Real

Great leadership means having a steady hand, steady heart, and steady mouth. There is no place in business (or in life for that matter) for leading through fear or guilt. These are manipulative tactics that will result in both broken people and a broken company. Every leader has moments of frustration, disappointment, and even anger. But your team is looking to you for calm resolve and focus on the issue, not emotional explosiveness. Putting your negative emotions on display will only do one of three things:

Give others permission to emulate your behavior.
Create a culture of fear that suppresses ideas and innovation.
And yes, send your employees running for the door.

This is not to say that you can’t or shouldn’t be open and authentic with your feelings. You can and should! But be impeccable with your words, your body language, and your tone. Be empathetic, and always come from a place of strength and calm resolve. Emotionally intelligent leaders are authentic and appropriate in their use of emotion. Stability from leadership produces stability in the workplace, and productivity is the result. Not to mention happiness, which is why people choose one workplace over another.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 10

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How (NOT) to Be a Leader – The Irrelevance of Truth

This week we continue the serialization of, How (Not) to Be a Leader Volume 1, in preparation for the release of the next two books, How NOT to Build a Great Team and How NOT to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 9 – The Irrelevance of Truth.

Sent: Tuesday, February 3 at 6:45 pm

From: CEO

To: All Staff

Subject: Difficult Times Ahead

All,

I regret to announce that due to recent decisions by your management team, we’re going to be shutting down the San Diego plant. Although this will result in layoffs, all of these people will be offered jobs at our new facility in Fargo, North Dakota. We look forward to our continued growth and profits. The new location offers so much in the way of quality of life and lower cost of living that I’m sure many of you will want to trade your overpriced houses for that much desired white Christmas!

The truth: What is it really? And according to whom? And by the way, exaggeration is not lying, it’s just a little aberration on the truth, but it’s perfectly acceptable. Remember, there is no actual truth squad, much to some of the elites’ dismay.

The point is, you don’t need to worry about the truth when you’re in pursuit of something. If it gets you what you want, it’s the right thing to do it’s your truth that matters. And, because you’re the leader, who the hell are they to question you anyway? As we said, the truth is only the truth insofar as it gets you what you want.

When someone is called a liar, it’s usually not meant in a positive light. As if they’ve done something wrong. But seriously, there are about one hundred definitions for lies: little lies, white lies, black lies, lies by omission, lies to spare someone’s feelings, whoppers, mon­sters, prevarications, forgeries, identity theft, untruths, lies of commission, fabrications, er­rors, restructuring, denial, minimization, and exaggeration, just to name a few. With all of these definitions, how can this be something that is wrong? Clearly, it’s a leadership tactic that you must employ.

As a leader, you have to use all the resources at your disposal. Lying is a really good one, and more importantly, it’s effective. And it’s effective mainly because no one expects leaders to do it, and with the element of surprise, you are successful with it more often than not. If someone does dare to question or confront you, the key is to do one of two things. The first is to own it quickly, explain why it was the right thing to do, then apologize and move on (meaning don’t give it another thought). The important thing here is to show why it was the right thing to do: it was a means to an end that was justified. The second is to absolutely deny that you lied and make them think they misunderstood, or, if that doesn’t work, just blame someone else. Never admit guilt—that is just a losing strategy.

Remember that all great leaders lie. How else would they have gotten where they are? Take the email at the head of this chapter for example. No one living in San Diego wants to move to North Dakota, even if they do want a white Christmas. But when someone in authority tells you this is the truth; you give it a second look. Then you look for further proof that this might in fact be true. (And let’s be clear, you can find any and all points of view on the Internet because conspiracy theories and fake news rule the day.) Before long, you’re actually believing that you want to move to North Dakota for a white Christmas, and, oh by the way, for half the pay. See how well that worked?

As a leader, the key is not to give too much information at once. Don’t get yourself tripped up right out of the chute. Leave enough wiggle room that you can just make stuff up as needed. Truth is your friend but stick to it only as long as it serves your purpose.

Let’s Get Real

The truth is an absolute imperative to great leadership. There are no exceptions to this rule. This does not mean complete and total transparency at all times because you need to be sensitive to privacy and timing and use strategy and tactics to communicate effectively to get the most positive result and reaction. But when you do speak, you must speak the absolute truth and every word that leaves your mouth, or your keyboard must be impeccable.

Most human beings default to a trust state when it comes to the internal assessment of leadership. Until that trust is broken. From the very first time that trust is broken, regardless of how minor the break in trust, the default state of those being led will be fear, mistrust, suspicion, and doubt. As a defense mechanism, those you lead will hunt for and expect lies and untruths, changing the dynamic in a way that can never be repaired. Truthfulness and trustworthiness are the most valuable characteristics of a great leader and should be protected and revered at every step. If not, your lack of these qualities will precede you in every step you take. The result: an abandonment and forfeiture of leadership forever.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 9

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How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Playing with Power

This week we continue the serialization of, How (Not) to Be a Leader Volume 1,in preparation for the release of the next two books, How NOT to Build a Great Team and How NOT to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 8 – Playing with Power.

Sent: Sunday, April 8 at 11:40 pm

From: CEO

To: Exec Team

Subject: Meeting

Please come to tomorrow’s meeting prepared to discuss one thing you would like one of your colleagues to change. There has been lot of backbiting lately as several of you have reported to me, so it’s time to get it out in the open. Should be an interesting discussion.

One of the best things about being a leader is the power that what you say goes. You have the ability to easily make or break someone and to have a little fun in the process. Power is the ultimate weapon! The challenge is having it come off as sincere and realistic, as if you had to do it.

An example of this would be to have your direct reports tell you what their career goals are. Encourage them to be as honest as they possibly can, even going so far as to offer up your job to them as an enticement to talk. For example, you could say something like, “What if I were to leave or be promoted, would you want this role?” This a great way to suss out those who might be disloyal to you. You’ll want to listen to their answers carefully. Do they praise you and say there is no way they could ever do your job? That’s a keeper. If they do see themselves in your role, keep that to yourself for future use. You can cut them down in public with that little tidbit when it will hurt most. Finding others’ vulnerabilities is the key to great leadership.

Here’s where you need to be strategic about things. You will often have to wait several weeks or even months for just the right time to embarrass, mock, or humiliate someone who deserves it. Patience is great virtue when using power to your advantage. However, if the perfect opportunity doesn’t present itself before you run the risk of forgetting what you were going to use, call a meeting! Set everyone up for a catfight and let the fur fly. Even if the premise of the meeting has nothing to do with what you want to embarrass someone with, it’s your meeting and you can rain on the parade. And rain you will. The poor unsuspecting sop will never know what hit them.

Let’s say you called the meeting to discuss conversations that had been going on recently. Even if there had been none, you can bet that someone will bring something up. Let them go on for a while attacking each other. Wait until someone else attacks your prey and then pounce. Throw out what you know about them, what they told you in confidence, or something else you know would be humiliating, embarrassing, or just plain mean. Whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter. You’re the leader and what you say and how you say is all the truth you need.

As a leader, you also need to make public displays of power. The reasons are irrelevant, but these displays become your chance to publicly humiliate people, and that’s the power move. Later, if anyone has the audacity to challenge you, you can privately lay them out and they become your next public victim. Pretty soon, no one will ever question you, which is exactly what you want. A culture of fear, intimidation, and unpredictability is the most productive of all. Most importantly, this type of culture ensures that you are the only one who truly and skillfully can wield the power. Only you have the sword. You will be on fire, so much so that you’ll need a cigarette after your performance (which was almost better than sex after all)!

On occasion, you might have a few sad sacks who feel the need to come to the rescue of the one you’re abusing. Again, if they do it publicly, take them down swiftly and succinctly just like you did the first one. Never tolerate any vulnerability or empathy in your team. Those are traits of losers, not leaders.

This is how you use power: to get what you want, to crush those who threaten you, and to just generally play with people because you can. It really feels good. The best part is everybody wants to be you—they want to be the one wielding the invisible power wand. You can never have enough because power begets power and the more you use it, the more you use it, the more you’ll get. So c’mon, get on the power train. You’ll never get off!

Let’s Get Real

Never use power to humiliate, embarrass, or otherwise demean another human being either privately or publicly. Doing so just makes you look small, pathetic, and weak. Power is a tool to be used for doing what’s right for the individual, the whole, and the greater good. Unfortunately, when some leaders get power, it goes to their heads and the only thing they can focus on is keeping it, hence the roadkill along the way. Exploiting someone’s vulnerability is not leadership, it’s abuse. Name‑calling or belittling someone says more about the perpetrator than it does about the victim. What you call someone is usually what you are or what you fear. Words matter.

Being a power‑hungry leader will get you the reputation of being an asshole and lead to dismal results. Real results come from using your power wisely: making good decisions, promoting those who do good work, acknowledging that work, helping others achieve their career goals, and never being afraid to do so. A good leader almost never uses power but rather leads and guides the organization to success through the successes of others and those of the team. Remember the phrase: “Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Very true.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 8

The post How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Playing with Power appeared first on Mary Marshall // CEO Coach.

How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Large and In Charge

This week we continue the serialization of, How (Not) to Be a Leader Volume 1,in preparation for the release of the next two books, How NOT to Build a Great Team and How NOT to Create a Winning Strategy. We hope you will enjoy Chapter 7 – Large and In Charge.

Sent: Monday, March 16 at 5:47 pm

From: CEO’s Desk

To: Executive Team

Subject: Investment Banker Presentation on Tues.

Team,

The folks from Gold Tower Investments will be here on Tuesday as part of their vetting process is to meet with all of you, get to know you better individually, and get a real sense of the strength and valuable contribution that each of you bring to our great company. Please be early and bring your best! Also, seating and presentation is important in this meeting, so I’ll be seated at the head of the conference table. Jim, Dave, and Bill, I’d like you on my left representing business and finance. Ladies, if you would please sit together on my right representing HR and marketing. All of you, dress for success. Ladies, NO pantsuits!

I’ll assume that we all agree I’ll answer ALL the questions, unless I specifically ask you something or turn in your direction. You need to be prepared for any and all questions when and if I call on you to answer on your own behalf. Please stay bright‑eyed and attentive as they’re expecting you to be the A team!

See you all then, and best of luck to you!

Body language and physical presentation are critical to great leadership, not only when presenting to others but also in your day‑to‑day encounters with your staff to ensure that you are at all times positioned in a way that reinforces your authority. Let’s start with body language. There are two easy words to keep top of mind: height and proximity. Studies in business books have shown that tall people emanate power and are especially fortunate to have that natural intimidation factor working in their favor. For those less fortunate (which is anyone under 5’ 9” in the United States) you will have to find ways to appear taller. For women, this means the highest heels that you can stay balanced in. Since anything under a 3” heel tends to look dowdy and age you, shoot for 3.5” and higher. Four inches is the optimal heel height to both increase your height and say, “I’m in charge and can get nasty when I need to” at the same. For men who fall short (pun intended!) of optimum power height, there’s an old adage: “When you can’t go high, go wide!” So hit the gym, bulk up, and make sure that your upper arms and shoulders are as wide and muscular as possible. This will say to everyone in the room, “I may be short, but I’ll kick your ass to get my way, and I’m so awesome that I have lots of free time to spend in the gym.” Also, shoe lifts can work, but make sure it isn’t obvious that you’re wearing them. And for God’s sake, if you have small hands, keep them under the table. No sense in advertising that! Women, if you have a decent rack, let it show! It will keep the focus on your boobs and you’re more likely to get what you want. You might as well use all your assets!

Once you have reached the optimum stature, you’ll want to work on your proximity to others. Remember that a sure‑fire way to state your position is to invade your subordinates’ personal space. After all, they are your employees: you gave them the space they are occupying, so it’s yours to claim as you see fit. When visiting a team member’s office, stand or loom over them. If you need to sit, perch on their desk near their chair so as to say, “Look only at me, and listen only to me.” Planting yourself directly on top of their working files is also a way to subliminally let them know what you think of their most recent SWOT analysis or competitive review. This will have them shaking in their boots about that upcoming performance review! Your invasion of their personal space with all parts of your body can be oppressive, which is the point. Make your people feel your presence—make them feel small and scared.

In a group setting, this dynamic is even more critical. But since you are the leader and it’s important that you arrive late to most group meetings (see Chapter 20: The Waiting Game), you may have to get creative to ensure that you have the most visible seat at the head of the table. Techniques for doing this include simply approaching the person sitting in your desired seat, looming over them, and saying nothing. This creates a healthy, natural tension that will cause them to offer you their seat at once. You can also announce that you’d like to rearrange the seating and move everyone to the seat you would like them to sit in. When meeting with investors, bankers, strategic partners, etc., make absolutely certain that you seat the most attractive team members nearest your guests (second to you, of course), but whatever you do, don’t let them speak.

Over time, you will learn the other subtleties of body language for leadership: waving your arms, slamming your palm on your desk, rolling your eyes, giving squinty stares, and making long, breathy sighs. Every body movement, or lack thereof, is powerful! These are all techniques to get your point across without wasting your words. Remember: intimidating silence is golden!

Let’s Get Real

Leaders are often the last to fully realize how their body language and interpersonal behavior is interpreted by others and how it can create an unspoken barrier between them and their colleagues. Frequently your body language is the first thing to make you appear inaccessible, dominating, or intimidating. So, remember, make meaningful eye contact when you’re listening, never stand over anyone, respect others’ personal space, and let people speak for themselves.

Great leadership means putting others before yourself and giving them the space they need to grow. Being aware of your own physical presence, your hand gestures, and your proximity to others is respectful and necessary. All of these unspoken cues will cause others to feel either intimidated or welcomed and encouraged. Be mindful of your space and how much oxygen you are giving or taking in any given setting. Others are watching closely.

Download this chapter for free – How (NOT) to Be a Leader – Chapter 7

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