Lydia Michaels's Blog, page 6

The 299 Author Movement

This article is a follow up to my last post, We MUST Have a Voice. Everything in this article is based on the sources I’ve noted and my personal opinions. It is not intended to vilify any group, but to spread awareness in hopes that we might find a solution together.

Is it time to make some waves?

Over the past week, I’ve seen an uprising in the author community regarding the devaluation of books and the impact it’s having on the industry. Author Mia Downing wrote a poignant article on the subject which can be found HERE and I followed her story with my own article to let Ms. Downing know she’s not alone. The response was overwhelming. Over 150 post shares in under 24 hours. Obviously, this topic resonates with the struggling author community.

Any search on the “devaluation of books” will prove that this trend has become an epidemic and many are suffering. But we are not just devaluing books. We are devaluing authors. The culprit? It’s us–the authors. Yes, there are other influences at play, but in the self-publishing industry it is the author who has sole autonomy over the price of their product.

How does it work? Here are the basics…

FREE books = $0 Rolyalties
$0.99 to $2.98 = 35% Royalties*
$2.99 & up = 70% Royalties*

*Based on Amazons Direct Publishing policies.

What do those numbers mean?

Books priced below $2.99 are hurting authors. The market is saturated. We are drowning. What used to be a marketing technique now is just a waste of time. Why? Because almost every single indie author is lowering their prices in hopes of gaining exposure. But when a tactic becomes the norm, that tactic no longer acts as a way to “stand out”. It’s not a sale if it becomes the expected cost.

Books, which were once valued between $5 and $30, have devalued to FREE or $0.99. Of course this is not all books, but it’s happening to enough that something has to change. Technology took a toll, but I’m grateful for the age of eBooks. It opened up a lot of opportunities for authors and readers and even publishers. With out the cost of print, producing books has become a very achievable goal for many. But with the rise of indie authors came the necessity of freelance industry professionals. Indie authors (authors who self-publish) are responsible for the production costs. And there is a cost–even for paperless eBooks.

Here are some industry price averages:
Developmental Edits: $200-$1,500
Copyedits: $150-$700
Proofreading- $100-$500
Beta reading- Free-$300
Cover Art- $30-$400
Cover Artist- $75-$300
What’s the cost of writing? 
Good question! Let’s try to figure that out…

A full length novel (roughly 80,000 words /350 pages) takes months to years to write. For simplicity, let’s say it takes 1,000 hours. That’s 125 eight-hour days. The minimum wage in the US ranges from $5.15 to $10.50, so let’s average that to $7.82 an hour.

$7.82 x 1,000 hours = $7,825.

Based on the numbers above, if we are pricing our books below $2.99 we would have to sell somewhere between 3,000 and 8,000 copies of that new book to earn a minimum wage income for our time. Unfortunately, the average author is not making that many sales. (FREE books don’t equate, because they don’t produce a royalty.)

What are authors ACTUALLY selling?

According to BookScan, which tracks most bookstore, online, and other retail sales of books, the average U.S. book is now selling less than 250 copies per year and less than 3,000 copies over its lifetime. Not good.

Quick math:
250 copies of a $2.99 book earns a 70% royalty of $523

When the cost of producing a book ranges from $555.00 to $3,700.00, authors are coming up very short. We are not even close to breaking even or earning a minimum wage for our time.

Now for the clincher…
If books are sold under $2.99 (35% royalty), the author is looking at a return between  $86 and $260 over the course of a year!

$86 -$260.

Really consider those numbers for a minute.

Jeans can cost $86 (not my jeans, but still…).

$260 wasn’t enough to buy a refrigerator during the 1920’s. It’s the cost of a bicycle today.

Tell me, could anyone survive on $86 – $260?
The answer is no.

So what is this doing to your books?

Well, some are cutting corners. Editors are losing clients. Unpolished work is clogging the market. I think I speak for many when I say, we want to give you our very best, because we want to earn your trust and faith in our product. And we also want to give readers a fair price.

The competition is fierce! According to Leonid Taycher, a Google software engineer who works on the Google Books project, 129,864,880 books exist. Every year the number of books published increases. We authors have no choice, but to price our books competitively. But we also have to survive.

“The average books sells less than 250 copies in the first year.” ~BookScan

In my previous article, We MUST Have a Voice!, I explained the price war in more detail, addressing the true cost of bundles and the marketing logic behind such deals, which once was sound. Ms. Downing pointed out that in one week she was able to download 170 FREE novels. We’ve removed the need to purchase books, because with so many free, who has time to read more? We are the proverbial cow. Why buy it when you can get the milk for free?

We don’t just need a fair price for readers. We need a fair price for authors. We must be fair to everyone.

A book of stamps costs $9.40, yet novels are selling for under a dollar. Quality has a cost. Writing is a business and there must be a balanced budget or that business will bankrupt itself. I trust that my readers see my efforts to provide quality in every page they read when they purchase one of my books. I invest in editors and professionals to help me along the way, like many authors do. And I believe readers will understand my position when I say:

I support the 299 Author Movement.

What does that mean? It means 95% of my novels will remain above the $2.99 threshold. I say 95% because I do feel there is a place for the $0.99 eBook. For instance, my McCullough Mountain series, which closed in 2015, has 7 stories. It is a successful part of my backlist and I hope it continues to attract new readers. The first novel of this series is set at $0.99 to do just that, but the rest of the series is priced at or above the $2.99 mark. There are exceptions, but we can no longer make $0.99 books the norm.

I’m calling this a movement, because we have a problem. If we don’t move in a different direction, we will have a serious crisis on our hands. We all contributed to the problem, not realizing how greatly we were shifting the market. Now, I’d like to add my efforts to solving that problem. Similar to kids making a whirlpool in a pool, we were all moving in one direction, and turning the current around will be difficult, but it is possible. We just have to make some waves.

I invite all authors and readers to join me in supporting the 299 Author movement.

Here is a badge, to help raise awareness. Please share it. Openly discuss this issues with your readers and fellow writers. Tweet #AuthorsMustHaveAVoice so that we are heard. We’ve been sinking in a crowded pool for too long, sucked in by the idea that FREE leads to more. We must make some waves if we intend to stay afloat in this business.

Please share your thoughts below and Tweet me @Lydia_Michaels. While these are just my opinions on the subject, I know I’m not alone. Together we can make a change.

And thank you to my incredible readers, who continue to follow my work! You are the force behind our words, the ones who get us through when the going gets tough. Without readers, there would be no such thing as authors. Thank you.

We MUST Have a Voice!

Remember this guy?

Yes, it’s Christian Bale, but many of us knew him before he was Batman, back when he was Jack Kelly, the newsie who shook the entire city of New York during the strike of 1899. He’s portrayed by Sexy Mr. Bale in the film Newsies. Why am I bringing him up? Well, sometimes history repeats itself and the answers are there, but we don’t immediately recognize the obvious.

I started writing in 2008. My first book was published at the close of 2011. I earned my first big contract with an industry giant in 2013 and figured my career was set. Guess again. I’m what the publishing community refers to as a hybrid author. That means I work under contract to traditional publishing houses in New York, published with small presses, and self-published the majority of my backlist. I never intended to self-publish, but with the close of so many small presses, it’s the most secure avenue I’ve found (in my personal opinion).

It’s also no secret that self published authors make 35%-70% royalties and that profit belongs solely to the author (before taxes of course. The IRS gets their fair share from us authors each April). The bonus of earning such high percentages is that we also have the autonomy to price our work as we see fit. When one of my small presses closed without warning, I had to jump into self-publishing and learn the tricks of the trade quickly. Formerly, some of my readers complained about my books being priced too high when sold by small presses, but contracted authors have zero say in the final price of a book. With the small press, my ebooks (novels roughly 400 pages each) were priced between $5.99 and $7.99 (set by word count at the publisher’s discretion). Each sale was divvied up between the publisher, author, editor, copyeditor, cover artists, and of course, the distributor. Royalties are a lot smaller when divided that many ways than they are when an author is independently published and a sale is only divided between the writer and distributor. With my small press I earned an income of about $4.00 per book (before taxes), but I wasn’t making as many sales as I would pricing my books at, say, $2.99.

Here’s a little marketing tidbit…
Lower Prices = More Sales
Higher Prices = Less Sales but more money per sale

$2.99 is a hot number. It’s the cusp on Amazon that separates the authors earning 70% from those earning 35%.

Here’s how Amazon works…
FREE books = 0 Royalty
$0.99 to $2.98 books = 35% Royalty
Anything over $2.99 = 70% Royalty
In short, a $0.99 book earns an author $0.35 per sale. A $2.99 book earns the author $2.09 per sale. And to make my point about how big the gap between $2.99 and $2.98 actually is, that one penny drops an author’s royalty from $2.09 to $1.04. That’s one pricey penny!

When I joined the ranks of the self-published world, I decided to help my readers by lowering my prices. I dropped the majority of my books to $2.99 (that’s $3 to $5 cheaper than what they were spending with my previous small press publisher) and I made half as much per sale, but I sold twice as many novels. In this business it’s all about exposure, so I was fine with those numbers. The result was great. I made more with Amazon than I did with any small house, but each author’s experience is different. I really felt the closing of my small press was a blessing in disguise, until everything changed.

My staff and I have scratched our heads for months, trying to pin point the sweet spot of the self publishing market. Honestly, it’s like trying to locate the g-spot of a woman… sometimes that stuff only happens in fiction (Buh-dum-bump). But this was no laughing matter. Not only were my sales tanking, so were the rest of my friends’ sales. Please also keep in mind that indie authors are responsible for all the other expenses that go into publishing. My last novel, when all was said and done, cost over $2,500.00 to polish and perfect (think editing, audio, cover art, marketing, book tours, proofs, printing, and postage). It’s a lot to gamble, but a good quality product should show a fair return, if things are operating as they should. Unfortunately, they’re not.

Like a funeral procession, I watched as each day, another author threw in their hat and gave up on the dream. It was beyond scary and as the amount of self-sufficient authors dwindled, so did my sales. This is with the continuous price drops, which should drive sales up. But they weren’t.

Here’s what was happening… Someone had the brilliant idea of dropping their prices down to $0.99. This was once a steal for a book! the readers jumped on the opportunity. Then that author hit a bestseller list. Awesome! That’s what we all hope for. Other authors saw what Author #1 was doing and did the same. The market overflowed with $0.99 books, and not just novellas, these were full length novels, something that takes months or years to write. Once $0.99 books became the norm, authors started pricing them for FREE, and while this did nothing for their income, it did get them the coveted exposure we all hope to find and more sales, but again, they made $0 on each sale. Please don’t take this as complaining. This is just a recap of history. All of the above is clever marketing and part of doing business in a saturated market. But then the game changed again.

Authors then got together and started selling bundles or box sets or what used to be called anthologies. This was a fine practice that opened authors up to new audiences by riding the success of other professionals and sharing a bit of their own readers as well. But when box sets started getting crowded, squeezing 24+ full length novels into one set, things went awry. To compete with the saturated market, box sets were priced at $0.99, sometimes even sold for FREE! When a box set hits a best seller list, all the authors involved reap the notoriety. However, they were making less than a penny per sale. This was summed up beautifully in an article by author Mia Downing, which you can read HERE. Ms. Downing also pointed out that in one week, she was able to download over 170 full length novels without spending a penny. If that many books are available for free, who has time or the need to buy books? Just take a minute and imagine how long it would take to read 170 novels.

Just as Ms. Downing pointed out in her article, many have pointed fingers. Some blame Amazon. Some blame the Big Six publishing houses in New York. Some even blame promotional giants that require authors to spend upwards of $1,000.00 to be featured in one (1) email and require their book be marked as FREE. Marketing is a bitch. There’s no debate about that. Authors are spread thin, trying to figure out how to market their work, maintain an online presence, host parties, run giveaways, coordinate with editors and artists, and don’t forget, write. It makes it really difficult to do all of this when making  a few dollars, sometimes pennies a day. No, I’m not trying to play martyr or have a pity party. I’m trying to echo the poignant points Mia Downing made in her mentioned article above. We authors are drowning and we are doing it to ourselves.

Going back to my Newsies reference above, there’s more to this story than a cheerful Disney portrayal of down on their luck cutie pies dressed in Jeff caps and suspenders. There’s truth and a moral to be learned.

In 1898 publishers raised the cost of newspapers sold to newsboys from 50 cents to 60 cents per one hundred papers. This was due to the Spanish-American War. Because there was a war taking place, the price out of pocket was balanced by the increase of paper sales. So everyone won. But when the war ended, Joseph Pulitzer’s paper, The World, and William Randolph Hearst’s paper,The Journal remained priced higher than the newsies could afford. You see, newsies were impoverished children who were sometimes homeless. They only had their meager profits to survive and no one to speak on their behalf, as they were independent entrepreneurs much like us authors. So they went on strike, combining all their voices as one, until the world heard what they were trying to say.

This isn’t right.

If you watch the movie, you will get an enchanting, musical depiction of American history, be inspired by the strength of numbers, and awed by the power of integrity. While none of us authors are doing cartwheels in the streets and staging protests in an industry that  operates mostly in cyber space these days, we are worrying. And many of us are whispering, “Something’s wrong.”

The book industry continues to crumble, and not just where independently published writers are concerned, but also in the land of skyscrapers and industry giants. What was once The Big Six is now more commonly referred to as The Big Four. Authors are left floundering while the standards continue to fall. What was once worth $5.00 and a week of pleasure has been devalued down to almost nothing. It hurts to warn budding writers away from author careers, but I feel it’s my duty with the recent climate of the industry. People will pay $2.00 for a cup of coffee, but anything over 99 pennies has become too much to ask for a book.

Something is wrong here and it will continue to be wrong until those that set it in motion unify and work together to correct what has become a very dangerous situation. As the lovely Ms. Downing said, we authors have done this to ourselves. No superhero is going to come along and magically save the day. We need to put our Jack Kelly hats on and leave batman out of it, because this is not a you or a me thing, it’s an all of us thing. I commend Mia Downing on her brave article. It’s a scary thing, talking about the fall of an empire when the world seems more comfortable sitting silently watching it decay. But we can’t go on like this. Readers need good books and authors truly need to write them. (If not, we get squirrely and cranky.) These authors that throw in the towel, they are not just walking away from a dream or a hobby. They are walking away from careers. They’re having to return to Go, not collect $200, and pick up the pieces where they fall.

It is my hope, with this article, to not garner pity or sympathy, but empathy, that critical emotion every great story has. We need to work together. We need to stop underpricing our work and help the market heal. I’ve done the roller coaster experiment. The gains are no longer as great as they once were when marking a book 60% below the economically feasible price. We are all losing and we are all sinking. Now that we’ve identified the problem it’s time to turn our attention to a solution.

I write this article as a plea, to my fellow indie authors and the readers who invest so much into the entertainment we diligently work to provide. We must raise the bar and find balance once again. While giveaways are great and I will continue to do them regularly, our full length novels must maintain prices that lead to sustainable incomes, or we are all going to be out of a job sooner than we expect. I ask my indie friends stand together and hold a standard that both readers and writers can agree upon. Think twice before you cross that $2.99 mark. Hold tight to what you hold dear and keep pouring your heart and soul into every word.

Just as I’ve been inspired by Mia Downing’s plea for change, I, too, intend to carry the torch, shedding light on the issue at hand, by writing my own article here. I encourage–no, beg–you to do the same. Make $2.99 as low as we go and share your thoughts on the subject with your own readers, so that word gets out.  We need to speak out and speak up, so that the readers understand this is nothing against them, but something we must do for us. Please, blog to them and let them know how things are on the other side of the fence. I understand some of us are locked into sales and can’t immediately make a change, but let’s make an effort as a whole, to keep our books above the cusp (above $2.99). Eventually the market will rebuild and, if we work together, I believe we can recover faster than we ever would working alone.

Like the quote says, “Headlines don’t sell papes. Newsies sell papes!” We are no longer dependent on the big dogs and a great deal of accountability rests on our shoulders. Times have changed. The market has changed. And “Publishers no longer sell books. Authors sell books!” So let’s make some sales at a fair price and keep on writing.

Giveaways from New to You Authors!

This week I will be spotlighting authors that I know behind the scenes. These are some talented writers and I hope you check out their work. If you enjoy what you read, please leave a review. Reviews make a big difference and are the greatest thing a reader can give an author.

 

We have a long list of PRIZES from these fabulous authors so don’t forget to enter the giveaway at the bottom of the page!

Happy Reading!
~Lydia

See something you like?
Click the cover to visit that author’s Amazon page!

 

Apartment 18B
Gray Dixon

Unlock unimaginable pleasure…

Christopher Nash, a man of the world is disgustingly wealthy and to some a notorious womanizer. His methods in sex and women are the same as in his business dealings—execute a plan and always get what he wants. After rescuing a sassy and gorgeous woman, something behind her eyes makes him want to take care of her.

…and surrender to him.

Brooklyn Jameson literally stumbles at the feet of a mysterious man. Handing her an unusual business card offers the opportunity to meet again. At the appointed time and place, he makes an offer she can’t refuse. Life is about to change when she accepts the proposition—four weekends unlocking her wildest fantasies of pleasure. In the end, can Brooklyn trust Christopher and surrender to every dark desire inside Apartment 18B or run away when he breaks her heart?

 

The White Carnation
Susanne Matthews

The last person disgraced reporter Faye Lewis wants back in her life is Detective Rob Halliday, the man she blames for ruining her career and breaking her heart. But when she finds an old friend murdered, he’s the one she calls.

For the past year, Rob and his team have been hunting the Harvester, a serial killer who ritualistically murders new mothers and vanishes with their infants. What Rob doesn’t need is another case, especially one involving his ex-fiancée.

Then Faye is assaulted, and Rob realizes the cases are connected. She may hold the answers he needs to find the elusive killer. But the more they investigate, the more complex the situation becomes. Can they set the past aside and work together, or will the Harvester and his followers reap another prize?

 

Changing Tides
Tamara Hoffa 

When Marine widow Monica Montgomery’s son tore his ACL sliding into home plate, the last thing she expected to find at the hospital was a second chance at love. But the six foot six orthopedic surgeon tempts her to play doctor.

Too bad her teenage daughter is hell bent on keeping the Navy Lieutenant Commander’s love boat anchored in port.

Dr. Jason Knight has patched up military men and women from Afghanistan to Okinawa. Now he faces his greatest challenge, filling the hole in the lives of this broken family.

A New Beginning for Nanci
Vikki McCombie

When grief pulls her life apart, will she seek a new beginning, or will fear keep her from finding a forever kind of love? On the day Nanci discovers she’s going to have a baby, she receives the devastating news every Navy SEAL’s wife never wants to hear. Her husband’s death sends her into the depths of despair. As she struggles to accept, she’s grateful for the support from the officer assigned to her.

Will she turn to God letting Him show her the path to a new beginning, or will fear of loving and losing keep her locked in the past?

When Lt. Daniel Foster’s appointed to assist a SEAL’s widow, the last thing he expects is a woman who can break through the barricade guarding his heart. As he helps her with the aftermath, he offers her a shoulder to lean on, but would like to offer more. Should he allow their friendship to blossom and trust God will show him lowering his defenses is the only way to love?

Delta Salvation
Elle Boon

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION…For Navy SEAL Kai, he takes that vow seriously. Keeping Alexa safe is his number one priority, even if it means his heart is laid bare.

A NAVY SEAL ‘Failure is never an option’ and Kai lives by that SEAL code. He and his team have rescued Alexa not once, but twice, and now he is faced with the biggest challenge of his life. Alexa has come to mean more than she should, but his life is too dangerous for hearts and roses, and she has had too much heartache to settle for anything less.

A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS… Alexa is tired of all of the curveballs life has thrown at her. The final straw comes when she is confronted with a six foot plus man, who could either be her salvation or her downfall. It is up to her to convince her stubborn SEAL that they are worth taking a chance on.

MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE… When Alexa’s past is revealed and she and Kai find out she is not who she thought she was, some of the world’s most wanted come out to play. Can the team keep her alive long enough for her to prove to Kai that what they have is worth fighting for?

Check Out
Debra Parmley

When Marine veteran Nash Ware walks into the library where shy librarian Betsy Bobbin works, she’s intimidated by the handsome man who wears an eye patch and an attitude. Her car has a flat in a storm and Nash comes to her rescue. A fight outside a bar between an angry Nash and a drunk frightens Betsy. She’s fallen for him but is it safe to fall in love with a wounded veteran with PTSD? Betsy is torn. Will love and trust win out over her fear before it’s too late? 

Nash has found the girl of his dreams, but his wounds run deep. His ex-fiancé was repulsed by his eye and his eye patch, and manufactured drama like bees do honey. However, real drama surrounds Betsy, when a stalker comes after her sister. 

Bluebonnets for Elly
Sandra Nachlinger

When Elly moves to Shannon Ridge, Texas, she expects to fill her days helping her grandmother—doling out medications and running errands. Still smarting from her fiancé’s  betrayal, the last thing she needs or wants is a man, especially a good lookin’ one. She’s been down that road before.

Derek White’s wife left him without a word, and he’s reluctant to get involved with another woman. But Granny Macauley’s granddaughter sure is tempting. He still doesn’t understand why Jeanette left him, so how can he explain that to Elly? And can he be sure he’s legally free?

Granny says some things come along only once and you have to grab them while you can. But when Derek’s past threatens and Elly’s ex-fiancé reappears, she must decide—give her former love a second chance or gamble on a man whose history may ruin everything.

 Wilde
Marianne Rice

Event planner Sage Wilde has lots of lists and no time for a relationship… 

Precise to a fault, Sage plans everything—meetings, meals, and sex. She may appear to be a strong, independent woman, but on the inside, she’s still hurting from parent neglect, and is bitter toward the idea of love. But when she learns her youngest sister can’t carry a child, she forfeits her body and freedom to pregnancy, and commits to the role of a surrogate mother.

A sexy firefighter looking for love…

Firefighter Luke Riley’s morning gets a little brighter when he’s called to a clinic, and spots a blonde beauty wearing killer red boots. It’s unusual for a woman to push away his advances, but Luke is attracted to her confidant nature and strong personality. It’s not long before he wears her down, and she finally agrees to a first date.

Who says you can’t mix work with pleasure?

Sage blames her growing affections for Luke on pregnancy hormones. But one last hoorah before her belly swells sounds like a well-planned thrill. After a few passionate nights, the line between love and lust begins to blur—leaving her more confused than ever. Sage may claim not to want children, but when she befriends Luke’s troubled foster sister it proves there’s a heart inside of Sage waiting to be loved and Luke is ready to make her The One.

Will Sage soften to the idea of commitment? Or will Luke stand by as the woman he loves plans a future without him?

 

 

Black Irish
Tricia Anderson

Abbey couldn’t believe he was gay. She nearly ran away from her dreams of being a children’s book writer when she was introduced to her illustrator Sloan O’Riley, a dark, sensual Irishman with incredible blue eyes. He certainly couldn’t be good for Abbey’s relationship with her boyfriend back in Iowa. How could she stay in New York and work with the sinfully sexy Sloan even if he was gay? And when Sloan is threatened with deportation, how far would Abbey go to keep him in the U.S.?

Sloan was forced to tell a little white lie. He had no choice. He couldn’t let the sweet, beautiful, Abbey Wright flee from his life—not without a chance to explore the sudden desire he felt for her. But what would Abbey do if she ever discovered the truth about Sloan’s sexuality—or learned the deeper, darker secret he’s been hiding?

Penhallow Train Incident
MS Spencer

In the sleepy coastal Maine town of Penhallow, a stranger dies on a train,drawing Historical Society Director, Rachel Tinker, and curmudgeonly retired professor, Griffin Tate, into a spider’s web of archaeological obsession and greed. With the help of the victim’s rival, they set out to locate the Queen of Sheba’s tomb. Their plans are stymied when a war erupts between the sheriff and a state police detective who want to arrest the same man for different crimes. It’s up to Rachel to solve a mystery that includes two more murders, if she wants to unlock the soft heart that beats under Griffin’s hard crust.

 

 

 

 

Giveaway!
Possible Prizes:

Changing Tides by Tamara Hoffa (eBook)

Mystic Wolves  by Elle Boon (autographed copy US only)

Delta Salvation by Elle Boon (eBook)

A New Beginning for Nanci by Vikki McCombie (eBook)

$5 Amazon Gift Card from Vikki McCombie

White Carnation, White Lily, White Iris by Susan Matthews (3 eBook Collection)

Black Irish, Heartland, The Troubles by Tricia Anderson (3 ebook Collection)

Apartment 18B by Gray Dixon (eBook)

Penhallow Train Incident by MS Spencer (eBook)

Sweet on You by Marianne Rice (eBook)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

On a Personal Note…

Many of you have read my recent release, La Vie en Rose, which is a story about life. It’s gritty and beautiful and sometimes horrifying. To be clear, I write romance and the one rule of thumb all romance writers are expected to follow is there must be a Happily Ever After (HEA) at the end. I will never let you down in that department, but I will make you cry.

Stories are my world. They are jolts of emotions that strike when we least expect. They make us feel and the best written ones stay with us in a haunting sense that makes us sigh when we look back. The subtitle of La Vie en Rose is Life in Pink. The first thing readers notice about this story is the lovely pink bow on the cover. Some pick up on the subtleties and some don’t, but now that several hundred copies have sold, the cat is out of the bag. La Vie en Rose is about loving someone with cancer.

I’m writing this article today, because this morning I read a review that brought me to tears. Written by a woman who watched her mother pass from this horrible disease and also faced a life altering scare of her own. Over the past month since La Vie en Rose was released, I’ve received countless emails from women who had a personal connection to this book, every one mentioning how parts slayed them, but in the end it was worth it. La Vie en Rose is about cancer, but it is also about life, the beauty of it, the fragility, and the necessity of love and hope.

When I read reviews as personal as the one I read today, I suffer such longing, because I want to hold that person in my arms and hug them and tell them they are strong and it is their strength that guided my muse through these pages. Of course we live in a world of tweets and character limits, so I can’t possibly respond as eloquently as my heart wants in these situations, but I do have so much to say.

To the woman who lost her mom, you are an angel on earth, one that sets aside your own pain to make her suffering a little less. To the one who worries who will make sure your daughter’s wedding has every perfect touch in case you aren’t there to oversee the plans, I, too, know this worry. And to the woman that feared her life would be cut short when she finally understood the meaning of chaotic perfection, I am you.

No, I am not a survivor of cancer, but I am a survivor of the gut wrenching fear that keeps you up at night and makes you wonder why? I don’t typically air my personal business online, but so many of you have shared your triumphs and sorrows with me I wanted to give you something back.

It was the happiest time of my life. My husband, who I have been with since age sixteen, was a brand new father and I was a glowing new mom. Our daughter was four months old. The world lay before us, open to endless possibilities and countless moments of indescribable joy. Our daughter was incredible. She slept six hours at a time. She was always happy. There has never been a moment in my life when I felt more blessed.

My pregnancy was magical. I loved every moment, but there were moments that took me by surprise. Around seven months I found it harder to get around. One day I was trying to sit up and get out of bed and a shooting pain sliced through my leg. I cried out and Mike, my husband, came running. He carefully helped me sit up, but I screamed, because even the slowest motion was excruciating. I figured Charlie horses were underrated and eventually it passed. But a week later I had another episode. And then another.

These moments were so acute and so severe I started to worry. I made an appointment and had a Doppler scan to check if I had a blood clot, but everything came back negative. Some days I was fine, but other days it felt like someone was hammering ice picks through my knees. When my daughter was born, I forgot about all the aches and pains. The miracle I held in my arms overshadowed every bit of ugliness in the world and I was too obsessed with her to pay attention to myself.

But as time went on other strange things happened. I lost the ability to turn a light switch or pull a piece of bathroom tissue off the roll. My motor skills were so on and off I didn’t know what was going on. Some days my fingers would curl up and stiffen and I’d spend hours walking around with a misshapen claw and then it would just go away. My true moment of fear came when my arms went numb and I almost dropped my infant daughter.

So off to the doctors I went. I was tested for everything from carpel tunnel to cancer. And then I was sent for more tests. It took four weeks for my doctor to narrow it down to three possibilities. I either had cancer, scleroderma, or systemic lupus. I came home and held my daughter and cried for hours. Then I sat in a chair and hardly moved for days. I watched my mother fall apart in fear and my phone ring with calls I couldn’t bring myself to answer. I was twenty-six years old and I was going to die. We were all going to die, but I was ahead of schedule.

After days of silence and endless tears, Mike begged me to talk to my friends. I looked at him and said I couldn’t. I told him, “Sad is the biggest word I know right now and it’s swallowing me whole.” No one could ease my worry and I cried even when my daughter did something beautiful. It was the longest time of my entire life. And the closer it came to the results the more I feared my journey would end.

Our plate was full, but Mike took me to the SPCA, which was probably the best thing he could have done. We had a dog and didn’t need another one, but if I couldn’t save myself I was saving something, so we adopted a frightened little pup who had been abused and neglected and brought him home. However, once the dog settled, my sadness came back. That dog saved me from myself. He needed love as much as I did in those quiet, endless moments. He asked nothing of me and shared an appreciation for second chances I didn’t think others could fathom. But he didn’t cure me. No one could.

One night, Mike and I sat on the porch, drinking a bottle of wine and had The Talk. As the reviewer mentioned earlier, there is really nothing in the world that describes a conversation like that. It was one of the most horrifying moments of my life. I’d done my research and knew what I was up against, each outcome different, but none of them good. I had a two out of three chance that I might not live long enough to see my daughter start kindergarten. One of the possibilities would have left me deformed and I was so afraid I might scare my daughter as the disease progressed. I had to tell my husband to make sure someone was there to brush my hair and fix my eyebrows so my daughter didn’t fear hugging me when I was nearing the end. I had to tell him to fall in love again, but choose someone that would love our daughter as if she were their own, even though no part of me wanted to share them with anyone else. It was the most raw and excruciating conversation of my life and even now it guts me.

The next day I got the call. I was diagnosed with systemic lupus and I would be on medication for the rest of my life. I would have the immune system of an infant and a common cold would debilitate me for weeks. Things like the flu could be lethal and exhaustion would be an every day occurrence. Of course I already had all these symptoms, so it was somewhat of a relief to know I wasn’t imagining them. And the strangest part about that conversation with my doctor that day was the overwhelming sense of relief. It blindsided me and dropped me to my knees faster than any stabbing agony ever could.

In the months of appointments that followed as I spoke to specialists, I gained a true understanding for this disease I’d never heard of. So many issues in my past made sense now that I had an explanation. Every doctor I met with was shocked I had a baby with little issue, because miscarriages and worse complications are very common with lupus patients. They told me I probably wouldn’t have more children, because having my daughter compromised my immune system to such a degree. It broke my heart, the idea of not having more kids, because my husband wanted a big Irish family. We were supposed to be the McCulloughs, me the crazy mom that cursed too much and couldn’t drive. And him, the quiet, adoring father that doted over his insane wife. And no matter how understanding a man is, when you know their dreams and know their expressions well enough to read their emotions, you know when you’re breaking his heart. I was broken.

It took me years to come to terms with my doctors’ advice. I went through case studies and toyed with my medications, suffering for months on end until finally I couldn’t take anymore and admitted I’d had enough. The medication made me functional and my daughter needed her mom. Having another child would put me at too much risk and leave me too weak to handle ordinary motherly duties. So we gave away the baby items my daughter had outgrown and focused on being parents of an only child. I’m happy to say, I know true contentment now, and I will never regret only having one baby, because my daughter is the most amazing person I know and our family is wholesome and happy and complete, just the way we are.

This year marks ten years since I was diagnosed. I don’t remember the person I was before lupus, but I know I appreciate the person I am now more. I’ll always be a little bit fat and my house will never be completely clean, but I know a version of love and happiness that doesn’t usually come this early in life. I appreciate every morning, whether it’s raining or sunny. I don’t get embarrassed over silly things and I don’t waste time wondering what other people think of me. I love my husband and daughter without restraint and I enjoy my parents as two of my very best friends.

Lupus did not win. It is not my enemy. It is my companion, a weight I will always carry. It’s something people don’t see, but I feel it with every breath. Sometimes it has such a hold of me it hurts, but other times I’m in control. Lupus does not define me, but it has changed me. I now know my limits and accept them easily. I will explain myself at times, but the older I get the less I feel the need to justify my choices. I am responsible for one other person in this world, and that is my daughter. It is the love I hold for her and my husband that makes me fight, every day, to live better. They are an endless fountain of hope and reason, and that is me getting in the ring.

So now you know my story and a little bit about my personal battles to survive. It’s not Emma’s story or your

story, but it is a story nonetheless and in the end we all share the same objective: Life. I’m living a life in purple. My best friend lives a life in gold. My cousin lives a life in orange. We all have our own ribbons and bows, but at the end of the day we’re all just people trying to embrace the beauty of life.

Love you all.

~Lydia

 

 

Special thanks to all of the readers that shared their lives with me and to Scandal at Scandalicious Reviews for inspiring this heart to heart.

 

Lydia’s LIVE Tuesday Night!

Reader’s Entertainment & Circle of Seven

Present an Up Close & Personal Interview with

LYDIA MICHAELS

LIVE Tuesday Night!
Hosted by Blog Talk Radio’s Debra Parmley

Join us on Book Lights where we will be shining a light on Lydia Michaels and her newest work of women’s fiction, La Vie en Rose (Life in Pink).

More love story than romance, in La Vie en Rose, Lydia Michaels does not shy away from reality. Join us as we chat about life in pink, breast cancer, and a realistic love story with a happy ending.

Tuesday, April 26

8:30 pm (EST)

Call in to speak with Lydia Michaels:

(877) 497-5906
Link to show here!

Ten Days Away!

Releases April 12, 2016

Only a Couple Weeks Away!

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It’s Almost Here!

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Coming Soon!

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La Vie en Rose {Life in Pink}

Releases April 12, 2016