Cherrye S. Vasquez's Blog, page 11

My Diary of Personal Selections, Emotions & Memories of a Lifetime

 Dear Friends and Followers:

Thank you for the overwhelming responses received last week via my blog concerning my latest venture, designing and creating a girl’s diary. The expected title is as follows: My Diary of Personal Selections, Emotions & Memories of a Lifetime.

This diary will lend itself toward allowing girls to write entries of their lifelong memories, and not necessarily 365 daily entries. I don’t want it to be too large.

I believe that girls all over will benefit from the entry writings over a period of time. A few pages of the diary will have places for Special Day Entries that will read — (I began my morning…., By afternoon…., My day ended…..), but overall the entry headings were tailored to comment on personal experiences about everyday girl-like topics over time. This diary will allow girls to express their thoughts or feelings about various topics or experiences from ages 10-13 years.

Diary owners use their diaries in a variety of ways, so I will be curious to learn how girls will use this one. Whatever is decided will be quite personal and unique to each girl.

Did you know that some have referred to those who keep diaries as diarists? Most diaries are intended to remain personal and private, but that isn’t necessarily the case for this particular diary. The headings are very innocent and pure, so parents won’t mind their girls spending time writing, “Dear Diary.”

Another note that I want to bring to your attention is this: Whenever you browse through the pages of this diary, please pay close attention to the illustrations. My 10 year old daughter, Kelly, created the drawings, as I wanted to keep the diary simplistic and enjoyable, but with a little girl’s touch.

I hope that you will enjoy the illustrations, and bright pink colors. The time spent sharing this project with my daughter will be a long lasting memory of a lifetime.

It is my desire and plans to have the diary available within the next month, but most certainly by the Christmas holidays. It will be available via CreateSpace.com, and my website (PayPal). If it is purchased via my website, it will also include an ink pen and bookmark with same bright colors.

Cherrye S. Vasquez, Ph.D.

Website: http://www.BooksThatSow.com

Books That Sow: Strength, Character & Diversity, DBA

 

Photo: Courtesy of – Marine Corps Archives & Special Collections’ photostream

A Special Diary for Girls

I have been spending the last few days working on a sweet little diary geared towards girls 10-13 years of age. The purpose will be for little girls to have a keepsake of special ideas and thoughts about their lives — their daily triumphs and let-downs. Girls can share their inner most thoughts, feelings and fears with their special diary.

The entries in the diary will be innocent, girl-like, of everyday fun topics that girls deal with.  Journaling is healthy and medicinal in nature, and can allow girls to let-go of everyday life stressors. Girls can also dream about their bright futures, short-term/long-term aspirations, and what they want to be when they grow up.

Perhaps this diary will be a treasure that girls can look back on one day.

Please be looking for this diary around the holidays – 2012.

 

Modeling Respect for Leaders

Wow! How can we hope for change and reform where Diversity is concerned when among us there isn’t respect for our Commander in Chief, President Barack Obama? We may or may not agree with his platform (if this is the case for some), but we can at least agree to disagree and respect our President of the United States.  We have had people refer to our President is our first “Monkey President.”  Now how racist and ignorant is that?

When reporters began to heckle and disrespect our President right on national television and among other leaders and constituents, they should be escorted out of the room, or area. I’d hate to bring this issue up, but it appears to me that it doesn’t seem to bother most because of the color of our President’s skin. What ashame!

Don’t you know that third world countries are watching our behaviors and laughing at us? Even they are cohesive enough to stand together in a united front. I am not suggesting that anyone should agree with the President’s views on topics. I can’t say that I agree with all of them myself, but since he is my President, he will get my respect.

There is so must hatred and division among us that it is unreal. When I think that we have overcome many of our racist troubles, they seem to resurface and raise ugly heads once again.

How can we dare hope for change, and hope to see a decrease in bullying, rude and menacing ways when we model these same behaviors and disrespect for our country’s leader right in the very eyes of  our children?

My Motto: Love is the key to diversity

The Versatile Blogger Award

 

I want to thank Sandra McLeod Humphrey at www.kidscandoit.com for passing The Versatile Blogger Award on to me!

 

As a nominee, I am obligated to nominate 15 of my own versatile bloggers and share seven things about myself.

 

 

My 15 nominations:

 

I Love to Write Day www.ilovetowriteday.org
Caffeine Keyboard www.caffeinekeyboard.com
Ethnicity Cards www.josephinescott.com
Project Race www.projectrace.com
MKM Bookservices www.mkmbookservices.com
Harrow Communications www.prsecrets.com/about.html
Life Coaching w/Tiffany Rae www.tiffanyraecoaching.com
Our Mom Spot www.OurMomSpot.com
Tough Talk with Tony Gambone  toughtalkradionetwork.com
The Master Communicator www.sharoncjenkins.com/index.html
Beach Bound Books www.beachboundbooks.com
Castle Marketing Enterprises www.caboone.com
The Rainbo Writer: Nudge the World a Little  http://rainbowriter.com/
Rosemary extraordinaryireland.blogspot.com
Bea www.moongirl.webs.com

Seven Things About Me:


I once received a lisence as a nail technician
I am working on two books, Dedicated Identity, a sequel to No Tildes on Tuesday, and a book about Bullying
I enjoy taking my daughter to Suzuki piano lessons
I enjoy helping my daughter attend to her Dachshund, Floppy and her cat, Chase.
I will more than likely write a couple more books geared towards younger children
I am learning Spanish
One of my goals is to see Bill Cosby in person


 If you among those who are on my list, you’ve been awarded the Versatile Blogger award. Find out more about this award here

We Share the Same Blood: I am Your Grandchild!

It’s a sad realization, but there are a few multiracial or biracial children who do not have a relationship with their grandparents and only because of one glaring reason – The child is biracial! Some grandparents cannot accept the fact that their own child has entered into relations with another who is of a different racial make-up than theirs.

I wonder how many grandparents who choose not to have a relationship with their biracial grandchildren realize the emotional effect they pose on these children, and for what good reason. Isn’t life far too short for this sort of nonsense?

Come on grandma and grandpa – It’s been 45 years since interracial marriages became legal in states. By now you’d think that most of us would come to terms with the fact that during this 21st century America we will see more and more interracial families among us. Isn’t it the right of any man or woman to have the freedom to marry whoever they want to? Isn’t this a person’s given right to live happily ever after with any person that they choose to regardless of their race?

I know that some people will have a problem with me bringing religion into this conversation, but I think a good question to ask is how God would tell us to handle this issue. I don’t think that he would approve of grandparents ill-treating their own flesh and blood – grandchildren, do you?

Grandparents, your biracial grandchildren are not:

Bastard children – since their parents are married
Mentally and physical inferior to your race – let this myth die
Second rated citizens – many are beautiful and talented
To be looked at as Minority citizens, but Biracial and/or Multiracial – They do not have to choose one race over the other if they do not want to
Prisoners of the Jim Crow “one drop rule” – help them denounce it!

Biracial children have the right to be recognized as be biracial. Their racial identity of who they are will be important so that they can be happy citizens in our society who can and will grow up proud, armoring self-pride/confidence as they resist the messages of racism from others. It’s too bad they can’t count on you!

Biracial children should be taught that they will encounter people who will ill-treat them, so they should be able to count on the support of their very own grandparents as they journey through the unavoidable racism of others. Racism permeates their lives as it is. The biracial child should be able to look to their very own family as a source of support and love. It is the families of the biracial child who help strengthen them, and help them deal with racial myths and unnecessary hatred and conflicts.

Grandparents, your biracial grandchild has the right to racial equality. Why wouldn’t he/she have that right? Don’t you think it silly for them not to have racial equality solely based on their racial identity? Are you willing to help your biracial child confront and deal with the struggles of racism? If not, why not? Do you understand the implications of social and racial inequalities that mixed-race children are faced with when people further hurt and isolate them?

Stop for a moment and examine your own life grandma/grandpa:

Are you seen as the Christian person in your circle/church?
Are you seen as loving fair people, or Are you wearing a mask and hiding your true feelings of hate and vile?
Can you really hate/mistreat your very own blood – your grandchild?
Do you choose your friends and associates based on the color of their skin?

I think there is work to be done in this area, and grandparents can play a huge part in first steps by accepting and embracing their grandchildren with the love and support they need and deserve to survive peacefully in this society. Will you do your part grandparents? If not, it’s time for you to come to your senses and recognize the error of your ways. Life is too short to miss out on the fun times that can be enjoyed with your beautiful biracial grandchildren.

Grandparents — it’s time to get past this issue. Love your grandchildren regardless of their racial-makeup – Wake up!

 

Photo courtesy of: stevegatto2′s photostream

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We May Go Kicking and Screaming, but we must Focus on the Child Bully – What Can We Do To Help This Child?

We have focused a lot on bullying here lately and for great reason we have poured lots of attention on the child who has been bullied, but I want us to spend some time attending to the child who does the bullying. We must remember that this is still a child who is in need.

I know that no one enjoys dealing with the child bully, and it’s not easy to like such an unlikable person who exhibits negative, pesky behaviors towards others. Children attempt to avoid him/her and teachers/administrators aren’t so pleasant toward this child either, but we must have compassion for this child too.

Believe it or not, children do not come into this world as bullies. Many of them have learned this behavior. Have you ever stopped for just a moment to think about this? Much of what these children have become has been derived from their environmental experiences and shaped from home-life and/or other unfortunate variables that they have seen, heard and perhaps had to deal with.

Many times the bully is sad and wants to change. He/she doesn’t like him/herself either and wants out of this image, but they continue in their madness. You’ve heard the cliché, misery loves company.

Realizing that this may be true for some, perhaps not all, why not take a closer look at this child. Can we use the “5 W’s and H” strategy in an attempt to dissect, study and learn about this particular child? Let’s try it out. If so, perhaps we can intervene and redirect this child into a happier being.

Who

Who is the child? Do you know anything about this child? Take some time and really get to know this child. Underneath all that pain may be a sweet little child.

What

What behaviors has this child displayed in the past? What behaviors do you see now? What can you do to reshape his/her negative behaviors?

When

When does this child exhibit these behaviors? What are the antecedents? (Day of week, time, setting)

Where

Where do you think the root of the problem stems from? This isn’t hard to determine once you’ve met the parents and perhaps looked at the student’s past school records. Could there be variables, or barriers that perplexed and/or gotten in the way?

Why

Why does the child feel this way? Have the child talk it out, but the child will have to trust you, so spend some time establishing rapport, okay?

How

How can you help this child? How can you intervene and redirect. How much time will you put in so that you can establish best practices and/or a behavior plan so that you can move this child forward?

As adults, we can help instill feelings of remorse, care and concern for others into the child bully.

Tips for the child Bully

Attend counseling sessions that allow you to talk through your adverse family life issues/struggles
Role play with your counselor how to make friends and say positive things to your peers
Talk to an adult about your anger problems
Use relaxation techniques and exercises when you are feeling angry about life’s issues
Ask for help when you feel angry
Ask the teacher for time-out when you need to sit and think about your actions
Write your thoughts in a journal
Ask yourself how you would feel if someone was bullying you or someone that you love
Tell yourself that you are a good person
Work hard at an attempt to say something good about someone each day
Ask your parents to attend PTO and Open House with you

Tips for the Educators

Offer the parents of the bully aid in social services (Medical, Food, Clothing, Utilities (when the child’s primary needs are met, he/she feels wholesome)
Get into the trenches (this is where our children are)
There needs to be consistent supervision – in hallways, under stairwells, in low populated areas and place that bullies can easily hide and disguise themselves
Have bully use “I” statement when acknowledging his/her inappropriate behaviors with others. Hopefully this will develop ownership of behaviors
Praise the bully often when he/she is caught doing something good
Find out the talent(s) of the bully. Have bully tell you what he/she likes. Use his/her talent(s) to develop his/her strengths in other areas.
Use self-fulfilling prophecy technique – Tell the bully positive things about him/herself and watch them become that person
Teach bully positive leadership skills when he/she is ready
Chart each time the bully genuinely says or does something nice to someone
Rewards need to move from extrinsic to intrinsic
Bully shield/proof the school
Foster climate of respect one to another
Encourage staff to talk to children about differences and acceptance of differences using dialogue and friendly discourse (use worksheet in back of No Tildes on Tuesday , and other great works)
Teach and model acceptance and genuine appreciation of others
Teach and model a sense of pride for hard work, dress code, manners
Implement school-wide, classroom, and individual intervention programs
Implement school-wide rules and sanctions
Build and enforce a climate that is intolerant of bullying behaviors
Implement culturally responsive pedagogy
Choose text that will depict all heritages/culture and ethnicities within the curriculum
Establish positive rapport with bully
Utilize self-esteem boosters with bully – Some may think that the bully does have high self-esteem, but anyone who hurts others has to be low in esteem. Those appear to have high self-esteem display false-positive esteem
Ensure that your teachers and staff do not exhibit bullying behaviors – some do

Tips for Parents – You have a huge responsibility

Help your children tune into their emotions from a very early age. This will mold them from mere beginnings
From early on in life, teach your child to love and appreciate self-first
Model a sense of caring, sharing and politeness. This will instill a sense of remorsefulness within your child
Be careful not to make fun of or judge people and your children will not make fun of or judge people (sexual orientation, physical appearance)
Teach children how to hold a door, or give up a chair for an elder, or a lady with a small child. Teach them to greet people by saying “Good Morning,” or whenever they enter a room full of people. Have them write thank you cards after someone has given them a gift.
Teach children to take responsibility for their actions and their personal belongings.
Teach children that it is okay to become competitive without being a sore loser or a bully
Model and help children express their emotions of joy anger, sadness and happiness, so that they are considerate of how their words and behaviors may hurt others
Teach children in their early years how to say “sorry” if they offend or hurt others
Be careful not to bully your own child

No put downs

No ignoring

No intimidating

Take time away from your own duties and work and spent quality time with your child, especially if your child wants to talk or appears to be withdrawn
Ask your child about his/her day at school. Ask if there is anything you need to know
Go to your child’s school and remain active in PTO, Open House, Room Mother/Dad, and other school activities. Check in with the teacher periodically to see how things are going

If you haven’t already, please see my YouTube Bullying Video Poems – We can’t afford NOT to help the Child Bully. The Bully is really hurting deep down within.

YouTube video of Poems – The Bully-ee (victim) & The Bully (perpetrator)

http://youtu.be/TXnOn9JjxHo

 

Photo Courtesy of: zalouk webdesign’s photostream

Let us Rewind: My Child Is Being Bullied, So What Can I Do?

Bullying is a pandemic in our nation’s schools. Realizing this, we must do  all that we can to help our children deal with the pressures that these annoying  behaviors poses on their lives. Parents, we have a huge responsibility, but are  we doing all that we can to intervene?

Let me ask these questions

As a parent, are you aware of the anti-bullying laws and policies in place at  your child’s school? If so, how is it being enforced? If not, have you voiced  your concerns and/or asked to work closely with school officials in hope to  create anti-bullying procedures at your child’s school? Do you know if school  officials at your child’s school are clear about what actually constitutes  bullying behaviors?

In some cases, there are concerns about what constitutes bullying behaviors  verses normal play, or friendly horsing around. I know that you have these  concerns too, so I’ll define what bullying is and what it looks like.

Bullying Defined

Verbal (name calling, teasing, insulting, or  threatening)

Physical (hitting, kicking, scratching, pushing, stealing,  hiding/destroying someone else’s property)

Social (refusing to talk to or play with someone,  purposefully excluding someone)

Cyber (using electronics such as computer to write mean,  demeaning messages about someone)

There are signs of bullying that you can watch for

Poor eating habits or asking to eat as soon as he/she gets home – bully takes  lunch or lunch money
Depression
Torn clothes or mysterious bruises/scratches
Isolating self from others – appearing lonely
A change in grades – poor grades
A sudden dislike for school
Exhibiting unfounded anxiety
Low self-esteem
Complaint of sick feelings – stomach aches, headaches
Asking not to go to school
Signs of threats or suicide

If you have reason to believe that your child is being bullied

Stop, Look & Listen NOW

Talk to your child. Ask him/her about their school day. Ask if there is  anything that you should know. Whatever you are doing or plan to do, stop! Your  child must trust that you will drop whatever you are doing to see him/her  through this crisis. Your child needs to know that you are listening to them;  you hear their frustration and the pain that they are experiencing. You may want  to repeat what you heard them say to you, thereby acknowledging that you are  really listening. Let your child know that you will be there for them “at all  costs.”

Documentation

Get the story as clearly as possible from your child and document everything  from your child’s version of the bullying incidents to every conversation you  have with school officials. Be sure to write things down as soon as an  occurrence arises or a conversation happens. This way, incidents are still fresh  in your child’s mind. You may want to keep documentation separated by tabs in a  tablet or a notebook to maintain a distinct record of each person’s story. It  will be important to keep your child’s version separate from a school official’s  so that messages don’t end up overlapping, getting accidentally mixed-up or  combined.

Have other students been affected by the bully or bullies who are attacking  your child? If so, what are their names? Were there any witnesses to the  incidents? If so, what are their names? Does your child remember which class the  other students are enrolled in? Can your child point them out? Encourage school  officials to interview other children who may have been bullied.

Use dates, times and settings in your documentation. Did the incident happen  in the cafeteria, classroom, or playground? Detailed documentation will not only  help school officials target bullying incidents, but it will also give school  officials an indication of how best to resolve issues as they examine  antecedents (causes/variables that may have prompted the bully to react  inappropriately), so that changes and individually tailored support plans can be  implemented.

Approach school staff immediately

Bullying will not just stop on its own. Don’t be afraid to approach school  administrators.

You might find that some school officials and administrators may be  territorial and believe that they are the educational experts, and you are “just  a parent.” Since you are your child’s greatest advocate, here are a few ideas  about how to approach the issue of your child being bullied while working  collaboratively with school officials:

Do your research. You can assist school leaders with ideas of how to bully  shield and bully proof the school that your child attends.

Approach the school leaders as if you are on their side. Do what you can to  avoid creating an adversarial relationship between you and the people who have  the power to help stop what is happening

Let the school leaders know that you are not only concerned about your child,  but all children enrolled at the school. This will soften your approach thereby  giving you greater lead-in for support and next steps.

Begin speaking to the school counselor before working your way up the  organizational chart – Test the water, first.

When my own child was bullied at school, I spoke to the school principal  directly. Due to budget cuts, this particular school had no assigned counselor.  I approached the situation as a concern for the other child as well as my very  own child. I said, “Perhaps this young girl is having personal problems in her  home- life that’s making her feel angry.” Other times I would say, “Sounds like  this child wants to take charge and is a bit bossy. Perhaps she can be shown how  to use her leadership skills in a more positive and productive manner.” By using  this approach with the school principal, I believe that I softened the  conversation, thereby gaining the principal’s attention. It appeared that she  was more willing to hear me.

But, there are times when the school will not help, so now what can you  do?

Before I address this problem, I want to urge parents to always gather as  much information about your school the first week or two of the new school year.  This is the time when the climate is still warm and friendly, and stress levels  aren’t heightened due to the pressures of trying to keep up with everyday school  life. Know the district level office organizational chart and levels of  administration assigned to your child’s campus. Attempt to retrieve their  contact information such as names, email addresses, voice mail, and telephone  numbers, and perhaps location of their office – this is last resort and never  show up without an appointment.

When your child’s school will not listen to you or help you through a  bullying crisis, and you know that you have done your part, you have spoken to  the classroom teacher, school counselor, assistant principal and principal if  circumstances have taken you this far, you should contact central office staff  and speak to your child’s school assigned area superintendent.

Share your concerns and let this individual know that you have tried to work  collaboratively with school officials at the campus level of your child’s  school. Trust me – Now that bullying has gained national attention, there is no  doubt that this person will be all ears.

There are approximately 48 states that have laws mandating anti-bullying programs and  services in schools, but some schools have been slow in implementing the  programs.

Be sure that you know the anti-bullying laws of your state (Bully Police, USA  has a state by state listing of anti-bullying legislation). Be ready and able to  recite the Senate Bill and House Bill laws associated with the bully’s offense.  For example, if you live in Texas and your child is experiencing sexual  harassment issues at school, and no one will address the issue, share your  knowledge of SB 471 and HB 194. If you do this, everyone will know that you  mean business!

When to call a lawyer

If you have gone through all the recommended steps above, more than likely  you will not have to call a lawyer; however there may be times when your story  will land on “deaf ears.” If no one will listen to you, or if everyone has  listened to you and they have chosen not to intervene, there is no more time to  waste. You will want to get legal advice immediately. Time is of the essence and  the safety of your child is paramount!

Focus on your child

Remember, there are effective steps that you can take as your child’s  anti-bullying advocate. Consider the fact that bullying related suicides are  real.

STOP whatever you’re doing and act quickly on your child’s behalf. Our  children count on us to help them during crisis. This is not the time to put  ANYTHING else before your child. Show your child that they can trust and count  on you.

 

You can also find Article at: Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7072491

 

Photo Courtesy of: MD Govpics: Maryland GovPicvs

Summer Reading Fun!

Whew! School is almost out and our children will soon be with us at home. What plans do you have for them? I hope lots! Keep those little one busy this summer. There is so much to do and learn right within your city.

Don’t forget however, that due to the lapse of time away from school and their usual structured academics, some students may lag in reading and math skills over the summer vacation, and we wouldn’t want that, right?

We’ll have to keep those minds massaged and stimulated, okay?  Although you will want to give your children a well-deserved break away from school work, you will still want to keep them engaged in educational excursions, and the academics of some type — just make learning fun.

One way to keep your children engaged is to have them read books with activities, or create fun activities on your own. For example, I have generated a Scavenger Hunt Book Contest for my children’s chapter book, No Tildes on Tuesday. Have your children read my book, and then search for answers to the questions. They’ll have fun searching the book all over for their answers.

Since No Tildes on Tuesday is geared towards ages 7-13, there is a great age range for most children in your household. In addition, MetaMetrics has scored my book at 510L, so it is an easy book to read.

Have the children in your circle have fun reading my book, and then they can visit my website at: www.BooksThatSow.com, go to the “Student” page of my website to see the rules of the contest.

Since they are no longer in school, they can just email me their results.

I can’t wait to hear from them!

Cherrye S. Vasquez, Ph.D.

Books That Sow: Strength, Character & Diversity, DBA

Website:              www.BooksThatSow.com

Email:                  cherryevasquez@gmail.com