Teresa R. Funke's Blog: Bursts of Brilliance for a Creative Life, page 2

How to Not Be Disciplined

I’m far, far from being a health and wellness guru, but I do try to take care of myself. Over the years, many people have asked me about some of my healthy living routines or my writing schedule, but when I start to lay it all out for them, most people shrug it off and say, “Well, it sounds like you’re just more disciplined than I’ll ever be.” But that word doesn’t resonate with me.

To me, the word “disciplined” sounds like a punishment. It evokes images of a Dickensian teacher standing over me with a ruler insisting I keep my head down and do my work. I wouldn’t say it’s easy to maintain my healthy living routines at all, but doing so never feels punitive to me. I don’t adhere to my routines because I should, I do so because of how much better I feel when I do.

I also don’t respond well to words like “strict.”  It’s true I stick pretty strongly to the diet that works best for me, but that’s not because I’m being strict with myself. It’s actually because I’m enjoying myself. I enjoy being free of the sometimes-debilitating stomach aches that once followed nearly every meal. I don’t “force” myself to carve out time for my creative work, I look forward to it.

I also acknowledge my weaknesses (and there are many) and recognize where I could improve both my health and my work habits. There are certain types of exercise, for example, I know would benefit me, yet I don’t currently do them. And I’m once again reading a book about productivity because I know I’ve strayed into some habits that are no longer serving me. I don’t let myself off the hook by focusing exclusively on the things I currently am doing. Instead, I hold space for the possibility that at some point I will add some of those other good habits into my daily routine too.

In the meantime, I give myself some grace. It’s hopeful and even exciting to think I might one day do better in those areas, but in the meantime, there’s also nothing wrong with feeling good about what I’m currently doing well.

Feeling good about yourself is a much better motivator than feeling bad, wouldn’t you say? Far better than any discipline you could impose.

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My Younger Self Doesn’t Need My Advice

They say with age comes wisdom. Which is why we so often like to brag about the advice we’d give our younger selves. But lately, I’ve been wishing I could have lunch with my 22-year-old self not to lecture her, but to connect over shared concerns and longings. I think my 22-year-old self (let’s call her 22-Teresa) would get me in a way maybe no one else currently can.

22-Teresa was freshly graduated from college, engaged to be married, and obsessing over issues of identity and purpose. Should she take her fiancé’s last name, as tradition dictated, or hold on to her maiden name? Would she always be an Idaho girl, or was her soul calling her somewhere else? Should she play it safe and look for a steady job or follow her heart and risk something more unpredictable?

Now, at 57 years old, those questions are long-since resolved, but I’m once again transitioning to a new phase in life and obsessing over new questions around identity and purpose.

22-Teresa was imagining future children and wrestling with the question, what type of mother will I be? Today, I’m parenting adult children and asking what type of mother should I be?

22-Teresa was wondering if she was brave enough and talented enough to become a writer. Currently, I’m questioning whether I’m brave enough and motivated enough to be something beyond just a writer.

22-Teresa longed to see the world but couldn’t imagine how she could afford to do so. I share that longing, but struggle to choose travel over obligations.

22-Teresa was tired of carrying so much responsibility and ready to leave a lot of things behind. I feel the same way.

But 22-Teresa was also afraid of disappointing others. I can totally relate.

In all honesty, I’d far rather have lunch right now with my 22-year-old self than my 40-year-old self. I’m pretty sure I’d find 40-year-old Me intimidating. She was juggling the schedules of three pre-teen children, managing the household while her husband traveled for work, building a new writer’s coaching business, publishing her fourth book, and maintaining an active social life while finding time to volunteer. Frankly, she was kind of a badass. I’m pretty sure if we sat down to lunch, she’d feel obligated to build me up while gently scolding me at the same time. “Come on, Teresa,” she would say. “You can do anything you put your mind to, you just have to find the will and carve out the time.”  Ugh. Please.

22-Teresa, though, would say, “I know, right? Most days, life feels like a series of heavy choices and big decisions that could alter the course of our entire lives. I admit that sounds dramatic, but it’s true . . . Maybe we just take things one step at a time and try to have a little faith that everything’s gonna work out? I think that’s all we can do.”

I love chatting with 22-Teresa. Like me, she’s overwhelmed, confused, worried, and a bit insecure, but she’s also hopeful and trusting and willing to dream big. She tries hard and loves harder. She knows she can’t really change the world, but she wants to. She’s scared, but she’s not letting that stop her. She’s stirred by the potential she can feel inside her, driven by curiosity, and excited by her own ideas. She wants so desperately to please me, and I want so desperately to be worthy of her respect.

22-Teresa doesn’t need my advice, she just needs to know that I’m proud of her, I believe in her, and I’m grateful to her. She made 40-year-old me possible. And she’ll make 60-year-old me stronger. She’s as much a “sage” as I am, and I’m as much in need of mothering as she is. We are kindred spirits, that’s for sure. During lunch we remind each other that at our core, we are people of passion and conviction and gratitude. We don’t really need the answers, we just need to lean into the questions. We are badass women, too!

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Hey, Let’s Discuss

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” Ah, Eleanor, nothing will ever knock you off your perch as my hero, but I’ve got to challenge you for a moment on this one . . .

I’m convinced even great minds occasionally discuss events. I’m sure, for example, there were a few geniuses out there rehashing their favorite Olympic moments (controversial or otherwise). And I know for a fact some great minds occasionally discuss people. Is there a human alive who never gossips? If so, I’d like to meet them.

However, I do know, Eleanor, that this quote, like so many of the motivational things you’ve said, is aspirational. You’re simply urging us, as often as possible, to focus our minds on ideas, because new ideas can lead to innovation and progress and old ideas reimagined can lead to breakthroughs.

But history also teaches us not all ideas lead to goodness in this world, as you knew all too well. That’s why you’re encouraging us to “discuss” rather than simply accept. With discussion comes inclusivity and breadth. Discussion also leads to refinement, then strategy, and eventually to action. Discussion leaves space for passion and drive but also humor and levity. Discussion changes minds and emboldens hearts. Any great idea that survives a productive discussion is one far more likely to attract the energy and hope needed for it to succeed.

Now, Eleanor, you know I’ve always found great satisfaction in quality conversation. How many times have I told you if I had a time machine, I’d travel back to enjoy a long lunch with you on some outside terrace. I gotta tell ya, though, I’m craving deep, meaningful, authentic, sincere, heartfelt conversation even more than usual lately. And I’m feeling a little conflicted about that.

Since I was a kid, I was taught to look down on people who are “all talk and no action,” but I’m not currently finding that to be true. I’ve been enjoying the company lately of some pretty great minds whose wisdom reminds me that simply engaging in good conversation is sometimes action enough.

So, forgive me, dear Eleanor, for not stepping up in some big way right now to change the world, as you so often did. I’ll get back out there soon, I promise. But for now, I’m finding inspiration in discussing new ideas and refining old ones. And, I confess, sometimes I’m stepping “down” to talk about a recent event or even to, gasp, participate in a bit of gossip. Oh, come on, you know you’ve done that too. If for a moment that makes us “average” or “small,” that’s okay. Really, it just means we’re learning from the human experience, don’t you agree? I thought you might.

Hey, thanks, Eleanor. As always, I’ve enjoyed this discussion.

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The Next Right Thing

Some would say I’m too old to be watching Disney movies, but a while back I was flipping channels and landed on Frozen 2 at the part just before Anna sings the song, “The Next Right Thing.” It’s a pretty heavy song for a children’s movie. Anna is expressing deep depression and grief brought on by her belief that she’s lost two people whom she loves dearly. She isn’t sure what to do next or how to carry on, so she decides to just take a step forward and do “the next right thing.”

The song struck me for a couple of reasons. One, I’ve been there. Feeling so down you have no idea what to do next and all you can do is something. But the words “right thing,” also threw me for a bit of a loop. It’s one thing to simply do the next thing, but to do the right thing feels a bit like pressure.

Are we ever really sure what the right thing is? And does Anna mean the right thing for her, or the right thing for others? Does she mean “right” as in do the next moral thing whether you feel like it or not? Or right as in, the right thing that will move you closer to your stated goal?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I try to decide what is the next right thing to which I should commit my time and attention. Should it be something that will help me grow as a person? Or as an artist? Should I be focusing on friends and family members who could use some extra help? Or devote myself more earnestly to the causes I care about? Or is the next right thing something completely different? Something I’ve never tried or even thought to try before?

I’ve been looking for signs lately, but feeling like unless the sign point-blank says, “do this,” I’ll probably miss it. I’ve been trying to tap into my intuition, but it seems to be taking a late-summer vacation. I’ve tried laying a good-old-fashioned guilt trip on myself to kick my butt into gear, but my soul is too wise to fall for that old trick.

Now I’m wondering, what if the next right thing is not to take a step forward just yet? What if the next right thing for me right now is simply to stop trying to figure out what’s the next right thing?

I’ll admit that choice would not make for a good plot twist in a movie. We want our movie heroes to take action. I mean, if Anna had not rallied out of her depression and grief, she never would have reconnected with those two people she loved so much.

But unlike Anna, I’m not personally burdened with the weight of carrying an entire movie or saving my fictional world. So maybe the next right thing for me is not action but the type of inaction that leads to breakthroughs. If so, the song accompanying my next step won’t be one filled with soaring inspirational lyrics and high notes. More like a soft, wordless tune you simply hum. But maybe that’s the song my soul most needs to hear today.

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Bridgerton Delivers a Writer’s Fantasy

I’ll confess I was a late arrival to the Bridgerton fandom. When the show first debuted, plenty of people recommended it to me with glowing praise. “You have to watch it,” they said. “You’ll love it.”  Maybe that’s what kept me away, my rebellious nature’s knee-jerk reaction to not being told what to do and definitely not being told I have to like what everyone else likes.

So, I stayed away, even as the momentum behind the show mounted, even when I was left out of Bridgerton conversations among my friends, even when my curiosity nearly sucked me in.

Then one night I was flipping through suggestions on Netflix and there it was. “I’ll just give it a try,” I told myself. “One episode. That’ll probably be enough to reassure me the show is indeed shallow, predictable, and oversexed, just as I’ve suspected.”

By the end of Episode 1, Season 1, I was hooked. I lost plenty of sleep over the next few months watching “just one more episode” on many a night.

I’m not going to go into all the reasons why the show inevitably succeeded in winning over this once-dubious fan, because everyone I know who watches the series has their own reasons for loving it. But when discussing the jubilant fantasy world that is Bridgerton, I almost never hear people talking about one element that is particularly enticing to writers like me.

There’s this character named Lady Whistledown (the perfect name for a gossip columnist). In the beginning, Lady Whisteldown’s identity is unknown to viewers. Oh, we all speculated, and no doubt some of us correctly guessed which character wielded the poisoned pen, but mostly we just reveled in the sheer joy of being greeted in each episode as “Dearest Gentle Readers” in the unmatched voice of Julie Andrews.

Maybe for writers, the most alluring and realistically impossible fantasy in the world of Bridgerton is the idea that a writer, any writer, could write with total anonymity and freedom whatever the hell we wanted to write! And, yes, like Lady Whistledown, sometimes we’d write things we’d later regret, and sometimes we’d get things wrong, and sometimes we’d hurt a friend. But other times, we’d reveal a harsh truth, or call out an injustice, or change society while changing ourselves. Or maybe at times, we’d simply entertain our readers and revel in watching them climb over each other to grab up our latest offering.

It’s impossible to imagine any writer ever enjoying that sort of anonymity in the world in which we currently live. Even pen names offer no protection anymore. And with the internet and social media making it easier and easier to take our words out of context, and with our inner journeys continuously illuminating our own misperceptions and prejudices, it’s terrifying to release anything into the world at all.

Ah, but to be Lady Whisteldown for just one day!  To tell the stories we’ve held back our entire lives for fear of hurting or offending someone we hold dear, to reveal our true selves on the page (warts and all), to push every boundary we’ve set for ourselves and the ones that’ve been set for us, and to do so knowing our work would be gobbled up by the masses. That’s the unspoken fantasy of Bridgerton for many a writer.

And I imagine that fantasy does not just belong to writers. Many of us would love to find a way to create without ever holding back, in whatever form we choose. Many of us would love to have a secret way to tell our friends or loved ones what we really think of their choices, or tell our spouses exactly why that thing they do bugs us so dang much, or simply to stand up for our core beliefs without fear of being judged or canceled.

It’s all a false fantasy, of course, because even Lady Whistledown learns the hard way the power of the pen. In the end, she wishes she’d shown more restraint with her words, that she’d used them more often to build people up instead of tearing them down. In the end, she makes an impossible promise, to continue to be herself on the page but to do better by society.

And there we are, back to the central dilemma for all creatives, how to say what’s in our hearts without breaking hearts, including our own.

But for a few hours, while watching a TV show that reminds you at every turn that the world it has created is over-the-top fantasy, it’s fun to imagine that somehow you could be the one to change the world with your pen, if only no one knew who you were.

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What Is Your Soul Telling You? – Revisited

This post originally ran on May 27, 2023

“I paint to let my soul know I am listening.” That’s a comment a friend posted on one of my social media pages in response to one of my blog posts. I’ve seen her work, and its beautiful and unique. It brings me joy just looking at it, probably because my soul can feel the joy she felt when she was creating it.

We’ve all had the experience of going to a concert by one of our favorite singers and feeling surprisingly unmoved. When our friends ask about the concert, we express our disappointment by saying, “You could tell their heart wasn’t in it.”

You might have had the experience, too, of visiting an art gallery when your heart wasn’t in it, rushing through so you could get to the café, and being stopped in your tracks by a piece of art that reached out and grabbed you by the soul. Conversely, you might have gone to an exhibit by a famous artist with high expectations and left feeling unaffected. No meeting of the souls there, at least not for you. But what about the person standing next to you?

The fact is, every living artist has created a work half-heartedly. Maybe they were struggling to meet a deadline, maybe they took the job just for the money, maybe they’ve grown tired of a certain style but their audience or promoters won’t let them move on. And most of the time, we, their fans, can tell.

Putting your soul into your work doesn’t always mean your art should elicit joy. If your soul is hurting, your colors may be dark, your lines harsh. Your soul tells us your pain is real, and we feel it. We recognize it, because we’ve felt it too.

There are so many reasons we don’t produce art from our souls; we’re afraid of hurting someone, of being judged, of being labeled, of “getting lost” in our own emotions, or of deluding ourselves. We’re afraid we won’t be understood, or that our soul’s art will never make us money or bring us fame.

But you can only say no to your soul for so long without compromising your art. All art is about growth. A love song, a play about abuse, a humorous memoir about parenting, a photograph of mourners at a funeral, they’re all about growth.

The desire to create art is our soul’s call to stop and notice what’s causing us to grow; a person, an experience, a triumph, a heartache, a lesson, a love. The pursuit of art is our answer to that call. The question today is, are you listening?

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What Even Is Normal?

I seem to be pondering this subject a lot lately. Maybe it’s because I had a birthday this week, and whenever you turn a year older, it makes you think a bit more about who you have become.

I was talking to my daughter the other day, and she mentioned she’s been falling asleep earlier than usual, most likely because she’s been under some stress and her body just needs a bit more rest. “Yeah, but it’s so not normal for me,” my night-owl daughter insisted, disappointed in herself.

“Listen,” I said. “You’d have a happier life if you decide right now to eliminate the word ‘normal’ from your vocabulary. The very word is a trap. There is no normal, not in life and certainly not in ourselves. It was normal for you to stay up late, now it’s normal for you not to, and maybe someday it will be normal for you to do so again.”

What even is normal, anyway? Personally, I don’t think it’s normal to dislike chocolate, but I know plenty of people who do. And I think it’s quite normal to love to read, but I know plenty of people who don’t.

At one time, it was normal to believe women shouldn’t have the vote, and now it’s not. Today, it’s normal in America to avoid eating bugs, but someday we may find them on our menus.

As for our inner beings, when we were young it may have felt normal for us to fear what was under the bed, but most of us no longer do. We may have believed we were growing up in a “normal” family, or wished we were. We may have thought we wanted a “normal” life, or sworn we’d never lead one (how’d that work out for you?).

As artists and creatives, we also formed early opinions of what was normal for us, only to discover that it’s normal to fear both success and failure (how does that make sense?); and normal to be passionate about a project and also to have to force yourself to work on it; and normal to say yes to some commissions just for the money, but also normal to say no to large amounts of money just because it doesn’t feel right. Normal for creatives, as you can see, is a sliding scale.

As a society, we love to quote the artists who refused to be normal. We hold them up as proof that success in the arts means bucking the status quo at every turn. When we induct them into their respective Halls of Fame, we celebrate their rebellious uniqueness, even as we induct right beside them the artists who quietly went about doing great work while leading “normal” lives outside the spotlight. Normal, whatever that means, seemed to have worked for them, but we’re not gonna talk about that.

With such mixed messages, no wonder I’ve always felt confused as an artist. When I was young, I vowed I’d never have a “normal” job, even as I hoped to have a normal marriage and family and live in a normal house. I longed for the normal path to success with my writing, even as I hoped my writing would always be above normal. I defended the things about me that were not “normal,” even as I took on the normal roles I thought were expected of me.

Lately, I’m too tired to worry about whether my thoughts, beliefs, feelings, behaviors, or even my work are normal, and too tired to pretend like they’re not. I’m not looking to define a “new normal” for myself, by the way. That’s just another trap. I’m simply grateful to have made another trip around the sun living my normal artist life, regardless of how normality shows up on any given day, or whether it shows up at all.

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Are You Showing Up as Your Authentic Self?

I have a friend who is one of those rare people who can speak her mind without causing offense. Who can walk into a room full of friends as her authentic self, true to whatever mood she’s in, and be accepted. Whose hugs feel sincere, and whose wisdom you seek. She can call me on my bullshit in a way that feels loving and supportive. I’ve been trying to figure out for months how she does all that!

I’m sure there must be people who don’t like my friend, although I’ve seen no evidence of that. And it’s possible she shows a different side of herself to the public, although I’m sure not for long.

Maybe it’s her delivery. She has one of those faces that’s a bit hard to read until you get to know her, unlike mine which registers every thought and emotion. She often chuckles while she speaks, which maybe softens the message. She makes disclaimers like, “I’m sorry, but . . .” just before she tells you what she really thinks. She’s quick to call herself on her own bullshit, too, which just makes you trust her more. She says she’s not very creative, yet she appears to have something all creatives want . . .

One of the best-known secrets of artists of all types is that we long for authenticity. And when we can’t achieve it in our lives, we search for it in our work. We write love poems wrenched from the most vulnerable centers of our hearts. We paint pictures that give light to our darkest fears. We become one with our instruments as we express our joy. We cry tears on stage that we hold back in real life.

In our art, sometimes we manage to show up as our authentic selves, but often those selves surprise us. That’s why when you hear an interview with someone in the arts, there’s always that moment when the interviewer asks the artist a really personal question about their work, and the artist doesn’t know how to respond. That’s because our art is part of our journey through this life, and whatever it was that prompted us to create that art in the moment (a harsh word, a difficult memory, a newfound love) is only part of the story it has become.

Even for us, as time goes by, the art continues to reveal new layers of ourselves, until we’re not sure anymore what the art “meant” in the first place or even how we managed to create it. That’s why we stumble over those questions, because inspiration and creativity are not fixed, and neither is authenticity, although by definition, it feels like it should be.

And maybe that’s why I couldn’t figure out how my friend manages to always show up as her authentic self and be accepted, because maybe somewhere along the line she stopped trying to own her authenticity or define it and simply allowed it to be.

I have a feeling if I asked her how she stays true to her authentic self, she’d say, “Do I?”

And then she’d laugh.

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The Best Equation for Creativity

One of the definitions of faith is, “the complete trust in someone or something.” Each January, the members of my women’s group choose a personal word for the year. This year, I chose the word “faith,” as defined above. Why?

Because in 2023, I was operating from a place of faith regarding multiple projects for my work, all of which came to fruition in stunning ways: my Bursts of Brilliance® Art Salon Series; the staging of our play, Wave Me Good-Bye, in New York City; and the launching of a series of pop-up stores at the art gallery where my husband and I are part-owners.

2024, however, got off to a rocky start, and in many ways, I feel like I’ve been trying to find my way back to the sort of faith I had in myself, my work, my creativity, and my inspiration back in 2023.

I’ve always said if we’re open to it, many of us can experience multiple “bursts of brilliance” in a single day. But we can’t act on them all, nor should we. For me, the best litmus test regarding my ideas has always been whether I can feel myself into a future in which those projects already exist, and feel whether they are bringing joy to me and others.

In early 2023, I could feel that future regarding the projects I just described. I could feel it so strongly that when the few naysayers in my life tried to change my mind, I simply smiled and said, “Nope, I’m doin’ it.”

A friend asked me yesterday if the equation for success is then: creativity = faith + joy. “I think so,” I said. It certainly was for the Art Salons. Although, I think the direction of the equation makes a difference. With the Art Salons, the idea came first, then absolute faith it would work, and pure joy in building and producing it. Just like the direction of the equation above.

But maybe the direction is actually faith + joy = creativity. That’s more how it felt with the play. Since the play started out as one of my novels, the original creative output already existed in a different form and just needed to be adapted by my daughter and me. So, that project felt more like, “I have faith we can turn this book into an awesome play, and that process will bring me joy, and in the end, we’ll have a new creative entity.”

Or maybe the direction is joy + faith = creativity. That’s more how it felt with the pop-up stores. I was feeling excited by our new adventure in helping to own an art gallery, and had faith I could bring some collaborative new ideas to the table, and that lead to the idea for the pop-up stores, which would allow me to introduce new customers to the gallery in a way that connected us with the outside arts community and provided a space for new and diverse artists to get some exposure.

In other words, I think the equation is valid, but the direction may depend on whether creativity is the impetus or the outcome you are seeking, and that could be situational or aspirational. (Now remember, math is not my strong suit, so if I’m misusing the mathematical terms here, just roll with it.)

The only thing I can say for sure is, this equation works, whichever direction you choose. To bring truly sensational, life-affirming, inspired art into this world, you need all three parts of the equation. I’m leaning into all three today, and I hope you are, too!

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Our Founding Artists

This Fourth of July, I got to thinking about the Founders of this country and their respective arts, and why so few people know that many of them considered their artistic pursuits to be passions, just as many of us do today.

Many of the male Founders were well-trained tradesmen, farmers, or scientists. Some were more highly educated than others, and/or more financially or socially privileged. Most of the women spent countless hours running the households and often the farms or estates. As much as skilled work was valued around the time of the American Revolution, there was also a belief that the arts created a well-rounded person. Given how inventive, creative, and in some ways ahead of their time so many of the Founders were, it kinda makes you wonder how much of that can be attributed to the time they spent immersed in their favorite arts.

We know that many of the Founders were talented writers (and some were authors) but here’s just a partial list of the other arts at which the Founders excelled:

Martha Washington: quilting, needlework

George Washington: dancing

Thomas Jefferson: avid violinist

Benjamin Franklin: violin, harp, guitar, composer, invented better version of glass harmonica

Charles Willson Peale: painter

Eliza Hamilton: singing, piano, and possibly harp

Paul Revere: silversmith

Phillis Wheatley, poetry

And that’s just to name a few.

Here’s to the arts and their unsung places in history. And here’s to all the early Americans whose artistic expression may never be known due to the unjust laws and bigotry that held them down. And here’s a call to today’s artists to use your creative energy to fight to make this the best country for all. Only then will we achieve true Independence.

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